Pratica di Shadowing: 13 Subtle Ways to Make Him Want More With You - Impara a parlare inglese con YouTube
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What does it take to get a bloody relationship these days?
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What does it take to get a bloody relationship these days?
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A lot of people finding themselves in these protracted casual situationships,
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dynamics that mimic relationships, that give people the boyfriend-girlfriend experience,
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but try and pin someone down and ask them,
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are we actually in a relationship?
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Are we actually exclusive?
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Is this going somewhere?
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And suddenly they start to freak out.
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Is this something you can relate to?
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Well, if so, I think this video is going to be one you enjoy very, very much.
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I'm going to give you 13 ways to be taken seriously by somebody for a relationship.
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And they are really practical and really easy to do.
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Before we do that, I want to make sure that you go over to howtogettheguy.com.
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We have a new tool over there.
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It allows you to tell us what your love life challenge is right now
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and then the tool recommends you my best solution for what you're going through.
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All you have to do is go over to howtogettheguide.com,
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put in your name and hit start here for your personalized solution.
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Now onto the video.
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Number one, be more than a last minute plan.
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It's so easy when we like someone and they text us at the last minute saying,
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do you want to do something tonight?
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It's so easy to just say yes.
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Now, I'm not saying you should never respond to a spontaneous offer to see someone,
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but if you find yourself routinely responding to last minute offers,
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then you are devaluing yourself.
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Instead, send someone a message back that says,
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I'd have loved to, but I have plans tonight.
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Maybe give me more than 24 hours notice next time,
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question mark, little blushy smiling face.
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Number two, don't just go with their flow on a date.
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There's a temptation isn't there to sort of please someone by going with their rhythm,
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their pace, what they want.
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If someone else wants to have many drinks,
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we feel like we should have many drinks with them.
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Someone else wants to stay out late.
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We have work in the morning.
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We're going to be tired.
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We don't really want to stay out late, but we do.
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Someone wants to have sex or go home with us.
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We oblige because we feel like we should and we're attracted to them,
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but it's a bit fast for us,
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but I am attracted to them and maybe it won't hurt.
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So we do it, even though it's not something that we actually really consciously want to do.
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Don't just do it because the other person wants to.
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When you set the tone when you go with your own flow you get instant respect and you get taken seriously.
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Number three, suggest a date plan.
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Now this doesn't have to be for date number one,
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you can see if they're good at coming up with a plan for date number one,
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but for date number two or three
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or four don't be afraid to be the one who actually takes initiative and suggest something.
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Why don't we do this?
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I found tickets to this thing.
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Do you want to go?
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It shows that, well, A,
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you're confident enough to suggest something.
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B, you're diverse in the kind of things you like to do.
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Hey, I saw this event, this mezcal tasting experience.
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Do you want to go do it?
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I thought it could be fun.
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But C, it also creates a sense of adventure that this person experiences with you.
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It's not just on a set dating track that mimics every other date he's been on.
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There is a unique experience and moments that you're going to have together.
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Number four, send a post date text.
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This is where you're the one who actually sends a text saying,
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I had a really lovely time tonight.
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Now, I actually don't get hung up on whether you're the one who sends the text first
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or you send this as a reply.
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My point is don't be indifferent.
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Don't be too cool.
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Sending a text that says I had a really great time tonight is an act of vulnerability
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and it shows that the date actually meant something to you.
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And this is especially important after intimacy.
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If you go home with someone and have sex,
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the next day don't play it cool and just be like,
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well, I'm just not going to text them.
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I'm going to wait for them to come to me.
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I'm not saying you have to rush to text them,
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but at some point that day,
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send them a message and say,
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I had a really amazing time with you.
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When you send that, what you're showing is that that actually had some meaning to you.
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And so the implication is you shouldn't treat me casually or lightly because that wasn't just nothing to me.
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Playing it cool backfires if it teaches someone,
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if the message received by them is that the moments,
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the intimacy, the experience of being together had no meaning to you.
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By the way, this is a technique called post-framing.
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What you're doing is attaching value to an event after it's happened
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so that that person knows that that event actually had some meaning to you.
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And it makes it more likely,
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therefore, that it will have meaning for them too.
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Number five, show genuine appreciation for something they did.
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If there was effort made by somebody,
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And by the way, you can do this in the same text I mentioned before,
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or you can do it in a different text.
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Actually acknowledge the effort that was made.
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Hey, by the way, that was really sweet of you to arrange the tickets.
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Thank you so much.
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That shows that I actually noticed the effort you made.
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I'm shining a light on it so that you see that effort too.
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What it tells that person subconsciously is,
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oh, I made an effort.
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Look at that.
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And if someone actually acknowledges and realizes they made an effort,
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then it makes it more meaningful to them that they made that effort.
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And of course, the fact that you're appreciating it makes you valuable too,
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because not everyone does.
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Number six, have them come to your part of town.
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One of the staples of someone being casual is them always having the dates on their terms,
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where they want, at a time that suits them.
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What we want to do is bring someone into our world.
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And one of the ways we can do that is simply by having them literally come to the area where we frequent,
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where we live.
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I'm not necessarily saying your house,
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your apartment, but have them come to your part of town,
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especially if that part of town means that they're the one who has to go out of their way this time.
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And I always think that bringing someone into your world is a way of bonding them to you more.
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If everyone is always kind of uprooting you from your world and putting you into theirs,
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then they're in their element and you sort of exist as this,
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you exist in the abstract in a way.
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You're not a person with a life
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and who is tethered in all of these ways
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and has these interests and here's where you live and here's the places you go to,
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here's your local coffee shop.
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No, instead you just exist in their world as an idea.
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One of the ways to be taken seriously is for someone to actually see your roots,
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who you are, what you're all about.
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The places that make someone realise,
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oh, this person is a person with a life and things they love.
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I remember the first time going to my now fiancée Audrey's place and seeing plants all over the apartment.
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It was like a moment where I realized,
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oh, this is something she really loves.
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And I didn't know about it before that.
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And that created more of a three-dimensional picture of who she was.
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And like I've said before,
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when someone becomes three-dimensional to us,
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they are far harder to walk away from.
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Number seven, regardless of your beliefs about who should pay on a first date,
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at some point, pay for something.
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whether it's you're the one who buys the tickets to something
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or you pick up the tab in a restaurant
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or you're ordering delivery and you just hand them your phone with the restaurant already selected
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and say choose what you like and you're the one who does it on your account.
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It shows that the dynamic isn't a transactional one.
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It shows the absence of any kind of entitlement and it shows you're a team player,
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that you're willing to contribute and when someone is thinking about their future,
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More than anything else, registering that someone is a team player is a deep reason for choosing someone.
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Number eight,
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send them a picture from a different part of your life
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where they see you in a context they haven't seen you yet.
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We all are multi-dimensional, but a lot of people only see us in one context,
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the date context.
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It could be a picture
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or a video of you having a fun moment with your family
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and they get the context of you being this person who loves and is loved by these people in your life.
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It could be you at a work conference where you're dressed up in your work attire and you say,
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five hours of business workshops today, wish me luck.
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And they get to see you in a professional context.
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Whatever it is, it goes back to that idea of painting a three-dimensional picture about you.
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A huge part of that is what I call unique pairings when someone sees that you're not just this thing,
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you're that thing as well.
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You're not just sexy and fun, you're professional.
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You're not just professional, you're sweet and warm and a family person.
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It shows these different parts of you that make you a complex and uniquely attractive person.
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Number nine, send them an I was listening text.
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This is where you send them a text message
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that calls back to something they have told you about themselves or their interests.
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So it could be that they talked about how they love movie scores and you send them
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a text with a link to a movie score that you really love.
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I thought you'd like this since you're so into movie scores.
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When you do this, it's A,
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a little vulnerable on your part,
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and B, it shows that I actually,
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even in the amount of time that we know each other,
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which may not be very much,
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understand something about you, something about what you like,
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who you are as a person,
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and in sending you something that relates to that,
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it's almost a form of acceptance, isn't it?
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It's a form of understanding and accepting who someone is.
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Number 10, save them a cookie.
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I mean, if you just go,
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if you show up, you know,
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to their house sometime and you say,
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I made these for myself earlier,
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but I saved you one because I know you really like cookies.
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Obviously the cookies are a metaphor.
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Unless you ever come to one of my events,
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in which case this is very literal and I will never be unhappy with you saving me a cookie.
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But it's also a metaphor.
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Let's just call this one tiny gifts.
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You don't wanna do it with big gifts.
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Big gifts reek of trying too hard,
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but little gifts shows that I was thinking of you when we weren't together.
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And therefore you're a thoughtful,
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kind person to be taken seriously.
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Number 11, be playfully assumptive.
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If someone sends you a message that says, what you're up to.
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You say, why?
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Miss me?
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Then you follow with another message before you freak out and go,
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that's so arrogant, I would never say that.
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You immediately follow up and you say,
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just kidding, I'm with my sister right now.
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We're having such a good time,
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what are you up to?
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But the work has already been done.
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You've already had that moment of being self-assured,
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being extra confident, and also putting in their mind the idea that they miss you.
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So that thought has been created.
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You texted me because you miss me and I'm making you aware of that.
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I am someone to be missed.
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Number 12, avoid the bandwagon of agreeing with someone all the time.
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One of the sexiest things we can do at times is disagree with someone.
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Be willing to break rapport,
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not aggressively, but in a way that shows that we have our own mind,
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our own opinion, our own way of thinking.
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I actually think one of the really sweet ways to put this into practice is
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if you see the person that you're dating talking in a mean way about someone.
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And you get to just kind of almost check them a little bit, sweetly and playfully.
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But let's say they're saying something mean about someone.
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You go, hey, be nice.
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Now in that moment, you are calling someone out and that creates like just a little hair of friction,
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which is good.
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That kind of friction is actually good.
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You're breaking rapport.
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What it says to someone is,
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I have a high standard for myself and you just fell beneath that standard for a moment and you're confident enough to,
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albeit playfully and sweetly, check them on that.
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Now, number 13 is I think the most surprising of all of these little techniques.
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Before I tell you number 13,
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did you, at the beginning of the video,
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when I said, go over to howtogettheguy.com,
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put in your name and hit start here,
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tell it your love life problem,
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it'll give you my best solution.
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Did you do that?
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Or did you just brush past it like it was a dove advert?
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Like it was an advert for Pantene shampoo?
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It's not.
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It's an advert for me,
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the guy that you came here to watch.
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So please go over to howtogettheguy.com,
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put in your name, tell it your love life problem,
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and it will recommend you one of my solutions.
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Seriously though, go over there.
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It's really good.
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And lots of people have benefited from it.
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Now, number 13.
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Number 13, beware the weekend away.
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Now, the reason I think this is surprising is because when someone invites us on a trip,
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it feels like it might be a route to something more serious,
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a route to getting really bonded and connected with someone so that by the time we come back,
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something more serious is on the cards.
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The problem is if we just go and do that without assigning any meaning to it,
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We run the risk of assuming that just because time spent away in close proximity with somebody
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would mean a lot to us,
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that it also means a lot to them too.
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Now I'm not saying you absolutely shouldn't go and have that weekend away with somebody,
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but what I am saying is they should not be in any doubt as to what something like
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that means to you or the significance that something like that might have to you.
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Now, by the way, if it has no significance to you,
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that's okay, but we're not having that conversation.
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If you want to go have a fun weekend with someone, go do it.
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Just don't think it's going to move the needle on anything.
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But what you can do if you're looking for something serious with someone
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and they've invited you on a trip is say to them,
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I instinctively want to say yes because I like you and I think we would have the best time.
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but I also know that something like that is meaningful to me
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and I wouldn't just be going on a trip with a boy if we weren't on the same page about it.
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Now he may say about what which by the way if someone says about what that's normally a bad sign.
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If someone starts acting obtuse when you say things like that that should be treated as a little bit of a warning.
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But if they say about what,
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then you say, well, you know,
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about whether there's any intention behind this afterwards or whether it's just a bit of fun,
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which is totally fine.
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But I know myself, I wouldn't just be going on a trip with a boy if it was a bit of fun.
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To recap on this point,
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don't do it thinking that it will mean the same thing to them,
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because that's a massive assumption and it may be wrong.
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And don't go away with them without them knowing that it does mean something to you.
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And by the way, for anyone out there who is nerdy like me
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and just enjoys the language to put to these things,
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in number four, we were talking about post-framing.
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In other words, sending a message
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or having a conversation with someone after the fact to let them know that it had meaning to you.
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This is pre-framing, letting them know before you do the thing,
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that it will have meaning to you.
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Hey, let me know what you thought of this video.
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We were excited to make this one for you and I'd love to know what you think.
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Please leave us a comment.
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Let us know which of the 13 was your favorite technique for being taken seriously and like the video,
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subscribe to the channel, hit the notification bell so
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that you get the notification for the next one and we'll see you next time.
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Go over to howtogettheguy.com, put in your name,
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tell it your love life problem and it will recommend you one of my solutions.
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I kind of love it.
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I like it.
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I think we keep it.
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Informazioni su Questa Lezione
In questa lezione, praticerai la conversazione in inglese attraverso un video che esplora strategie sottili per costruire una relazione seria. Approfondiremo come presentare te stesso e le tue esigenze in modo chiaro e assertivo. Attraverso l'analisi di frasi chiave e comportamenti suggeriti, avrai l'opportunità di affinare la tua pronuncia e migliorare la tua capacità di esprimerti in situazioni di vita reale, il tutto mentre ti diventi più sicuro di te durante le interazioni.
Vocabolario e Frasi Chiave
- Situationship - una relazione informale che può sembrare seria senza impegni chiari.
- Devaluing - svalutare, ridurre il proprio valore percepito.
- Plan - piano, suggerire attività per un appuntamento.
- Flow - flusso, seguire il ritmo dell'altra persona.
- Serious - serio, essere preso sul serio in una relazione.
- Respect - rispetto, guadagnare stima dagli altri.
- Attracted - attratto, provare interesse romantico.
Consigli per Praticare
Quando ti eserciti con il shadowing in inglese, segui attentamente il tono e la velocità del video. Inizia ascoltando una breve sezione e ripeti subito dopo, cercando di imitarne il ritmo e l'intonazione. Questo approccio, noto come shadowspeaks, ti aiuterà a migliorare la tua fluidità e pronuncia.
Elimina eventuali distrazioni e concentrati sulla tua voce. Puoi registrare le tue ripetizioni per ascoltarle in un secondo momento e notare i progressi che fai. Inoltre, prova a praticare in coppia se hai un partner di studio; questo rivitalizzerà la tua pratica di conversazione in inglese e ti permetterà di ricevere feedback immediato.
Ricorda che la chiave è essere assertivi e non aver paura di esprimere le proprie opinioni. Quando parli, cerca di usare frasi chiave dal video, implementando il vocabolario nuovo appreso. Questo non solo ti aiuterà a consolidare le parole, ma anche a distinguerti come una persona che sa quello che vuole.
Infine, non dimenticare di esplorare diversi strumenti e risorse online per ulteriori sessioni di shadowing, in modo da trovare il miglior shadowing site che soddisfi le tue esigenze.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.
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