シャドーイング練習: relationships change us - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ

When I was younger, I wasn't very thoughtful or intentional about who I shared relationships with.

I think because I didn't have a firm grasp on why we even have relationships as human beings.

When I would reflect on my relationships, I'd simply ask myself, are we having fun together?

Are they hot?

Do I like when we kiss?

You know, like that was it.

Whereas now I'm starting to develop a firmer grasp on what the point of relationships are.

Relationships at their best are incredible catalysts for growth for both people involved.

That's kind of the whole point.

And if that's not happening, it's kind of a waste of time and energy.

And I know what you're thinking, Emma, that sounds harsh.

It's actually not because growth doesn't always need to be this obvious, loud, apparent thing.

We think of obvious growth and we think of a relationship where on a daily basis,

you know, you're confronting one another and saying, hey, you did this wrong and you need to be better.

And then the next day you're saying to the person you're in a relationship, hey, you, you need, you did this wrong and you need to be better.

That's like the loud, obvious sort of growth relationship, I guess.

Growth in relationships can be incredibly subtle and still be really beautiful and impactful.

Even just adopting a healthy habit that someone

that you're in a relationship with has can be an example of growth in a relationship.

If there's none of that happening, I don't think it's a good relationship.

I mean, there are people in our lives who are sort of in the peripheral who don't really help us grow

and we don't really help them grow, but that's fine because that's not someone in your circle.

I'm talking about the relationships that are at the core of your life, that build your social foundation.

Those relationships should be rooted in growth.

At least I think.

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Walmart.

Summer's back, baby, which means a whole new wardrobe.

Thankfully, you can find trends that speak to you for less at Walmart.

You know, for me, summer is about simplicity and comfort because warm weather is pleasant,

but only if you dress properly for it.

So I'm trying to wear breathable but cute clothing all summer long.

From casual hangs to vacation, Walmart's the place to find all your summer pieces.

Think chic eyelet styles, breezy dresses, it girl shoes, vibrant colors, and more.

Shop the hottest summer trends and new drops at walmart .com slash trends.

That's walmart .com slash trends.

Now back to the episode.

I know that a lot of us want to be responsible for our own growth.

We don't want to rely on other people, but we are social animals.

We inevitably are going to have relationships with other people and those relationships are going to alter who we are as people.

They should be pushing us to be better versions of ourselves and vice versa.

I'm talking about all relationships.

There are so many different ways that all types of relationships can be catalysts for growth.

When you're in a relationship where there's mutual admiration,

both of your positive habits and traits are going to start to slowly but surely rub off on each other.

When you see your friend treat everyone with overwhelming in kindness, you're going to want to start to do that too.

When you see your friend doing that, it's easy to just hop on the bandwagon and start doing it with them.

That feels much more comfortable than being somebody who maybe is a bit more cold, a bit more closed off.

And then all of a sudden, one day wake up and start being really nice to everyone.

That can feel kind of weird and forced and oddly vulnerable.

If your friend is doing it too, it makes it feel safer.

So not only does it inspire you to try

but also now you have someone to do it with another example

if you're dating somebody who wakes up early

and is super productive like somebody who just gets their shit done there's a good chance

that that'll start to rub off on you i think the

quote you are who you surround yourself with is a bit

overused to the point where a lot of us hear it and are like shut shut up, shut the fuck up.

Like who cares?

But it is true.

It's truer than we, than we realize.

I don't know.

There, there's been times in my life where I I've had close relationships with people who I didn't necessarily admire.

And in retrospect, I think that without me even realizing it, some of their more negative traits rubbed off on me,

even though I was kind of aware and in touch with the fact that I didn't really admire them.

I thought, well, that's their life and those are their habits and those are their traits.

Like, that's not my problem.

But it actually did become my problem without me even realizing it.

A lot of it's subtle.

We are who we surround ourselves with.

So you wanna surround yourself with people who you admire because then you'll become a little bit more like them.

And that's an incredible way to grow.

Relationships can also be a catalyst for growth through confrontation.

If you're in a healthy relationship with somebody, they should be able to call you out on your bullshit and vice versa.

But in order to be called out on your bullshit, the person you're in a relationship with has to, number one, feel comfortable enough with you to bring it up.

But number two, respect you and the relationship enough to put themselves in an uncomfortable position where they can confront you.

And again, vice versa, the same thing goes for you in the relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being confronted on your shortcomings.

Like that is so important for personal growth because we do a lot of checks on ourselves all the time, or at least we ideally should be,

but there are things that we miss.

There are certain areas that maybe we don't understand as much that somebody we're in a relationship understands more and can say,

this is what you're doing wrong.

This is why it's wrong.

And this is how you can fix it.

I think relationships can also help with growth because being in healthy relationships gives you a sense of foundation in your life.

It gives you a sense of community, comfort.

And when you have that sort of foundation in your life, it's easier to grow.

Because growing as a person is an incredibly vulnerable, raw sort of experience.

And I think if you don't have foundation in your life, if you don't have a sense of community, if you don't have a sense of safety,

it makes it harder to grow.

I'll give an example of this.

There have been

so many times in my life where my relationship with my

parents has allowed me to grow instead of remaining stagnant during a challenging moment in my life.

When I was going through some of my first few really challenging breakups,

something that I struggled with so viscerally was wanting to go back to my ex,

even though they were really bad for me.

And I was faced in those moments with a choice.

I'm either going to grow through this experience by not going back to them and by instead remaining strong,

dealing with the grief and just moving forward to, to greener pastures, or I could remain stagnant and,

100

and go back to them and start the whole negative cycle over again with

101

that person because of my relationship with my parents and because they were there to support me and talk me through it.

102

And because I felt love from them, I was able to grow through that experience instead of remaining stagnant and going back to my exes.

103

Do you see what I'm saying?

104

It's, it's just so much easier to handle challenges and make the right decisions that are growth decisions.

105

When you have a support system around you, it's not necessarily relationships are always directly forcing you to grow,

106

but sometimes just the presence of healthy relationships can help you grow in other areas outside of the relationships themselves, if that makes sense.

107

I also think too, conflict in relationships can cause growth, like a stronger bond between the two of you, but also just growth in general.

108

Conflict really tests everyone involved.

109

You know, ego gets involved.

110

There's rage and anger at times, which you have the option to lean into or not.

111

And that's really challenging.

112

Sometimes you have to admit you're wrong.

113

Sometimes you have to be honest and confront in a way that's super uncomfortable for you.

114

Like conflict is an incredible opportunity to grow.

115

I'm not even somebody who I feel like is particularly competitive or egotistical when it comes to argument.

116

Like, don't get me wrong.

117

I have my own, like my ego comes out sometimes in certain areas.

118

I can be a, I have narcissistic traits probably sometimes, you know, definitely sometimes I'm human,

119

but I'm not particularly egotistical or narcissistic in argument.

120

Like I am the first one to admit wrongdoing.

121

If somebody sits me down and says, Emma, you did this wrong.

122

I am, I am there to listen and I'm there to say, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

123

Thank you for telling me.

124

I heard you.

125

I'm always grateful when somebody confronts me and tells me I'm doing something wrong.

126

But even I sometimes, someone who I consider to be genuinely good at handling confrontation and criticism and things like that,

127

even I sometimes in an argument will find myself wanting to stoop to a level below my own moral compass, if you will.

128

That doesn't really make any sense, but maybe it did.

129

I want to stoop low.

130

I don't know.

131

Sometimes maybe a little piece of my ego gets bruised or like, I'm frustrated with the, with the way that the other person's communicating and something will get triggered in me.

132

And even I will get tempted to not handle things admirably, but within the safety of a relationship, you can have those conflicts.

133

And if everybody handles things in a way that is morally sound, you can come out the other end,

134

both stronger, better people who are better at handling complexities between human beings and the relationship is closer.

135

It is ultimately a net positive.

136

It can be a net positive in the moment.

137

It sucks, you know, but there is potential for it to be wonderful.

138

I also think too, that our relationships can be a mirror.

139

I remember someone telling me that perhaps it was my dad when I was younger,

140

but I remember hearing this sort of concept of like the people you're in relationships with are like a mirror.

141

It didn't really click with me until I started being more critical of the relationships in my life.

142

And I started choosing higher quality relationships to dedicate my time to where I really realized how true this is.

143

When you spend time with somebody you truly respect, you start to see yourself through their eyes.

144

And if you respect and admire them, it will truly make you want to be better.

145

If you look at the way that they look at the world and think like, wow, you know, that's such a different perspective from mine, but such a beautiful perspective.

146

And then you proceed to perceive yourself.

147

You naturally will then wonder like, how do they see me?

148

It's just sort of like a natural thought that crosses your mind.

149

You might end up seeing your own shortcomings just from using them as sort of a mirror.

150

They don't even have to confront you.

151

They don't even have to, they might not even notice these shortcomings, but using them as a mirror, you're able to discover those things.

152

I remember the first time I felt this way.

153

It was in a romantic relationship.

154

I remember like almost having like a meltdown, like on my own, like crying and sobbing

155

because I was like perceiving myself through my new partner's eyes just naturally because I had been spending,

156

you know, a lot of time with them because we just started dating or whatever.

157

And I truly saw myself in a different light.

158

And that meant seeing some beautiful things about myself that the person I was dating seemed to really like about me.

159

And that was sort of an emotional experience, but then also becoming aware of certain shortcomings that I, I had never even remotely been aware of before.

160

It's a very interesting thing that happens very naturally in healthy relationships that can absolutely inspire growth.

161

And last but not least, I think relationships expose you to thoughts and ideas that you never would have had organically, expanding your mind and your perspective in a way.

162

We've all had such different experiences.

163

We've all seen such different things.

164

We've all been wired in such unique,

165

different ways that when we come together and share our perspectives we're able to widen each other's perspective through,

166

you know, just talking.

167

It's a beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing.

168

And it's, it's a wonderful way to grow.

169

Now it would be very idyllic if this is how all relationships worked.

170

Like two people come together and they hang out a lot and then everyone's growing and it's so awesome.

171

Like, Oh my God, everyone's growing this is so awesome

172

but unfortunately or maybe not unfortunately but more realistically relationships are deeply complex

173

and a good portion of the time are not wonderful seamless catalysts for growth it's much more complicated

174

and much more clunky than that like yes all of the things

175

that i just mentioned can potentially happen in relationships

176

but it's not guaranteed you also might have certain areas where you grow in a relationship

177

and then other areas that are kind of toxic like every single relationship has its own complexity and

178

so as much as relationships are wonderful catalysts for growth they

179

also might not be in my experience in order for relationships

180

to be at their maximum level of health where growth is

181

seamless I'd say everyone involved in the relationship needs to have number one, a decent sense of self -esteem.

182

Number two, a decent sense of independence or more so a lack of codependence on the other person.

183

Decent coping skills in life, a feeling of fulfillment in their lives, or a sense of working towards fulfillment.

184

And lastly, but maybe there's more that I just can't think of, a somewhat clear set of morals, values, priorities, purpose, and goals.

185

So all you need in order for there to be a

186

seamless growth experience with everybody in a relationship is just all of those things that are really, really challenging to accomplish or to have.

187

We're all constantly working towards having a sense of all of those things.

188

And it's an ongoing journey.

189

So naturally relationships are going to be much more complicated because the sort of perfect relationship, it rarely exists.

190

Now, what I've discovered is that when growth isn't happening, there's usually something that comes in to replace it.

191

Okay.

192

Growth is positive change.

193

Okay.

194

Because growth is becoming the person that you always could be.

195

I think of growth as becoming a better version of yourself, but it's in you.

196

You're not changing into somebody else.

197

You're growing into a better version of yourself.

198

That's what I think growth is.

199

Whereas change to me is becoming someone that you're not or becoming a worse version of yourself that doesn't need to exist.

200

You know what I'm saying?

201

It's negative, negative change.

202

I mean, I guess you could argue that you could sort of regress into a worse version of yourself, and that's not necessarily change because that's still in you.

203

If you're not growing in relationships, there's a really decent chance that you're regressing.

204

Now, how does regression happen in relationships?

205

Well, just as quickly as you can pick up people's positive traits and habits, you can also pick up their negative traits and habits.

206

Like an example would be if your friend gossips a lot, much more than you.

207

And at first you're like, ah, it's fine.

208

Like I don't really admire how much my friend gossips.

209

Like it's a little bit too much for my comfort level, but you know what?

210

That's them.

211

And you know, we have fun together when we go out and we, you know, party on the weekends.

212

So I'm just going to let it slide.

213

Next thing you know, two years into the friendship, you're gossiping just as much as they are.

214

Another example, let's say you're dating somebody who's prone to laziness, gets up late, doesn't get their work done on time,

215

doesn't move their body, like doesn't go for a walk ever, you know, sits around a lot.

216

That doesn't make anyone feel good physically.

217

You might first, you know, start dating this person and think like, oh, you know what?

218

I'm a pretty productive person.

219

You know, I have my routine of what makes me feel good.

220

And so, you know, I think I can accept this and and we'll be, we'll be fine.

221

You know what I mean?

222

Well, if your significant other doesn't rise to the occasion and match your routine, there's a decent chance that you're going to start matching theirs.

223

And next thing you know, you've developed that bad habit.

224

And there are also a lot of instances where the person that you're in a relationship with, again, platonic or romantic, all of this is platonic or romantic.

225

They will convince you that what they're doing is right and that you should do it too.

226

Like for example, with, with the friend who gossips a lot example your friend might

227

say gossiping is healthy like i'm just analyzing people by the way i've literally said

228

that because i'm somebody who loves a little bit of gossip here

229

and there trying to be better about it

230

and not do it in a way that's like i i try to keep it appropriate not appropriate

231

but like i try to keep it morally sound

232

but i definitely am like prone to gossip okay

233

and i have to like keep an eye on it

234

because i can be a real gossiper and i think that's something

235

that we could all infer by the fact

236

that I have a podcast where I talk into a microphone for hours and hours by myself every week.

237

It's like, of course, I like to gossip.

238

You know what I mean?

239

I just like to talk.

240

I think that's really what it is.

241

Anyway, if you have a friend who gossips more than you're comfortable with, they might say to you, gossiping is harmless.

242

We're not saying anything to anyone's face.

243

We're analyzing people.

244

There's nothing wrong with that.

245

Convincing you to go against your moral compass and gossip more than you're comfortable with.

246

Or if you're dating somebody who's prone to laziness, they might say like, wait, like, babe, I know it's like Sunday afternoon

247

and you want to go for a hike or bake something and you want to do all these fun things.

248

But like, let's just watch this TV show all day.

249

If that's not something that you like to do, it's not going to make you feel good to do it.

250

But if they're convincing you, come on, like come on no this is fun like it's the weekend they might not have evil motives

251

but slowly but surely you're picking up on their potentially negative traits and habits

252

and it can happen just as quick as you can pick

253

up the positive ones now this next cause for regression is

254

one of the trickiest to spot a lot there can be moments in a relationship where confrontation occurs, okay?

255

And one another's shortcomings might become weaponized if the confronter is struggling on a personal level.

256

Like, I think we all like to assume that if somebody's confronting us about something, it's because it's genuinely an issue.

257

You know what I mean?

258

But depending on what type of place the confronter is in in their life, confrontation might not always be accurate.

259

And that's tricky.

260

It can be really challenging at times to determine

261

if this person is confronting me because they genuinely want to help me or if they want to hurt my feelings,

262

if they're feeling really insecure and something's bothering them that's sort of irrational.

263

The list goes on.

264

Let me give you some examples, okay?

265

Let's say your friend confronts you and says

266

that your bubbly outgoingness in large groups feels ingenuine and fake

267

because when you guys hang out one -on -one you're much more chill

268

and calm your friend might confront you about this

269

and say this feels ingenuine

270

and it rubs me the wrong way it feels off to me and

271

and i don't like it okay your friend might confront you

272

in fact i i've never been confronted about this by a friend

273

but i have actually been confronted about this by a significant other in the past they were like you change

274

when you're in a big group of people.

275

Like you're really outgoing and bubbly.

276

And when we're alone, like you're just like chill.

277

So it's like, what, why are you like turning on for a group of people?

278

It was really confusing to me because I was like, okay, am I being fake?

279

And when I reflected inward, I was like, not really.

280

Like, I think I'm really bubbly and outgoing with people in big groups because I don't know, there's something about being in a big group that's exciting.

281

And there's also something about being around people that maybe I'm less close to where, I don't know, maybe I do turn on a little bit, but it's not in a way that's ingenuine.

282

It's just, it's, it's very organic and automatic.

283

It's just, I don't know.

284

You behave differently in a large group of people that you're not super close with versus with your significant other, like with your significant other,

285

you have a sense of familiarity and perhaps there's less to talk about.

286

There's less to be excited about because you see each other all the time.

287

In the case of that particular relationship, when I was confronted about this, the person I was dating was a very chill, quiet person.

288

It's like, I don't know how to be bubbly and outgoing with you because you're quiet.

289

And in the moment, I genuinely psyched myself out so bad socially that it made me sort of shut down,

290

which was weird because I'm somebody who's very outgoing.

291

My partner's comment made me shut down a little bit, thus regressing me as a person overall.

292

In retrospect, it's very clear to me

293

that the reason why my partner said this to me was

294

because my partner was particularly self -conscious about their social skills

295

and my social skills being a bit more advanced made them feel bad.

296

So they were confronting me on this, not because it was actually a real issue, but because they were struggling with that.

297

But let me give another example to really, to really paint this picture for you.

298

Let's say your significant other confronts you and says

299

that you hang out with your friends too much and it's immature and unfair to everyone else in your life.

300

This might be a fair complaint

301

if you genuinely do hang out with your friends too much

302

and you don't split your time responsibly with everyone in your life.

303

But there's also a chance that you do actually have a really good balance

304

and that this complaint is not rooted in reality, but rather rooted in your significant others, again, insecurity about the relationship,

305

insecurity in themselves and the fact that maybe they don't have as many friends as you, like there might be a bit of jealousy there.

306

Again, it could be rooted in nothing in particular, just your significant other being unhappy and just wanting to confront you and,

307

and sort of hurt your feelings for the sake of hurting your feelings. Who knows?

308

You might make a correction in your life that is unnecessary and thus becomes harmful.

309

In the case of the bubbly outgoing personality example, when that happened to me, I then went into my shell a little bit.

310

Every single time I was in a social situation, I was overthinking every single move.

311

And not only did that make me miserable, but it also made me less fun to be around.

312

And in the example of if your significant other says, you hang out with your friends too much, but you actually don't, you might start hanging out with your friends less,

313

damaging those relationships unnecessarily it's worth the analysis it's worth paying

314

attention to i briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by squarespace

315

i've always believed that if you have an idea like something you really care about you should own it

316

literally with squarespace you can grab the domain name that feels like you and start building from there.

317

No text stress, no random fees, just your name, your vibe, and your space online.

318

Go to squarespace .com slash Emma for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use code Emma to get 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain.

319

Now, let's get back to the episode.

320

Another way that you can potentially regress in relationships is your self -esteem can decline.

321

If you're not being properly supported and loved, then you start to think subconsciously or even consciously.

322

What's wrong with me?

323

Why don't they love and support me to the extent that I need it?

324

Why are they wishy -washy with me?

325

Why do I not feel like I have a foundation from them?

326

Like, is it my fault?

327

All of this subconsciously lowering your self -esteem,

328

which makes you less fit to handle challenges that come up in your life in a way that is evolved.

329

I gave this example earlier of when I was faced with growth opportunities as a young person during various breakups.

330

Do I go back to my ex and regress or stay stagnant?

331

Or do I push through the pain and the grief and move forward?

332

My parents and their love and support allowed me to move on.

333

There's a lot of people that helped me through those breakups.

334

Because of their love and support, I was able to take the growth opportunity and actually take advantage of it and grow through the experience.

335

However, if I had not had those people in my life, I think my self -esteem would have been too low

336

and my sense of foundation would have been too rattly for me to choose the growth opportunity.

337

You know, I would have gone back to the X's immediately.

338

I know that for a fact.

339

We can also regress through relationships if our confrontations with one another,

340

our arguments, our fights are not handled properly.

341

Fights and arguments in relationships are only opportunities for growth when everyone involved chooses to be the bigger person.

342

Does that make sense?

343

If both people in the relationship are like, you know what, I'm going to be the bigger person.

344

The next thing you know, you're both bigger people.

345

But if you both stoop below your moral compass, if you both stoop low,

346

you say hurtful things and you don't listen to each other and you don't really solve any problems, but at the end of it, you're like, eh, fuck it, we'll just move on and pretend like it didn't happen,

347

but you don't solve anything.

348

No one grows from that.

349

And you might even be stunting the development of your social skills, which is sort of a form of regression.

350

And also you're putting your relationship in a worse position.

351

You know, that's, I think when disagreements and arguments

352

and relationships become a sign of the end is when they're not being solved properly.

353

There's too much ego involved.

354

People are saying things that are mean just for the sake of being hurtful, et cetera, et cetera.

355

Moving on in the same way that relationships can be a mirror for us that inspire us to be better.

356

I've come to find that they can also be mirrors that enable us to remain the same, to continue with our bad habits.

357

If you are in a relationship with somebody who you don't admire, who doesn't have admirable traits or habits,

358

if you look in the mirror that is them back at yourself, there's actually a decent chance that you look pretty good.

359

You know, why change anything?

360

So the mirror thing can actually backfire as well.

361

If you look in the mirror that is the person that you're in a relationship with, again, platonic or romantic, and you see yourself looking perfect and amazing,

362

that's a red flag, in my opinion, because that's actually not accurate.

363

Like everybody on this planet has room for improvement.

364

You see what I mean?

365

So if you aren't seeing that in the mirror, eek, it's not a good sign.

366

Do you see what I mean?

367

And last but not least, as much as relationships can expose you to new perspectives that expand your perspective in a positive way,

368

relationships can also expose you to new perspectives that shrink your perspective in a negative way.

369

If the people around you have more limiting beliefs than you do, your perspective will shrink.

370

If you're strong and can help others broaden their perspectives, great.

371

But if not, then you'll find yourself shrinking.

372

You see what I mean?

373

Like, it's not like all new ideas from other people expand your perspective.

374

Somebody, like an example might be you're dating somebody who is a very negative person who believes

375

that like all amusement parks suck and going to the movie theater sucks and doing art sucks and cooking sucks.

376

Like somebody who just thinks everything sucks, right?

377

Next thing you know, you're gonna start to think everything sucks and your perspective is shrinking and shrinking and shrinking.

378

And again, it happens sneakier than you think.

379

Now, listen, I don't have it all figured out, okay?

380

I don't, but this is something that I think about a lot

381

because I wanna make sure that the relationships I have in my life are having a net positive effect on my life.

382

And listen, I don't have unrealistic expectations.

383

Okay.

384

it's impossible to be in a relationship where there's abundant growth all the time.

385

And there's never a moment of a bit of regression here or,

386

and everything's perfect and everybody's so happy and everyone's growing and everybody's laughing and no one ever does anything wrong.

387

I mean, I think a lot of times in order to grow, there has to be an occasional fuck up.

388

If you don't occasionally fuck up, you might not get confronted very often.

389

Like there is no growth without occasional failure as well, I think.

390

So I don't have unrealistic expectations, but I think it's less about isolated incidents and it's more about the big picture.

391

When I look at my own relationships, I'm looking at, have I grown with this relationship over the last year, over the last five years?

392

Have I grown from this relationship?

393

Or on the contrary, has my quality of life declined?

394

Am I less happy?

395

It's more about the bigger picture and less about isolated incidents.

396

To finish this episode, I thought I would give you some tips on how to figure out

397

if a relationship is helping you grow or causing regression.

398

Now, these are my tips.

399

They're unprofessional and they are ultimately just based on my experience.

400

So take it with a grain of salt.

401

Number one, through honest conversation and reflection with oneself,

402

figure out if you truly respect and admire the person you're in a relationship with.

403

If you can't think of three things that you admire about the person you're in a relationship with, that is not a good sign.

404

And it's shocking how common it is.

405

I've been in so many different types of relationships where I've realized at a certain point,

406

I don't admire or respect this person very much.

407

I love them maybe or I think I love them

408

or I feel like I love them I feel comfortable in our relationship

409

but I don't think I respect them or admire them

410

or respect is actually the wrong word because I try to respect everyone but

411

but by respect I mean more like admire you know in

412

order to grow you need to admire the person you're in a relationship with you have to think

413

that they're awesome and you and they have to have traits

414

that you're like I wish I could be a little bit more like that.

415

And it doesn't need to be anything big or obvious.

416

Like, well, they've saved 10 ,000 puppies from the, from a river once.

417

Like, it doesn't need to be like that.

418

It can literally be like, you know, the way that they hold the door for people, the way that they notice whenever someone's sad and, and offer them a tissue.

419

Like it can be something tiny like that, but you have to have at least three.

420

I mean, if you can't come up with, with three, probably, probably not a growing, healthy, happy relationship.

421

Okay.

422

Number two, if you don't feel comfortable confronting one another about your shortcomings, bad sign.

423

The growth is probably not happening in this relationship because there's a chance that you're growing a little bit, you know, maybe through admiring one another.

424

But I would argue if you don't feel comfortable confronting one another, you can never reach

425

that sort of growth flow state i'm just fucking speaking out of my ass at this point

426

but you get what i'm saying like such a big part of growth is is confrontation

427

and if you don't have

428

that element i don't know how you can be in a

429

relationship where there's inadequate amount of growth again it's like we have peripheral friendships

430

and in acquaintances that are in our life to keep us company

431

but they're not like our close friends they're not in our circle we don't have a deep relationship with them.

432

That's a different type of relationship.

433

I'm talking about deep personal relationships.

434

Those are the types of relationships where, you know, we, we should be demanding a bit more because they demand a bit more of our attention and time, right?

435

Okay, next check in with yourself in your relationship.

436

Are you deeply considering the context of the other person's life and are they considering yours?

437

Are you strong enough to help lift them up out of their hard times

438

and are they strong enough to help lift you up during yours can you even figure out

439

when they're going through a hard time can they figure out

440

when you're going through a hard time are they dragging you

441

down into their misery are you dragging them down into your misery can either of you figure out

442

when it's happening do you get what i'm saying like it is inevitable

443

that in relationships each individual is going to go through a hard time over and over again time time again.

444

And in order to use those hard times as a growth opportunity,

445

the people around you that you're in relationships with need to be able to support you

446

and empathize with what you're going through and speak to you whilst understanding that context.

447

You get what I'm saying? this plays a role in so many different elements.

448

Like if you have a firm grasp on the mental state of the person you're in a relationship with

449

and they confront you in a way that seems sort of irrational, maybe they're like, why, why didn't you come home last night?

450

And you're like, I was working.

451

Like, what, what are you talking about?

452

I was literally at work and they're like, you will always do that.

453

And it's so inconsiderate.

454

And they lash out at you.

455

If you understand the context of their life and you know that they're going through a really hard time, you can better handle that situation,

456

not regress yourself and rather help them grow and communicate better.

457

Do you see what I'm saying?

458

Next, it can be helpful to ask yourself, and I already mentioned this, but I'll mention it again.

459

Is my life better with this person in it or is it worse?

460

Look back at your life before you met this person.

461

Now think about your life with this person or have they added anything?

462

Have they taken anything away?

463

Be honest with yourself.

464

It's very rare that we actually sit down and ask ourselves this question

465

and it can tell us a lot another thing

466

that you can do is ask the people in your life

467

that you deeply trust if they have noticed growth in you since around the time

468

that you started spending time with a specific person right i've

469

done this before with my parents i've been like have you

470

noticed growth in me since around this time not being super specific

471

and it's been interesting to get the answer you know and incredibly valuable.

472

And last but not least, as you evolve and change due to relationships,

473

ask yourself with every single little change that occurs in your life, if you are making these changes ultimately for you,

474

perhaps inspired by them, but ultimately for you, or if you're just making these changes for them to make them happy,

475

to reduce conflict, to satisfy their desires.

476

Who are you changing for?

477

If you're changing for you, chances are that's growth.

478

If you're changing for them, chances are that's in one way or another a form of regression, I would argue.

479

Because even if you make a change for somebody else that actually is on paper ultimately a positive thing, like for example, if your partner's like,

480

I really want you to start waking up early with me.

481

Maybe you hate waking up early.

482

Maybe you're a night owl and that's what makes you happy.

483

That will ultimately come at a cost down the line.

484

Do you see what I'm saying?

485

And will ultimately lead to a little bit of regression.

486

I mean, not that regression is a bad thing.

487

Like we all grow and regress and grow and regress and grow and regress.

488

Like you're going to have moments of regression inevitably.

489

So I don't want to make that sound too negative because I don't think it is.

490

Like, I think it's all a part of an upward trajectory of a realistic upward trajectory, you know?

491

But I think that's an incredible question to ask yourself.

492

And that's all I have for today.

493

That's it.

494

I hope that you enjoyed this episode.

495

Perhaps you found it a little bit helpful or comforting.

496

Maybe you've been having these thoughts or thinking about these things and maybe I just agreed with you. Who knows?

497

But hopefully you enjoyed this episode.

498

And if you did, no worries because there are new episodes every Thursday and Sunday.

499

Okay.

500

So you can hang out with me, um, kind of as much as you want.

501

I talk a lot into the microphone twice a week.

502

So, you know, I'm here for you.

503

Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes.

504

I'm on social media at Emma Chamberlain.

505

My coffee company is around on the internet and in real life at Chamberlain Coffee.

506

That's all I have for today.

507

I love you all.

508

I appreciate you all.

509

I am manifesting for you growth in relationships and I'll talk to you in a few days.

510

Okay.

511

Love you all.

512

Bye.

513

Talk to you later.

514

Bye.

📺 同じチャンネル

✨ おすすめ動画

216 文

Life Lessons Old People WISH Young People Knew

Business EnglishTeensDaily Conversation

475 文

GIRL TALK Q&A: toxic friends, dating drama, healthy relationships, goals and self love [PART 7]

Business EnglishTeensDaily Conversation

578 文

Wait What!? EP 9: Modern Love, Modern Mess

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

188 文

relationships are hard.

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

175 文

How to feel more feminine & sexy

Business EnglishTeensDaily Conversation

142 文

English Listening Practice | Build a Relationship with English | B1-B2

Business EnglishDaily ConversationHigh School Students

172 文

The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is... | That Was Us

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

423 文

Romanticize your life

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

240 文

Give Me 19 Minutes & You Will Know If It’s Time to Leave Your Relationship...

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

918 文

Adulting in Our 30s - New Habits, Values, & Life Lessons We’ve Learned | AsianBossGirl Ep 291

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

349 文

Dilemma With Emma | FULL VIDEO

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

このレッスンの語彙とスピーキングのポイント

このスピーキングレッスンは、動画「relationships change us」を教材にしています。この動画には、シャドーイング用の文が514文、単語が6768語あります。音声の長さは38:40です。話す速さは1分あたり約175語で、日常会話に近い自然なペースです。単語の85%は英語の頻出3,000語に含まれます。残りは練習の前に確認しておきましょう。

この動画の重要語彙

動画に出てくる覚えておきたい単語15語を、発音と意味つきで紹介します。

単語	発音	意味
admire 動詞	/ədˈmaɪɹ/	感心する
gossip 名詞	/ˈɡɑsɪp/	噂, 世間話
mirror 名詞	/ˈmiɹɚ/	鏡, 姿見
habit 名詞	/ˈhæb.ɪt/	習慣
trait 名詞	/tɹeɪt/	特徴
suck 動詞	/sʌk/	吸う, しゃぶる
confrontation 名詞	/ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/	対決, 対立
naturally 副詞	/ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/	勿論
romantic 形容詞	/ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/	ロマンチックな
esteem 動詞	/ɪˈstiːm/	重んじる, 敬う
catalyst 名詞	/ˈkæt.ɪ.lɪst/	触媒
argue 動詞	/ˈɑɹ.ɡju/	議論する, 論ずる
moral 形容詞	/ˈmoɹəl/	倫理的な
deeply 副詞	/ˈdi(ː)pli/	深く
solve 動詞	/sɒlv/	解決する

動画に出てくる句動詞

単語	発音	意味
come out 動詞	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	出る
pick up 動詞		拾う, 拾い上げる
shut down 動詞		シャットダウン
wake up 動詞	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	目覚める, 目を覚ます
get off 動詞		降りる
get up 動詞		起きる
go out 動詞		出る
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	だまれ, うるさい

繰り返し練習したい文

動画に出てくる短く完結した文です。日常会話でそのまま使えます。

Do I like when we kiss?
Do you see what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I mean?
You get what I'm saying?

この動画の文法

話し手がよく使っている文型を、動画の実際の表現とともに紹介します。

文型	動画での表現
条件文 if + 節, will/would + 動詞 — 条件とその結果	if not, then you'll find
現在完了形 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去の出来事が今も関係している	have been · has allowed · I've discovered
受動態 be + 過去分詞 — 誰がするかより、何が起きるかに焦点を当てる	should be rooted · is presented · be called
関係詞節 who / which + 節 — 人や物について情報を加える	baby, which means · somebody who maybe · somebody who wakes

注意したい発音

話し手はyou're, don't, I'mなど、短縮形や弱形を203回使っています。聞こえたとおりの短い形で発音しましょう。

「th」の音: clothing /ˈkloʊðɪŋ/, theater /ˈθi(ə)tɚ/
「sh」と「zh」の音: confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, occasional /əˈkeɪʒ(ə)nəl/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, irrational /ɪˈɹæʃ.(ə.)nəl/
長い単語（アクセントの位置に注意）: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/

日本語話者が苦手な音：

/r/ と /l/ の区別 — /l/ は舌先を歯茎につけ、/r/ はどこにもつけない: naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, moral /ˈmoɹəl/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, reflect /ɹɪˈflɛkt/
/v/ — /b/ にならないように、上の歯を下唇に当てる: solve /sɒlv/, convince /kənˈvɪns/, productive /pɹəˈdʌk.tɪv/, vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, inevitably /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbli/
/f/ — 「フ」ではなく、上の歯と下唇で出す: confront /kənˈfɹʌnt/, confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, comfort /ˈkʌm.fət/, helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/, reflect /ɹɪˈflɛkt/

この動画での練習方法

まず声を出さずに動画を最後まで聞き、知らない単語をメモします。
まず0.75倍速で一文ずつシャドーイングし、慣れてきたら通常の速度に戻します。
自分の声を録音して元の音声と比べます。admire, gossip, mirrorなどの単語に特に注意しましょう。

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由

シャドーイング（Shadowing）は、もともとプロの通訳者養成プログラムで開発された言語学習法で、多言語習得者として知られるDr. Alexander Arguelles によって広く普及されました。方法はシンプルですが非常に効果的：ネイティブスピーカーの英語を聞きながら、1〜2秒の遅延で声に出してすぐに繰り返す——まるで「影（shadow）」のように話者を追いかけます。文法ドリルや受動的なリスニングと異なり、シャドーイングは脳と口の筋肉が同時にリアルタイムで英語を処理・再現することを強制します。研究により、発音精度、抑揚、リズム、連音、リスニング力、そして会話の流暢さが大幅に向上することが確認されています。IELTSスピーキング対策や自然な英語コミュニケーションを目指す方に特におすすめです。

シャドーイングのやり方: ステップ別の完全ガイドを読む →

シャドーイング練習: relationships change us - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ

existential crisis, advice session

my quiet morning routine and other things i like rn

lower your expectations about people

friendship breakups and boundaries, advice session

its not about not caring

finding comfort in yourself, advice session

never say never

social life, success, and sleep

a talk with kendall jenner

bittersweet

are you living for you?

i feel like my life is boring and it scares me

Life Lessons Old People WISH Young People Knew

GIRL TALK Q&A: toxic friends, dating drama, healthy relationships, goals and self love [PART 7]

Wait What!? EP 9: Modern Love, Modern Mess

relationships are hard.

How to feel more feminine & sexy

English Listening Practice | Build a Relationship with English | B1-B2

The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is... | That Was Us

Romanticize your life

Give Me 19 Minutes & You Will Know If It’s Time to Leave Your Relationship...

Adulting in Our 30s - New Habits, Values, & Life Lessons We’ve Learned | AsianBossGirl Ep 291

Dilemma With Emma | FULL VIDEO

このレッスンの語彙とスピーキングのポイント

この動画の重要語彙

動画に出てくる句動詞

繰り返し練習したい文

この動画の文法

注意したい発音

この動画での練習方法

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由