シャドーイング練習: thoughts on sex // EP 78 - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ
レッスンを作成中...
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Good afternoon, everybody.
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Woo!
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Okay, sit down, shut up.
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It's me time.
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Uh, oh!
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Goodness gracious.
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Okay, listen.
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Okay, elephant in the room, let me address it.
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I'm wearing a push-up bra.
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I know, I know, I'm sorry.
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If you're thinking I'm unusually sexually attracted to her today, I'm aroused.
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Well, don't worry, you're not ovulating.
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I just look incredible.
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Anyways, with that said, why am I wearing a push-up bra?
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Because I found it in the back of my closet, okay i didn't even know i had this
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but okay brief trigger warning i'm gonna talk about weight for three seconds
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and then and then i'll shut the fuck up about it i promise
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and i'm gonna try not say anything crazy
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but you guys know i've talked about this publicly before
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that i've struggled with weight loss
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because i was at one point in my life recently extremely stressed
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but it's not even that recently it's nearly a year ago
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that i was deeply stressed
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and i have been struggling to put back on the weight
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i don't know why i think i just like fell into
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sloppy eating habits like i just wasn't eating enough i wasn't eating the right things
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and one thing about me is my entire family is we
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are naturally very very very petite i despise it i have hated it my entire life i feel not skinny
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but scrawny and there is a big distinction between the two
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and despite what people on twitter will say i genuinely have
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never struggled psychologically with eating i have never been inclined toward
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that i just unfortunately naturally very small and i don't like it
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and lately i have okay do you not want to know
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what actually happened to like make me go okay fuck this shit i was laying in bed
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and i like had an itch on my butt cheek and
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so i went to itch my butt cheek
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and i was like wait where's my butt cheek wait guys wait where's my butt cheek
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and i was like oh my god i don't have a butt cheek
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and i was feeling it
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and i was like i'm feeling it right now on camera
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i was like that's fucking crazy where is it i got
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up i stood up i went to the mirror i turned around
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and i was like oh my god my butt is gone who took it me i took it
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so i made a meal plan
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that same day i went to the grocery store sprouts my grocery store of choice
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and i was like okay and since that day
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which was a couple of weeks ago i have been prioritizing meal time like no other
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and i have managed to put back on a bit of
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weight for the first time in like a long time
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and i'm thrilled with it and so to reward myself for having tits
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and ass i put on a pajevo okay is that
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so wrong but anyway that's the point i've got tits
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and ass okay so listen if you're very observant whoa you're very observant you'll notice
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that it's now night time bitch
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if you could see what's just transpired in my life you would lose your fucking mind i have been like
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if you could see what has played out in my life
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over the last five fucking hours you would lose your minds
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i'm about to lose my mind it is 25 minutes past midnight right now
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and i am still filming this godforsaken podcast guys i started at 2 p.m
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and i have been up
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and i've probably done 10 000 steps just going from this
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car to inside my house i've had the busiest day
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and i like i can't tell you any of the stuff that's just transpired
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but i'm losing my mind and i filmed this podcast three times over
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because nothing my camera kept dying
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and it's literally been a charade the way can't film my tits this push-up bra has been on all day
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and there's no blood going to my chest
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but we're gonna talk about why is no one fucking anymore
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and i hear you yell
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but madeline what do you mean people are fucking i'm fucking my friends are fucking i don't see anyone not fucking
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Well to that I serve you this chart.
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It goes sexlessness by time and age and it's going exponentially up.
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And I know it caught me by surprise as well because I thought everyone was on their worst behavior but apparently not.
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And the reason that I have this chart for you today, which I will get my magician to overlay it
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so you can see that I'm not lying
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but the reason i'm giving you that chart k is
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because i have recently felt the need to make a vow of celibacy
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and what's crazy about me saying that is i don't even have
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that much fucking sex i don't i tend not to really
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be like sexually attracted to someone unless i have an emotional attachment to them
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which i rarely have listen it only goes for men
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because i will have sex with a woman three minutes after meeting her, she'll let me.
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But when it comes to men, I don't want to see all that, respectfully, because I don't even want to know you have a penis.
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Listen, leave that shit at home.
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I've said it before, but to me it's so crazy
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because like I don't even like when a guy I'm platonically friends with reminds me that he has a dick on him.
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Like when we're in casual conversation and they mention their balls, take it back.
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And to think that men urinate in the workplace
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and they see their wiener is so gross
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because the one wonderful thing about being a woman is
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and hey it may not be wonderful depending on how you feel about it
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but we don't really see our vaginas on the day to day like unless you look
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because it's like kind of in the part of your body
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that is just like not as visible as a penis right like it's not
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so much in your face and so it's always crazy to me
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that like men just see their genitals like 20 times a day
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if they're peeing you know it's like gross anyway i have
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been thinking about why is the attitude around sex changing in my life
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but also like i feel like it's changing substantially socially
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so number one i think it's the obvious one of people en masse are struggling financially i think and
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if you're not making enough money to afford the basic necessities you're also not going to be going out drinking
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because that shit is expensive it costs money to buy alcohol it costs money to go out
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if you're not going out and you're not drinking
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and you're not going to these like social environments you're not gonna get drunk
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and you're not gonna hook up and you're just even
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if you don't drink you're gonna have less instances where you meet new people
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because i think for most people in my age range at least the main place
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that you meet people is like a bar or a club
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and i don't think i'm like the only one who's gonna
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unless you guys will have a secret club i don't fucking know about in
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which case that is not nice if people are doing
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that less things start to make sense
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but i actually think it goes much deeper than that
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and i will elaborate i think that there is an elephant in the room
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which is not deep enough especially by younger girls
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and this is gonna come off a little bit strong and also kind of gross sorry but listen i genuinely believe
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genuinely believe that the fact that men's pleasure so often is the focus
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when it comes to sex especially casual sex is one of the most understated atrocities okay why do i think
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that i'll tell you i genuinely think it's fucking crazy for
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a man to ask a woman after they have just had
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sex the question did you come don't let a man ever ask me
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that question because i will tell them about themselves
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so fucking fast here's the thing okay as a woman loving women i know what it sounds like
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and looks like and feels like when i am sorry this is gross
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when a girl comes okay i know what it's like
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and it's not first of all it's not that hard
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but that's for another time when they claim that it's confusing and difficult, kill them.
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But back to my point, it is quite abundantly clear when a girl has a good time.
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I know you know that as a man because I know you watch porn and I know you just know that.
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I know you do.
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I know it and you know it.
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Speaking to you man to man right now, it's quite obvious.
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Would we not?
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I will agree.
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Okay?
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And to have the nerve to ask that question signifies two things to me.
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One, you already know I didn't come, right?
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You already know.
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If I didn't come, you know I didn't come.
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And so you asking that question to me feels like manipulation
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because you're trying to convince me that you are invested in any way,
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shape or form in my pleasure by feigning concern over whether or not I came.
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Let me tell you something about yourself, okay?
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You are weird and selfish and probably gay.
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And I'll tell you why.
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To engage in the act of sex with another person and have no regard for how good it feels for them,
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to me, removes the body from my list and only means one thing.
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we did not have sex, you did not fuck me, you just had a wank.
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Unfortunately it was inside of me but babe that was a wank.
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There is nothing to constitute real sex okay because
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and I'll take you back to an age-old question
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that I asked myself as a willower when I was a teenage
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when I was but a wee girl of what constitutes sex
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because I had understood in my upbringing that sex was penis
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and vagina right I'm sorry it's such a graphic episode all of a sudden
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but that's what I understood sex to be And when I lost my virginity, I lost it to my girlfriend at the time
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and I was really struggling to understand at what point do I lose my virginity?
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At what point have we gone from messing around to having full-blown sex?
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And I couldn't really find an answer on the internet
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because all the definitions involved penetration and she did not have the means, you know?
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And so for me, sex is not defined by penetration alone.
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it's really not because there is no one firm definition
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that you can give to intercourse because it looks different between different people
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and i decide that if you don't make me come here's the thing small distinction
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if you tried and it just wasn't working props to you i'll let you off
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if you didn't try we didn't have sex you had a wank get the fuck out of my bedroom
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and i think that it is understated how actually crazy
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that behavior is because what about her as a man made you feel
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that your sensation and your experience came so far above hers like it's just
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so weird to me and it's like as someone who loves women
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and finds them very attractive i love to see them have a good time
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and that's like the best part of sex for me if i'm sleeping with a girl.
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So I struggle to comprehend how a man who is supposedly so attracted to women doesn't want to see that.
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You understand what I'm saying?
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And it's important.
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I'm now just making a case for why you should never fake an orgasm
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because these men need to be held to account because I'm sick of it.
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I am sick of women learning to undermine their pleasure, their bodies.
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I'm sick of letting- I'm sick of seeing younger girls think it's indicative of love
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or care if they have a partner who is happy to allow that experience to play over time and time again.
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It's not okay.
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It's not fine.
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Like, it's not.
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And again, I will make the distinction.
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If he tried, it's different, you know?
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But sometimes shit's just not working.
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Sometimes they fucking suck.
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It's more about the intention for me and how mutual the experience was because I don't think we had sex.
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I think you had sex and that isn't a thing you can't have one-sided sex
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so i can only call that a wank and i hate you
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and you need to leave
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so what was my point there i don't know oh my point was i think
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that there are so many faults in my necklace is wrong i think
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that sexual relationships particularly hookup culture type of relationships
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have so many flaws
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that it's exhausting to even toy with the idea of indulging for what should be leisure
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and release and something that feels good
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and rejuvenating more often than not i think for women for girls it is an experience
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that may leave them feeling worse than they started we now give all kinds of reasons to sex
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and meanings and different power dynamics and this is where i fucking struggle.
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One of the things that I've witnessed,
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the vulnerability that is having their sense of self-worth or their any kind of sense of worth and whatever it may be,
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diminished to some degree by sexual interactions that they've had with men.
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And let me give you an example.
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They're talking to a guy, they meet a guy, things are going really well
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and it gets to the point pretty early on where they
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hook up a lot of the time the boy who was previously treating this girl quite nicely pulls away entirely
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and sort of treats her very indifferently and
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that can drive a bitch insane it really can
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because you can only logically assume that you did something between then
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and now that directly impacted the way they feel about you
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and when they don't tell you what that thing is you will drive yourself insane trying to figure it out.
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Now I once listened to a podcast and I can't
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think of who it was by right now but it was this guy
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and he was interviewing someone I don't know if she was a psychologist
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or a biologist or something but she was basically saying
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that she had studied the neurotransmitters and hormones and chemical reactions
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that happen in men and women respectively when they are falling in love
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and having sex and she said that with men and women
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the process chemically is entirely different and
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when men are creating a bond with someone
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and then they have sex too soon something is released
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and it kind of destroys the foundation that was being built and makes them want to pull away.
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With women sex increases that bond and makes them crave more intimacy
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so after you guys fuck for the first time
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and you're thinking great let's cuddle he's thinking i have to go
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and it's dubbed post-nuclearity right disgusting term by the way hate
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and whilst there may be genuine and valid chemical experiences
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that a majority of the male population experience
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and the majority of the female population experience based on your biological makeup
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that will affect the way that you fall or do not fall in love and the way that you experience
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repulsion after sex or not is what it is
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and I don't know if this lady was right or
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if it was a theory or if it was an opposite I don't know
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and I can't speak to that too much but
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if it's a fact it's a fact and that's fine
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and I think we can all do well to learn more about biology
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and chemistry and how these things interact with our emotional experiences
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because honestly I hate to think about love as being chemical
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because like no I want it to be magical I hate
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that it's like I hate that it's not entirely like my choice
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and like my i just wish it was made of magic
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and not chemicals that to me that feels so sad
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but anyway off the point but regardless of whether
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that anecdote about hormones and chemicals is true my problem lies with the way
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that men so often then treat the girl in question after they feel the need to retreat
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because if you feel the need to retreat
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if you fucking had sex too early
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and whatever it is makes you now want to pull away i'm not gonna tell you that you're wrong for that.
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What I will tell you you're wrong for is having no compassion for how that's gonna make her feel.
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As women specifically, and again I'm only speaking from things that I have like experience with, I think that for me,
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I never, and I don't know how I got so lucky, and I don't mean to, oops, I don't mean to flex,
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but I never felt a connection between my sense of self-worth and the way that someone treated me romantically or sexually.
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And I don't know how I got so lucky
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because this wasn't a philosophy I had or a choice
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that I made it just has never affected me in
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that way I think that if we for example go on a date
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and you choose to not see me again why would
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that affect me personally when you've met me one time
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if we have sex and you pull away
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and suddenly you're being cold with me I might be sad
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because I liked you and I wanted it to work out
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but I'm certainly not going to sit
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and wonder what I did wrong unless I did something fucking crazy in the bedroom
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and then I might think oh was it that
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but generally I acknowledge that these things I think it's just in my makeup
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that I do not feel that it detracts from me in any way
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when someone treats me badly or dismissively or just doesn't want me and even
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if they do it kindly it it doesn't tend to affect
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me deeply however i know for a lot of my friends
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that is not the case and it has a profound impact on the way
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that they view themselves for at least a short period of time one thing
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that i will briefly touch on just quickly
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while we're on the topic is one thing i have to consciously practice is not just from an ego standpoint
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but from a actual valid sense of self-worth and sense of personhood.
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It's very important for me in my specific job to never
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take too much to heart people en masse telling me that they like me.
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Because on a good day, I receive a lot of that, right?
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And that's what my livelihood depends on.
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And also my fulfillment in my work is with people somehow, somewhere, pulling something positive from something I say or do.
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Whether it's just a giggle or whether it's a fucking philosophy, I don't know.
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That makes sense, right?
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And so on a good day, people will tell me that they like me, that they think that I am a good person.
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And it became very important to me very early on in this current career to not bring
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that home with me at the end of the day
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because as much as they can tell me
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that tomorrow they may tell me that i am the worst person they've ever seen
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and that i am wrong and mean and and stupid
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and whatever else it may be and you cannot allow external influences
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and external validation to create an inflated belief that you are good
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and equally you cannot allow it to go the other way either
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because if you allow it to go one way you are vulnerable to it going the other
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if you allow yourself to believe that you are good
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because everyone admires you then you can also allow yourself to believe
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that you are terrible because now everyone fucking hates you
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and neither will ever be true you will always be exactly
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who you were before anyone told you anything about yourself you will always be faulted you will always be multifaceted
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and you will always be right and wrong
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and you will have the capacity for good and evil
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and you are made up of the decisions that you make
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and the behaviours you exhibit and the words that you speak
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and the intentions that you harbour
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and no external words should be able to grossly skew your self-perception
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if that makes sense and it sounds harsh to suggest
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that no one allows themselves to make a compliment make themselves feel good
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but remember i'm mostly just talking about myself in the extreme right now
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which is that I am often flooded with opinions on myself from people outside of myself.
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And so it made it extremely clear to me in a extreme way early on.
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And I think it was Harry Styles who said this and it stuck with me.
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And he was like, people can tell you the best person in the world
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and people can tell you the worst person in the world and none of it is ever going to be true.
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And that fucking resonated, bitch.
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And I think that because I have had to get quite good at
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reinforcing and rechecking that belief structure in myself to make sure
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that I am not overly onboarding anyone's opinion of me into my identity
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or using it as a means of validation beyond what is good or natural or organic.
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I've also become extremely resilient to, I think, rejection in sex and dating because once you really accept
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that nothing most people 90% of the time people's actions
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and behaviors and decisions have absolutely nothing to do with you now the reason I say 90 is
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because sometimes you can be wrong okay sometimes we can be wrong
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and we can do weird shit and we can do wrong shit
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and bad shit and say the wrong thing
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and sometimes people will decide based off something you did
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or said that they don't want to see you again
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and that's okay or that they don't want to be your friend
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and that's okay i'm not saying that these things aren't possible
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and i'm not saying self-reflection isn't necessary i'm saying
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that being in a position where someone's rejection of you especially after you've had sex with them
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when that is able to knock you
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and your sense of self quite violently you're in a bad place
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and i think it's a place where a lot of young women are in
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and i think part of the reason is because well first of all
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when you have sex with someone it's incredibly intimate even
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if it's a fucking hookup and it hurts for someone
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that you shared that even
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if it's brief intimacy with to have them reject you of course it's gonna hurt that's fine
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and it would hurt me too but i think
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that another part of it is the over emphasis that society places on male validation as a whole.
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I think historically and until right now and into the future of course,
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the emphasis on male validation is fucking ingrained into us and whilst it may be ever shrinking,
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at least in the UK and the US, whilst it may be on a downward decline,
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male validation has been a means of survival for women pretty
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much since the dawn of time as they have historically held all of the power financially
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and in terms of knowledge
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and in terms of the law everything like they've held everything right they were in charge of everything okay
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and until what was it the 50s women couldn't have a
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bank account like this shit is new like we are living
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through the first generations of women who do not have to live with a man like just think about
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that for a second
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because it's very easy to hear the rhetoric online about fucking third wave feminism
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and think i don't want to seem dramatic and blah blah blah
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and i see that a lot i don't know
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if you guys agree but i think it's easy to think that these issues are less prevalent than we think
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because we were born into a world where that's just the
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norm of course i can work of course i her money of course i can vote
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but the thing is it doesn't start with you
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and you exist in the context you think you just fell out of a coconut tree bitch your mother
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and your grandmother and your great-grandmother all, can you tell it's 1am?
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They all needed men to get by, okay?
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Financially, politically, to have a house, to have a everything, to have a life.
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They needed a man.
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They had to have a man.
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And if not your mother, certainly your grandmother.
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If you're not your grandmother, by some miracle, your great-grandmother, for sure.
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It's not that far away.
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And although that is not the political climate you were born into, most likely, unless you're really old,
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the values and the ways of thinking and the everything
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that is passed down by your maternal lineage is going to have remnants of what is now called male validation
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and a chronic need for male validation because that was the only way they could have survived.
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I think that there is so much reasoning behind why why male validation is still
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so prevalent because it was like I said the means of survival.
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For most of history it has been the lifeline for women
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and the only proximity they can gain to the outside world
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and to any level of power is by their proximity to men
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and it makes sense then when you see young girls
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and women as a whole base
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so much of their sanity over the approval of a man
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and so you see why hookup culture is fucking damaging to women
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because more time than not men do just want to fuck
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and then they want to leave and whether that's
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because their wiring is different and they just can do that
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or whatever it is it's really easy to get caught up in the emotions of
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that and i think that being conscious of that is important
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and i think that one thing i find despicable is
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when boys use the phrase pick me to describe a girl
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who is strictly obeying the laws of what will get a boy to like her whether it's you know pretending
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that she fucking loves football when she doesn't
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or whether it's you know dressing in a certain way to get boys approval and the thing is, the saddest thing is, a lot of the time boys see through it.
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They know when something is not authentic.
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Because as much as they'll have you believe otherwise, they're deeply intuitive beings because they're humans and they can tell when something is inauthentic and has an ulterior motive.
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And what I find sickening is they turn it around so quickly.
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Like just two seconds ago, women were, you know, employing a very smart survival tactic, which was proximity to men, despite them wanting other things.
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And times changed, but it takes cultures a long time to unlearn things.
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And so now you have young girls, in my view, doing too much to please men.
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And they don't even know why, but they place so much value on it.
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And then men turn around and laugh at them for being a pick me.
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Have some fucking empathy, will you?
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And I don't know how I've got onto this whole rant about fucking pick me's
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but I just every behavior has its root and
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if you can identify the root and it is something
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that is not evil then you should have compassion for it
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and it annoys me
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that no one ever stops to fucking think I'm mostly speaking more about the younger girls
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that that don't yet have the perspective
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or knowledge to do anything else anyway I've got off topic
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so basically i think that as people become more socially conscious
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which i think things like tiktok are aiding rapidly
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and look tiktok has its faults for sure but i think
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that one of the better things and great things
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that it does help is this like rapid growth in like social awareness
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and cultural awareness and awareness of all kinds so i'm not surprised
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that people don't want to fuck because
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when you start it's kind of like you reach a point of no return i think as a woman
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or as anyone who is just able to see patterns
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and able to recognize repetitive behavior and is sick of it
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and doesn't want to do it doesn't want to partake in it
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and i think
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that right now we live in a time unfortunately where the
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autonomy specifically of women's bodies seems to be everyone's favorite topic of debate
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and it seems to be debated in rooms where women as a whole do not have any control
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and it is something that all women are acutely aware of right
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and even if you live in a place where
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that is not affecting you negatively you are still aware of a certain shift
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of attention onto you and your body
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and your ability to make your own decisions
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and your right to make your own decisions pertaining to your body
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and i think that a very understandable and natural response for
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that is just to not want to even share your body
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with anyone regardless of how progressive their political views are it goes beyond
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that i think it's a sense of like very innate
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and very subconscious self-protection like i empathize with the feeling of
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just wanting to build like a fucking steel enclosure around myself at times
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and let no one in and back to my point
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that i actually tried to make it an hour ago of i don't personally feel
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that my power and my self-worth are closely intertwined
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or intertwined at all with who i fuck
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or how they treat me after the fact
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if you treat me like shit after we have sex you're a piece of shit
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and it's nothing to do with me point blank fucking period
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if you decide that we're not a good match
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and you don't want to speak or hang out
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or have sex again respect that's fine again i'm just not gonna take it personally
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because i have enough evidence
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that that's not a reflection of me being crazy unless it is
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and in which case also period you're a smart one
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but like what i'm saying is i have a good sense of self
447
and therefore i don't find that it's too easily rocked by people that i encounter sexually and romantic
448
Do you know what I mean?
449
And my point was saying that is not just to flex, okay? Although partly.
450
But my point was saying that is, lately, I have felt that if I have sex, and mind you, like, sex is not that big of a thing for me.
451
Like I said earlier, I don't indulge, really, outside of relationships.
452
It's just not for me.
453
But I have done, and even though it's not top of mind for me lately, I've been, like, specifically repulsed at the idea of doing it.
454
And not in the sense that it's not physically appealing to me.
455
Or that there's not a cute guy that I've got my eye on.
456
Or a cute person I've got my eye on.
457
Because there is.
458
I have a big, big crush on someone right now.
459
And it's ruining my life.
460
Oh, it's ruining my life.
461
Guys, so serious for one sec.
462
It's ruining my life.
463
And despite that, I can't think of anything worse than sleeping with them.
464
And I've never been in this position before.
465
And I don't understand it.
466
And I keep trying to put a theory to it.
467
Like, it's not just that I don't want to have sex with the person I have a crush on.
468
It's that I don't want anyone to touch me.
469
And not in the way that the physical act repulses me.
470
But something deep in my soul says no. And I've never felt that way before.
471
Because usually, sex is very, like, physical for me.
472
Unless I'm dating or in love with the person.
473
I guess it's my PCOS.
474
I got loads of testosterone.
475
I am very capable of having sex just be sex
476
and it's not something I enjoy but it is something I'm capable of.
477
Like it's in my makeup to not be attached
478
or not need attachment or not need anything emotionally from a person to have sex with them.
479
It won't bother me, I just don't like it but it won't bother me.
480
Does that make sense?
481
So to now be in a position
482
where the idea of sex is actually terrifying to me
483
and repulsive and invasive and feels like a loss of power is very confusing to me
484
because I don't equate sex to power or lack thereof.
485
I don't equate someone's fucking body count to have any attribute to the kind of person they are, whether they are good or bad or whether,
486
I don't think it says anything about a person other than their sex drive.
487
That's what it denotes, connotes for me.
488
Nothing else.
489
So why now do I suddenly feel so vulnerable when I think about having sex and I can't figure it out?
490
I hate that I'm coming to you with no solution
491
and no think piece because usually
492
when I film these podcasts it's like I've already gone through the experience
493
and come out the other end and I have something to like tell you.
494
When I'm speaking right now I'm speaking with questions
495
because I don't know what's going on
496
but I'm live time trying to figure it out
497
and I'll let you know if I get there
498
but I think it might also just be something to do
499
with for the first time in my life I'm actually doing a big girl thing
500
which is living somewhere when my mum is not down the road I'm in a new country
501
and on top of that forgive me for saying this
502
but I'm single
503
and I never thought I would be someone to feel this
504
way I didn't even know this was an option to feel this way
505
but something in me and don't know
506
if this is a horrible thing to say feels a lack of protection
507
and a lack of not a lack of
508
but a possibility for a lack of integrity
509
because i don't have these massive kind of pillars holding me up
510
and i didn't even know that that was a thing until recently i didn't know
511
that was a way i could feel
512
but i think something about coming to la and realizing that a lot of the time
513
when I'm around people who know me or know my friends
514
or or whatever it may be in those situations a lot of the time people will know your relationship status
515
and therefore they will know that I am single
516
and I don't know if it's something about that
517
that is freaking me out I feel for the genuine first time in my life I feel vulnerable
518
and I've said this before I've said this a couple podcast
519
episodes ago I was talking about how the distance from my family
520
and my community
521
that I grew up with has made me feel alone for the first time in my life
522
and made me crave what I was talking about a couple weeks ago was
523
that I was craving connection of any kind
524
and I was going on dates
525
and I was trying to meet people even though I'm not
526
in a place in my life where I can have that
527
or want that but I was doing it
528
because I felt shockingly alone even though I have friends here
529
and then once I realized the root cause of my feelings I decided to actively stop going on dates
530
and stop trying to fucking meet people
531
because I was like okay well this is not the solve I just have to feel this
532
and it's going to be unpleasant but
533
that doesn't mean you have to escape the feeling sometimes it's okay to just sit with it
534
and so I decided to sit with it
535
and now it's almost taken a turn where it's like
536
that same loneliness and that same exposed and vulnerable feeling
537
that I have here without my mom and my family and my friends makes me want to
538
hide away because rather than go out
539
and meet people like it was previously making me feel now
540
it's more of like a they almost felt like my protectors in a way
541
and they weren't
542
but they it that's the loss i feel i think of
543
people to protect me from ill-intended bad people who i don't always have the best discernment to identify
544
and and also So when you're around a lot of people that know you very well, be it your family or your relationship or your friends,
545
especially friends who have been in your life for a long period of time, which was the case for me back home,
546
there is a level of accountability that you are permanently held to discreetly.
547
by that i mean
548
if you just rock up tomorrow with a new personality people are going to notice
549
that you have gone through something overnight
550
and they are going to ask you hey what the fuck
551
and it holds you to a level of integrity of character
552
because people will call you out on change if it's negative change and if
553
if the change seems like it's coming too quickly for example one time my best friend Millie sat me down
554
and was like hey babe ever since you got into this relationship you have become someone that you would hate.
555
I don't know if you've noticed but you're a bad friend
556
and you are becoming someone who doesn't act in alignment with your previous morals.
557
You don't like who you are right now don't know
558
if you know and it's that kind of thing that makes me feel stable in life
559
because it assures me that it's like a safety net like i might go crazy tomorrow
560
or tonight but someone's gonna see that
561
and they're gonna tell me hey baby went crazy and
562
that makes me feel safe and i still have that
563
because i still have all my friends and my family but it's just
564
bitch i feel so far from home like that's the best way i can describe it
565
and and now i'm just rambling about issues
566
that don't affect anyone except me so i should shut the fuck up
567
because this is a podcast and not a diary
568
but I don't know I feel intimidated and exposed by by something
569
and I feel that if I was to sleep with someone in a casual manner
570
or even in an intimate way that I would lose power
571
but I don't know where
572
that power is I can't identify I can't find it I don't feel
573
that I even have any power to lose and I've never equated sex with power before but I feel it right now.
574
I think it's possible, at least for me and maybe for other people, that somewhere along the line,
575
I have developed an unhealthy relationship with sex due to being around men who view women in an overly sexual way.
576
And there is a massive distinction between men who love sex and love women.
577
Do you, King?
578
Fully.
579
Be respectful and do you.
580
There's a huge distinction between that which i think is fine
581
and men who view women as sexual beings before anything else without bothering you with the specifics of why
582
or giving examples i think
583
that i unfortunately spent a lot of time around men who were point blank derogatory towards women
584
and i made the mistake of thinking that this wouldn't have an impact on me.
585
I have found myself slipping into unhealthy perspectives around sex
586
and what that says about me as a person and I think
587
that I disagree with the notion
588
that your body count has anything to do with your self-worth like I said earlier
589
but that doesn't exempt me from unfortunately still feeling a level of shame about this stuff
590
even as I'm talking about it on this podcast and admitting oh yeah I've hooked up with people
591
there's a level of like pain in my spleen when I say
592
that because I can't take it back once I publish this
593
and I then have to face shame and I think that that is genuinely really sad.
594
I also think that it's important as a woman to not in the lens of shame
595
but in the lens of self-protection
596
understand the power that you do have when it comes to how you engage with the world in a sexual way
597
by having a conscious knowledge of how much men pay for
598
being in the proximity of a woman let alone having sex with her
599
when you realize just how deep this stuff goes and the way
600
that a lot of men not all of them of course
601
but many of them view women view sex
602
and view you as a result of it i think it's
603
important to be aware of those things however I think it's hard to be aware of them
604
and not take them on personally
605
and I think that's where I'm getting a bit stuck recently is I'm becoming aware I think
606
because I'm alone and I'm single in this new place I'm becoming aware of how I am perceived
607
and becoming aware of the emphasis on how you're supposed to conduct yourself
608
sexually in the world and what's an acceptable body count
609
and what isn't and what's acceptable to do and what's not
610
and all of it just feels to me unpleasant
611
and I don't think I'm making any sense tbh I don't I don't
612
but my actual point was I'm wondering
613
if it's necessary to claim celibacy even though I probably wouldn't
614
end up having sex in this same time frame anyway say
615
I designate a year to celibacy i could call it by
616
any other name bitch it's just still not gonna be having sex
617
and it's just like okay if i call it
618
that then it feels intentional
619
and then it feels like growth do i have to do something
620
so for some people drastic for me maybe drastic as intentional
621
celibacy for 12 months in order to fix what has gone
622
wrong somewhere down the line in terms of how i view myself
623
and how i respect myself
624
and how i how i take on other people's perspectives perspectives of me is like
625
and it begs the same question as like is Suffering necessary to enact real change in your personhood.
626
I don't know it feels it Because I often agree with the stance of like, you know change comes from discomfort.
627
Yeah in a lot of cases That's true.
628
I think
629
that a lot of good change comes from discomfort Whether that's
630
the discomfort of moving somewhere new of switching friend groups of changing your entire fucking career
631
because hey it didn't feel good
632
or whatever it is i think a lot of times change does come from discomfort
633
and a lot of change and learning comes from pain
634
but i think the whole notion as a general statement
635
that in order to have change you have to experience discomfort i disagree with
636
and i'm trying to unlearn it i'm trying to unlearn the belief
637
that discomfort is necessary but maybe that's futile because i'm uncomfortable anyway
638
so what's the point it's so late
639
and i don't know what i'm saying anymore i don't know
640
but i think that a lot of the time previously for me
641
and for others when you seek out sex in in a casual way
642
or casual dating in any form you more often than not
643
are just seeking closeness right like it's not crazy to want a companion in this world quite normal
644
and i think that if what you're seeking is closeness and all you're getting is a shitty
645
a shitty fucking dinner if that maybe a couple of hours in their room
646
or whatever it may be you're gonna be disillusioned pretty quickly
647
and you're gonna learn
648
that casual dating is not gonna supply you more often than not obviously there's exceptions
649
but i think that you learn in your early adulthood
650
that more often than not these things aren't going to fulfill the need of closeness
651
or intimacy and ultimately the most you can really hope to gain from a one night stand
652
or from casual anything is too how do i say this eloquently too nut
653
and as i said before it's all too common
654
that i think for a lot of women that is not achieved
655
and it is not prioritized and
656
so of course by the time you hit fucking 21 you're not interested in doing it anymore
657
because you know what's gonna happen nine times out of ten, you're just gonna be disappointed.
658
You're not gonna achieve the closeness, you're not gonna fill the void, and you're not even gonna come.
659
So no, I'm not up right now, bitch.
660
I don't know.
661
Tell me if I'm going crazy.
662
I think it can feel really draining when what you want is intimacy, emotional intimacy and closeness, and you're lying there with someone, even if they're humoring your vision,
663
okay, and you're playing house. Because
664
I've had that happen where I go on a date
665
and we play house for a couple of days
666
and it's like this weird weird dynamic
667
that happens sometimes especially with women where like you'll go on a date
668
and you'll hang out for like three days
669
and like they're basically your girlfriend for three days
670
and then maybe you just like never hang out again I've had
671
that happen and so in that case
672
that you do achieve a level of closeness and you do get on
673
and maybe the sex is good
674
but you're laying there next to someone who just ultimately you know you don't want to date
675
and it's fun in the moment but you know it's just a moment
676
and you know i'm not gonna pursue this past the next 24 hours say
677
or past the next time i get fucking drunk
678
and call you there is a deep loneliness in that feeling
679
and there is a deep exhaustion in that feeling
680
and ultimately nothing can simulate connection other than real connection and
681
so i think once you try these things out once or twice
682
you just get disillusioned too quickly bro i'm telling you guys it's crazy
683
because whenever you're watching this it's probably like a reasonable hour of the day
684
or the oh my hunchback of the day
685
or the evening for me it's like literally two in the
686
fucking morning basically well it's 1 55 a.m as i'm filming this
687
and well to cut a long story short i don't think
688
that people fucking less signifies
689
that people want it less i think it signifies a collective sigh that's how it feels
690
because when you are faced with a lot of truth as we are on tiktok
691
and i keep bringing tiktok up but it's like there are
692
so many strong voices on tiktok that point out tough truths to us about the world we live in, about the culture we live in,
693
and about the ways in which we are treated that maybe we didn't even notice were wrong and now we've been told, oh, this is really wrong.
694
And you think about it and you go, yep, that is wrong.
695
I didn't even notice.
696
And now, no one can get past the first date without me realizing
697
that what they are saying hints at a value system I don't want.
698
I think as we become more conscious collectively, it makes it a lot harder to wanna bang.
699
I need to go to bed, okay?
700
No bangy, basically.
701
Everyone, keep it in your pants and respect yourselves.
702
And boys, look up a tutorial on how to make her cum
703
if you don't know what the fuck and you're panicking, okay?
704
It's not that fucking hard.
705
Trust me.
706
I do all the time.
707
Okay, I'm bored.
708
I love you guys.
709
It is late as fuck.
710
What am I gonna do?
711
I'm not tired.
712
I am, actually.
713
All right.
714
Well, I don't know if that was a really boring episode
715
or not but I love you guys oh my god and I will see you same time same place
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このクリップのスピーキング目標
日常的な会話での自然な語調やスピード、くだけた表現の使い方を習得することが目標です。特に、shadow speech（シャドーイング）を通じて、話し手のリズムや抑揚を模倣し、IELTS スピーキング対策にも役立つ即応力を養います。
フレーズバンク
- 「elephant in the room」（誰も触れない問題）
- 「brief trigger warning」（簡単な注意喚起）
- 「sloppy eating habits」（雑な食生活）
- 「prioritizing meal time」（食事時間を優先する）
- 「thrilled with it」（とても喜んでいる）
これらのフレーズは、動画で英語学習する際に頻繁に登場する実用的な表現です。シャドーイングで繰り返し練習し、自然に使えるようにしましょう。
弱点を直そう
このビデオは、くだけた会話でのshadowspeaks（シャドーイング）のリズムを鍛えるのに最適です。話し手の「uh」「okay」などのフィラーワードや、途中での息継ぎのタイミングに注意して模倣しましょう。また、「I'm sorry」「I promise」などの感情的な表現の抑揚も重要で、これによって会話がより自然に聞こえるようになります。英語シャドーイングの際は、スピードを抑えずに正確に発音することを目指し、繰り返し練習することで成果が得られます。
この動画の文法
話し手がよく使っている文型を、動画の実際の表現とともに紹介します。
| 文型 | 動画での表現 |
|---|---|
| 現在完了進行形 have/has been + -ing — 以前に始まり今も続いている動作 | have been struggling · have been prioritizing |
| 現在完了形 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去の出来事が今も関係している | i've talked · i've struggled · have hated |
| 受動態 be + 過去分詞 — 誰がするかより、何が起きるかに焦点を当てる | been inclined · are invested · is not defined |
| 関係詞節 who / which + 節 — 人や物について情報を加える | someone who loves · man who is · women who do |
シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由
シャドーイング（Shadowing）は、もともとプロの通訳者養成プログラムで開発された言語学習法で、多言語習得者として知られるDr. Alexander Arguelles によって広く普及されました。方法はシンプルですが非常に効果的：ネイティブスピーカーの英語を聞きながら、1〜2秒の遅延で声に出してすぐに繰り返す——まるで「影（shadow）」のように話者を追いかけます。文法ドリルや受動的なリスニングと異なり、シャドーイングは脳と口の筋肉が同時にリアルタイムで英語を処理・再現することを強制します。研究により、発音精度、抑揚、リズム、連音、リスニング力、そして会話の流暢さが大幅に向上することが確認されています。IELTSスピーキング対策や自然な英語コミュニケーションを目指す方に特におすすめです。