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Greetings everyone.

Ew.

Hi guys.

Hey.

Hey guys.

Hey.

Welcome to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome.

Coffee.

Next to me.

Why?

It's 4pm.

Guys, what is it about fucking 4pm?

Like, I genuinely...

I wake up in the morning with a flame in my heart.

Like, I just can't wait for the day.

Not every day.

Not every day, but like a lot of the time I get happy in the morning.

I like the mornings.

There's so much hope for the day.

It's also the time of day where I can drink as much caffeine as I want, right?

With no consequences to bedtime.

I'm alive.

I'm happy.

There's hope.

There's goals.

There's potential.

And then around 4 p.m., that's the time where I say no more caffeine, no more fun stuff.

Got to start thinking about tonight.

My all of my happy hormones go away.

Like, I get spooky and scary around 4pm.

And by like 8, I'm like back on track.

Like, I'm eased into the fact that it's evening and tomorrow is nearly hit.

I will soon be in bed and everything will be fine.

Tomorrow I can wake up and try again.

Today, I had the weirdest morning.

I swear we have interesting things to talk about this week.

But like, this morning I woke up at 1 minute to 7.

What the fuck?

I've never done that before, like, organically.

Unless I'm severely jet lagged.

I woke up at one minute seven no alarms I was like what the fuck like what the actual fuck

got up like I wasn't even tired enough to lay in bed I just got up

and then I came I think it's

because I genuinely rested over the weekend I didn't do any like real work over the weekend kind of

which I usually just do a bit here and there every day

and then just like I don't really consider myself as needing a weekend

because my job is so fucking easy so I'm like I'll just

do a bit of work every day of the week

and like I'll survive I'm sure

but I did actually have a busy week last week

so then I was like I'm gonna take the full weekend

and just like rest and not do anything intentionally

and then maybe I'll actually be more productive during the week oh there's a thought

so I did

that maybe that's why I feel maybe that's why I woke

up this morning I don't know anyway made myself the best

breakfast I've maybe ever made in my life three hard-boiled eggs

smoked salmon on the side half of a bagel with brie cheese brie cheese yes

and fucking prosciutto crazy and a ciggy's yogurt how you say

that the protein as

if there was enough protein in everything i already made like what the fuck gains or whatever

that was at seven ish by 8am i was asleep on

the couch fell asleep at eight woke up at 10 confused as fuck

because i don't even remember falling asleep i was like what the hell

and i felt so gross

that i had wasted my perfect morning perfect breakfast perfect wake up time everything

and then it suddenly is like half 10

and i was like what the actual fuck happened

so I went for a walk

and on my walk I realized I was nearby this plant shop

that I saw like a week ago

and I was like oh I could buy some plants

and I'm close enough to my apartment that I could carry them home

so I went in and I bought a plant I bought a monstera monstera plant don't know

if that's how you say it I've had one before loved

it didn't kill it it actually still is alive at my mom's house

and it's massive the lady in there though she tried to

sell me I was like do you have any other like somewhat low maintenance house plants

and she points me to a fig tree there's been two

fig trees in my care before both of them dropped their leaves just

because I looked at them I looked at her

and I was like I don't know I've killed a couple of those before

and she goes yeah they could be a bit finicky a

bit I genuinely what the fuck scat you're a scam artist

and I know she thought she could pull one over on me

because when I looked at the monstera

or whatever it's called I've had them before I've had multiple of them

and I love them they're like my favorite houseplant

because they grow new sprouts or whatever the fuck so quickly

and it's like there's always something exciting going on

but I couldn't remember the name of it so I looked at her

when I first walked in I was like what is

that plant called and then she's like oh that's a monstera

or whatever the fuck

so she obviously thought I was some kind of dweeb some

kind of dweeb new to the plant caring business I'm not

I'm not I'm quite a good plant mom remember I got

that whole book yeah I've got a whole fucking book I've

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had house plants ever since my first year of uni I

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was really depressed my mum came to visit me at uni one time

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and she was like I was like really depressed she took me to the shop to get me food

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and then she also was like I'm gonna buy you this basil plant

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because number one I love basil

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and number two she was like it'll keep you company

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and you can fucking eat it so it's two in one I was like okay

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and that was what got me into plants and they always since then I've had house plants this This is, since moving into this New York apartment,

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this is the longest time I've not had plants in my care.

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I couldn't bring my house plants from LA because I didn't have an apartment.

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I was like, just sleeping in hotels for like three months before I moved in here.

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So they are no longer with me, but yeah, this is the longest I've gone.

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She tried pulling one over me.

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She said, yeah, fig trees, low maintenance.

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No, it's not.

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Also, how fucking expensive is that?

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I know your tricks.

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Anyway, my lips always feel so crusty.

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Ugh.

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Anyway, so behind my camera right now is my new Monstera whatever-the-fuck plant.

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And I got some soil to repot it because it needs repotting.

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I watered it.

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And now I have a baby.

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I wasn't going to get any houseplants here because, number one, I don't even think this is the vibe.

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Like, normally I think houseplants are always the move for an apartment that needs extra love and life.

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but for some reason this apartment just to me doesn't give

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you need a bunch of plants I don't know maybe I'm crazy

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but I was like let me just get one for company

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and then see if I like the apartment more with it in

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but let me just get a friend I need a friend I need something in here that's alive with me

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because currently it's just me and the occasional roach

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which is really starting to grind my gears hey I literally cannot fathom the fact

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that this is just part of my life now The thing is, this is genuinely, it's a nice building.

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There's an exterminator that comes every Thursday for the basement, which I don't like.

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I wish they didn't tell me that.

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Why does it need it every fucking, I know it's New York, I get it, it's normal.

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I just wish I didn't know.

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And then anyway, I just, there's been three now.

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Roaches in my apartment, one alive, two were found dead.

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The alive one, I never would say that I'm happy

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that a friend of mine had an adverse experience and I didn't, right?

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I love my friends, I don't want them to suffer with all love to Toa I am

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so glad that was you and not me babe

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because all we were talking she came to stay for my birthday

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and she was like doing her laundry right before she was leaving on the last day

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and I just I was in the hallway talking to her

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she was in the bathroom I just heard the loudest scream

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and I knew immediately that's a cockroach scream it's a cockroach scream

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and I had initially kept the information from her that there had ever been any kind of

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whiff of a cockroach in here

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because I know what she's like unfortunately an alive one found her t-shirt

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and in her words was wearing it it was wearing it

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so I'm sorry t that that happened what's really fucking crazy though is

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that my I I didn't know what to do

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because it was alive like if it was dead I would have got rid of it

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but it wasn't and I'm not doing that so I called my superintendent

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and I was like help help help like there's a roach I don't know if that's what you're meant to do

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I don't know if you're even allowed to do that

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but I called him and I was like please come

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and help me he came the guy shows up I'm like imagining

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that he's maybe gonna like I didn't know what I thought

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I don't know what I was expecting to see him show up to my apartment with

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but what I wasn't expecting was for him to show up

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with one latex glove just one I opened the door

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and he was like where is it

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and I was like it's in the bathroom I have no

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right to ask you a single question about your setup up just

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if that's what you want I show him to the bathroom

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he closes the door goes in there I hear some things moving around a fight ensues

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if you will and then I hear the toilet flush

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and he comes out and he's like I killed it

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and he's like I took it I killed it

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and I flushed it that is a god he's a god the respect

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that I have for him is genuinely I have never felt

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that for a person before like you're the closest thing a

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man can get to being a god in my opinion speaking of gods

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and the that's made me think of the high fae i'm halfway through akatar

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and she's about to fuck him i think i will get back to you i'll get back to you

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but they just went swimming

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and they went swimming in their undergarments in the pool of

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starlight oh my god i just i i've been on

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and off with the book because it's a fucking slow start

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but I just picked it up again like a day ago

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and I'm getting really into it now because shit's heating up and she is getting less annoying.

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My initial qualm with that book was like Feyre

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or however you say her name is so annoying like her internal monologue makes me genuinely want to smack her.

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It's so I understand if I had read

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Hurtin no I would have taken issue at any age I would have been more inclined to like her

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when I read if i read that when i was like 16 17

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which 15 14 14 year old me would have fucked with pharah

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but and i understand maybe that's the demographic of the book i'm reading

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and if that's the case then fine i get it

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but like i've been struggling with pharah a bit but now

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that she's warming up and not being

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so bloody annoying i can get into it i can get

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into i'm having a hard time picturing her like i can

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picture tamlin i can picture lu can't picture pharah for some reason i'm trying to like figure it out

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but i think that's really cock blocking me in this whole scenario

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so i'll get back to you i made this coffee with new beans

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that i've never tried before it's 4 p.m did i mention

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that already what's going on it's 4 p.m

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and i should not be drinking coffee right now

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but i have therapy tonight fuck it fuck it cheers well maybe not cheers we're gonna see

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if it's nice first well cheers regardless obviously hot hot hot

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oh it's not actually hot oh yuck i think yuck to all coffee until I drank

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and drunken drunk hello drunk enough cups drank to drink to

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drank I drank I was drunk I drunk I drank what's the difference let's look fuck off you're in my way

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it's two friends use drank as the simplest past tense of the verb drink e.g I drank water

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and use drunk as the past participle with helper verbs like I have, has or had, I have drunk water.

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Drunk.

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Okay, so it would be drunk.

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Until I have drunk enough cups.

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No, that's past participle.

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This is a hypothetical past participle.

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Until I have drunk enough cups, I guess it still works the same.

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Simple past, use drank when an action happened at a specific time in the past.

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No. When to use drunk, past participle with helper verbs, use drunk afterwards like have, has or had.

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Okay, so when I have drunk enough cups, I will know if I like it.

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Well, I will like it inevitably.

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I warm to any type of bullshit coffee you give me.

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Like the amount of disgusting coffee beans I've bought in my life, taken the first sip and genuinely made a face as

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if I've just smelt like three piles of dog shit on my shoe

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and then I will drink it regardless and then I'm saying I'm genuinely a fan of that coffee bean after a week.

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It's disgusting.

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I'll put anything in this body, in this temple.

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Okay.

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So what the fuck was I talking about?

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oh yeah anyway

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so more importantly i don't remember what i was talking about before nor do i really care to find out

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so more importantly let's talk about it fucking sterling point why

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is this on my journal yuck sterling point big fan huge

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fan where is everybody from like where the fuck is everybody from where are we all from crazy crazy okay

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if you haven't seen it i'm gonna be spoiling the shit out of it

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so do with

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that information what you will what the fuck is his name

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rory my main point of my main we need to talk about rory essentially so annie ends up with

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ellis we all knew

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that was coming there's obviously passion there it mixes in nicely

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with her mom's storyline blah blah blah blah i would have been happy if she ended up with rory

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The nice thing about Sterling Point is that there's no, it's like, there's no evil boy.

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Well, the brother's an issue, but like there's no evil boyfriend potential.

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Like they're both good people.

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That is so rare.

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It's something interesting actually that I think Amazon Prime has done more than once.

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When I was watching off campus, there's this scene after, I can't remember the main guy's name, but after the main hockey player guy finds out

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that the main girl was sexually assaulted and hasn't had sex since

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and then he's like working out in the gym with one of the other hockey guys

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and they're talking about like how is he gonna go about sex

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or something with her now that she wants to have sex again

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and I can't remember the context but they're having

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that kind of conversation

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and you're thinking well I was thinking like oh god like two gym bros in the gym talking about sex

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and a girl being assaulted and how is he gonna fuck her now?

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I was like, oh, this is just gonna be a horrible scene and it's gonna piss me off.

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And then they have the healthiest conversation about sex and making her calm and making her comfortable.

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And like, I can't remember what the fuck they even said, but I remember being like, wow, that's unrealistic.

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Well, maybe it's not.

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Maybe it's not always unrealistic.

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It's obviously fucking possible.

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And that was what they wrote.

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And like, that was so nice.

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That was such a nice version of reality to watch.

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I like that they were both great options

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but the thing with Rory is

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and I have actually some suggestions okay I have some suggestions

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granted I'm assuming there's gonna be a season two number one

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season two I'm gonna need someone to just go in there and just fucking ruffle his hair

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ruffle his hair for me maybe he could grow it out a bit in between seasons

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if no ruffling just don't brush just ruffle please beg I'm begging the second thing is is

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that the only thing that made

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Rory slightly not an unlikable character for me

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but like less favorable than Ellis is the fact

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that he is really the here's the thing I was gonna say he's like oh he's the one

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that comes from money and like everyone knows that

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that just can be unappealing like a super rich like soft milky boy like i do who wants

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that even if you're hot even

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if you're nice it's like especially in tv like obviously the hot gritty guy who fucking works at the boatyard

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or whatever and steals money is more appealing okay i was like

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that doesn't make any fucking sense

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because literally they are millionaires like like the three other main

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characters in the tv series are millionaires like probably significantly richer than rory in fact definitely richer than rory

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because it's rory's parents who were rich and then fucking Annie is actually rich

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and like everyone else is pretty well off too like we've just inherited the entire island like what do we

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so then I was like well

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that can't be my qualm with Rory's character my qualm with Rory's character is

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that he is too wishy-washy like he could acknowledge

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that what his friend was doing was wrong

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but he couldn't stop him in the moment only kind of say something after

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which commendable but still like that's not hot

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and then the other thing is his mother

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so in season two i need number one i need his hair ruffled

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and number two i need him to become estranged from

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that awful family of his that will supply him with the grit

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that he needs for his character to finally be actually sexy

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and not like borderline sexy and in rejecting his family okay

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and in having been to college in the time in between season one and season two

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his character will come back with some different clothes some different clothes

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and not partaking in his awful family

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and i'm not saying he needs to completely disconnect from his mother

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but he needs to at least not be he needs to

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become aware of what's going on with his mom his fuck-ass mom

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and then he needs to reject that in front of her face

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and whatever happens next don't care he could stay in touch with her he could not don't really care

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but i'm gonna need that to happen

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okay so ruffle his hair get him away from his mother the male to female the heterosexual

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if you will storylines in fucking sterling point a borderline didn't

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matter to me at all like the what the hell are their names oh ramona ramona

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and una's storyline you know when drake barked for that goth girl

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that was me watching sterling point the whole fucking time

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when they were on screen genuinely what are we talking about

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that was i okay listen it takes me a really long

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time people tell me all the time like oh you should watch this show you should watch this show

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and i'll be like oh yeah that sounds

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so up my street i'll watch it and then i don't fucking watch it

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and then two months later i'll watch it maybe i see

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edits of shows i haven't seen all the time on my fucking for you page

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and whatever and i'm like oh that looks great squirrel i saw like I think it was two edits.

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The first edit I saw of Una and Ramona, I was like, oh, that looks interesting.

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What's that?

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Scroll.

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Then another one came up and I was like, what is this?

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What is this?

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And how do I get involved with this?

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And then it said in the caption was like Sterling Point and it was like a new video.

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So I was like, this must've just come out, typed it in, watched it straight away.

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The second second, I'm not gonna say the second, the second second that I saw that going on, I was like, get involved me.

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Wish they got more screen time.

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That's my only complaint.

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Cause I feel like by making the triangle between the boys and the girls, like, oh my God, who cares?

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Do you know what I mean? Who cares?

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And that should have, there should have been a triangle with them.

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Actually, no, no, that shouldn't have been.

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And I liked that, like, I liked that the focus wasn't like, there was no like real commentary on like coming out or any of that stuff.

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Like everyone was just kind of already in the flow of things.

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And I just feel like a lot of the time queer storylines in TV, there's a lot of focus around those kinds of struggles.

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And you don't really just get to see two people falling in love

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or dealing with normal relationship issues that come along with that.

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Like the fear of being left, that's so normal.

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Or like the fear of not being enough or like those things, like you see less of that because there's usually other storylines

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that are more like central to what makes their relationship

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or how they end up getting together

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and like as real as those things are like I need

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to see people just actually getting down to business respectfully like cut this shit

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and kiss and they did thank you

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and the only reason they didn't do it sooner is

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because they were best friends which is brilliant I like

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that slow burn wonderful stuff when I was watching Outer Banks I loved

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that shit but in the gold search annoyed me in the end

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because like I was enjoying the dynamics of the friendship group

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and then the gold just kept getting in the way like

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they'd have to go off on these fucking big gold hunts

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and I'd be like guys go home like I want to see you hang out you can't hang out

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when you're fucking nearly dying every day

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and it just annoyed me like a bit of gold chasing fine

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but that much gold chasing no don't give a fuck I like sterling point

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because it was like there was a theme like that there was a plot

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there was a plot to like keep shit moving

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but it wasn't like that important I feel like it was mostly just enjoyable to watch

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because of the dialogue being as good as it was

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and like the characters being as enjoyable as they were it got me thinking about like friendship groups in general

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and like how nice it was that like she fit into the their like circle

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and their like social world so quickly and like

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that is something I have never really experienced in my life

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ever until I moved to LA I never was a friendship

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group person like I always have had phases where I've had best friends

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but I've never really been involved in a group even

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if even if my best friend has been involved in a group I'm like not really in

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that and I just have my best friend like I'm such a like one-on-one relationship person

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and like yeah I don't know it used to kind of make me sad Loki

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when I was at school like I was kind of very aware like I'm not part of this

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but like not sad enough to like do anything about it

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and like I don't know it just like didn't bug me that much

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because I was always really happy to just have my best friend at least

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and then when I moved to LA

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that was well I had a friendship group low-key low-key stop saying

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that I had a friendship group in sixth form which

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if you're American is like senior year and what's the other one

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that they save sophomore year

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and senior year sophomore sophomore yeah oh fuck knows the last

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two years school i had friends then like a friend group

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but that until i moved to la like

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that was the last time i really had that

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when i got to new york i was like i don't really have anyone

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that i know to introduce me to people i have found

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it really nice meeting normal people here we're here to meet

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i feel like there's no one normal in la there's no one fucking normal

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that you can meet in la even

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if they're normal now like they're not going to be normal

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at some point like i don't know how else to explain it like everyone is there with a dream

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and a dollar some of them a dream and no dollar

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and that's great but it can lead people to do bizarre things

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and like that scares me it scares me

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so I try not to get involved

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but yeah I had friends in LA I definitely felt like I was part of a big group

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but um I've never had a group that is super tight

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if that makes sense like that's never been a thing

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that I've had and even in LA it wasn't like

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that it was like I always knew where the parties were

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I always knew what was going on in the evening but like Like, did I have a group of people to like do shit with during the day or like text all day?

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No. Did I?

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No, not really.

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So I read this article called The Friend Group Fallacy.

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And it's basically talking about how loneliness is cited from loneliness

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that is cited from people who feel like they lack a

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friendship group is more representative of fear of missing out instead of a conclusion

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that having only one-on-one friendships is unfulfilling which I think

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when you really think about it is like such a basic idea like

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when I have a circle of friends or a lot of people

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that I know in a city those aren't fulfilling friendships they're just good time friendships

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and those are only enjoyable to me

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if I know I have at least one real friend

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and I felt this a lot in LA

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because I had Toa living with me the whole time

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and she is my best friend like I love her to pieces

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and she is like a little home to me like I just

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I trust her and I love her and we have real conversations and we're honest with each other

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most of the time and like she's a real friend

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and she's a friend who has been there for me in times of crisis in times of joy

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and vice versa me with her and so like that's a real friendship

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that now like has such a true like there's

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so much evidence for me that like that friendship can

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that friendship can withstand a lot of things

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because there's a lot of love and there's a lot of grounds for

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that to be the case

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and it allowed me to like it allowed me to indulge in a lot more surface level friendships

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that were more based in like going out drinking doing more experiential things with people

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that I didn't necessarily trust to the highest degree like I'm

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not telling them my secrets I'm not confiding in them

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because maybe I don't respect their fucking perspective enough to seek advice from them

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but I enjoy going out with them

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or maybe I don't feel like they would have the time for me to vent to them

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or tell them what I'm going through or if I'm you know

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but like they exist in a different way in my life

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and I enjoyed those friendships a lot because the things

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that they lacked didn't feel like they were lacking in the rest of my life does

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that make sense like I didn't need those things from those people

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because not only did I have Toa but I have Millie

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but what I thought was interesting about my relationship with T

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and my almost overexposure when I was in LA to people

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that I didn't necessarily like entirely or trust entirely

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or think were like candidates for a lifetime long friendship but still found so much enjoyment in their company was

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because I had so much goodness in my true friendships

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which allowed me to then go out

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and just experience a lot of other people

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and really enjoy those other people for what they were

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and not have to hope for them to be anything else

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or try and make them out to be anything else or

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forge a closeness that shouldn't be there or wasn't there like

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because I wasn't afraid of what they lacked in my life

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because I had it in a couple of other places

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and it didn't feel like I was lacking it having a friendship that's truly good

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or multiple friendships that are truly good

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allows you to go out further into the world

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and learn almost like meet more people and interact with more people

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and have more friends in a way because the less

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that you need from people or the less

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that you hope to find certain things in certain people the

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more you're willing to take someone exactly as they are in front of you.

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And that allows you to enjoy them in a lot less of a hopeful way.

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And they're in a more honest way, in my opinion.

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Like, it didn't scare me that this person that I was hanging out with on a Saturday night, or these people that I was hanging out with on a Saturday night,

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were not the funniest people I'd ever met in my life.

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But they were always up for a really good time

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because I didn't need to meet the funniest people I'd ever met in my life

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because I had one at home you know like it kind

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of just opens you up to like almost receiving more goodness

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if that makes any fucking sense like I genuinely don't know

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if what I'm saying is making any sense

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but versus a relationship where like there's meant to be only one of those people in your life right

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and I'm not about to start preaching polyamory I promise there

470

was a phase in my life where like I low-key considered it no

471

so that's like an interesting difference for me is like we prize relationships romantic ones above friendships

472

but it's like to me a friendship is more expansive encourages me to do more be more

473

and see more experience more feel more I feel safer in them

474

and when I'm in a romantic relationship now granted I don't have the best experience picking healthy partners

475

or like being in a good relationship but like come on

476

but like even so the expectation would be

477

that normally you'd only have one of them right

478

and like they should satisfy you completely in that department

479

and I get it and I that is I think what I want eventually

480

but like I don't know something about that bugs me I think I'd just rather be alone

481

anyway the article also says that the average number of close friends a person has is quote

482

very conspicuously five and they say that that's

483

because Dunbar an evolutionary psychologist says

484

that it's his theory on the number of relationships a person

485

can keep up given the size of a human brain now obviously that's just a theory

486

but whatever now to say that you can keep up about five close friendships

487

or relationships is interesting because I don't know if that includes family

488

but like that's a couple of close friends some family

489

and maybe a relationship like five isn't a big number at all

490

but yeah I think like the concept of a friendship group is important to me

491

but it's also so alien to me

492

because it's something I've never found to be pressing

493

or important in my life before like I've always wanted a best friend

494

and there's been little phases in my life where I've not had

495

that person like I went through a phase when I was like

496

13 before I met Millie where I had fallen out really badly with my previous best friend

497

and I didn't have anyone maybe I fell out with her

498

when I was like 12 I don't know

499

but I went through a phase where I did not have a best friend

500

and I remember being so sad about that

501

when I stopped being best friends with this one girl

502

when I was like 12 or 13 I remember

503

that was like one of the biggest losses I had ever felt in my life like I grieved

504

that so hard and I it was my fault actually for the most part

505

that we stopped being friends because I sent her this really shitty text message

506

and it was like essentially I won't like indulge you guys

507

in the whole beef there was no beef well to me there was

508

but like basically she had decided to stop going to school not decided Her parents had decided to homeschool, see, I'm still mad.

509

Her parents decided to homeschool her.

510

And she was like my best, best friend at school.

511

I'm like my only friend at school.

512

We kind of had a little friend group at school, but I didn't really like these other girls that we were friends with.

513

And I was, by the way, so valid.

514

I think back to that all the time.

515

And I'm like, God, I'm glad I had good taste.

516

And I was so upset with her for becoming homeschooled because I was like, what the fuck am I gonna do?

517

Like, you're literally abandoning me with these girls.

518

Like, I can't believe it

519

and I sent her such a shitty text basically being like you're a bitch

520

because you hate school

521

and your parents are way too nice to you to homeschool you like I was

522

so in the wrong that was so in the wrong

523

and yeah she cut me off and low-key she had every fucking right to

524

because the way I worded that was fucking crazy like I don't remember it

525

but I just know even as I was typing it I

526

was like this is crazy this is crazy this is crazy I'm being crazy

527

and she cut me off

528

and we did not speak again for like at least a year

529

and then we became friends again and we're friends to this day

530

and actually she's getting married soon and she invited me to her wedding

531

and I'm really excited but we've never really been like best friends again we were inseparable before

532

that completely and well we were completely inseparable before that

533

and it never went back to that and then

534

that was like a huge part of my growing up was losing her as a friend

535

and it literally being my fault

536

and then subsequently just not having a real best friend for years

537

or was it for years no it must have been

538

when the fuck did i meet millie i don't know

539

but like millie was an internet friend for a long time

540

so that's why me

541

and millie have never lived near each other she was always

542

an internet friend we met on sabrina carpenter stan twitter in 2014

543

or some shit and now as adults we get to see each other a lot more

544

but as kids we didn't get to see each other we

545

would travel on train she lived in sheffield wait this is

546

so boring no one gives a fuck anyway love millie but

547

yeah not having a best friend has always been like

548

that shit does not sit well with me

549

because i never am part of a friend group

550

but yeah now being in new york i'm like finding

551

that the idea of being part of a friend group is way more important to me

552

because i feel like i am

553

so lucky in such a rare way to have the true friends

554

that i have in my life like i genuinely sometimes I look at my life

555

and I for just the friendships I have in it alone

556

like god forget all the other incredible stuff like I feel

557

so lucky that I have the friends

558

that I have like I love them to my bones

559

and I am honored that they pick me to be their friend

560

because they are people that I think so highly of

561

and I think that's really important

562

when you have a friendship too is to be like god I'm

563

so honored that you fucking like me like to truly love someone

564

so much and just to be

565

so to have such good feelings toward who they are as a person

566

that just the fact that they even want to be your friend is exciting in

567

and of itself like that's how I feel about my friends I cannot fucking believe

568

that I have the friends

569

that I have in this life like I am grateful for

570

them beyond what I even know how to put into words

571

and I've tried and like I love them and so now

572

that I'm in New York there's not an aching for a

573

close relationship for me here I would like one like

574

if another wonderful person walked into my life I'm not gonna

575

fucking turn them away like no I'm full I'm busy I'm booked

576

but like it's not something that I feel like I need

577

but I would like more friends

578

because I want to go out at the weekend I want

579

to have fun I want to be part of something I

580

want to know what's fucking going on outside of my apartment I want people to like gossip with

581

and talk with and experience a new city with like I want people in my life

582

and because I'm not specifically searching for like

583

because I don't feel like a super close one-on-one friendship necessarily needs to be part of my experience here

584

if that makes sense like I'm welcoming it

585

if it walks into my life but I'm not feeling like I need

586

that and so my thoughts around friendship

587

when I'm thinking like I want to make friends I am

588

thinking for the first time in my life like I want to be part of a group

589

and that to me is easier to establish than to find a super close friend

590

I think the reason it can feel harder to establish friendships like everyone says it's harder in your 20s

591

and also in your 30s like I think number one a big part of

592

that reason is just first of all meeting people

593

but then the second part is also like I am

594

so much more aware of what I want

595

or will not accept in someone who is around me in

596

a close way right to the highest degree I've ever been aware

597

and I only expect that to increase

598

and I'm also getting better at not being judgmental to all other people and it But it's like this difference in like,

599

I, it's more, it's easier now than ever for me to look at someone else and say, no, because I don't like the way you move.

600

There's so many, I'm so much more aware of who's around me than I ever have been in my life.

601

And it matters more to me now than I think it ever has before, because I look at other people and I look at who they choose to have around them.

602

And I see how it affects them.

603

And I think there's a lot of people who maybe just accept friendships for the sake of friendship

604

because it's hard to come by and because that's just something people need in life is company, companionship, friendship, people to fucking talk to.

605

and I understand not everyone is able to like say no to a friendship just

606

because one thing about the person isn't maybe their favorite thing about

607

that person and maybe it doesn't matter as much to some people

608

but sometimes I look at people who have a lot of let's say funny business in their friendships

609

and I think you might think it doesn't affect you

610

because you know that's something about that person that you don't agree with

611

or love about them maybe but you accept them anyway

612

and that's fine that's a good part that's a good skill to have it's an important part of life

613

but when you consistently have

614

that with a lot of people around you it does rub off like it does

615

and like birds of a feather do actually flock together

616

that I there's I've never seen proof for that to not be true

617

and sometimes when someone approaches me and tries to form a friendship or some kind of alliance with me

618

and maybe there's things I don't, maybe there's a lot of things I don't like about that person enough that I will not welcome really that friendship.

619

I also have to ask myself, like, why did they want to be my friend?

620

Because this is something I've observed mostly through critiquing other people in my life of being like, God, you've got crazy people around you.

621

Like, why the fuck?

622

Number one, why do you accept them?

623

Number two, why do they see you as a friend?

624

Like there's something here that they are drawn to about you and that you are drawn to about them.

625

And I think figuring out what

626

that thing is can help people help me a lot in understanding

627

if a friendship is right or not or if people are right for you or not.

628

I had this really interesting conversation with my mom on the

629

phone last week where one of her friends had said to her, like, God, you just attract these chaotic people.

630

and my mum had been annoyed by that statement and

631

so she had like thought about it

632

and then she said to me on the phone she was like I thought about it

633

and I don't attract chaotic people I accept chaotic people

634

and I was like this is some shit I've been fucking

635

saying here's what I think right I think we all meet

636

all manners of people the good the bad the ugly the crazy all the fucking time

637

right and certain people will meet crazy this is what my mom said she said certain people will meet crazy

638

or see like meet someone with chaos about them

639

and walk the other direction because it doesn't it's not interesting to them

640

and other people like my mom she was like I'll meet someone with chaos about them

641

and I like it like it's not that I like it but it feels so familiar to me

642

and it feels but I can handle that and they're interesting

643

and whatever and it might not even be a direct like attraction to it

644

but it's not you aren't repulsed by it for whatever reason like we talked about how it could be

645

because that's what you grew up in if you grew up in chaos

646

and or if you just have had chaotic relationships throughout your life

647

or if you are a chaotic person certain people don't feel as shocking to you

648

and then you're accepting these people in your life you're resonating with them they're resonating with you

649

and all of a sudden you keep having these chaotic friendships without really meaning to

650

and it's important to become aware of like I don't attract these things they're not

651

but they're not I don't walk away from them I think

652

because the idea that you attract things unless you are intending to

653

and manifesting it in the mirror like that's a very helpless

654

thing to say the goal they're attracted to me they magnetize to me I I don't, they're always finding me.

655

And it's like, no, everyone's always finding everyone.

656

Do you know how many people I meet in a day?

657

Do you know how many people meet other people in a day

658

that they've never met before and don't form friendships with them and don't get to know them and don't, you know what I mean?

659

Like, it's not about what you find in the world.

660

It's about more what you keep and what you indulge in

661

and that gives you a lot more agency once you realize

662

that to be like okay so why am I constantly getting into these chaotic friendships

663

or chaotic relationships or why do all my friends have these bad traits

664

that I don't think I have and it's like maybe you fucking do have

665

that bad trait and that's something I had to like look at myself

666

and wonder not long ago was like why do these people feel

667

why why do these people feel comfortable around me

668

because I don't like the things

669

that they're doing I don't really like things they're saying like why do they feel uncomfortable around me

670

and to really ask yourself like what is the thing we are sharing in common you know like that's

671

and it's not even like a harsh question it's just like

672

once you realize it you can be like okay well next time I'm gonna look for that

673

and be like no no no no I'm making the active choice to not indulge in people who feel crazy

674

and I actually I've had this harsh realization recently I've always said I met I meet I've always said

675

that I have these experiences in life where I will meet certain people

676

and it's usually people in a romantic context

677

but it's happened to me with friends as well

678

but I'll meet them and they instantly feel like someone I know

679

and for a while when I was a bit younger I would say I think

680

that they're my soulmate or I know them in another life or something

681

and I think we can have a lot of soulmates by

682

the way I'm not saying it like they're my soulmate it's like I just think

683

that our souls know each other maybe I believe in

684

that stuff and that's really the line I ran with for a long time

685

and while I don't completely discredit that maybe that feeling could exist

686

and it could be a soulmate I think

687

that the maybe closer to the reality of it truth is is

688

that whatever chaos I embody whatever beliefs I hold about myself

689

that aren't necessarily the good ones I think those are the things that I somehow know we have in common

690

and it makes them feel so familiar to me

691

that they feel like if I want to romanticize it they feel like home

692

and they feel familiar and that in a world where you meet

693

so many fucking people all the time so many random fucking weirdos

694

so many people that are scary that you can't trust

695

that you don't like that have weird intentions when you finally meet someone

696

that feels a bit like home you're like oh you're staying

697

because you feel like safe to me but

698

that safety the most important realization I've had in my life I think today is

699

that that safety that you feel upon meeting someone

700

that familiarity might not be a good thing

701

because it might just be familiar

702

but not everything that's familiar is going to be good

703

because there are things that we I'm sure all grew up with

704

that we don't want to continue in our lives

705

and there are things that experiences we've had

706

or feelings we've embodied for such a long time beliefs feelings whatever

707

that another person can carry and that can make them feel

708

so familiar without you even fully understanding specifically what it is

709

and to me now that feeling that i used to almost hope for with finding people in the world

710

where they would feel familiar and feel safe to me i now realize like just feeling

711

that and just seeing it in another person is not enough for me to have any belief

712

that there's something good happening there like it might be

713

but investigate the feeling because now the more i look back now

714

that i've kind of had this like small realization the more

715

i look back at the specific people who i can think of

716

that felt like that to me like these sometimes i meet a person

717

and i'm like i'm going to know you i'm gonna know

718

you in some way you're gonna be in my life don't know

719

when don't don't know how

720

but i know you i feel like i already know you

721

you feel familiar you almost feel like a family member i

722

don't know i'm gonna fucking there it is bitch you feel like a family member

723

and as much as my family is spectacular

724

and i love them everyone has probably grown up in situations where hey let's not keep doing that like

725

and that's part of life like i don't ever want to shit on my parents especially not on a podcast

726

but like they are still human beings

727

and the point of i I think having generations

728

and learning from the generations above you is

729

that not everyone in my lineage has been perfect or perfectly raised or been as privileged as I have been.

730

And so that trickles down

731

and hopefully the bad stuff gets more diluted as we become more conscious

732

and more privileged and have more time and space to heal certain things.

733

And then that trickles down and then it comes to me

734

and I look at certain things from my childhood and I say, everyone did the best they could but I'm going to do the best I can do, which is now something new.

735

And it's not to say that I'm a better fucking person.

736

It's just like, that's how life works.

737

And so I don't think

738

that you need to be someone who had a horrible fucking childhood or big things that you can say, I'm never going to do that to my kids, or I'm never going to do that to myself when I grow up,

739

or I'm, this is a cycle, I'm not going to continue.

740

It can come in so many different ways.

741

And I think it's just like, yeah, I think it's important to look at it now and it's interesting

742

that my mum like and me had that conversation it's interesting

743

that my mum and I had that conversation

744

because it's something I've been thinking about for ages of like

745

I don't attract more of one type of person into my space than anyone else it's just

746

that all types of people enter my space all the time

747

and there are certain types of people that I resonate with

748

and that resonate with me and then we develop a friendship

749

or a relationship and so by being more aware of why certain people resonate with me

750

or why I resonate with certain people then I can stop attracting friendships with these people

751

and I could fucking be free like

752

or stop attracting relationships with these kinds of people

753

and it's as much about what's wrong with this person as

754

what's wrong with me like it's not to say like it's it's it's

755

so much nicer to realize

756

that it's something with me as well as well as like what's what's funky about this other person

757

that I've just met because it gives you so much more agency

758

and it's like it's truly such a neutral thing

759

when you look at it like that like it's not like it's just information

760

and it's so valuable and so I've just kind of been thinking about

761

that kind of stuff a lot when it comes to being in a new place

762

and like wanting this friendship group and like even just fucking watching sterling point

763

and being like god like that's nice like what a nice thing to have people

764

that you see all the time that you talk to

765

that all know each other that all get along for the most part

766

and like how do I go about obtaining

767

that now as someone who is more picky than ever

768

but also trying to make better choices

769

and empower myself to make better choices with the people

770

that I have around me by knowing more about myself not about the other people does

771

that make sense and like I think there's

772

so much less weight on a friendship group like my closest friends are people

773

that I am not critical of

774

but like I pay attention to who they are as people

775

right like not in a way where I'm like judging them

776

or needing them to be anything they're not

777

but it's just like I don't want to be friends with someone that's a bad person obviously

778

so like I I know who they are I love them in spite of some of their less admirable qualities

779

because that's what friendship is about i make the choice to love them

780

because i know them and i think that that is something

781

that is important to be able to do as well like i remember i used to have this friend

782

and this bugged me

783

so much about her where a few of her close friendships had really big faults like big faults

784

and like it was the people

785

that she was around like there were certain things about them that like needed to be acknowledged

786

like these people had some serious flaws and like they weren't even

787

that big if you would just fucking acknowledge them

788

and stop acting like they weren't there like why will you not just acknowledge like it's not really okay

789

when this person does this like it's not that hard

790

and this friend of mine could not do it like she would get

791

so upset with me when I would bring it up

792

and I remember thinking like are you there's almost like a fear there of like you can't love them

793

if you acknowledge that they're not perfect and that upset me

794

and it was the eventual downfall of our friendship as well

795

because I was like presumably you do the same with me

796

and like I don't want to be around someone who doesn't think they have the ability to love me

797

when they see the sides of me that aren't nice

798

or aren't perfect like I'm not perfect and I will never be

799

and I want to be around people who like me enough to also love me

800

when I'm not perfect and to see me fully

801

and have the ability to see me fully and to still love me

802

because that's like how I value my friends is to be like yeah like they're not perfect

803

but I love them because they don't have to be perfect

804

and obviously it just you know what you can tolerate in

805

terms of someone someone's shadow i guess in terms of someone's darker sides

806

and how much you can tolerate or what you can tolerate

807

but to be able to tolerate is important for real friendships

808

and and not just tolerate but love regardless like love

809

because of the faults love with the faults love encompassing not like around the faults

810

or do you know what i mean like does this make sense anyway I think

811

that hold on oh my god it's 5 30 I need to stop drinking coffee I'm putting that away

812

but I'm not gonna fucking sleep tonight oh well

813

but I guess it's it makes it more hard to fucking make friendships in your 20s

814

because there just has to be a certain level of surrender

815

but also this level of like I'm still not betraying any of my values

816

or spending time around people who are going to rub off on me in a way

817

that I don't want them to but I also want to enjoy being around them

818

but I'm not looking for friendships that are so perfect

819

that are going to be impossible to find because I do need company

820

and I do need experiences and I do need people to experience things with

821

and like I need friends

822

but there has to be this balance of like yeah do

823

you know what I mean I think it's a lot easier to have

824

that balance when you have a few truly solid friendships

825

or relationships in your life and that's why

826

but yeah I don't know it's hard friendships really confuse me and

827

because I'm chronically at this point I feel like I get

828

the privileges of saying chronically single like come on I think

829

it's fair I've been single for two years now come on

830

because I am single I'm not really seeking a relationship unless

831

it's the right person like I'm not running away from relationships it's just

832

that like we'll only indulge in one if if there's a person

833

that I want to be in one with it's not like

834

I'm not actively trying to find someone to date does

835

that make sense like not against it it's just

836

that it's not something I'm seeking wait what was my point

837

where I was like guys I have to pee again I'm

838

so sorry I did this last episode I'm gonna piss myself

839

just give me like five not five minutes give me oh

840

my god wait this episode is 50 minutes long I can end it

841

and pee okay I don't know what I've really talked about this episode other than friendships

842

and like what I think about them but yeah okay I'm gonna go

843

and I'm so excited because I'm gonna be able to turn on my AC again

844

because I can't roll it during filming

845

because their fucking mic picks it up stupid stupid stupid

846

so I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go whoa

847

I'm gonna go I'm gonna pee I'm gonna turn on my AC that rhymes

848

and that's it for me this week next week we'll talk

849

about something a bit more interesting sorry I feel like this episode was

850

so fucking boring boring boring boring boring

851

and you know what is funny I do have therapy later

852

and so how many hours will I have talked about myself non-stop for today

853

many of them oh so many hours what's that like fucking three

854

or four hours of me talking about me genuinely might go to therapy

855

and ask her what she's been up to this week hey

856

fuck it last week i low-key talked shit about a bunch of people

857

that i barely know

858

because i was like i can't tell anyone this tea for

859

i just got back from la i was like i can't tell anyone this like literally can't tell anyone this

860

but like i can tell you because you've signed a confidentiality agreement so

861

and then I talked to her ear off about things

862

that don't matter and have nothing to do with me

863

and she was like I wonder why you're feeling the urge to tell me this

864

because it's juicy

865

and I had to get it off my chest what the

866

fuck anyway anyway wish me luck at therapy wish my therapist good luck at therapy love you

867

so much have a good week have a good night have a good day love you

868

so much you're so special never forget it okay goodbye I have to pee I have to pee

869

so badly bye guys see you next week see you next week same time same place goodbye

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このB2レベルのスピーキングレッスンは、動画「making female friendships? // EP 109」を教材にしています。この動画には、シャドーイング用の文が869文、単語が10242語あります。音声の長さは50:41です。話す速さは速く、1分あたり約202語です。音のつながりや弱く発音される音が多くなります。単語の84%は英語の頻出3,000語に含まれます。残りは練習の前に確認しておきましょう。

この動画の重要語彙

動画の中で特に難しい単語15語を、発音と意味つきで紹介します。

単語	発音	意味
starling 名詞	/ˈstɑɹlɪŋ/	椋鳥
annoy 動詞	/əˈnoɪ̯/	煩わす, 騒がす
bore 動詞	/boɹ/	いらいらさせる
indulge 動詞	/ɪnˈdʌld͡ʒ/	甘やかす
tolerate 動詞	/ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/	黙認する
acknowledge 動詞	/əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ/	承認する, 認める
participle 名詞	/ˈpɑɹtɪˌsɪpəl/	分詞
ruffle 名詞	/ˈɹʌfəl/	ラッフル
sophomore 名詞	/ˈsɑf.mɔɹ/	二年生
realization 名詞	/ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/	実現, 達成
enjoyable 形容詞	/ɛnˈd͡ʒɔɪ.ə.bl̩/	楽しい
scream 動詞	/skɹiːm/	悲鳴を上げる, 喚く
brie 名詞	/bɹiː/	ブリー, ブリーチーズ
helper 名詞	/ˈhɛlpɚ/	助手, 手伝い
inseparable 形容詞	/inˈsɛ.p(ə).ɹə.bl/	切り離せない, 分離できない

動画に出てくる句動詞

単語	発音	意味
come out 動詞	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	出る
go out 動詞		出る
find out 動詞		見出す, 調べる
get up 動詞		起きる
grow up 動詞		成長する, 大人に成る
wake up 動詞	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	目覚める, 目を覚ます
come up 動詞		上がる, 登る
go away 動詞		去る, 出る

繰り返し練習したい文

動画に出てくる短く完結した文です。日常会話でそのまま使えます。

I've never done that before, like, organically.
Unless I'm severely jet lagged.
I wish they didn't tell me that.
Do you know what I mean?
Number one, why do you accept them?

この動画の文法

話し手がよく使っている文型を、動画の実際の表現とともに紹介します。

文型	動画での表現
現在完了進行形 have/has been + -ing — 以前に始まり今も続いている動作	i've been struggling · I've been fucking · I've been thinking
「used to」 used to + 動詞 — 今はもう違う過去の習慣や状態	used to kind · used to almost · used to have
現在完了形 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去の出来事が今も関係している	I've never done · I've had · there's been
受動態 be + 過去分詞 — 誰がするかより、何が起きるかに焦点を当てる	was really depressed · were found · was drunk

注意したい発音

話し手はI'm, don't, I'veなど、短縮形や弱形を373回使っています。聞こえたとおりの短い形で発音しましょう。

「sh」と「zh」の音: realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, occasional /əˈkeɪʒ(ə)nəl/
長い単語（アクセントの位置に注意）: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, participle /ˈpɑɹtɪˌsɪpəl/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, inseparable /inˈsɛ.p(ə).ɹə.bl/, millionaire /ˌmɪl.i.əˈnɛə(ɹ)/

日本語話者が苦手な音：

/r/ と /l/ の区別 — /l/ は舌先を歯茎につけ、/r/ はどこにもつけない: starling /ˈstɑɹlɪŋ/, tolerate /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/, participle /ˈpɑɹtɪˌsɪpəl/, ruffle /ˈɹʌfəl/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/
/v/ — /b/ にならないように、上の歯を下唇に当てる: verb /vɝb/, privilege /ˈpɹɪv.(ɪ.)lɪd͡ʒ/, observe /əbˈzɜːv/
/f/ — 「フ」ではなく、上の歯と下唇で出す: ruffle /ˈɹʌfəl/, sophomore /ˈsɑf.mɔɹ/, caffeine /ˈkæfiːn/, flame /fleɪm/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/

この動画での練習方法

まず声を出さずに動画を最後まで聞き、知らない単語をメモします。
まず0.75倍速で一文ずつシャドーイングし、慣れてきたら通常の速度に戻します。
自分の声を録音して元の音声と比べます。starling, annoy, boreなどの単語に特に注意しましょう。

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由

シャドーイング（Shadowing）は、もともとプロの通訳者養成プログラムで開発された言語学習法で、多言語習得者として知られるDr. Alexander Arguelles によって広く普及されました。方法はシンプルですが非常に効果的：ネイティブスピーカーの英語を聞きながら、1〜2秒の遅延で声に出してすぐに繰り返す——まるで「影（shadow）」のように話者を追いかけます。文法ドリルや受動的なリスニングと異なり、シャドーイングは脳と口の筋肉が同時にリアルタイムで英語を処理・再現することを強制します。研究により、発音精度、抑揚、リズム、連音、リスニング力、そして会話の流暢さが大幅に向上することが確認されています。IELTSスピーキング対策や自然な英語コミュニケーションを目指す方に特におすすめです。

シャドーイングのやり方: ステップ別の完全ガイドを読む →

シャドーイング練習: making female friendships? // EP 109 - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ

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