Shadowing Practice: making female friendships? // EP 109 - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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Greetings everyone.
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Ew.
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Hi guys.
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Hey.
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Hey.
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Hey guys.
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Hey.
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Welcome to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome.
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Coffee.
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Next to me.
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Why?
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It's 4pm.
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Guys, what is it about fucking 4pm?
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Like, I genuinely...
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I wake up in the morning with a flame in my heart.
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Like, I just can't wait for the day.
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Not every day.
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Not every day, but like a lot of the time I get happy in the morning.
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I like the mornings.
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There's so much hope for the day.
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It's also the time of day where I can drink as much caffeine as I want, right?
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With no consequences to bedtime.
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I'm alive.
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I'm happy.
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There's hope.
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There's goals.
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There's potential.
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And then around 4 p.m., that's the time where I say no more caffeine, no more fun stuff.
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Got to start thinking about tonight.
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My all of my happy hormones go away.
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Like, I get spooky and scary around 4pm.
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And by like 8, I'm like back on track.
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Like, I'm eased into the fact that it's evening and tomorrow is nearly hit.
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I will soon be in bed and everything will be fine.
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Tomorrow I can wake up and try again.
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Today, I had the weirdest morning.
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I swear we have interesting things to talk about this week.
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But like, this morning I woke up at 1 minute to 7.
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What the fuck?
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I've never done that before, like, organically.
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Unless I'm severely jet lagged.
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I woke up at one minute seven no alarms I was like what the fuck like what the actual fuck
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got up like I wasn't even tired enough to lay in bed I just got up
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and then I came I think it's
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because I genuinely rested over the weekend I didn't do any like real work over the weekend kind of
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which I usually just do a bit here and there every day
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and then just like I don't really consider myself as needing a weekend
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because my job is so fucking easy so I'm like I'll just
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do a bit of work every day of the week
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and like I'll survive I'm sure
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but I did actually have a busy week last week
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so then I was like I'm gonna take the full weekend
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and just like rest and not do anything intentionally
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and then maybe I'll actually be more productive during the week oh there's a thought
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so I did
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that maybe that's why I feel maybe that's why I woke
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up this morning I don't know anyway made myself the best
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breakfast I've maybe ever made in my life three hard-boiled eggs
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smoked salmon on the side half of a bagel with brie cheese brie cheese yes
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and fucking prosciutto crazy and a ciggy's yogurt how you say
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that the protein as
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if there was enough protein in everything i already made like what the fuck gains or whatever
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that was at seven ish by 8am i was asleep on
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the couch fell asleep at eight woke up at 10 confused as fuck
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because i don't even remember falling asleep i was like what the hell
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and i felt so gross
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that i had wasted my perfect morning perfect breakfast perfect wake up time everything
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and then it suddenly is like half 10
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and i was like what the actual fuck happened
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so I went for a walk
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and on my walk I realized I was nearby this plant shop
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that I saw like a week ago
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and I was like oh I could buy some plants
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and I'm close enough to my apartment that I could carry them home
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so I went in and I bought a plant I bought a monstera monstera plant don't know
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if that's how you say it I've had one before loved
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it didn't kill it it actually still is alive at my mom's house
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and it's massive the lady in there though she tried to
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sell me I was like do you have any other like somewhat low maintenance house plants
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and she points me to a fig tree there's been two
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fig trees in my care before both of them dropped their leaves just
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because I looked at them I looked at her
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and I was like I don't know I've killed a couple of those before
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and she goes yeah they could be a bit finicky a
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bit I genuinely what the fuck scat you're a scam artist
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and I know she thought she could pull one over on me
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because when I looked at the monstera
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or whatever it's called I've had them before I've had multiple of them
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and I love them they're like my favorite houseplant
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because they grow new sprouts or whatever the fuck so quickly
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and it's like there's always something exciting going on
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but I couldn't remember the name of it so I looked at her
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when I first walked in I was like what is
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that plant called and then she's like oh that's a monstera
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or whatever the fuck
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so she obviously thought I was some kind of dweeb some
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kind of dweeb new to the plant caring business I'm not
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I'm not I'm quite a good plant mom remember I got
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that whole book yeah I've got a whole fucking book I've
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had house plants ever since my first year of uni I
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was really depressed my mum came to visit me at uni one time
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and she was like I was like really depressed she took me to the shop to get me food
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and then she also was like I'm gonna buy you this basil plant
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because number one I love basil
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and number two she was like it'll keep you company
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and you can fucking eat it so it's two in one I was like okay
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and that was what got me into plants and they always since then I've had house plants this This is, since moving into this New York apartment,
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this is the longest time I've not had plants in my care.
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I couldn't bring my house plants from LA because I didn't have an apartment.
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I was like, just sleeping in hotels for like three months before I moved in here.
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So they are no longer with me, but yeah, this is the longest I've gone.
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She tried pulling one over me.
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She said, yeah, fig trees, low maintenance.
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No, it's not.
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Also, how fucking expensive is that?
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I know your tricks.
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Anyway, my lips always feel so crusty.
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Ugh.
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Anyway, so behind my camera right now is my new Monstera whatever-the-fuck plant.
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And I got some soil to repot it because it needs repotting.
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I watered it.
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And now I have a baby.
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I wasn't going to get any houseplants here because, number one, I don't even think this is the vibe.
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Like, normally I think houseplants are always the move for an apartment that needs extra love and life.
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but for some reason this apartment just to me doesn't give
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you need a bunch of plants I don't know maybe I'm crazy
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but I was like let me just get one for company
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and then see if I like the apartment more with it in
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but let me just get a friend I need a friend I need something in here that's alive with me
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because currently it's just me and the occasional roach
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which is really starting to grind my gears hey I literally cannot fathom the fact
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that this is just part of my life now The thing is, this is genuinely, it's a nice building.
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There's an exterminator that comes every Thursday for the basement, which I don't like.
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I wish they didn't tell me that.
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Why does it need it every fucking, I know it's New York, I get it, it's normal.
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I just wish I didn't know.
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And then anyway, I just, there's been three now.
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Roaches in my apartment, one alive, two were found dead.
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The alive one, I never would say that I'm happy
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that a friend of mine had an adverse experience and I didn't, right?
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I love my friends, I don't want them to suffer with all love to Toa I am
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so glad that was you and not me babe
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because all we were talking she came to stay for my birthday
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and she was like doing her laundry right before she was leaving on the last day
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and I just I was in the hallway talking to her
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she was in the bathroom I just heard the loudest scream
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and I knew immediately that's a cockroach scream it's a cockroach scream
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and I had initially kept the information from her that there had ever been any kind of
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whiff of a cockroach in here
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because I know what she's like unfortunately an alive one found her t-shirt
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and in her words was wearing it it was wearing it
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so I'm sorry t that that happened what's really fucking crazy though is
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that my I I didn't know what to do
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because it was alive like if it was dead I would have got rid of it
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but it wasn't and I'm not doing that so I called my superintendent
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and I was like help help help like there's a roach I don't know if that's what you're meant to do
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I don't know if you're even allowed to do that
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but I called him and I was like please come
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and help me he came the guy shows up I'm like imagining
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that he's maybe gonna like I didn't know what I thought
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I don't know what I was expecting to see him show up to my apartment with
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but what I wasn't expecting was for him to show up
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with one latex glove just one I opened the door
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and he was like where is it
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and I was like it's in the bathroom I have no
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right to ask you a single question about your setup up just
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if that's what you want I show him to the bathroom
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he closes the door goes in there I hear some things moving around a fight ensues
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if you will and then I hear the toilet flush
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and he comes out and he's like I killed it
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and he's like I took it I killed it
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and I flushed it that is a god he's a god the respect
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that I have for him is genuinely I have never felt
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that for a person before like you're the closest thing a
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man can get to being a god in my opinion speaking of gods
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and the that's made me think of the high fae i'm halfway through akatar
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and she's about to fuck him i think i will get back to you i'll get back to you
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but they just went swimming
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and they went swimming in their undergarments in the pool of
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starlight oh my god i just i i've been on
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and off with the book because it's a fucking slow start
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but I just picked it up again like a day ago
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and I'm getting really into it now because shit's heating up and she is getting less annoying.
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My initial qualm with that book was like Feyre
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or however you say her name is so annoying like her internal monologue makes me genuinely want to smack her.
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It's so I understand if I had read
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Hurtin no I would have taken issue at any age I would have been more inclined to like her
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when I read if i read that when i was like 16 17
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which 15 14 14 year old me would have fucked with pharah
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but and i understand maybe that's the demographic of the book i'm reading
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and if that's the case then fine i get it
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but like i've been struggling with pharah a bit but now
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that she's warming up and not being
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so bloody annoying i can get into it i can get
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into i'm having a hard time picturing her like i can
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picture tamlin i can picture lu can't picture pharah for some reason i'm trying to like figure it out
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but i think that's really cock blocking me in this whole scenario
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so i'll get back to you i made this coffee with new beans
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that i've never tried before it's 4 p.m did i mention
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that already what's going on it's 4 p.m
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and i should not be drinking coffee right now
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but i have therapy tonight fuck it fuck it cheers well maybe not cheers we're gonna see
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if it's nice first well cheers regardless obviously hot hot hot
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oh it's not actually hot oh yuck i think yuck to all coffee until I drank
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and drunken drunk hello drunk enough cups drank to drink to
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drank I drank I was drunk I drunk I drank what's the difference let's look fuck off you're in my way
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it's two friends use drank as the simplest past tense of the verb drink e.g I drank water
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and use drunk as the past participle with helper verbs like I have, has or had, I have drunk water.
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Drunk.
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Okay, so it would be drunk.
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Until I have drunk enough cups.
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No, that's past participle.
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This is a hypothetical past participle.
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Until I have drunk enough cups, I guess it still works the same.
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Simple past, use drank when an action happened at a specific time in the past.
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No. When to use drunk, past participle with helper verbs, use drunk afterwards like have, has or had.
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Okay, so when I have drunk enough cups, I will know if I like it.
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Well, I will like it inevitably.
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I warm to any type of bullshit coffee you give me.
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Like the amount of disgusting coffee beans I've bought in my life, taken the first sip and genuinely made a face as
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if I've just smelt like three piles of dog shit on my shoe
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and then I will drink it regardless and then I'm saying I'm genuinely a fan of that coffee bean after a week.
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It's disgusting.
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I'll put anything in this body, in this temple.
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Okay.
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So what the fuck was I talking about?
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oh yeah anyway
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so more importantly i don't remember what i was talking about before nor do i really care to find out
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so more importantly let's talk about it fucking sterling point why
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is this on my journal yuck sterling point big fan huge
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fan where is everybody from like where the fuck is everybody from where are we all from crazy crazy okay
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if you haven't seen it i'm gonna be spoiling the shit out of it
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so do with
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that information what you will what the fuck is his name
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rory my main point of my main we need to talk about rory essentially so annie ends up with
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ellis we all knew
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that was coming there's obviously passion there it mixes in nicely
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with her mom's storyline blah blah blah blah i would have been happy if she ended up with rory
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The nice thing about Sterling Point is that there's no, it's like, there's no evil boy.
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Well, the brother's an issue, but like there's no evil boyfriend potential.
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Like they're both good people.
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That is so rare.
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It's something interesting actually that I think Amazon Prime has done more than once.
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When I was watching off campus, there's this scene after, I can't remember the main guy's name, but after the main hockey player guy finds out
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that the main girl was sexually assaulted and hasn't had sex since
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and then he's like working out in the gym with one of the other hockey guys
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and they're talking about like how is he gonna go about sex
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or something with her now that she wants to have sex again
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and I can't remember the context but they're having
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that kind of conversation
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and you're thinking well I was thinking like oh god like two gym bros in the gym talking about sex
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and a girl being assaulted and how is he gonna fuck her now?
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I was like, oh, this is just gonna be a horrible scene and it's gonna piss me off.
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And then they have the healthiest conversation about sex and making her calm and making her comfortable.
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And like, I can't remember what the fuck they even said, but I remember being like, wow, that's unrealistic.
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Well, maybe it's not.
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Maybe it's not always unrealistic.
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It's obviously fucking possible.
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And that was what they wrote.
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And like, that was so nice.
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That was such a nice version of reality to watch.
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I like that they were both great options
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but the thing with Rory is
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and I have actually some suggestions okay I have some suggestions
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granted I'm assuming there's gonna be a season two number one
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season two I'm gonna need someone to just go in there and just fucking ruffle his hair
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ruffle his hair for me maybe he could grow it out a bit in between seasons
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if no ruffling just don't brush just ruffle please beg I'm begging the second thing is is
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that the only thing that made
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Rory slightly not an unlikable character for me
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but like less favorable than Ellis is the fact
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that he is really the here's the thing I was gonna say he's like oh he's the one
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that comes from money and like everyone knows that
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that just can be unappealing like a super rich like soft milky boy like i do who wants
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that even if you're hot even
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if you're nice it's like especially in tv like obviously the hot gritty guy who fucking works at the boatyard
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or whatever and steals money is more appealing okay i was like
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that doesn't make any fucking sense
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because literally they are millionaires like like the three other main
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characters in the tv series are millionaires like probably significantly richer than rory in fact definitely richer than rory
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because it's rory's parents who were rich and then fucking Annie is actually rich
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and like everyone else is pretty well off too like we've just inherited the entire island like what do we
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so then I was like well
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that can't be my qualm with Rory's character my qualm with Rory's character is
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that he is too wishy-washy like he could acknowledge
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that what his friend was doing was wrong
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but he couldn't stop him in the moment only kind of say something after
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which commendable but still like that's not hot
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and then the other thing is his mother
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so in season two i need number one i need his hair ruffled
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and number two i need him to become estranged from
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that awful family of his that will supply him with the grit
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that he needs for his character to finally be actually sexy
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and not like borderline sexy and in rejecting his family okay
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and in having been to college in the time in between season one and season two
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his character will come back with some different clothes some different clothes
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and not partaking in his awful family
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and i'm not saying he needs to completely disconnect from his mother
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but he needs to at least not be he needs to
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become aware of what's going on with his mom his fuck-ass mom
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and then he needs to reject that in front of her face
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and whatever happens next don't care he could stay in touch with her he could not don't really care
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but i'm gonna need that to happen
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okay so ruffle his hair get him away from his mother the male to female the heterosexual
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if you will storylines in fucking sterling point a borderline didn't
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matter to me at all like the what the hell are their names oh ramona ramona
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and una's storyline you know when drake barked for that goth girl
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that was me watching sterling point the whole fucking time
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when they were on screen genuinely what are we talking about
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that was i okay listen it takes me a really long
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time people tell me all the time like oh you should watch this show you should watch this show
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and i'll be like oh yeah that sounds
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so up my street i'll watch it and then i don't fucking watch it
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and then two months later i'll watch it maybe i see
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edits of shows i haven't seen all the time on my fucking for you page
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and whatever and i'm like oh that looks great squirrel i saw like I think it was two edits.
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The first edit I saw of Una and Ramona, I was like, oh, that looks interesting.
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What's that?
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Scroll.
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Then another one came up and I was like, what is this?
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What is this?
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And how do I get involved with this?
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And then it said in the caption was like Sterling Point and it was like a new video.
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So I was like, this must've just come out, typed it in, watched it straight away.
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The second second, I'm not gonna say the second, the second second that I saw that going on, I was like, get involved me.
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Wish they got more screen time.
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That's my only complaint.
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Cause I feel like by making the triangle between the boys and the girls, like, oh my God, who cares?
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Do you know what I mean? Who cares?
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And that should have, there should have been a triangle with them.
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Actually, no, no, that shouldn't have been.
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And I liked that, like, I liked that the focus wasn't like, there was no like real commentary on like coming out or any of that stuff.
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Like everyone was just kind of already in the flow of things.
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And I just feel like a lot of the time queer storylines in TV, there's a lot of focus around those kinds of struggles.
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And you don't really just get to see two people falling in love
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or dealing with normal relationship issues that come along with that.
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Like the fear of being left, that's so normal.
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Or like the fear of not being enough or like those things, like you see less of that because there's usually other storylines
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that are more like central to what makes their relationship
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or how they end up getting together
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and like as real as those things are like I need
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to see people just actually getting down to business respectfully like cut this shit
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and kiss and they did thank you
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and the only reason they didn't do it sooner is
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because they were best friends which is brilliant I like
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that slow burn wonderful stuff when I was watching Outer Banks I loved
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that shit but in the gold search annoyed me in the end
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because like I was enjoying the dynamics of the friendship group
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and then the gold just kept getting in the way like
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they'd have to go off on these fucking big gold hunts
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and I'd be like guys go home like I want to see you hang out you can't hang out
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when you're fucking nearly dying every day
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and it just annoyed me like a bit of gold chasing fine
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but that much gold chasing no don't give a fuck I like sterling point
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because it was like there was a theme like that there was a plot
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there was a plot to like keep shit moving
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but it wasn't like that important I feel like it was mostly just enjoyable to watch
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because of the dialogue being as good as it was
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and like the characters being as enjoyable as they were it got me thinking about like friendship groups in general
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and like how nice it was that like she fit into the their like circle
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and their like social world so quickly and like
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that is something I have never really experienced in my life
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ever until I moved to LA I never was a friendship
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group person like I always have had phases where I've had best friends
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but I've never really been involved in a group even
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if even if my best friend has been involved in a group I'm like not really in
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that and I just have my best friend like I'm such a like one-on-one relationship person
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and like yeah I don't know it used to kind of make me sad Loki
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when I was at school like I was kind of very aware like I'm not part of this
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but like not sad enough to like do anything about it
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and like I don't know it just like didn't bug me that much
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because I was always really happy to just have my best friend at least
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and then when I moved to LA
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that was well I had a friendship group low-key low-key stop saying
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that I had a friendship group in sixth form which
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if you're American is like senior year and what's the other one
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that they save sophomore year
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and senior year sophomore sophomore yeah oh fuck knows the last
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two years school i had friends then like a friend group
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but that until i moved to la like
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that was the last time i really had that
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when i got to new york i was like i don't really have anyone
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that i know to introduce me to people i have found
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it really nice meeting normal people here we're here to meet
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i feel like there's no one normal in la there's no one fucking normal
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that you can meet in la even
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if they're normal now like they're not going to be normal
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at some point like i don't know how else to explain it like everyone is there with a dream
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and a dollar some of them a dream and no dollar
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and that's great but it can lead people to do bizarre things
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and like that scares me it scares me
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so I try not to get involved
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but yeah I had friends in LA I definitely felt like I was part of a big group
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but um I've never had a group that is super tight
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if that makes sense like that's never been a thing
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that I've had and even in LA it wasn't like
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that it was like I always knew where the parties were
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I always knew what was going on in the evening but like Like, did I have a group of people to like do shit with during the day or like text all day?
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No. Did I?
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No, not really.
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So I read this article called The Friend Group Fallacy.
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And it's basically talking about how loneliness is cited from loneliness
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that is cited from people who feel like they lack a
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friendship group is more representative of fear of missing out instead of a conclusion
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that having only one-on-one friendships is unfulfilling which I think
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when you really think about it is like such a basic idea like
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when I have a circle of friends or a lot of people
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that I know in a city those aren't fulfilling friendships they're just good time friendships
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and those are only enjoyable to me
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if I know I have at least one real friend
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and I felt this a lot in LA
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because I had Toa living with me the whole time
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and she is my best friend like I love her to pieces
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and she is like a little home to me like I just
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I trust her and I love her and we have real conversations and we're honest with each other
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most of the time and like she's a real friend
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and she's a friend who has been there for me in times of crisis in times of joy
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and vice versa me with her and so like that's a real friendship
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that now like has such a true like there's
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so much evidence for me that like that friendship can
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that friendship can withstand a lot of things
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because there's a lot of love and there's a lot of grounds for
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that to be the case
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and it allowed me to like it allowed me to indulge in a lot more surface level friendships
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that were more based in like going out drinking doing more experiential things with people
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that I didn't necessarily trust to the highest degree like I'm
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not telling them my secrets I'm not confiding in them
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because maybe I don't respect their fucking perspective enough to seek advice from them
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but I enjoy going out with them
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or maybe I don't feel like they would have the time for me to vent to them
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or tell them what I'm going through or if I'm you know
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but like they exist in a different way in my life
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and I enjoyed those friendships a lot because the things
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that they lacked didn't feel like they were lacking in the rest of my life does
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that make sense like I didn't need those things from those people
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because not only did I have Toa but I have Millie
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but what I thought was interesting about my relationship with T
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and my almost overexposure when I was in LA to people
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that I didn't necessarily like entirely or trust entirely
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or think were like candidates for a lifetime long friendship but still found so much enjoyment in their company was
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because I had so much goodness in my true friendships
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which allowed me to then go out
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and just experience a lot of other people
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and really enjoy those other people for what they were
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and not have to hope for them to be anything else
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or try and make them out to be anything else or
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forge a closeness that shouldn't be there or wasn't there like
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because I wasn't afraid of what they lacked in my life
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because I had it in a couple of other places
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and it didn't feel like I was lacking it having a friendship that's truly good
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or multiple friendships that are truly good
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allows you to go out further into the world
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and learn almost like meet more people and interact with more people
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and have more friends in a way because the less
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that you need from people or the less
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that you hope to find certain things in certain people the
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more you're willing to take someone exactly as they are in front of you.
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And that allows you to enjoy them in a lot less of a hopeful way.
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And they're in a more honest way, in my opinion.
460
Like, it didn't scare me that this person that I was hanging out with on a Saturday night, or these people that I was hanging out with on a Saturday night,
461
were not the funniest people I'd ever met in my life.
462
But they were always up for a really good time
463
because I didn't need to meet the funniest people I'd ever met in my life
464
because I had one at home you know like it kind
465
of just opens you up to like almost receiving more goodness
466
if that makes any fucking sense like I genuinely don't know
467
if what I'm saying is making any sense
468
but versus a relationship where like there's meant to be only one of those people in your life right
469
and I'm not about to start preaching polyamory I promise there
470
was a phase in my life where like I low-key considered it no
471
so that's like an interesting difference for me is like we prize relationships romantic ones above friendships
472
but it's like to me a friendship is more expansive encourages me to do more be more
473
and see more experience more feel more I feel safer in them
474
and when I'm in a romantic relationship now granted I don't have the best experience picking healthy partners
475
or like being in a good relationship but like come on
476
but like even so the expectation would be
477
that normally you'd only have one of them right
478
and like they should satisfy you completely in that department
479
and I get it and I that is I think what I want eventually
480
but like I don't know something about that bugs me I think I'd just rather be alone
481
anyway the article also says that the average number of close friends a person has is quote
482
very conspicuously five and they say that that's
483
because Dunbar an evolutionary psychologist says
484
that it's his theory on the number of relationships a person
485
can keep up given the size of a human brain now obviously that's just a theory
486
but whatever now to say that you can keep up about five close friendships
487
or relationships is interesting because I don't know if that includes family
488
but like that's a couple of close friends some family
489
and maybe a relationship like five isn't a big number at all
490
but yeah I think like the concept of a friendship group is important to me
491
but it's also so alien to me
492
because it's something I've never found to be pressing
493
or important in my life before like I've always wanted a best friend
494
and there's been little phases in my life where I've not had
495
that person like I went through a phase when I was like
496
13 before I met Millie where I had fallen out really badly with my previous best friend
497
and I didn't have anyone maybe I fell out with her
498
when I was like 12 I don't know
499
but I went through a phase where I did not have a best friend
500
and I remember being so sad about that
501
when I stopped being best friends with this one girl
502
when I was like 12 or 13 I remember
503
that was like one of the biggest losses I had ever felt in my life like I grieved
504
that so hard and I it was my fault actually for the most part
505
that we stopped being friends because I sent her this really shitty text message
506
and it was like essentially I won't like indulge you guys
507
in the whole beef there was no beef well to me there was
508
but like basically she had decided to stop going to school not decided Her parents had decided to homeschool, see, I'm still mad.
509
Her parents decided to homeschool her.
510
And she was like my best, best friend at school.
511
I'm like my only friend at school.
512
We kind of had a little friend group at school, but I didn't really like these other girls that we were friends with.
513
And I was, by the way, so valid.
514
I think back to that all the time.
515
And I'm like, God, I'm glad I had good taste.
516
And I was so upset with her for becoming homeschooled because I was like, what the fuck am I gonna do?
517
Like, you're literally abandoning me with these girls.
518
Like, I can't believe it
519
and I sent her such a shitty text basically being like you're a bitch
520
because you hate school
521
and your parents are way too nice to you to homeschool you like I was
522
so in the wrong that was so in the wrong
523
and yeah she cut me off and low-key she had every fucking right to
524
because the way I worded that was fucking crazy like I don't remember it
525
but I just know even as I was typing it I
526
was like this is crazy this is crazy this is crazy I'm being crazy
527
and she cut me off
528
and we did not speak again for like at least a year
529
and then we became friends again and we're friends to this day
530
and actually she's getting married soon and she invited me to her wedding
531
and I'm really excited but we've never really been like best friends again we were inseparable before
532
that completely and well we were completely inseparable before that
533
and it never went back to that and then
534
that was like a huge part of my growing up was losing her as a friend
535
and it literally being my fault
536
and then subsequently just not having a real best friend for years
537
or was it for years no it must have been
538
when the fuck did i meet millie i don't know
539
but like millie was an internet friend for a long time
540
so that's why me
541
and millie have never lived near each other she was always
542
an internet friend we met on sabrina carpenter stan twitter in 2014
543
or some shit and now as adults we get to see each other a lot more
544
but as kids we didn't get to see each other we
545
would travel on train she lived in sheffield wait this is
546
so boring no one gives a fuck anyway love millie but
547
yeah not having a best friend has always been like
548
that shit does not sit well with me
549
because i never am part of a friend group
550
but yeah now being in new york i'm like finding
551
that the idea of being part of a friend group is way more important to me
552
because i feel like i am
553
so lucky in such a rare way to have the true friends
554
that i have in my life like i genuinely sometimes I look at my life
555
and I for just the friendships I have in it alone
556
like god forget all the other incredible stuff like I feel
557
so lucky that I have the friends
558
that I have like I love them to my bones
559
and I am honored that they pick me to be their friend
560
because they are people that I think so highly of
561
and I think that's really important
562
when you have a friendship too is to be like god I'm
563
so honored that you fucking like me like to truly love someone
564
so much and just to be
565
so to have such good feelings toward who they are as a person
566
that just the fact that they even want to be your friend is exciting in
567
and of itself like that's how I feel about my friends I cannot fucking believe
568
that I have the friends
569
that I have in this life like I am grateful for
570
them beyond what I even know how to put into words
571
and I've tried and like I love them and so now
572
that I'm in New York there's not an aching for a
573
close relationship for me here I would like one like
574
if another wonderful person walked into my life I'm not gonna
575
fucking turn them away like no I'm full I'm busy I'm booked
576
but like it's not something that I feel like I need
577
but I would like more friends
578
because I want to go out at the weekend I want
579
to have fun I want to be part of something I
580
want to know what's fucking going on outside of my apartment I want people to like gossip with
581
and talk with and experience a new city with like I want people in my life
582
and because I'm not specifically searching for like
583
because I don't feel like a super close one-on-one friendship necessarily needs to be part of my experience here
584
if that makes sense like I'm welcoming it
585
if it walks into my life but I'm not feeling like I need
586
that and so my thoughts around friendship
587
when I'm thinking like I want to make friends I am
588
thinking for the first time in my life like I want to be part of a group
589
and that to me is easier to establish than to find a super close friend
590
I think the reason it can feel harder to establish friendships like everyone says it's harder in your 20s
591
and also in your 30s like I think number one a big part of
592
that reason is just first of all meeting people
593
but then the second part is also like I am
594
so much more aware of what I want
595
or will not accept in someone who is around me in
596
a close way right to the highest degree I've ever been aware
597
and I only expect that to increase
598
and I'm also getting better at not being judgmental to all other people and it But it's like this difference in like,
599
I, it's more, it's easier now than ever for me to look at someone else and say, no, because I don't like the way you move.
600
There's so many, I'm so much more aware of who's around me than I ever have been in my life.
601
And it matters more to me now than I think it ever has before, because I look at other people and I look at who they choose to have around them.
602
And I see how it affects them.
603
And I think there's a lot of people who maybe just accept friendships for the sake of friendship
604
because it's hard to come by and because that's just something people need in life is company, companionship, friendship, people to fucking talk to.
605
and I understand not everyone is able to like say no to a friendship just
606
because one thing about the person isn't maybe their favorite thing about
607
that person and maybe it doesn't matter as much to some people
608
but sometimes I look at people who have a lot of let's say funny business in their friendships
609
and I think you might think it doesn't affect you
610
because you know that's something about that person that you don't agree with
611
or love about them maybe but you accept them anyway
612
and that's fine that's a good part that's a good skill to have it's an important part of life
613
but when you consistently have
614
that with a lot of people around you it does rub off like it does
615
and like birds of a feather do actually flock together
616
that I there's I've never seen proof for that to not be true
617
and sometimes when someone approaches me and tries to form a friendship or some kind of alliance with me
618
and maybe there's things I don't, maybe there's a lot of things I don't like about that person enough that I will not welcome really that friendship.
619
I also have to ask myself, like, why did they want to be my friend?
620
Because this is something I've observed mostly through critiquing other people in my life of being like, God, you've got crazy people around you.
621
Like, why the fuck?
622
Number one, why do you accept them?
623
Number two, why do they see you as a friend?
624
Like there's something here that they are drawn to about you and that you are drawn to about them.
625
And I think figuring out what
626
that thing is can help people help me a lot in understanding
627
if a friendship is right or not or if people are right for you or not.
628
I had this really interesting conversation with my mom on the
629
phone last week where one of her friends had said to her, like, God, you just attract these chaotic people.
630
and my mum had been annoyed by that statement and
631
so she had like thought about it
632
and then she said to me on the phone she was like I thought about it
633
and I don't attract chaotic people I accept chaotic people
634
and I was like this is some shit I've been fucking
635
saying here's what I think right I think we all meet
636
all manners of people the good the bad the ugly the crazy all the fucking time
637
right and certain people will meet crazy this is what my mom said she said certain people will meet crazy
638
or see like meet someone with chaos about them
639
and walk the other direction because it doesn't it's not interesting to them
640
and other people like my mom she was like I'll meet someone with chaos about them
641
and I like it like it's not that I like it but it feels so familiar to me
642
and it feels but I can handle that and they're interesting
643
and whatever and it might not even be a direct like attraction to it
644
but it's not you aren't repulsed by it for whatever reason like we talked about how it could be
645
because that's what you grew up in if you grew up in chaos
646
and or if you just have had chaotic relationships throughout your life
647
or if you are a chaotic person certain people don't feel as shocking to you
648
and then you're accepting these people in your life you're resonating with them they're resonating with you
649
and all of a sudden you keep having these chaotic friendships without really meaning to
650
and it's important to become aware of like I don't attract these things they're not
651
but they're not I don't walk away from them I think
652
because the idea that you attract things unless you are intending to
653
and manifesting it in the mirror like that's a very helpless
654
thing to say the goal they're attracted to me they magnetize to me I I don't, they're always finding me.
655
And it's like, no, everyone's always finding everyone.
656
Do you know how many people I meet in a day?
657
Do you know how many people meet other people in a day
658
that they've never met before and don't form friendships with them and don't get to know them and don't, you know what I mean?
659
Like, it's not about what you find in the world.
660
It's about more what you keep and what you indulge in
661
and that gives you a lot more agency once you realize
662
that to be like okay so why am I constantly getting into these chaotic friendships
663
or chaotic relationships or why do all my friends have these bad traits
664
that I don't think I have and it's like maybe you fucking do have
665
that bad trait and that's something I had to like look at myself
666
and wonder not long ago was like why do these people feel
667
why why do these people feel comfortable around me
668
because I don't like the things
669
that they're doing I don't really like things they're saying like why do they feel uncomfortable around me
670
and to really ask yourself like what is the thing we are sharing in common you know like that's
671
and it's not even like a harsh question it's just like
672
once you realize it you can be like okay well next time I'm gonna look for that
673
and be like no no no no I'm making the active choice to not indulge in people who feel crazy
674
and I actually I've had this harsh realization recently I've always said I met I meet I've always said
675
that I have these experiences in life where I will meet certain people
676
and it's usually people in a romantic context
677
but it's happened to me with friends as well
678
but I'll meet them and they instantly feel like someone I know
679
and for a while when I was a bit younger I would say I think
680
that they're my soulmate or I know them in another life or something
681
and I think we can have a lot of soulmates by
682
the way I'm not saying it like they're my soulmate it's like I just think
683
that our souls know each other maybe I believe in
684
that stuff and that's really the line I ran with for a long time
685
and while I don't completely discredit that maybe that feeling could exist
686
and it could be a soulmate I think
687
that the maybe closer to the reality of it truth is is
688
that whatever chaos I embody whatever beliefs I hold about myself
689
that aren't necessarily the good ones I think those are the things that I somehow know we have in common
690
and it makes them feel so familiar to me
691
that they feel like if I want to romanticize it they feel like home
692
and they feel familiar and that in a world where you meet
693
so many fucking people all the time so many random fucking weirdos
694
so many people that are scary that you can't trust
695
that you don't like that have weird intentions when you finally meet someone
696
that feels a bit like home you're like oh you're staying
697
because you feel like safe to me but
698
that safety the most important realization I've had in my life I think today is
699
that that safety that you feel upon meeting someone
700
that familiarity might not be a good thing
701
because it might just be familiar
702
but not everything that's familiar is going to be good
703
because there are things that we I'm sure all grew up with
704
that we don't want to continue in our lives
705
and there are things that experiences we've had
706
or feelings we've embodied for such a long time beliefs feelings whatever
707
that another person can carry and that can make them feel
708
so familiar without you even fully understanding specifically what it is
709
and to me now that feeling that i used to almost hope for with finding people in the world
710
where they would feel familiar and feel safe to me i now realize like just feeling
711
that and just seeing it in another person is not enough for me to have any belief
712
that there's something good happening there like it might be
713
but investigate the feeling because now the more i look back now
714
that i've kind of had this like small realization the more
715
i look back at the specific people who i can think of
716
that felt like that to me like these sometimes i meet a person
717
and i'm like i'm going to know you i'm gonna know
718
you in some way you're gonna be in my life don't know
719
when don't don't know how
720
but i know you i feel like i already know you
721
you feel familiar you almost feel like a family member i
722
don't know i'm gonna fucking there it is bitch you feel like a family member
723
and as much as my family is spectacular
724
and i love them everyone has probably grown up in situations where hey let's not keep doing that like
725
and that's part of life like i don't ever want to shit on my parents especially not on a podcast
726
but like they are still human beings
727
and the point of i I think having generations
728
and learning from the generations above you is
729
that not everyone in my lineage has been perfect or perfectly raised or been as privileged as I have been.
730
And so that trickles down
731
and hopefully the bad stuff gets more diluted as we become more conscious
732
and more privileged and have more time and space to heal certain things.
733
And then that trickles down and then it comes to me
734
and I look at certain things from my childhood and I say, everyone did the best they could but I'm going to do the best I can do, which is now something new.
735
And it's not to say that I'm a better fucking person.
736
It's just like, that's how life works.
737
And so I don't think
738
that you need to be someone who had a horrible fucking childhood or big things that you can say, I'm never going to do that to my kids, or I'm never going to do that to myself when I grow up,
739
or I'm, this is a cycle, I'm not going to continue.
740
It can come in so many different ways.
741
And I think it's just like, yeah, I think it's important to look at it now and it's interesting
742
that my mum like and me had that conversation it's interesting
743
that my mum and I had that conversation
744
because it's something I've been thinking about for ages of like
745
I don't attract more of one type of person into my space than anyone else it's just
746
that all types of people enter my space all the time
747
and there are certain types of people that I resonate with
748
and that resonate with me and then we develop a friendship
749
or a relationship and so by being more aware of why certain people resonate with me
750
or why I resonate with certain people then I can stop attracting friendships with these people
751
and I could fucking be free like
752
or stop attracting relationships with these kinds of people
753
and it's as much about what's wrong with this person as
754
what's wrong with me like it's not to say like it's it's it's
755
so much nicer to realize
756
that it's something with me as well as well as like what's what's funky about this other person
757
that I've just met because it gives you so much more agency
758
and it's like it's truly such a neutral thing
759
when you look at it like that like it's not like it's just information
760
and it's so valuable and so I've just kind of been thinking about
761
that kind of stuff a lot when it comes to being in a new place
762
and like wanting this friendship group and like even just fucking watching sterling point
763
and being like god like that's nice like what a nice thing to have people
764
that you see all the time that you talk to
765
that all know each other that all get along for the most part
766
and like how do I go about obtaining
767
that now as someone who is more picky than ever
768
but also trying to make better choices
769
and empower myself to make better choices with the people
770
that I have around me by knowing more about myself not about the other people does
771
that make sense and like I think there's
772
so much less weight on a friendship group like my closest friends are people
773
that I am not critical of
774
but like I pay attention to who they are as people
775
right like not in a way where I'm like judging them
776
or needing them to be anything they're not
777
but it's just like I don't want to be friends with someone that's a bad person obviously
778
so like I I know who they are I love them in spite of some of their less admirable qualities
779
because that's what friendship is about i make the choice to love them
780
because i know them and i think that that is something
781
that is important to be able to do as well like i remember i used to have this friend
782
and this bugged me
783
so much about her where a few of her close friendships had really big faults like big faults
784
and like it was the people
785
that she was around like there were certain things about them that like needed to be acknowledged
786
like these people had some serious flaws and like they weren't even
787
that big if you would just fucking acknowledge them
788
and stop acting like they weren't there like why will you not just acknowledge like it's not really okay
789
when this person does this like it's not that hard
790
and this friend of mine could not do it like she would get
791
so upset with me when I would bring it up
792
and I remember thinking like are you there's almost like a fear there of like you can't love them
793
if you acknowledge that they're not perfect and that upset me
794
and it was the eventual downfall of our friendship as well
795
because I was like presumably you do the same with me
796
and like I don't want to be around someone who doesn't think they have the ability to love me
797
when they see the sides of me that aren't nice
798
or aren't perfect like I'm not perfect and I will never be
799
and I want to be around people who like me enough to also love me
800
when I'm not perfect and to see me fully
801
and have the ability to see me fully and to still love me
802
because that's like how I value my friends is to be like yeah like they're not perfect
803
but I love them because they don't have to be perfect
804
and obviously it just you know what you can tolerate in
805
terms of someone someone's shadow i guess in terms of someone's darker sides
806
and how much you can tolerate or what you can tolerate
807
but to be able to tolerate is important for real friendships
808
and and not just tolerate but love regardless like love
809
because of the faults love with the faults love encompassing not like around the faults
810
or do you know what i mean like does this make sense anyway I think
811
that hold on oh my god it's 5 30 I need to stop drinking coffee I'm putting that away
812
but I'm not gonna fucking sleep tonight oh well
813
but I guess it's it makes it more hard to fucking make friendships in your 20s
814
because there just has to be a certain level of surrender
815
but also this level of like I'm still not betraying any of my values
816
or spending time around people who are going to rub off on me in a way
817
that I don't want them to but I also want to enjoy being around them
818
but I'm not looking for friendships that are so perfect
819
that are going to be impossible to find because I do need company
820
and I do need experiences and I do need people to experience things with
821
and like I need friends
822
but there has to be this balance of like yeah do
823
you know what I mean I think it's a lot easier to have
824
that balance when you have a few truly solid friendships
825
or relationships in your life and that's why
826
but yeah I don't know it's hard friendships really confuse me and
827
because I'm chronically at this point I feel like I get
828
the privileges of saying chronically single like come on I think
829
it's fair I've been single for two years now come on
830
because I am single I'm not really seeking a relationship unless
831
it's the right person like I'm not running away from relationships it's just
832
that like we'll only indulge in one if if there's a person
833
that I want to be in one with it's not like
834
I'm not actively trying to find someone to date does
835
that make sense like not against it it's just
836
that it's not something I'm seeking wait what was my point
837
where I was like guys I have to pee again I'm
838
so sorry I did this last episode I'm gonna piss myself
839
just give me like five not five minutes give me oh
840
my god wait this episode is 50 minutes long I can end it
841
and pee okay I don't know what I've really talked about this episode other than friendships
842
and like what I think about them but yeah okay I'm gonna go
843
and I'm so excited because I'm gonna be able to turn on my AC again
844
because I can't roll it during filming
845
because their fucking mic picks it up stupid stupid stupid
846
so I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go whoa
847
I'm gonna go I'm gonna pee I'm gonna turn on my AC that rhymes
848
and that's it for me this week next week we'll talk
849
about something a bit more interesting sorry I feel like this episode was
850
so fucking boring boring boring boring boring
851
and you know what is funny I do have therapy later
852
and so how many hours will I have talked about myself non-stop for today
853
many of them oh so many hours what's that like fucking three
854
or four hours of me talking about me genuinely might go to therapy
855
and ask her what she's been up to this week hey
856
fuck it last week i low-key talked shit about a bunch of people
857
that i barely know
858
because i was like i can't tell anyone this tea for
859
i just got back from la i was like i can't tell anyone this like literally can't tell anyone this
860
but like i can tell you because you've signed a confidentiality agreement so
861
and then I talked to her ear off about things
862
that don't matter and have nothing to do with me
863
and she was like I wonder why you're feeling the urge to tell me this
864
because it's juicy
865
and I had to get it off my chest what the
866
fuck anyway anyway wish me luck at therapy wish my therapist good luck at therapy love you
867
so much have a good week have a good night have a good day love you
868
so much you're so special never forget it okay goodbye I have to pee I have to pee
869
so badly bye guys see you next week see you next week same time same place goodbye
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Coffee Every Day: Good or Bad? | English Conversation & Listening Practice (A2-B1)
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A Day in Our Lives | Talking About Daily Routine | English Conversation Practice Podcast
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314 sentences
i deleted social media to fix my attention span.
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “making female friendships? // EP 109”. This video has 869 sentences and 10242 words to shadow. The speech runs for 50:41. The speaker talks fast, about 202 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| genuinely adverb | /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ | In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly. |
| starling noun | /ˈstɑɹlɪŋ/ | A family, Sturnidae, of passerine birds. |
| chaotic adjective | /keɪˈɑtɪk/ | Filled with chaos. |
| annoy verb | /əˈnoɪ̯/ | To disturb or irritate, especially by continued or repeated acts; to bother with unpleasant deeds. |
| resonate verb | /ˈɹɛz.əˌneɪt/ | To vibrate or sound, especially in response to another vibration. |
| bore verb | /boɹ/ | To inspire boredom in somebody. |
| monstera noun | /mɒnsˈtɛɹə/ | Any of the plants of the genus Monstera, known for their holey leaves. |
| indulge verb | /ɪnˈdʌld͡ʒ/ | To yield to a temptation or desire. |
| storyline noun | The plot of a story; one of several within a story, usually interwoven. | |
| tolerate verb | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | To allow or permit without explicit approval, usually if it is perceived as negative. |
| acknowledge verb | /əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ/ | To admit the knowledge of; to recognize as a fact or truth; to declare one's belief in. |
| participle noun | /ˈpɑɹtɪˌsɪpəl/ | A form of a verb that may function as an adjective, noun or adverb. English has two types of participles: the present participle and the past participle. In… |
| ruffle noun | /ˈɹʌfəl/ | Any gathered or curled strip of fabric added as trim or decoration. |
| homeschool verb | To educate children at home, that is, at a private domestic place, in lieu of sending them to a public school or private educational institution. | |
| qualm noun | /kwɑ(l)m/ | A feeling of apprehension, doubt, fear etc. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| come out verb | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | To be discovered; to be revealed. |
| get back to verb | Return to (an activity) | |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. | |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| find out verb | To discover, as by asking or investigating. | |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. | |
| grow up verb | To mature and become an adult. | |
| wake up verb | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | To stop sleeping; to awake. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- I've never done that before, like, organically.
- Unless I'm severely jet lagged.
- I wish they didn't tell me that.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Number one, why do you accept them?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | i've been struggling · I've been fucking · I've been thinking |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to kind · used to almost · used to have |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've never done · I've killed · I've gone |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was really depressed · were found · being assaulted |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 373 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, I've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, occasional /əˈkeɪʒ(ə)nəl/
- Long words — get the stress right: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, participle /ˈpɑɹtɪˌsɪpəl/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, inseparable /inˈsɛ.p(ə).ɹə.bl/, millionaire /ˌmɪl.i.əˈnɛə(ɹ)/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like genuinely, starling, chaotic.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.