쉐도잉 연습: Growing Up with An Abusive Father - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기
레슨 만드는 중...
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You're saying that your father was mentally and physically abusive, He's slapping you around, he's bullying you and things like that.
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Now, was that just with you?
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Was that with everybody in the house, everybody in his life?
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That's a fantastic question.
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So when I was young, I'm an only child, it was just me and my mother.
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And my father really enjoyed or seemed to get some sort of enjoyment.
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out of beating and bullying and really actively targeting women.
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I never saw his behavior or that behavior with a man.
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So he knew the limits.
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And when you started to stand up to him, it either got worse if he thought that he could if he could kind of beat you down or he would retreat.
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So there was a there was a narcissism there.
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When people read my memoir, they're like, do you know your dad was a psychopath?
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I'm like, no, I just knew he was a jerk.
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You know, You know, he's passed at this point, so luckily he's not impacting anybody else's life.
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But abusers know the people that they can abuse pretty well, which is why a lot of times women aren't believed,
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because from domestic abusers, the men who investigate don't see the behavior from the domestic abusers.
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because they show it to the women.
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And that's my opinion, everybody.
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Don't get all up in the comments.
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No, I mean, it sounds like classic bully behavior, though.
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I mean, you said it perfectly, which is they know exactly...
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who to target and who not to mess with.
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And so what's your earliest memory of this behavior starting?
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I mean, how old were you when you first started getting abused by your father?
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You know what's interesting is that there is a Brutal memory.
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I think, I mean, I know it was a toddler.
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I know it was before my mother shot herself.
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So I'm going to guess it's around three or four.
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I really don't know.
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But the memory that I actually, years in my 20s, I had an EMDR session to deal with this memory.
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It was me standing at the top of the stairs.
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My mother and father were arguing.
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My father was downstairs.
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My mother was upstairs.
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and I planted myself at the top of the stairs.
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You know, I was going to protect my mommy.
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Excuse me, folks.
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And I remember my father charged.
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My father was six foot two, 230 pounds.
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And I remember my father charging up the stairs.
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And when he got to the top of the stairs, he grabbed my leg, dragged me down the stairs and threw me across the room so my head hurt.
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My head hit the wall on the other side and I remember huddling as my mother was getting beaten upstairs.
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And that memory in one of my MDMA sessions came up because
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I had had this internal feeling my entire life that I was fundamentally a very mean person.
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that i had to hide from people that i was a mean person
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if only they got to know me they would know i was a mean person
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and you know where that came from
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It came from that little toddler huddling for her own survival downstairs and hurting while her mother was getting beaten.
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Because what that little girl said to herself is, What an awful person you are that you aren't going to go help your mother.
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you couldn't help your mother and you're hiding down here.
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Like that's what that little girl, not in that language.
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I'm obviously using adult language, but that's what that little girl internalized.
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And I sound like I'm crying.
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I'm so sorry.
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I'm still getting over this cold.
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But that's one of the early memories of the the heightened abuse.
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That's not the getting slapped around, getting locked outside when there's a storm.
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That's none of that stuff.
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That's the first time I actively remember a really strong physical attack.
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- Shh. So interesting.
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Well, really quick, you said EMDR session.
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Can you explain what that is?
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Yeah.
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So when I was in my 20s, I was lucky enough to have a fantastic friend who was going through a coaching, who was going through a therapist program.
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She said, hey, there's this EMDR thing where basically a therapist.
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I'm going to, and by the way, this is a level 100 explanation.
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Sure, sure.
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But what she did was she had me follow her finger and the rhythmic emotion in some way, shape or form.
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Mm -hmm.
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it didn't get rid of that memory it took the fear out of
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that memory of my father coming up the stairs
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because even in my 20s i was still having nightmares about it and that emdr session helped me
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no longer fear that actual, like it stopped the nightmares.
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I don't know how it did it.
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It didn't deal with the rest of the trauma that was so deeply, deeply hidden.
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I didn't even know that there was deep trauma at that time.
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I didn't understand trauma.
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I was just super thankful that the EMDR took the fear away from that particular memory.
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So some kind of therapy, is that right?
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Some type of methodology for helping you process memories?
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Yeah, for trauma, like if you have EMDR, and I'm sorry, I don't know what it stands for.
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But for people who have like, they suddenly, like they're kind of, they have a Dr. Crystal Fleming: solid life solid things going on throughout their whole life,
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but then something really traumatic happens, you know car accident or attack or something of
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that sort EMDR can be super EMDR therapy can be super helpful for some folks.
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I'm looking here, it says eye movement desensitization and reprocessing psychotherapy treatment
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that is designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.
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Yeah, there you go.
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But it's very interesting to hear the way you reacted, especially, we're talking three or four years old.
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Obviously, you didn't think what you.. just expressed in those words.
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But when I think about situations like that, I mean, we're all different and we all react to situations in the same way.
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And what I would imagine is a feeling of helplessness.
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But what I'm hearing from you is even if you did feel that, the main feeling or reaction to that situation was,
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"I'm a bad person because I'm not out there helping somebody else." When we are,
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here's what I've learned through years of therapy is that when we are little, and this is universal.
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We are the center of our own universes.
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We are the sun.
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And so anything that happens has to be because of us.
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A toddler cannot comprehend that its caregiver is dangerous because then what does a toddler do?
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It can't get away.
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So it's kind of like human programming that it's all about me.
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And so instead of me as a toddler saying, my father is really damaged.
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He's the one who's bad here.
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I'm fine.
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I'm just trying to survive.
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The toddler voice is, there is something wrong with me.
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Look at me.
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I'm not even trying to help anymore because I got hurt.
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Right.
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And those feelings of I'm not enough, I'm a mean person.
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They followed me.
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And my therapist likes to use the line that we are all children wrapped up in adult layers, because usually when you start to talk to somebody,
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you will eventually get to some form of
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"I'm not good enough," or "I'm too much," and it all stems from when we were little kids
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And MDMA therapy lets you take those memories from toddler age.
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to late 40s, look at those memories and go, hey, wait a minute.
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It wasn't that I was a mean person.
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I was trying to survive.
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He could have killed me.
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You know, so you get to change the perspective.
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I mean, if you really think about how much of our decisions
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and our lives are based on opinions of ourselves that were created when we are toddlers,
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I think a lot of people should be getting psychedelic assistance, psychotherapy to change some of those things.
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those opinions.
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100%.
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Yeah.
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I mean, it's hard to even imagine what that type because you're talking about regular views.
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We're not just talking about one event.
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That was just the first one you remember.
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It sounds like throughout your whole life.
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this was a reoccurring theme just with your dad.
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Then on your mother's side, you said she was clinically depressed.
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and routinely try to take her own life.
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And your earliest memory of this is at five years old, And she's trying to take her own life with the shotgun and survive.
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Now, was this something that you saw with your own eyes or how did this go down?
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Well, I didn't know it at the time, but my mother had already tried to slit her wrist.
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She had already tried to OD on drugs.
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Her arms were kind of a lesson in how not to kill yourself because I learned that You know,
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slanting a certain way doesn't really do it, but whatever.
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My father and I had come home from somewhere
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and I ran upstairs to go see mommy and mommy was laid out in the master bedroom's bathroom.
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And, you know, memories are kind.
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All I really remember is her on the floor and kind of like red on her belly.
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what I remember much more is
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so it's almost like things stop like i don't have a memory past seeing that but the next memory is
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i'm somehow at the neighbor's house looking i'm at the door
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of the neighbor's house watching my mother being put into an ambulance and that feeling of I'm alone.
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That feeling of like, you know, you're at a party, and maybe your parents ran late and the parents are already cleaning up the party
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and you're the only kid that's left and you really don't belong.
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that was that feeling on steroids.
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That's what I remember most from that.
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Like I was I didn't have a home anymore.
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맥락 및 배경
이번 비디오에서는 아버지의 정신적, 신체적 학대에 대한 경험이 공유됩니다. 화자는 유일한 자녀로서 어머니와 함께 자랐고, 아버지의 폭력적 행동이 자신과 어머니에게 집중되었던 기억을 떠올립니다. 아버지는 여성에게 폭력을 행사하는 경향이 있었고, 그러한 행동에 대한 인식은 시간이 지나면서 내면의 문제로 이어졌습니다. 이 비디오는 폭력의 고통을 경험한 화자의 개인적인 이야기를 바탕으로, 학대의 패턴을 이해하는 데 도움을 줄 수 있습니다.
일상 커뮤니케이션을 위한 5가지 주요 표현
- “당신의 아버지가 정신적이고 신체적으로 학대했어요.” - 폭력의 경험을 전달할 때 유용한 표현입니다.
- “나는 어머니를 보호하려 했어요.” - 보호 본능과 가족에 대한 책임감을 나타냅니다.
- “그는 특정 사람들을 대상으로 삼아 폭력을 행사했어요.” - 학대자가 누구를 겨냥하는지를 설명할 때 유용합니다.
- “내가 도움을 줄 수 없었던 것이 괴로웠어요.” - 무력감을 표현하는 데 적합한 문구입니다.
- “그 기억은 내 인생에 큰 영향을 미쳤어요.” - 과거 경험이 현재에 미치는 영향을 설명할 때 사용합니다.
단계별 쉐도잉 가이드
이 비디오의 내용을 효과적으로 따라 하기 위해서는 다음 단계를 따르는 것이 좋습니다:
- 비디오 시청: 전체 비디오를 감상하고 화자의 감정과 얘기를 이해합니다.
- 부분으로 나누기: 화자의 이야기를 짧은 부분으로 나누어 각 문장을 집중적으로 듣습니다.
- 음성 따라 하기: 각 문장을 듣고, 일정 시간 동안 반복해서 말해 보세요. 영어 발음 교정이 필요하다면 자신이 말하는 모습을 녹음해보세요.
- 자기 반성: 쉐도잉 후 자신의 발음이나 억양을 체크하고 개선해야 할 부분을 메모합니다.
- 반복 연습: 위의 과정을 여러 번 반복하며 영어 회화 연습을 강화합니다.
이러한 방법은 shadowing site의 기법을 활용하여 shadow speech의 형식으로 진행할 수 있습니다. 언어 학습에서 감정이 담긴 표현을 이해하고 말하는 것은 매우 중요한 과정입니다.
이 영상의 문법
화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.
| 문형 | 영상 속 표현 |
|---|---|
| 수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점 | aren't believed · is designed · is really damaged |
| 관계절 who / which + 절 — 사람이나 사물에 대한 추가 정보 | well, which is · men who investigate · perfectly, which is |
쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법
쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.