跟讀練習: Growing Up with An Abusive Father - 通過影片學習英語口語
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151 句
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You're saying that your father was mentally and physically abusive, He's slapping you around, he's bullying you and things like that.
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Now, was that just with you?
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Was that with everybody in the house, everybody in his life?
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That's a fantastic question.
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So when I was young, I'm an only child, it was just me and my mother.
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And my father really enjoyed or seemed to get some sort of enjoyment.
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out of beating and bullying and really actively targeting women.
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I never saw his behavior or that behavior with a man.
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So he knew the limits.
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And when you started to stand up to him, it either got worse if he thought that he could if he could kind of beat you down or he would retreat.
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So there was a there was a narcissism there.
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When people read my memoir, they're like, do you know your dad was a psychopath?
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I'm like, no, I just knew he was a jerk.
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You know, You know, he's passed at this point, so luckily he's not impacting anybody else's life.
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But abusers know the people that they can abuse pretty well, which is why a lot of times women aren't believed,
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because from domestic abusers, the men who investigate don't see the behavior from the domestic abusers.
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because they show it to the women.
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And that's my opinion, everybody.
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Don't get all up in the comments.
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No, I mean, it sounds like classic bully behavior, though.
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I mean, you said it perfectly, which is they know exactly...
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who to target and who not to mess with.
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And so what's your earliest memory of this behavior starting?
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I mean, how old were you when you first started getting abused by your father?
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You know what's interesting is that there is a Brutal memory.
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I think, I mean, I know it was a toddler.
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I know it was before my mother shot herself.
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So I'm going to guess it's around three or four.
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I really don't know.
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But the memory that I actually, years in my 20s, I had an EMDR session to deal with this memory.
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It was me standing at the top of the stairs.
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My mother and father were arguing.
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My father was downstairs.
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My mother was upstairs.
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and I planted myself at the top of the stairs.
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You know, I was going to protect my mommy.
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Excuse me, folks.
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And I remember my father charged.
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My father was six foot two, 230 pounds.
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And I remember my father charging up the stairs.
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And when he got to the top of the stairs, he grabbed my leg, dragged me down the stairs and threw me across the room so my head hurt.
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My head hit the wall on the other side and I remember huddling as my mother was getting beaten upstairs.
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And that memory in one of my MDMA sessions came up because
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I had had this internal feeling my entire life that I was fundamentally a very mean person.
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that i had to hide from people that i was a mean person
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if only they got to know me they would know i was a mean person
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and you know where that came from
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It came from that little toddler huddling for her own survival downstairs and hurting while her mother was getting beaten.
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Because what that little girl said to herself is, What an awful person you are that you aren't going to go help your mother.
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you couldn't help your mother and you're hiding down here.
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Like that's what that little girl, not in that language.
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I'm obviously using adult language, but that's what that little girl internalized.
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And I sound like I'm crying.
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I'm so sorry.
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I'm still getting over this cold.
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But that's one of the early memories of the the heightened abuse.
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That's not the getting slapped around, getting locked outside when there's a storm.
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That's none of that stuff.
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That's the first time I actively remember a really strong physical attack.
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- Shh. So interesting.
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Well, really quick, you said EMDR session.
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Can you explain what that is?
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Yeah.
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So when I was in my 20s, I was lucky enough to have a fantastic friend who was going through a coaching, who was going through a therapist program.
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She said, hey, there's this EMDR thing where basically a therapist.
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I'm going to, and by the way, this is a level 100 explanation.
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Sure, sure.
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But what she did was she had me follow her finger and the rhythmic emotion in some way, shape or form.
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Mm -hmm.
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it didn't get rid of that memory it took the fear out of
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that memory of my father coming up the stairs
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because even in my 20s i was still having nightmares about it and that emdr session helped me
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no longer fear that actual, like it stopped the nightmares.
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I don't know how it did it.
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It didn't deal with the rest of the trauma that was so deeply, deeply hidden.
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I didn't even know that there was deep trauma at that time.
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I didn't understand trauma.
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I was just super thankful that the EMDR took the fear away from that particular memory.
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So some kind of therapy, is that right?
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Some type of methodology for helping you process memories?
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Yeah, for trauma, like if you have EMDR, and I'm sorry, I don't know what it stands for.
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But for people who have like, they suddenly, like they're kind of, they have a Dr. Crystal Fleming: solid life solid things going on throughout their whole life,
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but then something really traumatic happens, you know car accident or attack or something of
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that sort EMDR can be super EMDR therapy can be super helpful for some folks.
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I'm looking here, it says eye movement desensitization and reprocessing psychotherapy treatment
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that is designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.
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Yeah, there you go.
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But it's very interesting to hear the way you reacted, especially, we're talking three or four years old.
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Obviously, you didn't think what you.. just expressed in those words.
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But when I think about situations like that, I mean, we're all different and we all react to situations in the same way.
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And what I would imagine is a feeling of helplessness.
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But what I'm hearing from you is even if you did feel that, the main feeling or reaction to that situation was,
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"I'm a bad person because I'm not out there helping somebody else." When we are,
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here's what I've learned through years of therapy is that when we are little, and this is universal.
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We are the center of our own universes.
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We are the sun.
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And so anything that happens has to be because of us.
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A toddler cannot comprehend that its caregiver is dangerous because then what does a toddler do?
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It can't get away.
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So it's kind of like human programming that it's all about me.
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And so instead of me as a toddler saying, my father is really damaged.
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He's the one who's bad here.
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I'm fine.
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I'm just trying to survive.
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The toddler voice is, there is something wrong with me.
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Look at me.
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I'm not even trying to help anymore because I got hurt.
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Right.
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And those feelings of I'm not enough, I'm a mean person.
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They followed me.
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And my therapist likes to use the line that we are all children wrapped up in adult layers, because usually when you start to talk to somebody,
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you will eventually get to some form of
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"I'm not good enough," or "I'm too much," and it all stems from when we were little kids
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And MDMA therapy lets you take those memories from toddler age.
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to late 40s, look at those memories and go, hey, wait a minute.
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It wasn't that I was a mean person.
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I was trying to survive.
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He could have killed me.
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You know, so you get to change the perspective.
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I mean, if you really think about how much of our decisions
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and our lives are based on opinions of ourselves that were created when we are toddlers,
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I think a lot of people should be getting psychedelic assistance, psychotherapy to change some of those things.
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those opinions.
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100%.
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Yeah.
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I mean, it's hard to even imagine what that type because you're talking about regular views.
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We're not just talking about one event.
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That was just the first one you remember.
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It sounds like throughout your whole life.
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this was a reoccurring theme just with your dad.
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Then on your mother's side, you said she was clinically depressed.
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and routinely try to take her own life.
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And your earliest memory of this is at five years old, And she's trying to take her own life with the shotgun and survive.
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Now, was this something that you saw with your own eyes or how did this go down?
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Well, I didn't know it at the time, but my mother had already tried to slit her wrist.
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She had already tried to OD on drugs.
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Her arms were kind of a lesson in how not to kill yourself because I learned that You know,
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slanting a certain way doesn't really do it, but whatever.
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My father and I had come home from somewhere
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and I ran upstairs to go see mommy and mommy was laid out in the master bedroom's bathroom.
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And, you know, memories are kind.
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All I really remember is her on the floor and kind of like red on her belly.
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what I remember much more is
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so it's almost like things stop like i don't have a memory past seeing that but the next memory is
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i'm somehow at the neighbor's house looking i'm at the door
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of the neighbor's house watching my mother being put into an ambulance and that feeling of I'm alone.
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That feeling of like, you know, you're at a party, and maybe your parents ran late and the parents are already cleaning up the party
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and you're the only kid that's left and you really don't belong.
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that was that feeling on steroids.
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That's what I remember most from that.
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Like I was I didn't have a home anymore.
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背景與上下文
在這段影片中，講述者分享了與父親的複雜關係，特別是他在心理和身體上對家庭成員的虐待經歷。這段真實的故事揭示了家庭暴力的可怕影響，也讓我們看到受害者在早期生活中承受的痛苦與困惑。父親的行為對他的生活產生了深遠的影響，不僅造成了心理上的陰影，也影響了他對自身人格的認知。這段經歷非常適合用於雅思口語練習，因為它包含了豐富的情感表達和複雜的語言結構，適合進行深入分析和練習。
日常交流的五個短語
- 我記得我的父親： "我記得我父親總是對我和母親..."
- 他就像個霸凌者： "他知道該針對誰，誰不該被欺負..."
- 為了保護媽媽： "我站在樓梯頂端，想要保護媽媽..."
- 這對我造成了影響： "我一直覺得我自己是一個很壞的人..."
- 我的頭撞到了牆上： "我頭撞到了牆上，那種疼痛依然清晰..."
逐步跟讀指南
為了從這段影片中獲得更多的英語學習效果，以下是一個逐步跟讀的指南，幫助你在看YouTube學英語的過程中，有效提高你的英語發音技巧：
- 觀看影片： 首先，認真觀看這個影片，關注講述者的語音語調和情感表達。
- 分段播放： 將影片分成小段（例如每十秒），每段播放幾次，確保你理解內容。
- 模仿發音： 每播放一次後，暫停並嘗試模仿講述者的發音和語調，特別是在表達情感和重點時。
- 跟隨字幕： 開啟字幕，關注每個句子的結構和詞彙，幫助你理解複雜的表達方式。
- 反覆練習： 一遍又一遍地進行此過程，直到你感到自信為止。可以通過使用shadowspeak方法來進行深層次練習，增強記憶。
通過這個逐步跟讀的指南，你可以幫助自己在日常交流中自如表達，也能在提高英語發音方面取得明顯進展。
影片中的語法
說話人最常用的結構，並附上影片中的原話：
| 結構 | 影片中的用法 |
|---|---|
| 被動語態 be + 過去分詞 — 強調發生了什麼，而不是誰做的 | aren't believed · is designed · is really damaged |
| 定語從句 who / which + 從句 — 補充說明人或事物 | well, which is · men who investigate · friend who was |
什麼是跟讀法？
跟讀法 (Shadowing) 是一種有科學依據的語言學習技巧，最初開發用於專業口譯員的培訓，並由多語言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。這個方法簡單而強大：您在聽英語母語原聲的同時立即大聲重複——就像是一個延遲1-2秒緊跟說話者的影子。與被動聽力或語法練習不同，跟讀法強迫您的大腦和口腔肌肉同時處理並模模擬實的講話模式。研究表明它能顯著提高發音準確性，語調，節奏，連讀，聽力理解和口語流利度——使其成為雅思口語備考和真實英語交流最有效的方法之一。