Shadowing Practice: Growing Up with An Abusive Father - Learn English Speaking with Video
Les maken...
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You're saying that your father was mentally and physically abusive, He's slapping you around, he's bullying you and things like that.
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Now, was that just with you?
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Was that with everybody in the house, everybody in his life?
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That's a fantastic question.
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So when I was young, I'm an only child, it was just me and my mother.
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And my father really enjoyed or seemed to get some sort of enjoyment.
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out of beating and bullying and really actively targeting women.
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I never saw his behavior or that behavior with a man.
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So he knew the limits.
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And when you started to stand up to him, it either got worse if he thought that he could if he could kind of beat you down or he would retreat.
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So there was a there was a narcissism there.
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When people read my memoir, they're like, do you know your dad was a psychopath?
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I'm like, no, I just knew he was a jerk.
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You know, You know, he's passed at this point, so luckily he's not impacting anybody else's life.
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But abusers know the people that they can abuse pretty well, which is why a lot of times women aren't believed,
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because from domestic abusers, the men who investigate don't see the behavior from the domestic abusers.
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because they show it to the women.
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And that's my opinion, everybody.
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Don't get all up in the comments.
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No, I mean, it sounds like classic bully behavior, though.
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I mean, you said it perfectly, which is they know exactly...
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who to target and who not to mess with.
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And so what's your earliest memory of this behavior starting?
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I mean, how old were you when you first started getting abused by your father?
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You know what's interesting is that there is a Brutal memory.
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I think, I mean, I know it was a toddler.
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I know it was before my mother shot herself.
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So I'm going to guess it's around three or four.
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I really don't know.
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But the memory that I actually, years in my 20s, I had an EMDR session to deal with this memory.
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It was me standing at the top of the stairs.
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My mother and father were arguing.
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My father was downstairs.
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My mother was upstairs.
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and I planted myself at the top of the stairs.
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You know, I was going to protect my mommy.
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Excuse me, folks.
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And I remember my father charged.
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My father was six foot two, 230 pounds.
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And I remember my father charging up the stairs.
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And when he got to the top of the stairs, he grabbed my leg, dragged me down the stairs and threw me across the room so my head hurt.
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My head hit the wall on the other side and I remember huddling as my mother was getting beaten upstairs.
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And that memory in one of my MDMA sessions came up because
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I had had this internal feeling my entire life that I was fundamentally a very mean person.
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that i had to hide from people that i was a mean person
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if only they got to know me they would know i was a mean person
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and you know where that came from
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It came from that little toddler huddling for her own survival downstairs and hurting while her mother was getting beaten.
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Because what that little girl said to herself is, What an awful person you are that you aren't going to go help your mother.
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you couldn't help your mother and you're hiding down here.
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Like that's what that little girl, not in that language.
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I'm obviously using adult language, but that's what that little girl internalized.
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And I sound like I'm crying.
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I'm so sorry.
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I'm still getting over this cold.
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But that's one of the early memories of the the heightened abuse.
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That's not the getting slapped around, getting locked outside when there's a storm.
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That's none of that stuff.
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That's the first time I actively remember a really strong physical attack.
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- Shh. So interesting.
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Well, really quick, you said EMDR session.
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Can you explain what that is?
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Yeah.
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So when I was in my 20s, I was lucky enough to have a fantastic friend who was going through a coaching, who was going through a therapist program.
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She said, hey, there's this EMDR thing where basically a therapist.
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I'm going to, and by the way, this is a level 100 explanation.
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Sure, sure.
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But what she did was she had me follow her finger and the rhythmic emotion in some way, shape or form.
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Mm -hmm.
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it didn't get rid of that memory it took the fear out of
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that memory of my father coming up the stairs
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because even in my 20s i was still having nightmares about it and that emdr session helped me
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no longer fear that actual, like it stopped the nightmares.
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I don't know how it did it.
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It didn't deal with the rest of the trauma that was so deeply, deeply hidden.
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I didn't even know that there was deep trauma at that time.
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I didn't understand trauma.
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I was just super thankful that the EMDR took the fear away from that particular memory.
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So some kind of therapy, is that right?
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Some type of methodology for helping you process memories?
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Yeah, for trauma, like if you have EMDR, and I'm sorry, I don't know what it stands for.
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But for people who have like, they suddenly, like they're kind of, they have a Dr. Crystal Fleming: solid life solid things going on throughout their whole life,
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but then something really traumatic happens, you know car accident or attack or something of
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that sort EMDR can be super EMDR therapy can be super helpful for some folks.
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I'm looking here, it says eye movement desensitization and reprocessing psychotherapy treatment
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that is designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.
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Yeah, there you go.
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But it's very interesting to hear the way you reacted, especially, we're talking three or four years old.
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Obviously, you didn't think what you.. just expressed in those words.
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But when I think about situations like that, I mean, we're all different and we all react to situations in the same way.
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And what I would imagine is a feeling of helplessness.
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But what I'm hearing from you is even if you did feel that, the main feeling or reaction to that situation was,
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"I'm a bad person because I'm not out there helping somebody else." When we are,
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here's what I've learned through years of therapy is that when we are little, and this is universal.
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We are the center of our own universes.
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We are the sun.
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And so anything that happens has to be because of us.
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A toddler cannot comprehend that its caregiver is dangerous because then what does a toddler do?
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It can't get away.
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So it's kind of like human programming that it's all about me.
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And so instead of me as a toddler saying, my father is really damaged.
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He's the one who's bad here.
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I'm fine.
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I'm just trying to survive.
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The toddler voice is, there is something wrong with me.
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Look at me.
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I'm not even trying to help anymore because I got hurt.
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Right.
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And those feelings of I'm not enough, I'm a mean person.
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They followed me.
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And my therapist likes to use the line that we are all children wrapped up in adult layers, because usually when you start to talk to somebody,
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you will eventually get to some form of
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"I'm not good enough," or "I'm too much," and it all stems from when we were little kids
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And MDMA therapy lets you take those memories from toddler age.
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to late 40s, look at those memories and go, hey, wait a minute.
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It wasn't that I was a mean person.
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I was trying to survive.
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He could have killed me.
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You know, so you get to change the perspective.
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I mean, if you really think about how much of our decisions
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and our lives are based on opinions of ourselves that were created when we are toddlers,
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I think a lot of people should be getting psychedelic assistance, psychotherapy to change some of those things.
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those opinions.
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100%.
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Yeah.
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I mean, it's hard to even imagine what that type because you're talking about regular views.
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We're not just talking about one event.
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That was just the first one you remember.
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It sounds like throughout your whole life.
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this was a reoccurring theme just with your dad.
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Then on your mother's side, you said she was clinically depressed.
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and routinely try to take her own life.
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And your earliest memory of this is at five years old, And she's trying to take her own life with the shotgun and survive.
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Now, was this something that you saw with your own eyes or how did this go down?
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Well, I didn't know it at the time, but my mother had already tried to slit her wrist.
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She had already tried to OD on drugs.
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Her arms were kind of a lesson in how not to kill yourself because I learned that You know,
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slanting a certain way doesn't really do it, but whatever.
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My father and I had come home from somewhere
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and I ran upstairs to go see mommy and mommy was laid out in the master bedroom's bathroom.
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And, you know, memories are kind.
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All I really remember is her on the floor and kind of like red on her belly.
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what I remember much more is
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so it's almost like things stop like i don't have a memory past seeing that but the next memory is
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i'm somehow at the neighbor's house looking i'm at the door
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of the neighbor's house watching my mother being put into an ambulance and that feeling of I'm alone.
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That feeling of like, you know, you're at a party, and maybe your parents ran late and the parents are already cleaning up the party
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and you're the only kid that's left and you really don't belong.
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that was that feeling on steroids.
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That's what I remember most from that.
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Like I was I didn't have a home anymore.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau C1 is gebaseerd op de video “Growing Up with An Abusive Father”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: memory, father, mother, emdr, toddler. Deze video bevat 150 zinnen en 1704 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 10:10. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 168 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 84% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| toddler zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈtɑdlɚ/ | peuter |
| upstairs bijwoord | /ˌʌpˈstɛɹz/ | boven |
| therapist zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/ | therapeut, therapeute |
| huddle werkwoord | /ˈhʌdəl/ | samendrommen |
| psychotherapy zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌsaɪkoʊˈθɛɹəpi/ | psychotherapie |
| downstairs bijwoord | /daʊnˈstɛɹz/ | beneden |
| traumatic bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /tɹɔˈmætɪk/ | traumatisch |
| slap zelfstandig naamwoord | /slæp/ | mep, klets |
| heighten werkwoord | /ˈhaɪ̯.tən/ | verhogen |
| internalize werkwoord | /ɪnˈtɝnəlaɪz/ | internaliseren |
| narcissism zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈnɑɹsəˌsɪzm/ | narcisme |
| psychedelic bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈsaɪ.kəˌdɛl.ɪk/ | psychedelisch |
| psychopath zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈsaɪkəʊpæθ/ | psychopaat |
| rhythmic bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈɹɪð.mɪk/ | ritmisch |
| alleviate werkwoord | /əˈli.vi.eɪt/ | milderen, temperen |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| clean up werkwoord | schoonmaken |
| go down werkwoord | afdalen |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- I'm still getting over this cold.
- Can you explain what that is?
- I don't know how it did it.
- Some type of methodology for helping you process memories?
- Obviously, you didn't think what you..
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | aren't believed · is designed · is really damaged |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | well, which is · men who investigate · perfectly, which is |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 54 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals I'm, didn't, don't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, psychotherapy /ˌsaɪkoʊˈθɛɹəpi/, psychopath /ˈsaɪkəʊpæθ/, rhythmic /ˈɹɪð.mɪk/, methodology /ˌmɛθ.əˈdɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: psychotherapy /ˌsaɪkoʊˈθɛɹəpi/, internalize /ɪnˈtɝnəlaɪz/, psychedelic /ˈsaɪ.kəˌdɛl.ɪk/, alleviate /əˈli.vi.eɪt/, methodology /ˌmɛθ.əˈdɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: upstairs /ˌʌpˈstɛɹz/, downstairs /daʊnˈstɛɹz/, internalize /ɪnˈtɝnəlaɪz/, steroid /ˈstɛɹɔɪd/, comprehend /ˌkɑmpɹɪˈhɛnd/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: traumatic /tɹɔˈmætɪk/, slap /slæp/, psychopath /ˈsaɪkəʊpæθ/, thankful /ˈθæŋkfəl/, ambulance /ˈæmbjᵿl(ə)n(t)s/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: caregiver /ˈkɛɹɡɪvɚ/, shotgun /ˈʃɑtɡʌn/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als toddler, upstairs, therapist.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.