쉐도잉 연습: I Can’t Control My Reactions - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

Hi, I'm Lila, and I grew up with a condition I just couldn't hide.

Most of the time, I felt like I had to apologize just for existing the way I did.

I was born into one of those families where my pacifier probably cost more than someone's monthly rent.

Dad made some tech thing in college, sold it for a fortune, then made three more fortunes.

Mom gave up her acting career to start a family and to blow through Dad's money.

And they discovered early on in their marriage that they brought out the worst in each other.

Why is your face always in your phone?

You look like a desperate Uber driver.

Why don't you just add this to volume three of the things I hate about my husband?

Oh, cute red my journal.

It has my most private thoughts.

Please, the only shocking thing in there is your spelling.

They got divorced the day I was born.

So, from the beginning, I had two homes, two bedrooms, two sets of nannies, two iPads, and eventually, two moms.

Dad married Vanessa when I was four.

She was pretty, smelled like vanilla, and gave the best hugs.

But Mom made it obvious that everything about Vanessa bothered her, so I learned not to show her affection in front of Mom.

Otherwise, I'd say my life was pretty normal.

Until something weird started happening.

The first time was when I was five.

I'd gone to the mall with Mom and wandered off, found the revolving doors near the main entrance, and walked in.

At first, it was fun.

Then it spun again, and again.

I tried to slow it down, but it wouldn't stop.

I wanted to get out, but I just couldn't time it right.

Mom!

I was panicking, but the sound coming out of me was laughter, and people walking by thought I was having a blast.

Oh, look at that little cutie having so much fun.

By the time mom found me, I was red-faced and hiccuping.

I was also still laughing.

After that, it kept happening at odd moments, like at a relative's funeral or when someone tripped at the grocery store next to me.

My parents tried to hush me up as people stared, and every time, I had an uneasy thought.

I don't even want to laugh right now.

Then one afternoon, Vanessa had taken me to the park, And I was high up on this rope structure when suddenly I slipped.

A blinding pain shot through my arm as I hit the ground. And then...

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

Oh my god, Lila.

Hey, look at me.

You're okay, baby.

By the time we got to the hospital, it had stopped.

And when my parents arrived, Mom lost it and started screaming at Dad and Vanessa for not being careful enough.

The doctor interrupted them mid-fight, looking serious.

When the paramedics arrived, they said Lila was laughing uncontrollably.

Has something similar ever happened before?

There was a pause as something clicked with all three of them.

After more questions and tests, the doctor concluded some previous fall had caused a condition where my brain could trigger laughter that didn't match my emotions.

These episodes are often caused by fear and stress, but sometimes nothing at all.

What she needs now is for you to help her deal with it together.

I sat there, my arm in a cast, just understanding enough to know that my life had changed forever.

My parents refused to accept that my condition was incurable.

So we went to the world's top neurologists, to a woman in a remote village who cured people with rainwater and chanting.

Nothing worked.

At school, my teachers and classmates had to be briefed about my condition.

If you laugh when you're scared, do you also cry when you're happy?

Is this like the Joker?

Are you gonna become evil?

And it was always weird when I had an episode, like during a fire drill or stressful math test.

But the worst was when in sixth grade, this girl Harper walked into class with swollen eyes and passed around pictures of her dog who had died.

And that horrible sound came out of me.

Are you seriously laughing?

Hey, you know she can't help it.

Then maybe she shouldn't be here right now.

Since Harper and her minions ruled the class, everyone else started quietly avoiding me too.

So I spent most of my time writing and drawing comics here.

I could decide what the characters did, what they felt, why they laughed, and when.

Because in the real world, that choice wasn't mine.

In fact, when I did want to laugh, I didn't always let myself.

Because the sound didn't feel like it belonged to me anymore.

Once in 10th grade, a substitute was sent in our English teacher's place.

The newly hired Coach Pitbull.

Listen up weaklings, there won't be any soppy poetry on my watch.

Take out your science textbooks!

She began patrolling the Isles.

You, with the bangs, why are you hiding your eyebrows?

Eyebrows always tell the truth.

Push the hair back!

Did you know your chin looks like a butt?

I'd put a diaper on that thing.

And when she got to me, I froze.

Where's your textbook?

I...

I don't have it.

We don't have a science lesson today.

Would it kill you to carry an extra book?

At your age, I carried a bag that weighed 20 pounds, walked 70 miles to school, and drank my own sweat!

Come on then!

Stand on the chair!

Hands up!

I stood up shakily, and then the laughter bubbled out of me.

I'm so sorry.

I don't mean to.

You stop that right now!

I can't!

I just...

I can't!

I'm warning you, girl.

One more giggle, and you'll face explosion!

100

There was a pause, then the whole class erupted into laughter.

101

I mean, EXPOLSION!

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Ah!

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To the principal's office!

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NOW!

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I walked slowly to the office, so my laughter could subside, and inside, I saw a thin girl standing next to the school janitor.

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It's not that we don't want to help, but we require a certain status for placements here.

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She's a gifted student, sir.

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I'm requesting you to consider her for a scholarship.

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Just then, he spotted me by the door and jumped up.

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Lila, please come in.

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How can I help you?

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The principal waved off the girl and her mom, who left.

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When he found out why I was here, he called in the coach and fired her on the spot.

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But then, a week later, a new girl walked into her class.

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It was the janitor's daughter, and her name was Madison.

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I was so glad she'd made it in.

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I gave her a small smile, but she didn't smile back.

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Madison was clearly a genius, but she barely spoke to anyone.

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She took the midterms, even though she had just joined.

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And when the results were posted on the bulletin board, everyone swarmed over except her.

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Hey, new girl, aren't you curious to see how badly you bombed?

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I didn't.

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I got everything right.

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I'm at the top.

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The room went quiet.

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Oh, confident much?

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Or maybe your mom helped you, you know, since she's a janitor here.

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Between scrubbing toilets and collecting trash, she probably found time to steal the answer keys.

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Harper, maybe you should focus more on why you're at the bottom instead?

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Harper was about to bark something, but Madison pushed past me roughly.

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I don't need you to defend me!

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She walked out of the classroom, and I ran after.

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Wait, hey!

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I was just trying to get Harper off your back.

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Why?

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Because you're the class outcast and you thought I was your only shot at a friend?

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What?

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No, I just...

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I know about your condition and I see you're mostly alone.

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But everyone will treat you with some respect because you're rich.

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And that still makes you one of them.

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Why did you have to tell anyone that my mom's a janitor here?

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You saw us together in the principal's office.

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I didn't tell...

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Sure, she walked off.

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I didn't follow.

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A few days later, I was hit by one of my episodes for no reason.

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The teacher excused me and I sat outside in the stairwell, head between my knees, waiting for it to pass.

149

Sometime later, I saw Madison's scuffed shoes beside mine.

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I'm sorry I snapped at you that day.

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Harper probably saw me leave school with mom one afternoon.

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I-I'm not ashamed of my mom.

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I just didn't want things to be harder for me.

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I get that.

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So, how do you feel when it happens?

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You know, in all these years, no one here has ever asked me that.

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I feel exposed and also trapped, like I'm stuck in a revolving door and I'll keep spinning out until it decides to stop.

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That sounds lonely.

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Yeah, it is.

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She sat with me till I was ready to go back in.

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Madison and I started talking more, sitting together at lunch, texting till midnight.

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A week later, she came over to Dad's place and she looked around in awe at the chandelier, the grand staircase, the huge windows.

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Then she yelped when the robo-vacuum sped past her.

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Wow!

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Is this really where you live?

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Well, here in Mom's.

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Let me show you Vanessa's closet.

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We can try anything.

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She's really cool.

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Just don't ever tell Mom I said that.

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Mom was super happy when I invited Madison to her place, too.

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She laid out a spread for dinner and packed a huge bag of leftovers for her family.

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A week later, I was on my way home from school when we stopped at a traffic signal, and I spotted Madison sprinting down the sidewalk her backpack slipping off her shoulder.

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And then I saw two grown men were chasing her.

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Follow her.

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Please hurry.

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My driver turned sharply after her and I rolled the window down.

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Madison, get in.

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She spun around and bolted toward me.

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I opened the back door and she dove in.

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Then we sped off.

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Madison, what just happened?

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They, they've been following me, asking about my dad.

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Who are they?

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Some guys he owes money to.

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He disappeared a few months ago and now these guys keep asking us where he is

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Down into sobs

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and I just held her the next day I told dad everything He asked Madison some details

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and two days later He sent us both the same text

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restraining orders had been filed against those men You have nothing

191

to worry about now I could see a weight lift off her shoulders

192

and the way she smiles that night made my heart full.

193

Over the next few months, I was much happier.

194

When the episodes came, they didn't impact me as much as before because I had someone in my corner.

195

One afternoon, Vanessa took us out for lunch at a fancy bistro and Madison loved it.

196

I've been saving up for mom's birthday this weekend.

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I want to take her to dinner somewhere nice, like this.

198

That's so thoughtful, honey.

199

Why don't you go make a reservation right now?

200

I watched from the table as Madison walked up to the desk.

201

The hostess barely glanced at her.

202

Hi, could I make a dinner reservation for Saturday night?

203

A table by the window, please.

204

Saturday's very busy.

205

No window tables.

206

Alright, some other table then.

207

You'll need to leave a deposit.

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I don't have a lot of cash on me right now, but will this do?

209

The hostess looked at the crumpled bills as if they were dirty underwear.

210

We can't accept that.

211

I mean, it's a card-only policy.

212

Why?

213

I'm giving you money, it's the same thing.

214

I couldn't stop myself from stepping in.

215

Hi, could you please book a table for Saturday night under her name?

216

Oh, Miss Aliva, of course!

217

For the window seat, yes!

218

And no deposit needed for our regular patrons.

219

We look forward to seeing you!

220

I could see the cloud on Madison's face, but she didn't say a word till we got home.

221

You know she spoke to me like that because she could tell I'm not rich?

222

She.. wasn't very nice.

223

But hey, you got the reservation for your mom!

224

I wouldn't have minded getting it with some dignity.

225

You should have told her off.

226

They're trained to act, Snooty.

227

I don't think it was anything personal.

228

Well, it felt personal to me.

229

She went home after that, but in a day or two, we were back to hanging out as usual.

230

Except there was some stiffness between us that I hoped would pass soon.

231

A week later, our computer science teacher walked in to announce a city-wide app idea competition.

232

The winner would get a cash prize and an investor to actually build their app.

233

Most of the kids were half asleep, but Madison was listening intently.

234

Obviously, you have to enter.

235

You think in code.

236

I just do coding for fun.

237

Exactly.

238

You're built for this competition.

239

You better enter or I'm doing it for you.

240

She rolled her eyes, but she followed the computer teacher and signed up.

241

The next few weeks, Madison was camping at my house after school, hunched over her laptop, my bedroom walls covered in sticky notes.

242

In the end, her idea was simple and kind of brilliant.

243

The app can be used at schools, universities, workplaces.

244

Lots of times people don't ask for help with small things because they're embarrassed.

245

Here, people can anonymously post about things they need, like notes from a class they missed, a used textbook, a ride home, anything.

246

And the people who want to help can be matched with them.

247

I'm naming it QuietShare.

248

I love it.

249

Can I help?

250

Maybe draw a cute logo for you?

251

I'd like that.

252

So I drew a tiny envelope with a little halo over it, and she turned it into a slick icon.

253

A week after she presented her idea at the competition, she got an email.

254

She went completely still, then shoved the screen in my face.

255

First place!

256

We both exploded, shrieking, jumping, half laughing, half crying.

257

And this time, the laughs were genuinely mine the principal, was now calling Madison our very own prodigy at assembly.

258

People who had never talked to her before were congratulating her.

259

Once the app launched, more money started rolling in, and Madison's clothes and accessories drastically changed.

260

Then one afternoon at lunch, Harper swooped in.

261

So, I'm hosting this little thing on Saturday.

262

Young founders, baby influencers, that sort of vibe.

263

You have to come, Madison.

264

It's perfect for your app.

265

Sure, I'd love to, but I'm bringing Lila as my plus one.

266

Hmm, I don't know if that's a good idea.

267

I mean, with her episodes, it's gonna be crowded and loud and, like, live streaming.

268

I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

269

It's fine.

270

I actually have a thing on Saturday.

271

Oh, okay then.

272

I'll be there.

273

She needed to do all this networking for her app, but a small part of me wished she'd told Harper, if Lila isn't invited, I'll pass.

274

And it wasn't just that Saturday.

275

On Instagram, there'd be stories of Harper, Madison, and some others at the movies.

276

A group shot at a party with captions like, ''Best night with the best people.'' But lately, anytime I'd ask to hang out, she was swamped.

277

And I guess she was.

278

One afternoon, I was sketching at a coffee shop

279

when a guy in a hoodie marched in and started waving a gun around.

280

Okay, nobody scream, nobody be a hero.

281

Phones, wallets, jewelry, pile them on the tables.

282

Just then, a woman with two kids started losing it.

283

Please, please don't hurt me, I'll do anything, please take everything, I have children.

284

He didn't ask for us, mom, just take your earrings off.

285

Uncle Robert, can I finish my MSA episode?

286

Also, you should like and subscribe.

287

I already have, so shut up!

288

A woman just curled up on the floor, bawling hysterically.

289

Can I sing Baby Shark to her?

290

It helps!

291

Also, can someone get her a mint tea?

292

No mint tea!

293

Just make her stop screaming!

294

My heart was already hammering, and her screams made it worse.

295

The switch flipped, and I burst out laughing.

296

What's wrong with you now?

297

Are you all crazy in here?

298

He started stomping toward me, but just then, a chair came flying and smashed into his back.

299

He fell over, and two other customers pinned him down.

300

The boy who'd thrown the chair pushed a paper bag into my hands.

301

Here, breathe into that. In, out.

302

As the police dragged the robber away, I tried slipping out quietly, but Chair Boy caught up to me outside.

303

Hey, you forgot your sketchbook.

304

Oh, thank you.

305

Also for rescuing me.

306

The chair flinging was heroic.

307

Not that heroic, considering I could tell his gun was fake.

308

You know, you look familiar, like I've seen your face in a tech magazine recently.

309

Maybe you read an article about my dad.

310

It had some family photos.

311

Justin told me he had his own startup and was a big fan of my dad's.

312

We ended up walking and talking for quite a while.

313

And when he asked me if we could meet again, it was an easy yes.

314

Justin and I started meeting at that cafe twice a week.

315

I showed him the website where I posted my work, and told him I was getting a comic book published soon.

316

You're crazy good.

317

You know that, right?

318

It was new that someone who'd seen me at my worst didn't look at me like I was broken.

319

He looked at me like I was.. interesting.

320

Then, he asked me out to dinner one Friday.

321

I spent ages picking an outfit, and got to the restaurant ten minutes early.

322

Fifteen minutes went by, then thirty, then forty.

323

My messages went from, hey, I'm here, to traffic, to everything okay?

324

Just let me know.

325

I finally went home, trying hard not to cry.

326

The next day, my messages were still not seen.

327

I called Madison.

328

I really needed my best friend.

329

She showed up, but she was mostly on her phone.

330

Sorry, I'm just dealing with this sponsor thing.

331

So yeah, what's up?

332

I held out my phone with Justin's WhatsApp picture.

333

Remember the guy from the cafe?

334

He asked me out to dinner, then didn't show up.

335

He's not replying to my texts either.

336

Do you think something could have happened to him?

337

Madison went very still.

338

That's Justin.

339

You know him?

340

Yeah, we've crossed paths at some events.

341

She took a deep breath.

342

Lila, it's likely nothing happened, and he's just a jerk who's ghosting you.

343

Why do you think that?

344

Look, guys like him don't usually do things without a reason.

345

You introduced him to your dad's friend, right?

346

That investor guy?

347

Yeah, he asked if I could connect them, and I did.

348

Exactly.

349

So maybe that's all he needed.

350

I just mean, he's popular, he's talented, he could date anyone.

351

It's not crazy to think he was mostly interested in your last name and contacts.

352

Why else would he just latch onto you so fast?

353

She didn't say, why would he actually like someone like you?

354

But I heard it anyway.

355

I still hadn't heard from Justin a week later.

356

Then one afternoon, Madison texted me.

357

Saw him at an event yesterday with a girl.

358

That was it.

359

No, I'm sorry about this.

360

Do you want to talk?

361

Maybe he really was a jerk, but it hurt more that my best friend had basically told me I wasn't good enough for him.

362

After that, we barely talked for weeks.

363

Luckily, I had one great thing to look forward to.

364

My comic book was coming out and Vanessa went full event planner crazy.

365

She booked the school gym, took it over the night before to set it up,

366

ordered a giant banner with my cover blown up on it and set up a whole signing table.

367

On lunch day, everyone was crowded in the corridor outside, picking at the snacks Vanessa had arranged.

368

She'd even roped in a local news channel.

369

I kept sneaking glances at my phone, checking if Madison still hadn't seen my invite.

370

Alright everybody, let's make our way in to celebrate Lila's debut as an author.

371

He pushed the doors open and my world tilted.

372

My cover banner was slashed down the middle, with huge red letters sprayed across it.

373

The white tablecloth was covered in red LOLs.

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The comic books I was supposed to sign were scattered across the floor.

375

Pages ripped out.

376

As shocked whispers started around me, my chest tightened.

377

I could feel it coming, clawing its way up.

378

Tears were already pouring down my face.

379

I wanted it to stop so badly.

380

I wanted to disappear.

381

As my parents rushed toward me, I saw Vanessa storm up to a boy holding out his phone recording.

382

She smacked it out of his hand so hard it flew across the room.

383

You do not get to film my daughter and mock her.

384

I want everyone out of here, now!

385

Teachers herded everyone back into the corridor, and Dad went out screaming after the principal.

386

I'd sunk to the floor, Mom hugging me as the laughs kept coming.

387

Vanessa crouched beside us and squeezed my hand.

388

When I started to quiet down, Mom spoke.

389

Vanessa, I know we've had our issues.

390

Well, I've had the issues.

391

I felt resentful of how different Lila's dad was with you.

392

And I just kept holding that stupid feeling against you.

393

But I've never doubted that you love Lila.

394

And I'm sorry.

395

We're okay.

396

I'm just glad we're both here for her.

397

As I sat there between my two moms, surrounded by shreds of my stories, I just knew no matter who would try to bring me down,

398

I'd never have to face it alone.

399

Two days later, Vanessa knocked on my door with her laptop under her arm.

400

Hey, so remember those tiny cameras I had my staff stick around the gym for extra footage of your lunch?

401

One of my guys sent over the files from the night before, and there's something you should see.

402

She sat beside me and clicked a video on her laptop, and as I watched it, my blood ran cold.

403

Can you email that to me?

404

Vanessa nodded and forwarded it without asking anything else.

405

The next afternoon, I went to Madison's place.

406

She wasn't home, but her mom said I could wait in her room.

407

I set my laptop on her desk and clicked play on the video file.

408

For the hundredth time, I watched it.

409

The empty gym all set up for my launch.

410

Then the side door opened and Madison slipped in.

411

She slashed the banner with a paper cutter, then sprayed red letters all over it.

412

She grabbed my comic books and tore pages out of them.

413

At one point, she slipped on some paper, then got up and went right back to ripping and stomping.

414

She looked manic.

415

Just then, the door creaked behind me.

416

Mom said you were here.

417

What are you watching?

418

Her eyes focused on the hoodie, the spray can, herself.

419

In two seconds she was across the room, slamming the laptop shut so hard the desk rattled.

420

I've already seen it, Madison.

421

Over and over.

422

I just, I just want to know why.

423

She looked down silently.

424

Why would you publicly mock my condition?

425

Why would you ruin a special moment for me?

426

She didn't respond and I grabbed her by the shoulders.

427

You have to tell me, Madison.

428

Why would you do this to your best friend?

429

Because you took Justin!

430

I almost stumbled back in shock.

431

What?

432

I liked him first.

433

I met him months ago.

434

We kept running into each other at events, and I asked him out.

435

He turned me down, saying he was already seeing someone.

436

And then imagine sitting on your bed and hearing you whine about him

437

and realizing that the guy who rejected me did it because of you.

438

Why do you get to have everything?

439

My stomach dropped.

440

So you punished me?

441

Did you lie about seeing him with another girl?

442

She didn't reply.

443

If you told me how you felt about him, I would have chosen my best friend over some guy any day.

444

Then I picked up my laptop and left.

445

As my car pulled away from Madison's house, I couldn't stop the tears.

446

Just then, the radio host's voice floated through the speakers.

447

In other entertainment news, it's now official, One Direction will not be reuniting as a band.

448

I let out a sob, then started full-on ugly crying.

449

Um, Miss Lila, are you okay?

450

I wailed even louder.

451

You really loved that band, huh?

452

Yeah, I'm devastated about the band.

453

I'll miss you, Zane!

454

I let him think I was crying over one direction.

455

It was easier than saying that my best friend had broken my heart.

456

After that, we were just strangers.

457

A week later, I walked into class and found everyone hunched over their phones.

458

Wow, what a psycho.

459

To do that to your best friend, straight up snake.

460

I followed their gaze.

461

Madison was at her desk, her face pale, eyes glued to her own phone.

462

She didn't even look at me as she grabbed her bag and ran out.

463

Just then, I got a call from Vanessa.

464

A staff member of mine posted the video to the school's QuietShare board.

465

He did it out of some loyalty to you.

466

Lila, I'm so sorry.

467

We had the video taken down as fast as possible, and I posted on the board that it was fake.

468

But the next day, Madison's seat was empty.

469

Some days later, I heard she moved to another city.

470

And just like that, she was gone.

471

Months later, I had reached a bookstore early for a signing event when I heard someone behind me.

472

Any chance the author could sign my copy first?

473

It was Justin, looking thinner and with a scar on his jaw, holding my comic.

474

Please, just hear out my ridiculous story.

475

I had a car accident that night we were supposed to meet.

476

I woke up in a hospital three days later and my parents dragged me abroad for treatment.

477

My phone was wrecked.

478

Maybe if you googled me, you'd have read something about my accident, but I'm guessing you didn't.

479

Wow, I thought you just ghosted me.

480

I'm so sorry, Lila.

481

I can't imagine what you thought of me.

482

I mostly thought I scared you off, but apparently you were just busy almost dying, so we're fine.

483

Here, give me your copy.

484

To Justin, thanks for coming back from the dead.

485

You owe me dinner.

486

Lila.

487

Justin and I started dating, and I felt better having him in my life.

488

Three years later, we got married.

489

A year after that, I gave birth to a baby girl I named Tanya.

490

My condition had improved a little, and I focused more on my writing until I became well-known and built a solid fanbase.

491

Soon enough, some shows even started inviting me for interviews.

492

One day, a famous show called me in, and I was so excited.

493

Justin was sitting in the crowd with Tanya, who was three by then, both of them giving me the kind of smile that settles your nerves.

494

So, our talented writer, Lila laughs, as she likes to call herself.

495

Here on our show, Forgive and Forget, someone asked us to bring you here.

496

Do you have any idea who would like to forgive them?

497

I have the purest heart, dear.

498

I don't hold grudges.

499

I forgive and live on because life is too short.

500

Right, everyone?

501

The audience cheered and clapped.

502

Even if it was Madison?

503

What?

504

My heart dropped.

505

I started looking around at these people who were clapping for me seconds ago, and I swear I felt they were smirking.

506

No, no. It's a chapter I closed.

507

Did you, though?

508

Just then, the wall next to me moved, and behind it was Madison.

509

She looked older and more tired, with puffy eyes and a runny nose.

510

Lila, hear me out.

511

I know what I did was wrong.

512

I met your father months ago, and he told me you begged him to fund my scholarship so I could come to your school, and I haven't slept since.

513

I thought I moved on, but I didn't.

514

So I just want to say I'm sorry.

515

I really, genuinely am sorry.

516

You couldn't just send an email instead?

517

You wanted to embarrass me even in your apology?

518

You were the talented, genius, ambitious, hardworking, poor girl people feel sorry for who would look cool and kind of apologizing to the born-rich,

519

lucky, have-it-all girl, right?

520

I used to look at you and see everything I didn't have.

521

It made the cracks in my life seem bigger.

522

But instead of just accepting your love and help, I tried to hurt you.

523

I'm so sorry.

524

Madison got up and started walking to me, crying and begging.

525

With every step she took, I saw all the obvious moments where she had hated me earlier.

526

At the restaurant, the Harper invitation, the Justin thing, my comic launch day.

527

I had been blind with love and loyalty, and I just didn't see it coming.

528

You don't have to come any closer.

529

You want forgiveness?

530

Dennis, fine.

531

I forgive you.

532

I was angry for years, but I've realized that not all of that anger was toward you.

533

I've had to forgive myself too for trusting so blindly, because a friendship breaks on both sides, not just one.

534

I forgive you because I'm strong enough now to move forward with a clean heart and a clear head.

535

Everyone clapped, and I saw people wiping their eyes.

536

Tanya slipped out of her seat and ran straight to me.

537

I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around her.

538

No one hurts my mommy or I'll turn them into a potato.

539

No one can hurt mommy anymore, sweetheart.

540

Not unless she lets them.

541

And I don't carry that hurt with me now.

542

Justin stood.

543

That proud, soft smile on his face.

544

I took Tanya's hand, walked to him, and he pulled both of us into a hug.

545

Even though my condition never went away, It doesn't own me anymore.

546

And these days, when I laugh, it's often because something is actually, truly, wonderfully funny.

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이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트

이 B2 수준 말하기 레슨은 영상 “I Can’t Control My Reactions”을(를) 바탕으로 합니다. 이 영상에는 섀도잉할 문장 546개와 단어 5169개가 있습니다. 말하는 구간의 길이는 28:49입니다. 화자는 분당 약 179단어로, 일상 대화에 가까운 자연스러운 속도로 말합니다. 영어에서 가장 많이 쓰이는 3,000단어에 속하는 단어가 80%뿐이라 어휘가 어려운 편입니다.

이 영상의 핵심 어휘

영상에서 가장 어려운 단어 15개를 발음, 뜻과 함께 정리했습니다.

단어	발음	뜻
laughter 명사	/ˈlæftɚ/	웃음, 웃음소리
scream 동사	/skɹiːm/	소리지르다
janitor 명사	/ˈd͡ʒænɪtɚ/	관리인
banner 명사	/ˈbænɚ/	기치, 기
spray 명사	/spɹeɪ/	스프레이
café 명사	/ˌkæˈfeɪ/	카페, 까페
eyebrow 명사	/ˈaɪˌbɹaʊ/	눈썹, 눈섭
hostess 명사	/ˈhoʊstɪs/	여주인, 녀주인
clap 동사	/klæp/	박수를 치다
textbook 명사	/ˈtɛkst.bʊk/	교과서, 텍스트북
corridor 명사	/ˈkɒɹɪdɔː/	복도, 회랑
mint 명사	/mɪnt/	박하
investor 명사	/ɪnˈvɛs.tə(ɹ)/	투자자
pause 명사	/pɔːz/	멈춤, 휴지
disappear 동사	/dɪsəˈpɪɹ/	사라지다

영상에 나오는 구동사

단어	발음	뜻
get up 동사		일어나다
come out 동사	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	나오다
fall over 동사		넘어지다
get out 동사		나오다, 나가다
give up 동사		항복하다
hands up	/hæn(d)ˈzʌp/	손들어!
pick up 동사		줍다

따라 말해 볼 만한 문장

영상에 나오는 짧고 완결된 문장으로, 일상 대화에서 그대로 쓸 수 있습니다:

Why is your face always in your phone?
Are you gonna become evil?
Why don't you go make a reservation right now?
What's wrong with you now?
You couldn't just send an email instead?

이 영상의 문법

화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.

문형	영상 속 표현
현재완료진행 have/has been + -ing — 전에 시작해 지금도 계속되는 동작	they've been following · I've been saving
조건문 if + 절, will/would + 동사 — 조건과 그 결과	if Lila isn't invited, I'll pass · if you googled me, you'd have
수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점	was born · are often caused · be briefed
현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때	has ever asked · I've seen · we've crossed

주의할 발음

화자는 I'm, didn't, don't 같은 축약형과 약화된 형태를 140번 사용합니다. 들리는 대로 짧게 발음하세요.

“sh”와 “zh” 소리: reservation /ˌɹɛz.ɚˈveɪ.ʃən/, scholarship /ˈskɑːləɹʃɪp/, punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/, invitation /ɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/
긴 단어 — 강세 위치에 주의: reservation /ˌɹɛz.ɚˈveɪ.ʃən/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, invitation /ɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/

한국어 화자가 어려워하는 소리:

/f/ — ㅍ(/p/)으로 바꾸지 말고 윗니를 아랫입술에 대기: laughter /ˈlæftɚ/, café /ˌkæˈfeɪ/, fifteen /ˈfɪf.tiːn/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, forty /ˈfoɹti/
/v/ — ㅂ(/b/)과 구별하기: reservation /ˌɹɛz.ɚˈveɪ.ʃən/, revolve /ɹɪˈvɑlv/, investor /ɪnˈvɛs.tə(ɹ)/, vacuum /ˈvæ.kjuːm/, invitation /ɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/
/z/ — ㅈ이 아니라 성대를 울리는 /s/: reservation /ˌɹɛz.ɚˈveɪ.ʃən/, pause /pɔːz/, closet /ˈklɑzɪt/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

이 영상으로 연습하는 방법

먼저 말하지 않고 영상을 끝까지 듣고 모르는 단어를 적어 둡니다.
0.75배속으로 한 문장씩 섀도잉을 시작하고, 익숙해지면 보통 속도로 돌아갑니다.
자신의 목소리를 녹음해 원본과 비교하고, laughter, scream, janitor 같은 단어에 특히 주의합니다.

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

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이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트

이 영상의 핵심 어휘

영상에 나오는 구동사

따라 말해 볼 만한 문장

이 영상의 문법

주의할 발음

이 영상으로 연습하는 방법

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법