쉐도잉 연습: Why I Left - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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When you were a child, who did you want to be?
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When you were a child, who did you want to be?
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I wanted to be like my mother.
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She didn't wear a cape, or shoot lasers out of her eyes.
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She was someone who wore a smile and made people more beautiful.
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I remember telling her clients how I wanted to be just like her when I grow up.
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"You'll be poor if you become like me," she'd tell me.
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"Become successful, like a doctor, then you can make money and be happy." When you're a child you don't really understand the concept of money.
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You just want to be happy.
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"But money buys happiness," they say.
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From an early age my ambitions were driven by the expectations of others.
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And being the people pleaser that I was, I'd spend the rest of my youth chasing after my mother's dream, becoming successful.
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When I was old enough to help my mother out at the salon, it was then when I realized how she did more than making people look beautiful.
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She made them feel beautiful.
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She was always smiling.
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But I knew behind that mask she was hurt.
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Every other night my parents would fight and it was always over money.
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I wanted my family to be happy, so I grew up determined on one day becoming successful.
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Senior year of high school, while filling out university applications, an epiphany hit me.
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If I pursue my studies in medicine, I'd be spending the rest of my life fulfilling someone else's dream instead of my own.
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My intuition led me to fill out an application for art school instead.
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I felt so selfish, but I had to confess to my mother.
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She was heartbroken and scared that as an artist I'd struggle to make ends meet like her.
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But I promised her that I'd find a way to take care of our family while still pursuing my ambitions.
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She trusted in me and gave me her blessing.
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The first day of art school was special because all new students were given laptops.
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This became my window to the world, a vital tool for all my creative needs.
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But soon enough, reality would remind me how my dreams came at a cost and I needed to make money.
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I found a job listing for a beauty advisor position.
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I completed the interview but got rejected.
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Yeah, it sucked at first.
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But then I was reminded how God, the universe, whatever higher power you believe in, has three answers to your prayers: Yes, Not Yet, or I Have Something Better.
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God was right because that 'Something Better' happened to be the very first beauty video I created.
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I was sharing my everyday natural beauty routine.
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Nothing groundbreaking.
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I didn't expect anyone to watch it.
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But after checking back, I couldn't believe all the viewers and comments pouring in.
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That one video changed the course of my journey.
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The early days of YouTube was magical.
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No one was really making videos for money.
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But once it was possible for creators to monetize their videos, I was able to leave my part-time job and turn this little hobby into a thriving career.
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I did it, Mom!
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I became successful and I was happy.
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My channel renewed my sense of purpose.
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Eventually my hard work paid off.
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And after saving up enough money, my family was taken care of first.
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I felt so fulfilled.
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Creating these videos didn't feel like work.
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It felt more like a dream and I didn't want to wake up.
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My growing channel caught the eyes of higher-ups who grew intrigued.
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It wouldn't be for long until I'd be swept away by opportunities and promises.
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I said my goodbyes and left my family's nest to pursue the American Dream in the 'Wild West.' It was hard to leave my family because they were all I ever knew, but my intuition told me to go and I had to follow.
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Moving to a new city by yourself can feel isolating.
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And in the city of dreams I found myself surrounded by people who heavily influenced my career.
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They had big plans and kept me busy until that was all I ever knew... busy.
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The taste of success was like a drug and I couldn't get enough.
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I figured, the more productive I am, the more successful I'll become because money buys happiness.
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I grew to understand how happiness came at a cost because I had to honor what I signed on the dotted line.
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At that time it was worth it.
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I was able to retire my mother and take care of my family like I promised.
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But it wasn't enough.
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I still had more dreams to cross off my list.
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Once I was a girl with dreams who eventually became a product... smiling, selling, and selling.
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Who I was on camera and who I was in real life began to feel like strangers.
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Money can bring out the worst in people and I was no exception.
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My insecurities got the worst of me.
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I became imprisoned by my own vanity and was never satisfied with how I looked.
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The life I led online was picture perfect but in reality I was carefully curating the image of a life I wanted, not had.
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Money buys happiness, they say.
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But all dreams come to an end and I'd have to wake up to face the harsh truth.
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The road to success is not only paved with failures, but you also become a target.
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I had to battle through several lawsuits from people who wanted a piece of it.
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This nightmare took a toll on me.
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It nearly broke me down, but I wasn't ready to give up.
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So I kept myself busy, taking on more projects and more work.
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"Become more successful and one day you'll be happy again." Staying busy was my only way I was able to cope with all the stress and anxiety.
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It helped to numb the pain.
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Years would go by and I find myself becoming more isolated and disconnected from my family, friends, and you, my viewers.
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I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do or who to talk to.
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I felt so alone and I had too much pride to let you see me at my weakest.
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I felt so depressed and I didn't know why.
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I wanted to be forgotten so I began posting less online.
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During one of my sleepless nights I found myself watching one of my earlier videos.
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I'd forgotten how genuine and full of life I once was.
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It was such an innocent time.
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Before the money, before the fame.
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I felt like somewhere along this journey I lost myself.
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Was it because of money?
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I spent my whole life chasing after success only to find myself running away from the very thing that mattered... myself.
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My true self.
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In the end, I wasn't fooling her because deep down I wasn't happy.
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I've grown to learn how money can buy many things, like peace of mind, comfort, status, anything but happiness.
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At this moment, I was feeling so broken, but my inner child wasn't ready to give up on me.
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She reminded me how it's never too late to start over.
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Although money can't buy happiness, if there is one thing people wish they had more of, it's time.
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So that's what I did.
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With my money I bought myself more time.
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Time to find myself before I lost myself.
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My intuition told me it was time to leave.
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So I followed.
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They say, "If you want to fly, you have to give up everything that weighs you down." And I wanted to soar.
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I packed up what I could fit in a suitcase and left.
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I left everything - my dreams, success, the life I built and worked so hard for...
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all behind me and didn't look back.
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I took refuge in a place where I could find meaningful time to heal, learn, and grow.
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It was in nature where I found peace again.
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No Wi-Fi, no distractions.
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Just me, nature, and my thoughts.
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This world I was disconnected from embraced me again and nurtured my broken spirit back to health.
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Echoes of all the noise and anxiety that once polluted my mind began fading.
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With my mind at rest I was able to reflect and confront my ego.
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Memories of my blurry past began to take shape.
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I was reminded of all the trials I went through and how those trials forged me.
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Every experience, choice, good or bad, molded me to become the person I am today.
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But they don't control me.
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Recognizing this gave me the power and freedom to finally decide what I wanted from my own life.
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And I wanted to be happy.
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You can't buy happiness, but you can create it.
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Right then and there I made a conscious choice, an effort, to create happiness around me.
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I did so by letting go of anything that was holding me back and inviting things that would elevate me in every way.
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I wanted to learn again so I became a student, and the school was life.
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Growth isn't for everyone.
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Some people want to stay the same forever, but not me.
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I was ready for growth.
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With all the time I was able to buy, I spent most of it learning, dreaming, creating, and exploring the depths of my curiosity.
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It wasn't happiness I was looking for.
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It was the truth.
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My quest is still not over.
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There's still so much more for me to discover and learn, and that takes time.
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So what now?
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Truth is, I don't know yet.
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I just want to create and that's what makes me happy.
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Back then I was just someone who was showing you how to look more beautiful.
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Now I want to show you how to feel more beautiful.
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Music by Kristofferson Song titles: Where Do Tears Go & Broken Fairy Lullaby If you'd like to see what I've been working on for the past year, check out my revamped em Cosmetics.
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emcosmetics.com And I finally fulfilled my childhood dream, creating a comic.
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You can enjoy it for free at heliosfemina.com.
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Make sure your volume is on if you'd like to hear the soundtrack with it.
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Thank you for watching.
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And of course, good luck.
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주요 어휘 및 구문
- success - 성공
- happy - 행복한
- dream - 꿈
- beauty - 아름다움
- art school - 미술학교
- make money - 돈을 벌다
- opportunity - 기회
- fulfill - 달성하다
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