Shadowing Practice: How to make small talk SO fun, it's hard to end the conversation - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Most guys think great conversations just happen, but they don't.
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In fact, if your conversations ever feel awkward, forced, or like you're running out of things to say, it's because you're missing a very specific structure.
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And once you see it, you can walk up to literally anyone, anytime, anywhere, and have conversations so engaging, they don't want to leave.
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So in this video, I'm going to break that structure down step by step, starting with the biggest mistake that silently kills almost every conversation you have from the start.
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And that is that conversations are not about talking.
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They're about energy exchange.
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Let me explain.
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Most guys think the goal of a conversation is to figure out what to say next.
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So they get anxious and default to questions like, what do you do?
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Where are you from?
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How long have you been here?
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And on paper, that sounds fine.
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But in reality, that's exactly why your conversations feel forced
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because you're treating conversation like information exchange instead of focusing on the energetic exchange that's happening underneath the surface.
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Let me show you exactly what I mean.
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What are your plans for the rest of the day?
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We're going to have dinner with us.
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Oh, right, right.
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Yeah.
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Where do you, what kind of food?
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Yeah, she was high.
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Somewhere in the phone.
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This is what most guys' conversations sound like.
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Question, answer, question, answer.
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There's no emotion, no energy, and no compelling reason for her to stay.
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Now, watch this.
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Excuse me.
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Excuse me.
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Hey, sorry.
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I saw you.
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I thought you were cute.
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I wanted to say hi.
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Thank you.
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Nice to meet you.
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Nice to meet you.
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Benjamin, what are you up to?
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Are you on a run?
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Yeah, I'm just about to head out to a run.
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Yeah, you look very put together.
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Yeah, I'm ready.
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How?
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Same environment, same type of girl, completely different result.
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Notice what changed.
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It wasn't the topic.
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It wasn't some perfect line.
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It was the energy underneath.
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And this is the part that most high-performing guys miss
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because they're used to optimizing logic in their career or in their personal life.
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But attraction doesn't run on logic.
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I mean, just think about it.
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You've had conversations where you talk about absolutely nothing, yet somehow it felt fun, easy, and you didn't want it to end.
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But you've also had conversations where you said all the right things, asked all the right questions, and it still felt dead.
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The only difference between the two is your energy.
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Because truthfully, it's not about the words is about how the interaction feels to the girl.
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The goal is to create an emotional experience, something that actually feels different from every other boring interaction she had that day because when a conversation feels good, it doesn't matter what you're talking about.
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You won't remember 80% of the boring small talk during an approach, a first date, or even just a casual conversation, but you will remember the overall vibe, feeling, and energy that that person made you feel.
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And understanding this is the key to fixing the real problem, which is the way you approach conversations in the first place.
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Most men approach conversations like some sort of transaction.
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There's always something they're trying to get.
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A number, a date, the girl's approval, or worst case, they're just trying to run away and avoid awkwardness.
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And the second you do that, the conversation is dead on arrival because now you're not connecting with her.
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You're just managing an outcome.
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Every word becomes overly calculated.
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Oh, say the right thing so I can get the desired result.
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It's subtle, but it makes the entire interaction feel forced and unnatural.
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Just take a look at how this mentality plays out in conversation.
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Excuse me, excuse me.
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I had to say hi because I thought you were cute.
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What's your name?
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Uh, so are you guys from here or are you from?
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Uh, she is.
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Okay, are you just visiting around or what are you doing?
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Uh, before I go, uh, I had to reach you.
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Is there any way I can add you on Instagram or?
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I have a boyfriend.
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Okay.
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Thank you.
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Now, I'm sure you can feel the transactional nature of that interaction just by watching it through a screen.
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And if you're someone who struggles with this and you want to fix it to avoid sounding like a people pleaser, you need to stop walking into conversations thinking, I need to say this for her to like me.
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You want to instead approach conversations with the mindset of do I even like her?
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And am I interested in her energy and what she say?
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That one shift changes everything because when you're trying to be liked, you filter everything you say and you become a sanitized robotic version of yourself.
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But when you're deciding if you like her, you're not afraid to be yourself and you say what you actually think.
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There's no pressure to impress her.
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You're actually listening and you get that magical feeling when the conversation just flows.
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Take a look at how I do that in this conversation.
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Where do you like to go out?
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We laugh.
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Wait, why did you laugh and give me that look?
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Because she's the expert, I can't see.
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Because we always get that question and we always have like the same answer.
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So that's why it's like funny because we always say the same.
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No, but we like to go to, uh...
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The Box, Socialista, Pulse.
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The usual.
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Little sister.
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Little, ah.
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That little sister is kind of a red flag.
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I knew that you were saying that.
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That's also what we're lying.
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So notice how when I ask the question, my body language, my energy, and my facial expression is in that evaluation frame.
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I'm subtly implying that her answer is going to tell me something interesting about her, and that will help me decide how interested I am.
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This one shift alone removes the anxious pressure that 99% of men face in everyday conversation.
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And if you're watching this thinking, okay, that makes sense, but I still don't know what to say in real life conversations, that's exactly where most high-performing guys get stuck.
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Because knowing what to do doesn't automatically give you a system you can execute under pressure.
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That's why inside of my private consulting, I show you exactly how to navigate dating interactions from start to finish.
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So you're not guessing in real time.
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You know exactly how to move from small talk to attraction to getting brought a date and beyond.
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And more importantly, we fix and diagnose the exact blind spots in your conversations that are costing you opportunities right now.
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So if you want to install this exact system into your daily life and start approaching and dating model quality women, then click the first link in the description below and apply to work with me.
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Now, after seeing a few of these interactions, you'll notice a common theme.
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And that theme is the reason that a lot of guys feel like they can run out of things to say, because most guys think the way to keep a conversation going is to just ask more questions.
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And it kind of makes sense, right?
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The conversation is dying.
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You just ask something else.
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But that's actually the fastest way to kill it, because the more questions you ask back to back, the more the conversation starts to feel like an interview.
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And no one likes to be interviewed because it feels high pressure, stressful and boring.
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So instead of just asking more questions, follow this one rule.
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And that is go deeper or go different.
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Here's what that means.
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Instead of asking boring stuff like, oh, what do you do for work?
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How long have you been doing it?
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Do you like it?
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You instead flip the entire frame of the conversation because that type of rapid-fire surface-level question and answer is not a conversation.
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It's just information exchange.
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If you instead go deeper on that topic, it means you stop focusing on the actual facts and start focusing on the reason behind them.
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So instead of asking something like, what do you do?
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You should instead ask something like, oh, interesting, what made you want to study law?
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You don't seem like the type of girl who would choose to become a lawyer.
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I actually asked a girl that recently on a date, and instead of giving me a boring answer, She actually told me a lot about her background and her family story that was really interesting,
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gave me more insight into her character and how she thinks about the world.
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She told me about how her parents were immigrants, how they pushed her to go to college.
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She was the first person in her family to go to college and how her dad always wanted to be a lawyer.
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Now, think about the difference.
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That one question turned a surface level answer into a deep, actual life story.
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Now, going deeper like this doesn't always make sense
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because the conversation can sometimes start to feel a little too heavy or the conversation starts to stall.
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This is typically where you want to go different.
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Instead of asking another question that follows up on what you talked about, you instead make a statement, you share an opinion, or you make an assumption.
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Take a look at this interaction and pay attention to how I do that.
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Uh, yeah, I came here for my studies last year, so...
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Finance?
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Marketing?
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Finance?
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I don't know, I'm trying to guess oh my god that's crazy i never got
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that you're germans
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so germans are always very logical yeah that's true instead of
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just giving her another question to answer i'm giving her something to react to she can push back laugh
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or explain herself but either way now the conversation actually has somewhere different to go
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and that's the key because great conversations aren't just built on questions they're built on reactions
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because reactions create emotion and emotion is what makes people actually enjoy talking to you
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and this doesn't just apply in person it's the exact same
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thing over text most guys treat texting like a checklist question answer question answer question answer
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and it ends up feeling like she's replying to work emails instead of actually enjoying the conversation
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and getting attracted but when you understand how to create emotions even through a screen that's
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when texting and conversation actually becomes fun
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and gets her invested in wanting to go on a date with you
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and that's exactly what i break down inside my free texting course
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so if you're someone that's constantly overthinking what to say on dating apps
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or over text and you want my full copy paste database
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and message scripts from over a decade of research coaching thousands
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of clients then click the link below to get my free
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texting course at my three best opening lines now knowing how to take the conversation in a deeper
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or different direction is really important
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because now you never stop wondering what to say next
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because no matter what she says you always have a way
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to take the combo somewhere better a big problem guys facing conversation is
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that those guys jump from topic to topic new question new subject new direction every time you do
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that you kind of to reset the interaction and you never make enough progress.
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That's why it feels like small talk.
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This is why you need to use callbacks and inside jokes because they create a shared experience, moments that only exist between you and her.
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And every time you reference one of these moments, you're building upon a shared context that only you two have and can get stronger over timing.
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I mean, that's literally what a relationship is.
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Here's an example of that in action.
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So I'm turning 30 in March.
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No way.
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Yeah.
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No way.
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I was literally going to guess like 22.
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Everyone says so.
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What?
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Yeah, I have good genetics probably.
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How old are you?
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Can you guess?
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Around my age or so.
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37. You're lying.
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I might have better genetics than you.
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No way.
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Yeah.
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You look so good.
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I'm kidding.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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I'm 26.
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You can see here, I used the same joke about having good genetics back at her.
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And it plays into this dynamic that we have the same sense of humor.
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This works because the secret to having great conversations isn't about just having smooth and witty lines, it's about connecting with each other on a deeper emotional level.
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So when you use callbacks and inside jokes like this, it signals that there's already history and chemistry between you two even
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if you just met and that's when attraction actually starts to build not
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because you said the perfect thing but
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because something is starting to form between you that's deeper
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so simple rule to follow is that
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if you keep jumping from topic to topic you're not giving
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the conversation enough time to develop on a deep level but
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when you slow down bring up shared experiences
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and reference them later as callbacks that's when a conversation stops feeling random
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and starts feeling like the two of you have a deep connection that's constantly getting built deeper
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and deeper but here's where both guys go too far because once they feel that that momentum, they think they need to keep it going.
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So they keep talking, keep asking, keep filling every silence.
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But sometimes the best way to keep the conversation going is to just let the environment do the talking.
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This is especially true for first dates when you're in a good romantic setting, a lounge, a coffee shop, a walk, a rooftop, a park.
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The environment itself can do so much of the heavy lifting, especially when there are things happening around you.
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But most guys ignore all of it
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because they're stuck in their heads trying to think of the next line
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so instead just make an observation about what's already happening around
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you what did you guys order this is a latte
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but uh it's a little basic i'm i'm kind of judging
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the drink a little bit you got to get something with
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a little bit more spice what about you did you get something
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more respectable you're kind of fitting like the basic white girl vibe starbucks blonde
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got the athletic wear on but we could work with it i'm going on a wall we can work okay
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i'm not i'm not i'm not judging heels you notice in this interaction i didn't even say anything overly clever or witty.
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I simply just made an observation about what she's drinking.
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This was a great way to break the ice and have both of the girls warm up to me.
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And I know it sounds obvious and simple, but that's exactly why it works.
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It shows you're grounded, easy to talk to, and not just some robot using rehashed lines.
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And this also works especially well when you kind of feel like you're running out of things to say, because you can literally just say anything about what's happening around you.
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Now, a big reason guys can have trouble with this is because they're really afraid of silence.
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The second there's a pause in the convo, they panic and they try to fill it and rush immediately, but you need to understand that silence isn't always awkward.
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The truth is you don't always need something to say.
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In fact, forced conversation can feel way more awkward than just relaxing and easing into the moment.
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By simply slowing down and just being normal, it makes the conversation feel more natural.
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Especially in certain environments, you don't need to constantly entertain the girl.
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Sometimes the move is to just sit back, take it in, let the moment breathe.
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Let her say something, let her start to invest in the conversation.
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For a lot of guys who are afraid of the silence, this always seems like the hardest fix, but it's actually the easiest
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because you literally don't have to do anything like literally just
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try doing nothing for two three four sometimes five seconds make
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eye contact smile look her up in doubt relax look around
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the venue see what's happening oh that's kind of weird
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that guy's doing
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that thing of let let the interaction in the environment unfold
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I promise one extended silence is not going to break a conversation at least not
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when you're on a date and the best part about this is
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that you're not forcing conversations anymore you finally reach the point where things don't always have to go somewhere
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which brings me to a really important part of this, which is that it's okay to let conversations die.
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Most guys try to keep every conversation alive and push the pace, but that's a mistake.
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Not every interaction is meant to go somewhere, and that's okay.
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If the energy isn't there, don't force it, because the moment you start trying to save an interaction, everything you say becomes reactive.
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You start reaching, overthinking, filling space just to avoid silence, and that's what actually kills the interaction.
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The key is being able to recognize that and exit clean.
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Maybe it's time to ask for the phone number.
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Maybe it's time to tell her you gotta go, but you would love to talk to her again, and you ask for the Instagram or the number, or you even suggest meeting up sometime in the future.
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Now, if you're a guy who's doing approaches, going on dates and even getting numbers, but things keep falling apart during the conversational piece and you don't know why, the real problem is that you're going into interactions blind.
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You're saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
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Your energy isn't matching your words.
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Maybe things just aren't clicking.
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Either way, you don't just need to know what to say and how to have the conversations and how to build attraction.
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You need feedback on the mistakes occurring in the interactions.
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That's why in my private dating consulting, I don't just give you a system.
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I show you exactly where you're messing up across your approaches, texts and dates.
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So instead of guessing and repeating the same mistakes, you can fix them fast with direct feedback from me and my team and start converting the women you actually want.
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So you want that system and that feedback and that deep level of clarity and reassurance, knowing that if you make a mistake, you'll know how to fix it fast.
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Then click the first link in the description and apply to work with me.
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And if you want to see exactly how we give guys feedback in real time on their interactions, click here to watch this video.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau B2 is gebaseerd op de video “How to make small talk SO fun, it's hard to end the conversation”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: conversation, interaction, instead. Deze video bevat 265 zinnen en 3184 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 14:01. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 227 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 87% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| bore werkwoord | /boɹ/ | vervelen |
| attraction zelfstandig naamwoord | /əˈtɹækʃn̩/ | aantrekkingskracht, attractie |
| emotion zelfstandig naamwoord | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | emotie |
| genetics zelfstandig naamwoord | /dʒəˈnɛt.ɪks/ | genetica, erfelijkheidsleer |
| witty bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈwɪti/ | geestig |
| vibe zelfstandig naamwoord | /vaɪb/ | vibraties |
| anxious bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈæŋkʃəs/ | bezorgd |
| observation zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/ | waarneming |
| awkwardness zelfstandig naamwoord | onbeholpenheid, onhandigheid | |
| checklist zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈt͡ʃɛklɪst/ | afvinklijst, controlelijst |
| compel werkwoord | /kəmˈpɛl/ | bedwingen |
| diagnose werkwoord | /ˈdaɪ.əɡˌnoʊs/ | diagnosticeren |
| optimize werkwoord | /ˈɑptɪmaɪz/ | optimistisch zijn/handelen |
| unfold werkwoord | /ʌnˈfoʊld/ | openvouwen, uitspreiden |
| blond bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /blɑnd/ | blond |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| slow down werkwoord | afremmen |
| break down werkwoord | stukgaan, kapot gaan |
| bring up werkwoord | opvoeden |
| end up werkwoord | belanden, terechtkomen |
| fall apart werkwoord | uiteenvallen, uit elkaar vallen |
| figure out werkwoord | uitvogelen, er achter komen |
| go out werkwoord | naar buiten gaan |
| mess up werkwoord | verrommelen, in de war brengen |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- How long have you been here?
- Where do you, what kind of food?
- Benjamin, what are you up to?
- Are you on a run?
- Where do you like to go out?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | be liked · be interviewed · aren't just built |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | problem, which is · someone who struggles · guys who are |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | have you been · You've had · you've also had |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 88 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, I'm, don't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, truthfully /ˈtɹuːθ.fəl.i/, athletic /æθˈlɛt.ɪk/
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, energetic /ˌɛn.əɹˈdʒɛt.ɪk/, mentality /mɛnˈtæləti/, momentum /ˌmə(ʊ)ˈmɛntəm/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: vibe /vaɪb/, optimize /ˈɑptɪmaɪz/, sanitize /ˈsænətaɪz/, unfold /ʌnˈfoʊld/, reactive /ɹiːˈæktɪv/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, rehash /ɹiːˈhæʃ/, sanitize /ˈsænətaɪz/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: diagnose /ˈdaɪ.əɡˌnoʊs/, navigate /ˈnæv.ɪ.ɡeɪt/, immigrant /ˈɪmɪɡɹənt/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als bore, attraction, emotion.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.