Shadowing Practice: you're not being kind - you're performing - Learn English Speaking with Video

You do not know me.

Why are you making yourself so available?

Kindness without truth is manipulation.

I don't want to give a fucking performance.

Like, I'm gonna be nice, but I'm not gonna be like, oh my god, like, yes, of course.

Anyway, I sound like such a bitch.

Hi, guys.

Okay, we are back with another journal entry.

I know, I promised you guys, like, weekly journal.

I don't know about weekly journal entries, but so far we're going pretty strong.

is it the people who appear the most cold to you at the beginning are always very kind people

when you get to know them

and also why are the people who are like super warm

and super welcoming at the beginning tend to be f*ing bitches

and again oh my god i always have to give a little disclaimer

because you guys get into very defensive mode

if you guys happen to be one of the people who

are like super welcoming at the beginning i just want to say again once again it depends on context

so i was looking through the comment section because i found that topic to be very interesting because

way of why I think that way.

Again, I always say this coming from a formal people pleaser myself.

I was always very, very friendly.

And I think I was that way, you know, super friendly at the beginning first, you know, just, just to be nice.

But I think a lot of people are nice and they're not really kind.

And for me, I was like super, super nice.

Why?

Because I wanted you to like me.

That's it.

I wanted you to like me.

But the thing was that I didn't even care if I liked you.

I want you to like me.

And when you really think about that, that's kind of manipulative.

When you really, really think about it.

It's like, I'm not really showing you exactly who I am, like 100 % of who I but I'm going to be super friendly.

Just making myself super available, super nice, just being there 100 % for you.

But I don't know shit about you.

I don't know anything about you.

Why am I acting like this?

Why do I act like that back then?

It's because of insecurity.

I didn't feel secure myself.

I wanted other people to kind of like validate me in some ways.

And so when I see these, it's like I can see both sides of the coins when that girl posted a TikTok.

And it was just such good conversation.

And nowadays, I think that as time goes on, I don't want to make myself sound fucking ancient, goes on you just learn more stuff

and i realize nowadays people might maybe even call me a bitch

because i'm not like hey girlie what is up

when i first meet someone it's very cool calm and collected

because i don't want to perform i don't want to give

a fucking performance being super fucking friendly like i'm gonna be nice

but i'm not gonna be fucking crazy i'm not gonna be

like oh my god like yes of course okay wait i

sound like such a bitch i sound like such a bitch

but like you know what i mean i'm not putting up a performance that shit's for like high school me

Find some other bitches.

I do think that the way you act keeps certain people away

if I'm acting fucking cold I don't attract the fake ass bitches.

Oh, maybe you do sometimes maybe the way you act right

now It makes some people like want to act a certain way for you to like them.

You know, I mean, they might be oh my gosh She doesn't really seem to really care about me.

She doesn't really seem to like me I'm gonna do everything for her to like me there's pros

and cons because I think that the way I that I am, I do think that sometimes maybe it's harder to make friends.

It's easier to make friends where you're super friendly at the beginning.

I just think that's a fact.

But I think that to keep them long term, that's another question.

That I don't know.

You have to ask other people who act like, hi girlies.

I don't do that anymore.

So honestly, I cannot compare.

Wait, when I really think about that, I feel like back in college when I used to act like that, it was easy to make friends at the beginning.

But then afterwards, it was just a little different because you don't even know who the fuck you are.

You just want other people to like you.

I don't And you have to keep up with it.

And most of the time we can't keep up with it because when you get to know someone for a while, they can't keep pretending forever.

And the same with people.

You can't pretend in your romantic relationships.

You can't pretend in your platonic relationships.

It's just things fall apart.

And it's much easier to just be who you are.

So back then I would act extremely friendly, just be very low maintenance so people will like me.

And now as I've gotten older, I feel like I've gotten the other end.

I'm also on the receiving end now.

them which isn't a bad thing

but it doesn't doesn't feel like who you are like it just feels like you're just making yourself

so available but the thing is

that you don't know me you do not know me why are you making yourself

so available don't do that

and it's like you don't own anyone anything you have to

first figure out do you like this person you might be oh it's

because you post online so people already know who you are yes

and no i feel like i post a lot of things online to share

but like it takes one to interact with me to get to know me better even for me like

when i interact with other influencers or creators it's the same same thing.

Maybe yes, maybe I know what your favorite food is, maybe your favorite color, but I don't know you as a person.

I see you through the screen and yes, it's like I enjoy your content, but I need to get to know, I need to sit down and this is just going to be like a blank state

and I need to interact with you.

And so truthfully, no, I don't know.

Even if you post online, I actually don't really know much about you because I've never interacted with you.

100

All I've seen is you talking to your camera and that's about it.

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And people who try to people please you now that I'm on the receiving end, there's a lot of resentment that builds up.

102

When you really They act a certain way, act a certain way.

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And then once you become friends with them and once you interact with them, the mask slowly falls off.

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And then you're probably confused.

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Like, who am I interacting with?

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And yeah, it's just like as time goes on.

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Resentment builds, and that just sucks.

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Just much easier to just show up as who you are rather than pretending to be someone.

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And then the other point is that if being cold and bitchy, does that automatically mean that they're going to be a good person?

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Fuck no. No, it just depends on context.

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I feel like I'm slowly getting there where I just act how I am.

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you act how you are authentically without like sugarcoating things like

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yes some people might think you're bitchy it's like no i'm not i'm not rude it's just

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that i'm not extremely nice i don't have to be like

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oh my god yes of course i'm just like yes that's fine

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but yeah some people might call you bitchy for that

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and maybe that's like something with their own insecurities i don't know

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but i do realize that people respect you more when you act

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that way they take you more seriously for me i don't really like to waste time so sometimes

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when i like do interact with random strangers for certain scenarios

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i kind of just like want to get straight to the point and interactions.

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I'm like, yeah, maybe I could have been friendlier, but then I'm like, I wasn't rude.

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I just wasn't smiling all the time.

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And it makes life easier for me.

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People think I'm a bitch.

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I'm a bitch.

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I don't care.

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I don't like you until I like you.

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I truly believe that you will meet people who are going to be similar to you.

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And again, I'm not saying that, oh, I'm never friendly.

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I always have like a bitchy face on.

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No, if I want to be friends with someone, I'm going to be friendly, but like, I'm not going to go over the board.

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And I want to pull up that TikTok.

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I want to look Some people are saying that because they're not trying to manipulate you into liking them.

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That is the top comment and that's very very true.

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Like even for me back then yes, even if you don't really realize that you're trying to manipulate someone into liking you, that is basically what is going on.

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You're not being truthful.

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I remember it was Emma Watson that said it.

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Oh okay, she said it.

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Kindness without truth is manipulation.

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And that is really crazy when you think about it

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because it's like you're not really showing your true self to the person.

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You're just being nice and there's no truth in that.

144

And also people say that a friend to all is a friend to none and that's very true.

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by the fact that not picking a side is picking a side

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and I don't like being friends with people like that and you might be like, "Well, I don't want to get like involved in things.

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This was like not about me.

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I don't want to get involved." That's fine.

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But you cannot get upset when the other person doesn't want to be friends with you.

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Friend A and friend B has a fallout

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and you're also in the friend group and they both tell you what happened and you just be, "I want to be friends with both of them." You know, maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, but if you want to be friends with both of them,

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do not get offended if one of the friends don't want to be friends with you anymore

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because you're friends with the person who hurt her.

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with everything you know if i tell you someone did something

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and they hurt me

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and you're a really good friend to me i'm talking like you know we are good friends

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and you're still friends gonna talk to the other

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that hurt me then i'm not gonna be cool with you i'm still trying to figure this out actually

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which is that some people

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that you meet you know just a few times you wouldn't consider them like a very close close friend

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but they tell you stuff about other people

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and for me my automatic instinct is

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that oh they told me about this other person you know i don't really know this other person

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but i'm not really gonna hang out with them because my friend told me that they hurt them

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you don't need two sides of the story as in like

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if your best friend told you something but

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if it's like someone that's like an acquaintance and they tell you

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that and it's like the water is kind of muddy like you don't really know what to do

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so i think it's just like being aware of what you're being told

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and who's telling you that sometimes

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when you don't get two sides of the story just notice

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that be aware of that

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but yeah let me see let me see what else did people say people say

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that i'm not nice i'm kind because we don't use people

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because they aren't performing for others approval or validation that's true

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because when you really just show up as just yourself and

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to be someone most of the time like yeah people won't fucking like you

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but then it's like for those people they don't really care

179

about whether people like them they're just showing up as who they are they care about whether they like you and

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if they don't like you they don't give a fuck about

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you they don't care i think it's just really realistic in this world

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because you can't care for everyone you just can't do

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that you can't be friends with everyone like i always say

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and you trying to be friends with everyone it just i

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don't know it's a lot how do you build any sort

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of meaningful friendship set personally remember me bitches who want to be friends with everyone

187

Fucking cake you can have your own fucking take.

188

This is my channel.

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I get to say what my takes are.

190

I don't trust people like that I just want to see what else people have said in that.

191

Oh, some people said that

192

because overly nice people are hiding their intentions It's to quiet chill people

193

that don't care what you think also people have said it's more

194

that we're quiet observant rather than cold and abrasive It's because we're aware of the patterns.

195

We're just sitting back and doing research.

196

That's very true It keeps the fake people away fake people won't tolerate the cold

197

and abrasive people people are so performative They are not cold.

198

They just give their energy only to those who deserve it.

199

We are protecting our peace, aka people with healthy boundaries.

200

We are cold at first to freeze out the fakers.

201

The devil always comes as your friend.

202

That is one crazy ass fucking line.

203

I hide my nice side until you prove you're worth it because we don't know how to be fake.

204

For me, I disagree because I know how to be fake.

205

I can be fake as fuck.

206

Actually, can I?

207

I think it's hard for me to be fake for a very long time because sometimes if something doesn't interest me, it's very hard.

208

be like oh my god really i'll just say

209

that like 10 more times oh my god really no way

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oh my god it's very hard for me to show interest in things

211

if it really just doesn't interest me

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and this is what you're getting i'm showing up

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if you don't with that you don't with

214

that that's cool yes of course i can always change who i want to be

215

but sometimes when something doesn't interest me then it doesn't interest me

216

and sometimes i am just the type of that get drained really easily

217

and sometimes when there's a lot of people talking i just can't contribute

218

because i'd rather listen and sometimes i don't want to listen i just want to go home Once again, authenticity is very, very important.

219

I feel truly good about myself and I feel truly aligned to myself when I'm one and one to myself.

220

You know, I just act how I want to act.

221

I feel really good about that.

222

I show excitement when I want to show excitement.

223

I want to be cringe when I want to be cringe.

224

I'm sad when I want to be sad.

225

I'm angry when I want to be angry.

226

And that makes me feel truly good about myself.

227

For moments where we don't have to be performative, like we should just not be performative because that takes a lot of energy.

228

Because like when you're being

229

But like moments where it really doesn't affect your survival like

230

day -to -day relationships friendships just be true to who you are Trust me.

231

It saves a lot of fucking time Imagine you pouring

232

so much time into a friendship

233

But you are pretending to be someone the entire time

234

and you're gonna be upset at that person

235

and you're not gonna be happy with yourself Because sometimes when you have a friendship, it's just like there's a certain rhythm

236

that goes with it You kind of set that rhythm

237

when you start interacting with

238

that person You might as well set the rhythm of the friendship based off of who you actually are

239

and they don't like you But yeah, that's basically what I wanted to talk about today because I literally saw a TikTok and I was like, damn, I want to reflect on that.

240

Even back then when people were like overly nice to me, something was very off about them.

241

And I never really liked them when I really think about it.

242

And I felt like a bitch.

243

I would literally say I don't like them.

244

And I'm like, why don't I like them?

245

You know, it made me feel like a piece of shit.

246

And yes, there's nothing truly wrong with being nice.

247

But sometimes just like being overly nice when you first meet someone, like why is that happening?

248

And I've always gravitate more towards people who are just more chill.

249

because back then, I remember people were like chill.

250

I was like, oh, why is she being such a bitch?

251

Why is she being like so rude?

252

And no, it was because back then I was insecure as fuck.

253

So I just felt like me being super people pleasing, making people like me, being manipulative as fuck.

254

Okay, it wasn't, it wasn't, okay, okay.

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I think back then I didn't know that I was like manipulating people.

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I just knew that I just wanted to be nice to people so people can like me.

257

That was like in high school, also college, literally first two years of college.

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And then, yeah, it was because those people, they saw me being overly nice.

259

They probably sensed that they were like, oh, this girl just wanted people to please me.

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This is not a real bitch.

261

And they're usually older than me, too, which makes sense.

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And now that I'm older, I can sense the same thing, too, which is so funny when you think about it.

263

It's like you become what you were scared of before.

264

I was kind of scared of them, not going to lie, but like low key, when I got to know them, I'm like, damn, these people are real as fuck.

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Anyways, that is it for this journal entry.

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to spark some conversations

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because that's like made the goal my journal entries just to like really get me thinking

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and get you thinking when something makes me think i tell you guys

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so yeah that is basically the episode and i hope you guys liked it and

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if you guys have any other topics you guys want me

271

to talk about i would just want you guys to keep it very very specific

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because sometimes you guys just are like uh what are your

273

red flags i'm like babe babe like red flags can you be a little bit more specific

274

so the more specific the better

275

and maybe in the comment section you guys can vote

276

which one you guys want me to talk about next so yeah anyways i will see you guys all very

277

Bye! you

📺 Zelfde Kanaal

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Deze spreekles op niveau B2 is gebaseerd op de video “you're not being kind - you're performing”. Deze video bevat 277 zinnen en 3282 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 13:26. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 244 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 87% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:

Woord	Uitspraak	Betekenis
interact werkwoord	/ɪn.təˈɹækt/	interageren, elkaar beïnvloeden
manipulate werkwoord	/məˈnɪp.jʊ.leɪt/	manipuleren
rhythm zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈɹɪð.əm/	ritme
abrasive bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/əˈbɹeɪ.sɪv/	schurend
insecurity zelfstandig naamwoord		onzekerheid
resentment zelfstandig naamwoord	/ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/	misnoegen, wrok
manipulation zelfstandig naamwoord	/məˌnɪp.juˈleɪ.ʃən/	manipulatie, gebruik
kindness zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈkaɪnd.nəs/	vriendelijkheid, aardigheid
scare werkwoord	/skɛɚ/	bang maken, beangstigen
nowadays bijwoord	/ˈnaʊ.ə.deɪz/	heden, momenteel
babe zelfstandig naamwoord	/beɪb/	stuk
excitement zelfstandig naamwoord	/ɪkˈsaɪtmənt/	opgewondenheid
depend werkwoord	/dɪˈpɛnd/	afhangen
influencer zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈɪnflu.ənsə(ɹ)/	beïnvloeder
validate werkwoord	/ˈvæl.ɪ.deɪt/	valideren

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Woord	Betekenis
show up werkwoord	tentoonstellen
build up werkwoord	opstapelen
fall apart werkwoord	uiteenvallen, uit elkaar vallen
figure out werkwoord	uitvogelen, er achter komen
sit down werkwoord	gaan zitten

Zinnen om te herhalen

Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:

Why are you making yourself so available?
I don't know anything about you.
Why am I acting like this?
Why do I act like that back then?
I didn't feel secure myself.

Grammatica in deze video

De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:

Structuur	In de video
Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding	people who appear · people who are · people who act
Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt	I've gotten · I've never interacted · I've seen

Uitspraak om op te letten

De spreker gebruikt 164 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals don't, I'm, you're. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.

De “th”-klanken: rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, truthful /ˈtɹuːθ.f(ə)l/, truthfully /ˈtɹuːθ.fəl.i/, authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/
De klanken “sh” en “zh”: manipulation /məˌnɪp.juˈleɪ.ʃən/, sugarcoat /ˈʃʊɡɚˌkoʊt/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/
Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: manipulate /məˈnɪp.jʊ.leɪt/, manipulation /məˌnɪp.juˈleɪ.ʃən/, influencer /ˈɪnflu.ənsə(ɹ)/, authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/

Zo oefen je met deze video

Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als interact, manipulate, rhythm.

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?

Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.

Shadowing-techniek: lees de volledige stap-voor-stap-gids →

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Zinnen om te herhalen

Grammatica in deze video

Uitspraak om op te letten

Zo oefen je met deze video

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?