Shadowing Practice: A Longer Life Isn't a Better One — Iman Hasan on Longevity and the Optimization Trap - Learn English Speaking with Video

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The newest, latest red light device or gadget is not going to change the game for you.

It's just not.

The foundation of health is sleep, nutrition, hydration, quality of your relationships.

That doesn't change.

Our guest today sits at the center of the longevity and biohacking industry, representing some of the biggest names in the space, such as Dave Asprey, Gary Brekka, and Dr. Mark Hyman.

This is Iman Hassan, and she's here to explain why the things that actually keep you healthy are cheap,

boring, and completely unsellable we feel like we're kind of moving towards really micromanaging

and controlling every little thing i'm talking about the guys

that are like let's figure out how not to die it's

more fear -mongering than it is about really living your best life i feel

that we're at this tipping point

that they're always chasing the next thing that's going to keep

them alive the next thing that's not going to allow them to die

and they're not really living in the moment and

if we do want to live till 200 300 400 why is

that is that so we can stay alive longer to stay with our loved ones is it

because we want to give back in a meaningful way

or is it just so i can have that title

and it's just feeding my ego i want to get to a point where

when i'm older whatever older is for me 70

or 80 i'm independent i'm self -sufficient i can take care of myself

that is such an important thing to me and

that for me is longevity it's the quality of my life it's not about quantity i haven't ever looked at

and said well i must live till 102.

is there something that you want to say

that has been on your mind what's the reality of things what don't they tell us

iman hi love having you here thank you

so much we just had dinner a couple of days ago

and you know you and i can go on and on

and on talking so i think women like us having a conversation candidly about different topics

that resonate with other women um i think is the best way to go for this conversation

so i'm going to start off with the opening um about optimization and longevity.

So you and I are both in the functional health space.

We are guided by it.

We know a lot of people in the space.

You especially are your inner circle

and the people you manage actually under your company are in the health and wellness and functional medicine space.

But sometimes I come to think about how people are taking this whole new life of longevity and biohacking.

And do you think at some point the self -optimization route

is it feels more like a controlling situation more than really optimizing

and being happy with who you are do you feel like we're kind of moving towards really micromanaging

and controlling every little thing um i mean i'm talking about the guys

that are like let's not let's figure out how not to

die you know kind of like they're really taking it to

the point where maybe it's more about fear of growing older or fear of getting sick.

It's more fear mongering than it is about really living your best life.

I feel that the industry, the dangerous part, just like you said, that we're at this tipping point, that they're always chasing the next thing that's going to keep them alive,

the next thing that's not going to allow them to die.

And they're not really living in the moment

and appreciating how far we've come as a species to even understand our bodies to this point.

And also chasing the next thing is never going to change.

Health starts at a fundamental level.

The foundation of health is sleep, nutrition, hydration, quality of your relationships.

That doesn't change.

And I feel like chasing the stem cells and chasing the infant rhesus and chasing this or chasing that, it's just all expensive add -ons,

but they mean nothing unless your foundational health is in check.

And so that's where a lot of people forget is when they're signing up for new therapies or treatments and they're like, this is 60 ,000, this is 70 ,000, this is 80.

are you the type of person that should even be investing in that?

Have you first fixed the foundation, the core of your health, which is going to determine everything?

If you don't get enough sleep, and that's something I'm telling to myself, you're going to be inflamed, right?

And if you have inflammation, it doesn't matter the IVs you throw at it or the peptides or even the supplements.

It cannot reverse long -term the lack of quality of sleep, right?

So I feel that we need to have a really honest conversation and ask ourselves, what are we running towards and why?

And if we do want to live till 200, 300, 400, why is that?

Is that so we can stay alive longer to stay with our loved ones?

Is it because we want to give back in a meaningful way?

Or is it just so I can have that title and it's just feeding my ego?

That's a good point.

Actually, I've come to think of it both of my friend

and i um we have certain goals

that we're trying to reach the way i try to reach

these goals are very different to the way she does she's

after i want to be thin right i want to lose weight um

and maybe she doesn't pick she doesn't choose to do weight

loss in the best possible way the way i'm after it

is more on you know uh sleep better circadian rhythm eat well like highly nutritious food fuel your body

and it shows in our in the data if we're looking at data.

her biological age is maybe five years over her current age

and my biological age is eight years younger um and

that shows like at the core what what are we really chasing are we chasing i mean

and then she has all the tools and all the like the stuff

that i don't have i just i'm more on the diy version of stuff mainly

and then everything else may come later

but it just it just comes to show like i feel

like there's such an obsession with getting the latest gadget getting the latest tool

and is that really helping or are we becoming obsessed

and controlling the situation more than just like living the right

way to optimize your health i think that's just adding more stress you're like well

if i get this other thing then it's going to do this firstly it starts with discipline

and that leads into habits and again

if you don't have the basic habits down the newest latest red light device

or gadget is not going to change the game for you right like it's just not

So I think that we need to go back and ask ourselves, what are we chasing?

Why are we chasing it?

And for me, I'm more like you.

It's not about how thin am I?

Even if I look at my life, I never got into this space thinking to myself, how long will I stay alive?

I got into this space looking at from the viewpoint of disease and being like, because I lost my mom to cancer,

saying to myself that I don't want to get sick.

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I want to keep myself as healthy for as long as possible

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so that the people I love closest to me have the best version of me

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and they don't have to end up taking care of me in

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that way and it's a quality of my life it's not about quantity you know

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and I want to live the years

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that I have with the most intention with the most love

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and just be have a full life

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because that's really what's worth living for me right it's not I haven't ever looked at

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and said well I must live till 102 yeah i mean

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now come to think of it i have never thought of

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longevity in terms of i want to be i want to live the longest you're

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so right the the the thing that triggers me or the thing

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that gets me and why i'm in the space is

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because i've seen between my parents between my in -laws between

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uh you know friends of friends of friends the idea of

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if you don't take care of yourself early on

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and I'm not just talking about your health I'm talking about

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like you said really your relationships your happiness your purpose those are all part of

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that right and then on top of

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that obviously your health your the way you eat

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if you're not really taking care of yourself early on the day is going to come

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when you're 70 or 80 or 90

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and you're going to be low on energy very groggy even

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if you want to go

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and have a dinner somewhere late you're just going to say not let's just do it somewhere close to the house.

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You lose your friends because you lost your relationships because you dug yourself in work for so long.

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And then you lose your health because you haven't trained all throughout your thirties, forties, and fifties because you said you were so busy.

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And then it just catches up with you.

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My purpose for being in functional health is, is that like, I want to get to a point where when I'm older, whatever older is for me, 70 or 80, I'm independent.

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I'm self -sufficient.

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I can take care of myself and I'm wise and calm

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and happy and I have friends and my kids don't feel like I'm a liability and I could take care of myself.

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They want to come to me, you know, as opposed to they have to come to me.

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Like that is such an important thing to me.

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And that for me is longevity.

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That for me is living your best life right now.

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And it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the red light therapy and the gadget or anything.

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It really has to do with the foundation.

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I also think for any female listeners listening to the show, the number one marker.

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So women are two times more likely to develop chronic, some sort of autoimmune chronic disease after the age of 40.

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And that is because we as women have such unregulated nervous systems.

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And I promise you

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that this is going to become such a normalized conversation over the next decade

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that women are going to talk about how they don't express emotions.

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They don't express their needs.

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They suppress it.

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They hold it inside, which leads to them having more disease because they're causing themselves to be more unhappy.

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and I really think from a longevity standpoint

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if you are a woman you need to really focus on foundational health from a viewpoint of nervous system regulation

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which goes back to a lot of the quality of your

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relationships are you living in design are you living out of design are you doing something

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that really fulfills you or are you doing something for inauthentic reasons

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and we as women because we're so intuitive and we're governed by intuition

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and a lot of times we're not allowed to access that

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because society has told us hijack

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that out of us i think that's what what's really going to make women unwell

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and i've seen that with myself

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when about two years ago my inflammation was through the roof

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i was trying every iv every this i was throwing all the supplements at it

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but i was living a life that was not authentic to me

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and what i truly desired and what i wanted

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and until tracy i stepped into the truth

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and admitting what i want to live the life I want to create and the life that I wanted to live.

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No amount of anything would have reduced those inflammation markers in my body.

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And now, you know, I have to travel a lot for work.

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I'm running two different companies and scaling two businesses in two continents.

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It requires different time zones.

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Sometimes I'm not getting the right amount of sleep, but I feel I'm so much overall healthier and happier than I was even two and a half years ago.

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Right.

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I think there's some things that are in our control and some things that are not.

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And most people throw it all away because they think that one thing is not in my control.

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So it's not worth getting on a program or starting now.

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And I always say, I mean, there are a lot of moms that new moms postpartum that join my program and they're like, yeah, but I can't sleep.

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So I don't think this program is going to work for me.

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I'm like, yeah, but there's so many other things in your control.

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So if that one thing is out of your control, but you're taking care of other things, like you know what you're putting in your mouth, you're structuring your day, you're, you know, moving a little bit, you're doing your walks 10 minutes a day.

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These are, they all add up.

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So if that one thing that's out of your control, like what's happening with you right now, sleep is not at the top of your priority list because there's a lot of things happening with you,

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but you do the things that will make you feel sane, you know, throughout the rest of the course.

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So habit stacking is extremely important.

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And that's what people need to know that the little things compound over time.

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And that's essentially what makes the habits kind of stick.

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The other thing is that I think we need to remember is we don't really have control.

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Control is a little bit of an illusion.

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And they always say when you make plans, God laughs.

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And he's like, I don't think so.

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And I've experienced that so many times.

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I think if we just stop pretending that we have this deep desire to want to control things, but I think it's about giving a little bit of that up.

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And I swear to God, if we gave up that control and trusted the universe and really trusted God, we would be a lot happier and definitely a lot healthier

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and just be able to take action on what's right in front of us today

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and build from that point and know that tomorrow is not promised to anybody.

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You cannot, you know, kind of escape certain things

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that are coming you can't you know see what's coming in you have to leave

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that a little bit to the universe

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and i think personally i've had to learn this

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that in this period where you don't have all the answers

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and you don't have uh everything right in front of you

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that mystery is what co -creates the most beautiful life

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that you can imagine yeah um that's that's been a thought

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that i've been sitting with a lot lately i don't um i mean coming from a place where i thought

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that i was the source that i have to have to control everything

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because i was i've been independent since i was a kid taking care of family making sure

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that everything is handled no one can take care of me i don't have a cushion

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so when you enter this world and you spiral into it

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because yeah maybe evidently factually yeah i do have to take care of myself right

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but at as time passed I started to realize this thing that it's so much better.

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It feels so much more freeing when you give up control to God, to the universe, to energy, whatever you believe in.

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But in my case, I realized something that like, even if you think to yourself, oh, I had a deadbeat dad, or my mom passed away when I was younger, or no one took care of me.

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The truth is you have a much bigger, stronger source that is taking care of you.

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And if you just realize it and

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and allow yourself to feel like you're not alone you're truly

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not alone that's a lie culture tried to pin on us

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so that you do feel alone so that you can depend on the people

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that want you to depend on

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that want you to depend on them um they want you to feel like you're alone

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but the truth is if you just give up that control

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and you realize that i'm going to do my best

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but i know

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that i don't have you know the answers to everything i don't know where my life is headed

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but i'm going to do my best to try to go on to this course

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but for me it's god i know

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that you know have plans for me i will do what i need to do to make you proud

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and to to be your vessel and whatever i can do

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but let me do the best work i could possibly do

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and that sense when i started leaning more into that

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and this is a lot recently i don't know what it is

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but recently in the past six months since you got pregnant

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or prior um i don't know if it's when i got pregnant

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or when we started to see like the spiritual war happening with what's going on in the world.

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But it's been very scary what's happening in the world.

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And also maybe it's my instincts now, but I started leaning more into that and feeling so much calmer when I work,

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calmer when I plan or set my goals.

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It's no longer from a place of rigidity and anxiety.

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So I think it's important for people to realize you're actually not alone.

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No matter how alone you physically think you are, you really are not alone i always tell people life is not happening to you it is happening for you

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and you are not

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a byproduct of your past you decide how you want to

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show up you might have had an absentee mom a volatile uh father whatever it may be

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but you can decide how you want to show up

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and write the narrative of your future you are the architect

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so i always tell people being a victim is doing nobody any good especially yourself

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so it's all about how you look at things

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and take in information and also your outlook and i think perception

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and our mind are so our mind is just such a powerful tool

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so i think how we show up to life

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and how we present ourselves

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and look at it everything that's happened to you has shaped you into becoming the person

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that you are today i posted a story i think yesterday

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my team put up a story saying like ask me anything

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and somebody wrote there would you have done anything differently knowing all

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that you know today and i actually have to get online

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and answer that i would say absolutely not because i wouldn't be the woman that i am today without all the experiences, good or bad, that I've had.

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And from a spiritual aspect, I truly feel that our souls choose, when coming to this world, the lessons, the life, the friendships,

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the love, the loss that they need to experience.

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And that's destined for you.

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So why would you want to remove any lesson, good or bad, that has shaped you in becoming who you are today?

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I think especially the bad.

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I think the resilience that we end up building, the wisdom we build, the character we built,

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the grit, those are all not from having a lavish, beautiful life.

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It's always coming from somewhere that you had something terrible happen to you and you had to learn from it.

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So I think especially the bad we should embrace.

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Pressure is a privilege.

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I always say pressure is a privilege and it shapes us

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and it really tells us we don't know our capacity till we are pushed to the limit.

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And at that point, you are invited to meet yourself once again.

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and most people don't want to go that far because they're

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so scared what are you scared of you're scared of yourself

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and I think the most beautiful thing in life

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that you can do is show up authentically to meet you

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because once you get really comfortable with yourself expect accepting the good the bad the shadow

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and the light of you because everybody has a polarity it really liberates you

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and then from that point it allows you to show up with more courage to the life

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that you want and the life that you want to create

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and ask the universe for it because you are showing up with authenticity to you.

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Yeah.

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I didn't think of it like that, but I think to be authentic,

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you need to first get really uncomfortable to put a mirror up in your face.

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A hundred percent.

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Just to say, who are you really?

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What are your weaknesses?

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What are you afraid of?

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What's your limitation?

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Like, what you bad at what do you suck at and yeah

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if you really answer those questions are you a good person

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are you really loyal like these are hard questions to ask yourself

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but imagine you take the time to really assess actually I don't think I'm

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that good of a friend right I haven't showed up for the people in my life like I should have

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or um you know I don't do things that scare me

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because I don't want to fail like it's hard things to

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admit to yourself I've had to sit with myself several times

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and say that and it keeps me up at night a few times

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and I tell my husband like I'm really feeling shit about this.

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I know I'm not showing up for my friend the way I should have.

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And I know I'm not doing this.

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I know I'm not doing that.

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But that reality of doing the uncomfortable thing of really putting up

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that mirror in your face allows you to get authentic with yourself.

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And when you're authentic with yourself, you have a way towards growth.

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There's no way towards growth without the authenticity and without the discomfort.

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I also tell people, I think we're programmed from society especially women to want to be liked to want to be accepted

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and I always say when you get really comfortable with yourself

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and you get really authentic for example I'm known to be extremely blunt with like a lot of people

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and a lot of people are okay with it

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but some people find it really like kind of sets them off or kind of makes them uncomfortable

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and I always say we're conditioned to want to always be liked

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but what if we were conditioned to be kind

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and kindness requires truth truth and it requires accountability on your side

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but it also requires accountability from others around you and

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that is the piece that's really liberated me is like I'm

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not here to be liked by everyone I'm just not life

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is not a popularity contest I'm not here to you know go into a room

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and be like oh I just love

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that girl I don't I'm at a place I'm like

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if you like me great if you don't like me great

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because the people that I love and the people

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that I show up for and the people

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that I hold space for I know would do know who I am at my core

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but it's because I'm brutally honest

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and I can be brutally honest with myself in the same

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way um you know I was I you know you

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and I are friends kind of offline as well

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so I was I was married for five and a half years

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and um it came a point that I really asked myself am I truly happy

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and Mel Robbins says this on her her podcast she said it a lot of times games.

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The most difficult thing in life you can do is look at a person and say, this is a good person, but this is not my person.

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And that requires a lot of courage and strength to have that conversation with yourself and then ask yourself,

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well, what is it that I want and what would be my person and what do I really desire out of life?

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And to have the courage to recreate your life in your 40s, you know, as a woman in any part of the world requires strength

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and i said if i can do that with myself

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and hold myself accountable for all the choices that i have made

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and how i show up for me then i'm going to do

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that for the people who are closest to me as well right

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because otherwise i have inauthentic relationships

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and i really think people need to start getting comfortable with having not combative

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but hard conversations

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because hard conversations allow two people in business in your personal life in friendship in romantic relationships to really bond

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and see things from the other person's perspective and then hear them

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and i think hard conversations are required

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and i think we need to cut back on people pleasing

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absolutely there's a huge difference between being nice to someone

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and being kind

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and kind can sometimes be hurtful i could tell you uh

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i don't know listen iman you have something in your in your teeth

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and it's not nice you the nice thing to do is

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just to pretend like you don't see it yeah The kind thing to do is, babe, you have something in your teeth, right?

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Like, let's say, it's nice to call things for what they are, right?

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And like you, I choose to have people like this in my life.

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I really don't like niceness

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if it doesn't come at the real center of things where you're actually kind enough to tell me the truth

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when I need to hear it.

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And then you said something about the divorce.

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it is really tough to make that call

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when the person didn't obliterate you or you know cheat on you

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or hurt you or whatever it's way easier to walk out on someone

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when they've done something so wrong that it gives you ammunition

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but to walk out just

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because you feel it in your gut like maybe this is just not the right thing for me

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and then to to really be in a situation where you

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have to assess okay I'm 40 41 whatever it is

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and now I have to make the decision I'm at a

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tipping point am I going to start over at this age

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am I ever going to find love again am I ever

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going to have kids am I am I am I am I whatever those questions are especially at

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that age it's not like you're 25 it's a really tough thing

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and not just tough it's brave as hell to feel like I can

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start whatever the life is going to be what I may have been a plan

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but I might go somewhere else it maybe something else i

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might be alone for the rest of my life i might find love again whatever

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but that decision that to make that decision knowing that it's not the right thing for you

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saves people from all the old marriages

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that we've seen where people are bickering grandparents are bickering to

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the last day their last breath they hate each other they sleep in separate bedrooms on paper

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because they're married on paper like what do you want do

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you want to find the do you want a shot at being happy again

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or do you want to just be married is marriage happiness

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or is being happy happiness you know whether it's alone

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or whether it's compatibility yeah yeah i think

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when people women especially look at relationships

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so have you heard of the gotman institute no

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so the gotman institute is a leading research center in the u .s it's run by a husband

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and wife and they do the research on love and relationships

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so a lot of the research

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that comes out around love relationships couple is done by this pair

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and so it's a gotman institute they're really incredible I'm actually looking forward to bringing them onto my show in the fall.

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And they have no research and said that 68 % of the reason that couples bicker with each other.

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Oh, you didn't turn off the TV.

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You didn't do this.

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Oh, you're sleeping in a, that stuff will never change.

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So when you meet a partner, you have to look at their habits and you have to look at your value system.

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And you have to see that the life that you want to create, the life that you desire, the life

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that you have walked into this earth to create for yourself is this person going to walk alongside with you

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and co -create that life or ask you to step back from your dreams

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and desires and your vision

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which always in the long term will make you resentful of course

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and i think that is how we should be evaluating partners

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and relationships whether you're in a marriage whether you have kids whether you don't have kids

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or you're meeting somebody

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or dating like i'm in my 40s now right to walk into the room

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and understand that it's value systems you have to be aligned in

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that space and you have to be aligned on the life

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that you both want to co -create together and the roles

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and responsibilities that come with that with authenticity but

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because most people are

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so scared to even meet themselves they lie to themselves they

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say yes to things they don't really mean they say okay

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but i can make myself smaller but i'll not do this

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but i'll not do that But that's not genuine and true relationships do require sacrifice

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but you have to be clear about the degree of

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that sacrifice and what that means to you and if

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that means being in a relationship that you would have to give up your dreams

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and desires of the life

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that you would like to create then that's not the right relationship for you right at any age

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absolutely it doesn't matter if you're 23 24 25 and i remember

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when i had you on my podcast we spoke about how like you

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and your husband met and you started to build a life together and you saw a great man that had amazing potential, but he also had great habits.

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A lot of women, a lot of times just look at the potential

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and they do not look at the habits and they project their fantasies onto a partner and are delusional going into it.

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You're not going to change somebody.

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The habits that they have is the habits that they have.

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So if you're with somebody who is, let's say a party animal and loves to party instead of focus on his career in his twenties and thirties, right?

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He's not disciplined honey

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that discipline is not going to re -emerge out of thin air in his 40s right

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that is a habit that man is signaling to you

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that this is my priority in life

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but you can also meet somebody in their 20s and 30s

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and say we i haven't made it but i am very driven

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and ambitious or you can meet somebody in their 40s who's had it

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and lost it all but is willing to remake it again

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because they have the discipline you need to look at those value systems

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and that is what you are marrying on both ends yeah it's

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when times get tough how is this person going to show up male

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or female how are they going to show up are they

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going to crumble are they not going to be able to handle it

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because life is not linear relationships are not linear i'm trying to think

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if i completely agree with

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that i think people do change right i don't think you can change anybody

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but i think people are forever evolving

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but the anchoring habit has to be someone who is after growth right

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so you may be a party animal in your 20s

439

but in your 30s you grew out of it you'd stop

440

drinking you don't feel like doing anything you know wild anymore

441

uh then you mess up with your finances in your 20s

442

but in your 30s you become very responsible

443

so there's ways where people do grow it's not like

444

if you were that in your 20s i'm sure that's uh

445

but just but a lot of men even in their 30s have not outgrown

446

that they have like in america especially men can make a lot of money be successful

447

but they have peter pan syndrome right yeah so if a man is like 50 something

448

and he's decided i've never i've never been married i don't

449

want the responsibility of kids you're not going to walk in

450

and change him he's 50 years have gone by he's made a decision

451

but do you think so do you think there's not the possibility of him meeting a woman

452

and finally saying wow okay i men i think

453

when it comes to how we approach love as a species men

454

and women are very different women can a man gets married

455

or signs up for something because he is ready not

456

because the right woman walked in right it's

457

because he thinks i'm now ready i want to commit i

458

want to do things that's how men do it women wait

459

for the right person we're different we're wired differently our mechanisms are different as humans

460

and i think that's the intrinsic difference is women try to

461

expect men to be like us not looking at things from their pov

462

and they a lot of men try to you know make women think like them we're different

463

and we need to understand

464

that women we have a body clock you know we think of different things

465

and we can for example fall in love over time a

466

man pretty quickly after meeting you will decide what category is

467

putting you in is this somebody who i'm going to seriously

468

consider as a for a serious potential for marriage is this

469

a casual forling is this a friend they decide a bracket that they put you in

470

and women can fall in love over time

471

so i don't think i think a 50 year old

472

if you're listening to this and you're in your 40s

473

and you meet a 50 year old guy who's never been

474

married never had kids please don't sign up to like try

475

to change his mind unless he says to you right in the beginning actually I thought about it

476

and I would like to co -create a life with somebody

477

and have a life partner unless he says it

478

but don't go into it thinking you're going to change him

479

yeah Tracy the amount of girlfriends I have close friends who've lost years seven eight nine years only only, I'm going to marry you,

480

I'm going to get engaged, I'll marry you, to only end up with, this is not for me, and you were forcing me.

481

So that's why I tell people, look, when you walk in, especially when you're getting to know somebody, walk in authentically as you, with your needs and dreams and desires,

482

and allow them the space, don't judge them, allow them the room, because men are actually really, men are more scared of us than we are of them, they're so scared of rejection,

483

give them the room to tell you who they are yeah

484

and it doesn't mean everybody you get to know has to

485

become a romantic partner some people just make amazing friends yeah

486

and if they feel

487

that they're not going to be judged they will most likely be more honest i feel like

488

when you're in a relationship

489

the way to have a lasting long relationship i mean i net net

490

while and i have been together I would say 10 to 12 years, married five of them, okay?

491

I feel like the first while I dated at the very beginning of a relationship, it's different to our engaged phase is very different to who he is now.

492

And I feel it coming is very different to the man he's going to be.

493

I know he's going to be so different in his fifties.

494

I think the ultimate truth is that if you are able to realize

495

that you're not married to the same guy for the rest of your life, he is not married to the same girl for the rest of his life.

496

I am forever changing I'm forever growing

497

and the real goal is to continue to learn how to

498

fall in love with the forever changing version of your partner

499

as opposed to trying to keep them who they were you've

500

changed you were not like this five years ago you have

501

you used to be like this now you're not like this

502

you used to love this way now you don't love this way doing that and hindering

503

someone's growth

504

which is is a is meant to be what we're we're doing we're meant to change we're meant to grow

505

if you keep if you're the person that never changes

506

and you're hindering your partner's growth

507

because you want them to love you the way they loved you

508

when you were 25 or uh you know to do the romantic things

509

that they did then or to have the same um you know uh ambitions

510

or or hobbies

511

that they had back then you used to love skiing now

512

you don't go skiing maybe he wants to do something else maybe he wants golfing

513

so I mean I can't tell you how much I've grown

514

if I just see who I was in my 20s I

515

mean I was an idiot in my 20s in many ways

516

and now I'm so proud of who I am hitting 40 soon

517

and I see Wael forever changing how he loves me

518

and admiring who I am and giving me the space to grow into the woman

519

that I want to be

520

and loving who I'm growing into it's almost like he's curious to see who else is she going to be

521

and loving this new version of me and

522

and take coming along the ride with me as I am doing for him

523

so I do believe people change in relationships I do believe there's room for growth

524

and you just have to have that mentality of change because

525

if I were stuck in a relationship where my husband doesn't want to change he's stuck in his ways

526

and I'm forever changing problem and vice versa

527

so you're either both going to be complacent people

528

and you'll probably do fine or you're both going to be forever growing people

529

and you'll do fine but the idea is to the secret to a relationship

530

that lasts long is to accept the changing version of your partner for as long as it takes

531

and to love them throughout but what you're also describing in

532

while and only you be able to answer

533

that is a very deeply confident and a very deeply grounded man correct

534

but that was him in his 20s as well maybe not the way he shows up now

535

but that foundation not as but the confidence He was much more insecure in our relationship than he is today.

536

Absolutely.

537

But I think I didn't give him security then either.

538

So maybe it was my fault too.

539

But it's a two -way thing.

540

Yeah.

541

But there's certain things, certain traits that people have 100 % where, by the way, we as a species are here to evolve and grow.

542

If you are not growing, you are dying.

543

You have to evolve, shift, and change.

544

Women tend to evolve, shift, and change a little bit faster and more than men because our hormones kind of come into play, spirituality, different things happen.

545

You know, our friend groups kind of push us in that direction.

546

And sometimes men don't evolve at our pace, which is absolutely fine.

547

But from a foundational aspect, certain attributes from a value system, not habits, value system have to already be there.

548

Correct.

549

You are not going to change at any age a man's value systems because those are preset from childhood.

550

Habits can evolve and change.

551

Values cannot.

552

Correct so you are going to marry and you should marry their value systems

553

and know that this man is going to evolve

554

and change as his career goes up as his life changes as he travels more maybe he whatever happens

555

but the values is a foundation of who he is absolutely i think

556

if i were to reflect on on why he's always been loyal always been straightforward always been sensitive always

557

needed connection he could have lost his way in his 20s partied habits did whatever and then

558

but if you remove all of that

559

because that's just a habit for a phase in your life

560

he's back to the guy who's always going to be loyal

561

always going to be uh care about family show up for you yeah he is

562

that guy in the essence if I know him from

563

when he was a teenager

564

so luckily I have eyeballs on who he used to be back then

565

and I realized you're so right values always stay no matter how your habits change throughout right

566

so that's that's actually quite interesting I don't know how your

567

history was like where you come from were you always in

568

the longevity space were you you know not really taking care of your health back then

569

because we're both at the same right millennia

570

so I had it was twofold I've always I was always

571

a sickly child I've been super sick since I was young my mom's like you're always unwell well.

572

I was always on antibiotics.

573

I'm surprised antibiotics even work on me because, you know, most of us have antibiotic fatigue.

574

We have antibiotic like resistance.

575

I was raised on so many antibiotics.

576

I was always sick.

577

That was a narrative.

578

You're a sickly child.

579

You're always sick.

580

You're super delicate.

581

You're always going to get sick.

582

I'm like, this cannot be my life.

583

So I had reoccurring ovarian cysts to the point that one of my ovaries is completely reoperated, restructured and really, really painful.

584

So I was put on birth control at a really young age and I would suffer from extreme migraines, extreme fatigue.

585

And I think it was 2019 that before the pandemic

586

that I was introduced to a functional medicine doctor who's still a really dear friend of mine.

587

And I still go to him in Miami beach.

588

And he made me completely relook at my health.

589

So I was estrogen dominant.

590

A woman who's estrogen dominant does not need to be put on birth control at all.

591

And birth control use over time strips you off your minerals and your nutrients.

592

And it's really bad for you actually over a long course of time.

593

And I'd been on birth control for like, let's say 15 years at this stage.

594

The men got me off birth control.

595

I had candida and SIBO.

596

He kind of cleaned up my body, which is essentially if anybody listening, it's yeast and it's really not good for your gut.

597

Brought down my inflammatory markers, recalibrated me through different supplements, peptides even back then, IVs, all of this stuff.

598

And I started feeling human again.

599

And because I'd been sick on and off for so long, I didn't know what it felt like to feel good.

600

Tracy, I've never got a migraine ever again.

601

I used to get such bad migraines.

602

I couldn't get out of bed for like a couple of days.

603

And I realized I'm not that sickly child.

604

Actually, I don't really get, thank God, mashallah, I don't get sick at all now.

605

But that was a narrative that was told to me.

606

So that kind of made me curious.

607

And that kind of introduced me actually to a lot of Dave Asprey's work.

608

I started reading a lot of his books and got in touch with him.

609

And so that biohacking interest started.

610

And then in 2020, we went through the pandemic and I went down,

611

you know, Joe Rogan's kind of rabbit holes and was listening to what then was deemed as controversial misinformation, which now we know was not really, you know, that was the truth.

612

And I stood my ground on a certain things around

613

that time and then my mother in 2022 had come you know she was in remission she was doing much better

614

and she got the vaccine and things did not go so well

615

and she died in a really painful way she died within 90 days she went into a medical coma

616

and just seeing this woman who was vibrant and full of life

617

and strong and just

618

so independent just not be able to even get out of

619

bed she had cancer fluid all over her body I'm like this is not life

620

and I think that pushed me into the industry.

621

Because by that point, I'd spent about 22 years between living in Dubai, in London, in the US.

622

I've been in America for 14 years now, building luxury brands and fashion, design, retail.

623

That's all I knew was the luxury world.

624

I said, what if I changed the lens and built brands in health

625

and wellness and voices and products and technology that really helps people connect back to themselves and really helps people heal?

626

And so I was a little bit of an early adapter that took a chance in the space.

627

I remember telling my team at the time, which was obviously a different team they were like what do you mean you want to get into health

628

and wellness they're like not that many brands in the space

629

because it was a very crunchy industry the money had not

630

come in the leveled up branding the product technologies really evolved since

631

that point so my introduction to the industry has been one of personal pain

632

or grief and trying to heal that grief

633

and trying to understand the wine understand the human

634

because i was like i'm not a doctor i'm not going

635

back to medical school the best thing i can do is support people who are the authority

636

and i really think they're giving out the right information

637

and products and brands

638

and that's where we're very discerning at the agency we really

639

kind of vet our clients a lot of people apply to us we won't work with them

640

or if we're working with them

641

and we think we're not aligned we will fire people we'll be like we don't want to work with you

642

because the money is not more important than our integrity for for me it doesn't weigh out

643

and so we are discerning with who we work with

644

and we do our due diligence and the information

645

that these people are putting out

646

and then from my standpoint wanting to get into media

647

and podcasting and speaking to different people is

648

because I wanted to offer people an alternative with how they look at their health

649

and you don't have to listen to every episode

650

and agree with my guest or me and how I live my life

651

but I always say my motto is curiosity heals the more curious you are you will find the answers

652

and that's all want to do is just open up your mind to take in new information

653

and what you do with

654

that information is completely up to you do you think um success has i mean you know i mean i

655

and you've achieved so much right

656

and in your business you're now running two huge companies um do you feel like this forever

657

chasing of success and you being a high achiever will ever land you fulfillment

658

or happiness or do you always feel like the next big thing is what you're what you're after

659

so a lot of entrepreneurs we are all driven by trauma

660

because it takes a lot of grit to wake up every day

661

and get punched in the face

662

and tell yourself I'm gonna do it all over again not everybody is meant to be an entrepreneur

663

and a founder and some people thrive just being in a nine -to -five in

664

that structure so I very much am aware this is very much a trauma response

665

but I'm very aware of how I don't let

666

that fully run everything in my life I feel

667

that you know I have two different businesses IIT's been around for five

668

and a half years it's now running in three countries where

669

US UK Middle East based with about a team of almost 20 people

670

and very seasoned experienced incredible human beings and recently we're actually have a new incoming MD and I said to myself,

671

Iman, if you want to, you're a founder and CEO of both these companies, you literally have no time to yourself.

672

How the hell are you going to make time for a partner?

673

My schedule, you look at it, Tracy, from 10 in the morning to 8 p .m at night, it's slotted with time slots.

674

And I thought to myself, like, how am I asking to meet somebody and co -create a life when I have no space in it?

675

So I very consciously, to your question, have said, I need to be able to have the ability to step back

676

and give somebody else the ability who I think would have great leadership

677

and really can give this agency what it needs in the

678

next evolution the ability to stand behind next to me

679

and co -create

680

so we're bringing somebody else into to this company to step

681

in kind of like be in the role to eventually make ceo

682

so i can step out and it's because i've looked back i stood back

683

and said this drive

684

that i have right i also need to put it inwards

685

to be able to nurture myself i can't always do it external go go go go go

686

because i'm going to burn myself out

687

and my other company which is bmg which is our media company

688

and our network that we're building right now

689

and we have been raising capital for is where i'm deploying a lot of my time my attention

690

and all that but i'm very conscious to make sure

691

that i'm doing it obviously giving externally but also keeping my internal world

692

and desires and things in check because

693

when you are a high performer there's no horizon nothing is

694

like enough right you keep on wanting to get through it

695

and i always remind myself to appreciate the now realize the accomplishments

696

that i have had to ground myself in those

697

because five years ago i would have dreamed to even be here

698

so that is a reality check

699

and a lot of high performers just are constantly searching for

700

the next dopamine hit you need to be grounded enough

701

and i feel like i at least am practical

702

and grounded enough to go back and say i'm even happy

703

that i got to this point you know i'm even here is a massive accomplishment.

704

I feel like maybe sometimes I'd be lying to myself if I say I felt that way all the time, because you're absolutely right.

705

There are so many times where I have to slap myself to say, Tracy, six months ago, you prayed to be able to have

706

so -and -so number of people on your program to be able to help this many women.

707

And now you're like, but it's not enough.

708

I need to give more.

709

I need to do more.

710

It's not enough.

711

It's not enough and this feeling of it's not enough, it's hard to shake on a day -to -day basis.

712

I wake up every day thinking about what else can I do?

713

How better can I grow this?

714

What more can I do?

715

What markets can I get into?

716

Okay, it's fine.

717

I have this market.

718

Now I want the US.

719

Now I have the US.

720

Now I want that.

721

I mean, it's very difficult being a high achiever and loving what you're doing, not to always want more.

722

And the only thing that I find

723

that helps me your grounds me is my meditation

724

and my prayer in the morning to always just for a minute to say remember what you're grateful for

725

and it's not just my work i have to say on the about my basics a husband

726

that supports me a home

727

that makes me feel safe the air condition in the house

728

like little things like this i have to just say we have to be grateful for these little things

729

but i'm always struggling with this fight of

730

when is enough enough i mean i want to to achieve all of my goals uh

731

but i want to do it in the in the with the most grace possible

732

so there's it's just very difficult

733

and i don't think we'll ever fully be fully in balance

734

right like at the end of the day like i am a high achiever

735

and i'm very driven

736

and i have i almost have this attitude either you can come along with me

737

or you better get out of my way like i'm getting there one way

738

or the other right i have this like thing to be like i'm gonna get there

739

and i'm gonna figure out

740

and no for example does not exist in my vocabulary you

741

can say no to me i'm still gonna go figure it out i'll take a different path

742

but i'm still getting to my destination one way or the other

743

but i'm learning to enjoy not the destination but the journey because the lessons the growth both the gratitude, the accomplishments,

744

are not in the destination it is the little things along the way

745

that are shaping me into the woman that i'm becoming

746

and building a life that i want to look back

747

and be super proud of and grateful for

748

and not allowing my ambition to take over to the point

749

that i have no capacity for the people that i love of course and

750

that for me is very very important i have a very

751

small private circle i'm actually i think people get this impression of me online

752

that i'm actually very extroverted I'm I'm actually not

753

that extroverted I think we spoke about this at dinner I

754

prefer more intimate gatherings I prefer more one -on -ones I'm

755

actually very the more I get busy with work the more curated I get

756

and closed off I'm getting with my personal life

757

so I actually give very few people access to me at this stage

758

but I never ever want anybody I love

759

and care about to think I will not pick up their call

760

or I will not be there for them or

761

if they need me I would not drop what it is to go be there for them.

762

So that is something that is very important for me, for the people in my life, friends, family, my nieces, my nephews, to know that if they need me,

763

I will 100 % show up no matter how busy I am.

764

Self -esteem is a reputation you have with yourself.

765

This is something I've seen recently, Naval Ravikant say.

766

Do you think a lot of people

767

that are successful don't necessarily have good self -esteem because they don't keep the right promises to themselves?

768

or does success come because you have to love yourself

769

and do the thing behind the scenes

770

and keep the promises to yourself behind the scenes in order for you to be successful

771

or could you find success as a facade a lot of

772

successful people are deeply insecure again a lot of entrepreneurs have a lot of trauma

773

that drives them to show up every day kicked in the face

774

and do it all over again right it's an unregulated nervous system it is a trauma response

775

and that comes from a place of luck and

776

so a lot of people have a facade you you meet some people

777

and they're so successful and you're like wow you know you're

778

that that person that i idolize and stuff

779

and everybody deep down inside had a lot of them have

780

that deep down insecurity am i really good enough am i imposter for example i'm terrified of public speaking terrified

781

and um i'm going to stock home this weekend to to moderate for superhuman

782

and people are like but you're great at it i was like Yeah, but it makes me extremely anxious and I don't always think I'm great at it.

783

So yes, I think successful people, all deep down inside, everybody does, has a form of some sort of insecurity.

784

Confidence is built over time with the promises that you keep to yourself.

785

But more than that, it is the ability to accept your gifts and your flaws.

786

You're not perfect.

787

You're never going to be perfect.

788

If you were perfect, you wouldn't be here your soul is here to experience lessons

789

and to learn and evolve and grow

790

so give yourself some grace do you think you can still

791

be successful without being confident without uh having self respect no

792

because i think even

793

if you fake confidence it is the energy you bring into

794

a room we are energetic beings we spoke about this right

795

so when you spoke about this when it comes to women

796

and raising capital i think how you come across

797

and how you present yourself energetically and being well -spoken or articulate

798

and just energetically how you show up is half half of the game is just one over there

799

so you know in the u .s they always say

800

and they say you know women only get two percent of vc capital

801

and so much harder to raise money as a woman

802

but we are programming women to believe

803

that yes less with less females go out

804

and actually ask to raise capital but i was raising capital

805

and i did not encounter that it's because i believe in myself I believe in my company, I believe in my vision,

806

I show up prepared, and I'm willing to take whatever questions you have openly

807

and answer them and probe into my business model.

808

So I think that confidence is definitely very important.

809

You don't have to be, and confidence isn't linked to being right.

810

You have to accept that confidence, you may be wrong, but that's also confident in saying, I may be wrong, but it's okay.

811

Confidence isn't having all the answers it's being self -assured in yourself

812

and knowing that

813

if i'm wrong i will apologize i will course correct i can change it's the flexibility in your nature

814

that allows you to be confident i think in this world of social media

815

or or building a brand online

816

or publicly people hold you accountable for what your thoughts

817

and your opinions five years ago and the dumb thing is

818

that they expect you never to change them and

819

if you do change them they think you're flip -flop they crucify you yeah

820

which is such bullshit because at the end of the day i mean

821

if you own it

822

and then you say by the way i used to think

823

that's a train person exactly i used to think training six

824

times a week was the right thing to do yeah sorry for whoever i told

825

that too but i just learned that this and this

826

and this for example or it's to self -correct

827

and to publicly do

828

that i think we've we're seeing this a lot recently with a lot of people's opinion changing um

829

around you know on politics on on geopolitics on things like

830

that and they said i used to think this way

831

and now i think this way and people get people bash them for it um

832

but i think if you're just grounded enough and and and you

833

and you live your life after truth looking for truth rather than to be liked like we said

834

or just to be nice

835

or just to be accepted uh that's the right way to go

836

when you asked about confidence i think it's also important to

837

can you be successful without being confident also are you confident

838

online are you confident in reality in you exactly you know by yourself by yourself in your true essence

839

because a lot of people show up extremely confident online

840

but off camera they're not the same person

841

so i think confidence is what you carry day in

842

and day out when you're alone

843

and it is built on the promises you make yourself

844

but it's also built on the loss and the lessons

845

and the ability to say I messed up but I'm gonna course correct

846

and I'm gonna make this better that builds confidence in you

847

because they're like I messed this up this was a flop

848

this idea sucked I didn't do this right okay I'm never gonna do

849

that again and you learn and you build from there

850

because that's a learning that you have so do not be scared of failure

851

because I think failure breeds confidence the more times you fail

852

and you get back up and you teach your body

853

and your mind I can redo this I got it I can figure it out

854

that builds confidence i think what has changed for me

855

when i was younger versus now is how i look at problems

856

when i was younger the the stressors

857

that used to come out of me like the anxiety of like i'm facing this problem with my boss

858

or i got fired

859

or i don't know how to solve this it came with sleepless nights anxiety

860

and and almost like paralysis and victimhood

861

and as i grew older the it changed completely to the

862

how do I solve this one you know like this is

863

so interesting no okay now we're in this hurdle how do

864

I solve it now in this hurdle how do I solve it

865

and it all came with a bunch of failures

866

so my approach without me noticing it's not like I sat

867

and said okay now I'm going to be this kind of

868

person it was more like I think with with time

869

and experience it helped me realize

870

that okay cool like this is interesting how the hell do

871

I build this brand from here to here now like I

872

got it here now how do I build it from here

873

to here as opposed to I need help I'm stuck I'm gonna fall apart I'm gonna fall apart it's

874

so important I think mine that's all about mindset I feel like every hurdle

875

that you experience in life or every problem you have in your business

876

because everyone's gonna have them or in your personal life

877

or your friendships is just teaching you a different skill set

878

and that skill set is setting you up for the life of your dreams

879

that you're asking the universe for and it's just creating the foundational work for you

880

so i look at everything from that point of view and

881

when something comes up rather than be like shit that

882

but let's say this person i want to get this deal

883

done this person's being extremely difficult they're not agreeing on this

884

but i do think this is the best way to go about it

885

so i was thinking to myself i was like how would i reframe this to a client

886

or to a creator that we're working with or a personality

887

that we work with to reframe

888

and be like listen this is the pros is the cons whatever it is negotiation

889

so it's all about teaching me something new right

890

and it's all preparing me for the next evolution of who i'm going to become

891

so i look at everything good bad the ugly as as a gift yeah

892

which i need to learn in order to develop a certain

893

skill set yeah i think the goal is to rack up

894

certain skill sets across the board like the skill set of

895

patience it's not just business skill sets like how do you do sales

896

and marketing it's the skill sets of negotiation patience good having difficult conversations and

897

when you rack those up by the time you're older old

898

whatever now you're more you're shifting towards you know raising children

899

or or uh you know how to deal with your spouse like there's a lot of things

900

that you can learn from the skill sets

901

that are built along the way so if you're sitting in that in

902

that situation you're older you had your whole life what needs

903

to be true for you to feel like you lived your life well what needs to be true for me

904

that i live my life while is living a life

905

that was lived with authenticity to me and i'm created a life

906

which is built for me in this chapter that i'm in

907

and again you evolve with every single chapter i'm in a chapter of my life

908

that family is very important to me at the center of what i'm building understanding and who I am,

909

authentic relationships, the ability to choose who I work with, how I work with them, that ability of choice.

910

And when I do have the time, where am I putting that time and resources?

911

So if I look back in my life, let's say I'm 90 years old and I look back and I said, I really was able to give to the people that I love my time,

912

my presence, because a lot of us are there

913

but we're not really there

914

so to be present in their company to be able to be present for their their celebrations

915

and their losses and hold that space for them for me is a life well lived

916

and a life that was lived with integrity And by integrity, when I look at business, right, and I look at like things,

917

I always say there are four things that are kind of non -negotiable.

918

Or if you're investing in a founder, whatever it may be, grit, the ability to get back up and do it again and again and again.

919

Vision, you have to have vision without vision, but with vision without execution, you're going nowhere.

920

Flexibility, do not be rigid.

921

because rigidity is essentially you haven't like we said in the

922

beginning of the show you have no control over certain things

923

be flexible allow life to work with you to adapt with

924

you have flexibility around your relationships don't make assumptions about people

925

ask them give them the ability to explain themselves don't court -martial somebody

926

and be like well they did this

927

and i think this is why they did give the ability to have

928

that hard conversation allow them to speak to you so

929

that flexibility and four is integrity do everything with integrity and

930

when you operate i think from those four fundamentals

931

and i look back at my life

932

and i said i was able to accomplish

933

that in my life for me that is a life well lived

934

and is there something that you know now

935

that is a truth a wake -up call that might disappoint your younger self that dreamer that girl that was more naive?

936

Is there something you know now that kind of might disappoint your younger self?

937

100%.

938

Stop projecting your fantasy and how you want people to be.

939

Allow people to be who they are and decide

940

if you're going to love them as they are because you are not going to change somebody.

941

And stop trying to want the upper hand to control somebody.

942

Real love, real authentic connection real relationships are two people coming together

943

and the ability so that love a lot of times

944

that we desire and that connection and

945

that life partner is a same the other side of

946

that same coin is the ability to get deeply hurt to get deeply wounded to be betrayed

947

and i have done a very good job of protecting myself to the point

948

that i come across very warm and like welcoming

949

but I've always been very guarded and I'm now realizing

950

that I need in order to achieve

951

that level of connection love in a romantic relationship I need to let my guard down

952

and vulnerability is not a skill set

953

that is easy for me I don't allow that I don't allow myself

954

that space always and so stop projecting your fantasies onto other people you want

955

and see people for who they are

956

because people show you who they are believe it

957

and then ask yourself am I willing to love you as you are

958

and will that work with who I am and

959

if not that's also okay because that doesn't mean that person doesn't belong in your life in some other way

960

so it's called what they don't tell us is there something

961

that you want to say that has been on your mind

962

that may help people out there who you could tell the

963

truth to what they don't tell us What's the reality of things?

964

What don't they tell us?

965

I think we've covered this kind of throughout the show, but I think a lot of women don't sometimes want to

966

have a really honest conversation with ourselves about what makes us truly happy versus what society

967

and our families and all have conditioned us of what happiness is.

968

And I think we are living in this internal tug of war with who we truly are as us, as Tracy, as Iman,

969

not because of my parents and not because I was raised in a certain society or religion or ethnic group,

970

but who I truly am and what I need to be happy as Iman today and what society expects of me.

971

And that is a conversation that we can only have with ourselves.

972

And it goes back to that whole thing that we've spoken about, about getting really intimate and raw with ourselves

973

and you may come out of

974

that conversation saying i do not today have the capacity to

975

change my reality my reality is my reality this is where i am

976

but when you allow yourself to have that awareness then later down the line

977

or yours online you have the ability to start see slowly co -creating a little bit of

978

that life of what truly makes you happy thank you man loved having you on the show thank you

979

so much for having me tracy

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221 sentences

Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This video has 978 sentences and 12061 words to shadow. The speech runs for 59:43. The speaker talks fast, about 202 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
habit noun	/ˈhæb.ɪt/	An action performed on a regular basis.
chase verb	/t͡ʃeɪs/	To follow at speed.
skill noun	/skɪl/	A capacity to do something well; a technique, an ability, usually acquired or learned, as opposed to abilities that are regarded as innate.
evolve verb	/ɪˈvɑlv/	To move (something) in regular procession through a system.
longevity noun	/lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/	The quality of being long-lasting, especially of life.
authentic adjective	/ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/	Of the same origin as claimed; genuine.
lesson noun	/ˈlɛs.ən/	A section of learning or teaching into which a wider learning content is divided.
deeply adverb	/ˈdi(ː)pli/	To a deep extent or degree; very greatly.
happiness noun	/ˈhæpinɪs/	The emotion of being happy; joy; elation.
integrity noun	/ɪnˈtɛɡɹəti/	Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
antibiotic noun	/ˌæn.taɪ.baɪˈɑ.tɪk/	Any substance that can destroy or inhibit the growth of bacteria and similar microorganisms, generally transported by the lymphatic system.
romantic adjective	/ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/	Fantastic, unrealistic (of an idea etc.); fanciful, sentimental, impractical (of a person).
solve verb	/sɒlv/	To find an answer or solution to a problem or question; to work out.
marry verb	/ˈmæɹi/	To enter into the conjugal or connubial state; to take a husband or a wife.
functional adjective	/ˈfʌŋkt͡ʃənəl/	In good working order.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
show up verb		To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically.
give up verb		To surrender (someone or something); to inform on (someone).
figure out verb		To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
get out of verb		To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.
wake up verb	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	To stop sleeping; to awake.
come across verb		To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition.
end up verb		To bring to a conclusion.
fall apart verb		To disintegrate, to break into pieces.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
“Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true	used to be · used to love · used to get
Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result	if they need me I would not · If you were perfect, you wouldn't be · if i'm wrong i will apologize
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on	i've been sitting · have been raising
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	haven't ever looked · has been · we've come

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 369 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, you're, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/, thin /ˈθɪn/, ethnic /ˈɛθ.nɪk/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, destination /dɛstɪˈneɪʃən/, inflammation /ɪnfləˈmeɪ̯ʃən/, evolution /ˌiːvəˈluːʃ(ə)n/
Long words — get the stress right: longevity /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/, integrity /ɪnˈtɛɡɹəti/, antibiotic /ˌæn.taɪ.baɪˈɑ.tɪk/, flexibility /ˌflɛksɪˈbɪlɪti/, authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like habit, chase, skill.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: A Longer Life Isn't a Better One — Iman Hasan on Longevity and the Optimization Trap - Learn English Speaking with Video

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