Shadowing Practice: How to Speed Run Getting Cancer - Goblins Guide - Learn English Speaking with Video

So you need to get cancer and fast.

Maybe you've dreamed of dying a slow painful death since childhood or maybe you're just bored in one attention.

Well I hate to break it to you but those microplastics and carcinogens you've been guzzling just won't cut it.

But don't worry as a content creator it's my responsibility to ensure my viewers are constantly exposed to cancer.

So today I'll be showing you how to give yourself cancer as fast as possible.

Cancer happens when a cell loses its moral compass and reproduces uncontrollably like a Catholic bunny on molly.

But to get there, you'll need to mutate your cell's DNA.

Now normally that takes years of aging, but we don't have time for all that, so let's expedite the process with a buffet of carcinogens.

Smoking is a great way to look badass, but did you know it's also a leading cause of lung cancer?

Smokers are 25 times more likely to develop lung cancer than non -smoking losers.

So I suggest you start chain -smoking menthols as soon as possible.

They're better than your standard reds because they numb your throat, allowing a deeper inhale.

Doctors even used to recommend menthols to relieve stress and treat asthma, but the sober tards over at the FDA had to come in with their clipboards and science.

Luckily, they haven't ruined alcohol yet.

A great way to shorten your life and boost your risk of cancer is regular alcohol consumption.

When you drink, your body converts alcohol into acetataldehyde, which is basically paint thinner for your DNA, but tastes slightly worse.

Acetataldehyde is more toxic than alcohol, so our livers turn booze into something worse than what it started with.

Great job, Evolution!

Slamming four locos doesn't just ruin your chance at employment, it can mess up your DNA, causing mutations that slow cell repair but

if you're constantly binge drinking you're more susceptible to drunk driving overdosing

and suicide which would end the cancer speed run on a technicality i suggest going easy on alcohol

if you're going for a pure cancer build

and focus on other carcinogens to make up the difference for

example processed meats are a great alternative in 2015 the world

health organization classified processed meats as a group one carcinogen that puts hot dogs on the same list as cigarettes and uranium,

which are the three things a growing boy needs.

Bacon, ham, and deli meats are coated with preservatives that turn into nitrosamines when cooked, and because that word has a bunch of syllables, it's considered a carcinogen.

With that being said, make sure you are eating as much gas station food as possible

while supplementing soylent and vegetables with red 40 Mountain Dew.

Pairing a poor diet without exercise will drastically increase your risk of cancer, But you were probably already doing that.

But if you want to make your situation way worse, doctors recommend playing ranked Counter -Strike and eating chicken nuggets all day.

Your body will become a beautiful, fertile garden in which the only thing that grows is tumors.

More fat cells means more estrogen means more inflammatory chemicals that can develop into breast, pancreatic, and colon cancer.

Non -processed meats can still be carcinogenic if you fry, smoke, or char them since they'll contain polyacilic aromatic hydrocarbons and heterocelic amines.

That's over 19 syllables.

Uh, well, at least you're drinking water safe.

The great people over at DuPont made a beautiful product called Teflon that can be found everywhere, even in your own blood.

Coincidentally, Teflon is known to cause cancer and was thrown into every product, including water, possibly as a joke.

Now, this kind of upset the entire world, so they did a rebrand to PFOA, which also caused cancer.

And now, they're on their third rebrand, Gen X.

New name, same cancer.

There's hundreds of megacorporations rapidly diluting our food, water, and air with chemicals.

I suggest moving to an area around one of these chemical manufacturers to ensure you're getting the most contaminated water as possible.

Whoa.

Better yet, work at one of these factories.

That way, you can inhale as many horrible fumes as you want.

Blending water with plastic can make a fantastic microplastic cocktail.

And if you can't afford a blender, don't worry.

Our entire water supply is already irreversibly filled with microplastics and forever chemicals that have made their way into our bloodstream.

While you might think our world has only recently become a fish tank loaded with carcinogens, it's been this way for over a century.

The 1900s introduced amazing products like leaded gasoline, x -ray machines for fitting shoes, and Adam Sandler.

Oh, and asbestos, which was practically seasoning back then.

Hey, sweetheart, the steak's pretty dry and awful.

Frankly, also, I hate you.

Can you pass the asbestos?

Oh, honey, you can get it yourself if it's next to the x -ray machine.

Hi, Dad.

X -rays pass through soft tissues but get absorbed by dense materials like your bones.

But they can also knock electrons off of atoms in a process called ionization.

This creates charged particles that can wreak havoc inside your cells.

Even non -ionized waves can cause problems.

For example, the sun blasts UV rays at our skin that excites electrons and breaks down chemical bonds.

So, throw away your sunscreen and head on down to your nearest nude beach.

For any aspiring supervillains out there, you could simply destroy the electromagnetosphere that protects Earth from cosmic rays.

This can only be done if you cool down the Earth's core, which generates the magnetosphere.

You could do this by either pumping trillions of gallons of liquid nitrogen into the core, or crashing a planet into the Earth.

You could also just move to a planet without an electromagnetosphere like Venus or Mars, but that's a little less fun.

I know a lot of you guys aren't big fans of the sun.

It's too bright and it's kind of condescending.

So tanning booths can be used instead here.

They actually emit 15 times more UV radiation than the sun.

Now, I typically don't care for microtransactions like this, but if you're really committed to cancer maxing, it's kind of worth the investment.

Let's move on to some heavier stuff, specifically the heaviest elements in the periodic table.

These guys are bad news and are radioactive because they have no stable isotopes.

Think of them like 12 -year -olds.

High energy, unpredictable, and likely to explode if left unsupervised.

Take plutonium, for example.

It's one of the most deadly elements on Earth.

Hanging out with plutonium for seconds is worse than chain smoking inside a tanning bed stuffed with asbestos.

Its nucleus is too bloated with protons and neutrons to stay together, and like your ex -girlfriend, it doesn't want to exist so it makes sure everyone around them suffers.

But if you really want to max out on radiation, I gotta recommend gamma rays.

They're way more harmful than any other ray, and you can access gamma rays from nuclear bombs or take a bite out of Chernobyl's elephant's foot.

This doesn't even look like an elephant's foot!

Chernobyl's elephant's foot is considered the most radioactive place on Earth.

It's a mass of melted nuclear fuel formed during the meltdown.

It originally emitted over 10 ,000 retkins per hour, enough to kill someone within minutes.

For context, that would probably kill an elephant within at least 5 to 10 minutes.

To this day, it's still hot and glows in the dark a bit.

While most elephants' feet weigh about 100 pounds, the one in Chernobyl weighs almost 4 million pounds.

But to be exposed to the most gamma rays, you'll need to visit a black hole's accretion disc.

We're running a little low on time, and all these tumors are making it extremely hard to talk.

So long friend of the channel, Ellie Andrews, and his little buddy, St. Aiden, wrote a rap to cover everything else.

To the floor, quick lick the vinyl If you're really on a mission and it isn't survival If it's laundry day, do a laundry week And each time of bleach,

snip dry your sheets Light a scented candle for the sweet benzenes Put your head by a diesel exhaust

and breathe Sunny days, try to spend outside without sunscreen

But bug spray's fine Do all of the above

and it won't be observable Till the doc calls back and it tells you it's terminal Thank you.

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About This Lesson

Ready to boost your English speaking skills while exploring a unique (and satirical) topic? This lesson uses a lively video to help you practice listening, pronunciation, and fluency. You’ll follow a fast-paced, conversational dialogue that’s perfect for honing your ability to keep up with natural speech—great for English speaking practice and even IELTS speaking practice. By the end, you’ll feel more confident mimicking tone, rhythm, and casual expressions, all while learning new vocabulary.

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

Carcinogen: A substance that can cause cancer (e.g., "Smoking introduces harmful carcinogens into the body").
Expedite: To speed up a process (e.g., "We need to expedite the project to meet the deadline").
Buffet (metaphorical): A wide range of options (e.g., "The city offers a buffet of cultural experiences").
Drastically: Extremely or significantly (e.g., "The new policy drastically changed our workflow").
Irreversibly: In a way that can’t be undone (e.g., "The damage to the environment was irreversibly done").

Practice Tips

This video’s tone is playful and fast, making it ideal for shadowing practice—a technique where you repeat lines immediately after the speaker. Here’s how to make the most of it: Start by watching the video once to grasp the main idea. Then, pause after each 5-10 second segment and repeat the lines, focusing on matching the speed, stress, and intonation. The speaker uses casual phrases like "hate to break it to you" and "sober tards"—mimic these to sound more natural. For extra challenge, try shadowing without pausing—this trains your brain to process and reproduce speech quickly, a key skill for learn English with videos success. Keep practicing, and soon you’ll notice your fluency and confidence soar!

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	are coated · being said · can be found
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	you've dreamed · haven't ruined · have made
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	acetataldehyde, which is · asbestos, which was

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: How to Speed Run Getting Cancer - Goblins Guide - Learn English Speaking with Video

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About This Lesson

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

Practice Tips

Grammar in this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?