Shadowing Practice: I’d rather be alone than deal with today’s dating standards - Learn English Speaking with Video
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219 sentences
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I feel like relationships now, the things that are normalized, the things that we kind of just don't really pay any mind to and realize,
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you know, how damaging they could be are kind of things that we kind of just normalize in relationships now.
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And the things that have been normalized feel so damaging and confusing.
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And I've kind of found out that the whole pursuit, the whole trying to build a relationship and find one now, you know, is something that I kind of question if it's worth it.
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you know is it worth it to go out of your way to build these connections
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and i think when you've been hurt for
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so long you kind of start to question that you question
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if something like a relationship is even possible is it even feasible is it something
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that you even want anymore
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because you're concerned on the current state of dating you know the level of attention the level of effort
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that you're putting in are you getting everything out of it
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and this idea is very real
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because i feel like the people who have been hurt definitely feel this way and i think after a certain point, it kind of just makes sense to question that, that whole thing, you know,
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after being hurt for so long, you start to question if it's even worth it to find a relationship.
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And I think a lot of people who have experienced
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so much hurt are actually the ones that are able to show
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so much love because they know what it's like to not appreciate.
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You know, those people who have been in darkness for
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so long will value the light more than the people who are already there.
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And I think when you've experienced, you know, so much heartbreak and so much damage, that vulnerability is very hard to you know accept it's it's hard to show it's hard to
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kind of build further relationships and have this idea
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that people out there will actually value it
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because no one has in the past
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but i feel like as soon as we let the past control our future
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and give us you know more than what's in the past
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and become something present you know how are we supposed to value anything how are we supposed to build relationships
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and actually you know build upon ourself if we have this negative self-image and this self-image is something that
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you kind of have to pay more attention to, you know, how we speak to ourselves, how we talk to ourselves definitely says more about our readiness for a relationship and connections more than anything.
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And it's something that we kind of forget, you know, we kind of forget that talking to ourself is something
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that actually has so much weight and holds so much value.
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And I think the things normalized now, you know, especially the toxicity and the chaos and arguments,
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you know, the emotional calculations that you have to jump through and the hurdles that are there, you know, I think they're kind of just omnipresent in a sense now,
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you know, finding a relationship feels almost impossible.
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It is hitting the lottery in this generation, being in a loving, you know, open connection where you genuinely feel like you are yourself and there is no backlash.
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There's no judgment.
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There's no fear at hand, you know, being able to value that and see it is so much more important.
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I think when you are able to value it, but not have it, you start to realize, you know, if it's something that you'll ever have.
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And I think I've kind of thought about that for a minute now
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if connections and dating isn't something that's you know for me anymore
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and as much as you want these connections you start to
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realize you know is it worth it to change yourself to change your standards to find a relationship
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and really I don't think it is you know it's it's
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really hard to actually see yourself after you've changed you know those standards
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and I think I'd rather be alone than change my standards
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to fit into dating today you know really the dating
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that we are experiencing the dating that is at hand is something that's horrible
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and i feel like the most horrible part about it is the fact
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that it's kind of just getting worse it's not really something to where you know this is a problem
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and we're gonna fix it
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and you know other people may see it a different way
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i feel like problems kind of have progressed to where it's okay it's normal you know
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when you realize that people have all been cheated on
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or people have all been with someone who did this
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or all have you know this similar experience that experience This isn't something that's too uncommon now.
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And that's hard to hear.
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It's hard to hear that a lot of people have experienced hardships adultery or anything, you know That's damaging
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and I think it kind of makes you feel like it's
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not worth it to do anything to to go out of your way anymore And I think that 100 makes sense, you know I'd rather be alone than conform to today's dating standards
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And honestly the things that have been normalized the things
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that we kind of give praise for when really it's the bare minimum in relationship definitely shows the level of, you know, romance that's out there now.
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You know, no one wants to actually pursue a relationship.
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They want to be chaste.
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They want to be valued and be treated as something that's so much worth, you know, more than they really are.
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And I think that idea, that delusion has kind of damaged things.
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You know, we have to learn to accurately assess ourselves.
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If we are wanting someone who is romantic and, you know, forward thinking and able to do all these things, we have to ask if we're able to do that ourselves.
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You know, if someone who was able to do these things, would they be interested in someone like me?
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And I think if you ask those questions, if you start to actually assess the level of, you know, empathy and effort, you're able to provide for another person,
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you start to realize that you have to want more for yourself before wanting that person, before even having that person or deserving them, you have to be able to build upon yourself.
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And I think instead of normalizing yourself and kind of watering down who you are in order to get this connection, it's a lot better to build so that way you don't need anyone, but you can have them.
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And I think that idea of being open enough to to have it
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and not really doing it for people is beautiful you know there's a quote about building a garden
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and once you've built that garden you know butterflies come
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and even if the butterflies don't come you still have
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that beautiful garden and that is yourself that is your own image
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and that image is something
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that i think like i've said earlier in the video is something
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that we definitely don't realize how important it is
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and i know it's easy to criticize yourself to say that you're not worth these things, you know, whatever it is might not be worth it.
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But I think it's it's damaging after a while
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because you start to question if you are deserving of love because of this or that thing, you know, if you are able to provide these things, you know, does that make you deserving of love?
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And I don't think that's it at all.
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I don't think love is something that you have to deserve or earn.
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And it's hard to accept it when you feel that way.
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You know, a lot of people have that idea, you know, you're not supposed to earn anyone's love.
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It shouldn't be something that has conditions or has standards
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that they are able to give you love now
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that you're capable of providing them with something you know love
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isn't a transaction it's not something to where it's you know you give this
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and i give that i think a lot of times
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if we want real love it's something selfless it's something
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that you're giving not because you want it to be reciprocated
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or that you need something out of this person or
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that there's any ulterior motives it's loving that person for everything they are
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and everything they're not and i think once you are able to see people for
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that and have this level of acceptance you start to realize the real you know passion behind love is
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that selflessness it's being able to love people more than you love yourself
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and do these things not because they ask you but
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because you want to you know you're understanding enough to realize
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that these things are needed from them
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and you're capable of doing it you know you do it anyway
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that intuition that idea of wanting to be more for them is really just love
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and that love is something that i think a lot of people aren't able to experience
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because they're kind of scared of actually even diving into
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that realm you know who they are
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when they're in love is something i think a lot of people have fear of
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and it makes sense you know when you've never been in a relationship
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and i've i made a video on them you know never being in a relationship
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and my ideas of relationships
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and a lot of people are confused on how i'm able to you know kind of give advice
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or talk about all these things that i've never been in a relationship
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but i feel like you don't have to be in one to understand it
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and a lot of people have this idea of dating for experience
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and I think it is one of the most interesting concepts I think I've ever heard.
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And it makes sense to kind of build your experience and understand your preferences and your boundaries and what you need.
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But I don't think it's something necessary.
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I don't think you should leave a relationship in order to experience other relationships
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or leave someone in order to experience these things or get your, you know, youth experience or anything like that.
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You know, I think it's kind of not really forward thinking at all.
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You know, there is no experience.
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It's just heartbreak.
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At the end of the day, you know, you kind of do realize that, that you don't need that.
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You know, you don't need any dating experience because if you're not dating for marriage, you're dating for heartbreak.
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You are going to deal with, you know, any sort of competence and damage and wounds from relationships already.
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You know, why actually go after them like this?
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Why look for relationships when you really know that it's not going to be anything forever?
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You know, if you're only chasing temporary attraction and temporary things with these people, you have to realize that everything will feel temporary.
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Your emotions won't have any stability because they're constantly coming and going.
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And I think the less you are able to actually value, you know, the level of effort and attention that you're putting into other people, you know, the less important it will become,
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you know, the less valuable it will feel to yourself.
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You know, now when people give you that level of love and attention, it's not going to mean as much because you are
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so capable of giving it to other people and being sensible with it.
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And I think when you are capable of giving that love, it's good.
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But we have to understand the intention behind it.
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If we don't have a genuine intention about it, if there isn't any real feeling, why are we doing?
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You know, why are we wasting our time?
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Why are we setting up, you know, this level of hurt or heartbreak for ourself or for that person?
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And I think some people have done this to where they don't realize
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that they are actually being the damaging person for other people, which is almost as bad as being a damaging person for yourself.
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And I think instead of really conforming and changing all these things, I know this video is really just a whole bunch of things summarized,
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but I feel like all of it really interconnects.
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and normally I think when you value relationships
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when you value you know what you're capable of bringing what
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people can bring you you start to realize how important it all gets
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because it all starts to feel the same way
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and you start to realize well okay I feel this way
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because I've experienced something in the past that kind of connects to it
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and I think that whole connection is something
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that we start to feel it's something that we start to understand
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and it comes with our purpose and I think the biggest thing about purpose is
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that it's not specifically found but it's made
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And I think when you are able to value things in life more than other people can that's
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when you find happiness You know, some people call it cringe.
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I call it living, you know, that is the biggest thing is that You don't have to start searching for your purpose.
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You create it Purpose is anything that you give meaning to
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and I think when you live a meaningful life
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when you're able to Notice the things that go unnoticed and cherish your own memories and live in the present, you know All these things add up to living a meaningful life not just being satisfied,
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but being happy.
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And I think there's a big difference between the two things.
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When you are capable and understanding that you're going to experience hardships, that you'll have problems, what will life be without problems?
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You can't experience any happiness, any good if you've never been punished, if you've never been hurt or experienced this level of suffering.
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And that is the whole point of having meaning.
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That purpose is something that you get to create.
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It's not a job.
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It's not a career or something that you just assigned to yourself some, you know, human role, it is something that you get to find on your own.
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You get to add to it every single day, you know, every single minute of your life, you know, all of these things lead up to where you are right now.
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And I think once you look back, you realize that all those low moments were actually things that helped you experience life today.
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They are things that needed to happen and you want to change them for the world.
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And I think being able to value that more than anything, being able to be that level of openness has definitely changed my life.
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and I don't think I've talked about it at all, is really that I had dreams of doing so many different other things
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and I feel like all of those things failing all those
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things the hardships the questioning myself have really led to this moment
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and this moment not just being me sitting you know on
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a hill recording a video with a tripod no this moment
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as in where I'm at in life the people I've met the people I've been able to reach
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and talk to with this platform um i never imagined i'd get here never
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and it's kind of something that goes off from the video
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but i had so many different experiences in life and loss
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and grief and losing friend groups you know people passing away
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and you know mental health issues
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and suffering depression anxiety you know having surgery last year to
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where i didn't know you know where my life went in to being here now
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and i think it's important that we kind of start to
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understand these things happen for a reason and that reason might not be revealed today
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might be revealed tomorrow but it is something that you get to see
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and i think being able to cherish that
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and to be authentic within yourself is the biggest part and i'm saying this now because I think that authenticity,
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that valuing your own troubles, the things that have hurt you,
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kind of get to give you some understanding in why it's important not to conform just
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because you want to fit in or just because you want to experience something everyone else is experiencing.
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You get to create whatever on your mind and whatever you value is something that's valuable, not because someone said so, but because you did.
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And that's important.
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Having that, having that understanding and that acknowledgement to know that because I want this thing, because I value this thing, I don't have to change for anyone.
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That's something you have to keep.
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And I think that is one of the most important lessons that I've ever learned throughout life is valuing your standards,
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your boundaries, and everything important to you more than letting anyone take it away.
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We have to do that.
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And you have to understand if you want more from life, You have to give a whole understanding,
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that whole, you know, connections and pouring into other people.
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It doesn't mean a thing if you can't find your own connection with yourself.
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And you can build it.
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You can reveal it to yourself.
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You can kind of dig past all the past trauma
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and understand that these things that happened in the past aren't actually you.
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But they showed you who you are and what you could be.
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I think that level of humility and experiencing vulnerability
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and admitting to yourself that you are her
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that you need help is living you want to have a life without you want to have anything without it
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and that's the real value there that is what's most important
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when you are looking not for a connection with other people but for that connection with yourself
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and that one comes first that is the most important connection you will ever have
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and i think i say it like a broken record time
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and time again about having that connection with yourself means
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so much more than people realize because it really does
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and i think i've lived a lot of my life without having
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that connection and it's led me to some dark places man bad eras
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and bad connections and All these negative people and negative things have happened when I didn't know what I wanted, what I valued.
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And I think we have to find that value and move on.
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And appreciate every little mistake, problem, flaw that we experience.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “I’d rather be alone than deal with today’s dating standards”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: relationship, experience, connection, realize, value. This video has 219 sentences and 3190 words to shadow. The speech runs for 15:09. The speaker talks fast, about 211 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 90% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| normalize verb | /ˈnɔː.mə.laɪz/ | To make normal, to bring into alignment with an established standard. |
| heartbreak noun | /ˈhɑɹt.bɹeɪk/ | Overwhelming mental anguish or grief, especially that caused by loss or disappointment. |
| ourself | /(ˌ)aʊə(ɹ)ˈsɛlf/ | The reflexive of the royal or editorial we: myself (as used by one who is a monarch, writer or speaker when referring to oneself as we). |
| conform verb | /kənˈfɔɹm/ | To adapt to something by more closely matching it, especially something normative. |
| hardship noun | /ˈhɑɹdˌʃɪp/ | Difficulty or trouble; hard times. |
| cherish verb | /ˈt͡ʃɛɹɪʃ/ | To treat with affection, care, and tenderness; to nurture or protect with care. |
| vulnerability noun | /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/ | The state of being vulnerable; susceptibility to attack or injury, either physical or emotional; the state or condition of being weak or poorly defended. |
| butterfly noun | /ˈbʌ.tə(ɹ).flaɪ/ | A flying insect of the order Lepidoptera, distinguished from moths by their diurnal activity and generally brighter colouring. |
| assess verb | /əˈsɛs/ | To determine, estimate or judge the value of; to evaluate; to estimate. |
| boundary noun | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | The dividing line or location between two areas. |
| meaningful adjective | /ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/ | Having meaning, significant. |
| acknowledgment noun | /əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ.mənt/ | The act of acknowledging |
| adultery noun | /əˈdʌltəɹi/ | Faithlessness in religion. |
| delusion noun | /dɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/ | An adamant belief in a falsehood despite incontestable evidence. |
| hurdle noun | /ˈhɝd(ə)l/ | An artificial barrier, variously constructed, over which athletes or horses jump in a race. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| add up to verb | To have a particular effect in combination. | |
| find out verb | To discover, as by asking or investigating. | |
| lead up to verb | To set in motion; to act as a causal or preparatory event or sequence of events. | |
| look back verb | To think of (past events) in retrospect (in hindsight). | |
| pass away verb | To die. | |
| set up verb | /ˌsɛt ˈʌp/ | To make ready for use. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- You know, why actually go after them like this?
- You know, why are we wasting our time?
- That's something you have to keep.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if it's something that you'll ever |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been normalized · you've been hurt · have been hurt |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | are normalized · have been normalized · you've been hurt |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | people who have · people who are · someone who did |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 81 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, you're, I've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: hardship /ˈhɑɹdˌʃɪp/, cherish /ˈt͡ʃɛɹɪʃ/, delusion /dɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, intuition /ˌɪn.tjuːˈɪʃ.ən/, backlash /ˈbækˌlæʃ/
- Long words — get the stress right: vulnerability /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/, acknowledgment /əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ.mənt/, adultery /əˈdʌltəɹi/, interconnect /ˌɪn.tə.kəˈnɛkt/, omnipresent /ˌɔmnɪjˈpɹɛz(ə)nt/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like normalize, heartbreak, ourself.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.