Shadowing Practice: How to Find Someone You Can Be With Forever - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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When you select a partner, whether you realize it or not, you're choosing a whole lifestyle and not just the person.
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You're choosing their sleep schedule.
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You're choosing their money habits.
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You're choosing their stress levels, their family drama, their levels of cleanliness, their work ethic, their coping mechanisms.
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All of these things will be a baseline of your daily life.
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If their normal is doom scrolling till 2am, avoiding all conflict, impulse spending and never exercising, Guess what?
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You're signing up to live in that ecosystem.
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Love does not cancel out people's flaws.
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In fact, love just makes you tolerate them for longer.
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Most people obsess over Do we have romantic chemistry?
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and they completely skip Can I live with this person's version of a Tuesday for the next 10 years?
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The hard truth is you don't fix somebody's lifestyle from the inside.
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You either accept the package as they are, Or your walk.
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I've been having, I've been having this conversation with a lot of single friends recently. of.
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I'm not sure.
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What I'm noticing...
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is that people tend seem to have kind of this laundry list of requirements and
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as soon as they and there's this also this false perception of infinite options.
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And so as soon as the person that they're seeing or that they're on a date with
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like fails one of the qualifications.
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They're like, Oh, next I'm going to move on.
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And then of course they're, you know, 45 and still single and wondering why they never found anybody.
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And have you ever heard that story that I think it, I think it was Warren Buffett where he said that he was like,
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you know, you, you, Write out a list of 20 things that you want in your life.
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put them in order from the thing that's most important, least important, and then cross out everything, but the top three, I've essentially started giving that exercise to my single friends.
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Cause I'm like, you're not going to find all of these.
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And, and, and it's, you've been brainwashed.
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You have this like false perception that there's a lot of these people out there
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that that tick every single box and there's not.
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And you're probably even if there is, you're probably not going to meet them.
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And if you do meet them, they're going to have so many options that it's going to be like very unlikely that you end up with them.
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It's find your three non -negotiables and then...
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negotiate on the rest and that's like fucking sacrilege these days to tell people
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because they're like i don't want to sound like settling yeah i don't want to settle it's like you Dude, everybody settles on something.
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I mean, you're settling in that you can't fly.
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at the moment.
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Yeah.
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You know, you're settling in that you need to go to bed every night.
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Yeah.
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I mean, dude, there's things that I've been with my wife for 14 years.
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There's things about her that still drive me fucking crazy.
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And, but I...
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I think she's like Latina, right?
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Well, yeah.
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Yeah.
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So that kind of comes, that's part of the course.
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It's yes, it's part for every course, but it's the Latina, the Latino versions are just much more dramatic.
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Very loud.
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Lots of tears.
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It's the spicy version.
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It's the fuego version.
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Exactly.
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It's fuego dating.
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Exactly.
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Um, But there's things about me that like she can't stand, but it's like, you just, accept at a certain point.
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You're like, okay, the good vastly outweighs the bad and you go with it.
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And I think...
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I think the reason... That.
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posted so well is you know, when you are meeting people when you are dating people.
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there's this whole kind of like, iceberg under the water of traits and characteristics and personality
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and connections and relationships that you're not really aware of that they're there.
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Um, but that's actually going to be the majority of the relationship.
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Right. And.
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really most people are kind of just going on vibes.
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you know when they're when they're dating somebody um
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And so I just think it's helpful to be like explicitly conscious about it and understand like, okay, if, if her mother's crazy like and you want to marry her,
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like you're going to have a crazy mother -in -law for 40 years.
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Looking for some crazy.
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Exactly.
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Like it's just put it on the plate because it's part of the course.
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You can't, you can't only, it's not a buffet.
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You don't just take the items you want.
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You got to take, it's the whole prefix menu.
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You know what the original name for this podcast was going to be?
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What's that?
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Crushing a Tuesday.
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The reason for that, glad that I didn't do it.
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Another one was mind and matter and another one was brain and brawn and it was, they were horrible.
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Modern wisdom was divine inspiration that came to me at three in the morning.
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Yeah, much better.
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Thank you.
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Uh, crushing Tuesday is not bad.
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Crushing a Tuesday was taken from a Tim Ferriss podcast.
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Okay.
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And what he said was most people try to optimize their lives around peak experiences.
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Mm -hmm.
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but your life is made up of average Tuesdays.
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Yeah.
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And your goal should be to make your average Tuesday as enjoyable as possible.
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Yeah.
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And that's what you're talking about here, that...
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what people look at is the amazing sex or the fascinating conversation.
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They don't realize What?
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Is this person like?
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normally?
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What is the middle of their bell curve of just how they operate?
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What do they do with Thank you with the most frequent interaction between them and reality?
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What do they do with their diet?
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That's pretty important.
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What do they do with their sleep pattern?
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That's pretty important.
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These are structural things.
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How do they deal with discomfort?
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How do they deal with things when they're hot?
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How do they deal when they're dysregulated?
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What's their family like?
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What are their timelines like?
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No, your timelines in the same.
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moving in the same direction.
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And that.. is what's the relationship with money like?
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That is what you are signing up for.
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Right.
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And that line, love does not cancel out people's flaws.
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In fact, it just makes you tolerate it for longer.
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Which is what's deranging to a lot of people
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that they get into a relationship with somebody who isn't right for them or isn't good for them. And the...
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capacity of their love, the intensity of their love just allows them to stay in something which isn't right for even longer.
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Yeah.
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And I think that people often feel guilty about having optimized for romantic chemistry,
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when what they should have been optimizing for is Is Tuesday evening with this person enjoyable?
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Right.
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And it's it's easy to optimize for that romantic chemistry
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because that's what you're flooded with when you meet somebody you really like.
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So that's what you're going to be biased towards.
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And I should I should add.
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So it's funny because I think I've posted a couple variations of this post over the years and.
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Every time there's always a couple angry people in the comments who are like,
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you this is unrealistic you shouldn't expect somebody to satisfy all these things for you
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and the point of this isn't
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that you have to go find somebody who has a mother
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that you like and who's like good with the opposite of
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that yeah no it's like it's you have to find somebody
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that you're willing to tolerate all of all of those things right
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so it's it's not um they're not trying to hit a a
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a ceiling like you're just trying to make find somebody who's like nothing falls below your floor
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and it's also i think a lot of it there are a couple other facets of this I think one is...
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understanding that what you, What are you particularly well -equipped to handle.
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So for example, my wife's Brazilian.
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She has a lot of feelings.
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And I'm just like very even keeled pretty much all the time.
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It really takes a lot for me to get worked up about anything.
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Like I'm, I'm the guy who doesn't give a fuck.
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So, It actually works extremely well.
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Like I can handle a lot of emotions.
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It doesn't really freak me out.
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I don't like get sucked into drama easily.
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So there's like a certain amount of self -knowledge of understanding
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this is the type of partner that I'm probably well suited for because my strength kind of, resonates well with their weakness or vice versa.
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Whereas like, My, you know, I have a very, very like,
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strong need for intellectual stimulation.
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I get bored extremely easily.
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and back when i was single like i i dated a lot of really cool girls
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but who just like weren't super smart or curious and i I was bored within minutes.
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And some of them were smoking hot.
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Some of them were awesome in bed.
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And I remember sitting there being like, I can't believe I'm going to break up with this girl.
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Like, she's, what am I doing?
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But, I was bored.
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Got nothing to talk to you about.
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Yeah, I was bored out of my mind.
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And your first date with your now wife, was you met in a nightclub and within 30 minutes we're talking about Russian literature.
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- Russian grammar.
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- Russian grammar.
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That's it.
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You know?
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- Yes, yes.
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Before we continue, most people in their 30s are still training hard.
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Their protein is dialed in.
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They sleep better than they did in their 20s.
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Discipline is not the issue, but recovery feels somewhat different strength gains take a little longer, the margin for error starts to shrink.
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And that is why I'm such a huge fan of timeline.
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You see, Mitochondria are the energy producers inside of your muscle cells.
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As they weaken with age, your ability to generate power and recover effectively changes, even if your habits stay strong.
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MitoPure from Timeline contains the only clinically validated form of urithulin A used in human trials.
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It promotes mitophagy, which is your body's natural process for clearing out damaged mitochondria and renewing healthy ones.
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In studies, this is supported mitochondrial function and muscle strength in older adults.
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It's not about pushing harder.
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It's about actually supporting the cellular machinery underneath your training.
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If you care about staying strong into your thirties, forties, and fifties and beyond, this is foundational.
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Best of all, there is a 30 day money back guarantee plus free shipping in the US and they ship internationally.
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And right now you can get up to 20 % off by going to the link in the description below
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or heading to timeline .com /modernwisdom and using the code modern Thank you.
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and Modern Wisdom at checkout.
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Congratulations, you made it to the end of a clip and the full -length episode is available right here.
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Go on.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Find Someone You Can Be With Forever”. This video has 185 sentences and 1842 words to shadow. The speech runs for 10:08. The speaker talks fast, about 182 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| timeline noun | /ˈtaɪmˌlaɪn/ | A graphical representation of a chronological sequence of events (past or future). |
| optimize verb | /ˈɑptɪmaɪz/ | To act optimistically or as an optimist. |
| bore verb | /boɹ/ | To inspire boredom in somebody. |
| tolerate verb | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | To allow or permit without explicit approval, usually if it is perceived as negative. |
| crush verb | /kɹʌʃ/ | To press between two hard objects; to squeeze so as to alter the natural shape or integrity, or to force together into a mass. |
| mitochondrion noun | /ˌmaɪtəˈkɑndɹiən/ | A spherical or ovoid organelle found in the cytoplasm of eukaryotic cells and containing genetic material separate from that of the host; it is responsible for… |
| flaw noun | /flɔ/ | A crack or breach, a gap or fissure; a defect of continuity or cohesion. |
| enjoyable adjective | /ɛnˈd͡ʒɔɪ.ə.bl̩/ | Pleasant, capable of giving pleasure. |
| podcast noun | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | A program, especially an audio program, produced on a regular basis, delivered over the Internet in a compressed digital format and designed for playback on… |
| grammar noun | /ˈɡɹæm.ə(ɹ)/ | A system of rules and principles for the structure of a language, or of languages in general. |
| perception noun | /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/ | The organisation, identification and interpretation of sensory information. |
| cancel verb | /ˈkæn.sl̩/ | To cross out something with lines etc. |
| brainwash noun | /ˈbɹeɪnwɒʃ/ | A distorting effect upon one's memory, belief, or ideas, as by propaganda. |
| cleanliness noun | /ˈklɛn.li.nᵻs/ | The property of being cleanly, or habitually clean; good hygiene. |
| clinically adverb | In a clinical manner: dispassionately or analytically. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| clear out verb | To completely empty. |
| cross out verb | To strike out (something); to draw a line through (something). |
| get up to verb | To do something, especially something that is forbidden or improper. |
| write out verb | To write at full length or in expanded form. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- You're choosing their sleep schedule.
- You're choosing their money habits.
- You're signing up to live in that ecosystem.
- It's find your three non -negotiables and then...
- I mean, you're settling in that you can't fly.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | I've been having · have been optimizing |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | you've been brainwashed · was taken · is made |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | somebody who isn · somebody who has · guy who doesn |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | you've been brainwashed · I've been · I've posted |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 67 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, they're, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: ethic /ˈɛθ.ɪk/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: crush /kɹʌʃ/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, brainwash /ˈbɹeɪnwɒʃ/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/, negotiable /nɪˈɡoʊʃəbəl/
- Long words — get the stress right: mitochondrion /ˌmaɪtəˈkɑndɹiən/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/, mitochondrial /ˌmaɪ.təˈkɑːn.dɹi.əl/, negotiable /nɪˈɡoʊʃəbəl/, stimulation /stɪm.jʊˈleɪ.ʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like timeline, optimize, bore.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.