Shadowing Practice: The Cheating Double Standard Nobody Talks About - Learn English Speaking with Video
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How do men and women view cheating differently? So it's really interesting.
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We asked this question.
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I don't think it'd been asked before.
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We know that infidelity is something that
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Americans largely, across the political divide, across all these different demographic groups, they view as morally wrong.
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It's something like eight and 10 or nine and 10.
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And that's been consistent.
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We've changed our attitudes on a lot of different kinds of personal behavior.
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We've become more accepting on some, like homosexuality.
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But when it comes to infidelity, especially marital infidelity, Americans strongly oppose.
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There's an interesting wrinkle in this.
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And that we asked, in our survey, we split the sample.
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So we asked two independent groups.
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One, if a man commits adultery, and one is the woman commits adultery.
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And we had everyone rate whether it's morally wrong or morally acceptable.
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and we found that when it comes to men cheating, there wasn't much of a gender difference.
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That across the board, pretty much people said, like, yeah, when a man cheats, it's morally wrong.
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When it comes to women,
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women, especially younger women, were far less likely to take a kind of hardline approach and say it was morally wrong in, like, all circumstances.
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There was more like, well, it's either not a moral issue or morally acceptable.
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and you know i i hypothesize
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that well there's a couple of things might be happening it might be
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that you know men uh do commit uh adulterous acts more often um there are power dynamics uh potentially
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that they're thinking about um it could be just
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that ideologically there's a we know that that
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when it comes to things like a shared fate
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or linked fate this idea like what happens to other people impacts
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you is much higher among young women than it is among uh men or older women.
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So there's a number of things that might be going on here,
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but we know that it matters to women who's doing the cheating and what the circumstances are.
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When asked, is it morally wrong for a man or a woman to cheat?
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Yeah.
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Men were asked and it was basically the same.
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It's morally wrong for men.
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Men judge men the same way they judge women, but women judge women differently than men.
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Did women judge men more harshly than men judged men?
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No, it was actually pretty similar.
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Okay.
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So everybody, three quadrants of this four quadrant survey are all pretty much the same.
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Yeah.
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Men judge female cheating and male cheating the same.
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Yeah.
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And females judge male cheating the same.
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Yep.
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But females judge female cheating differently.
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Yeah.
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And it's mostly young women.
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So older women are, I think, pretty similar to others.
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So it's young women who really stand out on that measure.
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and you think
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that this is shared fate to a degree shared fate uh
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experiences with cheating women are simply more likely to have experience with being cheated on than men um
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so this is some righteous retribution
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so they're like yeah they may have heard stories like oh you know she she cheated
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but like you know this guy was a real jerk and
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so like it it could be informed through those kinds of experiences um this is we're all hypothesizing here
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because i don't i don't have did you uh oh
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i guess it was just a survey you didn't say
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i'll say why why have you got this oh that's quite an ugly stat yeah i suppose
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that there is this i mean what you do see this more
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so online like i i at least from again going anecdotally
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i don't see many guys coming out to excuse the behavior of a man cheating on his partner like
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if he's got a wife and this might just be the echo chambers
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that i'm in uh but i would say that there is a an implication of like, what did he do to deserve it?
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Yeah.
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As opposed to what did she do to deserve it?
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And that seems to be reflected in the survey data too.
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Yeah.
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And there's probably, I think there's like a mirrored conversation happening around the issue of like sexual assault where women will say like,
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well, every woman knows someone who's been sexually assaulted, but no man has a friend who sexually assaults women.
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Right.
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So you have this sense of like, okay, how can both these things be true?
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Um, well, it's quite, at least I, David Buss has got a pretty easy explanation for that,
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which is that it's not a thousand men doing one incident each.
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It's one man in a thousand doing a thousand incidents.
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That like there is tail risk.
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It's repeated offenders that are inside the group of men.
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I'm convinced of that argument when it comes to like the more serious offenses.
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But I think when it comes to sort of less pernicious sort of sexual harassment online, I think is not just one or two perpetrators.
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I think it's a much larger group, but I think that, yeah, I'd agree with his perhaps take on the more serious offenses.
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It's interesting, man.
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Like I remember seeing kind of the wild west of Twitter the first time around, not the second time around, which we're in again, I suppose.
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And some of the shit that guys would post in response to women was like call of duty lobby level stuff.
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And it's, there's just, there is a limit for what should be acceptable in like common public discourse.
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Just because you can say it doesn't mean that it's okay.
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And I get it.
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Like you can have trolling and all the rest.
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This is before trolling.
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This is before there was a meme setup that you could have been anti -memetically, like sardonically cool working against,
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you know, I'm not contravening this, this norm.
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No norms have been created, dude.
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It's fucking 2015 or something.
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Uh, so I, I get that.
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I, I didn't consider the potential for like online sexual harassment to creep in, in this sort of a way.
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And I imagine that, especially if you're a young woman growing up in a society that's got it's post me too.
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There's a lot of concern about safety around men and bears and woods and stuff.
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And then there's this thing that happens online.
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And then you see this thing and, you know, maybe your mother at your age would have blown it off or maybe she wouldn't have done,
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but now it's really going to hit at this thing, this, this fear, this very visceral fear that every woman has.
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And it's then been perhaps magnified or multiplied through, through modern social media and stuff like that's, that's going to be a gnarly, a gnarly situation.
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Yeah.
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And I think too, the, the extent to which this stuff can like follow you home, right?
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Like you feel like I'm in my home, in my apartment, this is my safe space.
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Wait a minute, I'm getting emails and instant messages
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in a place where I'm supposed to feel safe that are promising to like harm me.
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The other thing too, that I think it's not just about, you know, the harassment either.
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You know, we know that women are more likely to get asked for, to share news.
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So naked pictures of themselves, right?
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And so there's - Who wants to see guy nudes?
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That's my question.
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Not me.
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Yeah, no, me neither mark does but yeah that's it yeah uh
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and so the like there's ways in which that can be exploitative
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and and um uh you know harmful too
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but it's right it happens an awful lot and
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so like like where do you draw the line in some of this stuff i would say
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that boys shouldn't be asking for for nudes of their female classmates in general
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but there's not as strict norms against this stuff
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so what happens is the the girls and young men have to sort of erect those walls and and establish that
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Don't use the word erect when we're talking about it.
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Come on.
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Yeah.
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I mean, look, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't help but think about it as you were talking about that,
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the difference in supply versus demand of male nudes to female nudes.
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Yeah.
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That like just the straight up supply of unsolicited dick pics, very high.
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Like we don't need any more.
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You want to talk about living in an abundance society?
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We're post abundance with dick pics on the internet, especially if Conor McGregor's online.
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The psychology of that I've never understood.
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Just the unsolicited dick pic?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, very strange.
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You need to work on your dick pics.
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Then on the other side, the request, like, no, I don't know.
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Has any woman ever asked for an unsolicited dick pic?
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Maybe not.
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That might be a world first if a woman went to go and do it now.
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But then on the other side, the demand for female nudes, if I could polymarket this, it would be like, it would just,
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the lines would be at the opposite ends of the graph.
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Not sponsored by fucking polymarket, by the way.
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I feel like any time, this is how prevalent betting prediction market ads are, that if I ever refer to Calci or Polymarket,
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I want to do like a anti -ad read.
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Be like, this is not a partner of the show.
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But a quick note, lots of people tell us that YouTube unsubscribes them from the channel, even though they already pressed it.
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So just check down there and see if the subscribe button is pressed.
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You get access to episodes before anybody else.
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If you do, it supports me and the show helps me to bring you bigger and better guests.
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And it makes me very happy.
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So just go and give it a tap for me.
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I thank you.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “The Cheating Double Standard Nobody Talks About”. This video has 167 sentences and 1879 words to shadow. The speech runs for 9:50. The speaker talks fast, about 191 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 82% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| cheat verb | /ˈt͡ʃiːt/ | To violate rules in order to gain, or attempt to gain, advantage from a situation. |
| morally adverb | /ˈmɔɹəli/ | In terms of morals or ethics. |
| nude adjective | /n(j)uːd/ | Of a color (such as beige or tan) that evokes bare flesh. |
| fate noun | /feɪt/ | The presumed cause, force, principle, or divine will that predetermines events. |
| assault noun | /əˈsɔlt/ | A violent onset or attack with physical means, for example blows, weapons, etc. |
| commit verb | /kəˈmɪt/ | To give in trust; to put into charge or keeping; to entrust; to consign; used with to or formerly unto. |
| acceptable adjective | /əkˈsɛp.tə.bəl/ | Worthy, decent, sure of being accepted or received with at least moderate pleasure. |
| differently adverb | /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/ | In a different way. |
| pic noun | /pɪk/ | A picture, especially a photographic image. |
| supplement noun | /ˈsʌp.lɪ.mənt/ | Something added; especially, such an addition added to make up for a deficiency. |
| harassment noun | /həˈɹæsmənt/ | Persistent attacks and criticism causing worry and distress. |
| norm noun | /nɔːm/ | That which is normal or typical. |
| guarantee noun | /ˌɡæɹ.ənˈtiː/ | Anything that assures a certain outcome. |
| wisdom noun | /ˈwɪzdəm/ | An element of personal character that enables one to distinguish the wise from the unwise. |
| offense noun | /əˈfɛns/ | A crime or sin. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| get up to verb | To do something, especially something that is forbidden or improper. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- I don't think it'd been asked before.
- We've become more accepting on some, like homosexuality.
- You want to talk about living in an abundance society?
- The psychology of that I've never understood.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if I could polymarket this, it would be · If you don't love it, they will give |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | been asked · were asked · is shared |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | that's been · We've changed · We've become |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | women who really · friend who sexually · back, which is |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 40 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, can't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, subscription /səbˈskɹɪpʃən/, prediction /pɹɪˈdɪkʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: acceptable /əkˈsɛp.tə.bəl/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like cheat, morally, nude.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.