Shadowing Practice: No Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 20-05-2011 - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Before tonight's talk, I was going to give a little bit more talk about the way
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that fear controls our lives and how we can overcome much of the things which we fear, to find more freedom, more peace,
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more happiness in our lives.
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One of the reasons for this is that someone sent me an email saying that for some people in the United States,
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some of these evangelical churches.
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They think the world is going to end on the 21st of May.
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That's tomorrow.
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So this is the last talk.
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But because they said this, this is one of the reasons why people sent me the email.
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There was this very sharp atheist entrepreneur who was saying,
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well if you think the world is going to end
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and you think that all the believers are going to go up to heaven, apparently in the religion they call it being enraptured,
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but it means your cats and dogs, because in that religion they don't have souls.
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That That means they'll be left here on earth with no one to look after them.
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So I got this from the Washington Post.
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They said that you love your dogs and cats so much
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and soon you won't be there to feed them
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or to put water or milk in their bowl
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so we can do that for you because we're atheists and we're not going anywhere at the end of the world.
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And so they were charging $350 a person, guaranteeing they would look after your pets, after the end of the world.
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And they were making a killing these people, because stupid people thought the end of the world was coming.
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So just the amount of stupidity people have is enormous.
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That's actually one of my favourite sayings, which I wrote down years ago.
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You may know that there was a philosopher, a French philosopher called Voltaire, and he once said that the only way to really understand
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and get your head around the mathematical concept of infinity is to start thinking about the extent of human stupidity.
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But nevertheless, why do people get involved in that?
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It's because sometimes that people use fear to control us and sometimes fear controls you.
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One of the nice things which when I first came across Buddhism that there was no such thing as that fear.
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In fact the path made it very clear to try and overcome that fear.
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If ever you see a Buddha statue with a hand like this, it's not trying to stop the traffic.
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That particular Buddha statue is called the Abhaya mudra, in other words, giving fearlessness, the open hand, in other words,
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being a gift to all beings, not to be afraid.
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That's a beautiful thing which, as a Buddhist monk who keeps precepts and doesn't go around killing animals or hurting animals,
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that we actually give to the fellow creatures who we come in contact with.
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You know when you come in here, you're not going to be shouted at or you're not going to be hurt in any which way.
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And it means also the animals who live in Buddhist monasteries have a wonderful time because they too have fearlessness,
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which is why if you go to the nuns' monastery or go to the monks' monastery, you can actually see there the animals, the kangaroos will come right up to you.
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Why?
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It's because over all those years they realize they're not afraid.
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It's such a beautiful thing to have animals who are not afraid of you.
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I remember just once over in Serpentine, in the monastery, I was on a long retreat and this huge tiger snake came up.
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It was a huge one.
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I could measure it later on because it was hiding from the sunshine.
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It was actually next to the brick wall.
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I know how long bricks were.
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It was about 2 .7 meters long.
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It was a very big snake.
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When it came up to me, I was washing my bowl.
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It came right up to me and it looked at me and I looked at the snake.
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I said, hello, how are you going?
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I carried on washing my bowl.
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I wasn't even paying attention to it.
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When I turned around again, it actually, it too had turned around and its head was facing the opposite direction to me.
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And it was tail was pointed to me, only a couple of feet away.
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I could have done any damage to it.
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But I think it would do that simply because...
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It had an idea of fearlessness.
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There was no way we were going to harm any creature like a snake.
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Of course, my favourite snake story, and I've told this before, but it's such a great story, I can't resist telling it again,
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was when I was meditating all night in Thailand.
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Now in Thailand these snakes are really dangerous.
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I mean, even the ones in Australia are even more dangerous, but in Thailand they do bite people.
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And sometimes you die.
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So anyway, I've been meditating all night, no sleep, and of course in the morning one of the first things you do is to urinate.
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So I got up and I went into the forest, into the bush to urinate.
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You don't stand up to do your business in the ancient tradition, you squat down.
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So there I was squatting down and urinating in the forest, the first light of day, I was a bit tired, so I wasn't that mindful.
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When I started urinating, I really did think I was urinating on a stick.
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But then the stick started to move.
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I realised, oh, I'm peeing on a snake.
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That was a very, very dangerous thing to do.
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I would not try that on a snake in Australia.
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But maybe the snakes in Thailand, they know a monk, and they realise a monk is not going to harm them.
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Even as I often say when I tell this story, the women won't really get this, but the men really feel this.
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The most sensitive part of a male's body was only about six inches from the mouth of that snake.
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That was very, very dangerous.
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But the snake never bit me me.
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It just carried on sort of having a nice morning and I wondered why that was.
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Afterwards of course she realised it's not just the monks with nothing that snakes could be afraid of, because they got used to us, we got used to them.
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It was also because I'm pretty sure the snake being a Thai snake, probably being a Buddhist, realised it was being blessed but with holy water.
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You can't get more holy than straight from the bladder of a monk.
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Maybe it was also because it was nice and warm, having a nice bath.
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But anyway, that was the day I peed on a snake and got away with it.
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It's because we're fearless.
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And it's because the animals don't fear us, because people don't fear you, that is why we have this beautiful relationship.
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When you can come close, you can ask questions and you realise that you're not going to be harmed either physically or emotionally.
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What a beautiful thing that is.
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So by giving that fearlessness to other people, it's not just fearless to animals, it's giving that fear to you as well.
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So you're not afraid of what's going to happen to you in here.
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When I was thinking about this talk a few minutes ago, I'm going to talk about three types of fear.
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First of all, there's the fear of physical discomfort, which is probably a good fear.
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Then there's a fear of people criticizing you and putting you down.
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And lastly, there's the fear I really wanted to focus on today.
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The fear of losing things which we're really attached to.
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The fear of freedom and peace and happiness.
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Now that's a very interesting one.
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But I'll go through the other ones first of all.
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The fear of physical discomfort, pain, sickness and death and all that sort of stuff.
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Sometimes the way that as a monk I've dealt with that is, You think, well you're going to get sick, you're going to die anyway.
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So if you do something wrong and something happens to you and you die early, well, think of it this way, you're probably a good people,
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you're going to go to heaven anyway, let's get there quicker, let's fast track instead of waiting around.
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And after all, when you really think of it, if you live a long life, what happens to you when you live a long life?
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You go to these old people's homes, you have to start wearing nappies again, and it's all back to, you know, just as you started.
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It's quite uncomfortable.
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It reminds me of that story of the two old men sitting down and talking to one another, and they were in their sort of 70s or 80s, and one said to the other,
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oh, just it's so terrible being old.
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You know, I just ache all over the place, and just, you know, I can't do things like I used to do.
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Life is so difficult being old.
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And the other friend, who was just about the same age, said, what do you mean? and it's wonderful.
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I feel like a newborn baby." I said, how is that?
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He said, well look at me, I've got no hair, no teeth, and I've just wet my pants again.
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Because that's what it's like when you get old.
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You keep doing the same old things again and again and again. But...
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As a Buddhist, you start to feel that, what am I afraid of?
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No matter what happens, I can deal with it.
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Because in my life, many of the things which I was afraid of, even like physical pain, physical discomfort,
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you realise it was not really a rational fear.
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Now each one of you have gone through pain and sickness, you've gone through death, you handled it.
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You can do it.
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Sometimes it may be painful, it may be difficult, it may be tough, but in the end, maybe because I've lived so long now,
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that you really realise that it's actually worth it.
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You actually learn so much from the difficulties and the disappointments of life.
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To me now I realise that's where you start doing your growth.
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I call it growing pain.
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So all the times when you have a relationship which doesn't work, or a divorce or a child who starts to misbehave or a death in the family,
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or something goes wrong in your life, whatever it is.
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Yeah, it does feel very difficult and painful at the time, but after it's happened, you look back and you think, my goodness, I grew and I learned so much from that.
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It is growing pains.
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Which is why I had to say to someone recently, and I said to this because they were really suffering from a very bad cancer.
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I said, look, a lot of people have had those cancers, and a lot of people have got through them.
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It was very unpleasant at the time, but I don't know how many people, because I've dealt with these people, lots of them, I don't know how many people, I can't count them, have come up to me and said,
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that cancer was the best thing which ever happened to them.
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Of course, I hear that first of all, the first time, and I think, you know, that person's crazy.
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When you hear it just, you know, 20, 30, 100 times, you think there's something going on there.
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I've never had cancer, but there are other sicknesses which I've had.
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Why is it they come along and say, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, because they've learned so much from that sort of disease, that trauma in their life.
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And this is what I mean, whatever happened to you in your life, if you've lost...
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Somebody just came, was actually calling me, just about the death in the family, and they said that's a time when they can really reflect on things.
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That's when they stand back in the business of their life, someone very close to them has died, and they start to really think about what really is happening in life,
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and what is this purpose of life, and what we should really be doing.
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And this is what happens.
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It's why these things, yes, they're a bit painful, they're disappointing, but we grow so much from them.
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And when you keep that in mind, it should make it very clear that why be afraid of these experiences.
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Yes, they may have a painful part to them, but if you look to the other part of them, which sometimes we don't look at,
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it means that we sort of miss things.
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Now sometimes when I talk like this, people say Ajahn Brahm is just talking about positive psychology.
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It's not real part of the old Buddhism which was taught by the Buddha.
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But there is one sutra, this is the ancient teachings of the Buddha,
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which I remember very, very well because just before I came to Australia 27 years ago,
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when I gave a talk to the monks in Thailand, just the last talk before I boarded the plane to come here, this was actually the teaching which I gave them.
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It was straight from the sutra because it was very similar.
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There was a monk who went up to the Buddha in that old time and he said, I want to go to this country a long way away,
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to spread the Dharma, to to build up some Buddhism and to help people in this far away country, just like I was coming to Australia.
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The Buddha said to this monk, that particular country is very rough, people are very coarse and very violent in that country.
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I'm not saying Australia is like that, but people laughed when I made that comparison in Thailand.
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The Buddha said,
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what would happen if you went to that country and people talk badly about you and they cursed you." And he thought,
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well, you know, at least they would feed me.
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And then the Buddha said, what if they don't feed you?
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He said, well, at least they don't hit me.
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But what if they hit you?
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Well, it's only a fist, it's not as if they stab me with daggers.
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What if they stagger with daggers and swords?
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Well, at least they don't kill me.
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But what if they kill you?
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Well, it just means I go to heaven quicker.
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And the Buddha said, now that's a real monk, you can go.
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And of course he went there, people didn't do those things, just like they did do those things here in Australia.
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They're really kind people.
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But that positive psychology, straight from the word of the Buddha, in the time of the Buddha, what would happen if you got sick?
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Oh well, at least I wouldn't die.
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What happens if you die?
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Well you made so much good come, you go to heaven or you get enlightened, so what's the big problem?
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Have you ever noticed that fear is always associated with negativity?
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We're afraid of something, and what we're actually afraid of, we see all the negative consequences of what might happen to us.
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It's that negativity which we add to the future, which is called fear.
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It's not what might happen.
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It's not the full picture.
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It's what might happen which might be bad.
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The other part of things we just refuse to see.
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It is a negativity towards the future.
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Of course, yeah, the future may be painful, but it's also very pleasant as well.
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We don't know what's going to happen next.
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It's going to be disappointing, but also a lot of fun as well.
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That's your life.
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It has been like that so far.
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It will be like that in the future.
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Yeah, you'll have your tears, but a lot of laughs as well.
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So why be so afraid?
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If you have the bigger picture, if you have wisdom, then the fear does not control you.
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And actually you may be able to use it to help you, as in the story which I told last Tuesday night in the Armadale group,
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and they thought it was very funny that once upon a time,
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there was a dog who went for a walk in the forest in Africa,
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and he walked a bit too far because a lion saw him,
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and the lion thought that dog will make a good dinner, and the dog heard that.
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How could a dog escape from a lion?
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But this dog, he must have listened to some of the YouTube talks from here, because he's a very, very smart dog.
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I'm sure he was a Buddhist.
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So what he did, he managed to find some bones
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and he sat in front of the bones with his and his back towards the lion, totally unafraid.
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And as the lion was about to pounce, the dog licked his lips and said, Mmm, what a delicious meal.
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These lions are very, very tasty.
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I wonder when I can get my next lion to eat.
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And the lion heard that, my goodness, that must be a really vicious dog.
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He's eaten another lion.
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I'm not going to be his dinner." And so the lion turned around and ran away.
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But there was a monkey, and that monkey saw that conversation.
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And he said, I'm not going to let the dog get away with tricking this lion.
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So he went up to the lion and said, you've been tricked.
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You're a fool.
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You know, this dog can't eat lions.
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He just said this to scare you away." And so the lion got very upset and said, I'm going to go and eat that dog.
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And the monkey said, I'll come with you to watch.
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So the monkey jumped on the lion's back, and the lion went straight towards the dog, and the dog saw them coming.
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So he went in front of the pile of bones again, with his back towards the lion and the monkey on the back.
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And as they came close, the dog licked his lips again and he said, where's that damn monkey?
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He promised he'd bring me another lion.
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And that was the way the wise dog who came to Nolamara Centaur, listened to the iPod talks on YouTube, could escape.
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Because people are just so superstitious and they're just so afraid sometimes you wonder just why people actually are afraid.
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What are you afraid of?
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So a lot of times it's physical discomfort.
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Number one, physical discomfort.
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You can always overcome physical discomfort.
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You can always deal with it.
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You're tough enough.
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You can learn from it.
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You can grow from it.
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And actually it is growing pain.
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Which is why as a Buddhist, you're not afraid of these things.
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If they happen, you rather didn't happen, but you know you can deal with them.
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You can deal with anything.
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But even worse than that, for many people, is the fear of criticism, is the fear of being put down,
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is the fear of being diminished in the eyes of your peers, in the eyes of others.
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And that is a fear which stops people talking to one another, making relationships.
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It's a sort of fear which people say stops people going in front of a microphone and giving a talk.
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As for me when I first gave a talk, I overcome that fear of what other people think of me.
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by realising whichever way it went, it would always be a win -win situation for me.
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I thought if people didn't like my talks and they all walked out,
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that would be wonderful because I could now be a hermit and that's what monks are really supposed to do.
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And if they like my talks, that's wonderful too because then I can share with everybody.
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So for me, it didn't really matter.
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If you like the talks, great.
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If you don't like the talks, that's even better.
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So actually I gave a talk on radio the other night, it was on Philip Adams, Saturday night, Tuesday night life or something.
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Anyway, late night life, yeah, very late.
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But unfortunately it was late in Sydney or Melbourne or wherever he was, but not so late in Perth.
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It was actually one of the other monks, Ajahn Brahmali got me into that.
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I don't really like doing those things late at night, but I thought it doesn't matter.
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If it works, that's good.
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If it doesn't work, he won't bother me anymore.
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So I had a nice time, I was pretty relaxed.
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One of the questions was asked, if you didn't hear it, is Buddhism a religion?
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Because many people say Buddhism is a philosophy, not a religion.
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So when I replied to him, I said, well, Buddhism is a religion for tax purposes.
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Because we have to pay the bills, and it's nice to get a bit of tax relief.
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So because you're really relaxed and you're having a bit of fun, that's sometimes when you come across very well.
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When you haven't got any fear, you come across as confident.
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And in that confidence, you usually perform well.
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You can crack jokes and have a bit of humour in life.
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And that's one of the reasons why I crack jokes.
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I don't care if you don't like the joke.
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I don't care because I like the joke and I laugh.
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And that's That's good enough for me.
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So understanding that just not worrying what other people think of you is a way
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that you can actually do what you think is the right thing to do, say what you think is the right thing to do,
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and have this beautiful sense of freedom rather than always spending your whole life trying to please others.
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I looked at my life a long time ago and I thought, is that really a way to live a life?
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Always worrying what other people think of you and how they judge you and what they say about you.
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Of course, when I first came to the West as a Buddhist monk with a bald head and with these robes on,
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that was really good fun because you really look weird.
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Because Sometimes you look weird, sometimes, ah this one event which I will never forget, I can picture it now.
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When we first came to Perth, we lived in actually a house in North Perth, in Magnolia Street.
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Many of you may remember that house in Magnolia Street.
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And we were working really hard.
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I was the main builder of our monastery.
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And so we'd come up on a Friday evening, Ajahn Chakrab would give the talk, I would spend most of the weekend sleeping because I was really so tired.
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On Sunday afternoon we'd actually load up the vehicle, which was an old VW.
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It's amazing how much stuff we would get in that vehicle.
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I remember picking up a whole heap of wood once from the timber yard.
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It was packed inside a VW.
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Inside you couldn't move all the timber.
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We put it on the top on the roof rack as well.
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The guy who packed it in there said, you Buddhist monks must be really good at praying.
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How that car can move, we don't know.
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You must have somebody on your side.
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But that particular day, I was packing that car with stuff, and this young girl came out.
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And she was about like 12 or 13 years of age.
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She was visiting her auntie or something next door.
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And she came and looked at me in my robe.
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And she came right up.
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She put her hands on her hip.
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She looked up and down at me with utter disgust, which only about a 12 or 13 year old can do.
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She looked up at me and said, You're dressed like a girl!
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That's sick!
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Yuck!
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That made me laugh so much.
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I thought, what a wonderful thing that was.
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She was really trying to embarrass me.
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She was trying to upset me.
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I thought it was terribly funny.
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So she was very disappointed with my reaction.
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But you know, it was true what she said, I was dressed like a girl, but I'm a monk, not a girl.
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So you know, just because you wear these robes.
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But anyway, so you're not really afraid what other people think of you.
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And sometimes like being dressed like this, you create a lot of happiness.
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Look at your clothes here, it's all greys here this evening.
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At least I've got something bright on, something uplifting and something positive.
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Especially whenever I go to England, because people always, oh grey overcoats, and always black this and grey that, no one wears any colour in that country.
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So I remember going to one of those cities in the, they call it the black country.
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They used to do that because there was this industrial heart, you know the Midlands of UK, in a place, are you really cold over there?
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Ah, come on, have a warm heart.
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That's Buddhist air conditioning.
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Buddhist climate control.
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When it's hot, keep a cool head.
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When it's cold, keep a warm heart.
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That's called Buddhist air conditioning.
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But anyhow, back to the Midlands.
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When I went there to visit some relations, and I went on a walk early in the morning with my cousin.
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You know, exercise exercise.
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So we went on a walk and all the people we passed, they were pointing at me and laughing, ha ha ha, look at him, ha ha ha, look at that guy, ha ha ha.
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And I'd never got such a reaction in other cities in that country, but I was quite happy because I was making people laugh.
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And then I actually found out why they were laughing at me.
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We passed this big poster for a circus.
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The circus was in town and they really thought I was one of the clouds.
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Well, I didn't mind that.
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I thought it was really good fun.
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So, as a monk, why do you worry what people think of you?
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They don't know who you are.
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So why are you worried about what other people think or say about you?
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Isn't it a wonderful state of freedom not to be afraid what other people think of you or say about you,
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and instead to have this beautiful freedom from fear just to be who who you are, and who you want to be,
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and who you need to be, rather than always trying to please other people and try to avoid them criticizing.
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Because they don't criticize you anyway.
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They say bad things about you anyway.
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So why bother trying to stop them?
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They're going to do it anyway.
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So if you're going to call me an idiot, a fool, I might as well actually enjoy it be idiotic and be foolish.
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It's really good fun being an idiot, being a fool sometimes.
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You feel so free, you can do whatever you want.
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And do you know the eccentrics and English people are the, in the Guinness Book of Records, they're the most eccentric people in the whole world.
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And I'll never forget reading a story of this eccentric who lived again in this Midlands of England.
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And he lived on his roof.
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And he really did live on his roof.
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He had up there, he slept up there, not just in the summer time, in the winter time too, when it rained he was up on his roof, it snowed he was up on his roof, and he was really healthy.
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Because all these eccentrics, you know they always are very, very healthy people.
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And you know, it's a medical fact.
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And one of the things is, because they're not worried what other people think of you.
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People are worried what other people think of you.
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You're You're so tense and you're so fearful, that kills you at a young age.
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So my advice for you is go back tonight, get a ladder and go and sleep on your roof.
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Maybe not do that, but please don't do that because otherwise this Buddhist society of West Australia will be sued tonight.
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Ajahn Blum said I should do this.
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So please do not do that.
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But you can understand what I'm actually saying just be yourself,
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which means that you cannot be so afraid what other people think of you, you become fearless. And anyway,
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one of the ancient pieces of wisdom which I got a long time ago was about how when you're in your twenties,
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when you're a young person, that's when you really are very concerned what other people think of you.
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That's why young girls girls have to dress fashionably.
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That's why guys, they also have to be fashionable with their hair and with their speech.
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They have to have street cred or disco cred or nightclub cred.
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You see your kids like that.
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They're very, very concerned what their peers think of them.
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You've been through that, looking in your mirror, making sure that you're not going to get criticised by your friends
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because of the way you've got your hair or your clothes.
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they say when you're young you're really concerned what other people think of you
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But usually when you get into your 40s or 50s, you get what's called self -confidence.
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So you don't care how you dress or what your hair is like that much.
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You're going to do it anyway.
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In other words, you couldn't give a damn what other people think of you.
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You've got self -confidence.
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And then finally in your 60s, it's taking you all that time.
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In your 20s, you really can say what other people think of you.
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In your 40s, you don't care what other people think of you.
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In your 60s, you'll finally discover that people weren't thinking about you anyway.
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And if you could only discover that now.
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They're not thinking about you.
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You do what you want to do.
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Say what you want to say, because they're not thinking about you.
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They're usually thinking about themselves or somebody else.
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So that way you can be totally free of what other people think of me.
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And isn't that so much relaxing, so much of a bird like you're free from jail.
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But even deeper than that, go to that fear, that beyond fear,
383
so that you are totally free to be happy, to be peaceful.
384
Because I found that there's a lot of times that people, when they live a monastic life or they start a spiritual life, You can go so far,
385
but you're afraid of going further.
386
I notice many people in our society are actually afraid to be happy.
387
And it's something which has been deeply brainwashed into us, that it's wrong to be happy.
388
Maybe you may think that so many people are suffering, so many people are hurting, so many people are poor, so many people are hungry.
389
Why should I be happy?
390
I'll tell you one reason why.
391
Because it's one less person that people like me have to worry about.
392
And the people who are hungry, the people who are in pain, they like to see someone who's happy.
393
It lifts them up as well.
394
So don't use as an excuse the fact that other people are suffering.
395
there's a reason why you shouldn't be happy.
396
If everybody felt like that, no one would ever be happy.
397
So you break the mold.
398
You be happy.
399
Another reason, and this is a deeper reason, is a lot of people think they don't deserve to be happy.
400
And that is one of the obstacles which I have come across as a teacher,
401
that you get people so far and they're free of many of their difficulties and problems, and then they go and create more problems for themselves.
402
What are you doing that for?
403
You talk to them, you get to know them and you realise that they are actually afraid of being happy.
404
There's a sense that they are used to who they are, the pain, the difficulty.
405
They are literally attached to suffering.
406
Fascinating thing to know, but many of you are attached to suffering.
407
There's one story, one anecdote from the early years of my spiritual search.
408
In the days of the hippies, there was this really weird guy called Ram Dass.
409
If anyone has been in this business as long as me, Baba Ram Dass.
410
He was actually a psychologist from Harvard University who dropped out,
411
started experimenting with drugs, went to India and came back as a guru,
412
as one of these Western Indian gurus with long hair and beads, the whole works.
413
He really looked weird.
414
Much more weird than me.
415
He was actually Ajahn Brahm but with long hair.
416
He wrote some interesting things.
417
One of the anecdotes was he had one of his disciples, this young girl, maybe 20s or 30s,
418
and her father was really sick in hospital with one of these terrible diseases.
419
She invited her guru, this Ram Dass, to come and visit her father.
420
Maybe he could do something because he was in constant pain.
421
The doctors, in this medical facility weren't able to get the right drug to release him from his agony.
422
So she went in with this guru
423
and as soon as this redneck American saw this crazy guy with long hair and beads and his hippie robes,
424
he said, get away, I don't want to talk to you.
425
So he was just standing in the corner while the man's daughter was just talking with him and just holding his hand.
426
And this Ram Dass guy thought, well I'm not doing anything, maybe I'll give this guy a foot massage.
427
And so he started giving him reflexology. And it felt nice.
428
So the guy let him do this.
429
And after two or three minutes, all his pain disappeared.
430
When he realised for the first time in many days he was pain free, he told that guru, get off my feet, leave them alone.
431
Because he'd rather have the pain than have the pain relieved and be totally confused by something he didn't understand.
432
He was afraid of having his world view challenged.
433
There are many ways that fear stops us from being happy, stops us being free of pain.
434
I remember I think I was with Dennis once, we went to a grief and loss conference and I will never forget
435
when I gave a talk on how to escape from grief, especially the grief of a family member who tragically died,
436
and being bailed up afterwards by an elderly lady who was so angry at me.
437
She was angry at me for trying to take away her grief.
438
At that I realised that that lady was attached to her pain.
439
She was afraid to let go of the pain, even though it would be freeing for her, she'd rather have the pain.
440
I've seen so often people are attached to even negative things because really all fear,
441
all fear is knowing that something which you're attached to is being taken away from you.
442
It's the attachment is the cause of that fear.
443
This This is my pain.
444
This is my grief.
445
And I don't want you to take it away.
446
Which is why when the Buddha started talking about attachments, he got very deep into the psychology of the mind and realized that that,
447
that was the cause of fear.
448
The more attachments you have, the more likely you are to be afraid.
449
If you're attached to the possessions in your house, you're afraid of burglars.
450
If you realise, well these things don't really belong to me anyway, I just use them for a time.
451
Burglar comes, burglar doesn't come, well, you know it's only things.
452
If you're attached to your relationships, you think these are the most important part of your life and you can't exist without my partner, what would I do without you darling?
453
You know you'll do pretty well after you get over the separation as people usually do.
454
I've seen that many, many times.
455
You survive.
456
But when we think that we're so attached, that's where the fear comes from.
457
And look, going back to relationships, when you think like that, when you think that I can't live without you,
458
then that fear, coming from the attachment, gives rise to controlling.
459
I'm saying this is fear, where it comes from is attachment, but what it leads to is this terrible controlling.
460
Sometimes people are so afraid of losing their partner, they control their partner so much, the relationship is so like being in a prison,
461
it's so uncomfortable, it's so painful, the relationship finishes.
462
That's tragic.
463
The thing you're afraid of, you bring about because of your controlling nature.
464
Have you ever noticed that that's where all control comes from, from fear?
465
That's why governments use fear, that's why those religions use fear, the world is going to end tomorrow, so that controls you.
466
There's too many migrants coming into Australia on the boats, it's controlling you.
467
All fear is a means of control.
468
So really be afraid, be concerned about that.
469
And all the fear of something's going to go wrong in my life means you try and control your body, you control your life, you don't let go, you don't get tense.
470
So you get too tense, you don't learn how to relax, which is why usually things do go wrong.
471
How many people are being afraid of getting cancer, getting all these other terrible diseases which are out there?
472
People who are really afraid of this are usually the people who get it.
473
I went to many, many malaria areas in Thailand.
474
Other people got malaria, not me.
475
Because I think I wasn't afraid of it.
476
Because I wasn't afraid of these things, I didn't tense up.
477
Because I didn't tense up and get stressed and worry so much, my immune system was much stronger.
478
Why is it that some people get diseases and some people don't?
479
Fear is one of the most important parts of why people get diseases.
480
Fear, control, tension, stress, immune deficiency.
481
Be careful of fear.
482
But anyway, if the fear comes from their attachments, you know, what am I attached to?
483
I'm not attached to my reputation.
484
That's why I can talk about anything at any time.
485
If I make a mistake, say something stupid, who cares?
486
I'm not going to worry about it.
487
I'm not attached to my reputation.
488
I'm not attached to my things.
489
So if I lose something, that's okay.
490
I don't own it anyway.
491
If I get sick and die, I don't own my body, I can let it go.
492
But in particular, sort of, when I'm not attached to any pain or suffering, I allow myself to be happy.
493
I'm not afraid of happiness.
494
Are you afraid to be happy?
495
Why is it you can't enjoy happiness when it's given to you?
496
Why is it that sometimes you're at home having a wonderful day and you think, something must be wrong, I'm happy.
497
There was a nun who visited Perth many, many years ago.
498
She was Australian, but she was ordained over in the UK.
499
Okay.
500
And again, this was one of those experiences which made me very sad.
501
She was getting into a very, very deep state of meditation, almost into these amazing jhanas, incredible bliss and power.
502
She was right on the edge.
503
And I was teaching her, encouraging her, showing what to overcome next, but she got so close that she couldn't go any further.
504
And I was at my wits end of trying to think, what's going wrong?
505
Why can't you go further?
506
Why How can you go all the way?
507
And then she told me, she said, I don't think I deserve so much happiness.
508
When I heard that, to me it was like a dagger inside.
509
I think, oh come on, you do deserve such happiness.
510
Who told you you can't deserve such happiness?
511
Why can't you be free?
512
Who said that?
513
A lot of times it's again our conditioning happening, when we're very young, we think, no, no, you don't deserve to be happy, you've got to work for it.
514
Or you've got to do something for it.
515
Or you've got to pray to a god, maybe you're happy when you die.
516
Or maybe you've got to get enlightenment and then you can be happy.
517
So much stuff in our lives is saying, no, you can't be happy now.
518
That's something which I rejected.
519
Something when I saw Buddhism I realised that is actually wrong.
520
You don't need anything to be happy.
521
There's no entry fee to happiness.
522
Everybody in this room qualifies.
523
So you're not rejected, you're not shut out.
524
It's not like some sort of elite club where you have to be elected as a member to be rich
525
or to have connections in order to join.
526
The The Happiness Club is free and open to everybody, so please come in, enjoy it.
527
You know one of the reasons we're afraid, because when you're really, really happy, have you ever noticed it's when you really let go, you lose control?
528
That's one of the things with happiness.
529
You can't control it anymore, you just have to disappear into that happiness.
530
Because much of the time when you start to control things, you usually make it much worse.
531
When you let go, then happiness comes.
532
This is why we meditate.
533
So you can experience this for yourselves.
534
When you try to meditate, it never works.
535
When you let go, then it does work.
536
I was just talking to some of the monks a couple of days ago, actually to Ajahn Bharmali when I picked him up.
537
He's just come back from Singapore on Thursday.
538
That was actually yesterday.
539
He was one of these star meditators who lives in Kuala Lumpur.
540
She was on one of the meditation retreats which I was given over in Thailand and she was just like everybody else, was getting nowhere, trying to meditate,
541
maybe getting into the breath, maybe getting quiet and then sort of nothing happening and just after eight or nine days, just really so frustrated as some people are.
542
And then we had the end of the retreat.
543
We finished, gave all the blessings, metta meditation, finished off and lunch was in about 45 minutes or an hour.
544
After the lunch, the buses were to take you back to the airport.
545
People were supposed to go and use that time to clean up their rooms.
546
But she had another bus or another flight, so you wasn't leaving until late afternoon.
547
She told me she had an hour to kill, nothing to do.
548
So she thought, I might as well meditate. to kill time.
549
And that's when she wasn't expecting anything, she didn't try and control her mind, she didn't do anything, she just did nothing.
550
Brilliant.
551
That's when she got a beautiful meditation.
552
And I love it when people have their first really deep meditation, because they come up to me, and the nearest thing I can describe is when a young girl,
553
a young boy falls in love.
554
You know, and they've just all got sparkles in their eyes, and the whole world is beautiful.
555
Oh, I do brah, it's so nice, it's so wonderful, oh life is so good and so happy.
556
Because that's what happens when you get deep meditation, you get enormous happiness.
557
And she did that because she never expected it, she stopped controlling and she got all this happiness.
558
Sometimes people are afraid of that happiness.
559
Please don't be afraid.
560
Yes, you're out of control.
561
You can't control it.
562
Let it be.
563
Why control it?
564
You're having a great time.
565
You have to get out of the way.
566
It's you.
567
You are the problem.
568
The attachment to you, the controller, the one who owns things, the one who does things in the whole life, that's what has to disappear in order to really bliss out.
569
So why are we afraid?
570
I mention this because, again, even in the time of the Buddha, the Buddha would actually point out that in the spiritual path,
571
you'll come across many barriers of fear.
572
Fear whether you deserve to go further, fear of the enormous happiness and power of going further.
573
But that fear, please let it be, overcome it.
574
You deserve happiness, you can do it and the bliss which is beyond your control is worth it.
575
Just as a personal anecdote, just remember just whilst being really so close to very deep states of meditation
576
and it was like you were standing on the edge of a cliff.
577
You didn't really want to jump because, oh, can I handle this?
578
A lot of fear.
579
A lot of fear because you're really going to lose your sense of self and lose control.
580
But then it looks so nice in there.
581
It was so joyful and so wonderful, but no, it's just too fearful.
582
But it was so beautiful, but no I can't do it, but it's so nice !" And eventually I'm going for it.
583
Those of you who are adventurous, those of you who've got courage, you're the ones who make great strides in the spiritual life.
584
The courage to let go, the courage to allow happiness to come in your life, the courage to be free.
585
Often say that your life is like being lived in a prison cell.
586
You are in prison, but you should realize by now, your cell door is open.
587
You can walk out any time.
588
But just like real prisoners, sometimes they don't want to be free.
589
They're afraid of the world beyond their cell door.
590
They're afraid of new things, strange things.
591
They're afraid of even happiness.
592
I think you know what I'm talking about.
593
It may be the sell of your past, the guilt which you may have of something you've done.
594
It may be just your comfort zone. But be adventurous. Be free. Be peaceful.
595
Allow happiness to come and don't be afraid of it.
596
Don't think that there's something wrong somewhere.
597
I know in this one of the most extreme of the Christian paths was puritanism.
598
Somebody once sent me a definition of puritanism and that was the fear.
599
It was a fear thing.
600
It was a fear that somewhere, someone is being happy.
601
and always thinking that no, no pain, no gain, they kept on saying.
602
And that is wrong.
603
No happiness, no gain.
604
That is the path of Buddhism.
605
No happiness, no gain.
606
So this should be a happy path.
607
Don't be afraid of that happiness.
608
Because the more you come to places like this, the more you develop your meditation, the more you develop your insight, it's going We're gonna get happier and happier and happier.
609
That's what we mean, letting go of problems, letting go of suffering, being free.
610
So don't be afraid to be free.
611
You're like little birds, coming out of the little chicks, coming out of the eggs, cracking into the sunlight.
612
It must be very scary for those little chicks to come out of the egg.
613
It must be even more frightening to fly for the first time.
614
But once you start flying, mum and dad can't stop you anymore.
615
Little baby birds are off, having a time of their lives.
616
That's what spiritual life is about, being free, flying off.
617
Even though you're leaving your little egg, you're leaving your parents, you're leaving all that you've known.
618
But the call of freedom, of happiness is so great, really you won't be able to resist it.
619
So don't be afraid of freedom.
620
Don't be afraid of happiness.
621
When those barriers come, take the path of happiness, take the path of freedom, take the path of peace.
622
It's worth it.
623
You don't have to do so much in your life.
624
I only do so much because I always say yes to invitations.
625
Yes when people invite me. Be free. Do nothing. Be happy.
626
See what happens.
627
I lost my clock and the clock at the back has stopped, so that must be about right.
628
It is not bad, 5 -2, it's upside down.
629
So that's the talk this evening about fear and overcoming fear, especially overcoming the fear of freedom and happiness.
630
Thank you for listening. So, any questions?
631
And please do not be afraid to ask the question.
632
Any questions tonight?
633
You is?
634
Yeah.
635
Aha, yes.
636
You weren't paying attention?
637
That's very good.
638
Well done.
639
So it's obviously very peaceful.
640
Are you in deep meditation?
641
Contemplating emptiness?
642
Yes, something like that, yeah.
643
Okay, I've got a friend, he had a sort of, is it tumour you said?
644
It happened, but he's actually lost, he's losing his eyesight.
645
Okay.
646
Yeah, summing up with the brain.
647
I've known many, many people who've had disabilities, disabilities, and great disabilities, small disabilities,
648
the usual case is that they get to realise that life is not diminished.
649
There is something much more important than even seeing or hearing.
650
What's this case?
651
There was a case of, I wrote about this in one of my books, there was a case which I read in a scientific journal.
652
There was a boy who was born deaf.
653
One day his parents took him for a medical checkup with his GP.
654
His GP had just read an article in one of the medical magazines
655
that some researchers had found
656
that 10 % of children who were born deaf could have their hearing restored with a very simple operation,
657
but only 10%.
658
So the doctor said, it seems that your boy might be one of those 10%, would you like to give it a try?
659
The parents asked, is it really invasive, is it going to be a pain?
660
It's going to be a bit of discomfort, but who knows, your kid may hear as a result of the operation.
661
So the parents gave the child the operation and And it worked.
662
The child could hear again.
663
And as soon as the child recovered from the operation, with his hearing restored, he was really angry and upset at his parents.
664
He said, why did you not ask me if I wanted to hear?
665
He said, this is a terrible, terrible noise.
666
I've got to figure this one out now.
667
He said, if you really wanted to help me, give me another hand.
668
because he had learned to use his hands to explore the world where other people would have used sound.
669
When I realized that this was a person who was deaf, he was a person who understood what it was like, and he said it was actually much better.
670
He preferred being deaf than having all of that mind space,
671
that brain space, used for other parts of his senses to explore the world.
672
You find that people who are missing one sense or deficient in one sense, the mind compensates and the other senses are really, really acute.
673
There's something happening there.
674
Yeah, the sense of sight may be diminished, but the mind is never diminished.
675
Really, the mind does not need to be disabled just because one sense of sight is lost.
676
People who have survived great traumas,
677
paraplegics, it is the strength of their mind which gives him this enormous quality of life.
678
Stayed like Stephen Hawkins, this incredible sort of mathematician, philosopher.
679
I think he was 20 when he was 21, 22, when he was diagnosed with motor neurone disease.
680
Whenever he gets on TV, the only way he can talk is through a synthesizer but just a powerful strong mind.
681
It's not just his ability in physics and mathematics which was astounding, but it's also his quality of life.
682
He's a happy person, even just wheelchair -bound, hardly able to talk.
683
Disability is a physical thing.
684
You should never allow to make the mind diminished.
685
It's a saying of the Buddha, even though the body is sick, you don't need to make the mind sick with it.
686
However, many people do that.
687
They identify with the body so much, they attach to the body so much that when part of the body goes, they think that's the end.
688
It's not the end.
689
The mind is paramount.
690
So other parts of his sensory faculties will be enhanced when he can't see, he can hear much more deeply and he can feel much more.
691
And people who have done that, they say, I can feel just what you will never be able to feel, Ajahn Brahm.
692
And I can hear such things which are beyond you. Am I disabled?
693
You're disabled.
694
They say, Ajahn Brahm, you're disabled.
695
Understand?
696
I don't know, maybe you can actually suggest that to your friend.
697
Sorry?
698
Don't get a lie there.
699
Well, if he doesn't like it, then maybe don't tell it to him.
700
At least not all in one go.
701
But just as he loses his sight, you can actually maybe encourage him to say,
702
well, there's other parts of you which are going to grow instead.
703
There's other parts which are going to compensate.
704
Discover what those parts are.
705
So in other words, give him something to do, something to investigate, someplace to go.
706
Okay, well that's the best I can give you on a Friday night in five minutes.
707
Thank you.
708
Thank you.
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Why This Video Is Great for English Speaking Practice
This clip from Ajahn Brahm’s talk is ideal for english speaking practice because it blends conversational flow with natural storytelling. The relaxed tone and mix of everyday phrases (“hello, how are you going?”) and descriptive language (“2.7 meters long”) make it easy to follow while exposing learners to real-world speech patterns. The content also sparks engagement, which helps maintain focus during practice—key for effective learning.
Breaking Down Natural English Phrases
Let’s look at 3 phrases that sound authentic and why:
- “They were making a killing these people”: This casual idiom (“making a killing”) means earning a lot of money quickly. Native speakers often use such phrases to add color, and the word order (“these people” at the end) is typical in conversational English, not formal writing.
- “You may know that there was a philosopher…”: The phrase “you may know that” is a natural way to introduce a known fact, softening the tone and inviting the listener in. It’s a common tool for connecting with an audience.
- “It was hiding from the sunshine. It was actually next to the brick wall.”: Short, simple sentences like these are standard in spoken English. Repeating “it was” creates rhythm, and “actually” adds emphasis, making the story feel immediate.
A Simple Shadowing Routine to Improve Pronunciation
Use the shadowing technique with this video to boost your pronunciation and fluency. Here’s how: 1. Watch the video once to understand the context. 2. Play a 5-10 second clip, pause, and repeat it aloud, mimicking the tone, speed, and stress. Focus on matching Ajahn Brahm’s natural rhythm. 3. Record yourself and compare it to the original—note where your pronunciation differs (e.g., “enraptured” or “Abhaya mudra”). 4. Repeat daily for 10-15 minutes. For extra practice, use a shadowing app or shadowing site to slow down clips if needed. This loop trains your mouth to form English sounds correctly and helps you think in the language, not just translate. Over time, you’ll notice smoother speech and less hesitation—key for confident english speaking practice.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | If it doesn't work, he won't bother |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to do |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've told · I've dealt · have gone |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | being enraptured · be left · is called |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.