Shadowing Practice: Tips on What to do When You're Feeling Like a Failure (Storytime) - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Hello Brains, let's talk about failure.

Growing up, a lot of those of us with ADHD heard a lot about how much potential we have

and how we're failing to meet it.

And when we failed to reach our potential, when we failed to do the thing we thought we were supposed to be able to do, we would try harder.

And when that didn't work, we felt like we ourselves were failures.

And a lot of the time it was blaming ourselves or blaming our efforts.

And I just want to put a bit of a different perspective on it What I used to do

when I felt like I was failing was try harder to

do more now I take a bit of a different approach because now I understand that failure is kind of a

Systemic thing.

It's rarely just about lack of effort It's really not

because I'm a bad person or I'm not trying hard enough for the most part.

It's usually a systemic issue Sometimes I'm running into these invisible barriers

because I do have ADHD and I do live in a world That's not exactly built for people with ADHD.

You can see my video on ADHD friendly here sometimes I need a little extra support.

I need accommodations.

I need body doubling.

I need whatever to help me be successful at the thing.

But sometimes no matter how much support I get or I give myself, I'm still finding myself failing at something.

So I agreed to write a book and I was really lucky in that I didn't have to write a book proposal.

I was able to sell it directly to a publisher

and skip the part where I have to like figure out exactly what the layout is going to look like

and you know write a chapter

and like I got to skip a lot of the work

that normally would be done before somebody starts writing a book

but I was still given the same amount of time to write a book which was a year.

Knowing I only had a year to write this book I was like okay

so what I'll do is give myself two weeks to write the first chapter

because I figured that'll take a little longer and then after

that every time I went to write a chapter I gave myself a week

and I planned out my whole year like this right and it was like a pretty reasonable schedule.

I thought like cool I did it like I figured out how to get this into a year

and as long as I can stick stick to the schedule

as long as I can stay on track then I'll have

a book written in a year well I went to start writing this book

but I got into it

and I realized oh I need to figure out actually what good what the book is going to look like

and what's the structure going to be

and figure out a lot of logistical things

and then by the time I got started writing chapter one I I realized I couldn't actually finish

that in the two weeks so I gave myself an extra week to write

that first chapter it's a little failure it's fine we'll get back on track I wrote

that first chapter and then I got notes on it

and I realized I didn't like my first chapter I wanted to rewrite it

so I thought about it more and I and I rewrote it

and then I rewrote it again and

and at this point I'm about six weeks in

and I was only supposed to take two weeks to write the first chapter

so I'm immediately starting this process off feeling like an absolute failure

and just time after time every time I went to write

this book to do a portion of my book I was failing to hit the deadlines I'd set for myself

and I felt scared

because I was like I'm really failing at this like I've

got to try harder you know let me give up my nights

and weekends let me work harder faster or or whatever I didn't know

but I felt like I need to be putting more effort into this

because I'm failing then I did the math one morning

when I was supposed to sit down and write I was

so discouraged and just absolutely in tears

that I looked at the breakdown of now now

that I understood what the structure of the chapters

and everything were going to be I looked at how

that was going to actually realistically fit in my schedule

and I know that I'm I'm the kind of person who overwrites and so

if I need a 4 ,000 word chapter at the end

of the week I need to write like 12 ,000 words like brain dump like 12 ,000 words

and then I looked it up I decided to look it

up how many words does a professional author write in a day

and the answer is not 12 ,000 it was anywhere from like 2 ,500 to like 3 ,500 max per day.

And I was expecting myself to bring them about 12 ,000 words in one day.

And I'm just like, that's, that might be the problem.

Like my markers for success were not realistic.

I was failing not because I wasn't trying hard enough.

And so effort was not the issue.

The actual issue is that what I was asking of myself was unrealistic.

The markers of success I had set for myself were so, so unattainable that it was not going to happen. And so

I decided to change my markers for success

and this was scary this was a problem because

if I gave myself this realistic schedule I wouldn't even have

the first draft finished I would start the first draft

that week but I would have to finish the first draft next week

and then do the second draft the next week

so really realistically I needed two weeks to write a chapter

and that wasn't going to be easy

but at least it was doable looking back through my life

pretty much every time I felt like an absolute utter failure it was

because what I expected from myself was unrealistic either

because it was something that no human was truly capable of doing

or because it was something that I saw my neurotypical friends

or my neurotypical mom doing that was not something that I could do.

One thing that helps me be successful with my goals is Copilot.

Copilot is a one -on -one coaching service where you connect with a personal trainer who designs workouts

that work for you based on your current fitness level, whatever equipment you have available, and however long you want to work out.

You meet via video calls to talk about your goals and individual needs.

Then your coach tracks your workouts and keeps you accountable with regular check -ins.

I love my coach so much.

Her name is Darian.

She's incredibly encouraging, checks in if I miss a day, and reminds me to do a video call once in a

while so we can talk about my goals and progress on a deeper level.

100

The last call we had, she helped me figure out that I was ready to change things up a bit.

101

I realized I'd actually been so consistent I was starting to get bored, which is kind of cool because it means I'm feeling confident in movements that used to be hard for me,

102

but my brain doesn't like to keep doing things it finds boring.

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So she put together a whole new program for me where each workout I can focus on something different.

104

Balance, power and agility, handstands.

105

She also added in things like walking my dog on Saturdays, which my watch can track or I can just check that I did.

106

This is the longest I've ever stalked to any fitness program and I think it's because it's so ADHD friendly.

107

I don't have to leave my house to do the workouts.

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I don't even have to plan my workouts because Darian does

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that for me and between talking with her and being able to share my workouts with friends in the app, I have the accountability and support I need to keep going.

110

If you'd like to try it out, click my link to get 14 days free with your expert fitness and health coach.

111

It is available on iOS now but starting June 27th it'll be available on Android as well.

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So I don't know I just think it's really important for our community to recognize

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that sometimes when we're feeling like we're failing sometimes it's

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because it's not a good fit sometimes it's because we don't have the support we need

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sometimes it's

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because it's not actually doable no matter how much support no matter how good the fit like it's not doable

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and so one of the best things we can do for ourselves is adjust the markers of success

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and I did not want to do this right

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because I'm like well but I was gonna be

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so proud of myself like being done early like I wanted

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to be done by Christmas the book's not due till January 31st like I really wanted to well that's nice

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but me refusing to acknowledge that this actually takes me longer than I've given myself all

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that would do is make me feel like I was continuing to fail throughout the entire writing process

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and guess what I still would turn that book in late.

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By acknowledging early that what I had planned to do was not going to be doable for me, I was able to adjust it.

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And the last time I sat down to write, I actually enjoyed it because I got to feel successful.

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I got to hit that deadline.

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And that gave me the encouragement and the motivation that I needed to be willing to show up again the next day.

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For those of us who do have issues with emotional regulation, I think making sure that we're not setting ourselves up for failure is really important

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or setting ourselves up for disappointment or discouragement by setting goals for ourselves that aren't within our control,

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are too challenging, are really better suited to other people.

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I mean, we put so much emphasis on what we're doing to reach our goals

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that we don't put as much thought into what are those goals though?

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Like, do those goals make sense for us?

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Are they achievable for us?

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Are they too easy?

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Which incidentally can make things harder to do for those with ADHD

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because like oh I'm bored or are they too challenging in

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which case we get discouraged we want to aim for moderately challenging we want to be in the

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in education they call it the proximal zone of development we want to be at

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that point where it's exciting and engaging and hard but not

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so hard that we can't do it not so hard

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that we give up so a good way to to figure out

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if your goals are too hard is how often are you succeeding at them.

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If every week you're missing your deadlines, there's something wrong there.

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Either it's not a good fit.

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You're not getting the support you need or, or the goals, your markers for success are unrealistic.

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And it's important to remember that even if somebody else is hitting those goals, that doesn't mean that you can, because they might be working with a different operating system.

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You know, their, their brain works differently.

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They're in a different field.

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I think

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that sweet spot is like oh we've got time like it's

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I don't need to like then it's probably not challenging enough and

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if we're like constantly failing constantly discouraged constantly not hitting those

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goals then they're too ambitious those goals are too ambitious

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or outside our control right like it might be a perfectly reasonable goal

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but like their goals about somebody else's behavior

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or like you know it's it's something if something is too far outside your control um that can be really

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a really good way to set yourself up for failure too I got really frustrated once

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because I had a friend who was neurotypical

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and I was dating this guy at the time

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and I was like I keep failing at everything that I'm doing

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and he was like well yeah everybody fails at stuff

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and he was like I was like well no not my

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friend like my this neurotypical friend I was like my neurotypical

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friend never fails at anything like everything he sets out to do he does

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and my boyfriend looks at me

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and says how many things is he trying to do

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and I realized not nearly as many as I was trying to do

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so that's another thing to recognize too sometimes

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when we're failing at things it's because we're trying to do too many things at the same time.

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It's almost like a bunch of people trying to fit through

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a doorway all at the same time that's not going to

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go well right like one at a time one project at a time one task at a time monotasking

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and often we try to do it as a way of

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catching up as a way of making up for for falling behind

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but if we try and do everything at the same time

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or we constantly switch our goals we're not going to really make a whole lot of progress compared

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if we just pick one or two or three

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and focus on those so yeah moral of the story

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if you feel like you're failing there are a lot of reasons for

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that that don't involve I'm a horrible human

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and like I suck at everything

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and like who let me do this I'm terrible there are a lot of reasons for

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that failure and they're systemic it's what is the goal

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that you're setting what kind of support do you have how

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many things are you trying to do at the same time how interested in it are you like really

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if we're interest -based learners we're interest -based doers if it's something

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that really really really bores you all the effort in the

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world is not is probably not going to help you toward

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that goal because it's it's just not how our brains work

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and so finding ways to get ourselves interested in it

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or switching to something

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that is a better fit is a better option than continuing to essentially try to nail jello to the wall

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which is essentially what we're doing when we're trying to do something that like does not interest us at all.

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Remember like a lot of times people will make us feel like we're failing

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when we're actually doing pretty well because their markers for success might be different than ours.

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That's my two cents.

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I will get off my soapbox now.

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Thank you to my brain advocates and all my Patreon brains for giving me a soapbox.

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I hope this was helpful.

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I needed to hear it come out of my mouth.

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I needed to be reminded of it.

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Again, if you want to try out Copilot, I put the link in the description below.

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Like, subscribe, click all the things, and I will see you next video.

206

Bye brains!

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Thank you.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This video has 207 sentences and 2607 words to shadow. The speech runs for 11:43. The speaker talks fast, about 222 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
workout noun	/ˈwɝk.aʊ̯t/	An exercise session; a period of physical exercise.
marker noun	/ˈmɑː(ɹ)kə(ɹ)/	A felt-tipped pen, a marker pen.
bore verb	/boɹ/	To inspire boredom in somebody.
fitness noun	/ˈfɪt.nəs/	The condition of being fit, suitable or appropriate.
deadline noun	/ˈdɛdˌlaɪn/	A time limit in the form of a date on or before which something must be completed.
systemic adjective	/sɪˈstɛm.ɪk/	Embedded within and spread throughout and affecting a whole system, group, body, economy, market, or society.
discourage verb	/dɪsˈkɝɪd͡ʒ/	To extinguish the courage of; to dishearten; to depress the spirits of; to deprive of confidence; to deject.
unrealistic adjective		Not realistic.
essentially adverb	/ɪˈsɛnʃəli/	In essence: by nature.
remind verb	/ɹəˈmaɪnd/	To cause one to experience a memory (of someone or something); to bring to the notice or consideration (of a person).
skip verb	/skɪp/	To move by hopping on alternate feet.
acknowledge verb	/əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ/	To admit the knowledge of; to recognize as a fact or truth; to declare one's belief in.
realistic adjective	/ˌɹɪəˈlɪs.tɪk/	Expressed or represented as being accurate, practicable, or not idealistic.
adjust verb	/əˈd͡ʒʌst/	To modify.
ambitious adjective	/æmˈbɪʃ.əs/	Having or showing ambition; wanting a lot of power, honor, respect, superiority, or other distinction.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
figure out verb	To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
give up verb	To surrender (someone or something); to inform on (someone).
catch up verb	To pick up suddenly.
fall behind verb	To be late (for a regular event)
get off verb	To move from being on top of (something) to not being on top of it.
grow up verb	To mature and become an adult.
look back verb	To think of (past events) in retrospect (in hindsight).
plan out verb	to plan, organize, make a plan for something

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 71 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, we're, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, ambitious /æmˈbɪʃ.əs/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/, publisher /ˈpʌblɪʃɚ/
Long words — get the stress right: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like workout, marker, bore.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
“Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true	used to do · used to be
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	would be done · was still given · being done
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	book which was · person who overwrites · bored, which is
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	I've ever stalked · I've given

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: Tips on What to do When You're Feeling Like a Failure (Storytime) - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

Grammar in this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?