Shadowing Practice: What is Resilience and How Do I Improve it? | Kati Morton - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

Hey everybody, happy Monday!

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Hey everybody, happy Monday!

Now today we're going to talk about resiliency and how we can build up our own.

Because I don't know about you,

but it seems like everyone is talking about it and how important it is.

But no one is talking about what it really is or how we can cultivate it.

But before we jump into that,

are you new to my channel?

Welcome!

Make sure you are subscribed and have your notifications turned on so that when I release a video,

you don't miss out.

Okay, let's get into resiliency.

Now, resiliency is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties or toughness.

But when it comes to our psychological health,

it's a bit more than that.

It's about our ability to manage any crisis or upset and get back to baseline quickly.

Meaning that life's ups and downs don't throw us off for that long.

We have tools and resources and we can bounce back quickly quickly.

And no, stuffing things down and pretending they didn't happen does not count as resiliency.

Just FYI.

And I've often in the past used the poker chip analogy to describe resilience.

And if you don't know what I'm talking about,

I've shared in other videos how we wake up with a certain number of poker chips.

It's just a nice visual.

And stressful or difficult things cost us some of those chips.

Others prefer to use the spoons analogy,

but either way, way we're talking about good old-fashioned resilience.

And I know you're wondering how do we know what our resilience is or how good or bad we're doing with it.

And the way to find that out is to notice

or even to think back to the last crisis that we had in our life.

Think about how long it took for you to get back to feeling like yourself.

Was it a quick turnaround like lickety split

or did we struggle for weeks months or maybe even years

if we bounce back easily we have more resilience and

if we struggle more to move past it we have less

but no matter how much resilience we have we can all benefit from more of it

and that's why today I'm sharing ten ways that we can all build resiliency.

And number one, journal.

I know some of you won't like this one or you don't even know how to get started in journaling.

And if you don't know I do have my journal club via YouTube memberships.

It's five dollars a month and I share a journal prompt

or a thought to get you going in your journal every Tuesday and Friday.

So that could really help.

What journaling really does is it It builds resilience because it helps us process all we may be feeling and going through.

Getting all of our thoughts,

upsets, worries, or whatever out and onto paper or a Google Doc,

whatever, it can help us see situations more clearly and possibly feel less weighed down by them.

And that in turn will help us move past any crisis more quickly and get back to our pre-crisis self.

My second tip, build a support system.

This could be online through my Facebook group or Seven Cups,

Better Help, Talkspace, or even our community as a whole,

or truly wherever you find support online.

But this should also be in person,

whether that's friends, family, coworkers, your therapist, psychiatrist.

And if you have trouble meeting people and making friends,

don't worry, I've got you.

I have some videos about that.

Just search Katie Morton, making friends,

and they'll pop right up.

And there's this quote that I love that really,

I don't know, I just feel like it totally expresses why support systems are helpful and so vital to our life.

And the quote is, a joy shared is a joy doubled.

A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.

Having people we can talk things out with can really help us work through it

and get back to being ourselves more quickly.

Now my third tip is to take care of your basic needs.

In DBT, I reference this all the time, we call this HALT.

And that stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.

And if we don't take care of those basic needs,

we aren't as resilient.

I mean, just think about it.

There's a reason people call it being hangry.

We get angry and are more easily upset when we're hungry.

And the same can be said if we're overly tired.

So if you need to take a break, take it.

If you're hungry, grab a snack or a meal.

And if you're sick, please see a doctor and take some time off.

Taking care of yourself is really the foundation of resilience.

So making that a priority will pay dividends for how well you manage anything life throws at you.

My fourth tip is to notice your self-talk.

I know I talk about this all the time.

But if we feel confident and good about ourselves,

we can take on more.

So notice.

Notice if you're talking shit to yourself or if you're being kind and compassionate.

If it's hard to be kind,

maybe think of what your best friend or mom would say to you and write those nice things down.

You could even improve your self-talk by ending each day by writing down three to five things that you like about yourself.

I know it can be really,

really hard, but nothing worth having is easy,

so stick with it and I swear you will feel the difference.

Also, if it's too hard to come up with the good things to say about yourself,

it's okay to use bridge statements.

For example, if saying that I look great and I'm important is just too much for me,

which I think it is for a lot of us, right?

Instead of trying to say that,

I could say, you know,

it is possible that I'm not as bad as I think I am.

Start there.

That will help bridge the gap between the nasty self-talk and the nice self-talk.

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Number five, live with purpose.

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Now I know that sounds like a big item and something

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that you can't just do in one day and while that is true it's also a lot simpler than you think.

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It could be helping raise awareness for a cause or issue that's important to you.

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Joining a sports team, yes they have them for all ages.

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Lawn bowling is huge where I live

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and it's filled with people in their 60s or you could start or join a book club.

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Whatever you get excited about or things that you want to improve in your area,

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make time to do that more.

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Start something locally.

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It gives you purpose, and that in turn helps you build resilience.

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Number six, become friends with your feelings.

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I know, I know, we all hate our feelings and want to ignore them so they'll go away.

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But we also know that that only causes us to explode with emotion at really inopportune times.

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So becoming friends with them is the most helpful and beneficial.

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And tracking them is a great place to start because if we've been stuffing them down,

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we may not even know what it is we're feeling.

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So Google a feelings chart,

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print some out, and start noticing three to five emotions you experience each day.

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And yes, they can be the same each and every day,

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but please try to come up with other emotion words to describe them,

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like for example, if you usually select sad,

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maybe come up with an alternative,

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like I felt down or upset.

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And once you've identified them,

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you can use your journal,

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back to tip number one,

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to write out where that emotion came from,

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why you think you feel the way you feel,

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and it can be so helpful and validating.

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And my next tip is to manage your impulses.

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People who are resilient still have impulses.

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They just also have a voice in their head that keeps it in check and they know that the urge will pass.

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And if they give into it,

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it will only make things worse.

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So get to know your own impulses.

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They could be urges to sabotage a relationship by starting a silly fight.

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Maybe it's an impulse to self-harm or engage in eating disorder behavior.

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Perhaps it's to overspend and shop online or abuse alcohol or other substances.

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Whatever it is, pay attention to what you tend to do and maybe regret later.

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Once you know what they are,

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then you can use an impulse log to fight against the urge.

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They have these in the Safe Alternatives app,

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but an impulse log truly is just,

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what is the impulse or what is it that you're wanting to do?

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What happened recently to lead to this impulse?

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What is it that I'm trying to not feel or not deal with?

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And what can I do instead?

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And that should really help you better manage any unhealthy impulses and get you back to feeling like yourself more quickly.

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Now my eighth tip is to learn to problem solve.

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And I know that sounds like a silly thing and everyone knows how to problem solve,

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but that's not true.

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So many of us have no clue how to problem solve.

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We can just stop talking to someone completely because they upset us

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or give up on a goal because one person told us that it was stupid.

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Don't let that happen to you.

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Overcoming obstacles is uncomfortable at times, but completely worth it.

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Something I do when I'm faced with a problem is I write out what the problem is,

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how I feel about it,

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and what the worst thing that could happen is.

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Then I consider what a neutral outcome of the problem is.

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And lastly, what I hope happens,

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like what's the ideal scenario.

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Then I take some time and I try to work backwards from the outcome that I want.

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What steps do I need to take to get there?

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What things can I control?

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What is out of my control

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that I need to let go of versus trying to hold on to that makes things worse?

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We do that.

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I do that.

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I know.

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But I know all of these steps,

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it can just seem really tedious.

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But it can really help us from letting one issue get under our skin

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and steal some of those poker chips that we've been working so hard to collect.

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And my ninth tip, grow your list of healthy coping skills.

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And I talk about this all the time,

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but coping skills are just things that we can do instead of the unhealthy

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or bad thing that we have that impulse to do.

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And we should be using these all the time.

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I know I do.

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I use different coping skills each and every day.

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For example, today I made time for yoga,

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so I had my own alone time and I got to relax a bit.

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And when I woke up,

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I forced myself to come up with three things that I was looking forward to.

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And I have a whole video about coping skills,

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so just search Katie Morton coping skills,

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and it will pop up if you need some more ideas.

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But try to come up with five and work your way into having 10 that you can use regularly.

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And make sure these really work for you.

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Because if we use coping skills each and every day,

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and not just when we're in crisis,

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we're sort of stockpiling our poker chips so that we're more resilient overall.

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And my 10th and final tip, set goals.

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I can't tell you how many of my patients don't have any goals, no goals.

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When I ask them, they aren't sure,

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and they'll be like, oh,

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well, I mean, I'm in therapy,

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like, so in therapy, I just wanna get better.

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Come on, people, we can do better than that.

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Let's start setting some goals.

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I know we're more used to doing this when we're children in school,

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or if we work in an organization where we have to build our way up,

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but we should still have things that we want to do in our personal life.

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Maybe it's travel based, relationship based.

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It could be work or a school goal too,

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or even small things we wanna do around our area,

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or improvements we wanna make on our home or apartment.

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What are your goals for the next month?

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How about six months?

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Start thinking about this and know that there is no judgment when it comes to your goals.

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It could be that you wanna shower three times this week because it's been really,

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really hard for you lately.

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Whatever it is, set it,

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write it down, and then work to make it happen.

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And I would also set smaller goals that you can accomplish today or this week,

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and then start looking farther and farther out.

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This will give you something to look forward to and help build your confidence in your own abilities,

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and overall, build your resilience.

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I hope you found that helpful.

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And please, if you have any other tips or ideas,

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Leave them in the comments down below because together we are working towards a healthy mind and a healthy body.

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And I will see you next time.

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Bye.

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Shadowing Practice: What is Resilience and How Do I Improve it? | Kati Morton - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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Shadowing Practice: What is Resilience and How Do I Improve it? | Kati Morton - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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What is the Shadowing Technique?