Shadowing Practice: Infertility when everyone else is pregnant | Kati Morton - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Hey everybody, happy Thursday.
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Now today we're going to talk about how to cope with everyone having babies around you when you're struggling with infertility.
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But before we jump into that, are you new to my channel?
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Welcome!
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I put out videos on Mondays and on Thursdays, so make sure you're subscribed and have your notifications turned on so that you don't miss out.
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But here's today's question.
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Katie, how do you cope with everyone around you having babies, being invited to baby showers, and having to be supportive of your friends?
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I spent my cousin's baby shower hiding tears in the bathroom.
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I left early and I felt so guilty.
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How do you deal with all the pics of ultrasounds, proud parents with their newborns and little ones smiling or walking or tasting something for the first time?
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How do you cope with hearing about someone close to you having an abortion
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and remain compassionate towards them and their experience when all you want is a baby?
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I thought this was a great question and something
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that I know a lot of us go through
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and this question came out of the video that I talked about dealing with infertility.
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So if you want more information about that specific topic, you can click the link in the description and check that video out.
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But when it comes to people around us, trust me, at the age of 34, almost all of my Instagram feed is just filled with people sharing pregnancy posts
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and new babies and first steps and all of that.
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And if we're trying really hard to get pregnant, how do we even deal?
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And I have some really helpful tips to get you through.
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And my first one is join a Facebook group or support group in your area.
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And I say Facebook or in your area because I find them to be both really really beneficial.
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Many of my patients have talked about how Facebook has a group for everything.
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And I had a patient who had recently lost a child due to miscarriage
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and found a group for women just who are going through that.
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And that was really really helpful and supportive for her.
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And so if you can't find a support group in your area or it's really hard with your schedule, Facebook is a great place for that.
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And it can give you one place where you can go
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and spend time where it won't be filled with people showing pictures of their new baby and talking about pregnancy.
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It's people struggling with the same thing you're struggling with.
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And that's why I really love support groups
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because it gives us a place to go where we're reminded that we're not alone.
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And other people share their stories.
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A lot of times in groups
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when you actually go in person there's no crosstalk meaning I'll share my experience
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and then you just listen and then you share your experience.
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You don't comment on mine.
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Which makes it a little bit more safe to share how we feel
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and what we're going through knowing that no one's going to weigh in on it.
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But we can get it out and people can listen and understand.
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And that also if we aren't even comfortable talking yet can give us a place to listen
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and to you know empathize with other people's situations
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and understand what they're going through and maybe apply something they learned to our life.
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And my second tip is obviously to see a therapist.
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Preferably one who specializes in fertility issues.
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And yes those ones exist.
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I'd even looked them up years ago when I was referring a patient out.
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We have a lot of them in LA.
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I know every city is different, but finding someone who can truly understand and help you process it through.
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Because the thing about therapy that makes it so beneficial, in the same way that groups have their own set of benefits,
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individual therapy works because it's a non -judgmental place where you get to go
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and share your story and the other person you're sharing your story with doesn't know anything other than what you tell them.
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And I know that can sound really weird, but it's really healing to know that they'll only know what I say.
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They're not Not like other people in our lives
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that know all sorts of information
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and can say like well you know it wasn't as bad as last year
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and like you know this happens all the time like our
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friend Susie was struggling with infertility now she has like three kids
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so like don't worry we won't get that kind of feedback.
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In therapy they hear our point of view, they listen to us, they understand when we're feeling upset and they help us talk through it until we feel better.
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And so seeing a therapist as a couple as well as an individual
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when you're dealing with fertility issues can be incredibly beneficial.
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And my third tip is, let yourself feel it.
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Cry.
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Grieve.
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You can grieve the loss of what you thought the conception process would be for you.
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And grieve the loss if you had any miscarriages.
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Just allowing yourself to feel it versus, you know, maybe thinking that you need to stuff it down and move forward can really be healing.
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Because the more we stuff things down, the worse it gets.
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And the more of an opportunity that icky stuff that we've been stuffing down has to pop out at inappropriate times.
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I always think the stuffing process is why we maybe cry when something happens at a restaurant.
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Or when someone cuts us off we get extremely angry.
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Or we're watching a random commercial and we're like completely bawling.
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If we're feeling really emotionally volatile, that's usually because we have stuff that we've tucked deep, deep away and we're not processing it through.
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And so this is a big deal.
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Struggling with infertility can bring up a lot of issues and I would just encourage you to talk about it, feel it.
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If that means you take a drive and sit at a park, you know, put up your like sunblock thing for your windshield
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so no one sees you and you just bawl your eyes out and listen to sad music, that's okay.
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Wherever you feel safe to just let it out, feel it, cry, scream.
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whatever, make sure you make time to do that.
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And I know it can feel a little crazy to like scream in your car or cry in the shower, but right now that might be what you need.
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And making time for that, allowing yourself to feel it, I promise will end up being really, really helpful in the future.
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And number four, talk to your friends and loved ones.
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Keeping what we're going through a secret will only make things worse.
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How can we expect them to help us if we don't really tell them what's really happening, right?
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And also if we don't really tell them what's happening, they could say hurtful things without even thinking.
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By talking to friends and family about it, you not only get their support because they give you a place to cry if you need to, vent, scream, or distract.
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Like maybe you go on a hike or go walk your dogs.
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But it not only gives you that extra support, but then it helps keep you safe and make sure that you can still engage with them.
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Because if we don't share, they can often say and do things that can really, really hurt us and they won't even know.
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And then maybe we find ourselves in the bathroom crying, trying to hide away from everybody because that one comment just really got to us.
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And so letting them know what's going on, and also a really important key point, I think, is to let them know they don't have to keep their children or pregnancy a secret from you.
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But that they need to give you time to process it.
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It's okay to ask for these things, okay?
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So maybe tell them it's best for them to give you news like that over email, or over the phone, and not in person.
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Because you don't want them to think you're not being supportive, but it might be really hard for you to hear it first.
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And letting them know what you need, and what's okay and not okay, can hopefully prevent any of that from happening.
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And also it can prevent us from finding out that they're pregnant through someone else, and they said they were too scared to tell us, and it kind of can hurt our relationships.
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And so I find over -communicating, when it comes to our friends and family, to be best.
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So that they know where we're at, and what we're going through, And then they can share what's appropriate with us in a way
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that that we can handle right now
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And I know some of you are like that's a lot to ask
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and like I can't really say that to them pick and choose your closest friends Maybe the people that are
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Around you the most and the most likely to maybe do something
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or say something hurtful without realizing it
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because let's be honest We all go through really hard times in life
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And we're gonna need those people to understand
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and the more we don't share with them the more isolated will feel
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So I just encourage you challenge yourself speak up
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and tell them what's going on and how they can best help my fifth tip
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Know that it's okay to miss some events Just be honest with your friends
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or family members I know it sucks like the person who
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asked this question said they had to sit in the bathroom like fighting tears
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And then they left early if you're not in a good place It's okay to just send a gift with someone else.
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You don't have to always be there Just let them know why don't just not show up
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It may be a text message and letting them know
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that you're just having a really hard day
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and you didn't want to ruin their event because you just can't fight the tears.
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But just give them an opportunity to understand.
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I find the more we communicate and the more we're honest about where we're at and what we're able to do, the better we'll start feeling.
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Because the thing that I hear the most from my viewers and my patients alike is when we're dealing with infertility, we don't know how to talk to people about it and we isolate over time.
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We spend less time with friends, we spend less time at events, we don't want to talk to people about it, we half the time don't even want to talk to our spouse or partner.
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And so just give yourself the opportunity to bring people in.
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Talk to them.
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Be honest about how you're feeling.
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And trust me, if they're really friends, they'll completely understand.
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And my sixth tip is, take a break from social media or mute people for a while until you feel better.
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I'd even encourage you, just like I was saying before, we're going to over -communicate, right?
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So I'd encourage you to let them know that you're doing this, so that their feelings aren't hurt if they don't see you, you know, like any of their posts or photos.
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Give yourself a break.
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Like I said earlier, trust me, I know how much of your feed is just pregnancy news, babies, first steps, etc. And it can be really overwhelming and upsetting.
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So giving yourself, you know, a day off can really be helpful and just give you the time you need to feel it,
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to cry, to communicate with those around us, to see a therapist to do the self -care
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that you need to do for yourself to get through it.
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And we all know that social media just causes comparison to happen.
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Whether or not we want to admit it, we compare ourselves to others all the time.
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And that's just not fair.
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When we're feeling in a really dark place, everyone else's life is going to look better, whether or not it is, right?
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Remember, social media is just a highlight reel.
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It's not real life, okay?
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But taking a break can really allow us to just not do as much comparison as maybe we're already doing.
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And my seventh tip is do something new.
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I know this may sound harsh or heartless but
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if all we talk with our spouse or partner or friends and family and therapist is just infertility
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It doesn't leave any room to be ourselves.
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Maybe take on a new hobby like pottery or learning guitar or joining a hiking group.
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Do something to distract yourself a bit and get you out of your head.
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And no, it won't fix it, but it will give you a break that maybe you so desperately need.
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So try something new.
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So shake it up.
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Give yourself a break.
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Talking about ovulation and babies and cycles can be so exhausting, not to mention just kind of boring sometimes.
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So do something different.
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Distract.
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It's okay to distract sometimes.
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Sometimes you just need a break from all that's going on.
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So challenge yourself and try something new.
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I hope you found those tips helpful.
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But as always, let me know in those comments down below.
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Is there something that really helped you when you were going through this time?
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Is there something I said that you don't agree with?
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I'm open to communicating and talking with you all down in those comments.
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And I will see you next time.
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Bye!
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “Infertility when everyone else is pregnant”. This video has 164 sentences and 2327 words to shadow. The speech runs for 10:45. The speaker talks fast, about 216 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 89% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| helpful adjective | /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/ | Furnishing help; giving aid; useful. |
| communicate verb | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ | To impart or transmit (information or knowledge) to someone; to make known, to tell. |
| encourage verb | /ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/ | To mentally support; to motivate, give courage, hope or spirit. |
| pregnancy noun | /ˈpɹɛɡnənsi/ | The condition of being pregnant; an instance of this. |
| therapist noun | /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/ | Someone who provides therapy, usually professionally. |
| distract verb | /dɪˈstɹækt/ | To divert the attention of. |
| tear verb | /tɛɹ/ | To rend (a solid material) by holding or restraining in two places and pulling apart, whether intentionally or not; to destroy or separate. |
| scream verb | /skɹiːm/ | To cry out with a shrill voice; to utter a sudden, sharp outcry, or shrill, loud cry, as in fright or extreme pain; to screech, to shriek. |
| beneficial adjective | /ˌbɛn.ɪˈfɪʃ.əl/ | Helpful or good to something or someone. |
| supportive adjective | /səˈpɔɹtɪv/ | Providing support. |
| heal verb | /ˈhiːl/ | To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure. |
| hike noun | /haɪk/ | A long walk, usually for pleasure or exercise. |
| spouse noun | /spaʊ̯s/ | A person in a marriage or marital relationship. |
| fertility noun | /fɝˈtɪləti/ | The condition, or the degree, of being fertile. |
| isolate verb | /ˈaɪ.sə.leɪt/ | To set apart or cut off from others. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| bring up verb | To mention. | |
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. | |
| find out verb | To discover, as by asking or investigating. | |
| get through verb | /ɡɛt ˈθɹu/ | To overcome; to endure. |
| miss out verb | To miss an experience or lose an opportunity, etc. that should not be missed. | |
| move forward verb | To cause to make progress. | |
| put out verb | To blind (eyes). |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- You don't comment on mine.
- Be honest about how you're feeling.
- Is there something I said that you don't agree with?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | being invited · is just filled · won't be filled |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have talked · we've tucked |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | one who specializes · someone who can |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 75 contractions and reduced forms, such as we're, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, sixth /sɪksθ/, seventh /ˈsɛvənθ/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: beneficial /ˌbɛn.ɪˈfɪʃ.əl/, shake /ˈʃeɪk/, abortion /əˈbɔɹ.ʃn̩/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
- Long words — get the stress right: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, beneficial /ˌbɛn.ɪˈfɪʃ.əl/, fertility /fɝˈtɪləti/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like helpful, communicate, encourage.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.