Shadowing Practice: why self-love doesn't work - Learn English Speaking with Video

Choose a practice mode

Each mode opens a full-screen practice room.

314 sentences

If sentences are too short or too long, click Edit to adjust them.

Get comfortable because we're going to have a discussion about self -love, what it means to love yourself, how you can love yourself,

the way self -love is talked about in pop culture, just all things self -love.

I have a lot of issues with the way self -love is talked about in social media and pop culture today.

I feel like it's transcended its original definition it's almost become girl bossified

and just like saturated with toxic positivity

and it's understandable for the definition to change after like this concept was introduced into a very capitalist culture

but a lot of this self -love like content

that I consume has just left me feeling more shitty about myself

it almost feels like another task on my to -do list another chore

that I need to complete before the time runs out

and I think that that's so far from the original objective of self -love.

There's this expectation to consistently feel 100 % content and 100 % like good about ourselves.

And I think that is so unrealistic and so impractical.

It's also not something that I think you can like achieve or receive once you cross the finish line.

It doesn't really work that way.

I think of love as a process, a journey, a long -term commitment rather than,

you know congratulations you did a face mask here's a here's self -love like it doesn't work that way

and I think that's a very transactional way to view self -love

I think a lot of people think self -love follows this linear path but

that could not be farther from the truth you're gonna go up

you're gonna go down you're gonna go left you're gonna go right you're not always gonna be moving forward

and that's also where I think we feel really shitty

because we think we should be always moving forward

but that's again not life the fact

that self -love is promoted as this like constant attitude

that we should hold up i think invalidates a lot of our emotions

when the whole idea of self -love i think is to be accepting of those emotions we live with fear

and guilt and shame and regret and these are completely normal emotions

and and it's okay to feel them i don't even know why it's

so taboo or why it's so frowned upon to admit

that we have those emotions I don't even like calling them negative emotions

because I think that just like categorizes them

and just makes it super black and white like here's positive here's negative

but it's like I don't want to build this like stigma around fear

and guilt and shame and regret and pain

and anger like they're very normal to have there's this like pressure to rise above those emotions

and if you can't then you know you're the one to blame

and so I just end up feeling like inadequate

and incompetent for not knowing how to rise above these things

that I you know should have under control

and I think the reason why a lot of these like self -love you know tips

and tricks don't really work is because they're quick

and simple solutions to the symptoms of the problem but it's like

if your wound is infected putting on a band -aid sure it'll relieve you for like one

or two days short term yeah

but like in the long run

it's not really gonna fix your infection like you need antibiotics go to the doctor go to therapy no um

i know therapy isn't accessible to everyone that's why like i just want to share the research

that i've done on my own time about these things

so the real toxicity in my head happens when you're already feeling down

and then you're trying of force these like loving thoughts

when you so clearly don't feel

that way i don't need to feel bad about the fact

that i feel bad i think in order to move towards a healthier approach to self -love

we kind of need to unlearn everything

that we've learned about it what we all

so desperately need is for negative emotions to be validated we actually want our negative emotions to be acknowledged,

understood, and accepted rather than suppressed, avoided, and tucked away in a corner where no one can see.

We want someone to validate the shitty situations we go through,

and I think the first and most important person to validate those emotions is going to be you.

To be able to say to yourself that it's okay to not be 100 % all the time is so,

so important, and it's also so powerful because it builds so much self -trust.

If you need any proof that it's okay to have these negative emotions.

If you need any validation, let mother nature provide it because you need shit to grow a garden.

It's okay to have your negative emotions because that's what's going to grow your person and yourself and your character.

And for a really long time, I thought of self -love as a game that had levels.

Prior to my depression last year, I thought I had a pretty good relationship with myself.

I was working really hard to build that strong relationship with myself

and at the time i was very content with my life with myself

so i was like okay like we're doing good little did i know i was practicing a defense mechanism called

intellectualization if you're familiar with the term i am sorry intellectualization is

when you rationalize your emotions rather than feeling them

you try to find reasons as to why you're feeling them instead of actually just sitting with the emotions

and like experiencing them you can't numb yourself to a single emotion by the way

if you're numbing yourself to one emotion you're numbing yourself to all

so although i thought i was happy it really was just me being numb

and when i got depressed i was absolutely crushed like i was

so overwhelmed with these unfamiliar emotions i didn't know what to do with them

i didn't even know what they were i was just like what is going on like i was

so stuck and it took me a minute to understand

that I was depressed because I was

so unfamiliar with my emotions it literally felt like I had transported into a new dimension

and I was like a different version of myself

and I was like what is going on like who who is this like where where did we enter

and so I got depressed and I really was like fuck all of the progress

that I had made all the work

that I had been putting into like nurturing my relationship with myself just went to waste it all crumbled

and I had to start from level one and it was

so so devastating and I was so burnt out

that I didn't even want to begin working on myself again

I didn't even want to get out of my depression

because it just felt like too much work it was like I had to reclimb this mountain

that like I thought I was at the peak of

so I was like do I do this all over again like I can't do it like I don't think

I'm capable of doing

that all over again it just felt like too much it wasn't until I started therapy

that I realized all progress isn't lost

it's not really game over you don't necessarily have to start from scratch every time something falls apart

because you still very much have you know those tools

100

and you still very much have your self and your identity

101

and I didn't know that and I didn't realize that

102

and it took me a minute to tap into that

103

but once I did my view on my depression kind of shifted from like this incredibly difficult like obstacle

104

that I had to get through to an exercise that I could almost use to my advantage,

105

kind of like a practice round to apply all the self -love skills and tools that I had learned. And through

106

that shift, it kind of felt like I was reclaiming my power over my depression where I wasn't letting it win anymore.

107

And I kind of was like, okay, I can take this on because I know I can get through it.

108

Now that I know that I can trust myself to get out of it, I don't really fear it anymore.

109

There's always going to be some negative event

110

that happens that's going to impact you either directly

111

or indirectly we just have to deal with it like that's just how life is like I said

112

I'm not a huge fan of the self -love products out

113

there in the market I don't think they hit the spot however this poetry book by Melody Godfred

114

Melody she did something with this one I actually sat down

115

and read this entire poetry book in one sitting

116

because it was just really good it was short and sweet

117

and it made me feel really amazing after there's one specific quote i already have it memorized

118

because i've been repeating it to my friends every single day it goes i finally found my rhythm

119

when i realized

120

that even the steps backwards were part of the dance

121

it really it really hits you're like damn okay like she's saying something in the stutz documentary with jonah hill

122

and his therapist i really liked how he mentioned

123

that there's always going to be uncertainty pain

124

and constant work in the world these are three variables

125

that you cannot get rid of

126

and it doesn't matter what your social standing is who you

127

are these three variables are going to affect everyone once you're aware

128

and trust keyword trust that all progress isn't lost

129

when you know goes south it becomes much easier to confront the challenges in your life

130

and to confront that like negative event that happens to you.

131

It's just a matter of how aware are you

132

that these tools exist within yourself and how do you plan on nurturing and utilizing these tools when shit goes south.

133

Now that we've kind of unlearned all the toxic bullshit, I really want to talk about the difference between loving yourself and loving being yourself.

134

I think they're entirely different concepts and I think the best way

135

that I can explain it is through a growth and a fixed mindset.

136

We as humans tend to subscribe to a very fixed version of ourselves

137

you know we have these traits these qualities these types

138

and that's it and that's mainly

139

because we don't like the unknown

140

we like to have everything figured out especially about ourselves we don't like question marks we want answers in doing

141

that we kind of force ourselves to live within like these confined parameters of our self -concept and consequently

142

that like kind of puts a damper on how much love

143

we can give ourselves having this fixed mindset doesn't give much leeway to your human remember

144

we're human beings we're species who are evolving every single second every day

145

we wake up slightly different from yesterday like our bodies are growing

146

we're building new neural pathways our mindsets are shifting especially

147

if you're like me in your like early 20s or like late teens like we are going through so much change.

148

And so kind of having this like fixed mindset, this fixed version of who you are is just like,

149

okay, that's just limiting your potential and like how much you can change and grow.

150

That's where I think loving yourself and loving being yourself differ because when you love being yourself,

151

you allow yourself the space and time to grow and change and adapt.

152

You view yourself as this very fluid and flexible being that exhibits several different emotions and attitudes throughout the day.

153

And I really appreciate how having this growth mindset really celebrates our wide range of human emotions, not just the good ones.

154

A lot of the self -love talks that I hear only shows recognition towards those positive emotions.

155

And that's just like completely neglecting our complex nature and just like completely neglecting half of our existence.

156

And I'm just like, okay, but what about the rest of me?

157

Like, you don't like her? like what about her she's also

158

me another quote from my self -love poetry book the true learning has been not just to love myself

159

but to like myself to enjoy myself in the mundane moments not just the sacred ones she really captures

160

that whole idea

161

that i just explained in like three sentences ultimately as a group we need to shift our attention

162

and focus more towards self -awareness

163

and acceptance rather than these like harmful toxic positive thoughts

164

that aren't really getting us anywhere in my head self -love is built of four main pillars

165

there's self -awareness there's self -worth self -esteem

166

and self -care self -awareness would be like mindfulness towards your

167

triggers your thought patterns your self -belief your trauma your self -worth is the value

168

you ascribe yourself how you value yourself your self -esteem is a product of your self -worth

169

and then self -care is maintenance.

170

So I want to start from self -worth because I think that's where the magic begins.

171

For a really long time, I was stuck on the question of, okay, I want to love myself.

172

How do I do it?

173

Like tell me how to do it and I'll do it.

174

I'm ready to do it.

175

Just tell me what to do.

176

How do I begin?

177

Where do I start?

178

My therapist told me about this exercise called the I am statements.

179

These are basically affirmational phrases that you write down

180

and you can go about it in any way you want whether you write down one a day

181

or you write down like 20 in one sitting

182

and you repeat them to yourself whichever approach

183

you want to take try to write down just a couple i am statements

184

and these can be you know identifying statements as in like i'm a girl i'm a student i'm turkish

185

or they can be quality statements

186

which is more like i am pretty i am funny

187

i am smart you know whatever the point of this exercise

188

is to build your self -concept how you think of yourself

189

and the reason why it works is

190

because it engages with your subconscious we don't know much about our subconscious

191

because we can't really access it like consciously we know it's there

192

and we know that it's like a sponge especially

193

if you're in your early 20s like your subconscious right now is going to absorb any

194

and every content you put in front of it this is

195

why people will be like be mindful of who you surround yourself with

196

or what kind of you know content you consume on social media

197

because even if consciously you may not identify with something your subconscious is still going to absorb

198

that information in your brain the more often

199

you repeat an exercise the stronger those neural pathways are going

200

to become the more established neural pathways in your brain are much easier to access than ones

201

that you you know only fired a couple times.

202

And so the reason why I really encourage you to repeat these affirmational phrases, these I am statements to yourself,

203

you know, at least once a day is so you keep firing those neurons and that path is getting stronger and stronger.

204

That's why people say fake it till you make it.

205

And it actually works because you're basically convincing your subconscious

206

that you do have confidence until you actually achieve it

207

because you've just believed in yourself

208

so much essentially what we're doing is rewiring your negative thought patterns into positive

209

and healthy ones and so we're kind of eliminating

210

that self -defeating talk

211

that like your inner critic will tell you this also really helps to build self -trust

212

because the more these i am statements are ingrained in your mind the less external validation

213

you're gonna seek i used to be someone who was obsessed

214

with figuring out how people perceive me like i would ask

215

my friends to explain how they view me in very very explicit detail

216

because I just wanted to know I was like I want to know I'm

217

so curious who do you see me as what do I

218

look like to you like I had just very little knowledge

219

about myself like I had a very weak self -concept

220

and that's why we're doing these I am statements so

221

that you can kind of figure out like who are you

222

who am I now I want to talk about self -esteem

223

because she's a little tricky one like I said self -esteem is a product of your self -worth.

224

Unfortunately, self -esteem kind of operates also on like a subconscious level

225

and it is kind of developed in early childhood not saying

226

that you can't build your self -esteem

227

when you're older i'm just saying like that's mainly where your self -esteem is established in early childhood

228

and like developmental years if you went through a shitty past

229

and you were traumatized first of all i'm really sorry second of all

230

that does not mean you're broken and it does not mean

231

that you have to go

232

and like blame yourself for having a low self -esteem

233

we tend to look inwards whenever something goes wrong in our life

234

and we're like okay i'm the one to blame i don't have a high self -esteem

235

because i did this this and this but it's like it doesn't work

236

that way you you can't really control what happens to you

237

when you're four years old i don't want this to discourage

238

you at all like you can work on your self -esteem there's two kinds of self -esteem there's explicit

239

and implicit this basically just means your explicit self -esteem is the one

240

you're consciously aware of having like how you consciously view yourself

241

and your implicit is how you subconsciously view yourself for a long time I had insecure high self -esteem

242

and I kind of still struggle with it basically

243

there's a phenomenon called a donut personality where your explicit self -esteem is high

244

so you consciously have a good view of yourself

245

but your subconscious your implicit self -esteem is low

246

because I had this like discrepancy I was kind of conflicted on like I consciously knew

247

that I you know was of high value

248

and I had you know a high self -worth

249

but deep down I didn't really believe that

250

and again like the best way you can engage

251

and interact with your subconscious is through repeating a positive experience multiple times

252

so you can build

253

that neural pathway like we're getting down to motherfucking neuroscience over here like at the end of the day

254

you really need to build a strong foundation and

255

that foundation is your subconscious

256

and that's how we're gonna do it like that's how we can get there

257

when my insecure high self -esteem thing was really at its peak i saw this tweet

258

that i really resonated with and it said i love me

259

but i don't love me back and

260

that basically means you're not accepting the love

261

that you're giving yourself this is also going to make it much harder for you to recognize

262

when other people are giving you love if you're not accepting the love that you give yourself in the first place.

263

So this is again where we go back to rewiring your negative thought patterns and this is where mindfulness comes in.

264

Self -awareness is mindfulness towards your thought patterns, your triggers, your trauma, basically just becoming aware,

265

just becoming aware without necessarily attaching to your observation.

266

What I like to do is split my inner dialogue into two, Well, technically into three different entities, only two of them have voices though.

267

There's the good cop and then there's the bad cop.

268

The good cop, obviously she's super compassionate.

269

She's kind.

270

She's tolerant.

271

She's patient, understanding, accepting.

272

She's lovely.

273

We love her.

274

And then there's bad cop.

275

She is my inner critic.

276

She's harsh.

277

She's very toxic.

278

She's critical.

279

She's judgmental.

280

She's impatient.

281

She does not understand.

282

She does not accept.

283

She does not empathize.

284

She's a bitch.

285

Self -awareness boils down to identifying which voice is talking.

286

And then there's a third entity, which is my body.

287

This is my physical form.

288

My physical form doesn't have a voice, but she's still there and she's still present in the conversation.

289

She's just placed a few steps behind.

290

I like including the third entity, like my physical form in the equation, because I think it allows me the space and time

291

and stage to observe this conversation happening between the good

292

and the bad cop without attaching to them without wearing them as my own

293

and like adopting them into my personality

294

and my character those are kind of my two cents on the topic of self -love

295

I didn't talk much about the fourth pillar which is self care just

296

because I think that's more action -based whereas self -awareness self -worth

297

and self -esteem are more concepts

298

and like abstract ideas

299

I would be more than interested in filming like a

300

self -care video how you can engage with your love languages

301

if you're single and how you can like meet your needs

302

if you are single because I've been single my whole life

303

so I honestly feel like I'm gonna do

304

that next I am kind of switching my content to more sitting down talking videos I did the vlogs

305

and I really liked them

306

but I think I kind of want to try something new this is honestly really exciting to me

307

because I geek out on psychology and like neuroscience

308

so being able to share my research

309

and like my findings with you guys is going to be very fulfilling for me

310

and I hope this helps anyone if there's one person listening

311

and they got one thing out of this video that's really all I want

312

and seriously do your I am statement

313

that's your homework like just do it I don't want you to do anything else just write down 10 things

314

that you are and add one to the list every day stay safe and super sexy

Download App

Everything you need to speak fluently

AI PronunciationScore every sentence

IPA PracticeMaster every sound

VocabularyBuild your word bank

Vocab GameLearn while playing

Scan QR

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

✨ Recommend Video

497 sentences

How to Enter Your Confidence Era ✨ Stop Caring What They Think & Know Your Worth

Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

117 sentences

this is enough.

Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

158 sentences

#1 HYPNOTHERAPIST: Reclaim the Confidence You Were Born With in 9 Minutes

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

141 sentences

Why relationships in 2026 carry impossible expectations | Alain de Botton

Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “why self-love doesn't work”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: self, emotion, esteem. This video has 314 sentences and 3806 words to shadow. The speech runs for 20:07. The speaker talks fast, about 189 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
emotion noun	/ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/	A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data.
esteem verb	/ɪˈstiːm/	To set a high value on; to regard with respect or reverence.
awareness noun	/əˈwɛɹ.nəs/	The state or level of consciousness where sense data can be confirmed by an observer.
consciously adverb		In a conscious manner; knowingly, volitionally.
mindset noun	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one.
toxic adjective	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	Having a chemical nature that is harmful to health or lethal if consumed or otherwise entering into the body in sufficient quantities.
explicit adjective	/ɪkˈsplɪs.ɪt/	Very specific, clear, or detailed.
pathway noun	/ˈpæθˌweɪ/	A footpath or other path or track.
neural adjective	/ˈnʊɹəl/	Of, or relating to the nerves, neurons or the nervous system.
numb adjective	/nʌm/	Physically unable to feel, not having the power of sensation.
poetry noun	/ˈpoʊ.ə.tɹi/	Literature composed in verse or language exhibiting conscious attention to patterns and rhythm.
engage verb	/ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/	To engross or hold the attention of; to keep busy or occupied.
depressed adjective	/dɪˈpɹɛst/	Unhappy; despondent.
entity noun	/ˈɛn.tə.ti/ [-tʰi]	That which has a distinct existence as an individual unit, often used for organizations which have no physical form.
necessarily adverb	/ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/	Inevitably; of necessity.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
write down verb	To produce or set (something) down in writing; to record something.
figure out verb	To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
go through verb	To travel from one end of something to the other.
get out of verb	To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.
move forward verb	To cause to make progress.
sit down verb	To assume a sitting position from a standing position.
end up verb	To bring to a conclusion.
fall apart verb	To disintegrate, to break into pieces.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

Like, you don't like her?
How do I do it?
I'm ready to do it.
How do I begin?
Where do I start?

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	is talked · was introduced · is promoted
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	has just left · i've done · we've learned
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	someone who was · entity, which is · pillar which is

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 113 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: pathway /ˈpæθˌweɪ/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/, capture /ˈkæp.(t)ʃɚ/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/
Long words — get the stress right: entity /ˈɛn.tə.ti/ [-tʰi], necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, unfamiliar /ˌʌnfəˈmɪli.ə(ɹ)/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like emotion, esteem, awareness.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: why self-love doesn't work - Learn English Speaking with Video

Choose a practice mode

Download App

loving yourself is lonely

Self-Help: What Went Wrong?

The Dark Psychology of Value: Force Others to Respect - Alain de Botton

Mark Manson: Self-control is a complete illusion

love without attachment

What True Love Really Is

How to Learn to Love Oneself More

How to stop GIVING UP on your routines and ACTUALLY stay consistent

How to Enter Your Confidence Era ✨ Stop Caring What They Think & Know Your Worth

this is enough.

#1 HYPNOTHERAPIST: Reclaim the Confidence You Were Born With in 9 Minutes

Why relationships in 2026 carry impossible expectations | Alain de Botton

Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Sentences worth repeating

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?