Pratica di Shadowing: why self-love doesn't work - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
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Get comfortable because we're going to have a discussion about self -love, what it means to love yourself, how you can love yourself,
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the way self -love is talked about in pop culture, just all things self -love.
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I have a lot of issues with the way self -love is talked about in social media and pop culture today.
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I feel like it's transcended its original definition it's almost become girl bossified
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and just like saturated with toxic positivity
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and it's understandable for the definition to change after like this concept was introduced into a very capitalist culture
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but a lot of this self -love like content
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that I consume has just left me feeling more shitty about myself
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it almost feels like another task on my to -do list another chore
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that I need to complete before the time runs out
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and I think that that's so far from the original objective of self -love.
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There's this expectation to consistently feel 100 % content and 100 % like good about ourselves.
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And I think that is so unrealistic and so impractical.
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It's also not something that I think you can like achieve or receive once you cross the finish line.
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It doesn't really work that way.
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I think of love as a process, a journey, a long -term commitment rather than,
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you know congratulations you did a face mask here's a here's self -love like it doesn't work that way
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and I think that's a very transactional way to view self -love
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I think a lot of people think self -love follows this linear path but
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that could not be farther from the truth you're gonna go up
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you're gonna go down you're gonna go left you're gonna go right you're not always gonna be moving forward
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and that's also where I think we feel really shitty
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because we think we should be always moving forward
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but that's again not life the fact
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that self -love is promoted as this like constant attitude
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that we should hold up i think invalidates a lot of our emotions
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when the whole idea of self -love i think is to be accepting of those emotions we live with fear
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and guilt and shame and regret and these are completely normal emotions
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and and it's okay to feel them i don't even know why it's
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so taboo or why it's so frowned upon to admit
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that we have those emotions I don't even like calling them negative emotions
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because I think that just like categorizes them
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and just makes it super black and white like here's positive here's negative
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but it's like I don't want to build this like stigma around fear
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and guilt and shame and regret and pain
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and anger like they're very normal to have there's this like pressure to rise above those emotions
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and if you can't then you know you're the one to blame
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and so I just end up feeling like inadequate
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and incompetent for not knowing how to rise above these things
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that I you know should have under control
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and I think the reason why a lot of these like self -love you know tips
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and tricks don't really work is because they're quick
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and simple solutions to the symptoms of the problem but it's like
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if your wound is infected putting on a band -aid sure it'll relieve you for like one
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or two days short term yeah
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but like in the long run
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it's not really gonna fix your infection like you need antibiotics go to the doctor go to therapy no um
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i know therapy isn't accessible to everyone that's why like i just want to share the research
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that i've done on my own time about these things
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so the real toxicity in my head happens when you're already feeling down
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and then you're trying of force these like loving thoughts
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when you so clearly don't feel
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that way i don't need to feel bad about the fact
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that i feel bad i think in order to move towards a healthier approach to self -love
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we kind of need to unlearn everything
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that we've learned about it what we all
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so desperately need is for negative emotions to be validated we actually want our negative emotions to be acknowledged,
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understood, and accepted rather than suppressed, avoided, and tucked away in a corner where no one can see.
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We want someone to validate the shitty situations we go through,
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and I think the first and most important person to validate those emotions is going to be you.
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To be able to say to yourself that it's okay to not be 100 % all the time is so,
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so important, and it's also so powerful because it builds so much self -trust.
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If you need any proof that it's okay to have these negative emotions.
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If you need any validation, let mother nature provide it because you need shit to grow a garden.
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It's okay to have your negative emotions because that's what's going to grow your person and yourself and your character.
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And for a really long time, I thought of self -love as a game that had levels.
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Prior to my depression last year, I thought I had a pretty good relationship with myself.
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I was working really hard to build that strong relationship with myself
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and at the time i was very content with my life with myself
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so i was like okay like we're doing good little did i know i was practicing a defense mechanism called
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intellectualization if you're familiar with the term i am sorry intellectualization is
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when you rationalize your emotions rather than feeling them
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you try to find reasons as to why you're feeling them instead of actually just sitting with the emotions
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and like experiencing them you can't numb yourself to a single emotion by the way
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if you're numbing yourself to one emotion you're numbing yourself to all
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so although i thought i was happy it really was just me being numb
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and when i got depressed i was absolutely crushed like i was
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so overwhelmed with these unfamiliar emotions i didn't know what to do with them
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i didn't even know what they were i was just like what is going on like i was
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so stuck and it took me a minute to understand
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that I was depressed because I was
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so unfamiliar with my emotions it literally felt like I had transported into a new dimension
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and I was like a different version of myself
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and I was like what is going on like who who is this like where where did we enter
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and so I got depressed and I really was like fuck all of the progress
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that I had made all the work
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that I had been putting into like nurturing my relationship with myself just went to waste it all crumbled
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and I had to start from level one and it was
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so so devastating and I was so burnt out
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that I didn't even want to begin working on myself again
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I didn't even want to get out of my depression
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because it just felt like too much work it was like I had to reclimb this mountain
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that like I thought I was at the peak of
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so I was like do I do this all over again like I can't do it like I don't think
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I'm capable of doing
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that all over again it just felt like too much it wasn't until I started therapy
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that I realized all progress isn't lost
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it's not really game over you don't necessarily have to start from scratch every time something falls apart
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because you still very much have you know those tools
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and you still very much have your self and your identity
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and I didn't know that and I didn't realize that
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and it took me a minute to tap into that
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but once I did my view on my depression kind of shifted from like this incredibly difficult like obstacle
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that I had to get through to an exercise that I could almost use to my advantage,
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kind of like a practice round to apply all the self -love skills and tools that I had learned. And through
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that shift, it kind of felt like I was reclaiming my power over my depression where I wasn't letting it win anymore.
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And I kind of was like, okay, I can take this on because I know I can get through it.
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Now that I know that I can trust myself to get out of it, I don't really fear it anymore.
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There's always going to be some negative event
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that happens that's going to impact you either directly
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or indirectly we just have to deal with it like that's just how life is like I said
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I'm not a huge fan of the self -love products out
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there in the market I don't think they hit the spot however this poetry book by Melody Godfred
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Melody she did something with this one I actually sat down
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and read this entire poetry book in one sitting
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because it was just really good it was short and sweet
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and it made me feel really amazing after there's one specific quote i already have it memorized
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because i've been repeating it to my friends every single day it goes i finally found my rhythm
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when i realized
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that even the steps backwards were part of the dance
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it really it really hits you're like damn okay like she's saying something in the stutz documentary with jonah hill
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and his therapist i really liked how he mentioned
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that there's always going to be uncertainty pain
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and constant work in the world these are three variables
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that you cannot get rid of
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and it doesn't matter what your social standing is who you
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are these three variables are going to affect everyone once you're aware
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and trust keyword trust that all progress isn't lost
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when you know goes south it becomes much easier to confront the challenges in your life
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and to confront that like negative event that happens to you.
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It's just a matter of how aware are you
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that these tools exist within yourself and how do you plan on nurturing and utilizing these tools when shit goes south.
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Now that we've kind of unlearned all the toxic bullshit, I really want to talk about the difference between loving yourself and loving being yourself.
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I think they're entirely different concepts and I think the best way
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that I can explain it is through a growth and a fixed mindset.
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We as humans tend to subscribe to a very fixed version of ourselves
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you know we have these traits these qualities these types
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and that's it and that's mainly
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because we don't like the unknown
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we like to have everything figured out especially about ourselves we don't like question marks we want answers in doing
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that we kind of force ourselves to live within like these confined parameters of our self -concept and consequently
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that like kind of puts a damper on how much love
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we can give ourselves having this fixed mindset doesn't give much leeway to your human remember
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we're human beings we're species who are evolving every single second every day
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we wake up slightly different from yesterday like our bodies are growing
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we're building new neural pathways our mindsets are shifting especially
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if you're like me in your like early 20s or like late teens like we are going through so much change.
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And so kind of having this like fixed mindset, this fixed version of who you are is just like,
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okay, that's just limiting your potential and like how much you can change and grow.
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That's where I think loving yourself and loving being yourself differ because when you love being yourself,
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you allow yourself the space and time to grow and change and adapt.
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You view yourself as this very fluid and flexible being that exhibits several different emotions and attitudes throughout the day.
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And I really appreciate how having this growth mindset really celebrates our wide range of human emotions, not just the good ones.
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A lot of the self -love talks that I hear only shows recognition towards those positive emotions.
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And that's just like completely neglecting our complex nature and just like completely neglecting half of our existence.
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And I'm just like, okay, but what about the rest of me?
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Like, you don't like her? like what about her she's also
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me another quote from my self -love poetry book the true learning has been not just to love myself
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but to like myself to enjoy myself in the mundane moments not just the sacred ones she really captures
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that whole idea
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that i just explained in like three sentences ultimately as a group we need to shift our attention
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and focus more towards self -awareness
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and acceptance rather than these like harmful toxic positive thoughts
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that aren't really getting us anywhere in my head self -love is built of four main pillars
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there's self -awareness there's self -worth self -esteem
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and self -care self -awareness would be like mindfulness towards your
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triggers your thought patterns your self -belief your trauma your self -worth is the value
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you ascribe yourself how you value yourself your self -esteem is a product of your self -worth
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and then self -care is maintenance.
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So I want to start from self -worth because I think that's where the magic begins.
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For a really long time, I was stuck on the question of, okay, I want to love myself.
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How do I do it?
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Like tell me how to do it and I'll do it.
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I'm ready to do it.
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Just tell me what to do.
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How do I begin?
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Where do I start?
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My therapist told me about this exercise called the I am statements.
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These are basically affirmational phrases that you write down
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and you can go about it in any way you want whether you write down one a day
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or you write down like 20 in one sitting
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and you repeat them to yourself whichever approach
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you want to take try to write down just a couple i am statements
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and these can be you know identifying statements as in like i'm a girl i'm a student i'm turkish
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or they can be quality statements
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which is more like i am pretty i am funny
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i am smart you know whatever the point of this exercise
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is to build your self -concept how you think of yourself
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and the reason why it works is
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because it engages with your subconscious we don't know much about our subconscious
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because we can't really access it like consciously we know it's there
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and we know that it's like a sponge especially
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if you're in your early 20s like your subconscious right now is going to absorb any
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and every content you put in front of it this is
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why people will be like be mindful of who you surround yourself with
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or what kind of you know content you consume on social media
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because even if consciously you may not identify with something your subconscious is still going to absorb
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that information in your brain the more often
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you repeat an exercise the stronger those neural pathways are going
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to become the more established neural pathways in your brain are much easier to access than ones
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that you you know only fired a couple times.
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And so the reason why I really encourage you to repeat these affirmational phrases, these I am statements to yourself,
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you know, at least once a day is so you keep firing those neurons and that path is getting stronger and stronger.
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That's why people say fake it till you make it.
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And it actually works because you're basically convincing your subconscious
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that you do have confidence until you actually achieve it
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because you've just believed in yourself
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so much essentially what we're doing is rewiring your negative thought patterns into positive
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and healthy ones and so we're kind of eliminating
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that self -defeating talk
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that like your inner critic will tell you this also really helps to build self -trust
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because the more these i am statements are ingrained in your mind the less external validation
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you're gonna seek i used to be someone who was obsessed
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with figuring out how people perceive me like i would ask
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my friends to explain how they view me in very very explicit detail
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because I just wanted to know I was like I want to know I'm
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so curious who do you see me as what do I
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look like to you like I had just very little knowledge
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about myself like I had a very weak self -concept
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and that's why we're doing these I am statements so
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that you can kind of figure out like who are you
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who am I now I want to talk about self -esteem
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because she's a little tricky one like I said self -esteem is a product of your self -worth.
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Unfortunately, self -esteem kind of operates also on like a subconscious level
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and it is kind of developed in early childhood not saying
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that you can't build your self -esteem
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when you're older i'm just saying like that's mainly where your self -esteem is established in early childhood
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and like developmental years if you went through a shitty past
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and you were traumatized first of all i'm really sorry second of all
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that does not mean you're broken and it does not mean
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that you have to go
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and like blame yourself for having a low self -esteem
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we tend to look inwards whenever something goes wrong in our life
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and we're like okay i'm the one to blame i don't have a high self -esteem
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because i did this this and this but it's like it doesn't work
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that way you you can't really control what happens to you
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when you're four years old i don't want this to discourage
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you at all like you can work on your self -esteem there's two kinds of self -esteem there's explicit
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and implicit this basically just means your explicit self -esteem is the one
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you're consciously aware of having like how you consciously view yourself
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and your implicit is how you subconsciously view yourself for a long time I had insecure high self -esteem
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and I kind of still struggle with it basically
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there's a phenomenon called a donut personality where your explicit self -esteem is high
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so you consciously have a good view of yourself
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but your subconscious your implicit self -esteem is low
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because I had this like discrepancy I was kind of conflicted on like I consciously knew
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that I you know was of high value
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and I had you know a high self -worth
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but deep down I didn't really believe that
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and again like the best way you can engage
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and interact with your subconscious is through repeating a positive experience multiple times
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so you can build
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that neural pathway like we're getting down to motherfucking neuroscience over here like at the end of the day
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you really need to build a strong foundation and
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that foundation is your subconscious
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and that's how we're gonna do it like that's how we can get there
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when my insecure high self -esteem thing was really at its peak i saw this tweet
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that i really resonated with and it said i love me
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but i don't love me back and
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that basically means you're not accepting the love
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that you're giving yourself this is also going to make it much harder for you to recognize
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when other people are giving you love if you're not accepting the love that you give yourself in the first place.
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So this is again where we go back to rewiring your negative thought patterns and this is where mindfulness comes in.
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Self -awareness is mindfulness towards your thought patterns, your triggers, your trauma, basically just becoming aware,
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just becoming aware without necessarily attaching to your observation.
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What I like to do is split my inner dialogue into two, Well, technically into three different entities, only two of them have voices though.
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There's the good cop and then there's the bad cop.
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The good cop, obviously she's super compassionate.
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She's kind.
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She's tolerant.
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She's patient, understanding, accepting.
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She's lovely.
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We love her.
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And then there's bad cop.
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She is my inner critic.
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She's harsh.
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She's very toxic.
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She's critical.
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She's judgmental.
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She's impatient.
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She does not understand.
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She does not accept.
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She does not empathize.
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She's a bitch.
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Self -awareness boils down to identifying which voice is talking.
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And then there's a third entity, which is my body.
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This is my physical form.
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My physical form doesn't have a voice, but she's still there and she's still present in the conversation.
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She's just placed a few steps behind.
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I like including the third entity, like my physical form in the equation, because I think it allows me the space and time
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and stage to observe this conversation happening between the good
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and the bad cop without attaching to them without wearing them as my own
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and like adopting them into my personality
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and my character those are kind of my two cents on the topic of self -love
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I didn't talk much about the fourth pillar which is self care just
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because I think that's more action -based whereas self -awareness self -worth
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and self -esteem are more concepts
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and like abstract ideas
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I would be more than interested in filming like a
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self -care video how you can engage with your love languages
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if you're single and how you can like meet your needs
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if you are single because I've been single my whole life
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so I honestly feel like I'm gonna do
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that next I am kind of switching my content to more sitting down talking videos I did the vlogs
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and I really liked them
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but I think I kind of want to try something new this is honestly really exciting to me
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because I geek out on psychology and like neuroscience
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so being able to share my research
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and like my findings with you guys is going to be very fulfilling for me
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and I hope this helps anyone if there's one person listening
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and they got one thing out of this video that's really all I want
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and seriously do your I am statement
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that's your homework like just do it I don't want you to do anything else just write down 10 things
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that you are and add one to the list every day stay safe and super sexy
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “why self-love doesn't work”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: self, emotion, esteem. Questo video contiene 314 frasi e 3806 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 20:07. Chi parla va veloce, circa 189 parole al minuto: aspettati suoni legati e ridotti. Il 84% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| emotion sostantivo | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | emozione |
| esteem verbo | /ɪˈstiːm/ | stimare |
| awareness sostantivo | /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/ | coscienza |
| consciously avverbio | coscientemente | |
| mindset sostantivo | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | mentalità, modo di pensare |
| toxic aggettivo | /ˈtɒk.sɪk/ | tossico |
| explicit aggettivo | /ɪkˈsplɪs.ɪt/ | specifico, proprio |
| pathway sostantivo | /ˈpæθˌweɪ/ | via |
| neural aggettivo | /ˈnʊɹəl/ | neurale |
| numb aggettivo | /nʌm/ | intorpidito |
| poetry sostantivo | /ˈpoʊ.ə.tɹi/ | poesia |
| engage verbo | /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/ | attirare, convergere |
| depressed aggettivo | /dɪˈpɹɛst/ | depresso, abbattuto |
| entity sostantivo | /ˈɛn.tə.ti/ [-tʰi] | soggetto, entità |
| necessarily avverbio | /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/ | necessariamente, a tutti i costi |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| write down verbo | sottoscrivere, annotare | |
| figure out verbo | scoprire, rendersi conto | |
| go through verbo | attraversare | |
| sit down verbo | sedersi, accomodarsi | |
| end up verbo | andare a finire, finire | |
| fall apart verbo | cadere a pezzi | |
| get through verbo | /ɡɛt ˈθɹu/ | superare, farcela |
| go up verbo | salire |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- Like, you don't like her?
- How do I do it?
- I'm ready to do it.
- How do I begin?
- Where do I start?
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | is talked · was introduced · is promoted |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | has just left · i've done · we've learned |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | someone who was · entity, which is · pillar which is |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 113 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come you're, don't, I'm. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: pathway /ˈpæθˌweɪ/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/, capture /ˈkæp.(t)ʃɚ/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: entity /ˈɛn.tə.ti/ [-tʰi], necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, unfamiliar /ˌʌnfəˈmɪli.ə(ɹ)/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/, homework /ˈhoʊmˌwɝk/, harmful /ˈhɑɹmfl̩/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: awareness /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/, mindset /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/, toxic /ˈtɒk.sɪk/, explicit /ɪkˈsplɪs.ɪt/, engage /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: pathway /ˈpæθˌweɪ/, variable [ˈvæɹ.i.ə.bl̩], absorb /æbˈsɔɹb/, attach /əˈtæt͡ʃ/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/
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- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come emotion, esteem, awareness.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.