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Hi, I'm Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education videos.
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Today I'm talking about self-esteem, how you get it, how it ebbs and flows over the course of your life,
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and what you can do to make it better.
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And this is based on several viewer questions asking me to talk about self-esteem.
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Self-esteem is how you value your self-worth.
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It falls on a spectrum from low to healthy to overinflated.
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With low self-esteem, you can feel worthless, inadequate and non-deserving of happiness.
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With a healthy level of self-esteem you can feel confident and feel like you deserve the things that come to you.
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With an over-inflated level of self-esteem you can feel entitled to the happiness even at the expense of others
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and you can be overly self-promotional and very defensive when you don't get the things that you feel you deserve.
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Positive experiences create healthy self-esteem and negative experiences create low self-esteem.
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It's still unclear exactly how you develop self-esteem, but we do know it's influenced by a combination of factors like your temperament,
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which is your hardwiring, your family environment, relationships, and life experiences.
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You can think of self-esteem as a trait
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that you possess that's part of your makeup and it's influenced by your external environment and can change over time.
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Here's the normal pattern of change in self-esteem across your lifespan.
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As a child, you start out with a very high level of self-esteem, essentially because you don't know any better and everything's positive and fun.
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However, as a child matures, self-esteem declines as you're better able to evaluate yourself against your environment and internalize feedback.
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These experiences shape your self-appraisal and at this stage your self-esteem is relatively unstable,
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meaning it's easily shaped by positive and negative experiences.
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Negative experiences can be from your parents, teachers, or other students.
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Traumatic experiences at this age have a much more significant
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and long-lasting effect on your self-esteem than similar events happening at a later age.
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In adolescence, your self-esteem continues to decline and researchers believe
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that this is related to issues with body image and changes that come with puberty.
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Around this time, you're transitioning from the nurturing elementary school environment to a more challenging middle and high school experience.
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Although the level of your self-esteem drops in adolescence, it becomes more stable, meaning that it's less changeable during this period.
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Another way of putting it is that your view of yourself is very fluid in childhood, but it becomes more solidified in adolescence.
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So if you develop an abnormally low self-esteem beyond the usual dip that you have at this age,
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it's harder for you to recover from that to increase your self-esteem in the adolescent stage.
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It's possible, but it takes more work.
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Self-esteem in adulthood increases gradually over time, peaking in the late 60s.
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And this is thought to be because of changes like establishing a career, developing a mastery over something,
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having a clarity of purpose, and creating a legacy through your family.
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And these are just some examples of achievements you experience over the course of your adulthood that promote feelings of self-worth.
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The stability of your self-esteem rises through young adulthood and then starts to decline as you reach midlife and older age.
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So this just means that how you feel about yourself is pretty stable and consistent in early adulthood, but once you reach midlife,
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the midlife crisis, your self-esteem is is more influenced by changes in your life circumstances.
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Once you get to the 70s and beyond, your self-esteem starts to decline again, and this is probably due to changing life roles like retirement,
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grandchildren, or the lack of children or grandchildren.
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And this is a time that people will reflect on their lives
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and can have a lot of regrets about the choices that they made.
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Health problems and the loss of a spouse all things that can negatively affect your self-esteem at this age.
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But not all people in their 70s and beyond have low self-esteem.
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Some older individuals can still maintain a high level
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or sense of self-worth and just accept their limitations at this stage of their life.
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One of the things about understanding this normal trajectory of self-esteem going up
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and down is that it shows us
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that adolescence is a key time to jump in and rally around youths and do things to bolster their self-esteem.
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Similarly, if you have an elderly relative who recently retired and seems to have lost their way,
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know that it's a good time to offer extra support in the area around helping them feel good about themselves.
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If you struggle with low self-esteem, here are two things that you can do to increase your self-esteem or help someone increase their self-esteem.
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Number one, recognize and utilize your strengths.
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People who recognize their strengths and use them tend to feel better about themselves.
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If your inner dialogue is saying things like, you're unlovable, you're inconsistent, or you don't measure up,
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then you're going to have a hard time recognizing your strengths.
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In fact, oftentimes that kind of negative thinking takes over your thoughts
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and can convince you that you have no strengths or that the strengths that you have are not very meaningful.
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It's important that you not only recognize your strengths, but you put them into action.
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And to recognize your strengths, you can ask yourself questions like, what are you good at?
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What do you enjoy doing?
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What have you done that's been the most successful for you?
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You want to make sure you identify the characteristics or behavior behind the action.
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So for example, you may say that you're good at playing video games, but playing video games is not a strength.
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But what about that makes you good?
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Maybe it's your ability to strategize.
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Maybe you have good hand-eye coordination that makes you very quick and responsive.
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Here's another example.
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Being a good swimmer is not a strength, but the physical agility and discipline it takes to be good at swimming are strengths.
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Another way to identify your strengths is to look at a list of strengths and check them off.
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I have a strengths handout that you can use for that purpose, and you can download it from my website.
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Once you have a list of your strengths,
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the next thing you want to do is develop a plan to use at least one of your strengths every day day.
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So for example, let's say your strength is flexibility.
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You think of yourself as someone who can adapt to change very well.
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A simple plan could be
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that could use your strength could be to leave your Saturday schedule open
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and allow other people to decide how you will spend your day.
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Or let's say your strength is patience.
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Your plan could be to listen to your loved one tell a story for the fifth time without interrupting them
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and you'll even ask follow-up questions to show your interest even
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though you know already know the answers to the questions
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and you're not going to let them know
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that you've already heard this another way to recognize your strengths is to recognize the strengths
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and others you may think
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that focusing on other people's strengths may make you feel bad about what you don't have
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but actually focusing on other people's strengths keeps
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you in the mindset of thinking in terms of strengths instead of being focused on weaknesses.
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Focusing on other people's weaknesses does not improve your self-esteem
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because critical thinking is critical thinking whether you're being judgmental of others
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or yourself so
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if you're stuck in a mindset of being critical
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you will ultimately be more critical of yourself than you are of other people
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but if you set your sights on recognizing the strengths in other people it helps you see your strengths
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so here's an example you notice
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that Susie is very good at multitasking she always seems to be able to finish her work
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and have extra time left over you say I wish I were better at multitasking seeing Susie do it
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so well it just makes me feel bad about myself and
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that can make you feel bad if you only focus on Susie
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but if you pull back and get a broader view you'll notice
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that John is not good at multitasking
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but he's very good at making people feel welcome
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and Nicole has a good eye for detail you start to see that no one is good at everything.
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We all have our strengths and weaknesses and as such, we all have ways that we can use our strengths to contribute to the collective good.
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And the better you get at noticing strengths, the more sensitive you become to noticing your own strengths.
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And recognizing your strengths and positive qualities helps you bolster the value that you give yourself.
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Number two, learn to accept compliments.
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People with low self-esteem have trouble accepting compliments they usually make you feel uncomfortable you tend to downplay them
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or say things to shut down the compliments
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so what you need to do is learn to hear the compliments
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and appreciate them and an easy way to do this is to prepare statements ahead of time
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that you would say in response to the compliments
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it could be as simple as thank you that's kind of you I appreciate you saying
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that tolerating compliments does two things it helps you get used to hearing positive feedback
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and it also helps the person giving you the compliment to feel good about extending kindness to you.
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It's a gift for someone to compliment you
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and it takes a certain level of security on the complimenters
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part to feel good enough about themselves to give you the spotlight.
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Therefore you want to allow
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this other person to show you this kind of generosity your self-assessment is at the heart of your self-esteem
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and even if someone took it away from you
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because of the way they treated you you can take
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it back it's not easy it's a series of small steps
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that add up over time like compounding interest for more on temperament watch
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this video i hope this helps you with self-esteem issues see you next time
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “Self-Esteem: How It Changes And 2 Ways to Boost It”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: self, esteem, strength, experience, compliment. Questo video contiene 125 frasi e 1767 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 10:50. Chi parla ha un ritmo naturale di circa 163 parole al minuto, vicino a una conversazione quotidiana. Il 85% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| esteem verbo | /ɪˈstiːm/ | stimare |
| compliment sostantivo | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | complimento |
| decline verbo | /dɪˈklaɪn/ | declinare |
| weakness sostantivo | /ˈwik.nɪs/ | debolezza, cagionevolezza |
| stable sostantivo | /ˈsteɪ.bəl/ | stalla, scuderia |
| happiness sostantivo | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | felicità, gioia |
| feedback sostantivo | /ˈfiːdˌbæk/ | valutazione, riscontro |
| mindset sostantivo | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | mentalità, modo di pensare |
| consistent aggettivo | /kənˈsɪs.tənt/ | costante, continuo |
| relative sostantivo | /ˈɹɛl.ə.tɪv/ | parente, congiunto |
| assessment sostantivo | /əˈsɛsmənt/ | accertamento |
| establish verbo | /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/ | stabilire, confermare |
| sensitive aggettivo | /ˈsɛn.sɪt.ɪv/ | ricettivo, sensibile |
| transition sostantivo | /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/ | transizione |
| essentially avverbio | /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/ | in essenza |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Significato |
|---|---|
| go up verbo | salire |
| shut down verbo | spegnere |
| take over verbo | usurpare |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- What do you enjoy doing?
- What have you done that's been the most successful for you?
- Maybe it's your ability to strategize.
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | have you done · you've already heard |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | is based · is thought |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | People who recognize · someone who can |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 18 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come you're, don't, I'm. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, patience /ˈpeɪ̯.ʃəns/, coordination /kəʊˌɔːdɪˈneɪʃən/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, elementary /ˌɛləˈmɛntəɹi/, stability /stəˈbɪlɪti/, similarly /ˈsɪm.ə.lə.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, handout /ˈhændˌaʊt/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: compliment /ˈkɑmpləmənt/, weakness /ˈwik.nɪs/, happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, feedback /ˈfiːdˌbæk/, mindset /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, feedback /ˈfiːdˌbæk/, establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, rally /ˈɹæli/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come esteem, compliment, decline.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.