Shadowing Practice: Self-Esteem: How It Changes And 2 Ways to Boost It - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Hi, I'm Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education videos.
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Today I'm talking about self-esteem, how you get it, how it ebbs and flows over the course of your life,
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and what you can do to make it better.
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And this is based on several viewer questions asking me to talk about self-esteem.
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Self-esteem is how you value your self-worth.
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It falls on a spectrum from low to healthy to overinflated.
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With low self-esteem, you can feel worthless, inadequate and non-deserving of happiness.
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With a healthy level of self-esteem you can feel confident and feel like you deserve the things that come to you.
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With an over-inflated level of self-esteem you can feel entitled to the happiness even at the expense of others
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and you can be overly self-promotional and very defensive when you don't get the things that you feel you deserve.
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Positive experiences create healthy self-esteem and negative experiences create low self-esteem.
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It's still unclear exactly how you develop self-esteem, but we do know it's influenced by a combination of factors like your temperament,
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which is your hardwiring, your family environment, relationships, and life experiences.
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You can think of self-esteem as a trait
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that you possess that's part of your makeup and it's influenced by your external environment and can change over time.
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Here's the normal pattern of change in self-esteem across your lifespan.
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As a child, you start out with a very high level of self-esteem, essentially because you don't know any better and everything's positive and fun.
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However, as a child matures, self-esteem declines as you're better able to evaluate yourself against your environment and internalize feedback.
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These experiences shape your self-appraisal and at this stage your self-esteem is relatively unstable,
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meaning it's easily shaped by positive and negative experiences.
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Negative experiences can be from your parents, teachers, or other students.
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Traumatic experiences at this age have a much more significant
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and long-lasting effect on your self-esteem than similar events happening at a later age.
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In adolescence, your self-esteem continues to decline and researchers believe
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that this is related to issues with body image and changes that come with puberty.
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Around this time, you're transitioning from the nurturing elementary school environment to a more challenging middle and high school experience.
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Although the level of your self-esteem drops in adolescence, it becomes more stable, meaning that it's less changeable during this period.
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Another way of putting it is that your view of yourself is very fluid in childhood, but it becomes more solidified in adolescence.
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So if you develop an abnormally low self-esteem beyond the usual dip that you have at this age,
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it's harder for you to recover from that to increase your self-esteem in the adolescent stage.
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It's possible, but it takes more work.
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Self-esteem in adulthood increases gradually over time, peaking in the late 60s.
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And this is thought to be because of changes like establishing a career, developing a mastery over something,
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having a clarity of purpose, and creating a legacy through your family.
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And these are just some examples of achievements you experience over the course of your adulthood that promote feelings of self-worth.
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The stability of your self-esteem rises through young adulthood and then starts to decline as you reach midlife and older age.
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So this just means that how you feel about yourself is pretty stable and consistent in early adulthood, but once you reach midlife,
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the midlife crisis, your self-esteem is is more influenced by changes in your life circumstances.
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Once you get to the 70s and beyond, your self-esteem starts to decline again, and this is probably due to changing life roles like retirement,
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grandchildren, or the lack of children or grandchildren.
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And this is a time that people will reflect on their lives
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and can have a lot of regrets about the choices that they made.
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Health problems and the loss of a spouse all things that can negatively affect your self-esteem at this age.
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But not all people in their 70s and beyond have low self-esteem.
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Some older individuals can still maintain a high level
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or sense of self-worth and just accept their limitations at this stage of their life.
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One of the things about understanding this normal trajectory of self-esteem going up
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and down is that it shows us
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that adolescence is a key time to jump in and rally around youths and do things to bolster their self-esteem.
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Similarly, if you have an elderly relative who recently retired and seems to have lost their way,
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know that it's a good time to offer extra support in the area around helping them feel good about themselves.
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If you struggle with low self-esteem, here are two things that you can do to increase your self-esteem or help someone increase their self-esteem.
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Number one, recognize and utilize your strengths.
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People who recognize their strengths and use them tend to feel better about themselves.
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If your inner dialogue is saying things like, you're unlovable, you're inconsistent, or you don't measure up,
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then you're going to have a hard time recognizing your strengths.
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In fact, oftentimes that kind of negative thinking takes over your thoughts
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and can convince you that you have no strengths or that the strengths that you have are not very meaningful.
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It's important that you not only recognize your strengths, but you put them into action.
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And to recognize your strengths, you can ask yourself questions like, what are you good at?
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What do you enjoy doing?
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What have you done that's been the most successful for you?
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You want to make sure you identify the characteristics or behavior behind the action.
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So for example, you may say that you're good at playing video games, but playing video games is not a strength.
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But what about that makes you good?
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Maybe it's your ability to strategize.
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Maybe you have good hand-eye coordination that makes you very quick and responsive.
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Here's another example.
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Being a good swimmer is not a strength, but the physical agility and discipline it takes to be good at swimming are strengths.
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Another way to identify your strengths is to look at a list of strengths and check them off.
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I have a strengths handout that you can use for that purpose, and you can download it from my website.
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Once you have a list of your strengths,
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the next thing you want to do is develop a plan to use at least one of your strengths every day day.
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So for example, let's say your strength is flexibility.
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You think of yourself as someone who can adapt to change very well.
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A simple plan could be
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that could use your strength could be to leave your Saturday schedule open
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and allow other people to decide how you will spend your day.
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Or let's say your strength is patience.
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Your plan could be to listen to your loved one tell a story for the fifth time without interrupting them
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and you'll even ask follow-up questions to show your interest even
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though you know already know the answers to the questions
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and you're not going to let them know
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that you've already heard this another way to recognize your strengths is to recognize the strengths
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and others you may think
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that focusing on other people's strengths may make you feel bad about what you don't have
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but actually focusing on other people's strengths keeps
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you in the mindset of thinking in terms of strengths instead of being focused on weaknesses.
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Focusing on other people's weaknesses does not improve your self-esteem
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because critical thinking is critical thinking whether you're being judgmental of others
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or yourself so
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if you're stuck in a mindset of being critical
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you will ultimately be more critical of yourself than you are of other people
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but if you set your sights on recognizing the strengths in other people it helps you see your strengths
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so here's an example you notice
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that Susie is very good at multitasking she always seems to be able to finish her work
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and have extra time left over you say I wish I were better at multitasking seeing Susie do it
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so well it just makes me feel bad about myself and
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that can make you feel bad if you only focus on Susie
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but if you pull back and get a broader view you'll notice
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that John is not good at multitasking
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but he's very good at making people feel welcome
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and Nicole has a good eye for detail you start to see that no one is good at everything.
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We all have our strengths and weaknesses and as such, we all have ways that we can use our strengths to contribute to the collective good.
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And the better you get at noticing strengths, the more sensitive you become to noticing your own strengths.
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And recognizing your strengths and positive qualities helps you bolster the value that you give yourself.
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Number two, learn to accept compliments.
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People with low self-esteem have trouble accepting compliments they usually make you feel uncomfortable you tend to downplay them
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or say things to shut down the compliments
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so what you need to do is learn to hear the compliments
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and appreciate them and an easy way to do this is to prepare statements ahead of time
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that you would say in response to the compliments
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it could be as simple as thank you that's kind of you I appreciate you saying
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that tolerating compliments does two things it helps you get used to hearing positive feedback
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and it also helps the person giving you the compliment to feel good about extending kindness to you.
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It's a gift for someone to compliment you
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and it takes a certain level of security on the complimenters
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part to feel good enough about themselves to give you the spotlight.
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Therefore you want to allow
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this other person to show you this kind of generosity your self-assessment is at the heart of your self-esteem
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and even if someone took it away from you
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because of the way they treated you you can take
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it back it's not easy it's a series of small steps
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that add up over time like compounding interest for more on temperament watch
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this video i hope this helps you with self-esteem issues see you next time
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu konuşma dersi “Self-Esteem: How It Changes And 2 Ways to Boost It” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: self, esteem, strength, experience, compliment. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 125 cümle ve 1767 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 10:50 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 163 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %85’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| compliment isim | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | övgü, iltifat |
| adulthood isim | yetişkinlik | |
| weakness isim | /ˈwik.nɪs/ | sıskalık, zayıflık |
| stable isim | /ˈsteɪ.bəl/ | ahır |
| happiness isim | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | mutluluk, saadet |
| feedback isim | /ˈfiːdˌbæk/ | geri bildirim |
| mindset isim | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | düşünce tarzı, zihniyet |
| relative isim | /ˈɹɛl.ə.tɪv/ | akraba |
| establish fiil | /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/ | yerleştirmek |
| sensitive sıfat | /ˈsɛn.sɪt.ɪv/ | alıngan, darılgan |
| transition isim | /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/ | geçiş |
| reflect fiil | /ɹɪˈflɛkt/ | yansıtmak |
| legacy isim | /ˈlɛɡəsi/ | miras |
| regret fiil | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | pişman olmak |
| extend fiil | /ɛkˈstɛnd/ | genişletmek |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- What do you enjoy doing?
- What have you done that's been the most successful for you?
- Maybe it's your ability to strategize.
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | have you done · you've already heard |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | is based · is thought |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | People who recognize · someone who can |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, don't, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 18 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, patience /ˈpeɪ̯.ʃəns/, coordination /kəʊˌɔːdɪˈneɪʃən/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, elementary /ˌɛləˈmɛntəɹi/, stability /stəˈbɪlɪti/, similarly /ˈsɪm.ə.lə.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: weakness /ˈwik.nɪs/, swim /swɪm/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/, worthless /ˈwɜːθ.ləs/, swimmer /ˈswɪm.ɚ/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: stable /ˈsteɪ.bəl/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, stability /stəˈbɪlɪti/, spectrum /ˈspɛktɹəm/, fluid /ˈflu.ɪd/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, feedback /ˈfiːdˌbæk/, establish /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, rally /ˈɹæli/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; compliment, adulthood, weakness gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.