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Hi, I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education videos.
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I've talked about dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, as the best treatment for borderline personality disorder.
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But there are modified forms of DBT that can be helpful for other conditions, like bipolar disorder, anxiety, eating disorders,
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depression, and post -traumatic stress disorder.
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Today I'm gonna teach you one of the many techniques that's used with DBT to be able to manage your emotions.
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It's called distress tolerance.
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Distress tolerance is the skill of being able to accept the emotion
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that you're feeling without resorting to coping behaviors that make your situation and your overall condition worse.
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The top three categories of negative emotions are sadness, anger, and fear.
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And we all have different degrees of tolerance for these kinds of emotions.
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It's a normal reaction to wanna get rid of the negative emotions,
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but what you do to get rid of these emotions makes all the difference in what happens to the emotions.
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Let me explain.
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Suppose I lose my job.
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I'm going to be upset about that.
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It's not realistic to think that I can just take the news and say, oh, that's a shame, but I'm happy to be alive.
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That's unnatural.
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We're built to experience a wide spectrum of emotions from happiness to sadness to anger to fear.
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You may say, a person who's secure in themselves and in their faith has no reason to be fearful.
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But if a bear walks into the room and bears his teeth at me, I will wet my pants and run.
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Being afraid and wanting to run is an adaptive response for self -protection.
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So we're all wired to experience the full spectrum of emotions in response to both external and internal experiences.
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Internal experiences would be what you're thinking about in your head.
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How you tolerate and experience the different emotions is molded
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and shaped by your temperament which is your nature and your upbringing which is how you were nurtured.
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I like to call your temperament your factory installed reflex.
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It's basically what you were born with and is based on your genes
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but you can be raised to believe that certain emotions like anger are bad and you should never show your anger.
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If you grow up believing this then you're going to have serious issues dealing with and being or feeling angry.
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You may tell yourself that you're not angry but your mind knows
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that you are and the anger will show up as anxiety
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or unprocessed anger can show up as depression because that's more acceptable than demonstrating anger or even admitting that you're angry.
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So you have to be able to accept and handle the range of emotions that you experience.
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If you have trouble with that, then on an unconscious level you will find a way to manage that emotion.
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And here are some of the maladaptive or not -so -great ways
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that we try and escape the negative emotions when we can't accept them.
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Avoidance.
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This is avoiding situations or seeking reassurance from people.
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You can also make futile attempts to distract yourself from the emotion.
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Numbing.
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You can use alcohol and drugs to numb the feeling
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or binge eating or even oversleeping so that you don't have to feel the pain.
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Another way to escape is to use self -harm
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and this could be cutting or punching yourself or even pulling out your hair.
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Escaping the distressing emotion only works in the short term.
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What you do to escape it can cause more problems for you in the long term.
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So what does it mean to tolerate the distressing emotion instead of escape it?
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It means you accept it, make room for it, sit with it, and let it pass on its own time.
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There are several techniques within DBT to help you tolerate distress.
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Here's one that's based on the concept of mindfulness.
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I talk more about mindfulness in this video.
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The link will be in the corner and in the description.
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But in short, when you think mindfully, you focus on what's going on at the moment with acceptance and no judgment.
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It's just observation.
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And this is how you're going to treat your negative emotions.
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Here's a template for how you can think about them.
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Let's go back to my example of losing my job.
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I'm enraged
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because I think my company lied to me about keeping me around during the transition from one company to the next.
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And to make matters worse, the job went to someone I trained.
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Now consciously I think, I'm so upset.
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But unconsciously my real thoughts are, I hate my boss and I want to beat him down to the ground.
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But with my upbringing, ladies don't think like that.
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And especially a Christian woman, that's evil to think such a thing.
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So I'm not consciously aware of my aggressive impulses.
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That's what a therapist would help me see.
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And instead, I bury my anger in a pan of brownies and I pick out my eyebrows.
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Here's what I wanna do to process my rage, and this is a mindfulness exercise.
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Recognize and allow the emotion.
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This reflection is best made after I first hear the news that I'm being let go.
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I wanna deal with this early before I get to the pan of brownies.
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So I would say, I'm feeling angry at Bob.
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In fact, I hate him.
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but I'm not bad because I have this feeling and I can allow myself to have it.
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I'm going to make space for it
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and I do not need to be afraid of it because I'm not going to take action against Bob.
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I can control myself.
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So I don't need to get rid of this feeling.
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So here I am admitting to the worst possible emotion that I can have about this situation.
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I wanna assume that I'm gonna downplay it in my mind.
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So go ahead and blow it up and own it.
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I'm not just mad, I hate him.
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But there's no judgment here.
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It's just an emotion, that's it.
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I'm not gonna act on it, I'm just gonna let it sit here with me.
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Next, you wanna watch the emotion.
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Let me watch this anger and hate and see what it does.
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While I'm watching it, I'm gonna call it what it is anger and rage.
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I don't have to get caught up in it.
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Where do I notice the emotion in my body?
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I notice it in my shoulders.
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I feel tense.
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But it's just an emotion.
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Nothing more, nothing less.
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I am not my emotions.
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I simply watch my emotions.
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A good analogy is to think of the emotion as an ocean wave.
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I'm not gonna struggle and fight this wave.
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I'm gonna go with it and float with it.
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I may even ride this wave to the shore.
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The next step is to be present.
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You're gonna turn your attention to what you're doing now, what's in front of you.
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And there's two ways that you can do this.
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The first is to use your five senses.
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I'm going to notice what's going on with all my five senses.
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What can I feel?
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What can I touch?
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What do I hear?
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What do I see in front of me?
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What do I smell?
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What do I taste?
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Another way you can be present is to turn your attention to your breath.
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My breath is my anchor for the moment.
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I take note of how I inhale and how I exhale.
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What do you do when the emotion comes back?
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When the emotion returns, you say, That's okay.
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That's what emotions do.
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They come and they go.
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But I'm gonna watch it again.
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I'll let it sit here in the room with me, or I may float with it up and down again, just like the ocean wave.
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That's the exercise.
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You should write it down as a script and say it to yourself.
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I'll have a template for you in the description.
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These negative emotions do cause distress, but accepting this distress doesn't mean that you enjoy it,
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nor does it mean that you try and fake like it doesn't matter to you.
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Accepting the emotion is about changing the way that you look at it.
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You see it for what it is, and in my case, rage.
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And then I change how I pay attention to it.
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It's like I'm detaching from the sting of the emotion
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because I'm simply observing it as one of many emotions
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that I can experience so I don't have to fear
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that it's gonna consume me because I'm over here and it's over there.
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And how I pay attention to the emotion changes how it affects me.
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Give it a try.
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I have a template for this exercise in the description.
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See you next time.
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “How to Deal with Negative Emotions - Distress Tolerance”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: emotion, anger, experience, feeling. Questo video contiene 114 frasi e 1495 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 9:05. Chi parla ha un ritmo naturale di circa 165 parole al minuto, vicino a una conversazione quotidiana. Il 82% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| emotion sostantivo | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | emozione |
| anger sostantivo | /ˈæŋɡə/ | ira, rabbia |
| distress sostantivo | /dɪˈstɹɛs/ | angoscia, pena |
| disorder sostantivo | /dɪsˈɔɹdɚ/ | disordine |
| rage sostantivo | /ɹeɪd͡ʒ/ | rabbia, furia |
| tolerance sostantivo | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹəns/ | tolleranza |
| tolerate verbo | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | tollerare, sopportare |
| template sostantivo | /ˈtɛm.plɪt/ | mascherina, sagoma |
| technique sostantivo | /tɛkˈniːk/ | tecnica |
| anxiety sostantivo | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | ansia, ansietà |
| judgment sostantivo | /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/ | giudizio |
| breathe verbo | /bɹiːð/ | respirare |
| spectrum sostantivo | /ˈspɛktɹəm/ | spettro |
| float verbo | /fləʊt/ | galleggiare |
| sadness sostantivo | /ˈsædnəs/ | tristezza |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| come back verbo | tornare | |
| go ahead verbo | /ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/ | procedere, andare avanti |
| grow up verbo | crescere |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- I'm going to be upset about that.
- I'm not just mad, I hate him.
- Where do I notice the emotion in my body?
- What do I see in front of me?
- What do you do when the emotion comes back?
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 59 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come I'm, gonna, you're. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: breathe /bɹiːð/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, shore /ʃɔɹ/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, acceptable /əkˈsɛp.tə.bəl/, analogy /əˈnæləd͡ʒi/, psychiatrist /ˌsaɪˈkaɪ.ə.tɹɪst/, temperament /ˈtɛm.pɚ.ə.mənt/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: harm /hɑːm/, happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/, exhale /ˌɛksˈheɪ̯l/, inhale /ɪnˈheɪl/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: distress /dɪˈstɹɛs/, rage /ɹeɪd͡ʒ/, tolerance /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹəns/, tolerate /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/, template /ˈtɛm.plɪt/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: anger /ˈæŋɡə/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, sadness /ˈsædnəs/, pants /pænts/, transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come emotion, anger, distress.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.