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You're listening to the Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 534.
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Welcome to part two of being a badass.
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In this segment, we are going to talk about the obstacles.
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Now to review, in part one,
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we talked about what being a badass is and my definition and the components that I include in defining badassery.
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And just to review, they were having an incredible work ethic and having mental fortitude, mental toughness.
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And so as we go into this episode, I want to talk about all of the things
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that can get in the way of you achieving the level of being a badass
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that you're going to need to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve.
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So when you think about the obstacles, to just keep it really simple, if you're not getting the results that you want in your life,
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it is most likely because you don't have the skill of a work ethic that produces results,
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either positive or negative, and you probably don't have the mental toughness
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that you're going to need to be resilient enough to get there.
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Now, one of the things that I talk about a lot is
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that being able to define a problem clearly is the only way that you'll ever be able to solve it.
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And you want to be able to define a problem where you are responsible for that problem.
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Because when you're responsible for causing the problem and being the problem, then you have 100 % agency in solving it.
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And this is the most important thing that I can tell you.
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And as we move into the next episode, we talk more about tools, I'll elaborate on this.
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But it's important to understand that when you define the problem, and you define the obstacles, then you can define the solution.
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And you don't have to change anybody else.
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You don't have to change the world.
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You don't have to fix anything outside of you.
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You can manage all of it.
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So in this episode, I'm going to be talking a lot about things that you are responsible for and you can control.
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And when I do this with my clients, students, friends, employees, it's very confronting.
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I know this because I do it with myself on the regular.
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And I just want to invite you to allow yourself to be confronted without being defensive just for this next 30 minutes,
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just allow yourself to consider.
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Because I think what happens a lot of times if I say, hey, this is your responsibility, this is your fault that this isn't working.
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Our initial reaction is to defend and to block that information because it doesn't feel great.
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And when you block it and when you defend against it,
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you miss the opportunity to change it doesn't mean that you have to continue to believe it,
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but I always really want to invite you to just consider the possibility that if you accept responsibility for everything,
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then you have the power to change everything.
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And it's a lot more challenging than it sounds, but we're gonna go on a journey today and we're going to explore it.
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So there's a couple things I wanna start with.
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First, the main obstacle to any kind of extraordinary success is always going to be your humanness,
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which means the way that your brain was designed and has evolved works against you being extraordinary,
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works against you being a badass in many ways to review the motivational triad,
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the way that your brain has set you up to survive is to conserve your energy,
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is to avoid pain at any cost and to seek pleasure.
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And in the early days of humanness, this is what evolved us.
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This is what got us to the finish line of survival.
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And now that we live with all the creature comforts that we have created for ourselves, the motivational triad is still alive and well,
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and it is debilitating in many ways.
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Because in order to become extraordinary now, you have to overcome your own motivational triad.
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You have to seek discomfort.
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You have to overcome the desire for instant gratification and pleasure.
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And you have to exert a lot of energy in the smartest of ways in order to create the results
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that you want.
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So That's kind of a bummer, right?
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It's like we are set up not to be badasses by our own brains.
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But when you know this, you also know that there is a part of your brain,
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the newest part of your brain that can overcome this obstacle.
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And when you do overcome this obstacle, you will be able to create way beyond what you ever maybe have imagined,
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and also way beyond maybe something that's ever been created before.
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That's what to be on the edge of evolution really is, to be on the forefront of creation.
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So in order to do this, I've taught you all that it's really important to have goals that are big enough.
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So one of the first obstacles
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that I'm going to present to you is many of you do not have goals
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that require you to develop your mental fortitude or your work ethic.
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You don't want to present yourself with a goal that you could possibly fail at achieving.
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And therefore, you set goals that don't push you cognitively, emotionally, or mentally.
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And they don't require you to work as hard as you're going to need to work in order to increase your capacity.
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And so that would be the first and foremost issue.
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Bad ass people have bad ass goals.
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They have impressive goals that are scary, that are extraordinary, that are extra, as my kids would say, right?
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They're over the top.
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They seem crazy.
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But as you may have seen me do in my own life is when you set big,
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huge goals, the goal can start to define you even before you've achieved it.
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And that is really important because if you're setting really small goals, you are defining yourself by a very small goal,
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by a very easy accomplishment.
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And you know it's easy for you.
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And then when you don't, or if you don't accomplish that goal, that is so defeating versus having a goal that maybe you fail at,
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but you know that you're going to fail at it because it's such a big goal that it requires failure.
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And the more you fail, the more you produce results, the more you learn, the stronger you get, the better your work ethic.
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Because when you go out there into the world
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and you try to achieve something and it doesn't work and you don't create the result that you want,
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that's when you double down on your effort and you do it again
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and you do it again and you do it again.
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And then eventually you produce a result with ease that once was seemingly impossible.
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That's badassery.
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That's how you become a badass.
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So I would say that the motivational triad
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and small goals are the first major obstacles
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that you're going to run into between where you are now and being the badass that you ultimately want to be.
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The next one I would say is fragility.
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And I highly recommend that you look up on my podcast, Anti -Fragile.
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I did a podcast on being anti -fragile
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and it is one of the most important podcasts
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that you can listen to because it is a trend right now from what I can see.
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And I see a lot, right?
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I see a lot of students,
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a lot of employees, a lot of clients presenting with a level of fragility that is defeating them, right?
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It is hurting them.
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And what being fragile or anti -fragile means is that when you face a trauma or a challenge in your life,
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that is an opportunity.
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You get broken down by it.
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It's an opportunity to rebuild and make yourself stronger in those broken places.
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If you aren't putting yourself out there to expose your fragility, you can never become stronger.
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You can never become antifragile.
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If you're not willing to break down the muscle, there's no way for us to build it bigger.
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And as human beings, it is our nature to become stronger as we face challenges.
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And so if you are avoiding challenges,
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hiding from challenges, or becoming completely incapacitated or defeated by every single thing that happens to you out there in the world,
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it's going to be very difficult for you to create what you want in the world.
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And so I'm going to talk about it in the next podcast, but becoming and embracing your anti -fragility and using your obstacles
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and using your traumas and using your mistakes
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and your failures to make yourself stronger is that secret path to creating mental strength and an incredible work ethic.
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Fragility weakens us, right?
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And you'll know that you're doing it.
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if you are constantly making excuses.
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Okay?
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So look at your life honestly.
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Explore your challenges honestly.
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If you're constantly coming up with excuses as to why you are exhausted
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or overwhelmed or need healing or unable to move forward,
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you're probably, you know, identifying as fragile and really embracing victimhood.
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And that's just not going to work.
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It's just not going to work in terms of creating fortitude in your life.
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Okay.
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The second one, this is a huge one.
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If you're anything like me, I call approval whoring.
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We are constantly seeking approval.
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And when you are seeking approval or applause and you're following the compliments and you're following approval of others,
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the delight of others at your own expense, you will never create authentic success.
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You will never become the badass that you can become
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because you'll get locked in between people pleasing and perfection
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because you'll want to create something that everyone can approve of and you'll want to please all the people.
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So you will start adjusting yourself to the applause, to the approval of strangers, to the approval of people you don't even respect,
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to the approval of people you don't even want to be like, to the approval of people who are negative
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and really trying to prevent anyone from getting upset and really trying to prevent anyone from saying something negative.
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Think about this for a minute.
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I see this constantly.
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There's a group of people that you don't respect, that you don't admire, that you would never trade places with
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that you don't think they have the work ethic that's required of the mental fortitude.
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And they're maybe not approving of you.
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And you can spend, people spend entire lifetimes trying to win over people that don't approve of them.
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And maybe it's just a family member, right?
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Maybe it's like, I just want her to approve of me, my mother, my father, my sister,
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my husband, my wife, if I could just get them to approve.
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But when you look at what they're doing,
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which is making excuses or being negative towards you maybe and not giving you the approval that you want,
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it doesn't make any sense that we're spending time trying to get their approval.
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And listen, I have done it.
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I have played that game for so many years of my life,
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trying to be the person I thought other people wanted me to be so many different people in my life.
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And even when I do it really well, I still don't have their approval because their approval isn't about me.
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It's about them.
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Them approving is about them and their thinking.
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It has nothing to do with me.
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So I can bend over backwards trying to please people.
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And that shit just doesn't work when it's coming from a place of insecurity and needing approval.
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So that is one of the biggest obstacles
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that you're going to have to overcome if you want to have a badass result.
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The third one is drama, creating drama and seeking drama.
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All I'm going to say about that is you have to stop.
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You have to stop creating drama where there is none, overreacting to stuff, overwhelming to things, making things bigger than they are,
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creating scenarios that are factually benign,
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but our brain is dramatizing them in a way that we can't even function beyond them.
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So it is important.
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If you are someone that has a lot of drama in your life, you are probably participating and creating it by the way you're reacting.
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It doesn't mean that other people aren't bringing drama, but if you ignore it, if you don't engage in it, it doesn't affect you.
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If you get ignited by it and you want to participate in it as a distraction, it will derail you from becoming stronger.
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Drama will weaken you.
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It's a very low level, low energy game.
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And I see this happen with negativity bonding.
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I see a lot of people who want to feel connected, who want to feel part of community,
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who want to feel righteous and they want to be right.
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And so they get with a bunch of other people and they're all negative together and it creates so much drama, right?
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But it also produces this unbelievable dopamine pleasure too.
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So it's like, it doesn't feel negative.
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It feels good.
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It feels righteous.
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It feels important, but it's not.
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And it could be gossip about someone, maybe a family member.
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It could be gossip about a celebrity.
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You get involved in it and it has no productive purpose.
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It's not constructive.
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It's not useful.
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It's not making you grow.
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It is just sucking the energy out of you.
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So you have to be honest with yourself.
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Am I engaging in drama?
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Do I want the gossip?
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Do I want the scoop?
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Do I want to perpetuate it and spread it?
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And if you are that, just notice how much energy that's taking away from building your mental fortitude
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and building whatever it is you're trying to create in the world.
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The last one here is righteousness.
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And righteousness is trouble when it comes to trying to be a badass, because you see the world as right and wrong.
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And there's a lot of blaming that will happen.
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Because if you see the world as right or wrong, you're always going to want to be right.
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And you're always going to want to be on the side of good.
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And that's impossible because you're a human being.
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Sometimes you're going to be wrong.
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Sometimes you're going to make mistakes.
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Sometimes you're going to do something negative and bad that you're going to feel bad about.
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And that's part of being human.
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And if you're always trying to be right, and you're always trying to be like, I'm a good guy, and I'm on the right side,
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you're always going to have to be putting down the people that are wrong and bad in your eyes.
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And that amount of energy is wasted.
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Because no one is all right and all wrong.
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No one is all good and all bad.
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And there are degrees of it.
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And if you reject or become defensive over everything that you do wrong,
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or you push away any kind of feedback about who you really could be inside of you because you're a human being,
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you will have a very difficult time moving forward
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because you'll always be trying to hide the fear of being exposed as the human being that you are,
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which is fallible, which is dumb in some ways, which is bad and negative in some ways.
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If you're always trying to hide from that part of you,
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you're not going to be able to embrace the authenticity that will create the results that you want in the world.
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So be open to all of it.
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I really learned this from Byron Katie when she would ask that question to any kind of judgment against you, is it true?
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And she would suggests that we can always find a grain of truth in every single thing someone says about us.
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And the first act of defense is actually war.
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It changed my life.
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So when people say things to me, God, you're such a bitch.
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I'm like, yes.
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God, you're so nice.
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Yes.
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God, you're so weak.
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Yes.
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You're so smart.
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Yes.
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You're so dumb.
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Yes.
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Say yes to all of it.
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Then there's nothing to defend against.
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There's no energy to push against.
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It's all true.
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We can all be some degree of everything.
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And so what?
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Carry on.
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Utilize what works for you.
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Accept who you are as a human being and that the world's supposed to be good and bad, clearly because it is.
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And how do we work within that?
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How do we work within all of the facets that we are, all of the mistakes that we make, all the failures that we have.
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It doesn't mean that we're bad.
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It doesn't mean that we're wrong.
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It simply means that we're human and we're on this journey to badassery.
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And you can be a badass and make mistakes.
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You can be a badass and fail.
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In fact, I think it's impossible to be a badass and not fail.
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Impossible.
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So what if you embraced all of that and released your righteousness?
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Stop trying to be right all the time
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and point out everyone else's flaws and how everyone else is less than you and that you're the good one.
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The problem is we are socialized to do that.
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We internalize that type of all or nothing thinking.
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And it's going to be very difficult for you to create at the level
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that you might want to create if you're stuck in that righteousness,
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because you're going to be terrified of doing anything that might be considered as wrong.
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You're going to be terrified of making any kind of mistake and that just doesn't work in terms of being extraordinary.
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So when you look at your life and you look at your emotional life,
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one of the biggest obstacles that I see for people is the avoidance of negative emotion, the rejection of negative emotion,
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and the buffering of negative emotion.
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So as you set big goals, you're inviting a lot of negative emotion.
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You're inviting a lot of fear, you're inviting doubt, you're inviting embarrassment, you're inviting humiliation, you're inviting everything that comes along with failing your way forward.
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And when those emotions come, you have to utilize negative emotion in order to strengthen yourself emotionally.
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Negative emotion is an opportunity for you to process and become stronger.
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And the reason you become stronger is if you aren't afraid.
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to experience any negative emotion, you will lose the fear of fear, the fear of negative emotion.
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And when you don't have any fear of negative emotion, you will catapult your life because it won't hold you back.
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And the way that you overcome the fear of feeling is by feeling, period.
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So when an emotion comes, instead of drinking or eating or going on social media to avoid that feeling,
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you actually invite it in and you process it through, you digest it, you feel it and you see that you don't die.
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And you see that it actually passes.
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And you learn from it and you grow from it.
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And then the next time it comes, you're already ready for it.
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You're already stronger because of it.
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You already used to, hey, this kind of stuff happens where I have thoughts some feelings that feel terrible and I can handle them.
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And you start anticipating ahead of time, oh, hey, this is probably going to be very scary to do this,
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putting myself out there, being on the internet, writing an article, writing a book, coaching a client, investing my money,
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whatever it is you want to do.
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And I'm ready for that fear and I can manage it.
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I'm not going to let it affect my behavior because weak emotional management leads to weak behavior.
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And if you have weak behavior, you're never going to be able to produce results.
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You'll run around doing busy work trying to hide from all of your emotions
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and you'll call it work and then it won't work.
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And then you'll make excuses and then you'll blame other people.
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It's a pattern.
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I see it in everyone that I work with.
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I have it in myself.
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But if you're aware of it, if you're aware that the way that I am stopped is always by my emotions
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and the way that I keep going is always by strengthening my ability to process and overcome those emotions.
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That is the secret.
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How much negativity you experience from your own brain will be dependent on how many huge goals you have, right?
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Fear, doubt, insecurity, it's all going to come up.
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Guaranteed if your goals are big enough, that's what's going to happen.
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But you can utilize it to make you stronger.
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The biggest obstacle is when those big emotions come up and you use it to make yourself weaker,
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more righteous, more approval seeking, more blaming, more fragile.
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We want to use those emotions to make ourselves stronger.
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I'm going to do a whole separate podcast on this, but I'll touch on it briefly here.
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There's a huge difference between self -love and self -coddling.
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And what I see is a lot of people coddling themselves and that's weakening them.
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Because if every time I have a negative emotion,
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I need a week off and I need to rest and I need to heal from these terrible, awful, scary emotions that I'm having,
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I'm going to perpetuate the idea that I'm not strong enough to handle life, that I'm not strong enough to create amazing things,
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that I'm not strong enough to overcome my own primal survival brain.
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And the more I perpetuate it, the more that that will be true.
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And so self -coddling really creates a lot of behavior weakness where you're not managing dread well.
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And work ethic, having a strong work ethic is really about how much dread you can handle, how much you can actually obey yourself,
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how you can create the inertia that you need to overcome your desire to conserve energy.
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And that's going to require you to go to work.
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But it's not the kind of work where you're forcing yourself and you're overworking.
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It's the kind of work where you access your power of fortitude to be able to manage your emotional life.
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So when you're able to define and own your own problems,
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you will see that the biggest obstacle that relates to everything here is a mismanaged mind.
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If you are not managing your mind, you will have all of these negative emotions
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and you will have all of these negative thoughts that create them and they will just be running in the background.
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And when you see other people that mirror that negativity, you're going to be delighted and you're going to want to spend time with them
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and you're going to want to perpetuate it.
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And you won't even realize that you're doing it.
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You'd be like, why do I feel so good with Jenny?
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Because Jenny hates this as much as I do.
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And Jenny agrees that this is too hard and agrees that this isn't a good idea and agrees that,
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you know, we need more rest and relaxation and healing and escapism.
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Or I want to hang out with this person
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because they like to overeat and they like to overdrink and they like to party.
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And that's a nice escape for me.
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And you won't even realize how much drama and negativity you're creating without even knowing it.
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And so when you look at your life honestly, and you look at everything that I've talked about here, all the obstacles that I've listed here,
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you will for sure find yourself in them.
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You will know, yeah, I do do that.
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And I am doing this.
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And I want you to not use that against yourself, but use that for yourself.
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Hey, what would it be like if I didn't seek out drama?
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I didn't seek out approval.
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I didn't use circumstances and situations and my past to weaken myself.
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And instead, I used it to strengthen myself and grow myself.
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And I used all of the weights in my life as the metaphor is all the weights in the gym
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that I had to lift to make myself stronger and to make myself work harder and smarter and produce results.
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The goal is to produce as many results as you can.
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Half of them will be terrible
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and you will use those terrible results as an opportunity to strengthen your emotional and cognitive life and to go again.
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That's as simple as it is.
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You're either going to use your failures to weaken you or your failures to strengthen you.
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Anti -fragility means you use your failures to strengthen you.
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Okay?
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If you need a metaphor for this, picture the little kid learning how to walk.
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The only way they ever learn how to walk is by failing a thousand times.
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The failures, the falls is what makes them strong because they have to get up.
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And if they just give up and sit on the ground, they'll never learn to walk because they'll never get the strength that they need.
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So you know in your deepest knowing if you are doing this to yourself.
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And if you really want to see how badass you really are,
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we're going to give you tools in the next episode to overcome all of these habitual patterns, all of these obstacles.
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And if you apply those tools and you're consistent with them
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and you get feedback
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and you look at your life from the perspective of a playground where you're learning how to walk
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and it requires you to fail, you're not going to be great on the first time on the jungle gym, right?
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You're going to have to learn how to do it.
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Then you can create the most badass results
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and become such a badass human being
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that goes into the world with mental fortitude and a work ethic that can create amazing things.
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What happens when you really build up your work ethic and you really build up your mental toughness, then when you have a desire,
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it's real already because you're like, I know I'm strong and I know I'm capable of creating this, so I will.
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And you get to enjoy the idea of it like you're enjoying a planned vacation
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because you know that you can create the result.
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It may take longer than you think, it may take more failures than you think, but you know you'll stick with it.
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You know, you're resilient.
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You know that you're strong.
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That's a really fun, badass life, my friends.
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It's not for everyone.
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Not everyone is going to step up to the plate and be willing to do that.
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And that's okay.
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But this is for those of you who are, who want this, who need just a little bit of knowledge,
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just a little bit of instruction in order to take your life to the next level.
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Those are the people I want to work with.
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The people that are already badass, but want to become more badass.
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The people that are already strong, they're already working at it, they're already going for it and they want to go to the next level.
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So join me next week in the next podcast where I'm going to talk about the tools
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that you need to start practicing
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and start utilizing on the regular basis to overcome all the obstacles that I just talked about.
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So I hope you have the most beautiful week.
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I'll talk to you next week.
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Take care.
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Esta aula de conversação usa o vídeo “: Be a Badass - Obstacles”. Este vídeo tem 380 frases e 4691 palavras para praticar shadowing. A fala dura 28:45. O falante fala em ritmo natural, cerca de 163 palavras por minuto, próximo de uma conversa do dia a dia. 87% das palavras estão entre as 3.000 mais comuns do inglês, por isso o vocabulário é fácil de acompanhar.
Vocabulário principal deste vídeo
15 palavras do vídeo que vale a pena aprender, com pronúncia e significado:
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| emotion substantivo | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | emoção |
| obstacle substantivo | /ˈɑbstəkəl/ | obstáculo, estorvo |
| overcome verbo | /ˌəʊ.vəˈkʌm/ | vencer, superar |
| define verbo | /dɪˈfaɪn/ | definir |
| invite verbo | /ɪnˈvaɪt/ | convidar |
| podcast substantivo | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | podcast |
| approve verbo | /əˈpɹuːv/ | aprovar, sancionar |
| strengthen verbo | /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/ | fortalecer, reforçar |
| fragile adjetivo | /ˈfɹæd͡ʒəl/ | frágil |
| extraordinary adjetivo | /ɪksˈtɹɔːrdɪn(ə)ɹi/ | extraordinário, extraordinária |
| embrace verbo | /ɛmˈbɹes/ | abraçar |
| defend verbo | /dɪˈfɪnd/ | defender, proteger |
| scary adjetivo | /ˈskɛə.ɹi/ | assustador |
| heal verbo | /ˈhiːl/ | curar, sanar |
| gossip substantivo | /ˈɡɑsɪp/ | bisbilhotice, cusquice |
Phrasal verbs que você vai ouvir
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| move forward verbo | adiantar | |
| come up with verbo | pensar (em), alcançar | |
| get up verbo | subir | |
| give up verbo | render-se | |
| go out verbo | sair | |
| point out verbo | apontar | |
| set up verbo | /ˌsɛt ˈʌp/ | preparar |
Frases que vale a pena repetir
Frases curtas e completas do vídeo que você pode usar na conversa do dia a dia:
- Am I engaging in drama?
- Do I want the gossip?
- Do I want the scoop?
- Do I want to perpetuate it and spread it?
- Hey, what would it be like if I didn't seek out drama?
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | has evolved · has set · have created |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | be confronted · was designed · are set |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | people who are · people who want · fallible, which is |
Pronúncia para ficar de olho
O falante usa 171 contrações e formas reduzidas, como you're, don't, I'm. Diga-as na forma curta, do jeito que você ouve.
- Os sons de “th”: ethic /ˈɛθ.ɪk/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/
- Os sons de “sh” e “zh”: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, evolution /ˌiːvəˈluːʃ(ə)n/, vacation /veɪˈkeɪ.ʃən/, instruction /ɪnˈstɹʌkʃən/
- Palavras longas — acerte a sílaba tônica: extraordinary /ɪksˈtɹɔːrdɪn(ə)ɹi/, participate /pɑːˈtɪs.ɪ.peɪt/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, evolution /ˌiːvəˈluːʃ(ə)n/, celebrity /səˈlɛb.ɹɪ.ɾi/
Sons difíceis para falantes de português:
- Consoante final — sem acrescentar um “i” depois: ethic /ˈɛθ.ɪk/, invite /ɪnˈvaɪt/, podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, defend /dɪˈfɪnd/, gossip /ˈɡɑsɪp/
- /l/ final — a língua toca o céu da boca, não vira “u”: obstacle /ˈɑbstəkəl/, fragile /ˈfɹæd͡ʒəl/, heal /ˈhiːl/, survival /sɚˈvaɪ.vəl/, awful /ˈɔːfʊl/
- /h/ — um sopro suave, diferente do “r”: heal /ˈhiːl/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/, habitual /həˈbɪ.t͡ʃʊ.əl/
Como praticar com este vídeo
- Ouça o vídeo inteiro uma vez sem falar e anote as palavras que você não conhece.
- Comece na velocidade 0,75×, faça shadowing frase por frase e volte à velocidade normal quando ficar fácil.
- Grave a sua voz e compare com o original, prestando atenção a palavras como emotion, obstacle, overcome.
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.