Практика Shadowing: I am officially a PhD candidate! Qualifying exam prep, personal growth, overcoming uncertainty - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube

It's April 1st today, which means I have about five weeks till the oral component of my qualifying exam.

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It's April 1st today, which means I have about five weeks till the oral component of my qualifying exam.

I thought I'd document my time over the next five weeks

because not only do I have to prepare for my qualifying exams,

I also have a couple of deadlines for some courses that I'm taking,

and I'm attending a conference a few days before my oral exam.

So it's gonna be a lot,

but I think with good time management, it should be okay.

Slightly more than a month before my oral qualifying exam,

I had this wild idea to document the whole preparation process.

Not just the studying and planning and deadlines, but the full picture.

What life actually looks like during this really intense stretch of time.

I've always believed that there is more to life than work,

and so no matter how much I enjoy my work,

I like to think that I also make time to appreciate the things and experiences have no relation to work.

My oral presentation comes right at the end of the spring semester,

which also happens to be when every course deadline collides with ongoing research responsibilities.

And on top of that,

I was leaving for a three-day conference the week before my oral presentation.

So naturally, it's been a lot.

But I figured that there is no better time to start recording than now.

So this video is just that.

A window into what these next few weeks look like as I prepare for my qualifying exam,

try to stay grounded and remind myself that there's room for both ambition and joy even during the busiest seasons.

One of the first things I did was jot down every deadline I could think of.

I added them into my notes app and my calendar so that I can better visualize the timeline.

This makes everything feel more manageable

because now they become simple tasks on my checklist rather than an overwhelming immeasurable amount of work.

So PhD qualifying exams are a set of exams you take midway through your PhD journey.

The idea is to assess your grasp of your field and determine whether you're ready to move forward with your dissertation.

The types of exams vary across fields and programs but in my program,

the qualifying exam is pretty practical which I really appreciate.

Instead of a traditional written exam,

I'm required to submit two manuscripts and give an oral presentation on one of them.

I had already submitted one manuscript earlier this year,

So at this point, most of my focus is on prepping for the oral.

And of course, juggling everything else that comes with the end of the semester.

It's a lot, I won't lie.

The to-do list is long and the days feel packed,

and there's always something waiting for my attention.

But I've realised that this is kind of my sweet spot.

I actually enjoy having multiple things going on at once.

I find it energising switching between different types of work.

When I get stuck on one task,

I move to another, and that shift in focus often helps me see things more clearly.

It's like each project gives me something to look forward to.

It's definitely busy, and sometimes in a chaotic way,

but it's a rhythm I've learned to move with.

And weirdly enough, when I'm juggling a few things at once,

I actually feel more grounded.

I know it's not for everyone,

but for me, having multiple things in progress helps me stay engaged and excited about what I'm doing.

I'm left with the discussion section of the manuscript for my qualifying exams.

The deadline is technically two weeks from now,

but I'm hoping to get it done this week so

that it frees up more time for any other thing

that comes my way and also for all the other things on my checklist.

I don't think I can finish the discussion section today because I have class in the afternoon,

but I'll try to see how much I can get done.

But it wasn't always this way.

During my first year, I felt so unsure about everything.

What I wanted to study,

who I wanted to become,

and how to even begin carving out a research identity.

Some days, I felt like I was just floating and trying to grab onto anything that made sense

or seeking out work to do just so I could feel productive.

Back then, my advisor reassured me and told me not to worry

because I still have such a long road ahead of me.

She's right, of course.

Rationally, I knew I was getting ahead of myself by worrying

about my research identity before I had even finished settling into the program in the country.

But at the time, it felt very real.

I think it's because I work best when I have a clear structure and something concrete to move toward.

Having that kind of direction gives me a sense of purpose and a reason to show up every day with intention.

And so the uncertainty of not knowing what kind of work I want to commit to

or where my research is headed scared me.

And it still does sometimes.

There's a strange vulnerability in realizing that research is all I know

and probably all I can do at this point in my career and yet I have no clue what I'm doing.

I'm learning that this is part of the progress and the path doesn't have to be clear from the beginning.

I'm at the end of my second year now and looking back,

I can say that things do get less uncertain with time if you keep trying and working on it.

It's not that I have everything figured out because I definitely don't

but I have a better sense of where my interests lie and that clarity,

however partial, feels like a win in itself.

That's it, I know this process isn't over.

I'll have to keep refining,

keep asking and keep doing the work.

And I think that's okay.

Research is about being committed to the questions,

and to the slow and often messy process of figuring it out along the way.

I truly love being part of the research community.

It's inspiring to be surrounded by people who are so curious and driven.

I love the conversations that spark from a simple question and the excitement that comes with learning from someone else's sharing.

There's something really special about being in a space where people are genuinely excited about knowledge and discovery.

But at the same time,

I really appreciate having close friends outside of academia.

In fact, all my closest friends

and even my husband are not in academia at all and I would do anything for them.

It's deeply comforting to spend time with people who aren't in the same bubble

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and who remind me that there's a whole world beyond research questions.

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They don't understand the ins and outs of what I'm working on and that's actually kind of the point.

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With them, I get to talk about other parts of life,

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about food, family, books, random thoughts,

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and just be a whole person,

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not just a grad student.

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They remind me of who I am outside of my work,

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and they are essential in helping me navigate the stress and self-doubt that can sometimes come with this journey.

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So as I prepare for the one final exam that grants me the status of a PhD candidate,

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I am reminded of the whole journey it took to get here.

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It hasn't just been about mastering content or meeting deadlines.

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It's been about learning how to sit with uncertainty,

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how to be okay with not having all the answers about my research,

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my future, and even myself.

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Graduate school has a way of pushing you to your edges,

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not just intellectually but personally.

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And somewhere along the way I've come to realize

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that this whole process isn't just about being an expert in

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the field it's about figuring out who I am outside of my work,

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what I value, what I care about,

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what kind of person, colleague and friend I want to be.

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The qualifying exam feels like a big milestone and it is but more than anything it's a marker of growth,

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not just as a student but as a whole person.

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And while there's so much ahead of me,

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I'm proud of how far I've come.

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I've learned that it's okay to evolve,

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to not have everything figured out,

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and to keep showing up anyway.

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