ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: How to DECENTRE romance in your 20s!
เลือกโหมดฝึก
แต่ละโหมดจะเปิดห้องฝึกแบบเต็มจอ
476 ประโยค
หากประโยคสั้นหรือยาวเกินไป กดที่ Edit เพื่อปรับแก้
1
Hello everybody, I'm Gemma Spake and welcome back to The Psychology of Your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes,
2
moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
3
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show welcome back to the podcast new
4
listeners old listeners wherever you are in the world it is
5
so great to have you here back for another episode as
6
we of course break down the psychology of our 20s
7
so the other day I did an episode on the five biggest regrets I have about my 20s
8
so far and one of those regrets
9
that really stood out to a lot of you was this
10
regret I have about focusing too much on dating in my
11
early 20s I remember being 19 in my college university dorm room downloading tinder
12
and being like this better get me a boyfriend like I
13
need a boyfriend I need to fit in I need to have this like relationship
14
that like others can see and that's like gonna feel amazing
15
and this is gonna make me feel really great about myself and I got the boyfriend it wasn't very satisfying.
16
I ended up back in this cycle of again and again and again, chasing validation from men,
17
chasing validation from romantic partners that was actually pretty unfulfilling
18
and took away a lot of the time that I should have devoted to figuring myself out,
19
to traveling, exploring, putting time and effort into friendships.
20
You know, there was especially this relationship
21
that I've spoken about before where you know the very fact
22
that I was in that relationship cost me a lot of friendships
23
and it's something that I still think about fairly often I still miss those friends
24
so much and I'm not even in that relationship anymore
25
and it's a huge regret of mine
26
that romance often took precedence over not just all other kinds of love
27
but just everything in my life nowadays we're seeing this incredible
28
and i would also say personally really admirable trend of de
29
-centering men de -centering dating taking your time to find the
30
right person honoring your single years questioning what we sacrifice in
31
a relationship as much as what we think we gain
32
and i thought what a great time to investigate this trend of decent centering romance decentering men in our 20s and doing
33
so from a psychological perspective i want to talk about where
34
this laser focus on love comes from in our 20s why
35
it might be holding us back in other areas of our lives
36
and how we can decenter dating and needing to find our person during this decade
37
so that we can be a little bit selfish so
38
that we can really focus on ourselves so that we can have all
39
that time and energy and effort and attention we put into others just for us
40
when I think we really need it the most.
41
So without further ado let's break down the psychology behind de -centering romance in our 20s.
42
To start us off I think we should first look at why we focus so much on love during this decade, during these years.
43
The first explanation and the easiest explanation is simply that love is really wonderful.
44
Like it is great.
45
I'm not going to pretend that it's not.
46
You and I both know it is life -changing if it is with the right person.
47
The thing is though, nobody told us how hard it would actually be to find the right person.
48
The storybook romances of our childhood, they are actually pretty few and far between.
49
But because our society is based around ideals of marriage, unions, couples, families, we often feel like,
50
or at least I remember feeling like, the rest of my life would not start, could not start until I had firstly ticked off get a
51
boyfriend on my list get into a relationship was this thing that I had to do before,
52
you know, I could progress into the next phase of my life before I could truly be an adult.
53
There is this huge societal pressure to find somebody so that you can, you know, move in together and then so that you can get married,
54
get a mortgage, get a dog, have a kid.
55
And that is a process that we feel very pressured to begin at actually what is quite a young...
56
age like your early 20s you were you're still like very very young
57
and yet in the back of your mind there is this
58
constant fear of like the clock is ticking all the good
59
ones are taken my standards are just going to get lower
60
the dating pool is going to get smaller i feel like
61
we all know this script i always ask myself how much of this is really just about social approval
62
and social recognition and how much of this is actually purely about the other person
63
and really caring for them
64
and having real true deep passionate feelings for another human we
65
are very naturally sensitive to what is publicly celebrated obviously we instinctually as humans seek harmony
66
and conformity even if we think that we don't
67
and being in a relationship is a goal and is something
68
that is very easy to recognize and applaud from the outside it's not
69
that we are shallow it's not that we are only doing this because other people expect it from us.
70
It's just that we are very much aware and influenced by society's expectations
71
and the fact that romantic milestones monopolize our sense of progress,
72
even when our values are more complex than that.
73
You may have noticed this, like you see a family member you haven't seen in a while.
74
Sometimes even you have conversations with your friends and it's never, you know, how excited are you for the future or what's like the big thing that you're working on right now?
75
What are you excited about?
76
What's your goal?
77
It's always, so do you have a boyfriend yet?
78
Do you have a girlfriend?
79
Are you dating anyone?
80
The conversation always comes back to that and it creates a lot of anxiety.
81
Anxiety that influences our decision making.
82
You know, this is another thing that I think about a lot
83
and that I really wish my younger self had thought about a little bit more.
84
Do you really want a boyfriend?
85
Do you really want a girlfriend?
86
Or do you just want the anxiety about being single to go away?
87
Do you actually want a relationship?
88
Or would it just stop you worrying about what you may be missing out on?
89
Do you want a partner?
90
Or do you want people to know that you have value
91
because someone chose you this is all stemming from deep fears
92
about whether we're worthy whether whether we are loved whether we
93
are accepted whether we have value this fear this anxiety pushes
94
us from a place of discernment a place of rationality intention
95
and value into a place of urgency a place of impulsivity blindness where we accelerate commitment not
96
because the fit is strong not because we are even necessarily compatible,
97
but because the timeline that we are experiencing in our 20s feels very fragile and feels very uncertain.
98
What is the risk in this?
99
What is the risk in centering romance too much and too strongly in our 20s?
100
The risk here is what we refer to as narrative foreclosure.
101
We have the partner.
102
We found the person on the dating app and now
103
that we're in the relationship and maybe we're a couple of years down the line
104
we genuinely believe it's too late to start over again it's too late to get back out there
105
so you tolerate less and less and less
106
and less than an amazing relationship for this good relationship for this relationship
107
that at least ticks the box of being partnered
108
and you know what what should really I really believe should scare us
109
and scare you more than not finding somebody is actually finding the wrong person and confusing them with the right person.
110
A lot of the time rushing into relationships
111
or marriages very young is actually more likely to see you broken up
112
or divorced later down the line
113
because we are acting from a place again of urgency rather than discernment which causes us to just choose wrong.
114
A 2013 study published in the journal Couple and Family Psychology actually found
115
that 61 % of couples who recently got a divorce cited
116
that getting married too young was one of the main factors their relationship didn't work out.
117
Simply being partnered when you're in your early 20s
118
because you feel like you have to is not the same as being well -matched
119
and is not the same as having somebody you genuinely trust and are compatible with.
120
And the risk is that you have this person and
121
so you feel like a chapter in your life is closed maybe earlier than it should have.
122
You've given this person some of the best years of your life.
123
You've given them your youth and then now you're 30, 40 and you're like, why did I do that?
124
Why was I in such a rush?
125
I actually had so much time and I cannot get those years back.
126
the biggest reason i think that we should be de -centering romance in our 20s is
127
because ultimately this should be your selfish decade
128
if you want to spend a month in greece do it
129
if you want to move countries do it
130
if you want to change who you are every four months
131
do it you want to explore everything try it all taste
132
it all see it all do it like having these goals
133
and ambitions for yourself requires focus and it requires time
134
and it requires you to be really honest
135
and in touch with who you are and when you focus
136
when your focus is on romantic love
137
and romantic love only don't confuse me your life is not
138
about you anymore it is about this faceless elusive someone who will come into your life
139
and save the day
140
if you are waiting to be chosen before your life really
141
begins you are going to contort yourself change yourself lose yourself
142
trying to impress somebody who might not even make your life better than what it could have been without them
143
so you lose your identity you lose your priorities you also lose your time you know centering romantic possibilities
144
and centering dating is
145
so time consuming it is it takes up valuable mental energy
146
getting to know somebody replying to all these messages on dating apps constantly trying to organize dates
147
and remember whether they ghosted you or not like
148
it's basically a full -time job I remember
149
when I was dating fairly intensely for a couple of years there
150
if I had made a pie chart of what I spent time thinking about
151
and I was like pursuing my education I had a really
152
great job I had hobbies still 50 % of the time I would be thinking about
153
men and I would be distracted by what they were thinking about me
154
and it was all I could talk about with my friends it was
155
so time consuming and that was time that I don't get back
156
that I could have used for rest or learning a new skill
157
or making new friends or being creative and
158
and I really do feel like it was in some ways
159
wasted I think maybe on a deeper level sometimes we do this we give up our time
160
and we chase being chosen because we just want to feel like we belong
161
and we want to feel like somebody sees us and loves us
162
and that is a way to avoid truly being with ourselves we get a fast hit of safety
163
or self -esteem in the text in the plans in the promises of being with somebody in their potential
164
and I think we momentarily get a sense of relief
165
that we might not be lonely forever that maybe we're not that terrible maybe we do have value
166
and what we're really engaging in here is emotional bypassing we're
167
using the attention of other people to dodge the inner work
168
because it feels safer to do so oftentimes we think you You know, when I'm in a relationship, everything will change.
169
I'll have the validation I'll need.
170
I'll be happy because somebody else has confirmed for me that I have value.
171
And the thing is, is that all that insecurity will still be there.
172
And it will probably be made worse by the fact
173
that perhaps you chose the first person who showed up at the front door or you changed in order to be chosen.
174
And now listen, it's fun today.
175
You know, I'm in a long -term relationship with an amazing guy.
176
I'm not saying like turn into a nun until you're 30
177
but there is a difference between dating being a part of your life
178
and dating consuming your life and consuming your time energy identity
179
and sense of self -worth
180
so after this short break what I want to do is
181
explore a nuanced balanced healthy approach to romance in our 20s
182
that doesn't eliminate love doesn't eliminate romantic love
183
but just decenters it from being the main story we're trying to build for ourselves or tell ourselves.
184
Stay with us.
185
In my humble opinion I do truly believe
186
that romance should not at any stage in your life be
187
the main focus of your world except for maybe like on
188
your wedding day how I describe it is my relationship
189
and the love I feel for my partner is not my whole world it is a separate universe for
190
which I step into I get to enjoy
191
but I also step out of because you know my world is my world and me and my partner
192
our relationship does kind of exist separately from that the moment
193
that i'm spending too much time in this other universe
194
or the moment that i feel like all my plans and and all my behaviors
195
need to be about him or orientated towards him this is like a really good sign to plant my feet
196
firmly back into my own inner world and my own inner garden
197
so if you want to descend to love in your 20s
198
if you want to have the world
199
and then have the universe on the side here is what
200
you're going to do number one firstly you need to ask
201
yourself do I have love to share we need to make
202
sure our own cup is filled up first then you need
203
to make sure you have enough in your cup to give
204
to your loved ones then you need to make sure you
205
have enough in your cup to give to the things you care about
206
and if there is still something left over then romantic love can be a priority
207
this reflects something that we call self -determination theory
208
and this theory basically maps the three needs
209
that each of us should be fulfilling at any given time the need for relatedness competence
210
and autonomy we need relatedness through friendship and community.
211
We need competence through learning and creativity and we need autonomy by being able to make our own decisions.
212
When we are fulfilling these three things we can be discerning about love
213
and we can be discerning and make a conscious balanced choice about what we are choosing to spend our time on.
214
If your cup is not overflowing I don't think
215
that romantic love is going to make it flow anymore and
216
if your cup is not overflowing
217
and you want it to be i want to tell you how you can make that
218
so how can you give yourself i guess more to give
219
more to give yourself more to give others more to give
220
your life this is the thing you're going to do you
221
are going to pick a misogi challenge now misogi is a japanese term
222
that is basically like a shinto ritual where people would take like a sacred pilgrimage to a waterfall.
223
It was a way to challenge themselves and then they would like purify themselves under the water.
224
That's like the traditional version of a misogi in Japan.
225
A modern misogi refers to a significant year -defining challenge
226
that we really want to commit to and do
227
that requires a lot of focus and devotion on our behalf to this thing.
228
So basically it's like a pact
229
that you make with a dream you really have to just spend the year giving it your all.
230
A Misogi could be writing a book, it could be starting a podcast, running a marathon, launching a company, completing a multi -day hike,
231
getting scuba certified, building something.
232
And it's basically meant to require deep commitment and dedication from you, the same way you might deeply commit and dedicate yourself to a relationship.
233
So many of us live passively, or so many of us focus on dating because it feels like a worthy project. But
234
when you have a misogi you are laser focused you have things to do you have this task this goal
235
that is deeply personal to you that you really care about
236
that nothing can get in the way of this devotion to
237
yourself to a practice to realizing a dream it means
238
that you really only have space left in your life for the kind of love
239
that finds you organically and that adds to your life all these other kinds of love
240
that you may find on a dating app or
241
that may be fickle
242
or may come from people who aren't fully committing you have
243
your masogi like you don't have time for those things
244
so it allows you in a way to be very discerning
245
and to let only good love in
246
because you've got this big love here you've got this thing you're really dedicated to it's very similar advice to like
247
getting a hobby right it's just on a whole new level
248
here's the other thing I think having a devotional practice like a misogi
249
or having hobbies having interests that you may have lost in a previous relationship
250
or may have lost to your devotion to dating it actually
251
makes you a much more magnetic person anyways like what I have found time
252
and time again the less you focus on dating the more
253
people like suddenly appear in your life who are worthy of
254
of your love you can call it the law of detachment you can call it whatever you want to
255
but people who are committed to themselves and to doing cool stuff
256
because they want to that is so hot people are deeply attracted to
257
that and I have found like in the times where I've been devoted to something outside of myself
258
and I've been really committed to making something and making something well
259
and doing something cool like suddenly you look around it's like
260
wait why are there suddenly all these prospects for me like why are there all these people it's
261
because that mentorship that you were experiencing
262
through that changes how people see you and changes how you relate to yourself and just changes your energy field.
263
Like I fully do believe it.
264
My next tip for de -centering romance in your 20s is to have a dating detox.
265
I know I've spoken about this a few times on the podcast.
266
I really don't care.
267
It's just so worthwhile to do.
268
If you have noticed that dating is taking up a lot of space and energy, have a break.
269
I genuinely do believe that the same way you can get burnt out at your job, you can get dating burnout.
270
You can feel so deeply exhausted and disillusioned that dating is a chore to you rather than something that gives you energy.
271
You are in this position of like, I just want to find somebody so I don't have to do this anymore.
272
I just want to finish this task at my job
273
so I don't have to worry about it this isn't a job dating isn't a job it is not something
274
that your livelihood depends on you can just quit the rat race you can quit the dating rat race
275
and just say I don't want to do this for a
276
while this is where I think the biggest challenge comes about
277
because what you have to fight against is really your milestone anxiety
278
and the part of you
279
that might say you're never going to find anyone you know
280
you can't take a break now the clock is ticking like
281
if you don't find somebody soon like it's all going to
282
be over for you like come on keep going you're going
283
to strike gold like you're going to strike gold soon
284
and the thing is is like you're not running out of
285
time three months of dating isn't going to kill you six
286
months of not being on the apps isn't going to ruin
287
your life in fact i think it's probably going to improve your life
288
so delete or pause the apps stop maintaining ambiguous connections with random people use
289
that free time for sleep for exercise for self -nourishment for plans for work
290
and yes you might expect a few restless days
291
while your habits adjust but I think it settles after a
292
while and you realize like I don't really need this anymore This actually wasn't a worthwhile part of my life, at least not the way that I was approaching it.
293
And when you do return, because of course, you know,
294
you probably will, I think you'll be able to examine the relationship you have with these online connections
295
or with these apps or with people in a much more constructive way.
296
After I did my dating detox, like I feel like this is a very famous story on the podcast.
297
The first person I matched with after I did my dating detox is now my boyfriend of three years
298
but obviously I was still like you know swiping at the same time as
299
when I had matched with him
300
and I came back from my dating detox with solid rules
301
like I had rules for the people I match with I can't remember them exactly but I think it was like
302
uh 24 hours to message me after after matching six hours
303
to reply one to two weeks to organize a date otherwise
304
like I would seriously just unmatch these people anybody who stopped
305
replying after like a day unmatched anybody who like wasn't going
306
to plan a date unmatched anybody who just like never actually
307
messaged me unmatched like their profiles were digital cluttered to me
308
it was taking up space in my mind to have them
309
like to have them there to have the unanswered message to have the weeks long conversation, just staring at me.
310
And when I like put my foot down and was like, how you begin is how you, you know, how you commit to going on.
311
So if these people aren't giving me enough at the beginning, I don't have high expectations for them in the future.
312
Once I decided that it was so relieving, it was so peaceful.
313
It was just, it was just like a nice stoic mindset.
314
It was like air.
315
It was just like, wow, I can just flow through this rather than getting constantly stuck
316
on these people who I thought I had a future with
317
what you really have to remember is like your time is
318
precious your mindset is precious your environment whether it is offline
319
or online is precious
320
and none of like nobody who you have not met yet
321
who you don't have a deep connection with yet is important enough for you to sacrifice
322
that because you don't even know them you know yourself you know
323
that you deserve love you don't know if they deserve love yet
324
so give that love that you may eventually give to them to yourself until you can prove
325
that they are next
326
and maybe my favorite tip for decentering romance is to start dating your friends
327
and no I don't mean like actually dating your friends what I mean is like start pouring all that time energy,
328
love, back into these platonic relationships.
329
Apply the same effort you use for dating to your close bonds and close friendships.
330
Put reoccurring plans on the calendar.
331
Confirm them early in the week.
332
Choose venues.
333
Get dressed up and actually follow through.
334
Make date nights for your friends.
335
I wish I did this more right now.
336
It's been a little bit chaotic for me with moving to a new country
337
and all but I used to host these like elaborate date nights for me
338
and my friends like a couple months ago back in the day I would do them all the time
339
and it was like themed dinner parties
340
and like movie nights with like themed snacks and life drawing nights
341
and art nights and really fun like dinner dates
342
and you know what
343
when I was single those moments were like 99 % of
344
the time better than any date I ever went on
345
and honestly sometimes I would find myself like on a date with a man
346
and being like damn I really wish like my best friend
347
was here like I really wish my girlfriends were here like genuinely giving these ties the same love and attention
348
that you usually hold for romantic connections just creates such a
349
beautiful opportunity for like deep love in a new form at
350
the end of the day you know you can find the love of your life tomorrow maybe you will
351
but like they will never be enough to sustain you
352
if you don't have these other platonic connections at your back
353
if you don't have these other people who are gonna show you love
354
and you show them love in a really important and healthy way okay my fifth tip is to ask yourself the question,
355
if I knew I would find the love of my life in six months, like we just spoke about, what would I do in the time I have from then to now?
356
What would I do before I met them?
357
And I've spoken about this a few times, but I think this exercise works
358
because it really asks you to do away with the concerns of being single
359
and just pay attention to what you really want in your life.
360
When you aren't distracted by this idea of choosing or being chosen, you know, what is on your single bucket list?
361
What skills do you want to learn?
362
What emotional wounds do you want to heal?
363
What trips do you want to take?
364
What health goals do you have?
365
Financial targets, time spent with friends, time spent with family, what unfinished goals would you like to achieve as a single
366
person I need you to make a single bucket list of experiences
367
and milestones that you think might be better as a single as a single person
368
that you think would really contribute to your life even
369
when there's nobody else with you and even
370
when you don't have a partner I want you to at least have 15 things on
371
that list I know I feel like a drill sergeant
372
but I want results 15 things on your single bucket list
373
and now you've got those I want you to choose two of them
374
and plan to do something about it this week
375
and then after that methodically tick them off and every time you complete two add two more on
376
the main point of this question
377
if I knew I would meet the love of my life
378
in six months what would I do the main point is
379
again it takes the worry off the table it's no longer a consideration
380
and so all your focus is just on your ambitions
381
and your desires and you know what
382
if you do want a romantic relationship in the future
383
which of course most of us do and that's not the problem here
384
but this exercise just encourages you to look at your life
385
and genuinely think about the kind of person you would attract
386
and you would want to be with based on how you
387
are living your current life are you modeling the love
388
that you would want to receive back are you modeling the kind of person
389
that you would want to fall in love with that's really like a really deep question like
390
would you fall in love with you because if the answer is no
391
and you wouldn't fall in love with yourself first then like
392
there's probably a lot of work you need to do
393
because it shows that there is probably like a deficit there in self -esteem self -knowledge in goals and inspiration
394
that like another person is never going to do anything about
395
they're never going to be able to fix it my final piece of advice
396
and this might not be everyone's cup of tea
397
but going on from what we were just talking about i
398
want you to do everything in your power during this period
399
of your life to become utterly obsessed with yourself to the point of arrogance to the point of vanity And I mean it.
400
I want you to become obsessed with yourself.
401
That is one of the only ways I see as being able to decenter romance or obsession from somebody else.
402
And listen, I'm not worried about any of you going too far at all.
403
I don't think you're going to end up being these like egotistical maniacs.
404
I think if you're listening to a self -help podcast about decentering love, you've probably found yourself really lacking confidence in the past
405
or being overwhelmed by dating or feeling really struck by how dating hard is
406
and and struck by how terrible you feel
407
so going heavy in the opposite direction with this self -obsession
408
project I think is going to be a good counterbalance to
409
get you somewhere kind of back in the center maybe even further to the right of loving yourself
410
and of genuinely thinking
411
that you are amazing like I need you to tell yourself
412
daily i am a catch somebody would be lucky to have me i am talented i am
413
so hot i am
414
so smart i am fantastic i need you to be like
415
all in on celebrating yourself all in on treating yourself like you are the best person on the planet
416
because that's how a partner should make you feel about yourself
417
and so if somebody is turned off by you thinking great things about yourself it's
418
because they don't think highly enough of you
419
and they are intimidated by the fact
420
that they can't get away with the bare minimum because you don't like yourself enough to not demand more.
421
Being a little bit self -obsessed is the best barrier to
422
entry for people who are never going to treat you right
423
and it allows you not to de -center love altogether
424
but to de -center mediocre love
425
because you know you already have a fantastic thing going with you
426
and yourself like the relationship you have with yourself is amazing it's the best one you're ever going to have
427
so some average person cannot get between the love affair
428
that you have with you like they're not worthy of it
429
if they don't match if not exceed your self -obsession and your level of love for yourself.
430
I really do feel decentering love is such an important decision
431
and thing that we should all aim to do whether you're in a relationship or not like during your 20s.
432
It really allows you to just ground yourself and like what do I want from my life?
433
How much free time would I have?
434
How much energy and effort would I have if this wasn't a priority and what could I do at that time?
435
You know, when your time and attention are distributed to things that you really care about,
436
your whole aura, your whole way of being is just elevated and you just achieve, do, see, believe, love more.
437
And I think that's a really great place to be in before you start looking for somebody else to add to that.
438
You know, looking for somebody else to maybe fill parts of you
439
that you weren't able to fill yourself if nothing else just prove to yourself
440
that you can just prove to yourself that yes having somebody might be and is nice
441
worst comes to worst you might not need it
442
because you really do have like everything you have ever needed to make yourself happy
443
and if you don't have everything you've ever needed to make yourself happy your friends definitely do
444
and your hobbies definitely do
445
and your community definitely does then you can go looking for it in romantic love
446
so I hope
447
that you have enjoyed this episode I hope you enjoyed the
448
discussion hopefully my passion came through on this I know it's ironic
449
that like I've been with somebody who's amazing for like three years
450
and yet I'm still able to rant about this mainly
451
because I know that I would not be with him
452
and I would not have found him if I hadn't gone through this whole process myself.
453
And it's not to say do it so that you can find love.
454
I genuinely really was like so detached from the outcome when I descended love in my 20s,
455
earlier in my 20s, that I really was happy with never finding anyone.
456
And it's, yeah, just kind of surprised me.
457
And my standards were high and they continue to be high.
458
And it just meant that the love fit in perfectly with the life I'd already built
459
and continue to build for myself so i want
460
that for you guys as well
461
and i do really feel like this is a pathway to maybe not find
462
that but to find just find peace find peace
463
and like the chaos of dating if you enjoyed this episode again remember
464
that this episode was also on youtube so if you want to go
465
and subscribe to our channel for future video episodes please feel free to do
466
so make sure that you are following me on instagram at that psychology podcast
467
it's december in like a week i feel like in less than a week
468
so we have our famous 12 days of guest episodes coming every december i just interviewed the coolest people
469
that i've had the opportunity to meet this year
470
and i get to you know bring those conversations to you guys so
471
if you want to be up to date with who we've
472
got coming on the podcast we have a plastic surgeon we
473
have somebody who runs a renaissance fair we have financial consultants
474
we have authors like all these cool people make sure you're following us on instagram
475
and subscribe slash following whatever you are listening right now
476
but until next time stay safe be kind be gentle with yourself and we will talk very very soon
ดาวน์โหลดแอป
ทุกอย่างที่ต้องใช้เพื่อพูดได้คล่อง
AI ให้คะแนนการออกเสียงให้คะแนนทุกประโยค
ฝึก IPAเชี่ยวชาญทุกเสียง
คำศัพท์สร้างคลังคำของคุณ
เกมคำศัพท์เล่นไปเรียนไป
ช่องเดียวกัน
FOR YOU
วิดีโอแนะนำ
B21
86 ประโยค
What they don't tell you about your 20s
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
![Every Romantic Orientation Explained in 10 Minutes [ Vol.2 ]](https://img.youtube.com/vi/jHpK1_ItW2w/mqdefault.jpg)
B21
146 ประโยค
Every Romantic Orientation Explained in 10 Minutes [ Vol.2 ]
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
230 ประโยค
Self-Sabotage, Self-Forgiveness & Why the Way You Talk to Yourself Is Everything
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
88 ประโยค
How are singles meeting each other in 2026?
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B24
271 ประโยค
How to Get Over Someone Who Doesn’t Want You Back
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
578 ประโยค
Wait What!? EP 9: Modern Love, Modern Mess
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
114 ประโยค
The Weekend Trap Keeping You Average (This Is How the Years Disappear)
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
38 ประโยค
To the guy who wants to know why he's lonely and sad
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B259 ประโยค
Mistakes You’ll Make While Falling in Love
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
![[B2] Smartphone Addiction Conversation | English Listening & Speaking Practice](https://img.youtube.com/vi/DRhbklTkLM0/mqdefault.jpg)
B2471
60 ประโยค
[B2] Smartphone Addiction Conversation | English Listening & Speaking Practice
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
883 ประโยค
for ambitious women: how to let go of perfectionism & build your dream life ft. Gaby Ulloa
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B11
146 ประโยค
HOW TO ROMANTICIZE YOUR LIFE | 10 ways to live your BEST life 🌸🩷☀️
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
คำศัพท์และข้อสังเกตด้านการพูดสำหรับบทเรียนนี้
บทเรียนฝึกพูดนี้ใช้วิดีโอ “How to DECENTRE romance in your 20s!” เป็นสื่อ วิดีโอนี้มี 476 ประโยค และ 5957 คำ สำหรับฝึกพูดตาม ช่วงที่มีเสียงพูดยาว 35:30 ผู้พูดพูดด้วยความเร็วเป็นธรรมชาติ ประมาณ 168 คำต่อนาที ใกล้เคียงกับบทสนทนาในชีวิตประจำวัน 86% ของคำอยู่ใน 3,000 คำที่ใช้บ่อยที่สุดในภาษาอังกฤษ ส่วนที่เหลือควรดูไว้ก่อนเริ่มฝึก
คำศัพท์สำคัญในวิดีโอนี้
คำที่ควรเรียนรู้ 15 คำจากวิดีโอ พร้อมคำอ่านและความหมาย:
| คำศัพท์ | คำอ่าน | ความหมาย |
|---|---|---|
| podcast คำนาม | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | พอดแคสต์, พอดคาสต์ |
| psychology คำนาม | /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/ | จิตวิทยา |
| anxiety คำนาม | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | ความวิตกกังวล |
| friendship คำนาม | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | มิตรภาพ |
| regret คำกริยา | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | เสียใจ, เสียดาย |
| consume คำกริยา | /kənˈsum/ | อุปโภค, ใช้ |
| chase คำกริยา | /t͡ʃeɪs/ | กวด |
| priority คำนาม | /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/ | สิทธิไปก่อน, ความสำคัญ |
| explore คำกริยา | /ɪkˈsploɹ/ | สำรวจ |
| bucket คำนาม | /ˈbʌkɪt/ | ถัง, กระแป๋ง |
| hobby คำนาม | /ˈhɑ.bi/ | งานอดิเรก |
| explanation คำนาม | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | การอธิบาย |
| divorce คำนาม | /dɪˈvɔːs/ | การหย่าร้าง, การหย่า |
| sacrifice คำนาม | /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/ | ยัญ, เมธ |
| attract คำกริยา | /əˈtɹækt/ | ดึงดูด |
กริยาวลีที่คุณจะได้ยิน
| คำศัพท์ | ความหมาย |
|---|---|
| give up คำกริยา | ยอมแพ้ |
| turn off คำกริยา | ปิด, ดับ |
ประโยคที่ควรฝึกพูดซ้ำ
ประโยคสั้น ๆ ที่สมบูรณ์จากวิดีโอ ซึ่งนำไปใช้ในบทสนทนาประจำวันได้:
- What are you excited about?
- It's always, so do you have a boyfriend yet?
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Do you really want a boyfriend?
- Do you really want a girlfriend?
ไวยากรณ์ในวิดีโอนี้
โครงสร้างที่ผู้พูดใช้บ่อยที่สุด พร้อมคำพูดจริงจากวิดีโอ:
| โครงสร้าง | ในวิดีโอ |
|---|---|
| ประโยคเงื่อนไข if + อนุประโยค, will/would + กริยา — เงื่อนไขและผลลัพธ์ | if I knew I would find · if I knew I would meet |
| Present perfect have/has + กริยาช่อง 3 — เหตุการณ์ในอดีตที่ยังเกี่ยวข้องกับปัจจุบัน | I've spoken · haven't seen · You've given |
| Passive voice be + กริยาช่อง 3 — เน้นสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้น ไม่ใช่ผู้กระทำ | is based · are taken · are loved |
| Relative clauses who / which + อนุประโยค — ข้อมูลเพิ่มเติมเกี่ยวกับคนหรือสิ่งของ | someone who will · somebody who might · person who showed |
การออกเสียงที่ควรระวัง
ผู้พูดใช้รูปย่อและรูปลดเสียง 105 ครั้ง เช่น don't, you're, I'm ให้พูดแบบสั้นตามที่ได้ยิน
- เสียง “th”: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, worthwhile /ˌwɜː(ɹ)θˈwaɪl/, marathon /ˈmæɹəθən/, altogether /ɔl.tuˈɡɛð.ɚ/
- เสียง “sh” และ “zh”: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, devotion /dɪˈvoʊʃən/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/
- คำยาว — ลงเสียงหนักให้ถูกพยางค์: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/
เสียงที่คนไทยมักออกเสียงยาก:
- เสียงท้ายคำ — ออกเสียงให้ครบ ไม่เปลี่ยนเป็นตัวสะกดแบบไทย: romance /roʊˈmæn(t)s/, chase /t͡ʃeɪs/, divorce /dɪˈvɔːs/, sacrifice /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/
- /v/ — ไม่ใช่ /w/ ให้ฟันบนแตะริมฝีปากล่าง: devotion /dɪˈvoʊʃən/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, divorce /dɪˈvɔːs/, devote /dɪˈvəʊt/, sensitive /ˈsɛn.sɪt.ɪv/
- /z/ — เสียงก้อง ไม่ใช่ /s/: anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, laser /ˈleɪzɚ/, organize /ˈɔɹɡənaɪz/, examine /ɪɡˈzæmɪn/, nowadays /ˈnaʊ.ə.deɪz/
วิธีฝึกกับวิดีโอนี้
- ฟังวิดีโอให้จบหนึ่งรอบโดยยังไม่ต้องพูด แล้วจดคำที่ยังไม่รู้จัก
- เริ่มที่ความเร็ว 0.75× พูดตามทีละประโยค แล้วกลับไปใช้ความเร็วปกติเมื่อเริ่มคล่อง
- อัดเสียงตัวเองแล้วเทียบกับต้นฉบับ โดยสังเกตคำอย่าง podcast, psychology, anxiety เป็นพิเศษ
เทคนิค Shadowing คืออะไร?
Shadowing เป็นเทคนิคการเรียนรู้ภาษาที่ได้รับการรับรองทางวิทยาศาสตร์ พัฒนาขึ้นสำหรับการฝึกนักแปลมืออาชีพ วิธีการนี้เรียบง่ายแต่ทรงพลัง: คุณฟังเสียงภาษาอังกฤษจากเจ้าของภาษาและพูดตามทันที — เหมือนเงาที่ตามผู้พูดด้วยช่วงเวลาห่าง 1-2 วินาที การวิจัยแสดงว่าเทคนิคนี้ปรับปรุงความแม่นยำในการออกเสียง ทำนองเสียง จังหวะ การเชื่อมเสียง การฟังเข้าใจ และความคล่องแคล่วในการพูดได้อย่างมีนัยสำคัญ