Shadowing Practice: How to Talk Less & Influence More (3 Secrets) - Learn English Speaking with Video

Shut up.

Yeah, that's one of the fastest ways to become more influential

according to who I consider to be the godfather of communication

Dale Carnegie who wrote the book how to win friends

and influence people

and in this video I want to share with you the three biggest lessons from this book

that will make you a more influential communicator My name is Vin

and for more than a decade I've taught millions of people around the world how to become a better communicator

and this year I also became an author

So to celebrate over the next few months I'll be sharing the most powerful lessons from my favorite communication books

that have shaped me and the person that I've become

And the funny thing is I was given this book

when I was about 12 My uncle car gave it to me

and I looked at the title and I thought to myself.

I don't need help making friends I know how to do

that and influence I didn't even know what

that word meant nor why it mattered So I thanked my uncle and I didn't read it.

Sorry uncle car It wasn't until I was in my early 20s

when the desire to make something of my life started to set in.

Then this book hit me very differently.

Because it taught me a lesson that has shaped my life ever since.

Success leaves clues.

There are people who've spent decades working things out and then for 20 to 30 dollars, they put the blueprint in your hands.

I didn't have to work everything out by myself.

I could stand on the shoulders of giants.

And Dale Carnegie was one of the first giants in my life.

Lesson one.

Start with what they want.

If you want to influence someone, stop beginning with what you want and start with what they want.

Dale uses this wonderful analogy about fishing.

I mean, he loves strawberries and cream.

I mean, I do too.

But when he goes fishing, does he put strawberries and cream on the hook?

No!

Because the fish doesn't care what Dale Carnegie likes for dessert.

The fish wants worms!

And this sounds so obvious.

But I realized that I recently had made the exact same mistake with my wife.

I love camping.

I love everything to do with camping.

And when I first tried to convince Pei Wen to go, I sold it to her using the things that excite me about camping.

So I'd say things like, Pei Wen, imagine this.

We're out in the wilderness with the children.

There are no bathrooms.

We'll have to dig some holes.

It's cold, so we're gonna have to make our own fire.

Cut down our own wood and we have to survive.

And I would get more excited with every sentence.

Meanwhile, poor Pei Wen on the other side is looking at me like I'm describing a hostage situation.

I was selling her my version of strawberries and cream.

Actually, no. In this scenario, I was more selling her hypothermia.

The problem was not camping itself.

I was explaining it from my point of view.

I needed to think about what motivated my wife pay when

and what would have motivated her quality time with the family disconnecting from our devices, watching the kids explore nature.

It's the same damn camping trip, but it would be a completely different conversation.

And we probably would have went camping.

And this is where so many of us get persuasion wrong, including me.

Still to this day.

We spend all our time explaining why we care.

But if you're trying to influence someone else, at some point you have to get out of your own head.

And think about what's in it for them.

You gotta look at it from their perspective.

What do they care about?

What do they want more of?

What do they want less of?

I had to learn this in my own business too.

For years, I thought I was selling communication skills.

Use your voice, improve your body language, become a better storyteller.

Those were my versions of strawberries and cream.

But most people aren't lying there awake at 2 in the morning at night thinking, my melodic variation is inadequate.

They're thinking, why don't people take me seriously?

Why do I freeze in meetings?

Why do I feel invisible?

You see, they're not buying communication skills.

They're trying to be more confident, more respected, and they're trying to become more influential.

And this is one of the key reasons why I wrote

before we forget how to connect to help you learn how to use your voice your body language

and Storytelling so you can be more influential

But then also there's a whole section dedicated to listening so

that you can understand what's important to the other person And look, I don't want you to just read the ideas in this book.

I want to help you practice them So we've created a special pre-order bonus

if you pre-order the book this month You'll get a free

ticket to join me live for my three-day online event called break the mold

Where you work on your voice

so you can come across with more authority You work on your body language

so we can increase your presence

and I'll teach you how to express your ideas in a way That's clear concise

and coherent So the link is below if you want to pre-order the book

or you can scan the QR code on screen

Lesson two listen before you solve while we're on the subject of getting out of our own heads

Dale's second lesson is something I'm still having to work at every single day

and it's listening My default mode is to listen to solve.

You tell me a problem, I'm in.

Okay, here's what you need to do.

Step one is this, step two is this, I've made you a spreadsheet with a 12-week action plan.

You didn't ask for the action plan, but I've made you one anyway.

That's my go-to move.

My other bad habit is that I'm too quick to find my version of your story.

100

So if you tell me you're tired and exhausted, then I'm very quickly gonna say, Oh, you think you're tired?

101

Do you have two kids two dogs two cats four chickens and three alpacas?

102

Do you I always think it's a game of comparison

103

So there are two ways I accidentally make the conversation about me one I solve your story

104

or two I match and then one up your story.

105

It's super annoying And i'm not saying this is always bad Sometimes people actually want advice.

106

They want a 12-step action plan Sometimes people want you to share experiences with them because that's what creates connection

107

The problem is timing.

108

If you do these things too quickly as people are talking, I've already made the conversation about me before you finish telling your story.

109

And as a teacher, I used to do this all the time in my workshops.

110

A student would come up to me and say, Hey Vin, I need to sell more confidence in meetings.

111

And immediately my communication teacher brain wants to fix it.

112

I'd say, volume, rate of speech, body language, it's easy, let's go, let's make the change.

113

But if I stuck with them just a little longer, asked them a few more questions, Hey, tell me more.

114

When did you notice your confidence start to drop?

115

Sometimes the real problem they're experiencing is completely different to the one they were showing.

116

Maybe a senior team member constantly interrupts them.

117

Maybe they know their subject really well, but the moment they get challenged, their mind goes blank.

118

Maybe they're not struggling to speak.

119

Maybe they're just terrified of being wrong.

120

If I solved the first sentence they gave me, I might have solved the wrong damn thing.

121

People know more about their own inner world than you do

122

but because we're so eager to contribute and help Sometimes we interrupt the discovery process.

123

So here's something i've been trying to practice

124

Before you give the advice before you share your version of the story

125

Ask three more follow-up questions to the person who's talking tell me more about what happened.

126

How did that make you feel?

127

Is there anything else?

128

I want you to just stay in their world for three questions longer because what does this do?

129

This will show them that you care and once they know you care then

130

when you share your version of the story Then when you share your thoughts, maybe even your advice They're much more likely to listen to you

131

because now the bridge of connection has been built and

132

that brings me to the third lesson in this wonderful book Names

133

and this one is strangely personal to me because my name is Vin Jiang V-I-N-H-G-I-A-N-G And throughout my life, people have forgotten it.

134

They've misspelled it.

135

I don't know how on earth they mispronounce Vin.

136

There was an event I did years ago where the organizer spelt my name incorrectly.

137

Yeah, and I got really upset.

138

Far more upset than the situation deserved.

139

The poor damn event organizer did not deserve it.

140

It was a mistake, but they accidentally received years of accumulated frustration from me in that moment.

141

Because when I look back at that situation now, I wasn't angry because of one spelling mistake for a long time in my life I felt forgettable

142

and seeing my name spelt wrong just touched a nerve

143

that night And that's what Dale Carnegie understood

144

because your name may be a small collection of sounds a small sequence of letters

145

But to you it's you it's yours years ago I used to run a workshop experiment in my classes

146

and I'd have 40 to 50 students

147

and before the workshop I would memorize by looking at their photos every single person's name

148

And as they walk into the workshop wearing no badge, I'd immediately say, Hey Sarah! morning David Hey Quinn and you should have seen the look on their faces.

149

What fascinated me was how Disproportionately meaningful such a small thing felt.

150

I hadn't given them money.

151

I hadn't bought them a present I just remembered a word their word, but most of us don't forget names

152

because we can't remember them We simply are not paying attention

153

when the name is given to us You know the moment

154

when I say hi my name is Vind

155

and they say hi my name is Michael and you're thinking about okay

156

So once this person stops talking I immediately have to introduce

157

myself How can I introduce myself in a way that's exciting

158

wait am I smiling wait am I doing something weird with my hands

159

and then 30 seconds later The name Michael has disappeared from your memory

160

and then now you spend the rest of the conversation going oh my buddy old pal chief of Oh

161

Champ trust me when you do that.

162

They know that you've forgotten their name How do I know

163

because I've been caught out on it

164

and this connects all three of Dale's lessons beautifully first of all What do they want second of all?

165

What are they trying to tell you and then thirdly what is their name?

166

Do you notice the direction of your attention where it actually should be going when I was much younger?

167

I thought being good with people meant that I I needed to be more interesting.

168

So I tried to be more impressive.

169

I told my stories I tried to make people laugh by being interesting

170

and being funny and to be clear those things did help

171

But I thought that I had to do

172

that 100% of the time I thought influence was the ability to hold somebody's attention

173

and only that just that but so much of Dale Carnegie's work Points us in the opposite direction

174

Influence isn't just about your ability to hold somebody's attention It's also your ability to give somebody else your attention

175

When my uncle gave me this book at 12 years old I thought I didn't need help making friends

176

And nearly three decades later I can admit truthfully That I probably should have read it sooner

177

Because it did help me build better relationships It did help me become more influential And yes, it pretty damn well did help me make more friends in life.

178

Dale Carnegie is no longer here for me to thank personally, but his ideas are still helping people almost a century later.

179

So Dale, cheers mate.

180

Make sure you go and read How to Win Friends and Influence People if you haven't already.

181

And remember, if you do want to go deeper into my work with my book before we forget how to connect, it's available for pre-order.

182

The link is down below in the description, or you can scan the QR code on screen right now.

183

And remember the pre-order bonus.

184

You'll get to join me live at our event called Break the Mold.

185

That's book number two done.

186

And if you missed last week's book, the one I reviewed last week, which is Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards, also an amazing book.

187

If you missed it, make sure you click this video up here.

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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “How to Talk Less & Influence More” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 187 cümle ve 2261 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 11:01 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 205 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %85’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
influential sıfat	/ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/	nüfuzlu
strawberry isim	/ˈstɹɔˌbɛɹi/	çilek
workshop isim	/ˈwɝk.ʃɑp/	atölye, imalathane
excite fiil	/ɪkˈsaɪt/	heyecanlandırmak
organizer isim	/ˈɔɹɡənaɪzɚ/	düzenleyici, organizatör
interrupt fiil	/ˌɪntəˈɹʌpt/	kesilmek, kesmek
mold isim	/moʊld/	küf
alpaca isim	/ælˈpækə/	alpaka
blueprint isim	/ˈbluːˌpɹɪnt/	mavi kopya, ozalit kopya
concise sıfat	/kənˈsaɪs/	mucez, özlü
forgettable sıfat		unutulabilir
godfather isim	/ˈɡɑdfɑðɚ/	vaftiz baba, kirve
hypothermia isim	/ˌhaɪpəʊˈθɜː(ɹ)mi.ə/	hipotermi, hipotermiya
memorize fiil	/ˈmɛm.əˌɹaɪ̯z/	ezberlemek
persuasion isim	/pɚˈsweɪʒən/	ikna

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
come across fiil		karşıdan karşıya geçmek
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	kapa çeneni, sus

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:

They're thinking, why don't people take me seriously?
Why do I freeze in meetings?
Why do I feel invisible?
When did you notice your confidence start to drop?
How did that make you feel?

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

Yapı	Videoda
“Used to” used to + fiil — artık geçerli olmayan eski bir alışkanlık ya da durum	used to do · used to run
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem	I've taught · have shaped · has shaped
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli	was given · has been built · is given

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı they're, I've, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 64 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

“th” sesleri: godfather /ˈɡɑdfɑðɚ/, hypothermia /ˌhaɪpəʊˈθɜː(ɹ)mi.ə/, thirdly /ˈθɚdli/, truthfully /ˈtɹuːθ.fəl.i/
“sh” ve “zh” sesleri: influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/, workshop /ˈwɝk.ʃɑp/, persuasion /pɚˈsweɪʒən/, spreadsheet /ˈspɹɛd.ʃit/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/
Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/, communicator /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/, organizer /ˈɔɹɡənaɪzɚ/, accumulate /əˈkjuːmjʊˌleɪt/, hypothermia /ˌhaɪpəʊˈθɜː(ɹ)mi.ə/

Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:

/w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: workshop /ˈwɝk.ʃɑp/, persuasion /pɚˈsweɪʒən/, worm /wɝm/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/, wilderness /ˈwɪldɚnəs/
Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: strawberry /ˈstɹɔˌbɛɹi/, scan /skæn/, blueprint /ˈbluːˌpɹɪnt/, spreadsheet /ˈspɹɛd.ʃit/, truthfully /ˈtɹuːθ.fəl.i/
/æ/ — “e”den daha açık: scan /skæn/, alpaca /ælˈpækə/, fascinate /ˈfæsɪneɪt/, analogy /əˈnæləd͡ʒi/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; influential, strawberry, workshop gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

【TED】優れたリーダーはどうやって行動を促すか/サイモン・シネック（日本語字幕）