Luyện nói tiếng Anh bằng Shadowing qua video: Ep #473: Tolerance

You're listening to the Life Coach School podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 473.

⏸ Tạm dừng

Tốc độ:

325 câu

Nếu các câu quá ngắn hoặc quá dài, hãy bấm Edit để chỉnh sửa.

You're listening to the Life Coach School podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 473.

Welcome to the Life Coach School podcast,

where it's all about real clients,

real problems, and real coaching.

And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.

Hey, beautiful friends.

I'm excited about this topic today.

Every once in a while,

I have like a personal question that I'm living with for my own life.

And I go back and forth in conversations with myself,

trying to understand what my own answers are to the question.

So I love a question that I don't yet know the answer to.

I'm like, huh, it really makes me think about my life

and who I am and who I choose to be and my identity and my personality.

And one of the things I have been tossing around in my head is the kind of person

that I am and who I've always been and enjoyed

and whether or not I kind of want to change that part about myself.

And it has to do with tolerance and having a high level of tolerance and a low level of tolerance for things.

And I've been thinking about the idea of tolerance kind of philosophically in a way that makes me go, huh?

Because typically, I think in a lot of ways,

people with a high tolerance level are just more chill.

They're just more easygoing.

They're just like not bothered by things.

And in many ways, I think it's easier for them to be kind.

It's easy for them to be non-reactive.

It's easy for them to get along with people if you have a high level of tolerance.

But I also think

that a high level of tolerance will allow unacceptable behavior from people around us that could actually be harmful,

that could put us in situations with other people

that maybe we shouldn't be in because it's not the best environment for us.

And so how do we balance between being tolerant of bad behavior,

being tolerant of people being rude,

being tolerant of people expressing their ideas with aggression or with,

I don't know, racism, with belligerence, that sort of thing.

Should we be tolerant of those things or not?

And what things should we be tolerant of and what things we shouldn't, right?

It's a pretty big question and applies to a lot of different things in our lives.

And in many ways, I've been thinking about it in terms of demanding excellence

and demanding the best performance from my employees or the people around me,

or just being, you know, it's no big deal.

So I can give you some examples for my own life

and things that I have been like seriously questioning whether I should be more tolerant and more chill,

or whether I should be hardcore,

intense, and have a low tolerance for these things.

And one of the reasons why I think I grapple with this question

so much is I think I've been around people whom are very tolerant of things not being great,

of things not being excellent,

of things not being even like working well in their lives,

and just kind of, it doesn't really matter.

And when I look at that,

I feel like there's a tolerance for mediocrity.

There's a tolerance for kind of this low grade dissatisfaction.

And I actually think it's riding the edge of one side of kind of danger,

if we're going to use kind of an intense word,

versus the other side where people have no tolerance for anything

that isn't exactly the way they want it and they lose their mind

when any little thing happens to go quote unquote wrong.

And how do we find and ride the balance in the middle of that where we're tolerant of the person,

but not of the behavior or not of the situation?

Because I kind of play around with this a little bit in my own life where I maybe with an employee,

I'll be like, oh, it's no big deal.

Oh, it's no big deal,

oh, it's no big deal,

and then it just keeps happening.

Versus when someone makes a small mistake and I say to them,

listen, this isn't going to be okay.

You can't be making mistakes like this ever.

Like this is not acceptable as someone who works for me doing this sort of thing.

And then it never happens again,

even though it's kind of like a very low level of tolerance for mistakes,

I think creates a much higher level of excellence.

But this low level of tolerance creates an environment that's very different than a high level of tolerance.

A high level of tolerance creates a very relaxed employee who feels much more comfortable,

probably more at ease, probably more enjoyment in terms of everyday functioning.

Whereas if I am treating an employee with a very low level of tolerance in a kind way,

but in a strict way,

like this can't happen, I feel like they may be more on edge,

more nervous, less comfortable around me,

but also achieving at a higher level,

which brings a level of enjoyment.

And

that is what I have heard from many of my employees

who work at a higher level than they've ever been asked to work at before.

And that brings them another different type of comfort and joy.

And I see this in my own life with being around people who are more demanding and less tolerant of nonsense,

of things that don't work,

or of maybe high expectation teachers,

high expectation authority figures in our lives.

And so I was having this conversation with my partner the other day,

and we were talking about,

should I be more tolerant of things that aren't working?

And should I be more tolerant of losing at things?

Would that serve me better?

Or should I remain less tolerant of those things and demand excellence of myself and of other people?

And here's the truth.

There is no right answer.

And I don't think one brings me or anyone a deeper level of happiness.

It's a trade-off, right?

So for example, in my home, everything works.

100

There's nothing that you're gonna try and do.

101

There's no button you're gonna try and press

102

or piece of equipment you wanna turn on or use or whatever that doesn't work.

103

Everything works.

104

I have a low level of tolerance for any kind of clutter,

105

any kind of item in my house that isn't actually functioning the way it's meant to be functioning.

106

To me, that is very important.

107

I have been to tons of friends' homes,

108

acquaintances' homes that have a myriad of things in the home that are broken,

109

that don't work, that half work,

110

that they've never used, that they don't have the instructions for.

111

So I'll see something and be like,

112

oh my God, this is so cool.

113

And they'll be like, oh, that doesn't work.

114

And I'm like, what?

115

And they just have, it doesn't bother them that it doesn't work.

116

It's not a big deal that it doesn't work.

117

They're very tolerant of it.

118

Same thing, like I've talked about this a lot,

119

I think in terms of games and my level of,

120

my tolerance for losing a game, any game.

121

If I play a game,

122

I want to win that game.

123

Now, I notice that some people can play games and they don't care if they win or lose.

124

They seem so happy either way.

125

I'm fascinated by this, fascinated.

126

And there's this part of me that feels like I wanna be more like that.

127

Being upset over losing something is such a bummer.

128

I don't wanna be upset.

129

I wanna be like, ah, that's what happens.

130

Sometimes we lose, it's okay.

131

and I'm genuinely not.

132

Like we just watched the Kings game,

133

Kings game seven, that's a basketball team out of Sacramento.

134

They were playing the Warriors and the genuine nervousness I have watching a game like that,

135

how I feel in my stomach and how badly I feel when we lose is a little bit ridiculous in some ways.

136

I just don't have a tolerance for it and watching my son play golf and watching him try and win And him,

137

you know, when he loses,

138

it's very difficult for me to just be like,

139

oh, that's a right kid.

140

You gave it your best shot.

141

Like the two of us together are just devastated by this.

142

We just don't have a tolerance for it.

143

And I think that I like that about myself in many ways.

144

And I don't like it either.

145

I like that I'm always striving for better.

146

I like that I want to win.

147

I like that I demand excellence for myself and other people.

148

But I also don't like how it makes me feel more on edge and more intense than I think is often necessary.

149

And so the answer that I've come up with,

150

and hopefully I can help you do it too,

151

because I think a lot of us who demand excellence from ourselves and other people,

152

who want things to work,

153

who want to always be bettering ourselves,

154

who want to always win.

155

I think that we can find a middle ground or even a kind of two-thirds ground that will make our lives easier,

156

that will make us calm down,

157

not be reactive, be more tolerant of other people who aren't like us,

158

who aren't as intense, who aren't as hardcore

159

and not feel like we're giving up the essence of who we are

160

and settling for something that's less than what we ultimately want.

161

And so for some of you,

162

you may use a different word besides tolerance.

163

Maybe you, you, you know,

164

I was using the words like easygoing,

165

chill, not bothered versus hardcore intense with a low tolerance.

166

And, and is it good or bad?

167

And is there a time and place for all of it?

168

And so one of the things

169

that I have decided as I've kind of been living within this question is

170

that I do want to be more tolerant and I never wanna give up striving for excellence.

171

And is there a really amazing mixture of being easygoing,

172

hardcore, chill and intense and a combination of a low tolerance for bad behavior from myself and for others,

173

but not bothered by things that don't really matter to me?

174

And I think the answer is yes.

175

I think there is a cool combination of both of those where we don't have to pretend.

176

And that for me is the most important thing because listen,

177

if I lose a game,

178

I can pretend that I don't care,

179

that I just lost at Monopoly,

180

but I do care that I just lost at Monopoly,

181

even though they're six years old and I lost at Monopoly.

182

I really care.

183

And so can I care that I lost without overreacting,

184

without being unnecessarily intense, with being easygoing,

185

and also with wanting to continue to try and win in every way that I can,

186

but not in a way where I'm not even enjoying the process or enjoying my own behavior.

187

And I think I have a tendency,

188

and knowing this about myself,

189

I have a tendency to err on the side of being too intense

190

and having too high of expectations and too overreacting when they're not fulfilled.

191

And knowing that, knowing that I have a very low tolerance for all of those things helps me kind of manage myself,

192

like having that understanding.

193

I can manage myself and say,

194

okay, Brooke, you're probably always going to err on the side of being too intense.

195

So dialing that down will probably never cost you excellence.

196

It probably won't ever cost you the kind of intense life that you want to live,

197

but it also might help you release from having to win everything or being so upset by everything.

198

And the last podcast that I did,

199

where you could really look at defeat and like really understanding how to deal with defeat,

200

is kind of part of this question.

201

And how do we move forward and never beat ourselves up

202

and always love ourselves through the process and always be encouraging ourselves to grow,

203

but not in a way that's kind of,

204

I don't know, patronizing to our own capability and where we're not gonna all of a sudden just think everything's fine.

205

This is like one of my fears, like everything's fine.

206

No one needs to worry about anything.

207

I'm not upset about anything.

208

nothing bothers me.

209

I like genuinely want things to bother me.

210

When something's broken in my house,

211

I want that to bother me.

212

When I don't win, I want that to bother me.

213

I just don't want it to bother me so much

214

that I'm constantly trying to outrun my own losses and my own broken items and my own things at my own expense.

215

So here are a couple of questions that I'm going to use

216

and maybe you could use when you're trying to be more tolerant in your own life.

217

And for some of you,

218

you may have the opposite problem.

219

You may want to be less tolerant of having everything be broken in your house

220

or having people mistreat you or have people talking to you in an unacceptable tone of voice,

221

that sort of thing.

222

Maybe you want to err on the other side of this equation

223

and be less tolerant and more kind of bothered

224

and hardcore about your own boundaries and about what kind of behavior you will accept.

225

Maybe it's from your employees,

226

maybe it's from your children,

227

maybe it's from your family or friends, whatever.

228

So you know who you are.

229

You know if you're too easygoing,

230

so it's like at your own expense,

231

or if you're too intense at your own expense.

232

So here are some questions that we can all ask to kind of help us kind of ride that middle ground,

233

I think, is does this really matter to me and why?

234

So let's say someone is talking to you

235

or someone's showing up late all the time

236

or talking to you in a mean tone of voice

237

or calling you at all hours and demanding that you pick up the phone, something like this.

238

and you're tolerating that behavior and you're tolerating putting up with it.

239

And you ask yourself, does this really matter?

240

Do I actually care that this person is doing this?

241

And if the answer is yes,

242

then you can decide I want to be more intense here.

243

I wanna be more verbal here.

244

I wanna be less accepting here.

245

I know that sounds crazy,

246

but I wanna be less tolerant,

247

less accepting and more bothered in this situation.

248

Or if the answer is no,

249

this doesn't matter to me at all.

250

Like, I don't want this to bother me.

251

I don't want to be intense about this.

252

I don't want to be hardcore about this.

253

Because for example, for me,

254

like I'm very bothered when I don't perform at the level.

255

And I'm very bothered when people,

256

you know, especially people that work for me don't do what they say they're going to do,

257

or they don't think through things before they do them.

258

So that's like, I want to be bothered when they don't do that.

259

But there's other things that like people making fun of me,

260

people talking about me, making comments on the internet,

261

people being rude to me or whatever.

262

Like that stuff, I just don't want any of it to bother me.

263

It makes me feel disempowered.

264

I want to feel powerful in my own right.

265

That stuff doesn't matter to me.

266

So that's the first question.

267

Does this matter to me?

268

Why?

269

Or maybe why not?

270

and what action do I wanna take in my life to demonstrate more tolerance or less tolerance in this area?

271

And that's it.

272

And I have really grown a lot thinking about this question and deciding who I wanna be.

273

It makes me feel like super empowered.

274

Like I can just be a person who isn't bothered by certain things.

275

And one of the things that the podcast let me do like in the last podcast

276

that I created is it just helped me turn situations where I have a low tolerance,

277

where I'd be super bothered into learning opportunities,

278

where instead of being just mad and upset about a defeat,

279

I can use it as an opportunity to learn.

280

And instead of being mad about how I'm allowing someone to treat me,

281

I can use that as an opportunity to develop a lower level of tolerance for being treated that way

282

and to use that as a learning opportunity to grow who I am as a human.

283

One of the things that's happened for me as I've turned 50 and I feel like I'm at my midlife,

284

I'm at halfway through my life,

285

so to speak, is really questioning who I am

286

and who I want to be on the regular and feeling empowered to make that decision.

287

And I will say I'm making a decision to be more tolerant in some ways with myself

288

and with other people and with situations.

289

And after I've made that decision,

290

I have had people in my life,

291

it's so fascinating, like so many people in my life just being like,

292

whoa, what has happened to you?

293

What is going on?

294

And I had one person say,

295

are you losing your touch?

296

Are you losing your edge?

297

And I'm like, maybe a little bit.

298

Maybe I'm losing a little bit,

299

but I think it's worth that sacrifice in order to be a little bit more chill more of the time.

300

I'm never going to lose my fire.

301

I'm never going to lose my ambition.

302

I'm never going to lose my kind of demanding of excellence,

303

but I am going to be a little bit more tolerant and a little bit more chill.

304

And that feels good to me.

305

So let me invite you to do the same.

306

Look around at your life.

307

Where are you being too tolerant?

308

Where are you putting up with too much nonsense?

309

And where in your life are you really being too bothered and having a low level of tolerance?

310

Ask yourself, does this really matter and why?

311

And what action steps can I take?

312

And of course, that's going to come from your thoughts originally to be more tolerant or less tolerant in this area.

313

I hope this is as useful of a question to you as it was to me.

314

It's been a life changer for me.

315

Have a beautiful week, everyone.

316

I'll talk to you next week.

317

Bye-bye.

318

Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast,

319

you have to come check out Self-Coaching Scholars.

320

It's my monthly coaching program where we take all this material and we apply it.

321

We take it to the next level and we study it.

322

Join me over at thelifecoachschool.com forward slash join.

323

Make sure you type in the the lifecoachschool.com forward slash join.

324

I'd love to have you join me in self-coaching scholars.

325

See you there.

TRENDING

Phổ biến

Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?

Shadowing là kỹ thuật học ngôn ngữ có cơ sở khoa học, ban đầu được phát triển cho chương trình đào tạo phiên dịch viên chuyên nghiệp và được phổ biến rộng rãi bởi nhà đa ngôn ngữ học Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Nguyên lý cốt lõi đơn giản nhưng cực kỳ hiệu quả: bạn nghe tiếng Anh của người bản xứ và lặp lại to ngay lập tức — như một "cái bóng" (shadow) đuổi theo người nói với độ trễ chỉ 1–2 giây. Khác với luyện ngữ pháp hay học từ vựng bị động, Shadowing buộc não bộ và cơ miệng phải đồng thời xử lý và tái tạo ngôn ngữ thực tế. Các nghiên cứu khoa học xác nhận phương pháp này cải thiện đáng kể phát âm, ngữ điệu, nhịp điệu, nối âm, kỹ năng nghe và độ lưu loát khi nói — đặc biệt hiệu quả cho người luyện IELTS Speaking và muốn giao tiếp tiếng Anh tự nhiên như người bản ngữ.

ShadowingEnglish.com – Luyện Nói Tiếng Anh Bằng Shadowing

Nói tiếng Anh lưu loát với phương pháp Shadowing — nghe người bản xứ, đọc theo từng câu, rèn phản xạ ngôn ngữ thật sự. Được hàng ngàn người học IELTS tin dùng.

Luyện nói tiếng Anh bằng Shadowing qua video: Ep #473: Tolerance

Phổ biến

Về Bài Học Này

Từ Vựng & Cụm Từ Quan Trọng

Mẹo Luyện Tập

Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?

Luyện nói tiếng Anh bằng Shadowing qua video: Ep #473: Tolerance

Tải Ứng Dụng

Về Bài Học Này

Từ Vựng & Cụm Từ Quan Trọng

Mẹo Luyện Tập

Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?