Shadowing Practice: How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Have you ever wondered what it sounds like to be direct with someone?
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How to be direct in speaking to someone?
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Well, this episode is for you.
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We're going to get right to the point, short, concise, direct, all that and more.
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Let's go.
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Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.
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If you are listening on any platform, I'm going to ask that you find the button that says subscribe
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or like or comment because it helps this podcast and it tells wherever you're listening that this is good quality content.
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And that's my promise that if you listen to these episodes and subscribe to them, I'm going to make you a better communicator.
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Thank you.
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That's CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson, use the code Jefferson and get up to 20% off.
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Let's keep going.
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I speak to a lot of people, not just, I don't mean that in people in the world.
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I mean, specifically in my job as an attorney.
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I speak to a lot of people and I train a lot of people in how to communicate.
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And one of the number one things that I hear time and time again is Jefferson, I wish I could just, I'm not very direct when it comes to depositions, cross-examination, direct examination.
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When I answer questions from people, I have a really hard time being direct.
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And I wish that I wasn't that way.
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If that's you, if you're listening and go, I wish I could be more direct.
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I really don't know how it sounds and I really don't know how to do it, this is the episode.
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I'm going to teach you exactly how to do it.
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So what is being direct?
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It is a straight line from A to B.
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That's what it is.
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No farther than what it needs to be.
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No longer than what it needs to be.
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It is not a detour.
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I want you to think of it like Google Maps or Waze or whatever you, you know, however you, maybe MapQuest, anybody?
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Think of it as a straight line.
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You're not taking any detours.
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You're not taking the scenic route in the conversation.
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You are getting there as fast as you can, most efficiently as you can.
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Yes, it's not artful.
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Yes, it's not some fancy sounding, very flowery language.
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It's just getting right to the point of exactly what you need to say.
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So that's what direct is.
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What does direct sound like?
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Direct sounds like your words sticking, not stretching, not expanding.
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So think of it like in the Olympics, right?
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They have
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in gymnastics in the summer Olympics
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and these gymnasts who are amazing do these amazing things in the air
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and then what's the goal here they want to stick the landing they do
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or they talk they say they do what they need to do the action is up here
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and then they stick the landing right there
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and then they throw their hands in the air
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and everybody applauds that's what you're looking for you're not looking
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for the type of motion where it continues just to carry on and on
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and on where it's not like i don't know just watch
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the winter olympics i'm thinking of like curling you know where they do the ice, the block of ice, and I don't really know how it works, but it seems kind of cool.
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Then they have like their mops.
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Anyway, so how can we do this in your everyday communication?
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Here is a key and something that might be a hidden gem.
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In my opinion, speaking to customer service agents on the phone is the number one training ground for learning to speak directly.
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We all know what it's like to be on the phone with a customer service agent and it's 20 minutes later,
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30 minutes later, and you go, this is unbearable.
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This is terrible.
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I'm confused.
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They don't really know what I'm saying.
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I don't know how to get what I want.
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And it's just defeating.
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Most of the time it has to do not with the agent, has to do with how direct you are being, what you are asking for.
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So I'm going to give you a one, two, three, that's going to help you not only be more direct, but also probably help with some customer service agents.
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Now, first I want to call it what it is.
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Customer service reps, they don't have all this space usually to be creative.
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They have very limited options in what they can do, like a doctor or an attorney or different occupations where it's like a triage.
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If it's not this, then it's that.
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And it's this decision tree of information.
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And that's what they're trained on.
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So if you don't fall into one of those categories, they don't really know how to help.
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And what makes it worse are these problems.
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One, you begin with the story.
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You begin with a story.
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So you start saying, okay, so the other day I bought this thing and I, and it is not really working and I'm not really sure.
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And you start giving all the background context.
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That is not helpful.
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And it's not sounding direct at all.
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It makes it harder and prolongs the issue.
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Another mistake is where you kind of hint at what you want them to do
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and just expect them to kind of read your mind rather than being direct and asking for what you want.
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And three, you over explain and over talk to where you feel as
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if they're going to feel you're justified and so entitled and it's going to lead them directly to the answer.
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You see how you're dealing with customer service in
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that way can be the same exact thing of how you deal with ordinary people.
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You might have the tendency to expect them to read your mind
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you might have the tendency to feel like they should already know what you want
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and where you're going and so you don't feel
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that inner desire to be direct you just expect
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that they naturally know where you're going and that you're entitled to something and it's their job to get it
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but in truth it's your job to be direct that's why i say
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that the customer service on the phone with them is the great training ground
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because you can learn to say things more concisely and you don't, I'm not at all saying, let me make this very clear,
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do not call customer service just for the fun of it and be rude and be ugly and say things.
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And that is not cool.
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And that is not at all what I'm saying.
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What I am saying is that for you to be direct, you have to practice it.
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And these little customer service interactions, whether it's a wait staff or it's hotel staff
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or it's customer service these are chances for you to practice
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Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you.
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All right, let's keep going.
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How do I speak more directly?
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I'm so glad you asked.
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So here's how to do it.
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Number one, state the issue.
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In one sentence, for example, there's been a charge on my account.
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This product was not delivered.
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This is the problem.
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So if you have a problem, If you have a hard time describing what the issue is,
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just finish the sentence, this is my problem, blank.
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Blank is my problem.
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Be very, very clear on exactly what the issue is.
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Number two, you have to state the impact.
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What has been the impact to you?
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There's a charge on my account.
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It cost me $75.
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This is late.
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I am not able to do this.
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State the impact, the harm, the consequence.
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It's very similar to kind of like in legal things.
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You have to write a petition, state a petition.
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In a petition, which is a written document, you state the issue, you state the harm, and well, who's responsible for it?
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Same kind of principle.
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You're having to state why they are responsible.
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So first, you have the issue.
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Second, you have the impact.
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And third, you state the remedy, what you're wanting them to do.
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I've had a charge on my account.
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It's $75.
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I want this money back.
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I need a refund.
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I want to exchange this.
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I need to X.
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Be explicit as possible, specific as possible.
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This is where you get to say, that doesn't work for me.
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Nope.
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I don't agree with that.
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For some people, that is really hard to do.
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They have a hard time pushing against that.
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It's an uncomfortable feeling.
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You get to train that.
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It is a learned skill.
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Believe me, it is a learned skill.
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You can do this.
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Three separate boxes here.
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You're going to state what the problem is, two, state the impact, and three, state the resolution.
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What are you asking for?
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What are you needing them to do?
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You can apply this at home, at work, anytime.
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When you get to say, here is my problem.
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Here's the impact to me.
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Here's what I'm asking you to do.
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Here's how you can fix it.
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Here's the fix that I've come up with.
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Don't do it to where you just state the problem and go, I leave it up to you.
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Find the solution.
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Ask exactly for the solution that you want.
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Now, if you say, I want a refund and customer service says, I'm sorry, sir, we can't do this.
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You said, that's not acceptable.
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Then what are my other options?
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Ask, what are my other options?
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Is there a way that I can escalate this?
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What is a solution that is available to me?
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How can I escalate this?
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They all have a procedure in their book of what to do when.
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And yeah, maybe you do hit a dead end, but you can at least rest assured that you've been direct about it and stating what you want.
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No, you're not going to use that company again.
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You know you're going to cut off the relationship with that because they're not giving you what you want.
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Same thing with everyday human relationships and romantic relationships or dating relationships.
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If you are not being direct and stating what you want, you are setting yourself up for failure.
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This kind of reminds me of this quote that I heard, and it's something to the tune of,
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the single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place, right?
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Like where you think you were very direct and the other person doesn't feel that at all.
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They're left confused.
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The sharper you can be and say, hey, this is what you said.
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This hurt me.
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I want you to apologize.
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it's kind of the same, it's all the same system.
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It's all the same system.
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Hey, you left your toys out, your Legos out.
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I stepped on one of them and it caused me immense pain.
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I need you to pick these up now.
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True story for me, many nights, right?
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You see how it is bam, bam, bam.
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You're sticking the landing every single time.
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It could be also as simple as, I know that you want this from me.
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That's something I'm not comfortable with.
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My answer needs to be no. Period.
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Stick the landing every time.
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I really like that phrase.
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My answer needs to be no. I need to say no. What a good phrase.
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Whenever you can be very direct with somebody, they actually appreciate it more.
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I like to say that sometimes the kindest thing you can do is be as direct as you can be.
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When you're not direct with somebody, you're indirect.
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It's like it's trying to go through the back door.
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Like there's a front door on a house for a reason.
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Go up and knock on it.
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Go through the front door.
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You're not going to try and find a window that's open somewhere else.
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Go through the front door.
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That's what it's there for.
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People who struggle with being direct, it's usually because you're not using the right type of frame or system to deliver the message.
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You typically start instead with a story and you're giving context.
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And now let's keep going.
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This happens a lot in the law firm.
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We'll have a new client, potential client who calls, and they talk to the receptionist and they go okay
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so the other day like uh three months ago i had this guy
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and he did this and you know i did
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and they start saying all of the tea all this context that's been in their mind
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and it's all story and it's convoluted and they're like no wait
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and so this guy and they start dropping names and then they're like well he did this and then actually, you know what, wait, let me back up.
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What he did was that is maddening.
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All right.
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I understand that it usually comes from insecurity or fear.
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And it's, it's the fear of that you're not giving enough information.
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Totally valid.
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What the other person hears and what the other person is doing is trying to distill like,
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okay, what's, what's relevant? what's not relevant what's the issue what's not the issue and it's it's like playing um
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um like an i spy book game like a where's walter like you're just you're searching for the things
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that go that's the issue right there but not everybody does
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that they're not going to just try to find the issues for you in
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that type of capacity instead they're going to be just as lost
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so what are they going to do they're going to say what they want
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because they don't really know what you're asking for.
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So you start with a story.
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I can promise you, you're going to end up being disappointed when it comes to being direct.
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Unless, I'd say unless, there was a reason why the story is important and that would come on the back end.
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So instead I would say, here's my issue.
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Here's the impact to me.
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Here's how I want you to fix it.
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And they're going to give a response and you say, I'm going to give you more information because you need to know this, right?
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That's when you're able to give the additional information,
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but you don't want to start with it because it sounds like you're trying to,
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I don't know, run up, go up on an escalator that's going down.
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Like you're just going to be running in motion and not getting anywhere.
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All right.
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We've talked about what being direct is.
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We've talked about what being direct sounds like, how you want to stick the landing, how you want to have short, choppy sentences.
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In my world, what I like to teach is if you can't say it in three sentences, you need to think about it again.
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You need to condense.
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You need to reduce.
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So let me give that little tidbit to you.
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I have a three sentence rule that I like to live by, both in my company and regular communication, if need be.
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And it's this, if I can't say it in three sentences, I need to go back and think about it.
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Now, the other people, if they're asking for information on something and they need context, absolutely, I'm going to give that.
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But in terms of me initiating a message, if I cannot say it in three sentences, not run on sentences, but actual grammatical sentences,
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then I need to go back to the drawing board.
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It's that that quote about if I would, I would have written you a shorter letter if I had had more time,
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like it takes effort to try and condense information down.
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And so when I can do that, that's me being direct.
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And when I can use the method that we just talked about, what I just taught you of stating first what the issue
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is to say this is my problem two this is the impact to me how it has affected me
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and three the fix the resolution the result this is what
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I am asking you to do whether it's just to listen
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whether it's just to note it for the record whether it is to
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compensate me to be able to recover something back in some way to remedy this.
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That is a system that you can use in a lot of different contexts.
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And here, the main focus is stick your landing.
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And that's exactly what I'm going to do right now.
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All right.
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Thank you.
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Bye.
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Try that and follow me.
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Vocabulario y notas de pronunciación para esta lección
Esta lección de conversación de nivel B2 se basa en el vídeo “How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude”. Este vídeo tiene 317 frases y 3496 palabras para practicar shadowing. La parte hablada dura 20:09. El hablante habla a un ritmo natural de unas 174 palabras por minuto, cercano a una conversación cotidiana. El 87 % de las palabras está entre las 3.000 más comunes del inglés, por lo que el vocabulario es fácil de seguir.
Vocabulario clave de este vídeo
Las 15 palabras más avanzadas del vídeo, con su pronunciación y significado:
| Palabra | Pronunciación | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| cosy adjetivo | /ˈkoʊzi/ | acogedor, hogareño |
| podcast sustantivo | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | podcast, pódcast |
| condense verbo | /kənˈdɛns/ | condensar |
| detour sustantivo | /ˈdi.toɹ/ | desvío, detur |
| escalate verbo | /ˈɛs.kə.leɪt/ | elevar a un nivel superior |
| seafood sustantivo | /ˈsiːfuːd/ | marisco |
| butcher sustantivo | /ˈbʊt͡ʃə/ | carnicero, carnicera |
| shrimp sustantivo | /ʃɹɪmp/ | camarón |
| promo sustantivo | /ˈpɹəʊməʊ/ | promo |
| remedy sustantivo | /ˈɹɛmədi/ | remedio |
| verify verbo | /ˈvɛɹɪfaɪ/ | verificar |
| towel sustantivo | /ˈtaʊ̯əl/ | toalla, toballa |
| refund sustantivo | /ɹɪˈfʌnd/ | reembolso, reintegro |
| tendency sustantivo | /ˈtɛn.dən.si/ | tendencia |
| steak sustantivo | /steɪk/ | bistec, bisté |
Phrasal verbs que vas a escuchar
| Palabra | Significado |
|---|---|
| go through verbo | atravesar |
| get up to verbo | cometer |
| back up verbo | retroceder, ciar |
| come up with verbo | ingeniar, ingeniarse |
| end up verbo | terminar, ir a parar |
| get off verbo | bajarse |
| go up verbo | subir |
Frases que vale la pena repetir
Frases cortas y completas del vídeo que puedes reutilizar en la conversación diaria:
- How do I speak more directly?
- What has been the impact to you?
- What are you asking for?
- What are you needing them to do?
- Then what are my other options?
Gramática en este vídeo
Las estructuras que más usa el hablante, con las palabras exactas del vídeo:
| Estructura | En el vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — una acción que empezó antes y continúa | who've been listening · have been wearing · I've been using |
| Present perfect have/has + participio pasado — una acción pasada que sigue importando ahora | they've led · has been · I've come |
| Voz pasiva be + participio pasado — importa lo que ocurre, no quién lo hace | is sponsored · was not delivered · being disappointed |
| Oraciones de relativo who / which + oración — información extra sobre una persona o cosa | petition, which is · People who struggle · accuracy, which makes |
Pronunciación a tener en cuenta
El hablante usa 113 contracciones y formas reducidas, como you're, don't, I'm. Dilas en su forma corta, tal como las oyes.
- Los sonidos de “sh” y “zh”: shrimp /ʃɹɪmp/, receptionist /ɹɪˈsɛp.ʃə.nɪst/, triage /ˈtɹi.ɑʒ/, deposition /ˌdɛp.əˈzɪʃ.ən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/
- Palabras largas — cuida el acento: independently /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəntli/, communicator /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/, contaminant /kənˈtamɪnənt/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/, escalator /ˈɛs.kə.leɪ.tɚ/
Sonidos difíciles para hispanohablantes:
- s + consonante al inicio — sin añadir una “e” delante: steak /steɪk/, sponsor /ˈspɒn.səː/, staple /ˈsteɪ.pəl/, stare /stɛɚ/
- /v/ — no es /b/: los dientes tocan el labio inferior: verify /ˈvɛɹɪfaɪ/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/
- /z/ — sonora, no /s/: cosy /ˈkoʊzi/, deposition /ˌdɛp.əˈzɪʃ.ən/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/
Cómo practicar con este vídeo
- Escucha el vídeo entero una vez sin hablar y anota las palabras que no conoces.
- Empieza a velocidad 0,75×, haz shadowing frase por frase y vuelve a la velocidad normal cuando te resulte fácil.
- Grábate y compara con el original, prestando atención a palabras como cosy, podcast, condense.
¿Qué es la Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing es una técnica de aprendizaje de idiomas respaldada por la ciencia, desarrollada originalmente para la formación de intérpretes profesionales y popularizada por el políglota Dr. Alexander Arguelles. El método es simple pero poderoso: escuchas audio en inglés nativo y lo repites en voz alta de inmediato, como una sombra que sigue al hablante con solo 1-2 segundos de retraso. A diferencia de la escucha pasiva o los ejercicios de gramática, el shadowing obliga a tu cerebro y músculos de la boca a procesar y reproducir simultáneamente patrones de habla reales. Las investigaciones muestran que mejora significativamente la precisión de la pronunciación, la entonación, el ritmo, el habla conectada, la comprensión auditiva y la fluidez al hablar, convirtiéndola en una de las metodologías más efectivas para la preparación del IELTS Speaking y la comunicación en inglés en el mundo real.