Shadowing Practice: How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude - Learn English Speaking with Video
Ders oluşturuluyor...
1
Have you ever wondered what it sounds like to be direct with someone?
2
How to be direct in speaking to someone?
3
Well, this episode is for you.
4
We're going to get right to the point, short, concise, direct, all that and more.
5
Let's go.
6
Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.
7
If you are listening on any platform, I'm going to ask that you find the button that says subscribe
8
or like or comment because it helps this podcast and it tells wherever you're listening that this is good quality content.
9
And that's my promise that if you listen to these episodes and subscribe to them, I'm going to make you a better communicator.
10
Thank you.
11
This podcast is sponsored by, you know, at Cozy Earth.
12
I love Cozy Earth because all of the products are extremely premium,
13
comfortable and cozy from bed sheets to bath towels to, um, house shoes.
14
To be honest, I've their house shoes.
15
If for those who've been listening to these episodes, they're still killing it.
16
I have been wearing these things around the house and they're fantastic.
17
So I, um, I can't recommend cozy earth enough.
18
We have their bed sheets.
19
We have their path.
20
They have these bath sheets, these like bath towels that are as tall as me.
21
I'm over six foot and they're huge and they're awesome.
22
So if you like quality products, you like things that are comfortable and cozy, look no further than Cozy Earth.
23
You can go to CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson, use the code Jefferson and get up to 20% off.
24
That's CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson, use the code Jefferson and get up to 20% off.
25
Let's keep going.
26
I speak to a lot of people, not just, I don't mean that in people in the world.
27
I mean, specifically in my job as an attorney.
28
I speak to a lot of people and I train a lot of people in how to communicate.
29
And one of the number one things that I hear time and time again is Jefferson, I wish I could just, I'm not very direct when it comes to depositions, cross-examination, direct examination.
30
When I answer questions from people, I have a really hard time being direct.
31
And I wish that I wasn't that way.
32
If that's you, if you're listening and go, I wish I could be more direct.
33
I really don't know how it sounds and I really don't know how to do it, this is the episode.
34
I'm going to teach you exactly how to do it.
35
So what is being direct?
36
It is a straight line from A to B.
37
That's what it is.
38
No farther than what it needs to be.
39
No longer than what it needs to be.
40
It is not a detour.
41
I want you to think of it like Google Maps or Waze or whatever you, you know, however you, maybe MapQuest, anybody?
42
Think of it as a straight line.
43
You're not taking any detours.
44
You're not taking the scenic route in the conversation.
45
You are getting there as fast as you can, most efficiently as you can.
46
Yes, it's not artful.
47
Yes, it's not some fancy sounding, very flowery language.
48
It's just getting right to the point of exactly what you need to say.
49
So that's what direct is.
50
What does direct sound like?
51
Direct sounds like your words sticking, not stretching, not expanding.
52
So think of it like in the Olympics, right?
53
They have
54
in gymnastics in the summer Olympics
55
and these gymnasts who are amazing do these amazing things in the air
56
and then what's the goal here they want to stick the landing they do
57
or they talk they say they do what they need to do the action is up here
58
and then they stick the landing right there
59
and then they throw their hands in the air
60
and everybody applauds that's what you're looking for you're not looking
61
for the type of motion where it continues just to carry on and on
62
and on where it's not like i don't know just watch
63
the winter olympics i'm thinking of like curling you know where they do the ice, the block of ice, and I don't really know how it works, but it seems kind of cool.
64
Then they have like their mops.
65
Anyway, so how can we do this in your everyday communication?
66
Here is a key and something that might be a hidden gem.
67
In my opinion, speaking to customer service agents on the phone is the number one training ground for learning to speak directly.
68
We all know what it's like to be on the phone with a customer service agent and it's 20 minutes later,
69
30 minutes later, and you go, this is unbearable.
70
This is terrible.
71
I'm confused.
72
They don't really know what I'm saying.
73
I don't know how to get what I want.
74
And it's just defeating.
75
Most of the time it has to do not with the agent, has to do with how direct you are being, what you are asking for.
76
So I'm going to give you a one, two, three, that's going to help you not only be more direct, but also probably help with some customer service agents.
77
Now, first I want to call it what it is.
78
Customer service reps, they don't have all this space usually to be creative.
79
They have very limited options in what they can do, like a doctor or an attorney or different occupations where it's like a triage.
80
If it's not this, then it's that.
81
And it's this decision tree of information.
82
And that's what they're trained on.
83
So if you don't fall into one of those categories, they don't really know how to help.
84
And what makes it worse are these problems.
85
One, you begin with the story.
86
You begin with a story.
87
So you start saying, okay, so the other day I bought this thing and I, and it is not really working and I'm not really sure.
88
And you start giving all the background context.
89
That is not helpful.
90
And it's not sounding direct at all.
91
It makes it harder and prolongs the issue.
92
Another mistake is where you kind of hint at what you want them to do
93
and just expect them to kind of read your mind rather than being direct and asking for what you want.
94
And three, you over explain and over talk to where you feel as
95
if they're going to feel you're justified and so entitled and it's going to lead them directly to the answer.
96
You see how you're dealing with customer service in
97
that way can be the same exact thing of how you deal with ordinary people.
98
You might have the tendency to expect them to read your mind
99
you might have the tendency to feel like they should already know what you want
100
and where you're going and so you don't feel
101
that inner desire to be direct you just expect
102
that they naturally know where you're going and that you're entitled to something and it's their job to get it
103
but in truth it's your job to be direct that's why i say
104
that the customer service on the phone with them is the great training ground
105
because you can learn to say things more concisely and you don't, I'm not at all saying, let me make this very clear,
106
do not call customer service just for the fun of it and be rude and be ugly and say things.
107
And that is not cool.
108
And that is not at all what I'm saying.
109
What I am saying is that for you to be direct, you have to practice it.
110
And these little customer service interactions, whether it's a wait staff or it's hotel staff
111
or it's customer service these are chances for you to practice
112
and say exactly what you want before we keep going I want to tell you about butcher box
113
when life gets busy and you don't know what you're going to eat for dinner
114
because we've all been there you're just standing and staring at the fridge
115
or at the pantry and you don't know what you're going to make for dinner
116
and the kids are going crazy
117
and you go I don't know what's going to happen butcher box thank goodness for ButcherBox and my family.
118
It makes dinner planning simple.
119
ButcherBox delivers over 100 premium protein options straight to your door, including 100% grass-fed beef, free-range organic chicken,
120
crate-free pork, and wild-caught seafood.
121
For over a decade, they've led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic-free, hormone-free, and independently verified.
122
Clean, trustworthy protein you can feel good about.
123
We had one last night.
124
I won the rib eyes.
125
It was great.
126
Every product meets the same high standards, whether you're cooking steaks or throwing chicken in the air fryer on a busy night.
127
And with fully customizable plans, it fits your routine and your schedule.
128
In our house, we generally like just the ground beef, the steaks, and the chicken.
129
My kids love the chicken.
130
ButcherBox has these chicken tenders, and they hit every single time with my kids.
131
So simple staples that make it easy to stay on track.
132
As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between organic ground beef, chicken breast, or shrimp in every box for a year.
133
Plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com slash Jefferson.
134
Your choice of organic ground beef, chicken breast, or shrimp in every box for an entire year.
135
That sounds awesome.
136
Plus $20 off your first box and free shipping as always.
137
That's butcherbox.com slash Jefferson.
138
Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you.
139
All right, let's keep going.
140
How do I speak more directly?
141
I'm so glad you asked.
142
So here's how to do it.
143
Number one, state the issue.
144
In one sentence, for example, there's been a charge on my account.
145
This product was not delivered.
146
This is the problem.
147
So if you have a problem, If you have a hard time describing what the issue is,
148
just finish the sentence, this is my problem, blank.
149
Blank is my problem.
150
Be very, very clear on exactly what the issue is.
151
Number two, you have to state the impact.
152
What has been the impact to you?
153
There's a charge on my account.
154
It cost me $75.
155
This is late.
156
I am not able to do this.
157
State the impact, the harm, the consequence.
158
It's very similar to kind of like in legal things.
159
You have to write a petition, state a petition.
160
In a petition, which is a written document, you state the issue, you state the harm, and well, who's responsible for it?
161
Same kind of principle.
162
You're having to state why they are responsible.
163
So first, you have the issue.
164
Second, you have the impact.
165
And third, you state the remedy, what you're wanting them to do.
166
I've had a charge on my account.
167
It's $75.
168
I want this money back.
169
I need a refund.
170
I want to exchange this.
171
I need to X.
172
Be explicit as possible, specific as possible.
173
This is where you get to say, that doesn't work for me.
174
Nope.
175
I don't agree with that.
176
For some people, that is really hard to do.
177
They have a hard time pushing against that.
178
It's an uncomfortable feeling.
179
You get to train that.
180
It is a learned skill.
181
Believe me, it is a learned skill.
182
You can do this.
183
Three separate boxes here.
184
You're going to state what the problem is, two, state the impact, and three, state the resolution.
185
What are you asking for?
186
What are you needing them to do?
187
You can apply this at home, at work, anytime.
188
When you get to say, here is my problem.
189
Here's the impact to me.
190
Here's what I'm asking you to do.
191
Here's how you can fix it.
192
Here's the fix that I've come up with.
193
Don't do it to where you just state the problem and go, I leave it up to you.
194
Find the solution.
195
Ask exactly for the solution that you want.
196
Now, if you say, I want a refund and customer service says, I'm sorry, sir, we can't do this.
197
You said, that's not acceptable.
198
Then what are my other options?
199
Ask, what are my other options?
200
Is there a way that I can escalate this?
201
What is a solution that is available to me?
202
How can I escalate this?
203
They all have a procedure in their book of what to do when.
204
And yeah, maybe you do hit a dead end, but you can at least rest assured that you've been direct about it and stating what you want.
205
No, you're not going to use that company again.
206
You know you're going to cut off the relationship with that because they're not giving you what you want.
207
Same thing with everyday human relationships and romantic relationships or dating relationships.
208
If you are not being direct and stating what you want, you are setting yourself up for failure.
209
This kind of reminds me of this quote that I heard, and it's something to the tune of,
210
the single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place, right?
211
Like where you think you were very direct and the other person doesn't feel that at all.
212
They're left confused.
213
The sharper you can be and say, hey, this is what you said.
214
This hurt me.
215
I want you to apologize.
216
it's kind of the same, it's all the same system.
217
It's all the same system.
218
Hey, you left your toys out, your Legos out.
219
I stepped on one of them and it caused me immense pain.
220
I need you to pick these up now.
221
True story for me, many nights, right?
222
You see how it is bam, bam, bam.
223
You're sticking the landing every single time.
224
It could be also as simple as, I know that you want this from me.
225
That's something I'm not comfortable with.
226
My answer needs to be no. Period.
227
Stick the landing every time.
228
I really like that phrase.
229
My answer needs to be no. I need to say no. What a good phrase.
230
Whenever you can be very direct with somebody, they actually appreciate it more.
231
I like to say that sometimes the kindest thing you can do is be as direct as you can be.
232
When you're not direct with somebody, you're indirect.
233
It's like it's trying to go through the back door.
234
Like there's a front door on a house for a reason.
235
Go up and knock on it.
236
Go through the front door.
237
You're not going to try and find a window that's open somewhere else.
238
Go through the front door.
239
That's what it's there for.
240
People who struggle with being direct, it's usually because you're not using the right type of frame or system to deliver the message.
241
You typically start instead with a story and you're giving context.
242
Before we keep going, I want to take a moment to tell you about Momentus.
243
Momentus is a company that I've been using long before they were ever a sponsor of this podcast.
244
To me, they make the top tier supplements in a space that typically has a lot of low regulation, like people cut corners.
245
They just throw in a lot of sugar and things.
246
They don't really tell what's all in their product.
247
That's why I partnered with Momentus.
248
They're known as a high trust brand and a low trust category by holding themselves to a higher bar, which they don't have to do, but they do.
249
They call it the Momentus standard.
250
It's all about quality, testing, and transparency done the right way.
251
Momentus uses top-tier ingredients like grass-fed whey protein from European dairy cows
252
and the purest form of creatine monohydrate with no fillers or artificial sweeteners.
253
And every product is independently certified by NSF4 Sport or and form support.
254
So you know it's tested for contaminants and verified for label accuracy, which makes me feel a whole lot better.
255
In a space where trust is rare, Momentus is changing the game.
256
Right now, you can get 35% off your first order with promo code Jefferson at livemomentus.com.
257
That's livemomentus.com, promo code Jefferson.
258
And now let's keep going.
259
This happens a lot in the law firm.
260
We'll have a new client, potential client who calls, and they talk to the receptionist and they go okay
261
so the other day like uh three months ago i had this guy
262
and he did this and you know i did
263
and they start saying all of the tea all this context that's been in their mind
264
and it's all story and it's convoluted and they're like no wait
265
and so this guy and they start dropping names and then they're like well he did this and then actually, you know what, wait, let me back up.
266
What he did was that is maddening.
267
All right.
268
I understand that it usually comes from insecurity or fear.
269
And it's, it's the fear of that you're not giving enough information.
270
Totally valid.
271
What the other person hears and what the other person is doing is trying to distill like,
272
okay, what's, what's relevant? what's not relevant what's the issue what's not the issue and it's it's like playing um
273
um like an i spy book game like a where's walter like you're just you're searching for the things
274
that go that's the issue right there but not everybody does
275
that they're not going to just try to find the issues for you in
276
that type of capacity instead they're going to be just as lost
277
so what are they going to do they're going to say what they want
278
because they don't really know what you're asking for.
279
So you start with a story.
280
I can promise you, you're going to end up being disappointed when it comes to being direct.
281
Unless, I'd say unless, there was a reason why the story is important and that would come on the back end.
282
So instead I would say, here's my issue.
283
Here's the impact to me.
284
Here's how I want you to fix it.
285
And they're going to give a response and you say, I'm going to give you more information because you need to know this, right?
286
That's when you're able to give the additional information,
287
but you don't want to start with it because it sounds like you're trying to,
288
I don't know, run up, go up on an escalator that's going down.
289
Like you're just going to be running in motion and not getting anywhere.
290
All right.
291
We've talked about what being direct is.
292
We've talked about what being direct sounds like, how you want to stick the landing, how you want to have short, choppy sentences.
293
In my world, what I like to teach is if you can't say it in three sentences, you need to think about it again.
294
You need to condense.
295
You need to reduce.
296
So let me give that little tidbit to you.
297
I have a three sentence rule that I like to live by, both in my company and regular communication, if need be.
298
And it's this, if I can't say it in three sentences, I need to go back and think about it.
299
Now, the other people, if they're asking for information on something and they need context, absolutely, I'm going to give that.
300
But in terms of me initiating a message, if I cannot say it in three sentences, not run on sentences, but actual grammatical sentences,
301
then I need to go back to the drawing board.
302
It's that that quote about if I would, I would have written you a shorter letter if I had had more time,
303
like it takes effort to try and condense information down.
304
And so when I can do that, that's me being direct.
305
And when I can use the method that we just talked about, what I just taught you of stating first what the issue
306
is to say this is my problem two this is the impact to me how it has affected me
307
and three the fix the resolution the result this is what
308
I am asking you to do whether it's just to listen
309
whether it's just to note it for the record whether it is to
310
compensate me to be able to recover something back in some way to remedy this.
311
That is a system that you can use in a lot of different contexts.
312
And here, the main focus is stick your landing.
313
And that's exactly what I'm going to do right now.
314
All right.
315
Thank you.
316
Bye.
317
Try that and follow me.
📺 Aynı Kanal
B11
Use This Phrase on The Silent Treatment
Business EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
Never Struggle with Small Talk Again | Easy Tips for Better Conversations
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
THIS is How To Be Direct Without Hurting People | Jefferson Fisher
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
Erin McGoff: How to be Instantly More Confident at Work
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B21
You’re Losing Respect Every Time You Say This
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
Finance Expert: How You Talk About Money Matters Ft. Vivian Tu
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2How Strong Communicators Handle Difficult Talks
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B23 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1what to say instead of staying silent
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1Be more direct.
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
✨ Video Öner
B21
253 cümleler
English Listening Podcast - Why is it Hard to Become Advanced?
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
107 cümleler
Be Direct in English. If You Worry You Sound Rude, Watch This.
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
427 cümleler
7 Ways You're Overcomplicating English Learning
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
284 cümleler
2689 - Don’t Want to Sound Harsh? Soften the Blow with These Phrases
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
109 cümleler
How To Speak American English: Everything You Need
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
435 cümleler
Don't Lose the Room: How to Make Ideas Stick
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B25
164 cümleler
English Fluency: The 3 Types of Speaking Practice You Actually Need
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2348 cümleler
How to Communicate So People Actually Listen
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B12
70 cümleler
Hear it & Say it: Listen and Repeat English Sentences for Speaking Practice
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
21 cümleler
3 Phrases To Keep A Conversation Going #communicationskills
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 317 cümle ve 3496 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 20:09 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 174 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %87’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| podcast isim | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | podcast |
| condense fiil | /kənˈdɛns/ | yoğuşmak |
| escalate fiil | /ˈɛs.kə.leɪt/ | yoğunlaştırmak |
| seafood isim | /ˈsiːfuːd/ | deniz ürünü, deniz ürünleri |
| butcher isim | /ˈbʊt͡ʃə/ | kasap |
| shrimp isim | /ʃɹɪmp/ | karides |
| remedy isim | /ˈɹɛmədi/ | tıp |
| verify fiil | /ˈvɛɹɪfaɪ/ | doğrulamak |
| towel isim | /ˈtaʊ̯əl/ | havlu, peşkir |
| refund isim | /ɹɪˈfʌnd/ | geri ödemek |
| tendency isim | /ˈtɛn.dən.si/ | eğilim, tandans |
| steak isim | /steɪk/ | biftek |
| subscribe fiil | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | abone olmak |
| tier isim | /ˈtɪɚ/ | tabaka |
| applaud fiil | /əˈplɔd/ | alkışlamak, el çırpmak |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| get off fiil | inmek |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- How do I speak more directly?
- What has been the impact to you?
- What are you asking for?
- What are you needing them to do?
- Then what are my other options?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem | who've been listening · have been wearing · I've been using |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | they've led · has been · I've come |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | is sponsored · was not delivered · being disappointed |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | petition, which is · People who struggle · accuracy, which makes |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, don't, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 113 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: shrimp /ʃɹɪmp/, receptionist /ɹɪˈsɛp.ʃə.nɪst/, triage /ˈtɹi.ɑʒ/, deposition /ˌdɛp.əˈzɪʃ.ən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: independently /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəntli/, communicator /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/, contaminant /kənˈtamɪnənt/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/, escalator /ˈɛs.kə.leɪ.tɚ/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: trustworthy /ˈtɹʌst.wɜː.ði/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: shrimp /ʃɹɪmp/, promo /ˈpɹəʊməʊ/, steak /steɪk/, sponsor /ˈspɒn.səː/, blank /ˈblæŋk/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, blank /ˈblæŋk/, grammatical /ɡɹəˈmæt.ɪ.kəl/, gymnast /ˈd͡ʒɪm.næst/, pantry /ˈpæntɹi/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; podcast, condense, escalate gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.