Shadowing Practice: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship - Learn English Speaking with Video

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How to recognize a toxic relationship.

That's what I'm gonna be talking about today.

I'm gonna give you 10 red flags to recognize and four ways to detox the relationship.

I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and this channel is about mental health education and self -improvement.

I publish videos every week, so if you don't wanna miss one, click subscribe.

This information is not just for your relationship with your partner.

It could be anyone with whom you're close and who takes up space in your life, a boyfriend, sister, mother.

And since we all have faults, how can you tell when you need to accept someone's flaws or when you're overlooking a serious issue?

People do change, after all, as they mature, so it's not completely unreasonable to think

that someone can change their behavior but there are some behaviors

and attitudes that just don't change much with time at least not without professional help

and because they're a part of the person's personality

so here are a list of some behaviors

that I think you should not overlook or ignore and just think

that they'll go away with time and also these are not transient behaviors

that only pop up when someone's going through a bad patch.

These are behaviors or attitudes that persist over time regardless of the circumstances.

So number one, chronic anger.

The anger can take the form of blow -ups, irritability, moodiness, and this is not just due to depression or anxiety.

In this case, the person uses anger to control.

So you find yourself tiptoeing around their anger and you measure what you do because you don't want to make them angry.

Number two, chronic sarcasm.

This is really just a disguised form of anger.

Number three, disparaging humor.

And this is similar to sarcasm.

Sarcasm is wit with bitterness behind it.

And here the person is always putting something or someone down but in a joking way.

Number four, having a punitive mindset.

Feeling as though people deserve the bad things that happened to them or idiots deserve to lose.

Here's another example.

Suppose I blow up at you and call you a this

or that and then you get upset and then I say well sorry I hurt your feelings but you push my buttons.

You shouldn't have pushed my buttons.

That's not an apology because what I'm really saying is I'm not.

I mean yeah I don't like that you got upset sort of but you deserved my wrath for being stupid.

That's a punitive mindset.

Number five, a controlling nature.

Here's an example of this.

Suppose I tell you I don't think you look good in purple

and then I see you out somewhere and you're wearing purple

and I get angry because after all

if you really cared about me you wouldn't wear purple because I told you you don't look good in it.

So wearing that shirt means that you don't value you my opinion

and you don't really care about me at all

and your response is well of course I care about you I won't wear the shirt again I'm

so sorry now you have to think twice every morning

when you look in your closet to make sure you're not gonna put on something

that I said I didn't like and

that invalidates me that's controlling number six excessive insecurity

this is where the person needs you to reassure them constantly

they can also need you to agree with them do what they say do it their way etc

because if you don't then they don't feel good about themselves

and they'll blame you for that number seven extremely opinionated

and this is a disguised form of someone who's judgmental and usually with judgment comes criticism number eight the manipulator.

And how do they do this?

They may use guilt to make you do things by using a lot of if -then statements.

So if, like I used in the previous example, if you really cared about me then you do this.

If you hear them using a lot of if - thens, that's an indication or sign that they're trying to manipulate you.

They also don't take no for an answer and they try and get you to change your mind a lot.

A subtle way they can try

and get you to change your mind is by making the same request of you over and over and asking why.

So you've already told them no you don't want to do something

there they want you to do they keep asking you so why don't you want to do this?

So as an example let's say I tell you I'd like you to move in with me

and you don't want to you've already told me no and

then I get my place together well why won't you move in with me

and you say I think it's a great day oh, I just, I don't want to shack.

I don't believe in shacking.

Shacking, where do you get that from?

That's your parents talking, that's not you.

And I say all these things to shoot down your reasoning.

That conversation goes away.

We have the same conversation, I bring it up again.

Oh, why won't you, I got this nice place, why won't you move in with me?

Come on, move in with me.

And then after a while, it just gets to where you feel like you gotta recraft your answer over and over.

You don't have another way of saying it.

I've talked you down every time you gave your answer

so at some point you finally get to the place where you're like well

I guess I don't really have a good reason okay and then I've won.

That's manipulation.

Number nine, predominant self -centeredness.

These are people who take more than they give and

they still may give but only after they feel satisfied

that their needs have have been fully met before they give back to someone else.

And even when they do give up themselves, it's easy for them to feel like they've given too much

and then feel exploited and taken advantage of and they'll blame you for that.

So sometimes it doesn't even feel good to get something from this person

because you know there's gonna be a price to pay on the back end

when they blame you for taking advantage of them.

The number 10 and the last red negative flag here is the need to always be on the offense.

They have a world view that people will always try and stick it to you unless you get yours first.

So they always have to get over in some way.

For every transaction, they have to be on the upside.

If you grew up around someone who did these kind of things,

you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don't like their behavior.

Because even objectionable behavior can feel familiar and comfortable at some level.

What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?

Here are four suggestions on how to detox it.

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Number one, take a break from your interactions with the person.

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You need to give yourself time to reflect on what bothers you about the relationship.

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How do you feel when you're away from the person?

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How much do you miss them?

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What do you miss about the person?

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Here you're getting some clarity on the negatives and the positives of the relationship.

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Number two, create emotional distance.

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And this is really the key to disentangling from toxic relationships.

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Think about how much closeness is necessary.

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Is this person in your life your spouse?

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If so, then you should get professional help to help improve the relationship.

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But aside from that, you still need to pull back ever so slightly.

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And this isn't to say that you should be cold to your spouse

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but suppose your wife is cynical and critical and this has beaten you down over the years.

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To protect your self -esteem you're gonna need to give her opinion less weight

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so that you don't internalize her every negative opinion of you.

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And even in the closest relationships you still have to maintain your own thoughts and ideas and independence from your spouse.

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Now you may say, I don't want to keep secrets from my husband.

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This isn't about keeping secrets.

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Even though you're married, you still have separate minds

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and it's okay to have some thoughts that are your own and and no one else's.

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Your thoughts don't have to merge into one big thought bank

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and then both of you just dip out of the bank to know what's going on.

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But what if the person with whom you have this toxic relationship is your parent?

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Then you have to come to grips and accept

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that you're just not going to have an intimate relationship with your parent

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and this is a hard pill to swallow everyone wants at

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some base level to have a close relationship with their parent

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but people are people people are flawed individuals

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and sometimes it's just not possible to have that emotional intimacy

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that at least at the level

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that you think you should especially based on what we see in society of kind of the perfect relationships once

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you come to that realization, you pull back as far as you need to in order to maintain whatever relationship is logistically necessary.

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You just, you interact at a minimal level so you don't let their opinions define you.

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Number three suggestion, look at your contribution.

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What are you doing to keep the drama going?

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Are you picking fights with your partner and provoking him to lose it?

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Are you treating your mom the same way she treats

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you to just to get back at her we usually stay in toxic relationships for a reason even

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if it's a twisted reason

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and once you recognize how you're perpetuating the problem look to change the behavior

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and see how it impacts the relationship a lot of times

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when you address your own issue within

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that relationship things start to break down in the relationship naturally because you're a different person and

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that dyad that kept going before isn't clicking and working anymore because you're not playing your role anymore.

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Number four get professional help.

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Serious marital and family problems usually call for some form of counseling.

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You need an objective person to see both sides of the problem and

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if it's a relationship outside of your marriage

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then you work with your own therapist to see how you can recognize your your blind spots

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and recognize your contribution to the problem your personal therapist

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or coach can understand you

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and help give you some more specific information on how to handle the toxic relationship that's it for me

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that seemed really long it might just be because of talking about all

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that negativity but there is light at the end of the tunnel

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and you don't have to stay enmeshed in a negative relationship oh

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and I almost forgot I I mean an affirmation meditation video that goes along with this video today.

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So I'll put a link in the corner for you.

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Check it out.

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If you know someone who could use this information, please share this video.

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I'd like to hear your comments too.

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I do respond to comments.

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Vocabulario y notas de pronunciación para esta lección

Esta lección de conversación se basa en el vídeo “How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship”. Este vídeo tiene 161 frases y 1915 palabras para practicar shadowing. La parte hablada dura 11:09. El hablante habla a un ritmo natural de unas 172 palabras por minuto, cercano a una conversación cotidiana. El 87 % de las palabras está entre las 3.000 más comunes del inglés, por lo que el vocabulario es fácil de seguir.

Vocabulario clave de este vídeo

15 palabras del vídeo que vale la pena aprender, con su pronunciación y significado:

Palabra	Pronunciación	Significado
toxic adjetivo	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	tóxico
anger sustantivo	/ˈæŋɡə/	enfado, enojo
purple sustantivo	/ˈpɝ.pl̩/	morado, púrpura
spouse sustantivo	/spaʊ̯s/	cónyuge, consorte
sarcasm sustantivo	/ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/	sarcasmo, sorna
contribution sustantivo	/ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/	contribución, aporte
suggestion sustantivo	/səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/	sugerencia, propuesta
chronic adjetivo	/ˈkɹɑ.nɪk/	crónico
therapist sustantivo	/ˈθɛɹəpɪst/	terapeuta
mindset sustantivo	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	mentalidad, actitud
disguise verbo	/dɪsˈɡaɪz/	disfrazar, revestir
overlook verbo	/ˈoʊ.vɚˌlʊk/	pasar por alto, pasársele de alto
ignore verbo	/ɪɡˈnɔː/	ignorar, desoír
naturally adverbio	/ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/	naturalmente, a natura
regardless adverbio	/ɹɪˈɡɑɹd.lɪs/	pese a todo, a pesar de todo

Phrasal verbs que vas a escuchar

Palabra	Significado
get back at verbo	vengarse, desquitarse
give up verbo	rendirse, entregar
go along with verbo	ir junto con
go away verbo	irse, marcharse
go through verbo	atravesar
grow up verbo	crecer
pop up verbo	aparecerse

Frases que vale la pena repetir

Frases cortas y completas del vídeo que puedes reutilizar en la conversación diaria:

Shacking, where do you get that from?
What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?
How do you feel when you're away from the person?
How much do you miss them?
What do you miss about the person?

Gramática en este vídeo

Las estructuras que más usa el hablante, con las palabras exactas del vídeo:

Estructura	En el vídeo
Present perfect have/has + participio pasado — una acción pasada que sigue importando ahora	you've already told · I've talked · I've won
Voz pasiva be + participio pasado — importa lo que ocurre, no quién lo hace	have been fully met · being attracted · are flawed
Oraciones de relativo who / which + oración — información extra sobre una persona o cosa	people who take · someone who did · someone who could

Pronunciación a tener en cuenta

El hablante usa 75 contracciones y formas reducidas, como don't, you're, I'm. Dilas en su forma corta, tal como las oyes.

Los sonidos de “th”: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, wrath /ɹæθ/
Los sonidos de “sh” y “zh”: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, transaction /tɹænˈzækʃən/, publish /ˈpʌblɪʃ/
Palabras largas — cuida el acento: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/

Sonidos difíciles para hispanohablantes:

s + consonante al inicio — sin añadir una “e” delante: spouse /spaʊ̯s/, swallow /ˈswɑ.loʊ/
/v/ — no es /b/: los dientes tocan el labio inferior: overlook /ˈoʊ.vɚˌlʊk/, objective /ɒbˈd͡ʒɛk.tɪv/, excessive /ɪkˈsɛsɪv/, punitive /ˈpju.nɪ.tɪv/, invalidate /ɪnˈvæl.əˌdeɪt/
/z/ — sonora, no /s/: sarcasm /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/, disguise /dɪsˈɡaɪz/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, transaction /tɹænˈzækʃən/, closet /ˈklɑzɪt/

Cómo practicar con este vídeo

Escucha el vídeo entero una vez sin hablar y anota las palabras que no conoces.
Empieza a velocidad 0,75×, haz shadowing frase por frase y vuelve a la velocidad normal cuando te resulte fácil.
Grábate y compara con el original, prestando atención a palabras como toxic, anger, purple.

¿Qué es la Técnica de Shadowing?

Shadowing es una técnica de aprendizaje de idiomas respaldada por la ciencia, desarrollada originalmente para la formación de intérpretes profesionales y popularizada por el políglota Dr. Alexander Arguelles. El método es simple pero poderoso: escuchas audio en inglés nativo y lo repites en voz alta de inmediato, como una sombra que sigue al hablante con solo 1-2 segundos de retraso. A diferencia de la escucha pasiva o los ejercicios de gramática, el shadowing obliga a tu cerebro y músculos de la boca a procesar y reproducir simultáneamente patrones de habla reales. Las investigaciones muestran que mejora significativamente la precisión de la pronunciación, la entonación, el ritmo, el habla conectada, la comprensión auditiva y la fluidez al hablar, convirtiéndola en una de las metodologías más efectivas para la preparación del IELTS Speaking y la comunicación en inglés en el mundo real.

Técnica de shadowing: lee la guía completa paso a paso →

Shadowing Practice: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulario y notas de pronunciación para esta lección

Vocabulario clave de este vídeo

Phrasal verbs que vas a escuchar

Frases que vale la pena repetir

Gramática en este vídeo

Pronunciación a tener en cuenta

Cómo practicar con este vídeo

¿Qué es la Técnica de Shadowing?