跟讀練習: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship - 通過影片學習英語口語

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How to recognize a toxic relationship.

That's what I'm gonna be talking about today.

I'm gonna give you 10 red flags to recognize and four ways to detox the relationship.

I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and this channel is about mental health education and self -improvement.

I publish videos every week, so if you don't wanna miss one, click subscribe.

This information is not just for your relationship with your partner.

It could be anyone with whom you're close and who takes up space in your life, a boyfriend, sister, mother.

And since we all have faults, how can you tell when you need to accept someone's flaws or when you're overlooking a serious issue?

People do change, after all, as they mature, so it's not completely unreasonable to think

that someone can change their behavior but there are some behaviors

and attitudes that just don't change much with time at least not without professional help

and because they're a part of the person's personality

so here are a list of some behaviors

that I think you should not overlook or ignore and just think

that they'll go away with time and also these are not transient behaviors

that only pop up when someone's going through a bad patch.

These are behaviors or attitudes that persist over time regardless of the circumstances.

So number one, chronic anger.

The anger can take the form of blow -ups, irritability, moodiness, and this is not just due to depression or anxiety.

In this case, the person uses anger to control.

So you find yourself tiptoeing around their anger and you measure what you do because you don't want to make them angry.

Number two, chronic sarcasm.

This is really just a disguised form of anger.

Number three, disparaging humor.

And this is similar to sarcasm.

Sarcasm is wit with bitterness behind it.

And here the person is always putting something or someone down but in a joking way.

Number four, having a punitive mindset.

Feeling as though people deserve the bad things that happened to them or idiots deserve to lose.

Here's another example.

Suppose I blow up at you and call you a this

or that and then you get upset and then I say well sorry I hurt your feelings but you push my buttons.

You shouldn't have pushed my buttons.

That's not an apology because what I'm really saying is I'm not.

I mean yeah I don't like that you got upset sort of but you deserved my wrath for being stupid.

That's a punitive mindset.

Number five, a controlling nature.

Here's an example of this.

Suppose I tell you I don't think you look good in purple

and then I see you out somewhere and you're wearing purple

and I get angry because after all

if you really cared about me you wouldn't wear purple because I told you you don't look good in it.

So wearing that shirt means that you don't value you my opinion

and you don't really care about me at all

and your response is well of course I care about you I won't wear the shirt again I'm

so sorry now you have to think twice every morning

when you look in your closet to make sure you're not gonna put on something

that I said I didn't like and

that invalidates me that's controlling number six excessive insecurity

this is where the person needs you to reassure them constantly

they can also need you to agree with them do what they say do it their way etc

because if you don't then they don't feel good about themselves

and they'll blame you for that number seven extremely opinionated

and this is a disguised form of someone who's judgmental and usually with judgment comes criticism number eight the manipulator.

And how do they do this?

They may use guilt to make you do things by using a lot of if -then statements.

So if, like I used in the previous example, if you really cared about me then you do this.

If you hear them using a lot of if - thens, that's an indication or sign that they're trying to manipulate you.

They also don't take no for an answer and they try and get you to change your mind a lot.

A subtle way they can try

and get you to change your mind is by making the same request of you over and over and asking why.

So you've already told them no you don't want to do something

there they want you to do they keep asking you so why don't you want to do this?

So as an example let's say I tell you I'd like you to move in with me

and you don't want to you've already told me no and

then I get my place together well why won't you move in with me

and you say I think it's a great day oh, I just, I don't want to shack.

I don't believe in shacking.

Shacking, where do you get that from?

That's your parents talking, that's not you.

And I say all these things to shoot down your reasoning.

That conversation goes away.

We have the same conversation, I bring it up again.

Oh, why won't you, I got this nice place, why won't you move in with me?

Come on, move in with me.

And then after a while, it just gets to where you feel like you gotta recraft your answer over and over.

You don't have another way of saying it.

I've talked you down every time you gave your answer

so at some point you finally get to the place where you're like well

I guess I don't really have a good reason okay and then I've won.

That's manipulation.

Number nine, predominant self -centeredness.

These are people who take more than they give and

they still may give but only after they feel satisfied

that their needs have have been fully met before they give back to someone else.

And even when they do give up themselves, it's easy for them to feel like they've given too much

and then feel exploited and taken advantage of and they'll blame you for that.

So sometimes it doesn't even feel good to get something from this person

because you know there's gonna be a price to pay on the back end

when they blame you for taking advantage of them.

The number 10 and the last red negative flag here is the need to always be on the offense.

They have a world view that people will always try and stick it to you unless you get yours first.

So they always have to get over in some way.

For every transaction, they have to be on the upside.

If you grew up around someone who did these kind of things,

you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don't like their behavior.

Because even objectionable behavior can feel familiar and comfortable at some level.

What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?

Here are four suggestions on how to detox it.

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Number one, take a break from your interactions with the person.

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You need to give yourself time to reflect on what bothers you about the relationship.

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How do you feel when you're away from the person?

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How much do you miss them?

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What do you miss about the person?

105

Here you're getting some clarity on the negatives and the positives of the relationship.

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Number two, create emotional distance.

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And this is really the key to disentangling from toxic relationships.

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Think about how much closeness is necessary.

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Is this person in your life your spouse?

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If so, then you should get professional help to help improve the relationship.

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But aside from that, you still need to pull back ever so slightly.

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And this isn't to say that you should be cold to your spouse

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but suppose your wife is cynical and critical and this has beaten you down over the years.

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To protect your self -esteem you're gonna need to give her opinion less weight

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so that you don't internalize her every negative opinion of you.

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And even in the closest relationships you still have to maintain your own thoughts and ideas and independence from your spouse.

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Now you may say, I don't want to keep secrets from my husband.

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This isn't about keeping secrets.

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Even though you're married, you still have separate minds

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and it's okay to have some thoughts that are your own and and no one else's.

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Your thoughts don't have to merge into one big thought bank

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and then both of you just dip out of the bank to know what's going on.

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But what if the person with whom you have this toxic relationship is your parent?

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Then you have to come to grips and accept

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that you're just not going to have an intimate relationship with your parent

126

and this is a hard pill to swallow everyone wants at

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some base level to have a close relationship with their parent

128

but people are people people are flawed individuals

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and sometimes it's just not possible to have that emotional intimacy

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that at least at the level

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that you think you should especially based on what we see in society of kind of the perfect relationships once

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you come to that realization, you pull back as far as you need to in order to maintain whatever relationship is logistically necessary.

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You just, you interact at a minimal level so you don't let their opinions define you.

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Number three suggestion, look at your contribution.

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What are you doing to keep the drama going?

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Are you picking fights with your partner and provoking him to lose it?

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Are you treating your mom the same way she treats

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you to just to get back at her we usually stay in toxic relationships for a reason even

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if it's a twisted reason

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and once you recognize how you're perpetuating the problem look to change the behavior

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and see how it impacts the relationship a lot of times

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when you address your own issue within

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that relationship things start to break down in the relationship naturally because you're a different person and

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that dyad that kept going before isn't clicking and working anymore because you're not playing your role anymore.

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Number four get professional help.

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Serious marital and family problems usually call for some form of counseling.

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You need an objective person to see both sides of the problem and

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if it's a relationship outside of your marriage

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then you work with your own therapist to see how you can recognize your your blind spots

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and recognize your contribution to the problem your personal therapist

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or coach can understand you

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and help give you some more specific information on how to handle the toxic relationship that's it for me

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that seemed really long it might just be because of talking about all

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that negativity but there is light at the end of the tunnel

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and you don't have to stay enmeshed in a negative relationship oh

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and I almost forgot I I mean an affirmation meditation video that goes along with this video today.

157

So I'll put a link in the corner for you.

158

Check it out.

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If you know someone who could use this information, please share this video.

160

I'd like to hear your comments too.

161

I do respond to comments.

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本課的詞彙與口語要點

這節口語課以影片“How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship”為素材。這段影片共有 161 個句子、1915 個單詞可供跟讀。講話部分時長為 11:09。說話人語速自然，每分鐘約 172 個詞，接近日常對話。 87% 的單詞屬於英語最常用的 3,000 詞，詞彙容易理解。

影片中的重點詞彙

影片中 15 個值得學習的單詞，附發音和釋義：

單詞	發音	釋義
toxic 形容詞	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	有毒的
anger 名詞	/ˈæŋɡə/	發怒 /發怒, 忿怒
purple 名詞	/ˈpɝ.pl̩/	紫色
spouse 名詞	/spaʊ̯s/	配偶
sarcasm 名詞	/ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/	諷刺 /諷刺
contribution 名詞	/ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/	貢獻 /貢獻
suggestion 名詞	/səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/	建議 /建議, 提議 /提議
chronic 形容詞	/ˈkɹɑ.nɪk/	慢性
therapist 名詞	/ˈθɛɹəpɪst/	治療師 /治療師
mindset 名詞	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	心態 /心態, 思維模式 /思維模式
overlook 動詞	/ˈoʊ.vɚˌlʊk/	俯瞰, 俯視
ignore 動詞	/ɪɡˈnɔː/	無視 /無視, 忽略
anxiety 名詞	/æŋˈzaɪ.əti/	焦慮 /焦慮, 擔心
bother 動詞	/ˈbɑðɚ/	煩擾 /煩擾, 麻煩 /麻煩
reflect 動詞	/ɹɪˈflɛkt/	反映, 反射

影片中出現的短語動詞

單詞	釋義
give up 動詞	投案, 自首
go away 動詞	離開 /離開, 走
go through 動詞	通過 /通過
grow up 動詞	長大 /長大
pop up 動詞	彈出

值得反覆跟讀的句子

影片中簡短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常對話裡：

Shacking, where do you get that from?
What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?
How do you feel when you're away from the person?
How much do you miss them?
What do you miss about the person?

影片中的語法

說話人最常用的結構，並附上影片中的原話：

結構	影片中的用法
現在完成時 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去發生但與現在仍有關聯的事	you've already told · I've talked · I've won
被動語態 be + 過去分詞 — 強調發生了什麼，而不是誰做的	have been fully met · being attracted · are flawed
定語從句 who / which + 從句 — 補充說明人或事物	people who take · someone who did · someone who could

需要注意的發音

說話人用了 75 次縮略和弱讀形式，例如 don't, you're, I'm。請按聽到的簡短形式來說。

“th” 音: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, wrath /ɹæθ/
“sh” 和 “zh” 音: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, transaction /tɹænˈzækʃən/, publish /ˈpʌblɪʃ/
長單詞——注意重音位置: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/

中文母語者容易讀錯的音：

/v/ — 不要讀成 /w/，上齒輕觸下唇: overlook /ˈoʊ.vɚˌlʊk/, objective /ɒbˈd͡ʒɛk.tɪv/, excessive /ɪkˈsɛsɪv/, punitive /ˈpju.nɪ.tɪv/, invalidate /ɪnˈvæl.əˌdeɪt/
詞尾子音 — 要讀清楚，後面不要加母音: toxic /ˈtɒk.sɪk/, spouse /spaʊ̯s/, chronic /ˈkɹɑ.nɪk/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, mindset /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/
/r/ 和 /l/ 的區別: naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, regardless /ɹɪˈɡɑɹd.lɪs/, reflect /ɹɪˈflɛkt/, clarity /ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/, unreasonable /ʌnˈɹiːz.(ə)nə.bl̩/

如何用這段影片練習

先完整聽一遍影片，不要開口，記下不認識的單詞。
先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟讀，熟練之後再回到正常速度。
錄下自己的聲音並與原聲對比，特別注意 toxic, anger, purple 這類單詞。

什麼是跟讀法？

跟讀法 (Shadowing) 是一種有科學依據的語言學習技巧，最初開發用於專業口譯員的培訓，並由多語言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。這個方法簡單而強大：您在聽英語母語原聲的同時立即大聲重複——就像是一個延遲1-2秒緊跟說話者的影子。與被動聽力或語法練習不同，跟讀法強迫您的大腦和口腔肌肉同時處理並模模擬實的講話模式。研究表明它能顯著提高發音準確性，語調，節奏，連讀，聽力理解和口語流利度——使其成為雅思口語備考和真實英語交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟讀法: 閱讀完整分步指南 →

跟讀練習: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship - 通過影片學習英語口語

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