Pratique du Shadowing: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo

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How to recognize a toxic relationship.

That's what I'm gonna be talking about today.

I'm gonna give you 10 red flags to recognize and four ways to detox the relationship.

I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and this channel is about mental health education and self -improvement.

I publish videos every week, so if you don't wanna miss one, click subscribe.

This information is not just for your relationship with your partner.

It could be anyone with whom you're close and who takes up space in your life, a boyfriend, sister, mother.

And since we all have faults, how can you tell when you need to accept someone's flaws or when you're overlooking a serious issue?

People do change, after all, as they mature, so it's not completely unreasonable to think

that someone can change their behavior but there are some behaviors

and attitudes that just don't change much with time at least not without professional help

and because they're a part of the person's personality

so here are a list of some behaviors

that I think you should not overlook or ignore and just think

that they'll go away with time and also these are not transient behaviors

that only pop up when someone's going through a bad patch.

These are behaviors or attitudes that persist over time regardless of the circumstances.

So number one, chronic anger.

The anger can take the form of blow -ups, irritability, moodiness, and this is not just due to depression or anxiety.

In this case, the person uses anger to control.

So you find yourself tiptoeing around their anger and you measure what you do because you don't want to make them angry.

Number two, chronic sarcasm.

This is really just a disguised form of anger.

Number three, disparaging humor.

And this is similar to sarcasm.

Sarcasm is wit with bitterness behind it.

And here the person is always putting something or someone down but in a joking way.

Number four, having a punitive mindset.

Feeling as though people deserve the bad things that happened to them or idiots deserve to lose.

Here's another example.

Suppose I blow up at you and call you a this

or that and then you get upset and then I say well sorry I hurt your feelings but you push my buttons.

You shouldn't have pushed my buttons.

That's not an apology because what I'm really saying is I'm not.

I mean yeah I don't like that you got upset sort of but you deserved my wrath for being stupid.

That's a punitive mindset.

Number five, a controlling nature.

Here's an example of this.

Suppose I tell you I don't think you look good in purple

and then I see you out somewhere and you're wearing purple

and I get angry because after all

if you really cared about me you wouldn't wear purple because I told you you don't look good in it.

So wearing that shirt means that you don't value you my opinion

and you don't really care about me at all

and your response is well of course I care about you I won't wear the shirt again I'm

so sorry now you have to think twice every morning

when you look in your closet to make sure you're not gonna put on something

that I said I didn't like and

that invalidates me that's controlling number six excessive insecurity

this is where the person needs you to reassure them constantly

they can also need you to agree with them do what they say do it their way etc

because if you don't then they don't feel good about themselves

and they'll blame you for that number seven extremely opinionated

and this is a disguised form of someone who's judgmental and usually with judgment comes criticism number eight the manipulator.

And how do they do this?

They may use guilt to make you do things by using a lot of if -then statements.

So if, like I used in the previous example, if you really cared about me then you do this.

If you hear them using a lot of if - thens, that's an indication or sign that they're trying to manipulate you.

They also don't take no for an answer and they try and get you to change your mind a lot.

A subtle way they can try

and get you to change your mind is by making the same request of you over and over and asking why.

So you've already told them no you don't want to do something

there they want you to do they keep asking you so why don't you want to do this?

So as an example let's say I tell you I'd like you to move in with me

and you don't want to you've already told me no and

then I get my place together well why won't you move in with me

and you say I think it's a great day oh, I just, I don't want to shack.

I don't believe in shacking.

Shacking, where do you get that from?

That's your parents talking, that's not you.

And I say all these things to shoot down your reasoning.

That conversation goes away.

We have the same conversation, I bring it up again.

Oh, why won't you, I got this nice place, why won't you move in with me?

Come on, move in with me.

And then after a while, it just gets to where you feel like you gotta recraft your answer over and over.

You don't have another way of saying it.

I've talked you down every time you gave your answer

so at some point you finally get to the place where you're like well

I guess I don't really have a good reason okay and then I've won.

That's manipulation.

Number nine, predominant self -centeredness.

These are people who take more than they give and

they still may give but only after they feel satisfied

that their needs have have been fully met before they give back to someone else.

And even when they do give up themselves, it's easy for them to feel like they've given too much

and then feel exploited and taken advantage of and they'll blame you for that.

So sometimes it doesn't even feel good to get something from this person

because you know there's gonna be a price to pay on the back end

when they blame you for taking advantage of them.

The number 10 and the last red negative flag here is the need to always be on the offense.

They have a world view that people will always try and stick it to you unless you get yours first.

So they always have to get over in some way.

For every transaction, they have to be on the upside.

If you grew up around someone who did these kind of things,

you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don't like their behavior.

Because even objectionable behavior can feel familiar and comfortable at some level.

What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?

Here are four suggestions on how to detox it.

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Number one, take a break from your interactions with the person.

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You need to give yourself time to reflect on what bothers you about the relationship.

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How do you feel when you're away from the person?

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How much do you miss them?

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What do you miss about the person?

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Here you're getting some clarity on the negatives and the positives of the relationship.

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Number two, create emotional distance.

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And this is really the key to disentangling from toxic relationships.

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Think about how much closeness is necessary.

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Is this person in your life your spouse?

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If so, then you should get professional help to help improve the relationship.

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But aside from that, you still need to pull back ever so slightly.

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And this isn't to say that you should be cold to your spouse

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but suppose your wife is cynical and critical and this has beaten you down over the years.

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To protect your self -esteem you're gonna need to give her opinion less weight

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so that you don't internalize her every negative opinion of you.

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And even in the closest relationships you still have to maintain your own thoughts and ideas and independence from your spouse.

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Now you may say, I don't want to keep secrets from my husband.

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This isn't about keeping secrets.

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Even though you're married, you still have separate minds

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and it's okay to have some thoughts that are your own and and no one else's.

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Your thoughts don't have to merge into one big thought bank

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and then both of you just dip out of the bank to know what's going on.

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But what if the person with whom you have this toxic relationship is your parent?

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Then you have to come to grips and accept

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that you're just not going to have an intimate relationship with your parent

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and this is a hard pill to swallow everyone wants at

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some base level to have a close relationship with their parent

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but people are people people are flawed individuals

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and sometimes it's just not possible to have that emotional intimacy

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that at least at the level

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that you think you should especially based on what we see in society of kind of the perfect relationships once

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you come to that realization, you pull back as far as you need to in order to maintain whatever relationship is logistically necessary.

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You just, you interact at a minimal level so you don't let their opinions define you.

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Number three suggestion, look at your contribution.

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What are you doing to keep the drama going?

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Are you picking fights with your partner and provoking him to lose it?

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Are you treating your mom the same way she treats

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you to just to get back at her we usually stay in toxic relationships for a reason even

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if it's a twisted reason

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and once you recognize how you're perpetuating the problem look to change the behavior

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and see how it impacts the relationship a lot of times

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when you address your own issue within

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that relationship things start to break down in the relationship naturally because you're a different person and

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that dyad that kept going before isn't clicking and working anymore because you're not playing your role anymore.

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Number four get professional help.

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Serious marital and family problems usually call for some form of counseling.

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You need an objective person to see both sides of the problem and

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if it's a relationship outside of your marriage

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then you work with your own therapist to see how you can recognize your your blind spots

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and recognize your contribution to the problem your personal therapist

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or coach can understand you

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and help give you some more specific information on how to handle the toxic relationship that's it for me

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that seemed really long it might just be because of talking about all

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that negativity but there is light at the end of the tunnel

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and you don't have to stay enmeshed in a negative relationship oh

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and I almost forgot I I mean an affirmation meditation video that goes along with this video today.

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So I'll put a link in the corner for you.

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Check it out.

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If you know someone who could use this information, please share this video.

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I'd like to hear your comments too.

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I do respond to comments.

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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon

Cette leçon d’expression orale s’appuie sur la vidéo « How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship ». Cette vidéo contient 161 phrases et 1915 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 11:09. Le locuteur parle à un rythme naturel d’environ 172 mots par minute, proche d’une conversation courante. 87 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais, le vocabulaire est donc facile à suivre.

Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo

15 mots de la vidéo à retenir, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :

Mot	Prononciation	Sens
toxic adjectif	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	toxique
anger nom	/ˈæŋɡə/	colère, ire
purple nom	/ˈpɝ.pl̩/	violet, pourpre
spouse nom	/spaʊ̯s/	époux, épouse
sarcasm nom	/ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/	sarcasme
contribution nom	/ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/	contribution
suggestion nom	/səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/	suggestion, proposition
chronic adjectif	/ˈkɹɑ.nɪk/	chronique
therapist nom	/ˈθɛɹəpɪst/	thérapeute
mindset nom	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	état d'esprit, disposition d'esprit
disguise verbe	/dɪsˈɡaɪz/	déguiser
overlook verbe	/ˈoʊ.vɚˌlʊk/	surplomber
ignore verbe	/ɪɡˈnɔː/	ignorer, ne pas prêter attention à
naturally adverbe	/ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/	naturellement
regardless adverbe	/ɹɪˈɡɑɹd.lɪs/	malgré tout, malgré cela

Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez

Mot	Sens
get back at verbe	se venger
give up verbe	se rendre
go away verbe	partir, s'en aller
go through verbe	traverser
grow up verbe	grandir
pop up verbe	se pointer

Des phrases à répéter

Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :

Shacking, where do you get that from?
What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?
How do you feel when you're away from the person?
How much do you miss them?
What do you miss about the person?

La grammaire de cette vidéo

Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :

Structure	Dans la vidéo
Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant	you've already told · I've talked · I've won
Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait	have been fully met · being attracted · are flawed
Propositions relatives who / which + proposition — une précision sur une personne ou une chose	people who take · someone who did · someone who could

Prononciation à surveiller

Le locuteur utilise 75 contractions et formes réduites, comme don't, you're, I'm. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.

Les sons « th »: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, wrath /ɹæθ/
Les sons « sh » et « zh »: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, transaction /tɹænˈzækʃən/, publish /ˈpʌblɪʃ/
Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/

Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :

/tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, objective /ɒbˈd͡ʒɛk.tɪv/, judgment /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/, mature /məˈt͡ʃʊ(ə)ɹ/
/r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: sarcasm /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/, contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, chronic /ˈkɹɑ.nɪk/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/

Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo

Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme toxic, anger, purple.

Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?

Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.

Technique du shadowing : lire le guide complet étape par étape →

Pratique du Shadowing: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo

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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon

Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo

Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez

Des phrases à répéter

La grammaire de cette vidéo

Prononciation à surveiller

Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo

Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?