Luyện nói tiếng Anh bằng Shadowing qua video: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship

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How to recognize a toxic relationship.

Cách nhận biết một mối quan hệ độc hại.

That's what I'm gonna be talking about today.

Đó chính là điều tôi sẽ nói đến hôm nay.

I'm gonna give you 10 red flags to recognize and four ways to detox the relationship.

Tôi sẽ cho bạn biết 10 dấu hiệu nguy hiểm để nhận ra và bốn cách để giải tỏa mối quan hệ đó.

I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and this channel is about mental health education and self -improvement.

Tôi là tiến sĩ Tracy Marks, một bác sĩ tâm thần, và kênh này là về giáo dục sức khỏe tâm thần và phát triển bản thân.

I publish videos every week, so if you don't wanna miss one, click subscribe.

Tôi đăng video mỗi tuần, nên nếu bạn không muốn bỏ lỡ video nào, hãy nhấn đăng ký nhé.

This information is not just for your relationship with your partner.

It could be anyone with whom you're close and who takes up space in your life, a boyfriend, sister, mother.

And since we all have faults, how can you tell when you need to accept someone's flaws or when you're overlooking a serious issue?

People do change, after all, as they mature, so it's not completely unreasonable to think

that someone can change their behavior but there are some behaviors

and attitudes that just don't change much with time at least not without professional help

and because they're a part of the person's personality

so here are a list of some behaviors

that I think you should not overlook or ignore and just think

that they'll go away with time and also these are not transient behaviors

that only pop up when someone's going through a bad patch.

These are behaviors or attitudes that persist over time regardless of the circumstances.

So number one, chronic anger.

The anger can take the form of blow -ups, irritability, moodiness, and this is not just due to depression or anxiety.

In this case, the person uses anger to control.

So you find yourself tiptoeing around their anger and you measure what you do because you don't want to make them angry.

Number two, chronic sarcasm.

This is really just a disguised form of anger.

Number three, disparaging humor.

And this is similar to sarcasm.

Sarcasm is wit with bitterness behind it.

And here the person is always putting something or someone down but in a joking way.

Number four, having a punitive mindset.

Feeling as though people deserve the bad things that happened to them or idiots deserve to lose.

Here's another example.

Suppose I blow up at you and call you a this

or that and then you get upset and then I say well sorry I hurt your feelings but you push my buttons.

You shouldn't have pushed my buttons.

That's not an apology because what I'm really saying is I'm not.

I mean yeah I don't like that you got upset sort of but you deserved my wrath for being stupid.

That's a punitive mindset.

Number five, a controlling nature.

Here's an example of this.

Suppose I tell you I don't think you look good in purple

and then I see you out somewhere and you're wearing purple

and I get angry because after all

if you really cared about me you wouldn't wear purple because I told you you don't look good in it.

So wearing that shirt means that you don't value you my opinion

and you don't really care about me at all

and your response is well of course I care about you I won't wear the shirt again I'm

so sorry now you have to think twice every morning

when you look in your closet to make sure you're not gonna put on something

that I said I didn't like and

that invalidates me that's controlling number six excessive insecurity

this is where the person needs you to reassure them constantly

they can also need you to agree with them do what they say do it their way etc

because if you don't then they don't feel good about themselves

and they'll blame you for that number seven extremely opinionated

and this is a disguised form of someone who's judgmental and usually with judgment comes criticism number eight the manipulator.

And how do they do this?

They may use guilt to make you do things by using a lot of if -then statements.

So if, like I used in the previous example, if you really cared about me then you do this.

If you hear them using a lot of if - thens, that's an indication or sign that they're trying to manipulate you.

They also don't take no for an answer and they try and get you to change your mind a lot.

A subtle way they can try

and get you to change your mind is by making the same request of you over and over and asking why.

So you've already told them no you don't want to do something

there they want you to do they keep asking you so why don't you want to do this?

So as an example let's say I tell you I'd like you to move in with me

and you don't want to you've already told me no and

then I get my place together well why won't you move in with me

and you say I think it's a great day oh, I just, I don't want to shack.

I don't believe in shacking.

Shacking, where do you get that from?

That's your parents talking, that's not you.

And I say all these things to shoot down your reasoning.

That conversation goes away.

We have the same conversation, I bring it up again.

Oh, why won't you, I got this nice place, why won't you move in with me?

Come on, move in with me.

And then after a while, it just gets to where you feel like you gotta recraft your answer over and over.

You don't have another way of saying it.

I've talked you down every time you gave your answer

so at some point you finally get to the place where you're like well

I guess I don't really have a good reason okay and then I've won.

That's manipulation.

Number nine, predominant self -centeredness.

These are people who take more than they give and

they still may give but only after they feel satisfied

that their needs have have been fully met before they give back to someone else.

And even when they do give up themselves, it's easy for them to feel like they've given too much

and then feel exploited and taken advantage of and they'll blame you for that.

So sometimes it doesn't even feel good to get something from this person

because you know there's gonna be a price to pay on the back end

when they blame you for taking advantage of them.

The number 10 and the last red negative flag here is the need to always be on the offense.

They have a world view that people will always try and stick it to you unless you get yours first.

So they always have to get over in some way.

For every transaction, they have to be on the upside.

If you grew up around someone who did these kind of things,

you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don't like their behavior.

Because even objectionable behavior can feel familiar and comfortable at some level.

What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?

Here are four suggestions on how to detox it.

100

Number one, take a break from your interactions with the person.

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You need to give yourself time to reflect on what bothers you about the relationship.

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How do you feel when you're away from the person?

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How much do you miss them?

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What do you miss about the person?

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Here you're getting some clarity on the negatives and the positives of the relationship.

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Number two, create emotional distance.

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And this is really the key to disentangling from toxic relationships.

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Think about how much closeness is necessary.

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Is this person in your life your spouse?

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If so, then you should get professional help to help improve the relationship.

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But aside from that, you still need to pull back ever so slightly.

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And this isn't to say that you should be cold to your spouse

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but suppose your wife is cynical and critical and this has beaten you down over the years.

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To protect your self -esteem you're gonna need to give her opinion less weight

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so that you don't internalize her every negative opinion of you.

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And even in the closest relationships you still have to maintain your own thoughts and ideas and independence from your spouse.

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Now you may say, I don't want to keep secrets from my husband.

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This isn't about keeping secrets.

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Even though you're married, you still have separate minds

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and it's okay to have some thoughts that are your own and and no one else's.

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Your thoughts don't have to merge into one big thought bank

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and then both of you just dip out of the bank to know what's going on.

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But what if the person with whom you have this toxic relationship is your parent?

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Then you have to come to grips and accept

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that you're just not going to have an intimate relationship with your parent

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and this is a hard pill to swallow everyone wants at

127

some base level to have a close relationship with their parent

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but people are people people are flawed individuals

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and sometimes it's just not possible to have that emotional intimacy

130

that at least at the level

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that you think you should especially based on what we see in society of kind of the perfect relationships once

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you come to that realization, you pull back as far as you need to in order to maintain whatever relationship is logistically necessary.

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You just, you interact at a minimal level so you don't let their opinions define you.

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Number three suggestion, look at your contribution.

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What are you doing to keep the drama going?

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Are you picking fights with your partner and provoking him to lose it?

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Are you treating your mom the same way she treats

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you to just to get back at her we usually stay in toxic relationships for a reason even

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if it's a twisted reason

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and once you recognize how you're perpetuating the problem look to change the behavior

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and see how it impacts the relationship a lot of times

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when you address your own issue within

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that relationship things start to break down in the relationship naturally because you're a different person and

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that dyad that kept going before isn't clicking and working anymore because you're not playing your role anymore.

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Number four get professional help.

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Serious marital and family problems usually call for some form of counseling.

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You need an objective person to see both sides of the problem and

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if it's a relationship outside of your marriage

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then you work with your own therapist to see how you can recognize your your blind spots

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and recognize your contribution to the problem your personal therapist

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or coach can understand you

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and help give you some more specific information on how to handle the toxic relationship that's it for me

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that seemed really long it might just be because of talking about all

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that negativity but there is light at the end of the tunnel

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and you don't have to stay enmeshed in a negative relationship oh

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and I almost forgot I I mean an affirmation meditation video that goes along with this video today.

157

So I'll put a link in the corner for you.

158

Check it out.

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If you know someone who could use this information, please share this video.

160

I'd like to hear your comments too.

161

I do respond to comments.

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Từ vựng và ghi chú luyện nói cho bài học này

Bài luyện nói này dựa trên video “How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship”. Video này có 161 câu và 1915 từ để luyện shadowing. Phần lời nói dài 11:09. Người nói nói với tốc độ tự nhiên, khoảng 172 từ mỗi phút, gần với hội thoại hằng ngày. 87% số từ nằm trong 3.000 từ tiếng Anh thông dụng nhất, nên từ vựng dễ theo.

Từ vựng quan trọng trong video

15 từ đáng học trong video, kèm phiên âm và nghĩa:

Từ	Phiên âm	Nghĩa
toxic tính từ	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	độc
anger danh từ	/ˈæŋɡə/	mối giận, sự tức giận
purple danh từ	/ˈpɝ.pl̩/	tía
spouse danh từ	/spaʊ̯s/	chồng, vợ
sarcasm danh từ	/ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/	sự nói mỉa, sự mỉa mai
suggestion danh từ	/səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/	sự gợi ý
chronic tính từ	/ˈkɹɑ.nɪk/	mãn tính, mạn tính
therapist danh từ	/ˈθɛɹəpɪst/	người trị liệu, nhà trị liệu
mindset danh từ	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	tư duy, tư tưởng
overlook động từ	/ˈoʊ.vɚˌlʊk/	bỏ qua
ignore động từ	/ɪɡˈnɔː/	lơ, lờ
anxiety danh từ	/æŋˈzaɪ.əti/	sự lo lắng, lo âu
bother động từ	/ˈbɑðɚ/	quấy rầy
reflect động từ	/ɹɪˈflɛkt/	phản chiếu
objective danh từ	/ɒbˈd͡ʒɛk.tɪv/	mục tiêu, mục đích

Cụm động từ bạn sẽ nghe

Từ	Nghĩa
give up động từ	đầu hàng

Những câu đáng luyện lại

Các câu ngắn, trọn ý trong video mà bạn có thể dùng lại khi giao tiếp hằng ngày:

Shacking, where do you get that from?
What if you're already involved in a toxic relationship?
How do you feel when you're away from the person?
How much do you miss them?
What do you miss about the person?

Ngữ pháp trong video

Những cấu trúc người nói dùng nhiều nhất, kèm đúng cụm từ trong video:

Cấu trúc	Trong video
Thì hiện tại hoàn thành have/has + quá khứ phân từ — việc đã xảy ra nhưng còn liên quan đến hiện tại	you've already told · I've talked · I've won
Câu bị động be + quá khứ phân từ — nhấn vào việc xảy ra, không phải người làm	have been fully met · being attracted · are flawed
Mệnh đề quan hệ who / which + mệnh đề — thêm thông tin về người hoặc vật	people who take · someone who did · someone who could

Phát âm cần chú ý

Người nói dùng 75 dạng rút gọn, ví dụ don't, you're, I'm. Hãy nói theo dạng ngắn đúng như bạn nghe.

Âm “th”: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, wrath /ɹæθ/
Âm “sh” và “zh”: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, transaction /tɹænˈzækʃən/, publish /ˈpʌblɪʃ/
Từ dài — đặt trọng âm cho đúng: contribution /ˌkɑntɹɪˈbjuʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/

Những âm người Việt thường gặp khó:

Cụm phụ âm cuối — đọc đủ từng âm, đừng nuốt âm cuối: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, reflect /ɹɪˈflɛkt/, judgment /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/, offense /əˈfɛns/, twist /twɪst/
Âm /tʃ/, /dʒ/ và /ʒ/ — tiếng Việt không có, đừng đọc thành “ch” hay “gi”: suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, objective /ɒbˈd͡ʒɛk.tɪv/, judgment /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/, mature /məˈt͡ʃʊ(ə)ɹ/
Âm /æ/ — mở miệng rộng hơn âm “e”: anger /ˈæŋɡə/, sarcasm /ˈsɑːɹˌkæzəm/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/

Cách luyện với video này

Nghe hết video một lần, chưa cần nói, và ghi lại những từ bạn chưa biết.
Bắt đầu ở tốc độ 0,75×, nói đuổi từng câu, rồi quay lại tốc độ bình thường khi đã quen.
Ghi âm giọng mình rồi so với bản gốc, chú ý các từ như toxic, anger, purple.

Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?

Shadowing là kỹ thuật học ngôn ngữ có cơ sở khoa học, ban đầu được phát triển cho chương trình đào tạo phiên dịch viên chuyên nghiệp và được phổ biến rộng rãi bởi nhà đa ngôn ngữ học Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Nguyên lý cốt lõi đơn giản nhưng cực kỳ hiệu quả: bạn nghe tiếng Anh của người bản xứ và lặp lại to ngay lập tức — như một "cái bóng" (shadow) đuổi theo người nói với độ trễ chỉ 1–2 giây. Khác với luyện ngữ pháp hay học từ vựng bị động, Shadowing buộc não bộ và cơ miệng phải đồng thời xử lý và tái tạo ngôn ngữ thực tế. Các nghiên cứu khoa học xác nhận phương pháp này cải thiện đáng kể phát âm, ngữ điệu, nhịp điệu, nối âm, kỹ năng nghe và độ lưu loát khi nói — đặc biệt hiệu quả cho người luyện IELTS Speaking và muốn giao tiếp tiếng Anh tự nhiên như người bản ngữ.

Phương pháp shadowing: đọc hướng dẫn từng bước đầy đủ →

Luyện nói tiếng Anh bằng Shadowing qua video: How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship

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Từ vựng quan trọng trong video

Cụm động từ bạn sẽ nghe

Những câu đáng luyện lại

Ngữ pháp trong video

Phát âm cần chú ý

Cách luyện với video này

Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?