Pratique du Shadowing: The Crucial Emotional Skill Most Adults Were Never Taught - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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285 phrases
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Have you ever had one of those days where something just feels off inside of your body?
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Like you try to push through it, you try to distract yourself or work more or eat something
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or go for a run or scroll on social media
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and then tomorrow you feel exactly the same way as you did yesterday.
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It's still there.
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And you assume like maybe I need to work harder
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or I need more sleep or I need a vacation or I need something.
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But what if the real problem isn't that you don't know how to fix what's going on?
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if you've simply been trying to solve the wrong problem altogether?
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Because after coaching thousands of people over the years, I've realized something that's completely changed the way that I understand human behavior.
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Most people aren't bad at feeling their emotions.
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They're bad at identifying what emotions they're actually feeling.
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And so today I'm going to show you why that happens, what it's costing you every single day, and then how one emotional skill can completely change the way
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that understand yourself and i'm going to give you a step-by-step process you can follow
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so let's dive in
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when you say i'm stressed what have you actually said stressed
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is just a catch-all word it doesn't describe any detailed circumstance of what's going on inside of your body
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because underneath i'm stressed might be a lot of different things it might be i'm overwhelmed
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and i need to take something off of my plate
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or it might be i am resentful because i said yes to something that I should have said no to.
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Or it might be, I am scared that I'm going to fail at this and everybody's going to see me fail.
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Or it might be, you know what, I'm lonely.
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Or it might just be, I'm grieving something that I haven't let myself admit yet.
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All of those five situations are completely different problems with five different solutions.
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But a lot of times we just say, I'm stressed.
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And then the next day you feel the exact same way because you treated the wrong thing.
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You tried to fix stress when you were lonely behind it or when you were scared behind it.
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It's like going to the doctor and saying, I don't feel good.
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Is that doctor going to be able to fix that problem with that very limited amount of information that you gave him?
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Definitely not.
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Well, a lot of people don't know what they're feeling.
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They feel it, but they don't know exactly what it is
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and they don't know how to describe it and then they don't know how to solve it.
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And it's not that you cannot develop the skill.
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You can definitely develop the skill set because it's something that I've been working on for years within myself.
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It's just that right now you probably don't have the words to sort everything out yet.
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And it all just comes through to you in one big blur.
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And if you have a big blur, you can't really do anything with it.
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And so when you look at emotions, we tend to think emotions just happen to us, but that's not really the truth.
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There's a researcher named Lisa Feldman Barrett out of Northeastern
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and her work over the past couple decades has proven completely different than what we think of like, oh yeah, well just emotions happen to me.
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Her research actually shows that your brain is not receiving emotions at all.
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Your brain is constructing emotions.
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Your body is always producing raw sensation.
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It's basically raw data.
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It's not labeled in any sort of way.
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And then your brain takes that raw data and it goes, okay, what exactly is this?
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And we will be right back.
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So once again, go ahead and go right here or go to that QR code right there.
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And now back to the show.
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And it reaches for a concept or a word or a construct
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or a category based off of what it's learned in the past.
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And that's a very, very key part based off of what it has learned in the past.
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And in that moment, your brain then constructs an emotion based off of the raw data that it has.
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And it puts it in some sort of category.
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So like elevated heart rate, tight chest, butterflies in your stomach,
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your brain reaches for the word anxiety and then you can have a panic response.
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Or your brain can reach for the word excitement and you can have a great day.
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Why?
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Because there's different concepts.
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There's a thing that's called anxiety reappraisal.
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When you look at the feelings of anxiety and the feelings of excitement, the physical signature inside of the body is near identical.
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What you feel inside of your body with anxiety and what happens to your body with anxiety and excitement is near identical.
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The only thing that changes it is what you label actually what you're feeling.
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Now think about what happens
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if your brain only has a few different concepts to reach for because you weren't taught in childhood
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what exactly it is that you're feeling.
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It's going to grab whichever one that it's closest to and going, ah, it seems like it's this one, no matter what's going on inside of you.
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And so you will live your entire life completely mislabeling your internal world.
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And so Barrett caused the skill of having a lot of concepts, a lot of words to grab for emotional granularity.
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Like some people have very low emotional granularity.
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I used to have very low emotion.
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I could not, I didn't know what I was feeling.
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And I could only feel like three things.
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I feel like.
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Everything was just like good or bad or fine or stressed.
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That was it.
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But some people have very high emotional granularity.
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They can tell the difference between disappointment and discouragement and between anxiety and dread,
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between anger and between resentment and between lonely and being alone.
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Because the research on this is kind of amazing when you actually look at it.
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People with higher emotional granularity have been found to drink less when they're stressed.
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They're less likely to lash out and retaliate when someone hurts them.
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They go to the doctor less.
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They use fewer medications and overall tend to be healthier.
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Not from being tougher, but because they're able to take their feeling
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and figure out and have better words and concepts to describe what they're actually going through.
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They can then label all of them correctly.
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Like when I was younger, full transparency, when I was in my early twenties, I thought that I could not feel empathy for other people.
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And the only reason why was because I had closed myself off to feeling feelings because of my childhood.
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So I couldn't feel like just empathy.
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I couldn't feel good feelings.
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I couldn't feel bad feelings.
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I just shut myself off.
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And so over the past 15 years, I've had to go on this,
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this journey of allowing myself to feel and to be vulnerable and to understand what I'm going through, what other people are going through.
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And now if you were to ask me, I really can understand my emotions at a high level, but it's only because I've actually been working at the skillset, which wasn't really taught to me when I was younger.
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And there was a study that was done out of UCLA.
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There's a researcher named Matthew Lieberman.
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And this study is often called the Putting Feelings to Words Study.
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And they put people in an fMRI machine and studied their brains while those people were looking at faces.
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And here's what's really crazy about it, right?
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When participants simply put a label on what they were seeing, when they named the emotion that they felt like that person's face was portraying,
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activity in the amygdala, which is where your fear center in your brain is, went down.
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At the same time, activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is your decision-making, executive functioning, went up.
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So the act of naming the emotion turns the alarm in our brain down
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and turns the thinking part of our brain up.
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You're not suppressing the emotion.
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You're just accurately labeling the emotion that you're feeling and it allows your nervous system to settle.
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It allows your fear to turn off and allows you to actually start thinking more clearly.
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And so some psychologists call this effect labeling.
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You might have heard the phrase, name it to tame it, right?
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Because humans hate uncertainty because uncertainty is a threat.
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And so when you can make something like an emotion certain, that threat that you are feeling goes away.
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So if naming it turns the alarm down, what do you think happens if you never name it?
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The alarm just kind of stays on.
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And then you walk around every single day being like, I don't know, man, like I'm just, I'm just really tired.
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You're not tired.
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You're just carrying something that happened to you two weeks ago that you never fully identified and you never processed.
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So therefore your body is still carrying onto it.
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The question that I always go back to is like, well why don't we have this why didn't I know what I know now about emotions
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and it goes back to where almost everything goes back to you guys know your childhood.
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As a kid I live with a toddler they have enormous emotions right
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and you had enormous emotions and you didn't have words for them
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when you were younger and you needed an adult to help you put language to your feelings
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right and kids will feel the thing and then the adult says the word
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and your brain goes oh that's what it is it's called emotional coaching
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and this is what parents are supposed to be doing
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but to be honest with you most parents don't do this
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John Gottman has done a ton of research on this
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and says some parents are emotion coaches and then there's parents that are emotion dismissing parents
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which one did you have right like most of us most parents are emotion dismissing parents
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because not because they don't love you but
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because really crazy loud emotions in public can be a disturbance
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they can feel embarrassed they want to be quiet maybe they're having a hard day
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and so it sounds like you're fine stop crying you're okay get up
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or big boys don't cry big girls don't cry don't be
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wussy you're too emotional right did you ever hear any of
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those things as a kid listen i'm not trying to blame your parents
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and have you blame your parents for the rest of your
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life most of them they were doing exactly what was done to them
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and guess what nobody ever taught them either
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and in fact most of us were raised by either parents who went through the great depression
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or their parents went through great depression like
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when my grandma told me what she went through in the great depression
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and her entire family i realized like hey these people didn't
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have time to go figure out how they were feeling they
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were trying to figure out how they were going to be eating in the next couple hours every single day
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and so you have to understand
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when an adult names your behavior instead of your emotion like
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stop crying instead of honey you're feeling lonely you didn't learn how to associate the word with the feeling.
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Do you get that?
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You learn that the feeling itself is the problem, which is why so many people apologize for their feelings.
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And so you never built real tools for what's going on inside of you.
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So hopefully this makes sense to you because what's happening is we learn
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that our emotions are inconvenient a lot of times in childhood.
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And if our emotions are so inconvenient, then we want to kind of push them away and not really deal with them.
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And we're not going to really understand them at all.
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Now we're adults and we're going on feeling something.
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I don't know the feeling.
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It's just not good.
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Right?
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So let's talk about the steps to get better at this because it is a skill.
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And if I can do it, I promise you, you can do it.
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I promise you can.
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So it's a step-by-step process.
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Okay.
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Number one, the first thing you want to do is go to the body first, not the head.
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Do not start by asking yourself, what am I feeling?
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Because your head will lie to you.
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And it'll go based off of something that's happened in the past.
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And usually it'll go back to like, I'm feeling like she disrespected me, right?
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That's not a feeling.
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That's an accusation, right?
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But how many times have we done, I'm feeling like she disrespect me.
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No, no, no. I feel like she's talking down to me.
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That's not a feeling.
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That's an accusation.
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So instead, what you want to do is you want to close your eyes and you want to ask, where is it in my body?
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Once you try to find it in your body, you go, okay, what does it feel like?
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Is it in the chest or is it in the stomach?
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Is it tight or is it heavy or is it hot or is it buzzing or is it butterflies?
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You have to understand this.
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A skill set that we've never been taught is how to really communicate with our body and understand our body.
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Your body is always ready to talk to you.
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It's just that very few of us actually listen to our body.
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So we start with the body first because that's where the actual raw data lives, right?
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So that's number one.
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Number two is you've got to get out of what I call the big five, right?
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You're not allowed to use the word fine or stressed or tired or frustrated or annoyed.
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Those are kind of like catch-all words.
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There's a lot of other catch-all words, but those are really probably the most, five most common.
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You have to go a layer deeper than that.
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And so what I would recommend is when you're trying to like, oh, what the hell am I feeling?
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Pull your phone out, Google, give me the biggest list of feelings that you can and try to find one.
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So you'll, there's so many other feelings, right?
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Like jealous and distant and resentful and violated and bitter
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and dismissed and betrayed and humiliated and let down and lonely
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and guilty and ashamed and depressed and bored and isolated and abandoned and inferior and vulnerable, remorseful, grief, insecure, weak, rejected,
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threatened, overwhelmed, worried, inadequate, excluded, exposed, nervous, helpless.
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There's so many other things to feel.
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There's so many words.
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And you want to read through the list after you've identified where in the body it is, what exactly it is that you're feeling like, what it feels like.
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And you're going to look for a word that makes something in your chest go, oh, I think that might be it.
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And then there's like this physical click when you find the right word.
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Is it disappointment or is it discouraged?
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Is it anger or is it hurt that's like wearing anger as a bodyguard?
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Is it overwhelm or is it resentment?
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And so you want to try to get better at naming.
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This is why it becomes a skill set to take the feeling
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and to label it because once again we were never taught this as children.
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So now we're going to build up this skill set.
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It's just like learning a new language.
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Oh that's how you say apple in Spanish?
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You do it enough times you go oh that's what apple is in Spanish right?
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So that's step number two.
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Step number three is say it with a little bit of distance.
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Don't identify with it right?
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Don't say I am angry.
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Anything that follows I am is an identity statement.
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It is stating that's who you are.
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And I want you to understand that you are not angry.
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You are feeling anger.
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And so the way that you distance yourself a little bit from your feelings is say something like, I'm noticing anger, right?
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I'm angry makes it you.
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I am noticing anger makes it like a cloud passing by.
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It's just the weather moving through you, right?
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Weather always passes.
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Identity does not.
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Never use the words I am without it being empowering words that follow.
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And that tiny little grammatical change is the difference between having an emotion
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and being an emotion for the rest of your life.
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Okay, number three.
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Number four, ask what is it asking for, right?
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Like it sounds weird, but this is a huge piece and people will rarely, rarely do it.
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Every emotion is actually a request.
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It's information, it's not some sort of verdict.
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Anger is usually asking you to enforce a boundary that got crossed.
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Sadness is asking you to grieve something that you lost.
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Resentment is asking you to say no when you've been saying yes.
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And so once you've got the accurate word and label, ask yourself, what is this asking me to do?
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Because every emotion is a request.
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Stressed has no request.
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That's why you stay stuck in it because you need to go a layer deeper than just stressed.
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So you need to find out what it's asking of you.
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Okay.
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And so here's the assignment that I want to give you.
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I don't want you to listen to this podcast and do nothing with it.
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For the next seven days, three times a day, I want you to set random alarms in your phone.
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Don't rely on remembering and you're going to stop for 30 seconds
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and you're going to close your eyes whenever your alarm goes off.
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You're going to take a breath and you're going to ask, where is this in my body and what is it?
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Whether you're feeling happy, sad, neutral, try to find what you're feeling in that exact moment.
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And then what you're going to do is you're going to write down one word.
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Go to the list of words if you need to, Google it and write down one word.
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The word cannot be part of the big five.
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And then after seven days, you've written down 21 words and you're going to realize around day three or four, you're going to like catch a word that kind of surprises.
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You're going to go, oh, like I didn't realize I was actually feeling this way.
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You know, you're going to be sitting there thinking that you're stressed out about work and you're going to go, oh, that's not stress.
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That's loneliness.
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And you've been feeling it for
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eight months and you will start to build so much awareness as to what is happening inside of you.
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And so I want you to understand, you're not a person who doesn't feel things.
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You're a person who has never been handed the vocabulary of exactly what's going on inside of you.
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You've never been taught.
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And you have to understand this is something you can teach yourself with this process.
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When you can name it, you can regulate it.
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And when you can regulate it, you can think clearly.
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And when you can think clearly, you can take better action.
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And better action is the only thing that's ever going to change your life.
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And so it all starts with one word it.
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Just get the word right.
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Hey, thanks so much for watching today's video.
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If you love this video, click this one right here.
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This is the one that you need to watch next.
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And if you want to make sure you don't miss any more of these episodes, click that button right there.
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Make sure you subscribe and check out the next one.
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale de niveau B2 s’appuie sur la vidéo « The Crucial Emotional Skill Most Adults Were Never Taught ». Les mots qui reviennent le plus souvent : feeling, emotion, word. Cette vidéo contient 285 phrases et 3538 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 18:50. Le locuteur parle vite, environ 188 mots par minute : attendez-vous à des liaisons et à des sons réduits. 88 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais, le vocabulaire est donc facile à suivre.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
Les 15 mots les plus avancés de la vidéo, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| emotion nom | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | émotion |
| granularity nom | /ˌɡɹæn.jəˈlɝ.ə.ti/ | granularité |
| overwhelm verbe | /ˌoʊ.vɚˈwɛlm/ | abreuver |
| resentment nom | /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/ | ressentiment, agacement |
| dismiss verbe | /dɪsˈmɪs/ | renvoyer, limoger |
| construct verbe | /ˈkɑn.stɹʌkt/ | construire |
| excitement nom | /ɪkˈsaɪtmənt/ | excitation |
| grieve verbe | /ɡɹiːv/ | attrister, chagriner |
| inconvenient adjectif | /ˌɪn.kənˈviːni.ənt/ | incommode, inconvenant |
| resentful adjectif | /ɹɪˈzɛntfəl/ | rancunier, rancuneux |
| blur verbe | /blɝ/ | estomper, brouiller |
| accusation nom | /ˌæk.jʊˈzeɪ.ʃ(ə)n/ | accusation |
| disrespect nom | /dɪsɹɪˈspɛkt/ | irrespect, manque de respect |
| empathy nom | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | empathie |
| regulate verbe | /ˈɹɛɡ.jə.leɪt/ | régler |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| go through verbe | traverser | |
| figure out verbe | cerner | |
| write down verbe | noter, écrire | |
| build up verbe | s'accumuler, s'entasser | |
| check out verbe | mater, regarder | |
| find out verbe | découvrir, savoir | |
| get up verbe | se lever | |
| go ahead verbe | /ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/ | vas-y, allez-y |
Des phrases à répéter
Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :
- I couldn't feel good feelings.
- I couldn't feel bad feelings.
- You're not suppressing the emotion.
- Do you get that?
- I don't know the feeling.
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continu have/has been + -ing — une action commencée avant et toujours en cours | you've simply been trying · I've been working · you've been sitting |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | Have you ever had · I've realized · have you actually said |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | weren't taught · have been found · wasn't really taught |
| Propositions relatives who / which + proposition — une précision sur une personne ou une chose | people who are · amygdala, which is · cortex, which is |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 121 contractions et formes réduites, comme you're, don't, I'm. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « th »: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, altogether /ɔl.tuˈɡɛð.ɚ/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, accusation /ˌæk.jʊˈzeɪ.ʃ(ə)n/, sensation /sɛnˈseɪʃən/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/, medication /mɛdɪˈkeɪʃən/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: granularity /ˌɡɹæn.jəˈlɝ.ə.ti/, inconvenient /ˌɪn.kənˈviːni.ənt/, accusation /ˌæk.jʊˈzeɪ.ʃ(ə)n/, disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, uncertainty /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /h/ — il se souffle, il n’est pas muet: humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/, helpless /ˈhɛlplɪs/
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: researcher /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/, discourage /dɪsˈkɝɪd͡ʒ/, whichever /wɪt͡ʃˈɛvɚ/, psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: granularity /ˌɡɹæn.jəˈlɝ.ə.ti/, resentment /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/, construct /ˈkɑn.stɹʌkt/, grieve /ɡɹiːv/, resentful /ɹɪˈzɛntfəl/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme emotion, granularity, overwhelm.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.