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The biggest research studies in the world have shown we can change three things more significantly than most people believe.
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Many people, they base their belief on what's possible to change in their life based on their family's story, as if their family's story was the future.
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Your change should be strategic.
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We're trying to shift you into the character of who you are and who you are meant to be.
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That takes openness to learning new ways of living and being.
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And When you know you can purposely change, life is yours.
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You're not scared of context anymore.
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I'd like to share with you what we know that you can shift that might surprise some of you, especially for some of you who had families who didn't change.
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Because many people, they base their belief on what's possible to change in their life based on their family's story,
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as if their family's story was the future. But that's not true.
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That's not true at all.
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The biggest research studies in the world have shown we can change three things more significantly than most people believe.
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Number one, this one shocks people all the time.
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Personality.
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We have this belief that we have these fixed personalities in life,
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and that our enduring thoughts,
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feelings, and behaviors tend to stay in a norm for who we are throughout much of our adult lives, right?
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Throughout much of our adult lives.
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And we're all taught to believe that, especially those of us who studied basic psychology.
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It's like, oh, people have enduring personality traits.
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A trait is your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and reactions, normative over a period of time.
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That's what personality is.
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Think about it.
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It's kind of how you think,
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feel, and act over a period of time that's regulated and can be measured against current circumstances or common psychological measures.
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That might sound like a lot of garbly gook, but stick with me so far.
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Even this last month, the European Journal of Psychology found that there's significant changes in our personality,
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not just by choice, but just based on common events across population.
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This means people tend to change their personality, we're going to come back to that.
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People change their personality based on very simple things.
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Personality shifts significantly at graduation.
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Shifts significantly at first job.
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Shifts significantly at marriage.
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And some of you have watched at divorce too.
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So these are significant correlations in change and personality in people's lives, whether they want it or not.
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It just happens.
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When kids graduate college, they shift.
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When they graduate high school, they shift.
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When you get your first job, you shift.
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When you enter a new peer group, you shift.
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That first key relationship in your life, it shifts you.
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and we don't think that's true.
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It's like these are major shifts, like very high correlative studies.
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So, what does personality mean, and how do they do this?
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You all familiar with the ocean framework?
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Raise your hand if you know what I'm talking about.
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Oh, very few.
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Okay.
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Personality, stick with me.
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Let me give you a framework, and I'll come back.
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When they say personality, psychology, psychologists.
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They're often talking about, you heard the big five?
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You ever heard the big five psychological traits?
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The big five means this.
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First, they measure openness.
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This room, I don't need to preach on openness to you.
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You're here because you have a high trait of openness.
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You are curious.
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You're open to new ideas.
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You like to experiment and learn, Like a high level of openness to new life experience and new learning in your life.
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You all get that.
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But who knows somebody who ain't like that?
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Yeah.
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Well, guess what?
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This thing, when people, imagine this.
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When you get married, openness tends to go down.
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Yeah, because you're like, oh, I'm good.
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She's my person.
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I don't have to keep learning and develop, I already won the lottery with her.
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She likes me.
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And then you get divorced and you see this person, they're out doing wild new things.
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Who's seen this?
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They get divorced and all of a sudden they're a different human being.
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Their openness explodes.
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So go ahead and tell me personality change isn't possible.
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It happens all the time.
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It's just the cynics in the room who tried to change their life
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and failed at it now believe that people can't change.
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If you ever hear people can't change, you are hearing a cynic.
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You're hearing somebody who failed and has never worked with people.
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Because in my life, I get to see amazing human beings change.
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Who saw someone in this room change, ultra members?
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It's like, come on.
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those of who actually work with people not study papers work with humans we get to see the hope
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and the inspiration and the significant openness and
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that happens for people in good times
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and bad times sometimes people's openness increases after tragedy true tragedy they open to more faith they open to new beliefs.
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They open to new networks of people in their grief.
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Openness is a very high correlation to lots of levels of what we'll call positive outcomes later.
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But openness just happens for some people.
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Just naturally happens.
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People wouldn't go to school.
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You thought you knew your kid, then they went to college and started trying all these new drugs.
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You didn't know, oh, personality radically changes in new peer groups.
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Oh, you thought they had to fix personality.
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Personality shifts more than most people think, and often not by strategy, just by accident.
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our job in growth day is to make it strategic your
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change should be strategic we're trying to shift you into the character of who you are
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and who you are meant to be
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that takes openness to learning new ways of living and being
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and thinking and i get excited about that kind of thing
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that you can purposely change turn the person left right shake them good say you can purposely change
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I don't think y 'all got excited enough about that.
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You can purposefully change.
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Try it one more time.
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Try it again.
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Try it again.
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Grab them.
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Shake them.
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You can purposefully change.
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Try it again.
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Yeah.
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Everyone say it with me.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Hey, in the back, say yeah.
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you can purposely, you can what?
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When you know you can purposely change, life is yours.
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You're not scared of context anymore because you go, all right, this has changed.
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I'm open to that being a reality.
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Let me learn here again.
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Let me experiment.
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Let me try.
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Let me shift.
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Openness is a trait and that you can shift it is incredible.
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The entire growth mindset rests on the trait of openness.
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Because if I'm closed, I have a fixed mindset.
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So you're enduring thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
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It's got to shift.
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It's got to shift into being open again.
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And our world got so cynical and so shut down.
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I mean, people are snarky little brats on the internet now.
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You all agree?
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I'm like, don't you have anything to do? but be a snarky brat?
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Because see, when people don't feel power, their way of feeling power is insulting others.
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When you don't feel power, the way you get it is to insult somebody.
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Tear down versus build up.
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It's like Booker T.
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Washington taught us all.
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There's two ways to exert power.
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One is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
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And when you become open to the idea that you can pull people up and you can pull yourself up purposefully, that's the essence of personal development.
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That's why I love this work so much.
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So they found, wow, people make significant changes in their personality, graduation, first job, marriage, divorce,
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peer groups, etc. Other areas that they change, and this is big.
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Gosh, I hope I spelled this right.
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Conscientiousness, that is such a big word for a Montanan. Does it look right?
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Conscientiousness, con -science -shus -ness, okay.
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It's shusness, I, I think you're all fooling with me.
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Is that an O?
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The word is conscientiousness.
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And you'll know it when you see it.
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Okay.
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This is huge.
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People's conscientiousness goes up in their lives, often when they get promoted to another level in a job.
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Because now, for those who don't know conscientiousness, it means discipline.
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It means attention to detail and follow through.
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It means dutiful action.
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It means I pay attention, I do the thing, I follow through on the thing. For example, folks who come out of surgery
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and are more conscientious about taking the pills the doctor gave them live on average four times longer
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if they have a conscientious trait.
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If they don't have a conscientious trait, they don't take the pills, they tend to die.
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True.
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Your ability to teach yourself to pay attention to detail, do the thing consistently with discipline,
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follow through on it, and to organize, that is conscientiousness.
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So for those who don't organize, don't have discipline, and don't have follow through, the good news at growth days, you're going to die early.
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Hey, where are those choir guys?
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the number one trait
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if you're interested in personality research the number one trait related
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to longevity for all the longevity dorks in the world now
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conscientiousness is the number one positive personality trait related to longevity
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to your actual life span it's key your health degrades
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when you don't pay attention to it paying attention to important things is conscientiousness.
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Paying attention to important things, doing the thing, having discipline and organization, and following through.
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This was a trait I did not have.
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But see, traits aren't things that are unchangeable.
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When I recognized, I was like, wow, if I don't get organized in my life,
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I'm going to be trapped by the winds of randomness at all times.
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If I don't get organized in my life, I'm not going to genuinely be able to impact people.
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If I don't get organized in my life, I'm not going to be able to write a chapter in a book because I can't even organize my thoughts. And this was me.
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I was not a high conscientious person at all.
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I was a hot mess, fly by the seat of my pants, have fun kind of guy for a long time in my life until my car accident.
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And the car accident made me want to live the day.
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And you don't live the day unless you organize it.
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You're never really going to feel the day unless you organize some times to rest or to do things you enjoy, to build in time for life,
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your hobbies, your passions, your joys.
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That's the stuff.
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That's the stuff.
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And so I had to learn to become conscientious, including in business.
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The more people you hire, the more organized you're going to start thinking.
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And people go, no, no, just hire that person.
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I'm like, oh, yeah, hire that person, your integrator, your organizer.
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But you still have to manage them.
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So you've got to teach yourself these.
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I share this again because you can change these.
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And these have extreme positive outcomes comes.
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The number one most tied to wealth is this one and this one.
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We're going to come to the two.
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Is this too geeky or you guys like this stuff?
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Okay.
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The next trait they measure is called extroversion.
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To be extroverted means you enjoy both adventure seeking and social seeking.
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You like new experiences to be out and about.
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to do things in the world that are new, but also have a high favorability to social.
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You like people.
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You want to be around people.
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You're willing to come here.
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I know we got thousands watching on the internet right now, but the people in this room, the energy in this room.
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Now I know only half the audience clapped because the other audience is like, I'm not an extrovert.
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I'm an introvert.
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I'm just high on openness and learning.
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That's why I'm here.
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No, no, the fact that you left your house says that's a part of you that is extroverted.
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And this is a common mistake in life.
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We believe that people are either introverted or extroverted.
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The thing about personality traits, they're on scales.
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Think about like a spectrum, right?
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As an example, everyone thinks, because what I do all day, every week, so many weeks of my life, I'm out here with you guys.
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Everyone thinks I must be peak alpha extroverted.
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I'm right down the line.
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I take the test every year.
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I'm right down the line in four different extroverted psychological profiles.
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I'm right down the line between introverted and extroverted.
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Because I might do this, but then I need my recovery time.
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I might do this, but then I've written seven, eight books.
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I need that time alone, right?
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And I'm one of those people, like if I don't get the time alone,
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I turn a little like.. whatever word that face is.
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You're like, you know, anyone else like that?
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You're just kind of like, you love your spouse, you like her, you even want to have sex with her, but sometimes you're like.. your hands are shaking a little bit.
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You're just like, I need time in dark, away from humans.
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You ever have that?
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Okay.
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I'm sensing from the laughter in the room.
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Some people know what I'm talking about.
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The ability to be social as a skill and to be conscientious.
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These two things are very much tied to your income.
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very much tied to your income to want to be with people serve people
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and to be organized disciplined deliberate attentive to detail these two are phenomenal
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and both of them are important this one was not authentic
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for me for a long time i was way more introverted
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especially in my 20s way more introverted than people thought i could fake it who can fake it Like, you could go out, you can clap,
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but sometimes you're like, ah,
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you're making it happen versus bringing the joy,
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versus connecting to the peace and the fulfillment with seeing other people's souls and delighting in people.
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I had to learn to delight in people.
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And most people never learned to delight in people because they were taught not to trust people.
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Often, your trait of extroversion and introversion was based on trust experiences.
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Your dad stole your trust.
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Your uncle stole your trust.
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Somebody in school stole your trust.
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You trusted people less, and it created a preference, not a hard -coded trait, not even a heritable trait,
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a preference of not engaging the world.
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It wasn't a psychological purposeful choice, it was self -safety.
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And I think that where I grew up, there was a lot of violence, and so I had to learn to trust people before I could actually serve them.
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Who knows what I mean?
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I had to like, oh, people are cool.
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I like people.
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People are, for the most part, you know that they're trustworthy, honorable, caring, trying their best.
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Otherwise, we would have blown up ourselves a long time ago, you know?
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And if we hadn't done it, AI is going to do it for us.
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So you might as well start to take delight in people
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because you're going to start interacting with a lot more machines in your lifetime.
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It's kind of nice to meet real humans who have heart
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and soul and when you start seeing people as humans with heart and soul, you shift into being curious about them.
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And it turns out being curious with people, openness, the more we can increase this, the more this naturally increases.
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Okay, I'm being a little dorky on this.
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I'll go a little faster. Is this all right?
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You're doing it cool?
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I just think it's so cool that people, they measure this all the time.
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You can see such radical shifts in these things.
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And here's the thing.
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I will tell you this.
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You will never think a change in someone's life is radical.
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as much as they will?
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You know what I mean?
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You're like, someone starts drinking a morning shake, and you're like, whatever, but she's Instagramming it every day for a year.
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Right?
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Our changes are significant to us.
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To hell with what other people think of them.
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Like, your change is significant to you.
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You don't have to impress nobody with your change.
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You feel it when you make it, when you eat healthier, it feels like lifetimes different.
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And so your changes matter.
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Your changes and your shifts, and sometimes we don't really see that.
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You know, sometimes we don't really see that.
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And that's why this one, I think, is a good point.
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Agreeableness.
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agreeableness.
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This is another part of the big five.
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People start laughing as soon as I say agreeable because we think, I'm not agreeable with people.
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Agreeable tends to mean that you aren't just like agreeable
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when someone says something to you like you're a yes man or yes woman.
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That's not what it means.
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Agreeable means you take care in relationships.
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to hear and be heard.
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Agreeableness doesn't mean you agree with their position.
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It means you get along with people because you honor that they have a position.
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Like, I don't feel, even if you're different than me, I don't feel in conflict with you because you don't bring an edge to my beliefs, right?
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So it's not, see, most people think agreeableness is about compliance.
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She agreed with me, so she's good.
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That's not what they're measuring.
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They're measuring, do you get along with people because you have communication understanding and skill?
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That means, I like to hang out with her.
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Like, she's agreeable to this relationship.
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She's agreeable to how we want to live.
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It doesn't mean she's permissive or she condones or she's compliant.
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People mistake this one all the time.
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It doesn't mean he does everything you say, so he's agreeable.
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It means they're open to allowance in the relationship of differences.
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They deal with conflict better.
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People who are agreeable deal with conflict better even if they don't always get the same number of positive outcomes,
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meaning they value the process of communication and relationship.
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You ever been in a fight with somebody and they don't follow any process in a fight?
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They won't let you have your turn.
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You ever heard of somebody?
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They will not let you have your turn.
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Who's ever been with that type of person?
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That person would have a low level of agreeableness in psychology.
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So you can tell them that next time you talk to them, you're like, Brendan told me you have low agreeableness.
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they're bad.
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People who have low agreeableness, they don't take turns.
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They don't listen.
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They don't take care to hear the other side.
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Agreeableness, of course, is huge in negotiation.
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It's huge in business deals.
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The greatest negotiators in the world are very agreeable people.
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When you study negotiation books and sales books, you're like, oh, they're trying to get agreement throughout the sales process.
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They're not trying to create enemies or create false tribes or us versus them.
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They're trying to create a sense of belonging.
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And that's a huge character trait, but also a leadership trait, creating that sense of belonging purpose together.
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What's the word?
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What's the word?
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Together.
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Together.
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They create a sense of togetherness in relationships.
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Why does it matter?
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Because higher levels of agreeableness in marriages predict divorce.
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The more agreeableness as traits that people have, the more they tend to stay married.
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And so these have huge life outcomes.
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Okay.
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Last one, and I'll explain it too, is called neuroticism.
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Everyone's favorite.
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Who thinks you have a neurotic spouse?
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She just looked at the person next to her, like...
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She wanted to raise her hand, but she realized he was right there.
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I saw that.
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Y 'all don't think I see this stuff from up here.
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It is pretty dark out there, I have to admit, but sometimes I see those emotions and it makes me laugh.
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I'm sorry.
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Neuroticism, here's a better phrase for those, especially my international fans right here.
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Neuroticism, think about it as emotional stability.
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Emotional stability.
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Neuroticism is not bad, just like disagreeableness is not bad, just like not being conscientious is not bad.
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Remember, everything's on a spectrum or a scale, right?
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Everybody here has a level of neuroticism about something.
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Neuroticism is more about emotional control,
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emotional self -regulation, a stability in how you handle things, a centeredness.
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Why do I share that?
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Everything you've learned about in mindfulness or resilience training is trying to improve this score.
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Like, we want you to have low levels of neuroticism, which means not too much emotional instability.
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Right?
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We want you to be emotionally stable, in charge of your own thoughts, feelings, emotions.
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You own your emotions.
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That's what this is measured.
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Own and take responsibility for their emotions.
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When they do, that's good.
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When they don't, that's high neuroticism.
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When they're just like, they won't take control of their emotions.
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They won't be responsible for their actions.
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They're very unstable all the time.
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It's like dealing like the peak of that top would be like schizophrenia, even though that's a very different thing than what we're talking about today.
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It's like this person's just all over the place all the time.
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Highly emotional reaction.
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Why did the last couple of years, last four years, why did stoicism become so huge worldwide, like a resurgence in stoicism?
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Because everybody was watching all these cynical little brats on the internet and said,
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hey, we need to learn to control our emotions a little bit better in times of change.
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The way that you control yourself is a character trait.
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And we need to understand that.
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And so even in schools, rolling out more emotional regulation has been life -changing.
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You can see students who get training on mindfulness, who get training on self -regulation, how to control their own emotions and thoughts.
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They have completely different outcomes in school, in sports, and in their first job's earnings.
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than those who's never had any training.
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Like, that means you can shift this significantly.
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And for those who feel like you are like, I always feel so crazy.
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I'm like, this is why you do personal development work.
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You train your mind.
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Who's here to train your mind?
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That's what we're here to do.

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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione

Questa lezione di conversazione di livello B2 si basa sul video “The Art of Emotional Control”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: trait, shift, personality, openness. Questo video contiene 389 frasi e 3785 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 27:47. Chi parla mantiene un ritmo costante di circa 136 parole al minuto, comodo per lo shadowing. Il 86% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.

Vocaboli chiave di questo video

Le 15 parole più avanzate del video, con pronuncia e significato:

ParolaPronunciaSignificato
trait sostantivo/tɹeɪt/caratteristica, tratto
openness sostantivoapertura
agreeable aggettivo/əˈɡɹiəbəl/gradevole
organize verbo/ˈɔɹɡənaɪz/organizzare
conscientiousness sostantivocoscienziosità
conscientious aggettivo/ˌkɑn.ʃiˈɛn.ʃəs/coscienzioso
extroverted aggettivo/ˈɛkstɹəˌvəɹtɪd/estroverso
emotion sostantivo/ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/emozione
introverted aggettivo/ˈɪn.tɹəˌvɜːɹ.təd/introverso
purposely avverbio/ˈpɝpəsli/apposta, di proposito
delight sostantivo/dəˈlaɪt/delizia, piacere
longevity sostantivo/lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/longevità
endure verbo/ɪnˈd͡ʒʊə(ɹ)/durare, restare
peer sostantivo/pɪɹ/pari, uguale
cynic aggettivo/ˈsɪnɪk/cinico

I phrasal verb che sentirai

ParolaPronunciaSignificato
blow up verbosaltare in aria, esplodere
build up verboaccumulare
come back verbotornare
go ahead verbo/ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/procedere, andare avanti
go out verbouscire, andare fuori
grow up verbocrescere
shut down verbospegnere
turn out verborisultare

Frasi da ripetere

Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:

  • You all familiar with the ocean framework?
  • They're often talking about, you heard the big five?
  • I'm like, don't you have anything to do?
  • You're like, you know, anyone else like that?
  • Who's here to train your mind?

La grammatica di questo video

Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:

StrutturaNel video
Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo faare meant · can be measured · be trapped
Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adessohave shown · have watched · has never worked
Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosasomebody who ain · somebody who failed · those who don

Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione

Chi parla usa 131 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come don't, you're, I'm. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.

  • I suoni “th”: trustworthy /ˈtɹʌst.wɜː.ði/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/
  • I suoni “sh” e “zh”: conscientious /ˌkɑn.ʃiˈɛn.ʃəs/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, correlation /ˌkɔɹ.əˈleɪ.ʃən/, graduation /ˌɡɹæd͡ʒuˈeɪʃən/
  • Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: conscientious /ˌkɑn.ʃiˈɛn.ʃəs/, extroverted /ˈɛkstɹəˌvəɹtɪd/, introverted /ˈɪn.tɹəˌvɜːɹ.təd/, purposefully /ˈpɝ.pəs.fə.li/, longevity /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/

I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:

  • /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: heritable /ˈhɛɹɪtəbəl/, hobby /ˈhɑ.bi/
  • Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: trait /tɹeɪt/, organize /ˈɔɹɡənaɪz/, conscientious /ˌkɑn.ʃiˈɛn.ʃəs/, extroverted /ˈɛkstɹəˌvəɹtɪd/, introverted /ˈɪn.tɹəˌvɜːɹ.təd/
  • /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: clap /klæp/, graduation /ˌɡɹæd͡ʒuˈeɪʃən/, tragedy /ˈtɹæd͡ʒ.ɪ.di/, randomness /ˈɹæn.dəm.nəs/, radically /ˈɹædɪkli/

Come esercitarsi con questo video

  1. Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
  2. Fai shadowing frase per frase a velocità normale, ripetendo ognuna finché il tuo ritmo coincide con quello di chi parla.
  3. Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come trait, openness, agreeable.

Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?

Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.

Tecnica dello shadowing: leggi la guida completa passo dopo passo →