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Why do people fear feedback?
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They're fearful feedback because what does that say about me, my self -worth, my capability?
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If you're a person who is not at the levels of action that you know you could be, if you're always procrastinating, overwhelmed, or telling the world what's because it's not perfect,
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the reality is you're scared of feedback.
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You're scared of what's going to say about you and you're scared about whether people like you.
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If you are struggling with procrastination, if you're struggling with slow self -esteem, if you're struggling with overwhelm,
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if you're struggling all the time with this concept of perfectionism, I want you to think about this.
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We're going to give you a new phrase and we're going to give this simple phrase.
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We're going to call it ship.
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This means we're going to go into momentum.
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We're going to go into progress mode.
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We're going to ship the things.
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Ship means complete it.
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Like ship the project, get it done.
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Put it out there.
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Put it out to sea.
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Like the boat can't stay in harbor forever.
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Ship it.
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Get it out there.
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So much of life can be changed if we just complete the thing, put it out there, and learn.
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What happened with the perfectionist mindset is we fool ourselves.
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Until it's 100%, Brendan, I'm not releasing it.
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Until I have 100 % information, I'm not doing the thing.
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I'm not taking the action.
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I love to remind people of this Jeff Bezos quote, where when he was at Amazon,
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he shared that one of the things that made Amazon so incredible at the time, and its huge growth curve, was as an executive team, they would often only have maybe 60,
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maybe 70 % of the information to make a decision.
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And they made the decision anyway.
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They didn't wait for 100 % complete.
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They had just enough.
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could you do something that's really hard right now for all my perfectionists in the room
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it's gonna hurt I just want you to write with this it's gonna be very hard just enough
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just enough I have just enough information to move
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another phrase that you're gonna hate get ready it's good enough not perfect I'm gonna ship it It's good enough, it's never gonna be perfect.
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It's good enough, I'm gonna ship it and I'm gonna learn.
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This is all under the guise of a learning mindset.
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This is all under the instruction of turning from a perfectionist,
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turning from perfection into iteration will change your life forever.
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It's the most important thing I could ever give you.
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Adopting the learning mindset.
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I'm going to ship, then I'm going to learn.
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Then I'm going to perfect.
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Remember, perfectionism doesn't mean it's perfect.
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The root phrase of perfect is to complete
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or to perfect as a verb to perfect right to perfect
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means oh well i need to do the thing right i need to do the thing
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or complete the thing and then perfect it in motion perfect it as it gets better
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if you will do this the most radical thing happens you start earlier if you start earlier you get more intel.
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The more you get intel and feedback, the more you can perfect and tweak and get it better.
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The only chance of you ever getting something too perfect, if that exists, is to ship it now and perfect it in motion.
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Perfection actually takes iteration.
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To get something close to great, you have to have like 12 versions of it.
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It's not the first light bulb, it's the thousandth light bulb.
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That make sense?
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You have to ship and iterate and try and explode the light bulbs a little bit to find the answer.
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That's so important.
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Your light bulb moment today is to take action sooner.
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Get in action and become what?
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Flexible become adaptive.
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This is what we're trying to do.
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We're trying to get you into an adaptive and flexible mode of operation.
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If we can't get you adaptive, flexible, momentum in the right direction, then you're just going to stay stuck.
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That's it.
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You'll just be stuck.
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I know this is obvious, but this is not people's behavior.
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You will say, of course, Brendan, I know that, but is it behavior?
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That's what we have to talk about.
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This is not like, do I know these concepts, Brendan?
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The question is, what's the behavior?
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Let me show you a very simple way to get into ship and learn.
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If I think of anything in my life, it's always ship and learn.
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It's like, do the thing.
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Do the thing sooner, learn sooner.
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And that's so important.
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So here's your new framework, early action.
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I take this for granted when I teach it.
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I know you already do too, but the truth is the smartest people in the world in Silicon Valley, they have this phrase, it's like, just ship the MVP.
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Just like, what's the minimal viable product?
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Why do you have to teach engineers, some of the smartest people in the world, why do you think you have to teach an engineer about MVPs?
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Why do you think you have to teach an entrepreneur or a founder about the value of a minimal viable product?
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Why?
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Because smart people will rationalize themselves into delay.
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Smart people will rationalize themselves into delay.
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Did you know high IQ people tend to come up with more reasons not to do something?
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And so they just don't.
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It's like, you might know really smart people.
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You're like, why doesn't she do anything?
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She's so smart because she's so smart.
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Because when you're so smart, you can rationalize all of the catastrophes oncoming.
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You can anticipate everything going wrong.
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And if there's so many things going wrong, or you can anticipate all the other opportunities that would be missed, FOMO, oh wait, all these things can go wrong.
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I can think through them.
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All the things will be missed, FOMO. And now you're stuck.
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You follow?
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When FOMO meets tons of possible problems, you just don't move.
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Even though you're rational about it, the problem is you're not progressing.
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I know a lot of smart people who are stuck because they can see all the FOMO angles, all the competing interests or opportunities,
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and they can see all the problems, all the potential catastrophes.
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They're actually probably right about many of them, but they're wrong about most of them because it's distorted, rigid thinking.
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What we need to do is go, it's good enough.
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Good enough ships or moves into a huge,
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important area, which is now we're going to get feedback.
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If you want to change your life, I mean, literally forever, you're going to be a person who starts really caring about getting feedback.
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Your fear here is compliance.
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Well, if I get feedback, if they don't like it, what does that mean about me?
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No, you don't want feedback because you want adequacy or acceptance?
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I want you to think about it.
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Why do people fear feedback?
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They're fearful feedback because what does that say about me,
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my self -worth, my deservedness, my capability, right?
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And will they like me?
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Will I be accepted?
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Will I fit in?
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Will I belong?
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Will I be promoted?
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Will I have status?
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So most people have been taught to frame feedback on adequacy and acceptance.
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Am I good?
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Do they like it?
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Am I good?
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Do they like it?
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And that is why I'm just letting you know, you probably don't ship.
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If you're a person who is not at the levels of action that you know you could be, if not making progress at the levels you know you can be,
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if you feel stuck, if you're always procrastinating, overwhelmed, or telling the world what's because it's not perfect, the reality is you're scared of feedback.
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You're scared of what it's going to say about you, and you're scared about whether people like you.
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I wish we could teach all teenagers this.
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There's a direct correlation.
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I want you to listen closely.
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If you're not shipping, you're not finishing the book and putting it out there.
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You're not launching the project, putting it out there.
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You're not making the proposal to the boss, putting it out there.
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It's happening because you don't have the learning mindset.
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You're not taking early action.
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Why?
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You're scared about the feedback, about what it says about you or acceptance.
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But we're going to change your psychology for the rest of your life today.
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Putting something out there has nothing to do with my identity.
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and putting out something out there has nothing to do with do they like me
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i put something out there for one cause what's the next
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right action of integrity what did i learn from shipping it that's it what i learned so
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if i write a chapter i'm unsure i don't like it
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instead of beating up myself i'm a bad writer i'm right
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i'm like i take the chapter it's kind of crappy i
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send it to three friends i go hey just tell me
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how to progress from here how do you think give me some feedback.
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I don't fear the feedback about me as a writer.
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I don't feel the feedback or the concern about the book not succeeding.
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I'm literally putting something out there to get the intel to make it better.
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Once you've adopted this in your life, everything will change.
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Like everything will change.
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There's no fear anymore.
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Perfectionism, when it's super distorted, is that I'm not going to meet the standard they all have, or I'm not going to meet my own standard.
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It's an inadequacy thing.
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That's where that's coming from.
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The perfectionism is these two things.
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Distortion.
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I'm worried about my adequacy.
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And I'm worried about fitting in.
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But see, that's personal, isn't it?
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Adequacy.
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Am I adequate?
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That's personal.
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Will they accept me?
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That's personal.
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Stop.
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Don't go into personal.
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go into progress make sense is it personal or is about progress
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if you start making life about progress okay what's the better
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direction here what's the improvement now everything changes watch what happens if now instead of personal
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and again this is am i adequate and do i fit in and we just move into no
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how do I make the next right step now?
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So now I'm looking for progress.
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What does that mean?
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I'm looking for direction.
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I'm looking for momentum.
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I'm looking for improvement.
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So I'm going to put something out earlier than I usually do because I'm not worried that it meets this crazy, perfect, complete standard.
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Instead, I actually want to elevate it to that standard.
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I know the first thing I'm releasing is not up there, but I got to put the floor in before I can build the ceiling.
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You ever heard that?
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I got to put the floor.
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I got to build the foundation before the ceiling.
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Put the foundation is, get the intel, and build up to a high standard.
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See, excellence doesn't wait to get in motion.
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Excellence wants early action.
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The earlier the action i put out there the more direction i can get from people who give me feedback
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the more momentum now i know what to do oh that's the direction i know what to do go
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more momentum and now improvement how do i keep iterating
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and step up step up to the standard your job is
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to step up to the standard oh release the mvp get feedback find the direction from the feedback.
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Iterate.
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Improve.
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Now, step up.
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That's improve.
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Step it up.
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So when I go out to speak, I know my first speeches, I knew they were going to be terrible.
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So I put myself in front of speeches.
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I'm like, wow, I'm going to suck at this.
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I'm not a good speaker.
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All the I am stuff, right?
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I'm not a good speaker.
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I'm not charismatic.
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I'm not a good communicator.
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And I was like, instead of being low self -esteem about it, I was like, well, I just had, I don't the skills for those that's why i don't get
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to experience them i don't have the skill how do i
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get the skill early action feedback improvement hey my friend sun is going down behind me
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and i just want to thank you for watching my youtube channel you know
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so many of my subscribers are always asking me brendan how do i go to another level of my life
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and stay consistent in my personal development
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and really get progress you know we all want to be more motivated more productive more confident.
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We want to be better leaders.
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We want to be better at our craft.
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But how do you do that on a consistent basis?
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Well, that's why I built Growth Day.
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It's an app that you can use that builds your personal growth streak.
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That every day you come in and you do a series of actions
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and you listen to some inspirational training and life strategies that advances your life.
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It's very hard to stay consistent in your life.
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I know sometimes you watch a YouTube video, You read a book here, you listen to a podcast there, but you're not developing your habits.
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You're not scoring yourself.
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You're not finding real progress and insight that kind of wows you and opens up to, I say, the awe and the real agency that you have in life.
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So please go to Growth Day in the App Store.
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Just go to the App Store, go to Growth Day or go to growthday .com and get Growth Day.
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I promise you with your seven day free trial, you'll go through a growth day and in seven days you're gonna be like totally, totally like feeling fired up,
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but also you'll find a new momentum.
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Cause every day as you do your growth streak, you start to really discover what you're made of.
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And we access different parts of your brain.
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You're listing something inspirational.
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You're doing a checklist or doing a journal prompt that blows your mind.
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You're scoring your habits and reflecting on your day in ways you've never done before.
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We're basically taking all of personal development and putting it into a streak that you'll get like totally addicted to.
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You'll be addicted to that progress, that growth, that joy and energy that you deserve to feel every day.
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Go to growthday .com or go to the App Store and just download the Growth Day app.
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Start your seven -day free trial and let's level you up.
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Every day is a great day to grow, but you have to stay consistent to get real progress and to really change your life.
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Go to growthday .com or go to the app store and get the Growth Day app right now.
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And I stepped up from, you know, five, 10 people in a room to a class full of people,
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to a lunch cafeteria, to a theater,
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to, you know, seminar stages, conferences, to arenas.
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step up.
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You're just stepping up in skill.
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But if you don't release or start, you never step up in skill.
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So progress begins with a very simple idea.
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I'm going to step up to the standard.
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An unfair standard is I'm supposed to be there now.
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A rational standard is I'll build myself up to that.
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I'll build the foundation, I'll build the walls, and I'll get to the ceiling.
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That make sense?
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It will completely change your life.
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You will move so much faster.
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If you don't move faster after watching this, watch it again and identify where is the problem here.
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Most often, the problem, so number one was the adopt the learning mindset.
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Number two, most often, we have to have self -talk and we have to be proactive active,
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we have to be positive, and gasp, perfectionists, we have to be praising.
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First, I really want you to understand, self -talk must be proactive.
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If your self -talk is reactive, this is why you're stuck.
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You do something and your brain hits you with mean words, and you're like, ugh, your brain hits you with criticism them.
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We want to be proactive with it.
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We go, okay, Brendan, you're going to go on the stage.
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You're going to feel the nerves.
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You're going to feel the anxiety.
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And that's completely normal.
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But what you're trying to do is get an effect out in this audience.
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You're trying to serve this mission.
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You're serving this impact.
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Please allow me to extend and express my strengths and my knowledge and my support and love of these people.
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God, please allow me to do that.
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And I start talking to myself proactively.
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It's proactive.
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If you're backstage and all of a sudden your mind is running amok, that's the opposite of proactive.
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You're just in default fear mode.
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You're just letting anything hit you.
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Don't let things hit you.
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You need to take conscious control of your self -talk.
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You need to speak to yourself.
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And lots of people have different ways.
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Some Some people, they've learned to speak to themselves in narrative form, like they tell a story to themselves.
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Other people, they use affirmations.
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It's more like sentence, like short, burst, sentences, affirmations.
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Other people, they coach themselves in their self -talk.
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That's what I do.
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What should you be saying to yourself?
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What do you want to do?
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What is the focus now? now.
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It's telling yourself with words, please notice with words internally, what should I focus on?
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What should I say to myself?
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Where do I want to steer myself when this negative thing happens?
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Because the negative thing will probably happen.
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You're totally going to fail.
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You're definitely going to fall.
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And what do you do?
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Look at all the learnings came from it.
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Look at the impression.
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Look at the demonstration.
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Look at you.
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You did what you said we're going to do.
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So I'm coaching myself.
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Does that make sense?
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And last, praising.
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You have to praise yourself more often when you don't meet the expectation.
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So back to the perfectionist.
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If you don't meet the expectation, but real effort was there, you got to praise that and go, you know what?
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I gave my best.
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I tried.
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I, you know what?
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Next time I'll be more prepared or more skilled, but I'm in the hunt.
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I'm in motion.
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See, one of the reasons we don't praise ourselves is we believe that praise comes with finality.
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We only get praise when we're done.
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We only get praise when we get status, possessions, awards, the good look, the good picture, the final accolade.
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It's like, no, no, no. The most important part of praise is praising yourself on, not praising yourself for.
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Let me say it again, the most important part of praise is praising yourself on, not praising yourself for.
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It's easy.
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Lots of people praise themselves when they get the thing, but your job is to praise effortful diligence.
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Good job today.
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I put in the reps.
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I'm not stronger now.
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I didn't suddenly look better in the mirror, but I put in the reps.
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I'm putting in the reps and I'm going to integrate that win.
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I'm going to integrate the effortful duties of my day.
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So I feel strong and capable about myself.
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I just know that I'm in progress.
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And being in progress deserves its own praise.
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Being in progress, not achieving a thing, being in progress.
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A lot of people procrastinate because they've never felt good in their life until the thing was done.
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I don't procrastinate because I enjoy doing the thing.
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Does that make sense?
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It's destination thinking versus journey thinking.
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I need you to be a journeyman, a person who on the journey is praising yourself, praising other people, praising God.
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Like we're enjoying the journey, not waiting for the end complete and perfect result that will never happen.
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I'm enjoying stepping up to the standards, even though I know I'm three steps down.
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I'm enjoying the step up.
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Does that make sense?
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I'm enjoying the skill up.
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I'm enjoying the service as it's happening.
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I'm enjoying it, not waiting for it one day.
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So I have more fun than other people.
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And the crazy thing is, because I have more fun than other people, I'm in flow more than other people.
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And that's why I come back to this praising part on self -talk.
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Now, this is very important.
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And I left this off for a reason.
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There's another piece of your self -talk.
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So it's proactive.
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Do not wait to fill your mind with conscious thoughts.
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Do not fill them with negative reaction.
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Instead, be positive even while you address what's not right.
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You can say, you know, I'm going to fall off this wire.
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And that will, but I climbed i tried they saw it i could do it again
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so don't pretend the negative won't be there instead say
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when it's there what will i do same thing
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when i work with marathon runners i go listen at mile
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12 your knees are going to fall out your body it's going to feel terrible
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and they're like yeah it's probably gonna be true i'm like okay well you already know
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that difficulty is going to be encountered the difficulty is going
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to be your knees are going to hurt you're not going
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to feel as fluid as you want to be you might not have the pace
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and timing that you wanted you might feel like really hot
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or uncomfortable when those things happen what will you say to yourself
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well say don't say my knees don't hurt it's like well
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if your knees are hurting it's like you know what
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that shows i'm running i can't wait to see i can push past this
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and achieve something
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that millions of people are going to achieve today in this
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run like literally people are going to push past the fact
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that their knees kind of hurt that's the whole point of marathon we're going to go beyond what's comfortable.
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That's the point.
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Okay.
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Yes, that's true.
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But the point is, I'm going to complete this thing.
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I'm going to be so happy when I complete this thing.
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People are going to be jumping and praising and jumping.
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And you know what?
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Keep going, Brendan.
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You're doing a good job.
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Everything's going to turn out right.
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You're strong.
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You're invincible.
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You're going to keep going.
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You're going to...
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You see?
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I'm praising.
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I'm praising.
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I'm praising.
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This is important.
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Those who fall to social compliance, and again, social compliance is you tell everyone they have to do it your way,
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or you feel diminished if you don't do it their way, meet their standards.
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In your self -talk, I need you to start listening for your self -talk.
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Is it proactive?
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Is it positive in terms of facing your challenges?
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Is it praising of self or maybe others or even God?
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But I think it's important that we also put this word back in. is it pro -social?
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Oh, this is the hard one for the perfectionist.
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This is the hard one for the leader.
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This is the hard one for the person who has to deal with other people who have different values than you.
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Pro -social.
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We have to get your humanness back.
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We have to get your love of other people back.
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We have to get your connection to the world,
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a sense of oneness, a sense of appreciation and gratitude and real care, compassion, love for other people.
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We've got to get that back.
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You know, the truth about perfectionism, the truth about low self -esteem,
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the truth about a lot of procrastination and overwhelm is they are self -centered concerns.
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And they become self -centered in such a way they're antagonistic to self, but they're also antagonistic to other people.
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If I do this, they're going to judge me.
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Why even try?
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F them, right?
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Why even give an F about these people?
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Well, when that's your family and that's your team and that's the people you're on mission with in life, guess what?
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You pull out of the mission, you pull out of the team, you pull out of the conversations with people.
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A lot of the world's self -talk, your inner dialogue about other people can become social mediaized.
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It means it can become divisive, right?
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All the people on the left is this way.
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All the people on the right is this way.
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So F them.
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The funny thing is the higher you get in your success, the more antisocial conversation can happen.
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They all have no standards.
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They suck.
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They're never going to be as good as me.
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They don't care.
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If you tell yourself that story, if that is going on in your head over and over and over and over and over and over and over again,
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that's why you don't move forward, right?
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You're not overwhelmed with your tasks.
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You're overwhelmed with disappointment.
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Let's say it again.
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You're not overwhelmed with your tasks.
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You're overwhelmed with your disappointment about other people.
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You're not procrastinating because you can't do the thing.
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You're procrastinating because of your worry about other people.
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And it's really important to think about that.
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Your low self -esteem isn't just because your internal angst.
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It's because how you think other people perceive you.
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Your perfectionist for your high standards isn't just your high standards, it's how you want to be perceived in pursuit of your standards by other people.
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And if other people are bad, and all those causes, and other people cause delay, and problem, and they suck, and they're the root of the problem,
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and other people are just terrible, they don't have the standards, or they'll judge you.
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They have contempt for you.
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If you have this story and the self -talk in your head, and you believe that is true, I'm here to tell you, you have distorted thinking.
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It is not true.
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Come hang out in a group of mastermind or high performers one day in your life.
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Get around exceptional people and you'll stop this story.
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You're just, you're like, your story about other people really matters.
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The problem is your story has usually been defined around the circle of influence that just happened to be there.
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Versus make sure you're getting around lots of different types of people and you'll start to realize people are amazing.
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A huge part of my success in life is like, I think you're amazing.
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When I think about higher standards or things I'm doing, I know that you and I are on an ascendant path.
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I know even if you were stuck, even if you hate life, even if things have gone wrong, even if there's a lot of negativity, I know you can transform.
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I'm pro -social.
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I believe in you.
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I believe in other people.
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If you actually understood the capability of change of people beyond the story that you might've had,
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then your optimism for the future would be so extraordinary.
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People are like, Brennan, how can you be so optimistic about the future?
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You must have lots of self -confidence.
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I'm like, actually, yeah, I guess I have self -confidence, but I think people are humans and they're amazing.
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The human story is one of extraordinary evolution, not just biological evolution, capability,
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technology, communication, scaling of our, not only our technology and our tools, but scaling of our collaborations around the world.
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The ability to go beyond our human impulses that make us feel terrible,
457
to feel better, to take back conscious control of our lives,
458
to do things that are difficult and courageous and struggling through.
459
That human aspirational story, that's your story.
460
even if you feel stuck.
461
Yes, there are situations that suck.
462
Yes, there are realities of the world that are very, very, very, very difficult.
463
But if that's all you ever talk about in your mind, that's why you procrastinate.
464
You're hopeless.
465
You don't have hope.
466
You don't have faith in other people.
467
And almost all hope and almost all faith in other people comes down to being, we didn't condition ourselves to honor, respect, cheer on, and praise other people.
468
The more you can honor, respect, praise, connect, collaborate, cheer on, and lead other people, the more you have hope, the more you're like, we can change things.
469
Small groups of people change the world all the frigging time.
470
Why not let that be you?
471
Why not identify those people around you?
472
Because if you are so self centered into procrastination, overwhelmed, you are always in your story of, I need to get it perfect.
473
They won't get it right.
474
I'm not judged.
475
I'm good enough.
476
And you're always inside versus is recognizing like, wow, we're on this path together.
477
And history has proven only one clear arc, and that's a growth in abundance and a growth in human collaboration,
478
a growth in human technology, a human improvement.
479
If you can't see human improvement in yourself and other people, you will be stuck.
480
But when you see that progress is just there, lots of people go in the right direction.
481
Lots of people want positive momentum.
482
Lots of people really want to change.
483
It's like, Wow, you know, it's a different world.
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Che cosa imparerai in questa lezione
Questa lezione ti aiuterà a capire come superare la mentalità del perfezionismo, un ostacolo comune per chi cerca di crescere. Attraverso il dialogo del video, praticherai l'ascolto e la ripetizione di frasi utili per affrontare la paura del feedback e l'ansia di non essere "sufficiente". Imparerai a usare espressioni quotidiane che promuovono l'azione e la resilienza, perfette per la pratica di conversazione in inglese.
Parole e frasi chiave
- Procrastination: Ritardo costante nell'azione, spesso legato al perfezionismo.
- Feedback: Commenti o consigli su un lavoro o un'azione, utili per migliorare.
- Ship it: Espressione informale che significa "concludi e pubblica", "metti in circolazione".
- Iteration: Processo di miglioramento continuo attraverso piccoli passaggi.
- Good enough: "Sufficiente", un concetto che sfida il bisogno di perfezione assoluta.
Consigli per la pratica con shadow speech
Il video ha un tono conversazionale e una velocità media, perfetto per esercitarti con il shadow speak. Ecco come fare: Ripeti le frasi subito dopo l'oratore, cercando di imitare l'intonazione e il ritmo. Concentrati sulle espressioni come "Ship it" o "It's good enough" – le ripetizioni ti aiuteranno a memorizzarle e a usarle con naturalezza. Se trovi difficoltà con la velocità, pausa il video e ripeti frasi più corte. Ricorda: il shadowing non è solo sulla pronuncia, ma anche sull'atteggiamento – imita la sicurezza con cui l'oratore parla di superare il perfezionismo. Con la pratica, noterai che le frasi diventeranno più facili e la tua confidenza nella pratica di conversazione in inglese crescerà.
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | can be changed · be stuck · would be missed |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | have been taught · you've adopted · you've never done |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | person who is · people who are · area, which is |
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.