Pratica di Shadowing: underestimated relationship red flags - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
Scegli una modalità di pratica
Ogni modalità apre una sala di pratica a schermo intero.
760 frasi
Se le frasi sono troppo corte o troppo lunghe, clicca su Edit per modificarle.
1
So I got into my first real relationship when I was 17.
2
And I say real relationship because technically I had a boyfriend in fifth grade, but I don't even think we hugged.
3
Maybe we hugged once.
4
And if we did, I can almost guarantee we ran away from each other immediately after,
5
like ran away and didn't talk again for like two days.
6
So I don't really count that one.
7
I got into my first real relationship at age 17.
8
And since then, I've been dating pretty consistently.
9
Like I've been in a lot of relationships since with not much hiatus in between.
10
And so it's safe to say I've had a good amount of experience.
11
Not a lot.
12
I'm a young person, but it's been like seven years straight of dating.
13
And you know what those seven years have taught me?
14
A lot of dating red flags.
15
Okay.
16
A lot of relationship red flags.
17
I feel like I've seen it all and I know
18
that I haven't but it feels like I have okay
19
and here's the deal I know the truth of the matter is you have to touch the stove to learn
20
that it's hot like I could sit here
21
and tell you all the things to avoid in dating and relationships
22
and chances are you're gonna have to go experience
23
it yourself to learn the lesson yourself that's just how it is however today
24
I'm going to be sharing with you all of the relationship
25
and dating red flags that I've learned over the past seven years,
26
because I wish I had a podcast episode to listen to back then when I needed it.
27
Not so that I wouldn't make the mistakes, but so that the seed would be planted in my brain, right?
28
Because when you make the mistakes yourself, a lot of times you'll make the mistakes multiple times.
29
But when there's a seed planted in the back of your head and you know what to look for, you'll probably still make the mistake once,
30
but you're not going to make it like three, four or five times.
31
If you're learning for the first time, you might make the mistake more times than necessary before you learn the lesson.
32
Do you know what I'm saying?
33
Actually, I don't want to say more times than necessary because I think there is no right amount of making mistakes.
34
Like there's no right or wrong amount of making mistakes.
35
As long as you learn eventually, that's all we can strive for.
36
But if somebody had planted a seed in my brain back in the day, I would have avoided a lot of pain and heartbreak.
37
Okay, so today I'm going to be sharing with you all of my dating
38
and relationship red flags that I've learned over the years for the most part through my own trial and error,
39
but also through the trial and error of my friends
40
and the people around me because I've seen my friends and loved ones go through some bullshit as well.
41
So these aren't just lessons I learned from me, but also from those in my life.
42
And I also have to say before I begin that to some of you, these red flags might seem painfully obvious.
43
Like, why are you even mentioning that red flag?
44
It's so obvious.
45
Let me tell you, in relationships, for some of us, we can become completely aloof to what's going on.
46
Like, common sense out the window.
47
I think I'm a pretty smart person.
48
And listen, not everyone agrees, okay?
49
I've read the comments.
50
Some people think I'm very stupid.
51
I think I'm a smart person.
52
I think I'm sharp.
53
I think I don't put up with a lot of bullshit.
54
Actually, that's not true.
55
I can be a yes man sometimes, less so now.
56
Used to be more, less so now.
57
But I think I'm pretty sharp, okay?
58
And things don't go over my head that easily.
59
However, relationships have tested that belief about myself
60
because I've really let shit slide in relationships
61
that like in romantic relationships specifically
62
that i wouldn't let slide in any other area of my life it's
63
so bizarre how common sense really just goes out the window
64
when you're in a relationship it does and and that's nothing to feel bad about it completely makes sense because
65
you know you're you're excited you're in love you feel comfortable
66
and safe you finally found a partner you don't want to screw
67
it up you don't want to be overly you know analytical about it
68
You don't want to be overly critical about it because you don't want it to go away.
69
You know, you're enjoying it and it feels safe
70
and it feels comfortable and you don't want to rock the boat consciously and subconsciously, you know?
71
Anyway, without further ado, let's begin.
72
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Dove's new plant milk cleansing collection.
73
You know how I love my little treats.
74
And I feel the same way about treating my skin in the shower.
75
So I give my skin what it's craving with Dove's Plant Milk Collection Body Washes.
76
Made with a special plant milk blend, just one shower deeply hydrates your skin and leaves you feeling soft and glowing.
77
My favorite scent is the oat milk and berry brulee.
78
But they all smell incredible.
79
Turn your next shower into the little treat your skin deserves.
80
Head to Target to buy
81
Dove's Plant Milk Collection Body Wash before it sells out.
82
Now back to the episode.
83
This first red flag really blew my mind.
84
It really blew my mind when I discovered it.
85
I believe it's a red flag when there are no disagreements or respectful, healthy fights.
86
I actually think that's a red flag, which I know to some of you, this is like, what?
87
What are you talking about?
88
Like, ideally, you're not fighting in a relationship.
89
Yeah, that's what I thought.
90
I've been in relationships where there were no conflicts, no arguments, barely any butting heads at all.
91
And at the time, I thought to myself, wow, like, we're an anomaly.
92
We're so healthy.
93
How is everyone else not like this.
94
Like, this is so easy.
95
Look, we're not fighting.
96
We're not.
97
You want to know what was going on?
98
We didn't even know each other that well.
99
We knew each other well.
100
We were dating.
101
We spent a lot of time together, but we never got down to the thick of it.
102
We weren't discussing our philosophies about life.
103
We weren't discussing serious, heavy, important topics.
104
We weren't showing our true full range of emotion to each other.
105
We were hiding bits and pieces of ourselves to make ourselves look and seem more perfect to one another.
106
We were only sharing like 50 % of ourselves to each other.
107
And that's why we weren't fighting.
108
That's why we weren't butting heads.
109
Because everything was surface level.
110
Everything was light.
111
Everything was fun.
112
And in theory, you know, that that sounds nice, but that's not a real relationship.
113
That's not a real partnership.
114
And here's the thing, like people want different things out of relationships.
115
And I can imagine that there's a world where someone wants something more surface level.
116
However, that's not what I want in a partnership, I want somebody who's going to challenge me.
117
I want somebody who's going to hold me to a standard that forces me to improve as a person, not in a toxic way,
118
but in like a self -betterment way, in like a self -improvement sort of way, in a net positive sort of way.
119
I want somebody who's not going to be a yes man with me,
120
who's not just going to say yes to me so that there is no conflict.
121
I want a real back and forth because that's what makes a relationship valuable.
122
Relationships at their best force both people involved, sometimes uncomfortably, to become better.
123
And it's possible, but it's only possible through uncomfortable moments.
124
There are times when you learn from each other and it's beautiful and it's easy and it's comfortable.
125
But for the most part,
126
what I've experienced is growth as an individual because of a relationship is almost always due to some sort of discomfort.
127
Like if I were to look at my relationships that I've had,
128
I've learned the most, I've improved the most as a person through being confronted uncomfortably by the person.
129
And it fucking sucks.
130
It's not fun.
131
Sometimes it leads to a fight, sometime or whatever but like that is what gives relationships depth like
132
if you are being your truest most honest self
133
if you are discussing your deepest most honest thoughts
134
and the same is happening on the other side eventually you will butt heads
135
if you're spending every day together because you're dating
136
and you're spending an ample amount of time together you'll probably end up butting heads.
137
Do you see what I'm saying?
138
It's a red flag to me if you're not.
139
I also think it's almost like what came first, the chicken or the egg.
140
Okay.
141
Like if you're not fighting, it means you're not sharing all of yourself with the other person.
142
And so the relationship isn't going to be that deep.
143
But also if you aren't fighting and then resolving it, your relationship can't get deeper.
144
Do you see what I'm saying?
145
So it's like, you need that conflict resolution to get closer as a couple as well, because a bit of grit,
146
a bit of tension, and then overcoming that, it builds a stronger bond.
147
But also, if you're not creating an environment where a bit of tension is welcome and safe,
148
both members of the relationship are going to be walking on
149
eggshells all the time trying to avoid any sort of disruption in a relationship i don't think that's healthy
150
and some people might disagree with me but i don't think that that's healthy the realization that a bit of arguing, a bit of respectful fighting,
151
a bit of healthy debate is normal, is healthy, is honestly a green flag, blew my mind.
152
Okay, this blew my mind.
153
It blew my mind.
154
And I wish I would have noticed that earlier on
155
because I've spent a lot of time in relationships where things were almost like eerily calm.
156
And in retrospect, it's so clear to me, like the relationship wasn't deep at all.
157
There was no substance.
158
It was so unfulfilling because there was no substance.
159
And I kept asking myself, like, why does this feel so unfulfilling?
160
Why do I not feel close to this person?
161
Why do I always feel like there's a gap between us?
162
It's because we weren't sharing our truest selves with each other and thus.
163
But I think the not fighting is a very obvious red flag, you know, like that's something that is easy to notice.
164
much easier to notice than like, oh, are we being fully 100 % ourselves with each other?
165
It's like hard to tell, you know, but whether or not you're fighting, again, respectfully, I think is an interesting red flag.
166
But that's also, you know, that leads me to the next red flag, which this is like obvious, but fighting can also be bad, right?
167
Like, if the fighting is non -communicative, if it's not constructive, if you aren't listening to each other,
168
if you're just fighting for the for the sake of fighting, if hurtful things are being said and there's no apologies.
169
I mean, fighting can also be a huge red flag.
170
So it's complicated, right?
171
Because there's a fine line between fighting that's OK and fighting that's a severe red flag.
172
But I think you have to ask yourself, am I being listened to?
173
Do I feel respected even though I'm being confronted or there's an argument?
174
Do I feel respected?
175
If something is said that's out of line, am I being apologized to?
176
And, you know, vice versa, check on yourself, make sure you have all of that under control on your end.
177
It's complicated.
178
But who would have thought I'd be here sitting and saying fighting,
179
actually, respectful fighting might be a green flag and not fighting at all is a red flag.
180
Who would have thought?
181
Who would have thought I'd be sitting here and saying that?
182
I wouldn't have thought that a few years ago.
183
That's for sure.
184
Okay.
185
Moving on.
186
I believe it's a red flag when you think about your partner 24 seven
187
and you love them so much that it causes you deep, deep, overwhelming anxiety because you don't know how you live without them.
188
And you feel overwhelmed with love in a dormant and you just can't even handle it.
189
Like you're so overwhelmed listen if you're feeling like
190
that in like the first I don't know like six months you're in the honeymoon phase like whatever enjoy it
191
if this continues like a year in two years in I think it's a red flag
192
because you know what this tells me it tells me
193
that the partner who's feeling the overwhelming love and anxiety
194
and adornment and obsession is feeling that way because their partner is still an illusion to them,
195
is a bit disconnected from them, is a bit standoffish.
196
There's a wall between the partners.
197
There's a space between.
198
There's not a real level of emotional intimacy.
199
And so the partner feeling the obsession and the love
200
and the anxiety and the adornment is feeling that way because their partner is still not fully theirs.
201
Number one, they don't understand who their partner is.
202
Like they're not fully connected to their partner.
203
They don't fully know who their partner is because there's some walls up.
204
So they're still filling in the blanks with their imagination.
205
And whenever you fill in the blanks about a person with your imagination, they're going to seem a lot better than they actually are,
206
which kind of puts them on a pedestal.
207
Okay.
208
So that's number one.
209
Number two, if your partner has a wall up, you're not going to be able to fully feel like you're in a safe relationship that's mutual.
210
You're going to feel like, oh, I'm constantly still chasing after this person because, well, you're not really chasing after the person,
211
but you're trying to break that wall down so that you can be close.
212
And you're constantly going to be chasing that feeling.
213
You're going to be chasing the closeness, trying to chip away at that wall.
214
And I feel like the chipping away at the wall is almost like representative of the obsession
215
and the anxiety and the in the love
216
and the you're chipping away at this wall
217
that has like a cement backing that will just never ever come down
218
and so but you're so determined you're like trying trying trying
219
and it's not working but you're like convinced
220
that you'll get there one day and the focusing on trying to break that wall down makes you obsessed, makes you anxious.
221
Do you know what I'm saying?
222
To me, it is a huge red flag when a partner feels that sort of level of obsession and love and anxiety.
223
And like, I don't even know what I would do without them.
224
It's because the whole situation is delusional due to the lack of connection.
225
And this one I've experienced personally.
226
So no one can tell me I'm wrong because I've experienced this.
227
This one's very deeply personal for me.
228
And I wouldn't say I was like obsessed, but in one of the relationships I was in, I spent 24 hours a day,
229
seven days a week, freaking out that my partner didn't love me as much as I love them.
230
Freaking out about what would happen if they left and feeling like I wouldn't be able to survive.
231
Putting this person on a pedestal because I didn't really know who they were.
232
So I had to imagine a bunch of things up and I imagined them to be this amazing thing that they weren't.
233
But that made me even more obsessed and in love and whatever, because they were my creation in that way, you know?
234
And in retrospect, I didn't feel safe in that relationship.
235
I didn't feel like it was reciprocal.
236
I didn't feel like they were opening up to me.
237
I didn't feel like I even really knew them.
238
You know what I mean?
239
But it weirdly manifested in like, I don't like to use the word obsession because that makes it sound like a bit kookier than it was,
240
but it was sort of an obsession.
241
And I can say that now because,
242
you know, I've been in relationships since where I'm not anxious about my partner because I know who they are.
243
And I feel like our love is reciprocal and nothing about it is in my imagination.
244
It's all in reality so I don't need to obsess over it
245
because it's all good okay the next red flag I kind of already mentioned
246
but we're going to dig into it
247
when you put your partner on a pedestal you think they're
248
so cool you think they're amazing you you're even maybe a little bit intimidated by them
249
because they're so fucking cool red flag red flag again it goes back to not knowing who this person is
250
if you think that your partner's the coolest person on the planet that's
251
because they're only showing probably 40 to 50 percent of themselves
252
you have no clue who they are they are not being fully themselves around you human beings are not
253
that cool i'm sorry
254
you could take who's like a cool person on the internet let's think like a cool hot person like
255
like austin butler okay the actor who's like handsome and talks like elvis okay
256
If you were to hang out with Austin Butler and Austin Butler, who seems so suave and so cool,
257
if you were to hang out with him and date him, right, for a year, and he was fully himself with you,
258
by the end of that year, you'd be like, I'm immune to this person now.
259
Like, they're not too cool for me.
260
They're not blah, blah, blah.
261
This is a human being who shits and farts and cries and does cringe stuff.
262
Like, you just don't—you take them off the pedestal
263
if both partners are fully being themselves no one's intimidated by
264
the other no one feels like anyone's cooler than the other it's one thing to like admire your partner
265
and and think that they're incredible
266
and be a fan in a way
267
it's another thing to like put them on a pedestal above
268
you that's the red flag you should admire your partner you should
269
but i think putting up on a pedestal is a red flag.
270
Because if you feel like they're better than you, a power imbalance will form, okay?
271
Where because you think your partner's so much cooler than you, you'll just kind of let them get away with anything.
272
And so that's another complication of this, you know?
273
Next, another red flag would be if coincidentally, since you started dating your partner,
274
you've become less creative, less artistic, less adventurous.
275
This can happen sneakily.
276
You might be in a relationship that you think is going great.
277
You're in love.
278
You think you're happy.
279
You think everything's going well.
280
You're not fighting.
281
You're getting along great, but you're less inspired.
282
Now, I do think that this can happen in the honeymoon phase because you're consumed by your new love,
283
you know, and that sort of becomes your hobby for a little
284
while but if like a year goes by
285
and you just don't feel creative in the same way
286
you used to be you don't feel inspired you feel sort of stuck
287
but you can't really figure out why it's
288
because your relationship is not uplifting you your relationship is not inspiring
289
you your partner without even you realizing it is in some way
290
and it might be subtle but is in some way bringing you down
291
And I know it seems obvious, but I promise you it is not always obvious.
292
I've experienced this where I've dated people and thought, this is going great.
293
But meanwhile, I've completely lost my creativity.
294
I've completely lost my inspiration for life.
295
And it's like confusing because it's like, wait, but things are going well.
296
Like, why is this happening?
297
In retrospect, I'm able to see now that the reason why that happened was because number one,
298
I didn't feel 1000 % supported by that particular partner that I was with during that time.
299
I didn't feel like they respected me creatively.
300
I don't feel like they respected me as a person even like I didn't feel like they fully respected me
301
when it came to the things that I did in my life.
302
Does that make sense? like I felt like they were judging me a little bit.
303
And it wasn't glaringly obvious.
304
It was so subtle that that's what made it so sinister.
305
It was like, or not even sinister, but that's what made it so sneaky.
306
Like, I just didn't feel like they were on my team 100%.
307
I felt like there was a little bit of maybe at times like a bit of competition,
308
but it was so subtle that I barely picked up on it
309
and I didn't really realize it until the relationship was over
310
and suddenly I had like this explosion of creativity
311
and I was like what and again now I'm able to realize it's
312
because I felt a bit judged by my partner at the time
313
I felt I also felt drained by the relationship too I was spending
314
so much energy trying to break down their metaphorical wall right
315
because they had sort of a wall up and weren't fully being themselves and weren't really very vulnerable with me,
316
but I was super vulnerable with them and, but they weren't really reciprocating that.
317
And so I was in the super vulnerable place, but they were all locked up and weren't giving me a lot of reassuring action.
318
So I was spending all of my free time trying to figure out if they even liked me,
319
you know, trying to figure out if the feelings were reciprocal,
320
trying to break down that wall and find out who my partner really was in a way, how they really felt on the inside.
321
What was tender and soft in there?
322
I was trying to find it.
323
And that was taking so much of my time
324
and was stressing me out so much that I didn't have any time
325
or energy to be creative or to be inspired in my own personal life because I was trying to figure them out.
326
I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Hotels .com.
327
I love to travel and I love staying at hotels.
328
There's nothing I love more than walking into a fresh, clean hotel room and just absolutely exploding in it.
329
Okay.
330
Putting all my skincare in the bathroom, hanging all my clothes up in the closet and really making myself feel at home.
331
I also love going down in the morning for a buffet breakfast, but booking the right hotel can be hard work.
332
If you don't know where to look, whether I'm traveling for work or for fun, I'm always looking for the best hacks and perks.
333
And if you're like me, let me tell you the easiest way to book is with hotels .com.
334
Members save up to 20 % and earn rewards on every stay.
335
In the money I save on the hotel, I can spend on going out to dinner,
336
maybe doing a little bit of shopping at the hotel gift shop.
337
You know what I mean?
338
Like this could be you.
339
If you sign up at hotels .com, become a member for free and save on hundreds of thousands of hotels at hotels .com.
340
Now let's get back to the episode.
341
Okay, moving on.
342
Another red flag.
343
If you're too afraid to tell your partner anything, and I mean anything, that's a red flag.
344
Now, again, some people might disagree and say, your partner doesn't need to know everything.
345
I agree that your partner doesn't necessarily need to know everything.
346
You don't need to bring your partner in on every single
347
challenge or struggle in your life or every reality in your life necessarily
348
but I think a partnership is a partnership right like you should feel comfortable telling your partner almost everything
349
if not everything like 99 % of things again my opinion
350
but I've been in relationships where I literally was
351
so afraid I'll actually tell a story so I had a little single era before I got into a relationship.
352
And in that little single era, I really wanted to try to like have casual sex because it's something I hadn't really done before.
353
And I just wanted to see how it felt.
354
And so I hooked up with some people
355
that you wouldn't probably imagine me to be with it's like not my style um
356
and by that i mean like kind of douchey like cool guy not like cool guy
357
but like yeah like kind of maybe a bit douchey like cockier sort of guys that get a lot of girls.
358
Like I went for that.
359
Like not super respectful even necessarily.
360
No. Well, yeah.
361
It just like wasn't the vibe that you would imagine me going for as like a very relationship driven, long -term relationship driven girl, right?
362
It was a little bit unexpected, but it was an experimentation.
363
And following that experience of kind of hooking up with a few sort of douchey -ish sort of guys, I got into a relationship.
364
And, you know, I live in Los Angeles.
365
Everybody knows everyone in LA.
366
Turns out, you know, the guy I started dating really didn't like those boys that I had hooked up with.
367
And again, because LA is very, it's shockingly small, that came up a few times.
368
And for the entire relationship, I literally couldn't sleep at night,
369
thinking about what would happen if he found out that I had hooked up with those guys in the past.
370
Like actually could not, I could not sleep.
371
There were nights where I literally was laying next to him, staring at the ceiling, freaking the fuck out.
372
But because I was like, I know he's going to judge me.
373
He'll probably break up with me.
374
In retrospect, I'm like, what? that is so dark.
375
Like in a real healthy relationship, that's something that can be talked through.
376
That's a story that should be told.
377
Do you know what I'm saying?
378
I should not have been staying up at night afraid of telling him or afraid of him finding out.
379
I can't even tell you how many hours I wasted on that.
380
Such a fucking stupid, such a red flag to be that afraid of your partner finding out about something that like,
381
isn't that big of a deal because you think they'll judge you you think
382
that they're not going to accept you that is a red flag
383
if you're not certain
384
that your partner will be able to accept
385
you as it's who you really are red flag red mother
386
effing flag okay next another red flag love at first sight hear me out do i think
387
there is love at first sight of course i think there are absolutely moments
388
when like you know you see somebody and you're like, I'm down.
389
Like I'm interested.
390
They seem awesome.
391
And then you start dating and then it goes, and then it's happily ever after.
392
Like, do I think that that happens?
393
Yes.
394
However, love at first sight to me is a teensy bit delusional.
395
It's a little bit delusional.
396
Most of the time, I think there are rare occasions where it's not, but I, I, I think a lot of times it's,
397
it's delusional because here's the truth of the matter, right? people are
398
so complicated people are like never -ending onions okay you keep peeling back the layers
399
and then there's more there's more to discover
400
if you think you experience love at first sight like
401
if you experience love at first sight and it genuinely works out it's
402
because of luck you got really lucky because you judge somebody based on their first your first experience with them.
403
And then they ended up actually clicking with you long term, even as you were both peeling back your onions,
404
if you will, okay, in revealing new layers of yourself over and over and over again.
405
Like, I think more often than not, with relationships, like, you start out by meeting somebody, you become friends.
406
And then slowly but surely, as you get to know them better,
407
your feelings really form for them over time because you slowly but surely reveal that you're really compatible.
408
Do you know what I'm saying?
409
Like that's I feel like how a healthier relationship tends to form.
410
Where in the beginning there's maybe a bit of skepticism or maybe even you don't feel romantic at first at all.
411
You don't feel attracted to the person at all and that slowly but surely develops.
412
Maybe you think that they're cute at first but you're like I'm not convinced like, we'll see if we click.
413
That's a healthier mindset.
414
I don't know.
415
I think love at first sight is a bit frightening to me
416
because you don't know if you're compatible with a person for a while.
417
And the problem is, if you and someone else meet each other and are immediately really attracted to each other,
418
and the first conversation goes kind of well, and you both decide that you're in love and it was love at first sight,
419
now you're locked into that narrative and that's dangerous as well
420
because then you end up staying in something perhaps that isn't good
421
because you had you boxed the relationship into love at first sight it's got to work out now
422
because it was love at first sight
423
that is a bit toxic to me at times
424
but again i just don't think anyone should be saying love
425
at first sight until like a year two years down the line do you know what I'm saying?
426
because maybe in the beginning, maybe you had a crush on someone immediately.
427
Great.
428
But like love at first sight is that's a huge, that's a huge claim.
429
And if you lock yourself into that too early, I just think it can be dangerous.
430
I don't know.
431
That's my opinion.
432
Next, talking casually about marriage before it's been like a year.
433
Here's the thing.
434
I mean, again, like everyone's so different.
435
And so it's, I don't want to make like blanket statements, but I've been in relationships where marriage came up within the first year
436
and listen i'm young to be talking about marriage
437
and in retrospect that's a red flag i don't even necessarily think
438
it needs to be in the form of love bombing
439
because well maybe to some i think love bombing would mean like talking about marriage in under a year
440
but i think that's obviously a red flag i think even like casual mentions
441
or like sly remarks about potentially getting married one day is a red flag
442
and here's why okay
443
because i'm the type of person who dates to marry right
444
i i'm not like now i'm not gonna marry everyone i date obviously
445
but i'm not gonna get into a relationship unless i feel confident
446
that this is a real contender for marriage for me that's how i date
447
because because otherwise it feels like a waste of time for me personally, because I don't even know if I'm going to get married.
448
I would like to, I don't know, but like, that's what aligns with my goals in life.
449
I want to have a family, little baba, little baby.
450
And like, I, so I'm not just dating to like have fun.
451
I'm dating because I want to find that partner, you know?
452
So like, I want the people I'm with to be real contenders.
453
And again, when I was younger, I didn't even know what that meant.
454
You know what I mean?
455
So I was dating guys that I was like, yeah, maybe I'd marry him.
456
And it's like, obviously I wouldn't, but at the time it felt valid.
457
That felt like a valid feeling.
458
However, I never ever in my relationships would bring up marriage ever.
459
End of story.
460
Never happened.
461
That, that word never came out of my mouth.
462
It was never mentioned unless someone else brought it up.
463
Well, not someone else, but unless my partner brought it up to me, which has happened before where we're in the early stages of a relationship
464
and all of a sudden like in the good night text there's a ring emoji
465
and it's like whoa you know
466
and then it's like you know a sly remark about like well
467
if we ever get married
468
and it's like whoa listen after like two years maybe
469
I don't know everyone's different again maybe after a year sure
470
but I just this is my opinion this is very much my opinion
471
and I could change my mind about this tomorrow
472
but I think in a healthy relationship marriage the conversation around marriage I think can happen at a point
473
when the relationship feels really solid maybe
474
that's at around a year maybe two years who knows to get on the same page right
475
because yeah I do think it is important to get on the same page
476
and make sure that you both have the same sort of philosophy on
477
that type of stuff because otherwise that could be a huge issue down the line
478
so I definitely think it's important to have the conversation.
479
But I do think it's a red flag if it comes up too soon.
480
And it's like, wait, what are you doing?
481
You know, like, what are you saying?
482
Like, we still don't even know each other that well.
483
Like, I haven't even met your sister yet.
484
And you're like, you know what I'm saying?
485
I don't know.
486
I think the conversations around marriage in relationships should be really thoughtful like throwing around
487
that sort of casual throwing around like oh yeah like
488
if we get married or when we get married lol throwing
489
that around casually early on feels reckless it feels it feels reckless
490
and it feels disrespectful of one another's emotions
491
because in the beginning stages of relationship it's so vulnerable it's
492
so like deeply emotional
493
and to start like looping marriage into things it's like yeah you might feel like you want to marry the person
494
but it's the responsible thing to do to wait
495
it out until the relationship is at a at a developed enough stage to have
496
that conversation rationally because i've been in relationships where there was like little chitter
497
and chatter about marriage and then it's like wait
498
and then we broke up you know and it hurt 10 times worse
499
because it was like wait we like talked about getting married
500
i don't know it just feels irresponsible to like take things to
501
that level too soon even if it's not love bombing even
502
if both members are like oh we want to get married don't talk
503
i think it's best not to talk about those types of
504
things until the relationship is at a developed enough point
505
and i also think
506
it's best to discuss marriage more broadly less about what you're going to do together especially early on
507
and more so just the philosophy overall on marriage and then at some point
508
you'll get to the age and the time in your life when it's time to get married.
509
And then you have conversations about getting married to each other.
510
I just, I think it's such a serious and like deeply emotional thing that to throw it around casually,
511
it just, again, it's, it's immature and it feels irresponsible.
512
And I just think it's a red flag.
513
Again, some might disagree with me.
514
Okay, next.
515
I think it's a red flag to not be able to have conversations about sex with your partner.
516
Like you should be able to sit down and dissect the sex that you had with your partner, with your partner.
517
Does that make sense?
518
And that should be completely comfortable.
519
I've been in, I'm literally doing this every time I've been in relationships.
520
I've been in many relationships where I did not feel comfortable talking about sex because it actually felt kind of taboo,
521
even though we were having set, we're dating.
522
It still felt like this sort of taboo thing to talk about it.
523
And that's a huge issue because sex requires a lot of conversation.
524
Otherwise, you end up in a relationship.
525
This is for the girlies out there.
526
You'll end up in a relationship where you haven't come in two years.
527
You know, like, that's how that shit happens.
528
And I know what you're thinking.
529
Emma, that doesn't happen, does it?
530
Oh, no, it does.
531
It does.
532
Do you know what I'm saying?
533
It's like, if you get into this sort of situation where sex becomes sort of taboo and it's not really discussed.
534
That's a huge fundamental element of relationships is the sex.
535
I mean, not for everyone, of course, but for a lot of people, that's a huge fundamental part of relationship.
536
Of romantic relationships, it is.
537
It's a very important thing and you need to be able to talk about it openly, honestly.
538
And I believe that there should be a safe, comfortable environment within the relationship to have those types of conversations
539
and if that isn't there
540
if you feel scared to be like hey you should be doing this more
541
or like i don't really like when you do that
542
or i wish we had sex more or i wish we had sex less
543
if you don't feel comfortable to have those types of conversations massive red flag
544
and this seems like an obvious red flag but it's not for everyone
545
because i think
546
that we can we can accidentally get into a routine where we're in relationships where we're not talking about sex
547
because it is an uncomfortable conversation to have you do have
548
to be in a really deep close relationship in order to have those conversations comfortably
549
and unfortunately that's not necessarily the case like 50 of the time
550
you know a lot of times we end up in relationships where
551
we're sort of playing an elevated version of ourselves and
552
so is our partner and we're trying to like be super cool
553
and like you know what i mean it's it's a huge red flag
554
you have to be able to talk about it not only is it a sign
555
that you're at a good level of closeness and vulnerability
556
and you truly have a strong bond that allows you to be free
557
and have free conversation without fear of judgment or awkwardness
558
but also in order to have good sex
559
you have to talk about sex i think unfortunately i mean listen
560
i think it can be good sometimes it's just good
561
and that's great but i don't know
562
if you're going to be together for a long time you need to be able to talk about it.
563
Continuing on with sex, it's a red flag if intimacy doesn't feel satisfying.
564
Like if you don't feel satisfied by the sex that you're having, that's a red flag.
565
Now, I've been in situations where I've been having sex that wasn't quite working for me, right?
566
But I was like, well, maybe it's my fault because I haven't been in the mood lately or like,
567
no the truth of the matter was my partner at the time wasn't really doing much for me
568
and then on top of that I wasn't speaking up
569
and saying like hey you kind of need to do some more stuff for me you know what I mean
570
and so because there was
571
that major disconnect it was like just kind of it just became really lackluster
572
I think for both parties you know what I mean
573
but no one spoke up
574
and in it there's just sort of this settling for like this mid intimacy
575
because we didn't want to have the conversation
576
and really it's fine like it's not
577
that important to be having like amazing sex like it's it's probably unrealistic
578
or whatever no it's not no it's not
579
so like strive for success in relationships
580
you know like everyone should be striving for every element of
581
the relationship to be great no one should be settling and
582
if they're settling it's
583
because there's a lack of passion in the relationship
584
there's a there's not enough like it's not it's clearly not worth fighting for
585
if you're not willing to like work to make it really good do you know what i mean
586
because it does take work and it is uncomfortable at times but settling is much less fun.
587
Okay, this next one is going to be controversial.
588
It is.
589
It is.
590
And some people are really going to disagree with me, but I do think that this is maybe not a red flag,
591
but like a yellow flag.
592
Does that exist?
593
Yellow flag?
594
I haven't heard anyone use that term, but to me, this is a yellow flag.
595
If you don't like each other's style, and I'm talking about music,
596
clothing home decor are i think it's kind of a red flag listen you're never going to meet somebody
597
and have the exact same taste in everything it's like impossible
598
but i think you know what i mean
599
when i say like similar taste adjacent taste like
600
if you're really into futuristic modern clothes and like edm dance music
601
and like and like you want your house to look super brutalist
602
and like you want like concrete walls and like concrete furniture
603
and your partner is obsessed with like wearing fluffy skirts
604
and listening to Sabrina Carpenter and likes to have like a bright colorful home
605
and likes art that's like really cute it's like that's not
606
that's gonna be tough I'm not saying it can't work it totally can
607
but I don't know there's something about having a similar taste in things
608
that I feel like makes the relationship even more fun because you can go to the same concerts together.
609
You can go to the same art exhibitions together.
610
You can decorate your home together and you'll both be happy
611
and feel like it's a representation of you both in the car
612
when you're driving together all the time or when you're at home turning, you know, the speaker on, listening to music.
613
You both can enjoy music together.
614
I just think it's really tough not to have similar taste.
615
And again, I don't think it's impossible.
616
And I think it just depends on how important your taste is to you.
617
Like how much do you like the stuff that you like
618
and how flexible are you about being around things that you don't really like?
619
I'm somebody who's incredibly, incredibly, incredibly, incredibly visual.
620
Like I can't date somebody unless I like their style.
621
I learned that early on.
622
Like I did date some guys where I didn't like their style
623
and it quickly it really turned me off
624
and i know what you're thinking emma that's so shallow it's actually not
625
because somebody's taste in things it goes deeper than what meets the eye i think it really does
626
because i didn't just not like them
627
because i didn't like their style like it actually went deeper than
628
that but that was like the most obvious sign you know i don't know i'm an incredibly visual person
629
so like some the way that somebody decorates their home what they wear, how they style themselves.
630
All of these things are really important to me.
631
I'm also like really into, I love various art forms and I'm really into it.
632
And I spend a lot of time cultivating my own taste and stuff.
633
And so if somebody else doesn't have a taste that I like, like I'm sorry, but I can't date a guy whose playlist is like
634
Drake and then like Diplo, you know what i mean like i can't i can't
635
and i can't date a guy who's wearing like tight khaki joggers i can't i cannot i will not
636
and i don't think that's wrong like that's a red flag for me could i potentially get over it maybe
637
if like the click was amazing but i'm okay with being surface level about
638
that and i think it's okay to see that as a red flag but not everyone cares
639
right like some people really don't care they're not visual people they're not
640
that into art like it's fine but if you're into
641
that it's really hard i don't know i don't know maybe i'm like morally wrong for
642
that but anyways moving on i think it's a red flag
643
if you don't trust your significant other enough to be friends with people
644
that they could technically be attracted to so like if you're in a heterosexual relationship,
645
man and a woman, that would mean the boyfriend in the relationship wouldn't trust the girl to be friends with straight guys.
646
Or let's say in a relationship with two gay guys,
647
if they don't feel comfortable with each other being friends and hanging out with other gay guys without that.
648
You see what I'm saying?
649
I think this is a red flag now listen i will say some people are just naturally more jealous
650
and i get it
651
but i do think
652
we should really strive to trust our partners enough to be able to hang out with people
653
that they could technically be attracted to
654
and to not spiral about it like i've experienced both experiences
655
i've experienced relationships where there's enough trust where it's kind of no worries
656
you know sometimes it's like huh i wonder what's going on there but there's a confidence that
657
nothing would ever happen because the relationship is
658
so valuable to both members of the relationship that there's sort of this feeling of like, they might find somebody else hot,
659
but they're definitely not going to do anything.
660
They wouldn't fuck this up.
661
They just wouldn't.
662
Does that mean that you're not going to get cheated on?
663
Listen, shit happens.
664
Okay.
665
But we should strive to feel that level of confidence in our relationships.
666
And I do think it's, again, this is sort of more of a yellow flag, I think, because it's a really hard thing to accomplish.
667
And I think there is a personal element to it as well.
668
Like, sometimes we can be in incredible relationships that are safe and happy and so reciprocated, so mutual.
669
But, you know, we have our own personal issues with our confidence, with our self -esteem that make, you know, this sort of situation really uncomfortable.
670
And so that's, you know, also something to consider. But yeah.
671
Okay, moving on it is a red flag
672
if your partner is quote -unquote bad at responding no
673
they're not no they're not in a romantic relationship one
674
you should be available to each other at all times I think
675
or not at all times listen there should be like an understanding like
676
if someone's going to work you know
677
if someone's going to dinner with their friends
678
and you're going to be separated you know
679
there should be an understanding like yeah you're not going to be available 24 7
680
but like in a relationship there's no such thing as bad responding oh oh
681
you know like my boyfriend didn't respond to me all day yesterday
682
but he's just a bad responder no he's not he could make a little time here
683
or there to be like hey sorry like you know doing this
684
but like i'll talk to you in a bit i just
685
i'm not buying it i'm not buying
686
it i don't think anyone is a bad responder with their partner i'm a bad responder on text with friends
687
and acquaintances like i sometimes won't respond for a month just
688
because I didn't get around to it you know
689
or I like didn't see it at first or I've been working
690
or I don't have the emotional capacity to respond like
691
I do think some people are bad responders in general
692
but in a relationship I'm sorry they're not a bad responder
693
they're up to something I think that's a huge red flag
694
if you feel neglected by your partner when you're not together chances are it's
695
because they are neglecting you they're not communicating enough.
696
Again, you shouldn't be texting all day long,
697
but like if your partner is ignoring you for like hours and hours and hours straight with no explanation, I don't know.
698
I'm just not buying it.
699
It's off to me.
700
It's off to me.
701
Red flag.
702
Next, it's a red flag if you feel like your significant other would choose their friends over you.
703
I personally think that's a red flag.
704
If you feel like your partner's friends are like their entire life and you're really on the back burner, that's a red flag.
705
Now it's confusing because it's also a red flag if your partner doesn't have any other friends other than you.
706
So it's like, wait, what?
707
Balance.
708
There needs to be balance.
709
Like it's important for your partner to have friends other than you, but you still need to feel like you're in a category of your own
710
because romantic relationships are a category of their own.
711
You shouldn't feel like, oh, my partner would, you know, if my partner was faced with a choice,
712
like who would I rather hang out with my significant other or my friends?
713
I personally think eight times out of 10, your partner should choose you because it's a deeper, more, I don't know.
714
I just have heard over the years of a lot of
715
people letting their partners like completely fucking kick him to the
716
curb to go hang out with you know their friends like all the time
717
you know what i mean in a very imbalanced way
718
and i've i've heard excuses be made like well you know like it's it's their friends
719
and like friendship is really important it's like yeah
720
but you shouldn't feel neglected you shouldn't feel kicked to the curb like your partner should be finding balance
721
so that everybody feels like they're getting you know ample time with them it's just weird
722
and last but not least this may be the most controversial one i think it's a red flag
723
if you're dating somebody and they're not a solid contender for like long -term partnership potentially marriage
724
if that's what you're into or you know potentially starting a family together
725
if that's what you're into if you're looking for like a serious partnership long term
726
and you're with somebody and you're like i don't know
727
if they're a contender yet that's a red flag
728
if that's your goal in life you shouldn't be with somebody unless they feel like a strong contender
729
because here's the deal chances are they're probably not a strong contender
730
and you'll find
731
that out later the hard way in the moment in the least you should feel like they're a strong contender
732
because in my experience in romantic relationships usually my feelings are irrationally positive
733
because i'm in love and i feel romantic and i like and i want to kiss and all this
734
and so like i'm actually like delusionally positive about the person do you know what i mean
735
so if you don't feel like they're a strong contender they're probably really not
736
because i feel like in relationships feelings are usually too positive do you see what i'm saying
737
so if i do my math that feels like a red flag
738
and i think those are all my red flags listen i'm gonna keep dating
739
and so who knows i might have a whole new slew of red flags for you in like two years
740
so stay tuned for that um
741
but that's all i have for today that's it i mean obviously
742
you know i there's a lot of red flags
743
that i didn't mention today
744
because you know i think they're like there there's no need to reiterate them
745
i think they are really obvious asshole mean bully you know like toxic like obvious bad stuff um
746
but i tried to tap into the the less obvious stuff today
747
and hopefully you enjoyed and maybe you got something out of it.
748
Maybe you didn't, but either way, I hope you enjoyed and I enjoyed, okay?
749
I enjoyed hanging out with you.
750
So hopefully the feeling was mutual.
751
And if it was, tune in Thursdays and Sundays.
752
I'm here every Thursday and Sunday to chat with you and hang out.
753
So tune in if you want.
754
Find Anything Goes Online at Anything Goes.
755
Find me online at Emma Chamberlain
756
and find my coffee company in the world at Chamberlain Coffee
757
and that's all I have for today
758
that's it thank you all for listening thank you all for hanging out as always it's a pleasure
759
and we'll be talking in a few days
760
if you choose to tune back in all right talk to you soon and love you and bye bye
Scarica l'app
Tutto ciò che serve per parlare fluentemente
Pronuncia con IAVoto per ogni frase
Pratica IPAPadroneggia ogni suono
VocabolarioCostruisci il tuo lessico
Gioco di vocabolarioImpara giocando
📺 Stesso Canale
B212
its time to have a conversation with them
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
relationships change us
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B216
existential crisis, advice session
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B12
my quiet morning routine and other things i like rn
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B28
lower your expectations about people
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B29
friendship breakups and boundaries, advice session
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B21
its not about not caring
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B22
finding comfort in yourself, advice session
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B28
never say never
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B21
social life, success, and sleep
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B27
a talk with kendall jenner
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B27
bittersweet
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2are you living for you?
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2i feel like my life is boring and it scares me
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
✨ Video consigliato
B11
14 frasi
brutally honest boy advice #girls #shorts
TeensDaily Conversation
B113
121 frasi
When Was The First Time You Fell In Love? | Healing Podcast 💖 | Intermediate
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B21
253 frasi
I Analyzed My Failed Relationships & Here's What I Found
TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
275 frasi
GIRL TALK | teen advice I wish I knew (boys, confidence & friendships)
TeensDaily Conversation
B22
349 frasi
Dilemma With Emma | FULL VIDEO
TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
172 frasi
the dating advice that changed my life
Interview EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B11
177 frasi
Lili Reinhart Gives Her Brutally Honest Dating Advice | Cosmopolitan UK
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B13
404 frasi
The Things Nobody Tells You About Learning English
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B15
145 frasi
why women lose themselves and their friends in relationships
TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
196 frasi
why crushes are a waste of time
TeensDaily Conversation
B114
41 frasi
BEST MADDY ADVICE FOR THREE MINUTES (season 2)
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B12
176 frasi
The Day I Stopped Caring What People Think
TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “underestimated relationship red flags”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: relationship, flag, partner. Questo video contiene 760 frasi e 9037 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 51:38. Chi parla ha un ritmo naturale di circa 175 parole al minuto, vicino a una conversazione quotidiana. Il 85% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| romantic aggettivo | /ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/ | romantico |
| contender sostantivo | /kənˈtɛn.dɚ/ | contendente, rivale |
| partnership sostantivo | /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/ | partenariato |
| obsession sostantivo | /əbˈsɛʃən/ | ossessione |
| necessarily avverbio | /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/ | necessariamente, a tutti i costi |
| anxiety sostantivo | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | ansia, ansietà |
| incredibly avverbio | /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/ | incredibilmente |
| chase verbo | /t͡ʃeɪs/ | inseguire, cacciare |
| deeply avverbio | /ˈdi(ː)pli/ | in profondità, estremamente |
| marry verbo | /ˈmæɹi/ | sposare |
| potentially avverbio | /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/ | potenzialmente |
| settle verbo | /ˈsɛtəl/ | risolvere |
| butt sostantivo | /bʌt/ | culo, sedere |
| vulnerable aggettivo | /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/ | vulnerabile |
| attract verbo | /əˈtɹækt/ | attirare |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Significato |
|---|---|
| come up verbo | venire fuori, emergere |
| end up verbo | andare a finire, finire |
| figure out verbo | scoprire, rendersi conto |
| find out verbo | scoprire |
| break up verbo | spezzettare, tagliuzzare |
| bring up verbo | menzionare, nominare |
| get along verbo | andare d'accordo, ingranare |
| get away with verbo | farla franca, cavarsela |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- Do you know what I'm saying?
- What are you talking about?
- Do you see what I'm saying?
- In retrospect, I'm like, what?
- You see what I'm saying?
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — un’azione iniziata prima e ancora in corso | I've been dating · have been staying · I've been having |
| “Used to” used to + verbo — un’abitudine o uno stato passato che non è più vero | Used to be |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | I've been · I've had · it's been |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | would be planted · is presented · being confronted |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 386 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come you're, don't, I'm. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: clothing /ˈkloʊðɪŋ/, thick /θɪk/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, delusional /dɪˈluːʒənəl/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: hook /hʊk/, hug /hʌɡ/, honeymoon /ˈhʌn.iˌmuːn/, handsome /ˈhæn.səm/, happily /ˈhæp.ə.li/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: romantic /ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, chase /t͡ʃeɪs/, butt /bʌt/, attract /əˈtɹækt/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: romantic /ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, marry /ˈmæɹi/, attract /əˈtɹækt/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come romantic, contender, partnership.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.