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Stop me if you've heard this one.

You're the strong friend, the independent girlfriend, the reliable employee, and somehow you're also the most exhausted,

underappreciated person in every room you walk into.

Weird how that works, right?

Hi muses!

Welcome back to my channel where we talk about how women can have their cake and eat it too.

I'm your host Nadine and I'm here to rebuild the village women once had

so we can have the right conversations and create lives that feel as good as it looks.

Please like, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don't miss anything.

You know what nobody tells you about your 20s or your 30s?

That the hardest part isn't actually figuring out what you want.

Yes, I know, crazy, right?

Because when you feel a little bit lost and directionless, that's all you care about.

But the hardest part is having enough self -love to give yourself permission to have standards in life.

Because there's so much self -negotiation and bargaining that even after you know exactly what you want,

you might not even go for it because you don't feel worthy of actually having it.

So you settle, you accept friendships that drain you, relationships where you're the only one trying, jobs that pay you well, but cost you your piece.

And you tell yourself, it's fine that you're being realistic, low maintenance, chill.

That was me and maybe all of my twenties.

But as it turns out, I wasn't any of those things.

I was just scared that if I asked for more or desired more, I'd end up with nothing at all.

So today, we're talking about something I wish someone had told me years ago.

How to set standards that honor who you're becoming, not who you used to be.

And more importantly, how to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you're shrinking just to fit,

but you're too scared to take that next step.

As always, we don't gatekeep, so let's step into it.

Let me start with a little confession that's going to totally expose me in my pick -me era.

There was a time in my life where I convinced myself

that having low standards meant I was mature and cool because I didn't need much.

That being chill meant comfortably splitting every bill down to the penny, never asking for help because I could do it myself,

accepting breadcrumb friendships where I was always the one reaching out and making excuses for them, and that all of this was just normal.

But I had this nagging feeling that something was off.

You know when you hang out with a friend and afterwards you just feel kind of icky,

like the interaction didn't add to your life, it just drained you?

I had that feeling everywhere.

My friendships, my relationship, my job.

Of course I knew something was off, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

And turns out it was standards or the complete lack of them

but it had me in a gridlock

because on one end I felt like demanding more didn't feel right like I shouldn't be asking for more

and it kind of also went against the whole cool girl thing

but staying where I was felt even worse I remember

I was dating someone who made four times my income at the time

I was working two full -time jobs barely making 70k in salary mind you I live in the Bay Area

so 70k wasn't a lot and I think after rent, bills, groceries, and putting my money into my 401k, I had like $600 left every month.

But he was all about splitting everything 50 -50 because his words, not mine, I was a strong, independent woman.

And I believed his logic and wore that label like a badge of honor.

While things weren't actually 50 -50 in our relationship, I cooked, I cleaned, he was always over at my apartment,

and I never asked him to do anything

because he made it feel like asking him to help was like admitting that I wasn't capable.

That was not independence, okay?

That was both survival mode, dressed up as feminism, and him completely taking advantage of my care and love.

And I think a lot of us do this, right?

We confuse having no standards with being low maintenance.

We think that if we don't ask for much, we won't be disappointed.

If we don't expect anything, we can't be let down, or we would be more desirable because we're easygoing.

But here's the uncomfortable truth.

When you have no standards, you're not protecting yourself from disappointment.

You're guaranteeing it.

You're allowing yourself to have low quality life experiences.

You're allowing people who shouldn't even be in your life have an opportunity to have access to you

because people will meet you exactly where you set the bar.

And if your bar is on the floor, that is where they will find you.

I learned this the hard way across every area of my life in friendships

I had girls who would call me up at 2 a .m

when they needed something or they were crying

but somehow never had time to celebrate my wins

or they'd talk behind each other's backs and what started out feeling like closeness

because I thought they were sharing with me their inner thoughts turned into suspicion

that they did the same to me when i wasn't in the room

which i later confirmed was actually true

or before i quit my tech job i had

so many boundaries crossed

and i just accepted it anything

you think a young asian girl working in a male -dominated field can experience

i did i thought speaking up would make me lose my job

so i thought keeping quiet made things safe

that i could just brush things off

and it'll stop happening shout out to my work dad who immediately reported to hr even though i was terrified

and obviously in relationships.

I dated men who were emotionally unavailable, stingy only when it came to me

and somehow made me feel like I was asking for too much when all I wanted was care, thoughtfulness, effort, and respect.

And through all of it, I told myself the same lie.

This is just how it is.

This is the best I can do.

If I could do better or have better in life, it would have happened already,

which is honestly the worst self -pitying limiting belief my little aha moment came in a chain of revelations okay

because I finally got real with myself

and was like I'd rather be single forever than be with a selfish man

I'd rather clean cleats at a cycling studio than stay in a soul -sucking corporate job

which is exactly what I did by the way I quit everything

and worked at a cycling studio for six months while I rebuilt my life from scratch.

Total woo -woo manifestation story of how I found my next opportunity, but we'll save that for another episode.

Like I was saying, I realized all these things I held

so close to me and refused to let go was doing me more harm than good.

And I would rather be without than be with, which I'm not going to lie.

It took a huge amount of courage to just be like, F this.

I literally blew up my old life.

But when I finally ended things, with a man, with a job, with a friend, I felt this surge of energy.

100

Like I was finally me again.

101

And I had the longest, most relieving cry because I was so happy that I finally chose myself.

102

I had been dimming myself for

103

so long just to make room for people who didn't even appreciate the space I was giving them.

104

And that breakup kicked off everything.

105

So I wanted to talk about standards today because I think we've overcomplicated this.

106

Standards aren't about being high maintenance or difficult or demanding.

107

They're not about making people jump through hoops to prove they are worthy of you.

108

Standards are simply the baseline of how you expect to be treated based on how you treat yourself.

109

Let me say that again because this is important.

110

Your standards are a reflection of your self -worth.

111

They're the boundary between what you will accept and what you won't, between what nourishes you and what depletes you.

112

So when you don't have standards, you're not actually being easygoing.

113

You're just telling the world, I don't value myself enough to require you to value me either.

114

Those of you who have followed me for a while know that I started off doing social media talking about relationships,

115

femininity, dating, setting high standards, et cetera.

116

But the missing part of the conversation was always around having real standards based on self -worth

117

and not just what you think you should have, based on what you think women with high standards are like.

118

Because what you think is high standards or high maintenance could be the bare minimum for another woman, and that's totally fine.

119

Same goes with friendships and careers and everything else in life.

120

And here's the nuance.

121

Standards and expectations are not the same.

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Standards are your baseline.

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They're the non -negotiable threshold of how you allow yourself to be treated based on your self -worth.

124

Standards are about you, What you will accept what you won't tolerate what you require to feel valued and respected

125

They are the floor not the ceiling

126

Expectations are your desires

127

They're the specific things you hope for or want from other people or situations

128

Expectations are about them what you'd like them to do how you hope they will show up for you

129

What would make you happy?

130

Boundaries are what protect your standards and your standards are what protect your lived experience standards are enforced by walking away.

131

Expectations are communicated.

132

Then you see if they can meet them.

133

You can have unmet expectations and stay in a relationship, but a violated standard, you walk.

134

I'm sorry to be so precise about this, but this distinction is so important when it comes to relationships, work, friendships, family, everything.

135

And it's also the reason why a lot of young women get confused when they're dating because they feel happy,

136

yet their friends tell them that he's not doing enough or whatever.

137

I don't want to make this episode about relationships and dating, but if this is something you're interested in,

138

please let me know in the comments because I definitely have a lot to say.

139

So getting back on track, how do we actually set standards in life in a way that sticks?

140

I think there are four areas to focus on.

141

Friendships, love, career, and how you live life.

142

Standards and friendship.

143

Real friendships should be reciprocal.

144

not transactional, reciprocal.

145

You shouldn't be the only one initiating plans, the only one checking in,

146

the only one who is celebrating their wins or shows up during hard times.

147

I had to learn this the hard way when I went through a massive friendship breakup, multiple friendships at the same time,

148

and it was painful, but it also showed me who these women really were.

149

Standards in love.

150

This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?

151

We've been taught that having standards in dating makes us picky, difficult, that we'll end up alone if we don't lower our expectations,

152

but the right person won't make you feel like you're asking for too much.

153

They'll make you feel like you deserve even more than what you're asking for.

154

The same goes for work and how you treat yourself.

155

Most of us know we deserve better, but we don't act that way because knowing and acting are two different things.

156

So step one is to get clear on your non -negotiables.

157

You need to know what you will and won't accept.

158

And I mean really, really know.

159

Sit down and write it out for friendships, relationships, career, and life.

160

Not what you think you should want, what you actually need.

161

For me, some of mine were I want a relationship with someone who knows how to initiate quality time.

162

I want friendships with people who know how to genuinely celebrate my success and cheer for me.

163

I will not tolerate friendships with people who condone conflicting moral values like lying and cheating.

164

I will not stay at a job where I am disrespected and undervalued.

165

Get specific, get honest, get real with yourself.

166

Step two, communicate your standards without apologizing.

167

This is where most people get stuck.

168

They set standards internally, but they never actually communicate them because they think everyone should know.

169

But remember I said your high standards could be someone else's bare minimum?

170

Same thing.

171

Some people are just not on the same page as you.

172

And you have to communicate and then observe.

173

You have to be willing to say, I'm not comfortable with that.

174

That doesn't work for me.

175

I need more than what you're offering.

176

And you have to say it without over explaining or apologizing or making yourself small to make them more comfortable.

177

Your standards aren't up for negotiation.

178

That's why they're non -negotiables.

179

They're simply the terms and conditions under which you engage.

180

Step three, be willing to walk away.

181

This is the hardest part, but also the part that will change your life completely.

182

Having standards means nothing if you're not willing to enforce them.

183

If someone consistently violates your boundaries, you have to be willing to walk away, even if you love them,

184

even if it's uncomfortable, even if you're scared of being alone.

185

It can be brutal and cutthroat, but this is how you ensure you only have the right people in your life.

186

Because if you're a lover girl like me, we are people who appreciate second chances, but a lot of people don't.

187

And the more you give chances, the more they think you don't value yourself rather than show gratitude for your forgiveness or generosity.

188

So please pay attention.

189

When I finally started walking away from situations that didn't serve me, instead of giving them opportunities to do me wrong again,

190

the job that disrespected me, I quit and found something better.

191

The friendships that were one -sided, I let them go and then I found my girls the relationship

192

that made me feel unworthy I left and found a man who makes me feel so cherished and step four

193

Do your inner work

194

You cannot sustain high standards with low self -worth period

195

I had to do the work the girls I worked with had to do the work

196

My friends who dated bad men or got burnt out at work had to do the work

197

The therapy the journaling the reading the nervous system regulation the shadow work all of it

198

Because if you don't genuinely believe you deserve better, you'll self -sabotage every time you get close to having it.

199

Healing isn't optional if you want to live a high standard life.

200

It's the foundation.

201

And I know what you're thinking because I thought it too.

202

But what if I end up alone?

203

What if no one can meet my standards?

204

What if I'm asking for too much?

205

I'm going to go back and say, get clear on your standards versus expectations.

206

If you can meet your own standards, so can other people.

207

As for ending up alone, babe, you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone if those people don't actually see you,

208

value you, or show up for you.

209

I'd rather have an empty room than a room full of people who make me feel empty.

210

Here's what I want you to take away from this.

211

Setting standards is learning to be discerning.

212

You're not building up walls to ice people out.

213

You're building a life where you feel safe, valued, and genuinely happy.

214

And it starts with a decision to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you have to be less.

215

You don't need permission to want more.

216

You don't need permission to expect better.

217

You don't need permission to walk away from anything or anyone who doesn't honor who you're becoming.

218

So your homework for this week, I want you to identify one area of your life where you've been settling.

219

Just one, okay?

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Maybe it's a friendship that's been one -sided for months.

221

Maybe it's a job that stopped serving you years ago.

222

Maybe it's how you talk to yourself when no one else is listening.

223

Pick one and then ask yourself, what would a woman who values herself do in this situation?

224

And then try to do that.

225

Even if it's hard, even if it's scary.

226

It doesn't have to be dramatic or perfect.

227

It just has to be honest because your life is too short

228

and too precious to spend it making yourself smaller for people who will never appreciate how big your heart actually is.

229

That's all the cake I have for you today.

230

Thank you so much for watching until the end.

231

I appreciate it so much and

232

if you enjoyed our little talk today please like subscribe

233

and leave a comment to share your thoughts and I'll see you in the next episode

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このレッスンの語彙とスピーキングのポイント

このスピーキングレッスンは、動画「having standards will change your life」を教材にしています。この動画には、シャドーイング用の文が233文、単語が2919語あります。音声の長さは15:40です。話す速さは速く、1分あたり約186語です。音のつながりや弱く発音される音が多くなります。単語の86%は英語の頻出3,000語に含まれます。残りは練習の前に確認しておきましょう。

この動画の重要語彙

動画に出てくる覚えておきたい単語15語を、発音と意味つきで紹介します。

単語	発音	意味
friendship 名詞	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	友情, 友好
expectation 名詞	/ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/	期待, 予想
settle 動詞	/ˈsɛtəl/	解決する
communicate 動詞	/kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/	伝える
boundary 名詞	/ˈbaʊndɹi/	境界, 境
scare 動詞	/skɛɚ/	威かす, 驚かす
worthy 形容詞	/ˈwɝ.ði/	値する
uncomfortable 形容詞	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	心地よくない
apologize 動詞	/əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/	謝る, 詫びる
subscribe 動詞	/səbˈskɹaɪb/	購読する
rebuild 動詞	/ɹiːˈbɪld/	建て直す, 再建する
tolerate 動詞	/ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/	黙認する
negotiation 名詞	/nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/	交渉
violate 動詞	/ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/	破る, 違う
initiate 動詞	/ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/	始める, 取り掛かる

動画に出てくる句動詞

単語	意味
blow up 動詞	爆破する, 爆発する
dress up 動詞	着飾る
go back 動詞	戻る, 帰る
let down 動詞	失望させる
show up 動詞	現れる
sit down 動詞	座る, 腰掛ける

繰り返し練習したい文

動画に出てくる短く完結した文です。日常会話でそのまま使えます。

Stop me if you've heard this one.
What would make you happy?
This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
What if no one can meet my standards?
What if I'm asking for too much?

この動画の文法

話し手がよく使っている文型を、動画の実際の表現とともに紹介します。

文型	動画での表現
関係詞節 who / which + 節 — 人や物について情報を加える	someone who made · people who shouldn · men who were
受動態 be + 過去分詞 — 誰がするかより、何が起きるかに焦点を当てる	was felt · can't be let · be treated
現在完了形 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去の出来事が今も関係している	you've heard · we've overcomplicated · have followed

注意したい発音

話し手はyou're, don't, I'mなど、短縮形や弱形を101回使っています。聞こえたとおりの短い形で発音しましょう。

「th」の音: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, cutthroat /ˈkʌtθɹəʊt/, thoughtfulness /ˈθɔt.f(ə)l.nəs/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
「sh」と「zh」の音: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/
長い単語（アクセントの位置に注意）: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

日本語話者が苦手な音：

/r/ と /l/ の区別 — /l/ は舌先を歯茎につけ、/r/ はどこにもつけない: rebuild /ɹiːˈbɪld/, tolerate /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/, moral /ˈmoɹəl/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, salary /ˈsæləɹi/
/v/ — /b/ にならないように、上の歯を下唇に当てる: violate /ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/, survival /sɚˈvaɪ.vəl/, versus /ˈvɝsəs/, convince /kənˈvɪns/, lover /ˈlʌvɚ/
/f/ — 「フ」ではなく、上の歯と下唇で出す: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, enforce /ɪnˈfoɹs/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, belief /bɪˈliːf/

この動画での練習方法

まず声を出さずに動画を最後まで聞き、知らない単語をメモします。
まず0.75倍速で一文ずつシャドーイングし、慣れてきたら通常の速度に戻します。
自分の声を録音して元の音声と比べます。friendship, expectation, settleなどの単語に特に注意しましょう。

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由

シャドーイング（Shadowing）は、もともとプロの通訳者養成プログラムで開発された言語学習法で、多言語習得者として知られるDr. Alexander Arguelles によって広く普及されました。方法はシンプルですが非常に効果的：ネイティブスピーカーの英語を聞きながら、1〜2秒の遅延で声に出してすぐに繰り返す——まるで「影（shadow）」のように話者を追いかけます。文法ドリルや受動的なリスニングと異なり、シャドーイングは脳と口の筋肉が同時にリアルタイムで英語を処理・再現することを強制します。研究により、発音精度、抑揚、リズム、連音、リスニング力、そして会話の流暢さが大幅に向上することが確認されています。IELTSスピーキング対策や自然な英語コミュニケーションを目指す方に特におすすめです。

シャドーイングのやり方: ステップ別の完全ガイドを読む →

シャドーイング練習: having standards will change your life | non-negotiables, self worth, settling - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ

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このレッスンの語彙とスピーキングのポイント

この動画の重要語彙

動画に出てくる句動詞

繰り返し練習したい文

この動画の文法

注意したい発音

この動画での練習方法

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由