跟讀練習: having standards will change your life | non-negotiables, self worth, settling - 通過影片學習英語口語
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233 句
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1
Stop me if you've heard this one.
這段你可能聽過，先打斷我一下。
2
You're the strong friend, the independent girlfriend, the reliable employee, and somehow you're also the most exhausted,
你是那個堅強的朋友、獨立的女友、可靠的員工，不知怎麼的，你同時也是最疲憊的那一個。
3
underappreciated person in every room you walk into.
不管走進哪個房間，他都是那個總被低估的人。
4
Weird how that works, right?
這麼運作還真奇怪，對吧？
5
Hi muses!
嗨，繆思們！
6
Welcome back to my channel where we talk about how women can have their cake and eat it too.
歡迎回到我的頻道，我們在這裡討論女性如何能夠魚與熊掌兼得。
7
I'm your host Nadine and I'm here to rebuild the village women once had
我是主持人納丁，今天我要帶大家重建過去那個屬於女性的村落。
8
so we can have the right conversations and create lives that feel as good as it looks.
這樣我們才能進行正確的對話，創造出和看起來一樣美好的生活。
9
Please like, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don't miss anything.
請按讚、訂閱並開啟通知鈴鐺，才不會錯過任何更新。
10
You know what nobody tells you about your 20s or your 30s?
你知道沒有人會告訴你關於20多歲和30多歲的事是什麼嗎？
11
That the hardest part isn't actually figuring out what you want.
最難的部分其實不是弄清楚自己想要什麼。
12
Yes, I know, crazy, right?
對啊，我知道，很瘋狂對吧？
13
Because when you feel a little bit lost and directionless, that's all you care about.
因為當你感到有點迷惘、找不到方向的時候，那就是你唯一在意的事。
14
But the hardest part is having enough self -love to give yourself permission to have standards in life.
但最難的部分，是擁有足夠的自愛，允許自己在生活中設立標準。
15
Because there's so much self -negotiation and bargaining that even after you know exactly what you want,
因為內心會有非常多自我拉扯與反覆權衡，就算你已經完全清楚自己想要什麼，
16
you might not even go for it because you don't feel worthy of actually having it.
你甚至可能不會去爭取，因為你覺得自己不配擁有那個東西。
17
So you settle, you accept friendships that drain you, relationships where you're the only one trying, jobs that pay you well, but cost you your piece.
所以你選擇妥協，接受那些會消耗你的友誼、只有你一個人在努力的感情，還有那些薪水不錯卻讓你失去自我的工作。
18
And you tell yourself, it's fine that you're being realistic, low maintenance, chill.
然後你告訴自己，你只是務實、不麻煩、隨和一點，這沒什麼不好。
19
That was me and maybe all of my twenties.
那就是我，大概整個二十多歲的時期都是那樣。
20
But as it turns out, I wasn't any of those things.
但事後證明，我根本不是那樣的人。
21
I was just scared that if I asked for more or desired more, I'd end up with nothing at all.
我那時候只是很害怕，如果我要求更多、或是想要更多，最後反而會什麼都得不到。
22
So today, we're talking about something I wish someone had told me years ago.
所以今天我們要來談談一件我真希望多年前就有人告訴我的事。
23
How to set standards that honor who you're becoming, not who you used to be.
如何訂立能夠彰顯未來的自己、而非過去的自己的標準。
24
And more importantly, how to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you're shrinking just to fit,
更重要的是，要如何停止勉強接受那些讓你覺得自己得壓抑本性、才能配合環境的處境
25
but you're too scared to take that next step.
但你太害怕跨出下一步了。
26
As always, we don't gatekeep, so let's step into it.
我們向來都不會藏私，所以就直接開始吧。
27
Let me start with a little confession that's going to totally expose me in my pick -me era.
先讓我坦白一件事，這件事絕對會把我那種「討好別人」的過去完全出賣。
28
There was a time in my life where I convinced myself
我人生中曾有一段時期，我說服自己
29
that having low standards meant I was mature and cool because I didn't need much.
把標準訂得低，就代表我很成熟又很隨和，因為我不需要太多東西。
30
That being chill meant comfortably splitting every bill down to the penny, never asking for help because I could do it myself,
那種「隨和」的定義，是每筆帳都要精算到一分錢、各自付得清清楚楚，絕不開口求助，因為我覺得自己的事自己搞定就好。
31
accepting breadcrumb friendships where I was always the one reaching out and making excuses for them, and that all of this was just normal.
接受那種總是只有我主動聯絡、還要幫對方找藉口的點心式友誼，並且認為這一切都再正常不過。
32
But I had this nagging feeling that something was off.
但我一直有個揮之不去的感覺，覺得哪裡不太對勁。
33
You know when you hang out with a friend and afterwards you just feel kind of icky,
你知道那種跟朋友出去之後，心裡就會有點怪怪不舒服的感覺嗎
34
like the interaction didn't add to your life, it just drained you?
就像是這段互動根本沒有為你的生活帶來任何益處，反而只會讓你覺得被消耗、精疲力竭？
35
I had that feeling everywhere.
我到哪裡都有那種感覺。
36
My friendships, my relationship, my job.
我的友情、我的感情、我的工作。
37
Of course I knew something was off, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.
我當然知道有哪裡不太對勁，但就是說不出到底是什麼問題。
38
And turns out it was standards or the complete lack of them
結果發現問題出在標準規範，或者說是完全沒有任何標準。
39
but it had me in a gridlock
但這讓我陷入了僵局
40
because on one end I felt like demanding more didn't feel right like I shouldn't be asking for more
因為一方面我覺得要求更多好像不太對，就好像我不應該再索取更多一樣。
41
and it kind of also went against the whole cool girl thing
而且這也有點違反了所謂「酷女孩」的整個形象
42
but staying where I was felt even worse I remember
但我記得，留在原地的感覺還要更糟
43
I was dating someone who made four times my income at the time
當時我正在和一個收入是我四倍的人交往
44
I was working two full -time jobs barely making 70k in salary mind you I live in the Bay Area
我當時打兩份全職工，薪水勉強才七萬美元，而且你要知道我住在舊金山灣區啊
45
so 70k wasn't a lot and I think after rent, bills, groceries, and putting my money into my 401k, I had like $600 left every month.
所以七萬美元其實不算多，我記得扣掉房租、帳單、雜貨開銷，再把錢存進401k之後，每個月大概只會剩下600美元左右。
46
But he was all about splitting everything 50 -50 because his words, not mine, I was a strong, independent woman.
但他堅持所有費用都要五五分帳，因為他說，我是個堅強又獨立的女性，這是他的說法，不是我說的。
47
And I believed his logic and wore that label like a badge of honor.
而我當時相信了他的說法，還把那個標籤當成榮譽勳章一樣掛在身上。
48
While things weren't actually 50 -50 in our relationship, I cooked, I cleaned, he was always over at my apartment,
雖然我們的感情裡實際上並不是五五平分，我負責煮飯、打掃，而他也幾乎都待在我的公寓，
49
and I never asked him to do anything
而且我從來沒有要求他做過任何事
50
because he made it feel like asking him to help was like admitting that I wasn't capable.
因為他讓人覺得，請他幫忙就等於承認我自己沒有能力。
51
That was not independence, okay?
那根本就不是獨立，好嗎？
52
That was both survival mode, dressed up as feminism, and him completely taking advantage of my care and love.
那既是偽裝成女權主義的生存模式，也是他在徹底利用我的關心與愛。
53
And I think a lot of us do this, right?
我覺得我們很多人都會這樣，對吧？
54
We confuse having no standards with being low maintenance.
我們常把沒有原則誤以為是隨和好相處。
55
We think that if we don't ask for much, we won't be disappointed.
我們總覺得，只要要求不高，就不會失望。
56
If we don't expect anything, we can't be let down, or we would be more desirable because we're easygoing.
如果我們沒有任何期待，就不會感到失望，或者說，我們會因為隨和的個性而更受歡迎。
57
But here's the uncomfortable truth.
但這裡有個令人難以接受的事實。
58
When you have no standards, you're not protecting yourself from disappointment.
當你沒有任何標準時，你根本無法保護自己免於失望。
59
You're guaranteeing it.
你保證過的。
60
You're allowing yourself to have low quality life experiences.
你正放任自己過著品質不佳的生活體驗。
61
You're allowing people who shouldn't even be in your life have an opportunity to have access to you
你正讓那些根本不該出現在你生命中的人，有機會靠近你、影響你。
62
because people will meet you exactly where you set the bar.
因為人們對你的表現期待，會完全取決於你自己設定的標準。
63
And if your bar is on the floor, that is where they will find you.
要是你把標準降得太低，他們就會在那個水準找到你。
64
I learned this the hard way across every area of my life in friendships
我在生活中的每個層面，包括友誼，都吃過苦才學到這個教訓。
65
I had girls who would call me up at 2 a .m
以前有女生會在凌晨兩點打電話給我。
66
when they needed something or they were crying
當他們有需求或是在哭鬧的時候
67
but somehow never had time to celebrate my wins
但不知道為什麼，我從來沒有時間慶祝自己的成就
68
or they'd talk behind each other's backs and what started out feeling like closeness
不然他們就會在背後說彼此壞話，而原本那種親密的感覺
69
because I thought they were sharing with me their inner thoughts turned into suspicion
原本以為他們是在跟我分享內心話，沒想到最後卻變成了懷疑。
70
that they did the same to me when i wasn't in the room
他們在我不在場的時候，也對我做了同樣的事
71
which i later confirmed was actually true
後來我證實這件事確實是真的
72
or before i quit my tech job i had
或者說，在我辭掉科技業工作之前，我原本有
73
so many boundaries crossed
這已經越過太多界線了
74
and i just accepted it anything
而我就只是接受了所有事。
75
you think a young asian girl working in a male -dominated field can experience
你覺得在男性主導的領域工作的年輕亞洲女性可能會遇到什麼樣的狀況
76
i did i thought speaking up would make me lose my job
我有，我那時候以為說出來會讓我丟掉工作
77
so i thought keeping quiet made things safe
所以我那時候以為保持沉默就能讓一切安全
78
that i could just brush things off
我要是能就這麼把事情當作沒發生過就好了
79
and it'll stop happening shout out to my work dad who immediately reported to hr even though i was terrified
這種事就不會再發生了。特別感謝我辦公室的前輩，儘管我當時嚇壞了，他還是立刻向人資部門通報。
80
and obviously in relationships.
而且很明顯地，在人際關係中也是如此。
81
I dated men who were emotionally unavailable, stingy only when it came to me
我曾和那些情感上無法投入、只對我小氣的男人交往過。
82
and somehow made me feel like I was asking for too much when all I wanted was care, thoughtfulness, effort, and respect.
而且不知為什麼，這讓我覺得自己要求太多，但其實我想要的只不過是關心、體貼、用心和尊重而已。
83
And through all of it, I told myself the same lie.
而在這一切當中，我對自己說了同樣的謊言。
84
This is just how it is.
事情就是這樣。
85
This is the best I can do.
這是我能做到的極限了。
86
If I could do better or have better in life, it would have happened already,
如果我當時能做得更好、或是擁有更好的人生，那早就發生了。
87
which is honestly the worst self -pitying limiting belief my little aha moment came in a chain of revelations okay
說真的，這根本是最嚴重的自憐式限制性信念，而我的小頓悟，是一連串覺察的其中一環，懂吧。
88
because I finally got real with myself
因為我終於正視自己了
89
and was like I'd rather be single forever than be with a selfish man
然後就說，我寧願一輩子單身，也不要跟自私的男人在一起
90
I'd rather clean cleats at a cycling studio than stay in a soul -sucking corporate job
我寧可在單車工作室清潔自行車鞋，也不願意待在一份讓人靈魂空虛的企業工作裡。
91
which is exactly what I did by the way I quit everything
順便說一下，我就是這麼做的，我把所有事情都辭掉了。
92
and worked at a cycling studio for six months while I rebuilt my life from scratch.
我在一間單車工作室工作了六個月，同時從頭開始重建自己的生活。
93
Total woo -woo manifestation story of how I found my next opportunity, but we'll save that for another episode.
這完全是個充滿玄學吸引力法則的故事，講我是怎麼找到下一個機會的，不過我們留到下一集再說。
94
Like I was saying, I realized all these things I held
就像我剛才說的，我終於明白我一直以來堅持的這些事
95
so close to me and refused to let go was doing me more harm than good.
一直緊黏著我不肯放手，對我來說其實弊多於利。
96
And I would rather be without than be with, which I'm not going to lie.
老實說，我寧願單身也不願跟人交往。
97
It took a huge amount of courage to just be like, F this.
光是說出「去他的」就需要極大的勇氣。
98
I literally blew up my old life.
我真的把從前的生活整個推翻了。
99
But when I finally ended things, with a man, with a job, with a friend, I felt this surge of energy.
但當我終於結束一段關係——不論是和某個男人、一份工作，還是一位朋友——我都會感受到一股能量湧現。
100
Like I was finally me again.
就好像我終於又做回自己了。
101
And I had the longest, most relieving cry because I was so happy that I finally chose myself.
我哭了好久好久，那是最解脫的一次哭泣，因為我終於選擇了自己，實在太開心了。
102
I had been dimming myself for
我一直以來都在壓抑自己的光芒
103
so long just to make room for people who didn't even appreciate the space I was giving them.
就只是為了給那些根本不懂得珍惜我讓出空間的人騰出位置，實在太不值得了。
104
And that breakup kicked off everything.
而那次分手就是一切的開端。
105
So I wanted to talk about standards today because I think we've overcomplicated this.
今天我想談談標準這件事，因為我覺得我們把這件事搞得太複雜了。
106
Standards aren't about being high maintenance or difficult or demanding.
設定標準並不是指難以取悅、不好相處或是要求過多。
107
They're not about making people jump through hoops to prove they are worthy of you.
他們不會刻意讓人百般刁難，要對方證明自己配得上你。
108
Standards are simply the baseline of how you expect to be treated based on how you treat yourself.
標準只不過是你根據自己對待自己的方式，所期望得到對待的基準。
109
Let me say that again because this is important.
我再說一次，因為這很重要。
110
Your standards are a reflection of your self -worth.
你的標準就是你自我價值的體現。
111
They're the boundary between what you will accept and what you won't, between what nourishes you and what depletes you.
它們是你願意接受與不願接受之間的界線，也是能滋養你與會消耗你之間的界線。
112
So when you don't have standards, you're not actually being easygoing.
所以當你沒有任何堅持的標準時，你其實根本不是隨和。
113
You're just telling the world, I don't value myself enough to require you to value me either.
你這只會告訴全世界，我根本不夠重視自己，所以也沒資格要求你重視我。
114
Those of you who have followed me for a while know that I started off doing social media talking about relationships,
追蹤我一段時間的人都知道，我一開始是在社群媒體上談論感情議題的。
115
femininity, dating, setting high standards, et cetera.
女性特質、約會、設定高標準等等。
116
But the missing part of the conversation was always around having real standards based on self -worth
但這段對話中始終缺少的部分，是圍繞著建立在自我價值之上的真正標準。
117
and not just what you think you should have, based on what you think women with high standards are like.
而不是只根據你認為高標準女性的樣子，去想像自己「應該」擁有什麼。
118
Because what you think is high standards or high maintenance could be the bare minimum for another woman, and that's totally fine.
因為你覺得是高標準或難伺候的要求，對其他女性來說可能只是最基本的底線，這完全沒有問題。
119
Same goes with friendships and careers and everything else in life.
友情、事業以及人生中的其他所有事情也都是如此。
120
And here's the nuance.
而這裡有個細微差別。
121
Standards and expectations are not the same.
標準與期望並不相同。
122
Standards are your baseline.
標準是你的基準。
123
They're the non -negotiable threshold of how you allow yourself to be treated based on your self -worth.
這些界線是你根據自我價值所訂下、不容妥協的對待底線。
124
Standards are about you, What you will accept what you won't tolerate what you require to feel valued and respected
標準與你有關，是你願意接受什麼、無法容忍什麼，以及你需要什麼才能感受到被重視與尊重。
125
They are the floor not the ceiling
他們是底線，不是上限。
126
Expectations are your desires
期待就是你的渴望
127
They're the specific things you hope for or want from other people or situations
這些是你對他人或特定情境所抱持的具體期待或想要得到的東西。
128
Expectations are about them what you'd like them to do how you hope they will show up for you
所謂期待，就是你希望對方做什麼、以及你期盼對方會用什麼樣的方式對待你。
129
What would make you happy?
什麼會讓你開心？
130
Boundaries are what protect your standards and your standards are what protect your lived experience standards are enforced by walking away.
界線是用來保護你的標準，而你的標準則是用來保護你的真實生活體驗；而執行這些標準的方式，就是選擇離開。
131
Expectations are communicated.
期望已明確傳達。
132
Then you see if they can meet them.
接著你再看看他們能不能達成這些要求。
133
You can have unmet expectations and stay in a relationship, but a violated standard, you walk.
你可以接受關係中存在未被滿足的期待而繼續走下去，但一旦底線被觸犯，就該離開。
134
I'm sorry to be so precise about this, but this distinction is so important when it comes to relationships, work, friendships, family, everything.
很抱歉我對這件事這麼講究，但這項區分在感情、工作、友情、家庭，還有所有事情上都非常重要。
135
And it's also the reason why a lot of young women get confused when they're dating because they feel happy,
這也是為什麼很多年輕女性在約會時會感到困惑的原因，因為她們覺得很開心，
136
yet their friends tell them that he's not doing enough or whatever.
但他們的朋友卻跟她說，他做得還不夠之類的。
137
I don't want to make this episode about relationships and dating, but if this is something you're interested in,
我不想要把這一集的主題圍繞在感情和約會上面，但如果你對這方面有興趣的話，
138
please let me know in the comments because I definitely have a lot to say.
請在留言區告訴我，因為我絕對有很多話想說。
139
So getting back on track, how do we actually set standards in life in a way that sticks?
回到正題，我們究竟要如何在生活中建立能夠確實堅持下去的標準？
140
I think there are four areas to focus on.
我認為有四個領域需要著重。
141
Friendships, love, career, and how you live life.
友情、愛情、事業，以及你生活的方式。
142
Standards and friendship.
標準與友誼。
143
Real friendships should be reciprocal.
真正的友誼應該是互惠的。
144
not transactional, reciprocal.
不是交易性的，而是互惠的。
145
You shouldn't be the only one initiating plans, the only one checking in,
不應該只有你一個人在主動安排計畫、主動關心對方近況
146
the only one who is celebrating their wins or shows up during hard times.
唯一會慶祝自己勝利、或是在困境中現身的人。
147
I had to learn this the hard way when I went through a massive friendship breakup, multiple friendships at the same time,
我是慘痛學到這個教訓的，當時我同時和好幾個朋友徹底決裂，經歷了一場大規模的友情分手。
148
and it was painful, but it also showed me who these women really were.
那真的很痛苦，但也讓我看清了這些女性的真實樣貌。
149
Standards in love.
愛情裡的標準。
150
This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
這正是我們多數人最掙扎的地方，不是嗎？
151
We've been taught that having standards in dating makes us picky, difficult, that we'll end up alone if we don't lower our expectations,
我們一直被灌輸一個觀念，就是在約會時設有標準會讓人變得挑剔、難搞，如果不降低自己的期望，最後就會孤獨終老。
152
but the right person won't make you feel like you're asking for too much.
但對的人不會讓你覺得自己要求太多。
153
They'll make you feel like you deserve even more than what you're asking for.
他們會讓你覺得自己值得擁有的，甚至比你現在要求的還要更多。
154
The same goes for work and how you treat yourself.
這同樣適用於工作以及你對待自己的方式。
155
Most of us know we deserve better, but we don't act that way because knowing and acting are two different things.
我們多數人都知道自己值得更好的對待，卻沒有付諸行動，因為知道和做到根本是兩回事。
156
So step one is to get clear on your non -negotiables.
所以第一步是先確定你絕對不能妥協的條件。
157
You need to know what you will and won't accept.
你必須清楚知道自己能接受什麼、不能接受什麼。
158
And I mean really, really know.
我說的是那種真的、真的很了解的程度。
159
Sit down and write it out for friendships, relationships, career, and life.
坐下來，把友誼、感情關係、事業與人生這幾個面向都寫下來。
160
Not what you think you should want, what you actually need.
不是你認為自己應該想要的東西，而是你實際上真正需要的東西。
161
For me, some of mine were I want a relationship with someone who knows how to initiate quality time.
對我來說，我的其中一些條件是，我希望和懂得主動安排優質相處時間的人交往。
162
I want friendships with people who know how to genuinely celebrate my success and cheer for me.
我想要和那些懂得真心為我的成功慶祝、為我加油的人建立友誼。
163
I will not tolerate friendships with people who condone conflicting moral values like lying and cheating.
我不會容忍和那些縱容說謊、欺騙這類與我道德觀相悖的人維持友誼。
164
I will not stay at a job where I am disrespected and undervalued.
我不會留在一個不尊重我、也不重視我的工作崗位上。
165
Get specific, get honest, get real with yourself.
具體一點、誠實一點，對自己真實一點。
166
Step two, communicate your standards without apologizing.
第二步，無需道歉地說明你的標準。
167
This is where most people get stuck.
大多數人就是在這裡卡關的。
168
They set standards internally, but they never actually communicate them because they think everyone should know.
他們內部訂定了標準，卻從來沒有實際對外說明，因為他們認為大家本來就應該知道。
169
But remember I said your high standards could be someone else's bare minimum?
但還記得我說過，你眼中的高標準，對別人來說可能只是最基本的門檻嗎？
170
Same thing.
一樣的。
171
Some people are just not on the same page as you.
有些人就是跟你意見不合。
172
And you have to communicate and then observe.
你必須先溝通，然後再觀察。
173
You have to be willing to say, I'm not comfortable with that.
你必須願意說出：「我對這件事感到不舒服。」
174
That doesn't work for me.
那個對我沒有用。
175
I need more than what you're offering.
我需要的比你提供的還要多。
176
And you have to say it without over explaining or apologizing or making yourself small to make them more comfortable.
而且你說出來的時候，不能過度解釋、不能道歉，也不能為了讓對方好過就貶低自己。
177
Your standards aren't up for negotiation.
你的標準是不容協商的。
178
That's why they're non -negotiables.
這就是為什麼這些條件是不容協商的。
179
They're simply the terms and conditions under which you engage.
這些只不過是你參與時須遵守的條款與條件。
180
Step three, be willing to walk away.
第三步，要有放手離開的勇氣。
181
This is the hardest part, but also the part that will change your life completely.
這是最困難的部分，卻也是會徹底改變你人生的部分。
182
Having standards means nothing if you're not willing to enforce them.
訂有標準卻不願執行，根本毫無意義。
183
If someone consistently violates your boundaries, you have to be willing to walk away, even if you love them,
如果有人持續侵犯你的界線，你就必須願意離開，即使你愛著對方。
184
even if it's uncomfortable, even if you're scared of being alone.
就算這讓你感到不適，就算你害怕獨自一人。
185
It can be brutal and cutthroat, but this is how you ensure you only have the right people in your life.
這可能很殘酷又無情，但這就是確保你生命中只留下對的人的方法。
186
Because if you're a lover girl like me, we are people who appreciate second chances, but a lot of people don't.
因為如果你跟我一樣是個相信愛情的人，我們這種人會珍惜第二次機會，但很多人並不會。
187
And the more you give chances, the more they think you don't value yourself rather than show gratitude for your forgiveness or generosity.
你給對方的機會越多，他們反而越會覺得你不懂得珍惜自己，而不會因為你的寬容或慷慨心懷感激。
188
So please pay attention.
所以請注意。
189
When I finally started walking away from situations that didn't serve me, instead of giving them opportunities to do me wrong again,
當我終於開始遠離那些對我沒有益處的處境，不再給它們機會再次傷害我時，
190
the job that disrespected me, I quit and found something better.
那個不尊重我的工作，我辭掉了，然後找到更好的了。
191
The friendships that were one -sided, I let them go and then I found my girls the relationship
那些單方面付出的友誼，我都放手了，然後我才找到真正屬於我的閨蜜，這才是對等的關係。
192
that made me feel unworthy I left and found a man who makes me feel so cherished and step four
這讓我覺得自己不配被愛，於是我離開了，找到了一個讓我備受疼愛的男人，然後是第四步。
193
Do your inner work
進行你的內在修練
194
You cannot sustain high standards with low self -worth period
自我價值感低落的人，不可能長期維持高標準，這是不變的事實。
195
I had to do the work the girls I worked with had to do the work
我得做那些和我一起工作的女同事該做的工作。
196
My friends who dated bad men or got burnt out at work had to do the work
那些遇過壞男人、或是在工作上累到崩潰的朋友，都得靠自己努力調整過來。
197
The therapy the journaling the reading the nervous system regulation the shadow work all of it
治療、日記書寫、閱讀、神經系統調節、陰影工作，所有這些方法。
198
Because if you don't genuinely believe you deserve better, you'll self -sabotage every time you get close to having it.
199
Healing isn't optional if you want to live a high standard life.
200
It's the foundation.
201
And I know what you're thinking because I thought it too.
202
But what if I end up alone?
203
What if no one can meet my standards?
204
What if I'm asking for too much?
205
I'm going to go back and say, get clear on your standards versus expectations.
206
If you can meet your own standards, so can other people.
207
As for ending up alone, babe, you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone if those people don't actually see you,
208
value you, or show up for you.
209
I'd rather have an empty room than a room full of people who make me feel empty.
210
Here's what I want you to take away from this.
211
Setting standards is learning to be discerning.
212
You're not building up walls to ice people out.
213
You're building a life where you feel safe, valued, and genuinely happy.
214
And it starts with a decision to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you have to be less.
215
You don't need permission to want more.
216
You don't need permission to expect better.
217
You don't need permission to walk away from anything or anyone who doesn't honor who you're becoming.
218
So your homework for this week, I want you to identify one area of your life where you've been settling.
219
Just one, okay?
220
Maybe it's a friendship that's been one -sided for months.
221
Maybe it's a job that stopped serving you years ago.
222
Maybe it's how you talk to yourself when no one else is listening.
223
Pick one and then ask yourself, what would a woman who values herself do in this situation?
224
And then try to do that.
225
Even if it's hard, even if it's scary.
226
It doesn't have to be dramatic or perfect.
227
It just has to be honest because your life is too short
228
and too precious to spend it making yourself smaller for people who will never appreciate how big your heart actually is.
229
That's all the cake I have for you today.
230
Thank you so much for watching until the end.
231
I appreciate it so much and
232
if you enjoyed our little talk today please like subscribe
233
and leave a comment to share your thoughts and I'll see you in the next episode
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本課的詞彙與口語要點
這節口語課以影片“having standards will change your life”為素材。 這段影片共有 233 個句子、2919 個單詞可供跟讀。 講話部分時長為 15:40。 說話人語速較快，每分鐘約 186 個詞，會出現較多連讀和弱讀。 86% 的單詞屬於英語最常用的 3,000 詞，其餘的詞建議在練習前先學一下。
影片中的重點詞彙
影片中 15 個值得學習的單詞，附發音和釋義：
| 單詞 | 發音 | 釋義 |
|---|---|---|
| friendship 名詞 | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | 友誼 /友誼, 友情 |
| expectation 名詞 | /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/ | 等待 |
| boundary 名詞 | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | 邊界 /邊界 |
| scare 動詞 | /skɛɚ/ | 嚇唬 /嚇唬, 使害怕 |
| worthy 形容詞 | /ˈwɝ.ði/ | 配稱 /配稱 |
| uncomfortable 形容詞 | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | 不舒服 |
| chill 動詞 | /tʃɪl/ | 使變冷 |
| apologize 動詞 | /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/ | 道歉 |
| subscribe 動詞 | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | 簽署 /簽署 |
| enforce 動詞 | /ɪnˈfoɹs/ | 實施 /實施, 執行 /執行 |
| rebuild 動詞 | /ɹiːˈbɪld/ | 重建, 再建 |
| tolerate 動詞 | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | 忍受, 熬 |
| negotiation 名詞 | /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | 談判 /談判, 交涉 |
| violate 動詞 | /ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/ | 違反 /違反, 違犯 /違犯 |
| baseline 名詞 | /ˈbeɪslaɪn/ | 基綫 /基線 |
影片中出現的短語動詞
| 單詞 | 釋義 |
|---|---|
| end up 動詞 | 到達 |
| turn out 動詞 | 原來 /原來 |
| blow up 動詞 | 炸掉, 爆破 |
| figure out 動詞 | 弄清楚 |
| go back 動詞 | 回去, 返回 |
| go through 動詞 | 通過 /通過 |
| let down 動詞 | 辜負 /辜負, 對不起 /對不起 |
| show up 動詞 | 露面 |
值得反覆跟讀的句子
影片中簡短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常對話裡：
- Stop me if you've heard this one.
- What would make you happy?
- This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
- What if no one can meet my standards?
- What if I'm asking for too much?
影片中的語法
說話人最常用的結構，並附上影片中的原話：
| 結構 | 影片中的用法 |
|---|---|
| 定語從句 who / which + 從句 — 補充說明人或事物 | someone who made · people who shouldn · men who were |
| 被動語態 be + 過去分詞 — 強調發生了什麼，而不是誰做的 | was felt · can't be let · be treated |
| 現在完成時 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去發生但與現在仍有關聯的事 | you've heard · we've overcomplicated · have followed |
需要注意的發音
說話人用了 101 次縮略和弱讀形式，例如 you're, don't, I'm。請按聽到的簡短形式來說。
- “th” 音: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, cutthroat /ˈkʌtθɹəʊt/, thoughtfulness /ˈθɔt.f(ə)l.nəs/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
- “sh” 和 “zh” 音: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/
- 長單詞——注意重音位置: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/
中文母語者容易讀錯的音：
- /v/ — 不要讀成 /w/，上齒輕觸下唇: violate /ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/, survival /sɚˈvaɪ.vəl/, versus /ˈvɝsəs/, convince /kənˈvɪns/, lover /ˈlʌvɚ/
- 詞尾子音 — 要讀清楚，後面不要加母音: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, subscribe /səbˈskɹaɪb/, enforce /ɪnˈfoɹs/
- /r/ 和 /l/ 的區別: rebuild /ɹiːˈbɪld/, tolerate /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/, moral /ˈmoɹəl/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, salary /ˈsæləɹi/
如何用這段影片練習
- 先完整聽一遍影片，不要開口，記下不認識的單詞。
- 先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟讀，熟練之後再回到正常速度。
- 錄下自己的聲音並與原聲對比，特別注意 friendship, expectation, boundary 這類單詞。
什麼是跟讀法？
跟讀法 (Shadowing) 是一種有科學依據的語言學習技巧，最初開發用於專業口譯員的培訓，並由多語言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。這個方法簡單而強大：您在聽英語母語原聲的同時立即大聲重複——就像是一個延遲1-2秒緊跟說話者的影子。與被動聽力或語法練習不同，跟讀法強迫您的大腦和口腔肌肉同時處理並模模擬實的講話模式。研究表明它能顯著提高發音準確性，語調，節奏，連讀，聽力理解和口語流利度——使其成為雅思口語備考和真實英語交流最有效的方法之一。