Практика Shadowing: having standards will change your life | non-negotiables, self worth, settling - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
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Stop me if you've heard this one.
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You're the strong friend, the independent girlfriend, the reliable employee, and somehow you're also the most exhausted,
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underappreciated person in every room you walk into.
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Weird how that works, right?
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Hi muses!
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Welcome back to my channel where we talk about how women can have their cake and eat it too.
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I'm your host Nadine and I'm here to rebuild the village women once had
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so we can have the right conversations and create lives that feel as good as it looks.
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Please like, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don't miss anything.
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You know what nobody tells you about your 20s or your 30s?
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That the hardest part isn't actually figuring out what you want.
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Yes, I know, crazy, right?
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Because when you feel a little bit lost and directionless, that's all you care about.
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But the hardest part is having enough self -love to give yourself permission to have standards in life.
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Because there's so much self -negotiation and bargaining that even after you know exactly what you want,
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you might not even go for it because you don't feel worthy of actually having it.
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So you settle, you accept friendships that drain you, relationships where you're the only one trying, jobs that pay you well, but cost you your piece.
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And you tell yourself, it's fine that you're being realistic, low maintenance, chill.
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That was me and maybe all of my twenties.
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But as it turns out, I wasn't any of those things.
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I was just scared that if I asked for more or desired more, I'd end up with nothing at all.
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So today, we're talking about something I wish someone had told me years ago.
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How to set standards that honor who you're becoming, not who you used to be.
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And more importantly, how to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you're shrinking just to fit,
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but you're too scared to take that next step.
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As always, we don't gatekeep, so let's step into it.
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Let me start with a little confession that's going to totally expose me in my pick -me era.
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There was a time in my life where I convinced myself
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that having low standards meant I was mature and cool because I didn't need much.
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That being chill meant comfortably splitting every bill down to the penny, never asking for help because I could do it myself,
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accepting breadcrumb friendships where I was always the one reaching out and making excuses for them, and that all of this was just normal.
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But I had this nagging feeling that something was off.
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You know when you hang out with a friend and afterwards you just feel kind of icky,
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like the interaction didn't add to your life, it just drained you?
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I had that feeling everywhere.
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My friendships, my relationship, my job.
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Of course I knew something was off, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.
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And turns out it was standards or the complete lack of them
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but it had me in a gridlock
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because on one end I felt like demanding more didn't feel right like I shouldn't be asking for more
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and it kind of also went against the whole cool girl thing
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but staying where I was felt even worse I remember
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I was dating someone who made four times my income at the time
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I was working two full -time jobs barely making 70k in salary mind you I live in the Bay Area
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so 70k wasn't a lot and I think after rent, bills, groceries, and putting my money into my 401k, I had like $600 left every month.
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But he was all about splitting everything 50 -50 because his words, not mine, I was a strong, independent woman.
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And I believed his logic and wore that label like a badge of honor.
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While things weren't actually 50 -50 in our relationship, I cooked, I cleaned, he was always over at my apartment,
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and I never asked him to do anything
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because he made it feel like asking him to help was like admitting that I wasn't capable.
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That was not independence, okay?
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That was both survival mode, dressed up as feminism, and him completely taking advantage of my care and love.
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And I think a lot of us do this, right?
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We confuse having no standards with being low maintenance.
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We think that if we don't ask for much, we won't be disappointed.
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If we don't expect anything, we can't be let down, or we would be more desirable because we're easygoing.
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But here's the uncomfortable truth.
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When you have no standards, you're not protecting yourself from disappointment.
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You're guaranteeing it.
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You're allowing yourself to have low quality life experiences.
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You're allowing people who shouldn't even be in your life have an opportunity to have access to you
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because people will meet you exactly where you set the bar.
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And if your bar is on the floor, that is where they will find you.
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I learned this the hard way across every area of my life in friendships
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I had girls who would call me up at 2 a .m
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when they needed something or they were crying
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but somehow never had time to celebrate my wins
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or they'd talk behind each other's backs and what started out feeling like closeness
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because I thought they were sharing with me their inner thoughts turned into suspicion
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that they did the same to me when i wasn't in the room
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which i later confirmed was actually true
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or before i quit my tech job i had
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so many boundaries crossed
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and i just accepted it anything
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you think a young asian girl working in a male -dominated field can experience
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i did i thought speaking up would make me lose my job
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so i thought keeping quiet made things safe
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that i could just brush things off
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and it'll stop happening shout out to my work dad who immediately reported to hr even though i was terrified
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and obviously in relationships.
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I dated men who were emotionally unavailable, stingy only when it came to me
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and somehow made me feel like I was asking for too much when all I wanted was care, thoughtfulness, effort, and respect.
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And through all of it, I told myself the same lie.
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This is just how it is.
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This is the best I can do.
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If I could do better or have better in life, it would have happened already,
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which is honestly the worst self -pitying limiting belief my little aha moment came in a chain of revelations okay
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because I finally got real with myself
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and was like I'd rather be single forever than be with a selfish man
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I'd rather clean cleats at a cycling studio than stay in a soul -sucking corporate job
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which is exactly what I did by the way I quit everything
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and worked at a cycling studio for six months while I rebuilt my life from scratch.
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Total woo -woo manifestation story of how I found my next opportunity, but we'll save that for another episode.
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Like I was saying, I realized all these things I held
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so close to me and refused to let go was doing me more harm than good.
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And I would rather be without than be with, which I'm not going to lie.
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It took a huge amount of courage to just be like, F this.
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I literally blew up my old life.
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But when I finally ended things, with a man, with a job, with a friend, I felt this surge of energy.
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Like I was finally me again.
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And I had the longest, most relieving cry because I was so happy that I finally chose myself.
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I had been dimming myself for
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so long just to make room for people who didn't even appreciate the space I was giving them.
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And that breakup kicked off everything.
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So I wanted to talk about standards today because I think we've overcomplicated this.
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Standards aren't about being high maintenance or difficult or demanding.
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They're not about making people jump through hoops to prove they are worthy of you.
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Standards are simply the baseline of how you expect to be treated based on how you treat yourself.
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Let me say that again because this is important.
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Your standards are a reflection of your self -worth.
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They're the boundary between what you will accept and what you won't, between what nourishes you and what depletes you.
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So when you don't have standards, you're not actually being easygoing.
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You're just telling the world, I don't value myself enough to require you to value me either.
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Those of you who have followed me for a while know that I started off doing social media talking about relationships,
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femininity, dating, setting high standards, et cetera.
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But the missing part of the conversation was always around having real standards based on self -worth
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and not just what you think you should have, based on what you think women with high standards are like.
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Because what you think is high standards or high maintenance could be the bare minimum for another woman, and that's totally fine.
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Same goes with friendships and careers and everything else in life.
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And here's the nuance.
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Standards and expectations are not the same.
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Standards are your baseline.
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They're the non -negotiable threshold of how you allow yourself to be treated based on your self -worth.
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Standards are about you, What you will accept what you won't tolerate what you require to feel valued and respected
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They are the floor not the ceiling
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Expectations are your desires
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They're the specific things you hope for or want from other people or situations
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Expectations are about them what you'd like them to do how you hope they will show up for you
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What would make you happy?
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Boundaries are what protect your standards and your standards are what protect your lived experience standards are enforced by walking away.
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Expectations are communicated.
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Then you see if they can meet them.
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You can have unmet expectations and stay in a relationship, but a violated standard, you walk.
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I'm sorry to be so precise about this, but this distinction is so important when it comes to relationships, work, friendships, family, everything.
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And it's also the reason why a lot of young women get confused when they're dating because they feel happy,
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yet their friends tell them that he's not doing enough or whatever.
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I don't want to make this episode about relationships and dating, but if this is something you're interested in,
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please let me know in the comments because I definitely have a lot to say.
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So getting back on track, how do we actually set standards in life in a way that sticks?
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I think there are four areas to focus on.
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Friendships, love, career, and how you live life.
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Standards and friendship.
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Real friendships should be reciprocal.
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not transactional, reciprocal.
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You shouldn't be the only one initiating plans, the only one checking in,
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the only one who is celebrating their wins or shows up during hard times.
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I had to learn this the hard way when I went through a massive friendship breakup, multiple friendships at the same time,
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and it was painful, but it also showed me who these women really were.
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Standards in love.
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This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
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We've been taught that having standards in dating makes us picky, difficult, that we'll end up alone if we don't lower our expectations,
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but the right person won't make you feel like you're asking for too much.
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They'll make you feel like you deserve even more than what you're asking for.
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The same goes for work and how you treat yourself.
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Most of us know we deserve better, but we don't act that way because knowing and acting are two different things.
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So step one is to get clear on your non -negotiables.
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You need to know what you will and won't accept.
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And I mean really, really know.
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Sit down and write it out for friendships, relationships, career, and life.
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Not what you think you should want, what you actually need.
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For me, some of mine were I want a relationship with someone who knows how to initiate quality time.
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I want friendships with people who know how to genuinely celebrate my success and cheer for me.
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I will not tolerate friendships with people who condone conflicting moral values like lying and cheating.
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I will not stay at a job where I am disrespected and undervalued.
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Get specific, get honest, get real with yourself.
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Step two, communicate your standards without apologizing.
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This is where most people get stuck.
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They set standards internally, but they never actually communicate them because they think everyone should know.
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But remember I said your high standards could be someone else's bare minimum?
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Same thing.
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Some people are just not on the same page as you.
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And you have to communicate and then observe.
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You have to be willing to say, I'm not comfortable with that.
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That doesn't work for me.
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I need more than what you're offering.
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And you have to say it without over explaining or apologizing or making yourself small to make them more comfortable.
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Your standards aren't up for negotiation.
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That's why they're non -negotiables.
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They're simply the terms and conditions under which you engage.
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Step three, be willing to walk away.
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This is the hardest part, but also the part that will change your life completely.
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Having standards means nothing if you're not willing to enforce them.
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If someone consistently violates your boundaries, you have to be willing to walk away, even if you love them,
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even if it's uncomfortable, even if you're scared of being alone.
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It can be brutal and cutthroat, but this is how you ensure you only have the right people in your life.
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Because if you're a lover girl like me, we are people who appreciate second chances, but a lot of people don't.
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And the more you give chances, the more they think you don't value yourself rather than show gratitude for your forgiveness or generosity.
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So please pay attention.
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When I finally started walking away from situations that didn't serve me, instead of giving them opportunities to do me wrong again,
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the job that disrespected me, I quit and found something better.
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The friendships that were one -sided, I let them go and then I found my girls the relationship
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that made me feel unworthy I left and found a man who makes me feel so cherished and step four
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Do your inner work
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You cannot sustain high standards with low self -worth period
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I had to do the work the girls I worked with had to do the work
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My friends who dated bad men or got burnt out at work had to do the work
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The therapy the journaling the reading the nervous system regulation the shadow work all of it
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Because if you don't genuinely believe you deserve better, you'll self -sabotage every time you get close to having it.
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Healing isn't optional if you want to live a high standard life.
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It's the foundation.
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And I know what you're thinking because I thought it too.
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But what if I end up alone?
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What if no one can meet my standards?
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What if I'm asking for too much?
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I'm going to go back and say, get clear on your standards versus expectations.
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If you can meet your own standards, so can other people.
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As for ending up alone, babe, you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone if those people don't actually see you,
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value you, or show up for you.
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I'd rather have an empty room than a room full of people who make me feel empty.
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Here's what I want you to take away from this.
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Setting standards is learning to be discerning.
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You're not building up walls to ice people out.
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You're building a life where you feel safe, valued, and genuinely happy.
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And it starts with a decision to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you have to be less.
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You don't need permission to want more.
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You don't need permission to expect better.
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You don't need permission to walk away from anything or anyone who doesn't honor who you're becoming.
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So your homework for this week, I want you to identify one area of your life where you've been settling.
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Just one, okay?
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Maybe it's a friendship that's been one -sided for months.
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Maybe it's a job that stopped serving you years ago.
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Maybe it's how you talk to yourself when no one else is listening.
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Pick one and then ask yourself, what would a woman who values herself do in this situation?
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And then try to do that.
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Even if it's hard, even if it's scary.
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It doesn't have to be dramatic or perfect.
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It just has to be honest because your life is too short
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and too precious to spend it making yourself smaller for people who will never appreciate how big your heart actually is.
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That's all the cake I have for you today.
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Thank you so much for watching until the end.
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I appreciate it so much and
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if you enjoyed our little talk today please like subscribe
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and leave a comment to share your thoughts and I'll see you in the next episode
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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку
Этот урок разговорной практики построен на видео «having standards will change your life». В этом видео 233 предложений и 2919 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 15:40. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 186 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 86% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.
Ключевая лексика этого видео
15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:
| Слово | Произношение | Значение |
|---|---|---|
| friendship существительное | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | дру́жба, прия́тельство |
| expectation существительное | /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/ | ожида́ние |
| communicate глагол | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ | сообща́ть, сообщи́ть |
| boundary существительное | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | грани́ца, межа́ |
| scare глагол | /skɛɚ/ | пуга́ть, испуга́ть |
| worthy прилагательное | /ˈwɝ.ði/ | досто́йный |
| uncomfortable прилагательное | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | неудо́бный, некомфорта́бельный |
| apologize глагол | /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/ | извиня́ться, извини́ться |
| drain существительное | /dɹiːn/ | дрена́ж, водосто́к |
| subscribe глагол | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | подпи́сывать, подписа́ть |
| rebuild глагол | /ɹiːˈbɪld/ | перестра́ивать, перестро́ить |
| tolerate глагол | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | терпе́ть, вы́терпеть |
| negotiation существительное | /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | перегово́ры |
| violate глагол | /ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/ | наруша́ть, нару́шить |
| initiate глагол | /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/ | инициировать |
Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите
| Слово | Значение |
|---|---|
| end up глагол | зака́нчиваться, зако́нчиться |
| turn out глагол | ока́зываться, оказа́ться |
| blow up глагол | взрыва́ть, взорва́ть |
| build up глагол | накапливаться, скапливаться |
| dress up глагол | наряжаться |
| figure out глагол | разбира́ться, разобра́ться |
| go back глагол | возвраща́ться, возврати́ться |
| let down глагол | подводи́ть, подвести́ |
Фразы, которые стоит повторять
Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:
- Stop me if you've heard this one.
- What would make you happy?
- This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
- What if no one can meet my standards?
- What if I'm asking for too much?
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете | someone who made · people who shouldn · men who were |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | was felt · can't be let · be treated |
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | you've heard · we've overcomplicated · have followed |
Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание
Говорящий использует 101 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, don't, I'm. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.
- Звуки «th»: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, cutthroat /ˈkʌtθɹəʊt/, thoughtfulness /ˈθɔt.f(ə)l.nəs/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
- Звуки «sh» и «zh»: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/
- Длинные слова — следите за ударением: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/
Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:
- /w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/, homework /ˈhoʊmˌwɝk/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
- /h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: harm /hɑːm/, homework /ˈhoʊmˌwɝk/, heal /ˈhiːl/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, hoop /hʊp/
- Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, subscribe /səbˈskɹaɪb/, rebuild /ɹiːˈbɪld/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/
Как заниматься с этим видео
- Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
- Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
- Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как friendship, expectation, communicate.
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.