Shadowing Practice: having standards will change your life | non-negotiables, self worth, settling - Learn English Speaking with Video
בחר מצב תרגול
כל מצב פותח חדר תרגול במסך מלא.
233 משפטים
אם המשפטים קצרים או ארוכים מדי, לחץ על ערוך כדי להתאים אותם.
1
Stop me if you've heard this one.
2
You're the strong friend, the independent girlfriend, the reliable employee, and somehow you're also the most exhausted,
3
underappreciated person in every room you walk into.
4
Weird how that works, right?
5
Hi muses!
6
Welcome back to my channel where we talk about how women can have their cake and eat it too.
7
I'm your host Nadine and I'm here to rebuild the village women once had
8
so we can have the right conversations and create lives that feel as good as it looks.
9
Please like, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don't miss anything.
10
You know what nobody tells you about your 20s or your 30s?
11
That the hardest part isn't actually figuring out what you want.
12
Yes, I know, crazy, right?
13
Because when you feel a little bit lost and directionless, that's all you care about.
14
But the hardest part is having enough self -love to give yourself permission to have standards in life.
15
Because there's so much self -negotiation and bargaining that even after you know exactly what you want,
16
you might not even go for it because you don't feel worthy of actually having it.
17
So you settle, you accept friendships that drain you, relationships where you're the only one trying, jobs that pay you well, but cost you your piece.
18
And you tell yourself, it's fine that you're being realistic, low maintenance, chill.
19
That was me and maybe all of my twenties.
20
But as it turns out, I wasn't any of those things.
21
I was just scared that if I asked for more or desired more, I'd end up with nothing at all.
22
So today, we're talking about something I wish someone had told me years ago.
23
How to set standards that honor who you're becoming, not who you used to be.
24
And more importantly, how to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you're shrinking just to fit,
25
but you're too scared to take that next step.
26
As always, we don't gatekeep, so let's step into it.
27
Let me start with a little confession that's going to totally expose me in my pick -me era.
28
There was a time in my life where I convinced myself
29
that having low standards meant I was mature and cool because I didn't need much.
30
That being chill meant comfortably splitting every bill down to the penny, never asking for help because I could do it myself,
31
accepting breadcrumb friendships where I was always the one reaching out and making excuses for them, and that all of this was just normal.
32
But I had this nagging feeling that something was off.
33
You know when you hang out with a friend and afterwards you just feel kind of icky,
34
like the interaction didn't add to your life, it just drained you?
35
I had that feeling everywhere.
36
My friendships, my relationship, my job.
37
Of course I knew something was off, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.
38
And turns out it was standards or the complete lack of them
39
but it had me in a gridlock
40
because on one end I felt like demanding more didn't feel right like I shouldn't be asking for more
41
and it kind of also went against the whole cool girl thing
42
but staying where I was felt even worse I remember
43
I was dating someone who made four times my income at the time
44
I was working two full -time jobs barely making 70k in salary mind you I live in the Bay Area
45
so 70k wasn't a lot and I think after rent, bills, groceries, and putting my money into my 401k, I had like $600 left every month.
46
But he was all about splitting everything 50 -50 because his words, not mine, I was a strong, independent woman.
47
And I believed his logic and wore that label like a badge of honor.
48
While things weren't actually 50 -50 in our relationship, I cooked, I cleaned, he was always over at my apartment,
49
and I never asked him to do anything
50
because he made it feel like asking him to help was like admitting that I wasn't capable.
51
That was not independence, okay?
52
That was both survival mode, dressed up as feminism, and him completely taking advantage of my care and love.
53
And I think a lot of us do this, right?
54
We confuse having no standards with being low maintenance.
55
We think that if we don't ask for much, we won't be disappointed.
56
If we don't expect anything, we can't be let down, or we would be more desirable because we're easygoing.
57
But here's the uncomfortable truth.
58
When you have no standards, you're not protecting yourself from disappointment.
59
You're guaranteeing it.
60
You're allowing yourself to have low quality life experiences.
61
You're allowing people who shouldn't even be in your life have an opportunity to have access to you
62
because people will meet you exactly where you set the bar.
63
And if your bar is on the floor, that is where they will find you.
64
I learned this the hard way across every area of my life in friendships
65
I had girls who would call me up at 2 a .m
66
when they needed something or they were crying
67
but somehow never had time to celebrate my wins
68
or they'd talk behind each other's backs and what started out feeling like closeness
69
because I thought they were sharing with me their inner thoughts turned into suspicion
70
that they did the same to me when i wasn't in the room
71
which i later confirmed was actually true
72
or before i quit my tech job i had
73
so many boundaries crossed
74
and i just accepted it anything
75
you think a young asian girl working in a male -dominated field can experience
76
i did i thought speaking up would make me lose my job
77
so i thought keeping quiet made things safe
78
that i could just brush things off
79
and it'll stop happening shout out to my work dad who immediately reported to hr even though i was terrified
80
and obviously in relationships.
81
I dated men who were emotionally unavailable, stingy only when it came to me
82
and somehow made me feel like I was asking for too much when all I wanted was care, thoughtfulness, effort, and respect.
83
And through all of it, I told myself the same lie.
84
This is just how it is.
85
This is the best I can do.
86
If I could do better or have better in life, it would have happened already,
87
which is honestly the worst self -pitying limiting belief my little aha moment came in a chain of revelations okay
88
because I finally got real with myself
89
and was like I'd rather be single forever than be with a selfish man
90
I'd rather clean cleats at a cycling studio than stay in a soul -sucking corporate job
91
which is exactly what I did by the way I quit everything
92
and worked at a cycling studio for six months while I rebuilt my life from scratch.
93
Total woo -woo manifestation story of how I found my next opportunity, but we'll save that for another episode.
94
Like I was saying, I realized all these things I held
95
so close to me and refused to let go was doing me more harm than good.
96
And I would rather be without than be with, which I'm not going to lie.
97
It took a huge amount of courage to just be like, F this.
98
I literally blew up my old life.
99
But when I finally ended things, with a man, with a job, with a friend, I felt this surge of energy.
100
Like I was finally me again.
101
And I had the longest, most relieving cry because I was so happy that I finally chose myself.
102
I had been dimming myself for
103
so long just to make room for people who didn't even appreciate the space I was giving them.
104
And that breakup kicked off everything.
105
So I wanted to talk about standards today because I think we've overcomplicated this.
106
Standards aren't about being high maintenance or difficult or demanding.
107
They're not about making people jump through hoops to prove they are worthy of you.
108
Standards are simply the baseline of how you expect to be treated based on how you treat yourself.
109
Let me say that again because this is important.
110
Your standards are a reflection of your self -worth.
111
They're the boundary between what you will accept and what you won't, between what nourishes you and what depletes you.
112
So when you don't have standards, you're not actually being easygoing.
113
You're just telling the world, I don't value myself enough to require you to value me either.
114
Those of you who have followed me for a while know that I started off doing social media talking about relationships,
115
femininity, dating, setting high standards, et cetera.
116
But the missing part of the conversation was always around having real standards based on self -worth
117
and not just what you think you should have, based on what you think women with high standards are like.
118
Because what you think is high standards or high maintenance could be the bare minimum for another woman, and that's totally fine.
119
Same goes with friendships and careers and everything else in life.
120
And here's the nuance.
121
Standards and expectations are not the same.
122
Standards are your baseline.
123
They're the non -negotiable threshold of how you allow yourself to be treated based on your self -worth.
124
Standards are about you, What you will accept what you won't tolerate what you require to feel valued and respected
125
They are the floor not the ceiling
126
Expectations are your desires
127
They're the specific things you hope for or want from other people or situations
128
Expectations are about them what you'd like them to do how you hope they will show up for you
129
What would make you happy?
130
Boundaries are what protect your standards and your standards are what protect your lived experience standards are enforced by walking away.
131
Expectations are communicated.
132
Then you see if they can meet them.
133
You can have unmet expectations and stay in a relationship, but a violated standard, you walk.
134
I'm sorry to be so precise about this, but this distinction is so important when it comes to relationships, work, friendships, family, everything.
135
And it's also the reason why a lot of young women get confused when they're dating because they feel happy,
136
yet their friends tell them that he's not doing enough or whatever.
137
I don't want to make this episode about relationships and dating, but if this is something you're interested in,
138
please let me know in the comments because I definitely have a lot to say.
139
So getting back on track, how do we actually set standards in life in a way that sticks?
140
I think there are four areas to focus on.
141
Friendships, love, career, and how you live life.
142
Standards and friendship.
143
Real friendships should be reciprocal.
144
not transactional, reciprocal.
145
You shouldn't be the only one initiating plans, the only one checking in,
146
the only one who is celebrating their wins or shows up during hard times.
147
I had to learn this the hard way when I went through a massive friendship breakup, multiple friendships at the same time,
148
and it was painful, but it also showed me who these women really were.
149
Standards in love.
150
This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
151
We've been taught that having standards in dating makes us picky, difficult, that we'll end up alone if we don't lower our expectations,
152
but the right person won't make you feel like you're asking for too much.
153
They'll make you feel like you deserve even more than what you're asking for.
154
The same goes for work and how you treat yourself.
155
Most of us know we deserve better, but we don't act that way because knowing and acting are two different things.
156
So step one is to get clear on your non -negotiables.
157
You need to know what you will and won't accept.
158
And I mean really, really know.
159
Sit down and write it out for friendships, relationships, career, and life.
160
Not what you think you should want, what you actually need.
161
For me, some of mine were I want a relationship with someone who knows how to initiate quality time.
162
I want friendships with people who know how to genuinely celebrate my success and cheer for me.
163
I will not tolerate friendships with people who condone conflicting moral values like lying and cheating.
164
I will not stay at a job where I am disrespected and undervalued.
165
Get specific, get honest, get real with yourself.
166
Step two, communicate your standards without apologizing.
167
This is where most people get stuck.
168
They set standards internally, but they never actually communicate them because they think everyone should know.
169
But remember I said your high standards could be someone else's bare minimum?
170
Same thing.
171
Some people are just not on the same page as you.
172
And you have to communicate and then observe.
173
You have to be willing to say, I'm not comfortable with that.
174
That doesn't work for me.
175
I need more than what you're offering.
176
And you have to say it without over explaining or apologizing or making yourself small to make them more comfortable.
177
Your standards aren't up for negotiation.
178
That's why they're non -negotiables.
179
They're simply the terms and conditions under which you engage.
180
Step three, be willing to walk away.
181
This is the hardest part, but also the part that will change your life completely.
182
Having standards means nothing if you're not willing to enforce them.
183
If someone consistently violates your boundaries, you have to be willing to walk away, even if you love them,
184
even if it's uncomfortable, even if you're scared of being alone.
185
It can be brutal and cutthroat, but this is how you ensure you only have the right people in your life.
186
Because if you're a lover girl like me, we are people who appreciate second chances, but a lot of people don't.
187
And the more you give chances, the more they think you don't value yourself rather than show gratitude for your forgiveness or generosity.
188
So please pay attention.
189
When I finally started walking away from situations that didn't serve me, instead of giving them opportunities to do me wrong again,
190
the job that disrespected me, I quit and found something better.
191
The friendships that were one -sided, I let them go and then I found my girls the relationship
192
that made me feel unworthy I left and found a man who makes me feel so cherished and step four
193
Do your inner work
194
You cannot sustain high standards with low self -worth period
195
I had to do the work the girls I worked with had to do the work
196
My friends who dated bad men or got burnt out at work had to do the work
197
The therapy the journaling the reading the nervous system regulation the shadow work all of it
198
Because if you don't genuinely believe you deserve better, you'll self -sabotage every time you get close to having it.
199
Healing isn't optional if you want to live a high standard life.
200
It's the foundation.
201
And I know what you're thinking because I thought it too.
202
But what if I end up alone?
203
What if no one can meet my standards?
204
What if I'm asking for too much?
205
I'm going to go back and say, get clear on your standards versus expectations.
206
If you can meet your own standards, so can other people.
207
As for ending up alone, babe, you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone if those people don't actually see you,
208
value you, or show up for you.
209
I'd rather have an empty room than a room full of people who make me feel empty.
210
Here's what I want you to take away from this.
211
Setting standards is learning to be discerning.
212
You're not building up walls to ice people out.
213
You're building a life where you feel safe, valued, and genuinely happy.
214
And it starts with a decision to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you have to be less.
215
You don't need permission to want more.
216
You don't need permission to expect better.
217
You don't need permission to walk away from anything or anyone who doesn't honor who you're becoming.
218
So your homework for this week, I want you to identify one area of your life where you've been settling.
219
Just one, okay?
220
Maybe it's a friendship that's been one -sided for months.
221
Maybe it's a job that stopped serving you years ago.
222
Maybe it's how you talk to yourself when no one else is listening.
223
Pick one and then ask yourself, what would a woman who values herself do in this situation?
224
And then try to do that.
225
Even if it's hard, even if it's scary.
226
It doesn't have to be dramatic or perfect.
227
It just has to be honest because your life is too short
228
and too precious to spend it making yourself smaller for people who will never appreciate how big your heart actually is.
229
That's all the cake I have for you today.
230
Thank you so much for watching until the end.
231
I appreciate it so much and
232
if you enjoyed our little talk today please like subscribe
233
and leave a comment to share your thoughts and I'll see you in the next episode
הורד אפליקציה
כל מה שאתה צריך כדי לדבר בשטף
הגיית AIציון לכל משפט
תרגול IPAשלוט בכל צליל
אוצר מיליםבנה את מאגר המילים שלך
משחק אוצר מיליםלמד תוך כדי משחק
אותו ערוץ
B24
10 social rules every smart woman should know
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B26
can i tell you something? | getting in my own way, inner thoughts, chit chat
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
you're not too late | most people quit, consistency is a superpower
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
allow me to de-influence you | relationship edition
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B210
why you need more time alone | the art of solitude
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B29
the harsh reality of outgrowing friends | how to handle it
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
how to be chic | underconsumption | developing your taste
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
how to be respected as a woman | stop being nice, self-betrayal, people pleasing
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
the mindset shift that changed my 30s | why you still feel stuck
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B28
8 smart girl mindsets i live by | be confident, successful, and unbothered
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
the hidden rules of life | cheat codes, main character energy, glow up
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
the 6 friendship rules i use to build a real village
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B27
the social skills every smart woman needs
Business EnglishWorking Adults
B25
become your own case study | get hot, smart, and confident
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
rich girl habits that elevated my finances
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B27
the social playbook for smart women
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
FOR YOU
המלץ על סרטון
B22
258 משפטים
you're six months away from the life you want (if you want it bad enough)
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B25
7 משפטים
Set High Standards and Boundaries! 💪 #InspireLife86
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
918 משפטים
Adulting in Our 30s - New Habits, Values, & Life Lessons We’ve Learned | AsianBossGirl Ep 291
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
316 משפטים
Enough Talking. Start Becoming Someone
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B2461 משפטים
Watch this to Improve your Self-Concept and Get the Life of your Dreams! | S2E1
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
393 משפטים
Daily Non-Negotiables to Set You Up for Success
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
883 משפטים
for ambitious women: how to let go of perfectionism & build your dream life ft. Gaby Ulloa
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
476 משפטים
How to DECENTRE romance in your 20s!
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
365 משפטים
BECOME INSANELY DISCIPLINED IN 40 DAYS | BE UNRECOGNIZABLE
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B2144 משפטים
The Exact System To Feel Rich In Life (without being rich)
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
333 משפטים
take your power back
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה מבוסס על הסרטון “having standards will change your life”. בסרטון הזה יש 233 משפטים ו-2919 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 15:40. הדובר מדבר מהר, כ-186 מילים בדקה, אז צפו לצלילים מחוברים ומקוצרים. 86% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
15 מילים מהסרטון שכדאי ללמוד, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| friendship שם עצם | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | יְדִידוּת |
| boundary שם עצם | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | גְּבוּל |
| apologize פועל | /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/ | הִתְנַצֵּל |
| drain שם עצם | /dɹiːn/ | נִקּוּז, אגן נקוז |
| subscribe פועל | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | נִמְנָה |
| tolerate פועל | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | סָבַל |
| negotiation שם עצם | /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | מַשָּׂא וּמַתָּן |
| confused שם תואר | /kənˈfjuːzd/ | מבולבל |
| harm שם עצם | /hɑːm/ | נזק |
| belief שם עצם | /bɪˈliːf/ | האמנה |
| moral שם תואר | /ˈmoɹəl/ | מוּסָר |
| guarantee שם עצם | /ˌɡæɹ.ənˈtiː/ | עַרְבוּת |
| shadow שם עצם | /ˈʃædəʊ̯/ | צֵל |
| label שם עצם | /ˈleɪ.bəl/ | תָּגִית |
| afterwards תואר הפועל | /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/ | אחר־כך |
Phrasal verbs שתשמעו
| מילה | משמעות |
|---|---|
| blow up פועל | פוצץ, התפוצץ |
| figure out פועל | הֵבִין, מצא תשובה |
| sit down פועל | התיישב \ הִתְיַשֵּׁב |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- Stop me if you've heard this one.
- What would make you happy?
- This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
- What if no one can meet my standards?
- What if I'm asking for too much?
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר | someone who made · people who shouldn · men who were |
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | was felt · can't be let · be treated |
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | you've heard · we've overcomplicated · have followed |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-101 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו you're, don't, I'm. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “th”: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, cutthroat /ˈkʌtθɹəʊt/, thoughtfulness /ˈθɔt.f(ə)l.nəs/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/, homework /ˈhoʊmˌwɝk/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: guarantee /ˌɡæɹ.ənˈtiː/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/, dramatic /dɹəˈmætɪk/, salary /ˈsæləɹi/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, boundary /ˈbaʊndɹi/, drain /dɹiːn/, subscribe /səbˈskɹaɪb/, enforce /ɪnˈfoɹs/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו friendship, boundary, apologize.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.