쉐도잉 연습: having standards will change your life | non-negotiables, self worth, settling - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

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Stop me if you've heard this one.

You're the strong friend, the independent girlfriend, the reliable employee, and somehow you're also the most exhausted,

underappreciated person in every room you walk into.

Weird how that works, right?

Hi muses!

Welcome back to my channel where we talk about how women can have their cake and eat it too.

I'm your host Nadine and I'm here to rebuild the village women once had

so we can have the right conversations and create lives that feel as good as it looks.

Please like, subscribe, and turn on the notification bell so you don't miss anything.

You know what nobody tells you about your 20s or your 30s?

That the hardest part isn't actually figuring out what you want.

Yes, I know, crazy, right?

Because when you feel a little bit lost and directionless, that's all you care about.

But the hardest part is having enough self -love to give yourself permission to have standards in life.

Because there's so much self -negotiation and bargaining that even after you know exactly what you want,

you might not even go for it because you don't feel worthy of actually having it.

So you settle, you accept friendships that drain you, relationships where you're the only one trying, jobs that pay you well, but cost you your piece.

And you tell yourself, it's fine that you're being realistic, low maintenance, chill.

That was me and maybe all of my twenties.

But as it turns out, I wasn't any of those things.

I was just scared that if I asked for more or desired more, I'd end up with nothing at all.

So today, we're talking about something I wish someone had told me years ago.

How to set standards that honor who you're becoming, not who you used to be.

And more importantly, how to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you're shrinking just to fit,

but you're too scared to take that next step.

As always, we don't gatekeep, so let's step into it.

Let me start with a little confession that's going to totally expose me in my pick -me era.

There was a time in my life where I convinced myself

that having low standards meant I was mature and cool because I didn't need much.

That being chill meant comfortably splitting every bill down to the penny, never asking for help because I could do it myself,

accepting breadcrumb friendships where I was always the one reaching out and making excuses for them, and that all of this was just normal.

But I had this nagging feeling that something was off.

You know when you hang out with a friend and afterwards you just feel kind of icky,

like the interaction didn't add to your life, it just drained you?

I had that feeling everywhere.

My friendships, my relationship, my job.

Of course I knew something was off, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

And turns out it was standards or the complete lack of them

but it had me in a gridlock

because on one end I felt like demanding more didn't feel right like I shouldn't be asking for more

and it kind of also went against the whole cool girl thing

but staying where I was felt even worse I remember

I was dating someone who made four times my income at the time

I was working two full -time jobs barely making 70k in salary mind you I live in the Bay Area

so 70k wasn't a lot and I think after rent, bills, groceries, and putting my money into my 401k, I had like $600 left every month.

But he was all about splitting everything 50 -50 because his words, not mine, I was a strong, independent woman.

And I believed his logic and wore that label like a badge of honor.

While things weren't actually 50 -50 in our relationship, I cooked, I cleaned, he was always over at my apartment,

and I never asked him to do anything

because he made it feel like asking him to help was like admitting that I wasn't capable.

That was not independence, okay?

That was both survival mode, dressed up as feminism, and him completely taking advantage of my care and love.

And I think a lot of us do this, right?

We confuse having no standards with being low maintenance.

We think that if we don't ask for much, we won't be disappointed.

If we don't expect anything, we can't be let down, or we would be more desirable because we're easygoing.

But here's the uncomfortable truth.

When you have no standards, you're not protecting yourself from disappointment.

You're guaranteeing it.

You're allowing yourself to have low quality life experiences.

You're allowing people who shouldn't even be in your life have an opportunity to have access to you

because people will meet you exactly where you set the bar.

And if your bar is on the floor, that is where they will find you.

I learned this the hard way across every area of my life in friendships

I had girls who would call me up at 2 a .m

when they needed something or they were crying

but somehow never had time to celebrate my wins

or they'd talk behind each other's backs and what started out feeling like closeness

because I thought they were sharing with me their inner thoughts turned into suspicion

that they did the same to me when i wasn't in the room

which i later confirmed was actually true

or before i quit my tech job i had

so many boundaries crossed

and i just accepted it anything

you think a young asian girl working in a male -dominated field can experience

i did i thought speaking up would make me lose my job

so i thought keeping quiet made things safe

that i could just brush things off

and it'll stop happening shout out to my work dad who immediately reported to hr even though i was terrified

and obviously in relationships.

I dated men who were emotionally unavailable, stingy only when it came to me

and somehow made me feel like I was asking for too much when all I wanted was care, thoughtfulness, effort, and respect.

And through all of it, I told myself the same lie.

This is just how it is.

This is the best I can do.

If I could do better or have better in life, it would have happened already,

which is honestly the worst self -pitying limiting belief my little aha moment came in a chain of revelations okay

because I finally got real with myself

and was like I'd rather be single forever than be with a selfish man

I'd rather clean cleats at a cycling studio than stay in a soul -sucking corporate job

which is exactly what I did by the way I quit everything

and worked at a cycling studio for six months while I rebuilt my life from scratch.

Total woo -woo manifestation story of how I found my next opportunity, but we'll save that for another episode.

Like I was saying, I realized all these things I held

so close to me and refused to let go was doing me more harm than good.

And I would rather be without than be with, which I'm not going to lie.

It took a huge amount of courage to just be like, F this.

I literally blew up my old life.

But when I finally ended things, with a man, with a job, with a friend, I felt this surge of energy.

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Like I was finally me again.

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And I had the longest, most relieving cry because I was so happy that I finally chose myself.

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I had been dimming myself for

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so long just to make room for people who didn't even appreciate the space I was giving them.

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And that breakup kicked off everything.

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So I wanted to talk about standards today because I think we've overcomplicated this.

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Standards aren't about being high maintenance or difficult or demanding.

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They're not about making people jump through hoops to prove they are worthy of you.

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Standards are simply the baseline of how you expect to be treated based on how you treat yourself.

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Let me say that again because this is important.

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Your standards are a reflection of your self -worth.

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They're the boundary between what you will accept and what you won't, between what nourishes you and what depletes you.

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So when you don't have standards, you're not actually being easygoing.

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You're just telling the world, I don't value myself enough to require you to value me either.

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Those of you who have followed me for a while know that I started off doing social media talking about relationships,

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femininity, dating, setting high standards, et cetera.

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But the missing part of the conversation was always around having real standards based on self -worth

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and not just what you think you should have, based on what you think women with high standards are like.

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Because what you think is high standards or high maintenance could be the bare minimum for another woman, and that's totally fine.

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Same goes with friendships and careers and everything else in life.

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And here's the nuance.

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Standards and expectations are not the same.

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Standards are your baseline.

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They're the non -negotiable threshold of how you allow yourself to be treated based on your self -worth.

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Standards are about you, What you will accept what you won't tolerate what you require to feel valued and respected

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They are the floor not the ceiling

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Expectations are your desires

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They're the specific things you hope for or want from other people or situations

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Expectations are about them what you'd like them to do how you hope they will show up for you

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What would make you happy?

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Boundaries are what protect your standards and your standards are what protect your lived experience standards are enforced by walking away.

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Expectations are communicated.

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Then you see if they can meet them.

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You can have unmet expectations and stay in a relationship, but a violated standard, you walk.

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I'm sorry to be so precise about this, but this distinction is so important when it comes to relationships, work, friendships, family, everything.

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And it's also the reason why a lot of young women get confused when they're dating because they feel happy,

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yet their friends tell them that he's not doing enough or whatever.

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I don't want to make this episode about relationships and dating, but if this is something you're interested in,

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please let me know in the comments because I definitely have a lot to say.

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So getting back on track, how do we actually set standards in life in a way that sticks?

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I think there are four areas to focus on.

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Friendships, love, career, and how you live life.

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Standards and friendship.

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Real friendships should be reciprocal.

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not transactional, reciprocal.

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You shouldn't be the only one initiating plans, the only one checking in,

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the only one who is celebrating their wins or shows up during hard times.

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I had to learn this the hard way when I went through a massive friendship breakup, multiple friendships at the same time,

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and it was painful, but it also showed me who these women really were.

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Standards in love.

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This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?

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We've been taught that having standards in dating makes us picky, difficult, that we'll end up alone if we don't lower our expectations,

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but the right person won't make you feel like you're asking for too much.

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They'll make you feel like you deserve even more than what you're asking for.

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The same goes for work and how you treat yourself.

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Most of us know we deserve better, but we don't act that way because knowing and acting are two different things.

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So step one is to get clear on your non -negotiables.

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You need to know what you will and won't accept.

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And I mean really, really know.

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Sit down and write it out for friendships, relationships, career, and life.

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Not what you think you should want, what you actually need.

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For me, some of mine were I want a relationship with someone who knows how to initiate quality time.

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I want friendships with people who know how to genuinely celebrate my success and cheer for me.

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I will not tolerate friendships with people who condone conflicting moral values like lying and cheating.

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I will not stay at a job where I am disrespected and undervalued.

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Get specific, get honest, get real with yourself.

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Step two, communicate your standards without apologizing.

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This is where most people get stuck.

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They set standards internally, but they never actually communicate them because they think everyone should know.

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But remember I said your high standards could be someone else's bare minimum?

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Same thing.

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Some people are just not on the same page as you.

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And you have to communicate and then observe.

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You have to be willing to say, I'm not comfortable with that.

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That doesn't work for me.

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I need more than what you're offering.

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And you have to say it without over explaining or apologizing or making yourself small to make them more comfortable.

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Your standards aren't up for negotiation.

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That's why they're non -negotiables.

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They're simply the terms and conditions under which you engage.

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Step three, be willing to walk away.

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This is the hardest part, but also the part that will change your life completely.

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Having standards means nothing if you're not willing to enforce them.

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If someone consistently violates your boundaries, you have to be willing to walk away, even if you love them,

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even if it's uncomfortable, even if you're scared of being alone.

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It can be brutal and cutthroat, but this is how you ensure you only have the right people in your life.

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Because if you're a lover girl like me, we are people who appreciate second chances, but a lot of people don't.

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And the more you give chances, the more they think you don't value yourself rather than show gratitude for your forgiveness or generosity.

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So please pay attention.

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When I finally started walking away from situations that didn't serve me, instead of giving them opportunities to do me wrong again,

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the job that disrespected me, I quit and found something better.

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The friendships that were one -sided, I let them go and then I found my girls the relationship

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that made me feel unworthy I left and found a man who makes me feel so cherished and step four

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Do your inner work

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You cannot sustain high standards with low self -worth period

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I had to do the work the girls I worked with had to do the work

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My friends who dated bad men or got burnt out at work had to do the work

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The therapy the journaling the reading the nervous system regulation the shadow work all of it

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Because if you don't genuinely believe you deserve better, you'll self -sabotage every time you get close to having it.

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Healing isn't optional if you want to live a high standard life.

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It's the foundation.

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And I know what you're thinking because I thought it too.

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But what if I end up alone?

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What if no one can meet my standards?

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What if I'm asking for too much?

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I'm going to go back and say, get clear on your standards versus expectations.

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If you can meet your own standards, so can other people.

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As for ending up alone, babe, you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone if those people don't actually see you,

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value you, or show up for you.

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I'd rather have an empty room than a room full of people who make me feel empty.

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Here's what I want you to take away from this.

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Setting standards is learning to be discerning.

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You're not building up walls to ice people out.

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You're building a life where you feel safe, valued, and genuinely happy.

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And it starts with a decision to stop settling for situations that make you feel like you have to be less.

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You don't need permission to want more.

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You don't need permission to expect better.

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You don't need permission to walk away from anything or anyone who doesn't honor who you're becoming.

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So your homework for this week, I want you to identify one area of your life where you've been settling.

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Just one, okay?

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Maybe it's a friendship that's been one -sided for months.

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Maybe it's a job that stopped serving you years ago.

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Maybe it's how you talk to yourself when no one else is listening.

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Pick one and then ask yourself, what would a woman who values herself do in this situation?

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And then try to do that.

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Even if it's hard, even if it's scary.

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It doesn't have to be dramatic or perfect.

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It just has to be honest because your life is too short

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and too precious to spend it making yourself smaller for people who will never appreciate how big your heart actually is.

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That's all the cake I have for you today.

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Thank you so much for watching until the end.

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I appreciate it so much and

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if you enjoyed our little talk today please like subscribe

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and leave a comment to share your thoughts and I'll see you in the next episode

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이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트

이 말하기 레슨은 영상 “having standards will change your life”을(를) 바탕으로 합니다. 이 영상에는 섀도잉할 문장 233개와 단어 2919개가 있습니다. 말하는 구간의 길이는 15:40입니다. 화자는 분당 약 186단어로 빠르게 말하므로 연음과 약하게 발음되는 소리가 많습니다. 단어의 86%가 영어에서 가장 많이 쓰이는 3,000단어에 속합니다. 나머지는 연습 전에 미리 확인해 두세요.

이 영상의 핵심 어휘

영상에 나오는 익혀 둘 만한 단어 15개를 발음, 뜻과 함께 정리했습니다.

단어	발음	뜻
friendship 명사	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	우정, 우의
scare 동사	/skɛɚ/	놀래키다
uncomfortable 형용사	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	불편하다
apologize 동사	/əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/	사과하다, 사죄하다
drain 명사	/dɹiːn/	배수구
subscribe 동사	/səbˈskɹaɪb/	구독하다
rebuild 동사	/ɹiːˈbɪld/	재건하다
tolerate 동사	/ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/	참는다
negotiation 명사	/nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/	교섭, 협상
violate 동사	/ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/	침해하다
disrespect 명사	/dɪsɹɪˈspɛkt/	무례
harm 명사	/hɑːm/	해
belief 명사	/bɪˈliːf/	믿음
guarantee 명사	/ˌɡæɹ.ənˈtiː/	보증
shadow 명사	/ˈʃædəʊ̯/	그림자, 음영

영상에 나오는 구동사

단어	뜻
blow up 동사	폭파하다
go back 동사	돌아가다
sit down 동사	앉다

따라 말해 볼 만한 문장

영상에 나오는 짧고 완결된 문장으로, 일상 대화에서 그대로 쓸 수 있습니다:

Stop me if you've heard this one.
What would make you happy?
This is where most of us struggle the most, isn't it?
What if no one can meet my standards?
What if I'm asking for too much?

이 영상의 문법

화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.

문형	영상 속 표현
관계절 who / which + 절 — 사람이나 사물에 대한 추가 정보	someone who made · people who shouldn · men who were
수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점	was felt · can't be let · be treated
현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때	you've heard · we've overcomplicated · have followed

주의할 발음

화자는 you're, don't, I'm 같은 축약형과 약화된 형태를 101번 사용합니다. 들리는 대로 짧게 발음하세요.

“th” 소리: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/, cutthroat /ˈkʌtθɹəʊt/, thoughtfulness /ˈθɔt.f(ə)l.nəs/, unworthy /ʌnˈwɝði/
“sh”와 “zh” 소리: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, shadow /ˈʃædəʊ̯/
긴 단어 — 강세 위치에 주의: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

한국어 화자가 어려워하는 소리:

/f/ — ㅍ(/p/)으로 바꾸지 말고 윗니를 아랫입술에 대기: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, enforce /ɪnˈfoɹs/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, belief /bɪˈliːf/
/v/ — ㅂ(/b/)과 구별하기: violate /ˈvaɪəˌleɪt/, survival /sɚˈvaɪ.vəl/, versus /ˈvɝsəs/, convince /kənˈvɪns/, lover /ˈlʌvɚ/
/z/ — ㅈ이 아니라 성대를 울리는 /s/: apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/, observe /əbˈzɜːv/, expose /ɪkˈspoʊz/

이 영상으로 연습하는 방법

먼저 말하지 않고 영상을 끝까지 듣고 모르는 단어를 적어 둡니다.
0.75배속으로 한 문장씩 섀도잉을 시작하고, 익숙해지면 보통 속도로 돌아갑니다.
자신의 목소리를 녹음해 원본과 비교하고, friendship, scare, uncomfortable 같은 단어에 특히 주의합니다.

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

섀도잉 방법: 단계별 전체 가이드 읽기 →

쉐도잉 연습: having standards will change your life | non-negotiables, self worth, settling - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

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