Shadowing Practice: I don’t understand what we’re living for - Learn English Speaking with Video

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I don't know what I'm living for.

Life feels so painfully empty that it's something I don't even feel like I can even ignore anymore.

I've spent most of my life just following rules or following missions

and goals I thought were supposed to be the answer to the emptiness in my heart.

I'd blame it on my weight, I blame it on my appearance, I blame it on some random accolade that I need to achieve

and then I can start living my life then things can maybe begin to make sense.

A lot of the time I'd also use

that goal post as a way to tell myself well I know something deeper is wrong

but I first need to reach this goal to have a little bit of a barrier

or a protection and then I can begin to go to that vulnerable place.

The issue is I have been doing this for so long

that I am not even sure that there's a life worth living behind that.

What I mean is I am somebody that overthinks a lot, if you want to call it overthinking.

I'm someone that just thinks too much about things and I'm sure you are too.

You try and understand the world a bit too much

and it ruins the experience because you can't seem to make sense of it

and you can't seem to make sense of yourself in it, especially when you have pain.

And I remember throughout my childhood and adolescence, I spent a lot of time thinking about relationships,

about people, about what made people love you.

Because for me, if I made people love me, everything would be okay.

That was my main goal in life.

I needed to make as many people as possible love me and to do that I had to play a role.

I had to do this very specific formula I'd figured out a

while back to making someone love you and it was about not being too honest, it was about pretending this.

Anyways I won't go into the details about that random thing

but what I mean is what that represented for me was a way out of the suffering, it was a way out of the emptiness

and a feeling of having a footing somewhere

that made sense on this earth and obviously as the years went on

and my mental illness got worse and I lost

so much due to these very problematic behaviours and I realised

that they burnt me out more than they could ever save me.

I was forced in many therapy sessions to sit with myself and think about what would it look like to change?

What would it look like to not live this way, to let go of all these beliefs?

And I'm sure like a lot of you, the answer is often, I don't know, I've never thought about that.

It's never even felt like a possibility.

And to be honest, the whole idea of it sounds like a just a lie, a fantasy.

it doesn't seem real and my argument about that was that well

if it was real I would see happy people I would see conflicting evidence in my everyday life

and I would have seen it up until now

but I don't feel like I do when I look to the outside to try and first to try and begin

to find out what could possibly make someone want to live, make someone enjoy this experience of life.

It often feels like I'm trying to understand an equation.

Like an equation, you can probably solve it and someone will explain it to you slowly.

But at the end of the day, it just feels like a concept.

it's it's just letters and it's just numbers

and we've decided they mean something

and I feel like I am unable to fall back in love with life

when I think of relationships friendships romantic relationships goals career aspirations lifestyle hobbies I just feel confused

and it's a weird type of confusion it's not like the type of confusion

that feels like it can ever be worked through it's like

when you go through deep suffering you can either go one of two ways you can either grow

and learn a lot or you can crash and burn

but I also think there can sometimes to be this weird

middle ground where it's like the veil of what life really

is gets lifted you see behind the scenes you see the the fantasy isn't real you see

that friendships relationships a lot of it is selfish this unconditional love doesn't exist

because through your trauma you were forced to deeply perceive relationships

and realize that things were not unconditional and you that to protect yourself.

In friendships you could say well they're your friend until you start to be very inconvenient.

Let's say if you became really really really depressed people often say well that's what friends are for

but quietly they actually mean I will be your friend until this doesn't stop fast enough because everyone feels selfish,

which is our natural way of being.

So it's hard for me to fall back into the fantasy that, well, that's worth it because I don't feel anything for it anymore.

Hobbies, I see the concept of them, I see goals, I see the concept of them, I'm like yeah but what is that for?

If I am just still pursuing something to prove something, to use up this time on earth just to use it up,

it feels empty, it all feels empty and it's like I can't see the point in anything anymore.

It feels like this horrible veil has been lifted and I cannot fall back under the trance, the illusion of it all being worth it,

of it all having meaning, because obviously the meaning is created by the person.

But if I fundamentally disagree with everything that is around me, where do you go from there?

If I see relationships and friendships as this fake performance no matter what

if goals feel like another way of trying to you know prop myself up

and and prove to the world or prove to myself

or something that i'm worth something

if my career feels again like this weird thing of this

popularity thing this thing of feeling like oh i'm better than this person

and this person this protects me more or kids

or whatever makes people want to do things it just all feels like some iteration of the same shit.

Just playing this game that I just, you can't win at.

I don't feel connected to it.

And I don't know what you do with that.

I used to run away from this feeling by finding my meaning in literally, like I said previously, trying to make people love me.

Trying to do everything I could to be this illusion.

But that's not possible anymore and it doesn't even work long term.

The main question I have after all of this is what do people live for?

I do not understand any of it.

I bring myself oftentimes on the weekend to lakes,

to towns, and I try and just put my body into the situations to maybe create some spark again,

you know, something that wants to be here, that feels something, that feels this pull, this beauty.

I don't feel similar to somebody that has seen something that's

so violently horrendous that even when they're out of that situation

and they're back home safe with their family and with everything they could ever want, they just cannot fall back into love with life.

They just feel empty and they feel disconnected from people around them and they feel like everything is just empty.

Honestly, it scares me.

It really does.

because you don't hear a lot about

that part I feel I feel like you hear a lot

about people talking about very specific things they struggle with

and wanting specific solutions but this feels more existential

and it doesn't feel like it's something that I can answer

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and I think a lot of us feel this way

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and it's horrible it's absolutely horrible because it's something that is so so all-encompassing.

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It feels so much deeper than anything that anyone tries to make you worry about every day, yet you're still forced to play the role, play the performance, get up,

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go to work, put on a face and pretend you're not dealing with this.

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Try and do things on the weekend, you feel fundamentally pointless and I don't want to become a monk.

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I know oftentimes the answer to these things is, well, you've risen above the whole ego thing or you've risen above the whole

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role that society wants you to play

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and you've seen how empty it all is and you have to follow a different path.

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I don't want to follow a different path.

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I just want to enjoy my life.

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I just want to feel young because I spent my entire teenage years feeling like a 30, 40, I don't know.

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Now I'm in my early 20s and I've got my life back together,

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yet I can just sit in a room filled with peers my age and I just cannot connect to them.

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I cannot understand how they feel and I can't understand how I feel in that moment.

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No matter how much I try, no matter how much alcohol I drink, I just can't get there.

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It's like you get the first curse of dealing with these issues and then you get the double whammy of like,

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hey, and now these are fundamentally going to alienate you even more from people due to that experience itself,

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even if it's healed.

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so yeah the meaning of life i know everyone wonders that

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but i guess this is just something i wanted to vent i wanted to just talk about

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that i definitely will keep talking about it

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because it's honestly something i just keep thinking about

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and ruminating over you're not alone feeling this way and it's deeply terrifying and it's just yeah anyways see ya

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Deze spreekles op niveau B2 is gebaseerd op de video “I don’t understand what we’re living for”. Deze video bevat 122 zinnen en 1710 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 10:45. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 159 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 86% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:

Woord	Uitspraak	Betekenis
emptiness zelfstandig naamwoord		leegte
unconditional bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˌʌnkənˈdɪʃənəl/	onvoorwaardelijk
illusion zelfstandig naamwoord	/ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/	illusie
hobby zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈhɑ.bi/	hobby, vrijetijdsbesteding
equation zelfstandig naamwoord	/ɪˈkweɪ.ʒən/	vergelijking
selfish bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/	egoïstisch, zelfzuchtig
confusion zelfstandig naamwoord	/kənˈfjuːʒən/	verwarring, war
alienate werkwoord	/ˈeɪ.li.ə.neɪt/	vervreemden
encompass werkwoord	/ɪnˈkʌmpəs/	omvatten, bevatten
existential bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˌɛɡzɪˈstɛnʃl̩/	existentieel
inconvenient bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˌɪn.kənˈviːni.ənt/	ongemakkelijk, storend
iteration zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˌɪt.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/	herhaling
ruminate werkwoord	/ˈɹumənət/	herkauwen
violently bijwoord	/ˈvaɪ(ə)ləntli/	gewelddadig
perceive werkwoord	/pɚˈsiv/	waarnemen

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Woord	Betekenis
figure out werkwoord	uitvogelen, er achter komen
find out werkwoord	ontdekken, onderzoeken
get up werkwoord	opstaan

Zinnen om te herhalen

Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:

I don't know what I'm living for.
I don't feel connected to it.
I don't want to follow a different path.

Grammatica in deze video

De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:

Structuur	In de video
Voorwaardelijke zinnen if + zin, will/would + werkwoord — een voorwaarde en het gevolg	if it was real I would see
Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt	I've spent · I've never thought · we've decided
Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet	was forced · be worked · were forced

Uitspraak om op te letten

De spreker gebruikt 50 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals don't, I'm, can't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.

De klanken “sh” en “zh”: unconditional /ˌʌnkənˈdɪʃənəl/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, equation /ɪˈkweɪ.ʒən/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, confusion /kənˈfjuːʒən/
Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: unconditional /ˌʌnkənˈdɪʃənəl/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, alienate /ˈeɪ.li.ə.neɪt/, aspiration /ˌæspəˈɹeɪʃən/, inconvenient /ˌɪn.kənˈviːni.ənt/

Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:

Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: oftentimes /ˈɔf.ənˌtaɪmz/, anyways /ˈɛn.iˌweɪz/, accolade /ˈæk.əˌleɪd/, perceive /pɚˈsiv/, teenage /ˈtiːneɪd͡ʒ/
/æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: accolade /ˈæk.əˌleɪd/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, aspiration /ˌæspəˈɹeɪʃən/, trance /tɹæns/, whammy /ˈ(h)wæmi/
/g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: existential /ˌɛɡzɪˈstɛnʃl̩/, disagree /dɪsəˈɡɹi/

Zo oefen je met deze video

Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als emptiness, unconditional, illusion.

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?

Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.

Shadowing-techniek: lees de volledige stap-voor-stap-gids →

Shadowing Practice: I don’t understand what we’re living for - Learn English Speaking with Video

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