Shadowing Practice: Oprah Winfrey - You Will Never Be The Same Again | Motivation - Learn English Speaking with Video
Kies een oefenmodus
Elke modus opent een volledig scherm oefenruimte.
517 zinnen
Als zinnen te kort of te lang zijn, klik op Bewerken om ze aan te passen.
1
I was raped when I was nine by a cousin and never told anybody until I was in my late 20s.
2
Not only was I raped by a cousin,
3
I was raped by a cousin and then later sexually molested by a friend of the family and then by an uncle.
4
It was just an ongoing continuous thing.
5
So much so that I started to think, you know, this is the way life is.
6
As a result of that, got myself into a lot of trouble and believed that I was responsible for it.
7
It wasn't until I was 36 years old, 36, that I connected the fact, oh, that's why I was that way.
8
I always blamed myself.
9
Even though intellectually I would say to other kids, I would speak to people and say, oh, the child is never to blame.
10
You're never responsible for molestation in your life.
11
I still believed I was responsible somehow, that I was a bad girl.
12
The same thing that in some cases causes a child to be abused is the same thing
13
that causes you to be abused as an adult,
14
is the same thing that in your adulthood that allows you to never be able to say no to people.
15
And I realized that I was the kind of child who was always searching for for love and affection and attention.
16
Unfortunately there are adults who will take advantage of that and misread your intentions.
17
Part of the process for me as an adult has been to come to recognize
18
that my inability as an adult female to say no is the same thing
19
that caused me to be victimized as a child.
20
Many times I would get myself into situations as an adult where I didn't want to say no
21
because I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
22
I didn't want to say no because I don't want anybody angry with me.
23
I didn't want to say no because I don't want people to think I'm not nice.
24
And it that to me has been the greatest lesson of my life is to recognize
25
that I am solely responsible for it and not trying to please other people, not living my life to please other people,
26
but doing what my heart says all the time.
27
That's the biggest lesson.
28
You know the other big lesson for me has been to
29
learn not only do you have the right to do whatever you want, you have the right to change your mind.
30
Like I'd say, oh but I have to
31
because I said I was gonna do it
32
and then later you think about it you realize I shouldn't be doing this
33
but I said I was gonna do it and I don't want to make anybody upset.
34
It's taken me 37 years to figure that out, to get that straight.
35
I think, oh my goodness, if I had learned this 20 years ago, all the time I could have saved.
36
Look where I could have been.
37
I don't know if men have this problem.
38
I think men who are, for instance, abused sexually or physically, that it manifests outwardly in some way,
39
that their anger and their rage takes on a different kind of direction.
40
I think women to a great extent, and I know many, many women who were sexually abused,
41
internalize it and then allow themselves to abuse themselves later on in life.
42
You know, you just don't allow yourself to be all that you can be, whereas a man will make it more external and will be angrier.
43
I don't believe that anything happens without a reason, and in order to believe that is the truth, you have to believe it in all circumstances.
44
If you're going to take responsibility for your life, then you have to take it in all forms.
45
I certainly wish that I had been the kind of child who told the first time.
46
And so because I wasn't the kind of child who did that,
47
a part of my mission in life now is to encourage every other child who's abused.
48
You tell.
49
You tell and if they don't believe you, you keep telling.
50
You tell everybody until somebody listens to you.
51
If nothing else, that's part of something good that came out of that experience for me.
52
Because I don't want it to happen to another child.
53
I don't want another child to be afraid of saying this is what happened to me.
54
I was living with my mother and living under circumstances
55
that a lot of young children have to deal with today
56
and if you'd asked me at the time
57
if we were poor I probably would have said no because
58
when you are living it
59
and you don't know anything else you think that's the way life is I think
60
that success is a process and I believe
61
that my first Easter speech at the age of three
62
and a half was the beginning and
63
that every other speech every other book I read every other time I spoke in public was a building block
64
so that by the time I first sat down to audition in front of a television camera,
65
what allowed me to read it so comfortably and be
66
so at ease with myself at that time was the fact that I'd been doing it a while.
67
If I'd never read a book, I'd never spoken in public before, I would have been traumatized by it.
68
So the fact that we went on the air with the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1986 nationally,
69
well it's because I've been being myself since I was 19.
70
I would not have been able to be as comfortable with myself had I not made mistakes on the air
71
and been allowed to make mistakes on the air and understand
72
that it doesn't matter there's no such thing to me as an embarrassing moment
73
if I tripped and fell if my bra strap showed
74
if I fell flat on my face there's no such thing as an embarrassing moment
75
because I know that there is not a moment
76
that I could possibly experience on the air
77
that somebody else hasn't already experienced it's no big deal
78
I can't be embarrassed I can't be embarrassed you can laugh at yourself
79
and you can make a mistake and it's not the end of the world.
80
You don't have to be perfect.
81
I truly believe that thoughts are the greatest vehicle to change power and success in the world.
82
Everything begins with thoughts.
83
I mean, the chairs that we're sitting in, the room that we're in, all started because somebody thought it.
84
I thought up
85
The Color Purple for myself.
86
I read the book.
87
When I heard that there was going to be a movie, I started talking it up for myself.
88
I felt it so intensely that I had to be a part of that movie.
89
I really do believe I created it for myself.
90
I wanted it more than anything in the world.
91
and would have done anything to do it.
92
It was all, I think, a part of the process of growth for me to recognize it can be done.
93
I had done a movie called Beloved, a book written by Toni Morrison.
94
I worked on that movie for 10 years, and then it came out and it bombed.
95
For the longest time, when I would read people say, read that people had said it was a bomb, I would get like, ugh,
96
clutched, because I couldn't even say the word bomb.
97
I couldn't say it failed.
98
It was, it felt like at the time, one of the biggest, you know, disasters of my career.
99
It felt like the saddest thing.
100
It sent me into depression.
101
And what I learned from that experience is what we talk about in the book,
102
is you take the thing that was the worst thing for you, the thing that was the challenge,
103
and you begin to look at what it was that you really benefited, or how you benefited from that thing.
104
And what I learned from that beloved experience, because at the time that it bombed, I went into depression about it.
105
My former depression was eating macaroni and cheese for breakfast every morning.
106
And about 40 pounds later, I was talking to a friend and they were saying, so why did this take you down so?
107
And I said, because I just wanted everybody to feel about that movie the way I felt about it.
108
I wanted people to understand that you could be an enslaved person, come through that and still have love.
109
And the person said to me, well, I felt that.
110
I said, well, I actually wanted millions of people, not just you.
111
And then I decided that from all of my work going forward, and that was in 1998 when it bombed,
112
I would no longer be attached to the work.
113
I would allow myself to detach from it
114
and just offer whatever I was doing offer it I say
115
this is what I'm doing this is what I would love for you to receive it in the manner in
116
which I'm giving it if you don't receive
117
that then the joy for me was in the giving of it this is the other thing
118
I think that's really important that I've come to on my own I just realized
119
that you reach a point where you have to ask yourself what is enough what is enough and you
120
You know, I live a really huge life surrounded by,
121
it was actually a goal of mine when I was first doing the color purple in 1985.
122
I remember writing in my journal then that if I ever get enough money, I want a house surrounded by beautiful things.
123
And so I have done that, I have achieved that over and then over and then over.
124
And I look around and I say, okay, you got enough.
125
It's okay.
126
I'm satisfied.
127
I have all the things that I need and so now I can focus on how do I take what I know,
128
what I've gained, who I've become in the world,
129
and how can I use that in service to other people in a way that makes them happier.
130
And that for me that's part of what this book is about.
131
This is the thing, I remember years ago during the beloved period actually
132
when I was being interviewed by a reporter
133
and then about a decade later I ran into the same reporter I didn't remember her
134
but she remembered me and she said yeah I remembered you I interviewed you during the beloved
135
so that was a time and she said
136
but no what I realized is
137
that you're the same person you just to become more of yourself
138
and I thought I actually think that's right I think
139
that one of the reasons why I am
140
so proud of myself is not just because I escaped apartheid Mississippi
141
and was able to get an education and becomes successful in life it's
142
because I have paid attention I have paid attention I am a great observer of my life
143
and the lives of other people and every day on
144
that show it was a classroom for people who were viewing but it was a major classroom for me.
145
And so I learned by watching other people's dysfunction, their struggles,
146
their triumphs, celebrating in their joys about the meaning of life and what it means to live a full and engaged life.
147
And I learned that one of the most important things that everybody is looking for is to be validated,
148
to be seen, and to know that they matter.
149
And that no matter who you are, Barack Obama, The first time he came on the show as senator.
150
He finished the interview and said, that good?
151
Is that all right?
152
Good for you?
153
Beyonce, when she finished teaching me how to twerk, said, was that all right?
154
When I interviewed a woman who had lost three of her children to cancer, she said, did I do okay?
155
And what I realized is in one form or another, at the end of every conversation, people would say that.
156
And I started to see the pattern and understood that what people really want is to know, did you hear me?
157
Did you see me?
158
And did what I say mean anything to you?
159
And in recognizing that, I was able to become a better interviewer
160
because I can give you that thing that you're looking for.
161
I know how to help you be better in that seat, just as you're doing with us here today.
162
Be better in that seat and tell your story in a way that when you leave here, you got what you wanted.
163
I would say be easy with yourself.
164
Be easy with yourself.
165
And it's all going to work out because one of the primary,
166
I think, principles that has led me to success is intention
167
and I think clarifying the intention based on the principles
168
that we set out and the guidelines and manual work that we set out in the book, clarifying the intention, your reason for being.
169
I mean, we talk in the book about asking yourself the question about what you're willing to live for
170
and what you're willing to die for and getting clear on that because that is really the real work of your life.
171
Everybody's going to find a job that's going to be able to bring you money and you're going to be successful.
172
You're going to get all of that.
173
But why were you really brought here?
174
By whatever means you think you got here.
175
Why are you really here?
176
You've come here to serve and you've come here to love.
177
And how are you going to use your service in love?
178
First and foremost to yourself because you've got, the work is not to make yourself perfect, but to start to begin to make yourself whole.
179
How are you going to do that?
180
How do you fill yourself up to be a whole person, a full person of kindness,
181
of grace, and being able to offer
182
that into the world along with all the wonderful skills you all are going to have?
183
How do you offer that into the world in service
184
that lifts you up and allows you to meet the rising of your life and lifts other people up.
185
And so changing the paradigm to how, not just what am I gonna do, but how am I going to serve?
186
How am I going to serve?
187
And my prayer for myself since I was a little girl is God use me, God use me.
188
And whether you believe in my God or your God or no God,
189
the question is how can you be used in service with all this work you're putting in, all this stuff that you're doing,
190
you're doing that for what?
191
You're doing that to be of service, first and foremost to yourself, your family and your community.
192
And then how do you push that out into the world?
193
And if the world is 20 people, 20 ,000 people, 20 million people as it was with me every day,
194
it does not matter because what really matters is that you're building legacy.
195
This is the greatest definition of legacy I ever heard.
196
When I opened my school in South Africa for young girls, one of them is here today,
197
who's now grown in law school and starting work in New York.
198
But I opened that school for girls who were like me.
199
I grew up in rural Mississippi, no running water, no electricity.
200
My grandmother and I on what I thought was a farm, and I went back and realized it was just an acre.
201
It was so big in my mind.
202
I went back, oh, this is not a farm.
203
This is actually just a yard.
204
When I was growing up there, I had a dream for myself.
205
I remember being out with my grandmother washing clothes in a big iron pot because we didn't have a washing machine,
206
of course, and her putting clothes on the line and saying,
207
you better watch me because one day you're going to have to learn how to do this for yourself.
208
And I will tell you that the voice inside myself, that all of us have, that feeling, that spirit, that inner voice.
209
That voice at four years old said, Mm -mm, mm -mm, this is not going to be my life.
210
But I had sense enough not to tell my grandmother.
211
I had sense enough not to say that out loud, but I could feel inside myself.
212
I'm not going to be doing this.
213
And it turned out to be true.
214
But what I do know now is what
215
Maya Angelou told me about legacy.
216
When I came back from opening the school, I said, Maya, the school is going to be my greatest legacy.
217
These girls are amazing.
218
And I can't even tell you, the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy is going to be the great.
219
She said, you have no idea what your legacy is going to be.
220
I said, oh, no, I'm telling you, it's going to be these girls.
221
You should have been there.
222
You should have seen it.
223
She was making biscuits at the time and she put the dough down
224
When Maya puts the dough down get back
225
She said I said you have no idea what your legacy will be
226
Because your legacy is not your name on a building
227
Your legacy isn't even the lives of those girls.
228
It's every life you touch
229
Your legacy is every life you touch and you are building your legacy here and now.
230
So everything that you do going forward, every life that you encounter and experience and the way you treat yourself
231
and the way you treat other people is building your legacy.
232
So think about it in terms of the bigger goal and meeting the rising that is there waiting for you.
233
And the fact that you've gotten here and all the things that you had to overcome means you've already won.
234
So go forward, that's what I say.
235
One of the challenges, especially when you're going through anything, is not allowing the emotions to take over you,
236
and to be able to separate the feeling from who you know yourself to be,
237
and being able to have that little space in between where you can be the observer of the feeling, when you can observe the feeling
238
and not be absorbed by the feeling you can feel it
239
and then take the wheel for yourself it's just like you know
240
when i was eight years old i memorized invictus
241
and at the time i was reciting out of the night
242
that covers me black as a pit from pole the pole
243
i didn't know what the hell i was talking about at eight years old
244
but i did know that the last stanza i am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul,
245
that had meaning for me even at eight years old.
246
And so as I've grown into myself, become more of who I was meant to be,
247
the mastery of that comes when you can separate those emotions and feelings from the who of who you are.
248
So The Oprah Winfrey Show was on for 25 years, was the most successful television talk show in the history of all television.
249
I did it for 25 years.
250
Never missed a day.
251
Never missed a day.
252
And the reason it was the most successful is because around the second year of it,
253
I changed the motivation and intention of the show.
254
I went from just trying to be a talk show competing with everybody else in the rat race of ratings
255
and literally sat down with my producers and said, how do we use this show as a force for good how do we
256
and that came after doing three shows in a row i'd done a show with the ku klux clan
257
and i realized in the middle of that show that i wasn't helping anybody i thought i was
258
exposing their vitriol when in fact they were using their appearance on the show to recruit other members
259
and so i could feel that going on in the audience
260
and then another show that we did with on people who had infidelities
261
and a husband had come on with his with his wife
262
and his girlfriend the producers were so happy that they got the husband
263
and the wife and the girlfriend and in the middle of
264
that show the husband humiliated his wife and said she's pregnant
265
on national television and when that happened i was so ashamed that that had happened on my platform I said,
266
this will never happen to me again, and I will never do a show like the Klan again.
267
And so my producers were like, well, what are we going to do?
268
I said, we're going to turn this around,
269
and we're going to, nobody bring me an idea that you are not clear about what the intention is.
270
And we are going to only do shows that come from the intention of how can we best serve the audience.
271
And I'm telling you, after every show, there was a meeting to say, did we serve the intention?
272
Did we do what we say we wanted to do? and how can we do it better the next time.
273
And that is when the joy, the happiness, the level of satisfaction,
274
the level of pleasure and everything changed for me in doing that show.
275
And it's also when the numbers took off.
276
All sort of happened at the same time, but it was because it was intentional.
277
and we were trying to use it as a service and not just as a show.
278
My favorite quotes of all time is Martin Luther King, who says, not everybody can be famous,
279
but everybody can be great because greatness is determined by service.
280
And what I found is no matter what it is you're doing for other people,
281
no matter how tedious or menial the job may seem to you,
282
that if you shift the paradigm of whatever your work is to how do I use this to serve, How can I be of service?
283
Whether it's your talents, whatever it is you're offering, if it is offered in service, the shifting of the paradigm to I'm going to use
284
this to serve makes a world of difference in the way you put
285
that energy out into the world and the way that it comes back to you.
286
That's what I learned from doing the show.
287
My life is fueled by my being and the being fuels the doing.
288
So I come from a centered place.
289
I come from a focused place.
290
I come from compassion, it's just my nature.
291
I come from a willingness to understand and to be understood.
292
And I come from wanting to connect.
293
I mean, the secret of that show for 25 years is that people could see themselves in me.
294
All over the world, they could see themselves in me.
295
And even as I became more and more financially successful, which was a big surprise to me,
296
I was like, oh my god, this is so exciting.
297
I got more than 30 ,000 by the time I was 30.
298
So, but what I realized is through the whole process, because I'm grounded in my own self,
299
that although I could have more shoes, my feet stayed on the ground, although I was wearing better shoes.
300
So I could keep my feet on the ground, even though I could get more shoes.
301
And I could understand, I could understand that it really was because I was grounded,
302
was doing and continue to this day to do the consciousness work.
303
I work at staying awake.
304
And being awakened is just another word for spirituality, but spirituality throws people off and they think you mean religion.
305
When I was hiring people for my company looking for presidents, when people would come in,
306
I'd say, tell me, what is your spiritual practice? and literally people go, well, I'm not religious.
307
I said, I didn't ask you about your religion.
308
I asked you what's your spiritual practice.
309
What do you do to take care of yourself?
310
What do you do to keep yourself centered?
311
What do you do to the, and you know, one woman started crying, you know, that's not the person.
312
Everything is fueled that comes from me really wanting to be a better person on earth.
313
And this is what I know to be true.
314
The reason why the show worked is because I understood that audience,
315
my viewers, the people who watched us every day and would come and just like you all did,
316
get tickets and they would come with their family.
317
You all just came across campus, but that's good too.
318
People would come from all over the world just to be there with their aunts
319
and their mothers and they'd come with their cousins and there'd be a few men in there going, what the hell?
320
Or saying, well, I went to Oprah with you.
321
I went to Oprah and I'll at least give me clear for three or four weeks I went to Oprah with you.
322
I had such regard for that and I just had a conversation with John Mackey who runs
323
Whole Food and has written this fabulous book you should get it called Conscious Capitalism
324
and he was talking about how the investment in the stakeholders the people who you are serving
325
that connection between the people who you're trying to serve
326
and sell to is equally as important as the people who you're buying from, equally as important as the people who are,
327
you know, supporting you financially, as your stockholders if you are, you know, a public company.
328
So I always understood that there really was no difference between me and the audience.
329
At times I might have had better shoes, but at the core of what really matters, that we are the same.
330
And you know how I know that? because all of us are seeking the same thing.
331
You're here at this fabulous school and we'll go out into the world
332
and each pursue based upon what you believe your talents are, what your skills are, maybe your gifts are,
333
but you're seeking the same thing.
334
Everybody wants to fulfill the highest, truest expression of yourself as a human being.
335
That's what you're looking for the highest, truest expression of yourself as a human being.
336
And because I understand that, I understand that if you're working in a bakery and that's where you want to be,
337
that may be what you've always wanted to do is to bake pies for people
338
or bake cakes for people or to offer your gift, then that's for you.
339
And there's no difference between you and me, except that's your platform.
340
That's your show every day.
341
So my understanding of that.. has allowed me to reach everyone.
342
And there's no way that you wouldn't, because that's what I truly feel.
343
I first came across this question,
344
what happened to you, when I was doing an interview with Dr. Bruce Perry a couple of years ago for 60
345
Minutes Story I was doing.
346
Now I've known Dr. Perry for over 30 years.
347
I first started interviewing him in the early 90s, late 80s, early 90s on the Oprah show,
348
when we were talking about raising children and how important it is those first zero to six years.
349
So I've been hearing about what it means to nurture and support the brain early on.
350
It wasn't until that conversation a couple of years ago.
351
I don't know whether, I think it's because of where I was in my life at the time.
352
I opened a school in South Africa.
353
I've had these wonderful, brilliant girls who come from traumatic backgrounds.
354
grow up and have really serious mental health issues.
355
And I was trying to, at the time, figure out what are we doing wrong at our school?
356
Something's really wrong here.
357
And in that interview with Dr. Perry,
358
he said, you know, most people ask the question when kids are not behaving the way you want them to behave, or what's wrong with them,
359
we really should be asking about what's happened to you.
360
It was like a major moment, like I got it in a way that I hadn't received it before.
361
And I realized that it's not just for children that you ask that question, but it's really everybody.
362
And that moment, Bruce, as I've said to you many times, Dr. Perry, changed the way I saw my relationships, how I saw my own life,
363
how I interacted with people.
364
And even in politics where it was so crazy in the past four years, and everybody's always talking about what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong.
365
I would always say, I wonder what happened to that person.
366
I wonder what happened to them younger that caused them to be this way.
367
So all of the labels that you just gave, Jay, there is a world of labels.
368
There is, you know, overachiever.
369
There is, you know, obsessive compulsive moms, soccer moms.
370
There is the desire to, you know, please people all the time.
371
There's a multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple labels that refer back to what happened to us.
372
And so I will just say this.
373
One of the things that Bruce says in the book, each of us comes into the world with our own worldview.
374
And that worldview is actually shaped from the crib.
375
And you get from the world what you project into the world
376
and you project into the world what you were raised with and what you were raised around.
377
So that's why what happened to you is the essential question.
378
The younger the children are, the more influence you have, not only on who they become,
379
but on what their brain becomes because if you're surrounded by chaos
380
and dysfunction and loudness and disorder at a zero to two months,
381
it means the synapse in your brain doesn't form in the way that it does in children who have had that.
382
And you are more likely for behavioral problems, health problems, all other problems in life,
383
just because you didn't get what you needed from zero to two months.
384
That is what is so amazing.
385
I thought trauma prior to my conversations with Bruce in doing this book,
386
I thought trauma had to be a big gigantic thing, experience.
387
You had to go through a tsunami, literally, if not literally a tsunami, a tsunami -like crisis in your life a fire,
388
a hurricane, a tragedy, a car accident, a stabbing, somebody died.
389
And it was through co -authoring this book with him that I understood that it was the consistent little things.
390
It was the aggressions and microaggressions in a person's life that causes them to have their own worldview.
391
Whatever that worldview is for you is different from me.
392
So the biggest learning for me is that trauma doesn't have to have a great big old capital T on it.
393
It's really how you were loved.
394
And that neglect and trauma are hand in hand because both are equally as toxic.
395
Over the years of interviewing people, it was my greatest classroom.
396
I was always paying attention to what people were saying and paying attention to their lives.
397
And what I understood and could articulate, not through science, but just through my own observation,
398
is that, oh, people are as dysfunctional, as unhappy,
399
as.. disoriented in their lives based on how far they are from the center of themselves.
400
And the center is where wholeness lies, as you know.
401
And so where there is no center and there is no sense of wholeness and love for yourself,
402
there's going to be disarray, chaos, confusion, and, you know, dysfunction in your life.
403
And I saw that over and over and over again, that people behave based on how they were loved
404
and then how they were able to process that in a way to love other people.
405
Well, you start with understanding that your cup being full is how you allow yourself to give to other people.
406
You can't give what you don't have.
407
You can't love if you haven't been loved.
408
You don't even know how to begin to do that.
409
So I think it begins with fundamentally understanding that you are worthy enough,
410
you are valuable enough, you matter enough to give yourself the love that you deserve.
411
And that starts by taking out time for yourself.
412
So I have my own rhythm and pattern.
413
I know that if I go six days and then on the seventh, by the seventh or eighth,
414
don't give myself a break that lots of other things give.
415
That I'm not as alert, I'm not as attuned, I'm not as centered, I'm not as focused.
416
So I know that that is my limit.
417
I cannot go beyond a certain amount of days.
418
And for me, walking in nature is my solace.
419
It is where I feel that I am one with all and all being, you know, all creation and connected.
420
For other people, it may be dancing, it may be music, it may be knitting,
421
it may be whatever it is that brings some kind of rhythmic pattern into your life.
422
Actually, it was Bruce and I were walking on my campus in South Africa, and there were a group of girls dancing,
423
literally, on the lawn, because Lord knows they love to dance.
424
And Bruce says, oh, that's not just fun.
425
I said, oh, they're just having fun.
426
And Bruce said, oh, they're not just having fun, they actually are healing themselves.
427
The rhythmic pattern, that's why when you've been in an argument with someone
428
or you're in the middle of an argument with somebody,
429
if you just go and take a walk or you go and turn on some music and you start dancing,
430
if you just have some form of movement, you feel better.
431
That's number one.
432
Number two, one of the most important things most most important takeaways from
433
what happened to you i believe is understanding how the brain works
434
and that diagram that's on page 26
435
or 27 about the inverted brain being like a triangle
436
so you see
437
that beginning with the brain stem that's the lower part of the brain all the way to the cortex
438
and through the limbic area you understand that um you understand
439
that when you're upset or in fear or angry
440
or are in an antagonized state
441
and you're trying to reason with a person a child your spouse your boss your friend
442
they literally cannot hear you because the reasoning part of the brain is in the cortex
443
and what you're saying is only reaching the brain stem
444
So whenever somebody is dysregulated, which is what that is, being anxious and fearful and yelling and screaming,
445
the thing to do is to calm yourself first.
446
Then you will be able to help that other person get calm and regulated.
447
That's how you get to reason.
448
But if you both are just yelling at each other, literally, and you're going, you don't hear me and you don't hear me either.
449
They actually cannot hear you.
450
That's what I thought was so fascinating.
451
I was in a boardroom having to confront someone in my 40s
452
and I had so much anxiety about the fact that I was going to have to have this confrontation with somebody.
453
Normal disagreements would cause me a great sense of angst
454
and worry and oh my god and what's going to happen and I just said what where is this coming from?
455
Why am I so afraid when I am the one in the power seat?
456
I am Oprah Winfrey running the Harpo Studios, my name spelled backwards, I'm the person in charge,
457
and in order to have a disagreement with somebody I go through so much angst.
458
And I realized, Jay, that even though I had the power.
459
I still felt that every confrontation, I was going to get a whipping, that a whipping was going to result.
460
That thing that used to come up inside me when I had to walk to get my own switch.
461
Oh, where is this feeling coming?
462
I'm feeling like in every confrontation, I'm going to get a whipping.
463
And at the end of it, that person's going to be mad at me.
464
And at the end of it, that person's going to say, you better not act like you're mad.
465
You know, all the things that happened to me as a kid.
466
So it wasn't until I was a full -grown adult in my own seat of,
467
you know, perceived power, feeling those feelings of anxiety and anxiousness, having to have the slightest bit of confrontation.
468
So what I say in what happened to me is that being beaten as a child,
469
having to be subservient to other people's ideals of what it means to be a child meaning you are seen
470
and not heard so i've grown up to have this big personality
471
but being raised in an environment where children are seen
472
and not heard and your opinions do not matter
473
so what happened to me taught me
474
that my opinions do not matter keep your opinions to yourself
475
and do whatever you can to please other people so
476
that other people will like you so that other people will not be upset with you.
477
And I will have to tell you, it is also for me, not for everybody else, but for me,
478
one of the reasons why I was so susceptible to sexual abuse,
479
because I had been taught and trained not to speak up for myself,
480
that whatever somebody wanted to do who was older than me or in a position of authority,
481
that they had rights that I did not so that what happened to me was ingrained in a way that,
482
you know, literally caused me to be a major people pleaser for a great deal of my life.
483
If you come into success and fame, and particularly fame, because fame is its own world and definition,
484
because it really is based upon what other people think of you.
485
So because fame isn't what you think of yourself, it's what other people think of you.
486
If you come into that and you don't have a grounded,
487
centered self, you will be controlled by the outside instead of the inside.
488
And if you come into that not in the fullness of knowing who you are
489
and what you're supposed to do with that fame.
490
Whenever somebody likes you or doesn't like you, that determines whether or not you're having a good day or a bad day.
491
And you have lost control of your own life.
492
So I think what fame teaches you quickly is to grow the wholeness within yourself
493
so that you're not controlled by others' outside opinions of you.
494
I have people that I trust and one of the things
495
that if I may pat myself on the back for is
496
that I try to surround myself with people who are smarter than I am.
497
I think that the ability to be as good as you can be comes from understanding who you are
498
and what you can and cannot do
499
and what you can't do is far more important than what you can do
500
if what you can't do is going to keep you from flying as high as you can.
501
I think the most important thing to get ahead falls back to what what I truly believe in
502
and that is the ability to seek truth in your life
503
and that's on all forms you have to be honest with yourself you can be pursuing a profession
504
because your parents say it's the best thing you can be pursuing a profession
505
because you think you'll make a lot of money you can be pursuing a profession
506
because you think you're gonna get a lot of attention none of
507
that will do you any good if you're not being honest with yourself
508
and the honesty comes from your your natural born instinct will tell you
509
when you're doing something whether or not this feels right you feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment
510
and worthiness to the world in such a way
511
that you know you're doing the right thing you don't have to ask anybody
512
when you're doing the right thing you don't have to say you think this is okay
513
it's like and it works on every level whether
514
or not you're going to a party or you're choosing a dress
515
or you're choosing a friend
516
if you ever have to say do you think this is okay chances are it is not
517
because that's your instinct trying to get you to ask yourself that question maybe this isn't okay
App downloaden
Alles wat je nodig hebt om vloeiend te spreken
AI UitspraakScoor elke zin
IPA OefeningBeheers elk geluid
WoordenschatBouw je woordenschat op
WoordenspelLeren terwijl je speelt
FOR YOU
Aanbevolen Video
C111
7 zinnen
The Truth About What Should Motivate You
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C1110 zinnen
Her Near-Death Experience Came with an Unthinkable Warning
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C11
453 zinnen
Lewis Howes: Watch This If You Never Want to Be Broke Again
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
10 zinnen
Oprah Winfrey- Inspirational Speech | Motivation | Incredible You
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C16
105 zinnen
the desire to be loved
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C14
29 zinnen
This one trait differentiates people who succeed and people who fail | Robert Herjavec
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
107 zinnen
Life of an Adult Child of a Narcissist Explained in 8 Minutes
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C11
162 zinnen
The Most Valuable 15 Minutes You'll Spend Today | Oprah Winfrey Motivation.
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C11
477 zinnen
The Only 28 Minutes You Need To Transform Your Life | Joe Dispenza Motivation
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C11
15 zinnen
The Journey Will Show You What You're Truly Capable Of
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C12
265 zinnen
Nothing and Nobody Will Ever Hurt You Again – Carl Jung
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
382 zinnen
Choose Happiness Even When Life Hurts! | Motivational Speech by Oprah Winfrey
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles is gebaseerd op de video “Oprah Winfrey - You Will Never Be The Same Again”. Deze video bevat 517 zinnen en 6916 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 39:38. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 174 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 86% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
15 woorden uit de video die het leren waard zijn, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| legacy zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈlɛɡəsi/ | legaat |
| intention zelfstandig naamwoord | /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/ | voornemen, opzet |
| fame zelfstandig naamwoord | /feɪm/ | bekendheid, roem |
| cousin zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkʌz(ə)n/ | neef, nicht |
| pursue werkwoord | /pɚˈsu/ | achtervolgen |
| beloved bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /bɪˈlʌvd/ | geliefd, bemind |
| trauma zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈtɹɔm.ə/ | trauma |
| surround werkwoord | /səˈɹaʊnd/ | omgeven, omringen |
| confrontation zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/ | confrontatie |
| lesson zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈlɛs.ən/ | les |
| producer zelfstandig naamwoord | /pɹəˈdjuːsə/ | producent, vervaardiger |
| label zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈleɪ.bəl/ | etiket, label |
| equally bijwoord | /ˈiːkwəli/ | even, gelijk |
| classroom zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈklɑːsɹʊm/ | klaslokaal |
| grandmother zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/ | grootmoeder, oma |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| come across werkwoord | overkomen | |
| go back werkwoord | teruggaan | |
| grow up werkwoord | opgroeien | |
| come out werkwoord | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | uitkomen |
| figure out werkwoord | uitvogelen, er achter komen | |
| set out werkwoord | /ˈsɛt‿aʊt/ | uitzetten, uiteenzetten |
| take off werkwoord | uittrekken, afzetten | |
| take over werkwoord | overnemen |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- Why are you really here?
- How are you going to do that?
- How am I going to serve?
- I'd say, tell me, what is your spiritual practice?
- What do you do to take care of yourself?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — iets dat eerder begon en nog bezig is | I've been being · I've been hearing |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | has been · hasn't already experienced · I've come |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | was raped · be abused · be victimized |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | men who are · women who were · people who were |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 154 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, don't, I'm. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, seventh /ˈsɛvənθ/, worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, eighth /eɪtθ/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/, confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, profession /pɹəˈfɛʃ.ən/, dysfunction /dɪsˈfʌŋk.ʃən/, wash /wɑʃ/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: confrontation /ˌkɑn.fɹənˈteɪ.ʃən/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/, electricity /ɪˌlɛkˈtɹɪsɪti/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: beloved /bɪˈlʌvd/, surround /səˈɹaʊnd/, behave /bɪˈheɪv/, encourage /ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/, whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, paradigm /ˈpæɹ.ə.daɪm/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, fabulous /ˈfæbjʊləs/, embarrassed /ɪmˈbæɹ.əst/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: legacy /ˈlɛɡəsi/, grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, anger /ˈæŋɡə/, regard /ɹɪˈɡɑːd/, ongoing /ɒnˈɡəʊ.ɪŋ/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als legacy, intention, fame.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.