Shadowing Practice: 10 habits that make people secretly respect you - Learn English Speaking with Video
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If you want more people to start respecting you in your daily life, then first you need to start respecting yourself before anything.
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And that's why that point is number one.
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Respecting yourself is the foundation to having others and allowing others to respect you.
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Because if you're constantly putting yourself down,
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you're constantly ignoring your needs and you're constantly doing things that you said you wouldn't do just to please other people,
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then people are going to start getting used to that expectation.
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People are going to start getting used to the fact that you are available all the time, that you always agree with them,
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that you don't have an opinion,
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you don't have a place to stand and that you don't also follow up with what you actually want to do.
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So the first thing you have to do is respect yourself.
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Start talking more positive about yourself start being able to set those standards
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and start following your heart and doing what you actually want to do
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and when you start putting yourself first you will notice
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that this starts to happen number two you need to be okay
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and learn to disappoint people
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and i'm not saying disappointing people in a negative way about being a bad friend
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you know not being there for them and being rude to them.
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No, absolutely not.
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But you need to separate disappointing people and doing what's wrong and right.
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Right.
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So how many times do you think to yourself, when you say no to a friend because you can't do something,
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when you say no to a date because they have hurt you
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and you don't really want to give somebody a second chance, it feels wrong.
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You feel like disappointing people is wrong.
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So you feel like the only right thing
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that you can do is take that person back or say yes to that friend because it feels right.
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Because otherwise you're going to feel guilty that you've done something wrong, you've disappointed them and that means that you are in the wrong.
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But there is a difference.
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You can disappoint people and still not be wrong.
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Because when we are so afraid of disappointing other people, guess what happens we always end up disappointing ourselves
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we don't do what we say we want to do we don't actually listen to what we actually want
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because we're always thinking about pleasing them
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and that's okay but there are times where you have to understand where your energy
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and listen to yourself to where you are first your energy has to be first yourself has to be first
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you have to set that boundary otherwise people will never know where they stand with you
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and that does come with unfortunately disappointing people but they will respect you more for that.
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They won't do the things that you don't want to do.
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They will know where the boundary, where the line is and if you don't set that line
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and you don't learn to disappoint people then you will continue being taken advantage of,
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feeling frustrated, feeling upset and people will continue to overstep that bar in your friendship or relationship.
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Number three, if you want to be respected more do not say yes to people at the expense of yourself.
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Now I used to do this all the time.
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I used to say yes to absolutely everything, not because I wanted to, but because I didn't want to let the other person down,
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even though I knew I couldn't do it in my day
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or I could fit in the tiniest little bit in my day.
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I could squeeze it in that little energy that I might have at the end of the day,
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I would give to that person rather than myself.
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And what I mean by this, for example, let's say I'm getting to know somebody, I'm going on a date,
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or I'm in the early stages of a relationship.
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I would always say yes and accommodate them without ever accommodating myself.
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So even though I would have a busy work week, I knew I had a lot planned in the evening,
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or maybe I had the gym in the evening, for example, I would still say yes to that person and probably skip gym.
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I'd still go, oh, it's okay, I don't have to go to the gym today.
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I will see that person.
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Or, you know, I know I've got work to do.
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I know I have to work on my business or I have to work on myself, but I'm not going to do that.
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And instead, I'm going to go and see that person.
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I would always do this and then wonder why in relationships and in dating and even in friendships, I would lose myself.
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So make sure that in a friendship, in a relationship, that of course you have to compromise.
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You have to also consider their needs, but you need to make sure it's also meeting yours.
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And I was never doing that.
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For me, it was always thinking 100 % about them, 0 % about what actually I wanted and needed at that time, in that day.
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Number four, let people disagree with you without changing your opinion.
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I always treated other people's opinions as more valid than mine.
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Oh, by the way, I have just finished watching Vampire Diaries.
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I absolutely loved it.
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It was amazing.
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Did you see it?
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You liked the Vampire Diaries?
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I don't know, I thought that show was so overrated.
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Yeah, well, I mean, it's more of a background show, you know what I mean?
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So I just put it on in the background sometimes, but...
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I would straight away in some ways just eliminate my opinion as
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if it didn't matter because I was so afraid of losing them
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and I just wanted to please them and I just wanted for them to kind of view me in this certain way.
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You know, if one of their deal breakers was the fact that they, let's say, for example, they didn't want like someone who liked gaming,
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I would change my opinion about gaming and I'd be like,
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well, you know, I could quit gaming even though I liked gaming and I like to do it.
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because I was so afraid of losing that person.
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It was easier for me to compromise my own opinion, my own beliefs about things and go,
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yeah, well, you know, I can quit gaming and I can stop doing
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that if it means that I keep this person because I'm so afraid that they're going to judge me.
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Like, for example, for me, a massive thing with my partner, I never told her I did social media for so long.
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I never spoke about it.
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I never wanted to do it in front of her
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because I always thought that it would be something that she would judge, that she would be like, well, that's lame.
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I don't want to date someone who does social media because not gonna lie, I've had that before.
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So I almost kind of quit my dream,
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the things that I liked for other people because I was willing to give that up for the sake of,
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well, if I have to have a relationship, maybe this isn't right doing this social media thing.
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But then my partner one day said to me, you know, that was one of the most attractive things about you.
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The fact that you were different, the fact that you did social media, the fact that you had a passion and a dream.
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And I'm sat there thinking this whole time, this unique opinion or view perspective that I have of life,
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you know, making videos and sharing and talking to the camera was weird and unattractive.
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People won't like it.
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And I was willing to give up that for somebody else.
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And then they say that's the best thing about me.
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The fact that I was different and had a passion, that was the most attractive thing about me.
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So don't change your opinion for somebody else.
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Be okay with the fact that they might disagree with it.
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So many times at the start of a relationship, we try and pretend to be someone we're not, but that mask is going to come off
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and then they're going to realize who we actually are six months in
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so you might as well at the start be yourself
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and let them decide whether they like that it's okay
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if they disagree maybe they're not for you
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but maybe it might also be the best thing that ever happened
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because you'll meet somebody who genuinely likes you for you instead of this potential version
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that you're always portraying to them this perfect person who has nothing wrong who will always give up
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and kind of bend backwards for the other person.
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Number five, be open to understanding different perspectives.
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Be the one who is not afraid to say in a conversation, if I'm completely honest, I actually prefer working from home.
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It's really nice.
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Oh really?
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How come?
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What makes you like working from home?
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I mean, I personally prefer working from an office, but I get why people would want to do it.
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Instead of, really?
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See, I don't get that.
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See, I've never worked from home.
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I've never wanted to work from home.
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Now for me, whenever I'm having a chat with somebody, whenever I'm meeting somebody new,
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I will lose respect for them very quickly if I'm completely honest
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if they always have to feel like their opinion is right.
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They always have to be right even about the smallest of things and this point kind of does exclude,
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you know, the really big world views in life, right?
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Of course, understandably you can have your own opinions
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and perspectives about things that's absolutely okay
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but for me it's more about the daily life the small opinions the small factual things where you know
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you're having a daily conversation with somebody
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and no matter what they've always got to be in the right they've never done something wrong
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you know they can never take accountability for what they've done
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or they never view themselves as wrong or their perspective
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or their opinion is wrong be the one who actually whether you agree with them
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or not tries to learn about people tries to learn about
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why they view certain things in a certain way why they like certain things
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and why they don't like certain things because after
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that people will genuinely care
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and respect you a lot more for being open about their opinion
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and open about their view and about what they like rather than just shutting it down
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or avoiding the topic all in all number six be the
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dumbest person in as many rooms as you can possibly be
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if you are walking into rooms right now you know on a daily basis
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and you are the smartest person there you're the smartest person at work
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you're the smartest person in your friendship group you are probably in the wrong environment
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when you actually put yourself in the room with the smartest people your growth will accelerate
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so quickly and for
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so many years i was putting myself in the wrong environments
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you know i had the wrong you know i didn't have people who were interested in the same things
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that I was interested in.
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I wasn't able to have those daily conversations
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that were allowing me to grow and learn from people who have already done it.
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So for you
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that might look like you know maybe looking at you know asking to change department at work
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and learning a new space in that work.
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Maybe you go and apply to more jobs to where you know you get higher pay
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and it's going to be more challenging and high intensity
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but you're willing to put yourself in that situation whatever it might be.
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Don't be afraid to put yourself in that situation because you don't know where that's going to take you in your life.
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Number seven, speak up when somebody else gets interrupted.
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Now, this is a very quick one, more of a conversational tip.
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But this will help you really gain respect for people in conversations who might not feel that scene.
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We've all been there, right, when we're telling a story.
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And then all of a sudden that one person goes, Oh, so yesterday I was walking home from work and this guy said to me,
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he said, Now, quickly before I forget about yesterday, did you see what happened at work?
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Oh my gosh, yeah, that was crazy.
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I can't believe she said that.
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And boom, everybody else is looking the other way.
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We feel like no one else is looking at us and we all of a sudden shrink.
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We shrink so much to where we're like, were these people even listening to me?
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No one actually cares what I'm saying.
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We stop talking.
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But I see when other people go, sorry, mate, I completely cut you off there.
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Continue your story you were saying.
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Respect.
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And allow them to make them feel seen
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because as somebody who's been in that situation
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so many times where I'm thinking they're listening
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and then all of a sudden mid -conversation they interrupt me
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and I'm like well okay you weren't listening you don't really care what I'm saying.
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I've had that happen to me so many times.
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Number eight, praise in public, correct in private.
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Tom how are you doing by the way?
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I actually been seeing a couple videos on your for you page
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I've been close to unfollowing to be honest
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it's come up all the time seems to be going well not no
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I'm joking I'm joking it's a joke I'm joking
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one of the most important things
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that you can do in a public situation in a group
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conversation is never at the expense of anybody else make them a joke
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and I mean that in a really serious way somebody who's been in
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that situation you know if there's a hobby
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that I like you know I've been posting content for 10 years
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I was in school people were laughing at me I have done a lot of humiliating things in my life
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and I have been the one who has been you know
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when I've been laughed at for the expense of making other people seem funny
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and for the expense of everybody else laughing in the group
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and I can't tell you how much as a person
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that really made me lose respect for other people
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and also made me feel really less of a person and less of a friend to that person
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now if there is something that you want to correct about somebody else maybe you didn't agree with that opinion.
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Maybe they did humiliate you a little bit.
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Maybe, you know, somebody did do something wrong or maybe someone has got something in their nose.
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Correct them in private always.
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Number nine, be ready before they arrive.
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Do not be that friend.
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You know, if somebody is genuinely bending over backwards for you, maybe they're coming to pick you up.
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Maybe they're going to give you a lift somewhere.
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Maybe they're going to do a favor for you.
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Do not be the one who keeps them waiting and waiting
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and waiting every single time you know
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if you say a time to somebody at a coffee shop just
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because of your lack of standards and for yourself they end up waiting
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and paying for it
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because you know you said to them you'd meet them at the coffee shop at one
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and now it's two o 'clock
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and they're still waiting sure understandably things happen in life keep people up to date
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if anything happens maybe you're stuck in traffic maybe things go wrong
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that always happens but if you're consistently showing up really late
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and always not following through on the things
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that you said you do you know
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if you said you're going to do a favor for them
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or you said you're going to arrive at this time
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you're going to do this for them maybe you're going to even pull up at their house at this time
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but you're always late
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and you're keeping them waiting those people are very quickly going to lose respect for you do not be
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that friend who just receives, receives, receives, receives and never pays the favour back to them.
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Of course, also don't be that friend who gives, gives, gives, gives to people who aren't giving you their energy back.
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There has to be a fair middle there.
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And finally, number 10, show, don't tell.
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Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you, I'm thinking about launching my business this week.
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Yeah, I'm gonna launch it this week.
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Hey mate, how did the business launch go?
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So, well, yeah, I haven't done it yet.
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Yeah, I'm still, I'm about to.
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I'm about to, I just haven't started, yeah.
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Just haven't set it up before.
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There's a really, really funny saying that apparently the first date is the best impression you'll ever get of that person.
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Everything else, it goes downhill after that.
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And in some ways, I kind of agree with that.
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Because on the first date, it's so easy to paint this picture that you are the perfect person
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when you first meet somebody say oh yeah
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I work in this I do this I'm starting
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this I go to the gym I have a business
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I have all these great things happening in my life for me personally
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I lose a lot of respect for people who kind of tell me that they're going to do all these things
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but don't actually show me that they're doing what they're doing
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and for me I lose respect for people like
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that I'm like what are you trying to prove
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if you're not actually going to do these things just be honest
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and say about it don't pretend that you are this person who you are not
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because that will make me not be able to trust you
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and not be able to understand in a conversation what is right
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and what is wrong because as a friend perspective I feel like
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if you're seeing that your friend isn't doing the things
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that they should do for themselves how can you expect those friends to show up for you
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if they can't even show up for themselves this is why respecting yourself is
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so important because if you do show and like if you are
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if you show yourself that you can do things and you do do what you say you want to do
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then people are going to see that
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and people are going to be able to rely on you because you know the standards you have for yourself.
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I am so close to 100 ,000 subscribers.
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I might even be at it by the time I've uploaded this video.
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I don't think I am but please subscribe.
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It means the absolute world.
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This is a dream of mine.
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I cannot believe it but thank you so much for watching.
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If this helped, subscribe.
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Join the waitlist for my social confidence course down below.
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So many of you have joined already.
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I can't wait for that to be out.
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Thank you so much.
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Take care.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “10 habits that make people secretly respect you”. This video has 272 sentences and 3270 words to shadow. The speech runs for 16:05. The speaker talks fast, about 203 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 89% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| disappoint verb | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnt/ | To sadden or displease (someone) by underperforming, or by not delivering something promised or hoped for. |
| friendship noun | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | The condition of being friends. |
| expense noun | /ɪkˈspɛns/ | A spending or consuming, often a disbursement of funds. |
| sudden adjective | /ˈsʌd.ən/ | Occurring quickly with little or no warning or expectation; instantly. |
| genuinely adverb | /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ | In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly. |
| disagree verb | /dɪsəˈɡɹi/ | To fail to agree; to have a different opinion or belief. |
| joking verb | /ˈd͡ʒoʊkɪŋ/ | Kidding, trying to fool. |
| passion noun | /ˈpæʃən/ | A true desire sustained or prolonged. |
| arrive verb | /əˈɹaɪv/ | To reach; to get to a certain place. |
| pretend verb | /pɹəˈtɛnd/ | To speak or behave so as to give a false or simulated appearance. |
| compromise noun | /ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/ | The settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions. |
| bend verb | /bɛnd/ | To cause (something) to change its shape into a curve, by physical force, chemical action, or any other means. |
| boundary noun | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | The dividing line or location between two areas. |
| accommodate verb | /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/ | To render fit, suitable, or correspondent; to adapt. |
| subscribe verb | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | To write (one’s name) at the bottom of a document; to sign (one's name). |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. | |
| give up verb | To surrender (someone or something); to inform on (someone). | |
| come off verb | To become detached. | |
| come up verb | To emerge or become known, especially unexpectedly. | |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. | |
| speak up verb | /ˌspik ˈʌp/ | To talk more loudly or clearly. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Did you see it?
- What makes you like working from home?
- See, I don't get that.
- See, I've never worked from home.
- Tom how are you doing by the way?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to do · used to say |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have hurt · you've done · have just finished |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who liked · someone who does · somebody who genuinely |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | being taken · be respected · I've been laughed |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 127 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, passion /ˈpæʃən/, impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/
- Long words — get the stress right: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnɪd/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, eliminate /ɪˈlɪm.ɪ.neɪt/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like disappoint, friendship, expense.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.