Shadowing Practice: 9 Things I STOPPED Doing to Live a Soft Life - Learn English Speaking with Video
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I highly prioritize living a soft life.
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Not in the sense of just sitting on the couch all day and avoiding all responsibility, but in the sense of intentionally removing unnecessary friction and stress from my life.
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And at some point you realize that a lot of the hardness in your life isn't necessarily coming from your circumstances, it's coming from the way that you think,
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the way you live, the way you operate, your habits.
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So here are nine things that I stopped doing to live a softer and I help women step into their power,
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tap into their divine feminine, and become their best self, live their best life.
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So if that's something you want to do, you should subscribe and stick around.
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And if you want more from me, you can sign up for my weekly newsletter.
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It's called the Dream Life Digest.
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It's totally free.
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It lands in your inbox every Tuesday, and the link for that is down below.
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Now let's get into it.
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Here are the things that I have done, or I should say the things that I have stopped doing to live a soft life.
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All things that you can do too.
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Some are more mindset focused, and only one of them costs money, which means that most of this list is available to you right now, no matter your budget.
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Number one, I stopped letting my inner monologue run unchecked and make life harder for myself.
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Here's the thing is our inner world and our inner thoughts determine the reality we experience.
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So if we are constantly bombarding ourselves with negative thoughts and imagining bad things happening and things going wrong,
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then obviously we're not going to be living control the thoughts that pop into your head, right?
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You can try, but sometimes they just pop into your head, but that doesn't mean that you have to let those thoughts spiral.
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So let me tell you exactly what I do.
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Every time a negative thought pops into my head, and once I become conscious that that's what I'm thinking about, and that's what I'm ruminating on,
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I intentionally stop it and I replace it with the positive opposite thought.
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And this is something you have like flying on planes that much.
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I mean, I'll do it.
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I'm totally grateful.
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I can go take a plane and go fly across the other part of the world, but I hate turbulence.
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And I'm totally fine on that plane until we hit a little bit of turbulence.
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And then all of a sudden negative thoughts start coming into my brain and I cannot control it.
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They just pop in there and I'm visualizing worst case scenarios.
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But once I notice those thoughts and I become conscious that like,
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this is what incredibly difficult, I replace it.
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And I'm replacing it with the opposite positive thought.
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So I will envision myself having a very smooth flight.
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I will envision myself landing smoothly and easily and having a great time on my trip.
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And every time I'm on that plane and I get another negative thought and I realize what I'm thinking about, I intentionally stop it.
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I replace it.
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You can't just try to stop it.
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You have to replace it.
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Okay, so if you wake up in the morning
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and you look at yourself in the mirror and you realize your first thought is, oh, oh my god, I look Once you realize you have that thought, you replace it with the positive opposite.
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So you say, oh, I actually look pretty good today.
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You know what?
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My hair actually looks pretty nice.
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I look kind of cute, actually.
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If you have a job interview later this week that you're really nervous for, and you keep thinking about, oh my God, I'm going to do so bad in this interview, and I'm going to mess up my words,
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and the interviewer won't like me, and I won't get the job, right?
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Once you start realizing that that's what you're thinking about,
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because usually it to realize that you are intentionally thinking negative about this situation.
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You stop the thought, you replace it with the positive opposite.
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You intentionally think about you walking into that interview and you really vibing with the interviewer.
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And you're just getting along.
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And that interview just turns into a really nice chat.
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And then they call you the next day and you get the job.
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And I know when you're feeling stressed, when you're feeling scared, when you're feeling anxious, when you're worrying, the last thing that you want to do
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and the thing that feels natural is to force yourself to think these positive thoughts.
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But letting yourself spiral will not get you anywhere.
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I need you to understand that the only reality you experience is the reality you interpret through your mind.
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Okay, so if your mind is always giving these negative situations to you, and you're ruminating on these negative things, then how do you think your life is going to feel?
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So when those thoughts pop up, once you become conscious that this is what I'm thinking about, you stop and you replace it with a positive opposite.
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And before you say, no, that won't help me, or that sounds cheesy, or that sounds dumb, try it for a week first, and then let me know.
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Because it will shift the way that you feel, and your soft life, it starts up here.
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Now before we keep going, I just want to thank BetterHelp for kindly sponsoring today's video.
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When we talk about living a softer life, most people think it's but the real shift happens internally.
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In your mindset, your emotional world, the way that you talk to yourself.
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And it's really hard to feel soft when your inner critic is loud
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and you're stuck in self -judgment and you're trapped in a stress loop.
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That's why having the right support matters.
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Whether you're dealing with burnout or people -pleasing or self -worth stuff, or you're just trying to break patterns that aren't serving you anymore, having someone to actually talk to makes a difference.
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Therapy gives you a safe space to work through what's coming up and start shifting that inner dialogue
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outside actually matches how you feel on the inside.
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And sometimes just having an outside perspective can help you get out of your own head
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and see things in a new light.
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And that's where BetterHelp comes in.
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BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that makes it easy and convenient to get matched with a licensed therapist.
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No waiting rooms, no commuting, just professional support from home on your own schedule.
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You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a therapist within a few days.
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And if that first match isn't the right fit, you can switch
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you just click the link in the description
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or go to betterhelp .com slash jills to get 10 % off your first month.
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Number two, I stopped consuming content that made my nervous system feel unsafe.
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What do I mean by that?
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Horror movies, true crime documentaries, those gory movies where they torture people,
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really negative music playlists, or rage bait content.
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Your nervous system and your body can't tell the difference between what is your reality and what is simply entertainment and
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I mean, not really.
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And what I mean is that when you watch a scary movie, how do you feel, right?
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When I watch a scary movie, I get a little clammy.
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I get a little tense.
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My heart starts pounding.
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And that's because my body is reacting as if
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that scenario is happening to me or as if there is stress and fear in my life.
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When you watch content or media like that, there's a part of you that
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in how you feel after watching a really scary movie versus watching a funny rom -com right like
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when you're done listening to a true crime podcast
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and then you feel vaguely paranoid about walking to your car
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or you watch a horror movie
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and then all of a sudden you're tense the rest of the night
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and you struggle to go to sleep or you're scrolling
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and watching rage bait
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and you're feeling irritated for an hour after you already put your phone down that content changes how you
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someone who just like is obsessed with
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killer documentaries and really really scary movies and all
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that kind of stuff i'm not saying that's bad
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but it is worth asking why you crave this type of content
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so much and if there is a deeper addiction there to stress
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and adrenaline and fear or anxiety like something i noticed
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and this is not the case all the time
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but something i've noticed is that sometimes it's actually the anxious people who are drawn to
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that sort of content maybe it's because anxiety is their comfortable state.
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Something to think about, but I don't need to know about
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that serial killer from 20 years ago and all the crimes that he committed.
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Okay, I don't need to see reenactments in graphic detail.
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Living a soft life means protecting what enters your reality and prioritizing your peace.
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So I mostly try to watch lighter, more uplifting content, whether it's funny comedy movies or romantic movies or even,
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you know, funny videos of cats on the internet versus rage -bait content.
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months, I'll watch a scary movie with my husband.
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And honestly, after every single time I watch one of those, I'm like, why did I do that?
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I just realized that I feel a lot better
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and my life feels a lot softer and a lot more peaceful when my nervous system feels safe.
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Not surprising, right?
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And so I started choosing content that supports that.
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Number three, I stopped letting small inconveniences ruin my mood.
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You're in a little bit of traffic or you're stuck driving
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plans change last minute or someone cancels on you last minute
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or your wi -fi craps out for 20 minutes
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and you can't get your work done
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or something little breaks right a lot of people unconsciously let tiny disruptions dictate their emotional state
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and send them into a spiral remember your inner world determines your reality
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and you get to decide if these little inconveniences are worth having a terrible day over
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and getting angry and to me They just aren't worth it.
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And if you actually think about the math on this, it's letting a five minute problem affect your entire day, which doesn't make sense at all.
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Why would anyone want to do that?
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Your vibration, AKA how you feel in your energetic state, is one of your most valuable resources.
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And we leak it constantly and deplete it on things that genuinely don't matter.
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So one of the best things that you can ask yourself to live a soft life is, is this worth my energy or not?
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peace.
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And this is one of the most freeing things that you can practice.
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Your life is made up of a bunch of small little everyday moments.
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You commuting to work, you picking up your coffee, That is most of your life, and if you let just small inconveniences get to you,
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your life is going to feel way more stressful than it needs to.
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So a soft life for me is protecting my energy enough to decide
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that some things are not worth ruining my mood over.
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Okay, if I get stuck in a little bit of traffic, or if a little thing breaks, or if plans get disrupted, you know what?
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life is still beautiful.
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and I still get to feel good.
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Number four, I stopped making things feel harder than they need to be.
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And here's what I'm specifically talking about.
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Most of the time, new things are not actually that hard.
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They're just unfamiliar.
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A lot of the time we make the assumption that anything new will be difficult before we even start it.
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But think about you learning to drive a car.
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The first time that you drove a car, it probably felt a little complicated and you were probably a little
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have the different gears and you have to learn what the signs on the road mean.
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Now you drive while singing to Taylor Swift and drinking your coffee
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and you don't even know how you got to your destination.
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It's like you just kind of teleported there.
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That's because driving a car isn't hard.
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it's not hard it was just unfamiliar
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when i wanted to upgrade my youtube channel
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and i wanted to upgrade all of my equipment
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and make everything better i put it off for a little bit of time
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because i was like all this equipment this fancy camera
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and this lenses and the microphone and the lights like us it's all gonna be
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so difficult it's gonna be hard i don't i don't have i don't know how to work any of
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that stuff but you know what none of this stuff was really that hard it was for the first time,
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it's not hard it's just unfamiliar and that feeling, that thinking of, ugh, this is gonna be hard,
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it makes life feel hard so here is the soft life realization your belief
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that things will be hard is what's making them hard you want to start a business it's not
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that hard i'm not saying that you don't have to like put work in
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and stuff but it's not that hard it's just unfamiliar and
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when we assume
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that things are going to be hard we often unconsciously ignore
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the easy routes to get to where we want to go
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because we don't even see them so let it be easy Let it feel easy.
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Most things are not hard and assume that that is true until proven otherwise.
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Number five.
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Okay, so this is the only thing that involves spending money.
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I outsourced things once my budget allowed.
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The first thing that I outsourced was house cleaning and
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that is the best return on your investment ever and I stand by that.
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It removed hours of friction from my week and made me feel calm and happy at home and that's priceless.
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Here is the thing, okay?
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You can't do everything okay to get help.
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It's okay to pay to make your life easier.
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And it is okay to invest in yourself in that kind of way.
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Outsourcing is not an expense, it's an investment.
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And you have to reframe your thinking around that.
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Full transparency, I outsource a lot in my life now.
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And I actually have a short where I walk through everything that I personally outsource and what I pay for.
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But so if you want to start outsourcing, you need to think, what is the biggest burden in my life right most?
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What is lowering my energy, my vibration the most?
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What is adding the most friction in my week?
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And also what is the easiest to delegate to someone else?
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And you can start there.
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And I think some people think that you have to have a lot of money to start outsourcing, but that's just not the truth.
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And there are so many little things that you can do to add a little bit of ease into your week, things that don't cost that much money.
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And I think you would be surprised at sometimes with whatever budget you're at right now.
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Or maybe this is something little, like maybe the neighbor's kid next door really wants,
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you know, some money on the side and they start walking your dog every day.
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Think about what is the one big thing that
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if it was removed from your plate would make your life feel a lot lighter.
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And for me, that first thing was housecleaning.
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I just, I stand by that.
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Best return on your investment.
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You are not meant to do everything yourself.
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okay you are not meant to do everything yourself
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and every successful person
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that you see they do not do everything themselves they outsource i can 100 guarantee
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that they outsource don't be afraid to invest in yourself in
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that sort of way even a little bit goes a long way
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and don't feel guilty for not doing those things either and outsourcing
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and having someone else do them for you like you are
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doing a wonderful thing you are giving someone a job that's a beautiful thing you're
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Sometimes that does mean practically taking some things off your plate.
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Number six, I stopped consuming information that I couldn't really do anything about.
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And this may be a hot take, but I don't really watch or read the news that much.
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And you know what?
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Even though I don't watch or read the news, somehow I still know what's going on in the world.
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Some people think that that might be irresponsible, that I don't watch the news every single day.
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I think that that's being wise.
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You know, things like political in and you're not going to do anything about,
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or a natural disaster happening on the other side of the world that you can't do anything about, or even things like celebrity controversial drama or internet drama.
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Also keep in mind that the news is still an entertainment platform first, and their job more than anything else is to keep you watching
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so that they can get paid from their advertisers and make more money.
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And even you can be informed without marinating in it, without checking the feed every 20 minutes.
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I'm a believer that we aren't truly meant to know everything that's happening in our world.
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And what I mean by that is that the way that we used to live is that we
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lived in our little tribes, right?
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And we didn't know what was going on in the rest of the world.
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and that kept our nervous system feeling safe and secure.
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But now when we hear all of these things happening like a big earthquake
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that happens on the other side of the world or this thing happens or this thing happens, like our nervous system isn't equipped to handle all of that.
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I'm not saying that you shouldn't ever be informed, but we also do have to protect our peace and protect our nervous system and there's a balance there.
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And the truth is is that a lot of times we're consuming do anything about and we genuinely can't take action on.
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So if we can't take action on something, then it doesn't belong in our daily stress load.
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And even though I don't watch or read the news, I still somehow know about most things that are happening in the world.
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Either my husband tells me or I hear about it on Instagram or friends tell me or whatever.
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People talk about it, right?
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Number seven, I stop trying to solve my life problems when my brain isn't in a good state.
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or I need to solve this problem, or what am I gonna do?
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And oftentimes we try to solve these problems and overthink on these problems
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and spiral on these problems when it's late at night, when you're overtired, when you're in a bad mood, when you're feeling dysregulated.
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And it's actually interesting, your brain actually becomes more negative in those states.
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So your prefrontal cortex, the part responsible in your brain for rational decision -making and having perspective,
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offline a little bit when you are tired, when you're hungry, when you're dysregulated, you are not best equipped to solve problems in those states.
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And so for me at night before bed, I used to overthink about life and about problems and how to fix and improve things.
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And so I'd be lying in bed running through all of these things in my brain, and then I would go to bed.
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And I would wake up in the morning, I'd eat breakfast, I'd get some sunshine, and all of a sudden, it didn't feel like such a problem.
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And I knew exactly how to move forward.
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And I felt like I had a clear solution, right?
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Me when I'm tired, or when it's late at night, or when I'm really hungry, or when I'm dysregulated, is a different me versus when I am rested and regulated.
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And when you're in that dysregulated state, or even when it is really late at night, we start to see and perceive the world differently.
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And we think about our problems differently.
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We aren't actually being very productive, even though it feels like it in the moment.
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Okay, so I made a rule for myself.
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I said if it's really late and I need to go to bed soon
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or if I'm really feeling off or dysregulated or in a bad mood or anything like that I don't solve life problems.
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I regulate first, I go for a walk, or I just go to sleep, or I reset in some way, and then I think about it.
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You might have noticed this, but when we are well -rested and we're in a good mood and we're regulated,
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solutions come much more easily and we have much higher mental clarity.
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So if you want a softer life, let yourself solve problems when you are in a better state to handle it.
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And when you're not, let it go in the moment, regulate first, and let yourself handle it later.
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And is super duper practical, very easy, and that is at night, no bright overhead lighting.
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So once it's around sunset, I basically give my house turndown service
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and I try to turn off most of the overhead lighting
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and I just stick to warm lighting that's like from lamps or things that are either from my eyesight or below.
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Basically those bright overhead lights signal daytime alertness to your brain and It increases your cortisol a little bit.
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It suppresses your melatonin production and it basically tells your nervous system that, okay, we're not meant to be winding down right now.
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It's a very little small change, but it does make a big difference and it does help you feel a little bit more peaceful, a little bit more calm,
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a little bit more like you're living that soft life at night right before bed.
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And it helps you sleep better.
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And lastly, number nine, I stopped treating decisions like they were life or death.
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indecisive person.
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I mean, I'm a Libra moon, okay?
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And I would end up stressing too much about decisions that I'd have to make in my life, big or small.
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But one thing that I realized that really minimized my stress around making decisions is that realizing that most decisions are adjustable.
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Most of the time you can pivot.
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You can change your mind, right?
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Most decisions are not permanent.
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some are but most are not you can try something
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and decide you know what this isn't for me
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or you can move to new york city and six months in decide
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that you know what i don't really like it i liked living by the beach i'm gonna move back
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and once i really understood that
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that most of the time you can pivot you can adjust
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it really took a lot of the pressure off decision anxiety
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is one of the sneakiest energy drains there is it's
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that constant background hum and that constant fear of what if i a lot of decisions.
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You know, what to order at that restaurant for lunch, or which apartment to move into, or what piece of content to post today, or whether to go to that event tonight or not,
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or what career move to make or not.
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If you make a decision and you end up not liking it, most of the time you can course correct and you can adjust.
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And there comes a point where you have to decide to trust yourself
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and jump in and trust yourself that even if the outcome is not necessarily what and that you can handle that.
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Trusting yourself to figure it out and pivot if needed.
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If you want to live a soft life, if you want to live a peaceful life, if you want to live a life with less stress, if you want to regulate a nervous system,
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there's one thing that you need and that is trust.
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Trust in yourself.
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Trust in the universe.
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Trust in life.
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Trust in the decisions you're making.
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Trust in your ability to pivot if needed and realizing
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that most decisions are not life or death and there's no reason to stress so much.
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Think about decisions carefully.
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Yes.
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Be thoughtful with your decisions.
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Yes.
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but unnecessary stress and pressure around decisions, that's not needed and that's taking you out of your soft life.
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With that said, so much of living a soft life is honestly just having a regulated nervous system.
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And in this video here, I talk about exactly how to heal and regulate your nervous system.
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And spoiler, a lot of it comes back to that single word
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trust and how trust is the core of nervous system regulation
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and how nobody really talks about that so i'll see you over here
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or i'll just see you next time in my next video thank you so much for watching love you bye
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Context & Background
The video "9 Things I STOPPED Doing to Live a Soft Life" focuses on the speaker's journey towards embracing a more easeful and fulfilling way of living. The speaker candidly discusses the internal struggles and negative thought patterns that often make life feel harder than it truly is. By sharing personal experiences and actionable advice, she aims to empower viewers—especially women—to break free from self-imposed limitations and cultivate a softer life. This message carries significant weight for English learners, as it reflects the importance of mindset in language acquisition and communication.
Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication
- "I stopped letting my inner monologue run unchecked." - A powerful reminder of the need to control our thoughts.
- "Once I become conscious... I intentionally stop it." - Emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in communication.
- "I replace it with the positive opposite thought." - A useful strategy for shifting negativity into positivity.
- "I envision myself having a very smooth flight." - Highlights the value of positive visualization.
- "You can’t just try to stop it; you have to replace it." - Reinforces the proactive approach to changing negative thinking.
Step-by-step Shadowing Guide
Applying the principles discussed in this video can elevate your English speaking practice through the shadowing technique. Here's a guide tailored for this specific video's challenges:
- Find a quiet space where you can concentrate without distractions. This will help you focus entirely on the speaker's voice and words.
- Listen to the video while taking note of the phrases highlighted above. Pay close attention to the speaker's tone and inflection.
- Start shadowing by repeating the phrases immediately after you hear them. Use a shadowing site to enhance your experience, as it may allow you to adjust the playback speed.
- Practice replacing thoughts by integrating the techniques shown. For instance, when you come across a challenging phrase, instead of hesitating, visualize your success in pronouncing it correctly. This aligns with the concept of positive visualization discussed in the video.
- Record yourself stating these phrases and listen back to compare with the original. This will boost your confidence and highlight areas for improvement, mirroring the speaker's strategy of self-awareness and intention.
Incorporate these methods into your routine for effective IELTS speaking practice as well. By focusing on replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations, you not only enhance your language skills but also align your mindset with success. Using a technique like shadowspeak can make a significant difference in your learning journey, making it not just about speaking but feeling empowered as you do so.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | is obsessed · are drawn · is made |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | money, which means · someone who just · people who are |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have done · i've noticed |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.